Neglection

“Oh God…”

Here I am again. On my back, legs spread wide, moaning and whimpering like the bitch I am.

“Ngh,” Matt answers me with a grunt. He’s thrusting faster, and I’m absolutely euphoric. I know my ass will be raw tomorrow and I won’t be able to sit properly. This is one of our more frantic couplings. Sometimes we take it slow and it almost seems to me that we’re making love. But tonight, there’s nothing but raw energy and the heat of the moment.

With a final whimper my climax crashes down on me and I collapse into a boneless heap. Matt doesn’t seem to notice or care; he simply continues plunging into me with abandon. At this point, I like to look up at him and just… study him. His eyes squeezed shut, his sweat-slicked skin sliding against mine, his utter carelessness at how hard he’s thrusting.

I also wonder what is going through Matt‘s head. Does he even recognize that it’s me he’s fucking? Or does he have the image of some girl fixed in his mind? It hurts more than I care to admit, that he could be fantasizing about someone else.

I hear Matt groan above me. He’s finally reaching his zenith and I can feel him pulsing within me. Then it’s over. He extracts himself and leaves the room. I presume he’s gone to take a shower.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? I must have a terrible masochistic streak, because I’m here every night. My health is pitiful. And for what, sex? No, I correct myself, for sex with Matt.

Before I left Wammy’s, we’d been… well, not dating. But we were exclusive in that we only ever slept with each other. I called him seven months ago, hoping that we could catch up. He strode into the bar where we had agreed to meet completely changed; no longer the boy I’d grown up with. What had happened to transform him so completely?

I sigh and roll over onto my side. In trying to solve the puzzle, I only find myself with more pieces to put together.

Sometimes I wish I did smoke. Just to have something to occupy me until Matt came back and ignored me in favor of his laptop. And maybe I’d fling the lit butts at his back until he noticed me. As I watch the scenario play out in my head, I obstinately hope that I managed to burn him.