What a Drag

Ranma froze when a smirking Mousse said “hello Ranma.” What the hell was he doing at a gay bar? She’d assumed that she was safe doing these performances because there was no way that anyone she knew was going to come here. It was a fairly small, insular community that didn’t tend to advertise these events to the ‘normal’ population. Mousse stood up to tower over her smaller female form and said “I’m sorry Miss, did I mistake you for someone else?”

“Mousse you know Ranko?” the slightly confused Toshi asked.

“I believe we’ve met before, isn’t that right?” Mousse said.

“I’ve never seen you before in my life!” Ranma snapped. “What the hell are you doing here!” she demanded.

“I’m confused, you’ve never met him before, yet you’re asking him what he’s doing here? We do allow breeders-ah, straight people into our bars. I’m sorry Ranko, but you’re being a tad rude to our guest” Kenji reprimanded her.

Anger snapped in her eyes, she mock bowed to him “I’m sorry that I upset your-guest, I hope that you enjoyed your night Mr.....”

“Mousse” he supplied. “Apology accepted, your show was most......enlightening, I shall be happy to pass on information about future performances to everyone I know. I’m sure you could always use more fans” he said giving her a warning look. The look she shot him back should have stopped his heart.

“I’ve got to go” she said abruptly, she bowed to Kenji and Toshi, “congratulations on your upcoming marriage” she said and turned on her absurdly tall heel. She walked away greeting fans on all sides.

“That was odd, wonder why she left like that? I promised her a tip” Toshi said.

“Perhaps she’s not her usual self tonight?” Mousse suggested and laughed at his own joke, the rest laughed along out of sheer drunkenness, not quite getting the joke. They were just happy to see their friend in good spirits. It was only a few minutes before a young blonde ‘girl’ brought Mousse a note.

“Well look at that, we take you to a gay bar once and you’re already receiving love letters” Toshi teased.

Mousse smiled back “I’m sure it’s not like that at all” he replied as he opened the note and read it:

Mousse

I don’t know that you’re doing here, but we have to talk. Meet me at the ice cream shop called Life is Sweet in fifteen minutes.

Ranma

“It is an indecent proposal? I hope it is. You’re wasted on the straight world” Toshi declared.

“It’s not that sort of proposal and it certainly isn’t indecent” Mousse retorted, then excused himself pleading exhaustion.

He arrived at the ice cream shop and was surprised to find Ranma still in costume, except she wore a pair of lower heels now. She raised her eyes to Mousse when he sat down and demanded “what the hell were you doing there tonight?”

“I was invited by the two grooms to their bachelor party. I know them from the Neko Hanten, they’re my best customers” Mousse explained.

Ranma snorted in an unladylike way “figures” she said and then frowned and seemed lost in thought until she was interrupted by the waiter.

“Can I get you anything cutie?” he asked.

She suddenly was all cute and flirtatious “I would love to have one of your Super Duper Deluxe Happy Dappy Supreme Banana Splits, handsome. I want extra sprinkles but no nuts, I have to watch my girlish figure” she said and smoothed her hand over her hip in a suggestive manner. Even Mousse blushed at her display.

This caused the rather plain waiter to get a nosebleed, Mousse promptly handed him a tissue. “I’ll just have a bowl of vanilla ice cream and a glass of water” he said.

“Sure, sure” the waiter said still frozen in place staring at Ranma, who was now chewing on a straw in a cute way.

“Could you please go get our orders?” Mousse requested through gritted teeth.

This seemed to snap him out of it “I’m sorry, is she your girlfriend?” he apologized hastily. This caused Ranma to giggle.

Mousse turned so bright red that he was surprised his brains didn’t cook in his head. “NO!” he cried. The waiter quickly left and took refuge behind in counter to begin putting their orders together.

When Ranma had stopped snickering, she looked deadly serious and said “how much?”

“How much what?” Mousse asked confused, he’d just wanted to threaten to tell people and gloat about her secret life. Ranma the drag queen, it was priceless!

“How much money do I have to pay you to keep your mouth shut?” she said narrowing her eyes at him.

“Not a dime. If you want to make a fool of yourself and sashay your butt on stage, go right a head. I just want you to stay away from my girl” he said, thinking that he might be able to use this to his advantage after all.

Ranma’s face went as red as her hair and she exploded “Why don’t you tell her to stay away from me! You think I enjoy it, girls always chasing me, being told who I have to marry and guys chasing after me because the girl they adore is trying to marry me. It’s a never ending cycle. It gets old and I hate it!”

Mousse was stunned, he’d never thought about Ranma’s prospective before and reflected on Shampoo’s behaviour, it was true it was her who sought him out and rubbed herself all over him. “Even still....” he began only to be interrupted.

“Even still what? Have you ever been treated like you’re just a trophy to be won and your feelings don’t matter? Heck the Amazons want me because of a stupid law that doesn’t even apply to me. Ukyou wants me to open a restaurant with her and I know diddly squat about making okonomiyaki, except how to eat it. Kodachi probably wants to keep me in a cage or something and the only girl I actually like wants to send me into orbit with her mallet every two seconds for being jealous of the rest of the girls” she snapped and then slapped her hand across her mouth for what she’d just admitted to Mousse.

“So you like Akane, why her?” Mousse asked intrigued, he’d been aware that Ranma seemed to favour Akane, but hadn’t been sure of the extent of his feelings.

“Why Shampoo? She humiliates you, she rejects you and she abuses you. Have you even kissed her yet?” Ranma demanded, Mousse’s slow, painful blush answered that question.

