Ranma's New Fiance

Mousse was the first to unfreeze “what? No way!” he cried.

Cologne examined the bandage again “son-in-law, just how hard did the rock hit your head?” she questioned the petite redhead.

“Ranma’s Shampoo’s airen!” Shampoo protested.

Ranma smirked “not anymore, you yourself said that marrying another Amazon nullifies the kiss of death or marriage. According to your laws, Mousse defeated me fair and square and as a woman I have to marry him” she said.

“I can’t marry him, he’s a guy” Mousse protested, feeling like his head would explode.

“Do I look like a guy to you right now?” Ranma said spreading her arms to show off her obviously feminine curves. On impulse she grabbed Mousse’s hand and put it on her breast “do I feel like a guy?” she asked giving him a little pout that she’d learned how to make from Akane. Mousse’s face went beet red to be touching a girl so intimately and snatched his hand away.

“If I truly defeated you, than that would mean that Shampoo is mine” he declared.

“Does that mean that she can still stalk me and grab onto me?” Ranma asked sharply.

Mousse paused at this, “she would only be dating me because I won against you, but that doesn’t mean that we’re married. Therefore she could still have others challenge her for her hand”

“What if you’re engaged to me?” Ranma asked.

“I would be considered to be off the dating and marriage market as long as our engagement lasts and Shampoo isn’t allowed to challenge another woman for marriage” Mousse replied.

“That’s true” Cologne agreed.

“Great-grandmother, do something. Mousse can’t have my airen” Shampoo cried.

“Engagement not legal, no challenge issued and no witnesses’ Shampoo snapped.

“Cologne do couples always have to challenge each other formally, surely they take advantage of opportunities when presented to them?” Ranma said.

“True, but witnesses are needed” Cologne said, she didn’t like this turn of events, but was bound by their laws.

“Did you both see me unconscious when Mousse brought me here?” Ranma asked.

“Yes we did” Cologne replied not looking at her furious great-granddaughter.

“Then you are our witnesses” Ranma declared. She stood up “hot dog, how do we make this thing legal?” she asked Cologne.

“I refuse to do this, Ranma’s a guy” Mousse cried.

“He’s right, as you were born a male I would have to check with the council about the legality of your engagement” Cologne said.

“Until they officially agree, we are to be considered engaged and Shampoo’s forbidden to contact me” Ranma demanded.

“You have to live as a woman if you are to be considered Mousse’s fiancée” Cologne pointed out.

“Easy enough, I can still kick ass like this” Ranma declared.

“Very well, in order to accept his suit you have to kiss him and say 'always faithful, I choose you'in mandarin” Cologne said and told her how to say it.

“I’m not going to kiss her....... merp” Mousse said as Ranma seized him and pressed her lips against his. He was so startled, that for a second he kissed those full, silken lips back. He became aware of her soft, pillowy breasts nestled against his chest. Briefly he marveled at how full they were, then came to his senses and thrust her away from him. He was breathing funny and his face was flaming.

She smirked up at him and said the words to him that he’d always longed to hear from Shampoo; with a heavy heart he realized that their engagement was official now. All he’d been trying to do was help someone he’d injured!

“Shampoo, do something” he begged her. She just turned away in disgust.

“She can’t interfere in our business anymore airen, it’s against the laws that bind you both” Ranma said sweetly.

Mousse blushed to hear Ranma call him that, it was so wrong!

“I refuse to go along with this charade” he said wrenching himself out of her grip.

“Airen what have I done?” Ranma asked facetiously.

“I no like this” Shampoo cried.

“Tough titty said the kitty” Ranma said and then turned to the enraged Amazon, just to rub it in she said “in order to please my airen I’ll need to take some of your clothes”

“What, you no can do that!” Shampoo said.

“Why not? I need to look good for my airen and you obviously know how to dress to please a man” she