“Have you ever kissed Akane?” he demanded back.

Now it was Ranma’s turn to blush “once when I went Neko” she said softly.

“So you’ve never........?” Mousse asked.

“Pure as the driven snow” Ranma said with a sigh. “You?”

“I’ve spent thirteen years chasing the same woman and haven’t even gotten to kiss her. Do the math” Mousse replied. “Do you think that the other guys we know are to?”

Suddenly the tension went out of Ranma “Ryoga’s got to be, he gets a nosebleed when he sees me naked!” she said with a giggle.

“How about Kuno?” Mousse asked.

Both of them pictured the bokken wielding weirdo kendoists and cracked up “definitely!” they both agreed at the same time, and then shared a laugh again. The waiter set Mousse’s water and ice cream down in front of him and then returned struggling under Ranma’s order. Mousse’s jaw dropped when the table almost collapsed beneath it. It seemed to be served in a bathtub and had mounds of ice cream the size of bowling balls that were all colours of the rainbow. These have rivers of sauce flowing over them and peeled bananas jutted everywhere. Sprinkles of all descriptions flowed down the sauces, these played with the gumbi bears and cherries and the whole confection was topped with lit sparklers. “Oh boy just in time, I’m starving” Ranma declared and proceeded to attack the obscenely huge sundae until not a drop remained. Mousse’s own ice cream melted, he was too stunned at how fast she could eat. It was like witnessing a shark attack. “Man I needed that” she said rubbing her belly.

Mousse shook himself out of his revere and said “Ranma, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

“Not at all” she replied, daintily licking ice cream from her lipsticked mouth.

“How did you end up doing drag shows? I mean you’re obviously not gay. Is it some sort of fetish?” Mousse asked.

Ranma frowned “Nabiki Tendo” she replied.

“Huh?” Mousse asked intelligently, this wasn’t the sort of answer he was expecting.

“I’m in debt to her up to my eyeballs and have to make her payments or she said she was going to start selling dates with me to my fiancées. Akane would kill me” she said with her eyes wide with terror. “I wasn’t making enough waitressing, so I became desperate. I was talking with Konatsu and he told me that he supplemented his income by performing in drag shows. He said that if they like your act and you’re believable, you can make a lot in tips. He suggested that with my curse I could make a ton of money and he could hook me up with gigs for a percentage of it. I agreed and I borrowed some clothes from him. With some coaching, I tried it and we realized that I’m a natural. By doing martial arts all my life, I’m light on my feet and pick up dance moves easily, and then it turned out I could sing. I used to do this strictly for the money, and then I realized that I enjoyed it. I feel accepted within this community, people are friendly and no one tells me what to do, so I can relax” she explained.

Mousse nodded, he did understand the need to feel that Ranma fit in somewhere. Mousse certainly didn’t seem to “I see what you mean and promise to keep your secret” he said.

Ranma heart leapt with joy “thanks Mousse, you really are a nice guy” she said and beamed at him.

“Will there be anything else?” the waiter asked staring at Ranma again; she dimpled a smile at him in response.

“Nothing for me cutie” she said.

“Just the bill” Mousse said.

“No problem, that will be 200 yen for your ice cream sir and yours is on the house because you’re so cute” he said to Ranma giving her a smitten look.

She actually squealed and clapped her hands “gosh thanks mister” she gushed and did a hypnotic wiggle that almost caused another nosebleed in the poor, naïve young boy.

Mousse just sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Is that why you’re still in your female form and dressed like this?” he asked when he’d left.

“Yes, I work up an appetite dancing and like to be treated to snacks. Why do you think that there’s something wrong with me performing as a drag queen?” she asked.

“It seems a little dishonest” Mousse said. “After all, you become a real woman while all the rest of the drag queens have to work at it”

Ranma frowned, “it’s not like I have a choice, I need to make the payments. Nabiki’s my agent now, so I have to give both Konatsu and her a cut of my nightly earning. I try to supplement my income by winning as many drag pageants as I can to get prize money, that’s where the real bucks lie. I’ve won three so far and hope to take Miss U-haul next month” she said.

“Miss U-haul?” Mousse questioned.

“It’s the biggest drag contest in all of Japan, U-haul, drag, you get it?” she asked.

“Oh like the American company that rents those trucks? That’s kind of clever” Mousse said. “Well if what I saw tonight was any indication, you’re going to win”

“Tonight was nothing; I’m really going to need a gimmick to beat out all the rest. People go all out for this thing. Even half of the prize money would be enough to pay Nabiki off for once and for all” she moaned.

Mousse took off his glasses to polish them “good luck” he said as he stared absently towards the red blur.

Ranma was suddenly struck with just how handsome, no beautiful Mousse was. With his alabaster skin and perfectly symmetrical features, he looked like an angel. His vivid emerald eyes were large and heavily lashed, while his elegant black brow curved like raven’s wings. Then there was all that silky, black hair that cascaded down his back like an ebony waterfall. Ranma noticed all this not in a sexual way, but a professional way. Mousse was prettier then most girls Ranma knew and would make a perfect drag queen. Mousse could be his gimmick, a fresh face on an old scene to be launched into the world that Ranma had embraced.

“Mousse you’re what I need! Stick you in a dress, create an act for us and we’re sure to take first place! Oh please say you’ll perform at Miss U-haul with me?” she begged and affected the face that normally persuaded men to do things for her.

Mousse just went even paler and squeaked “me?”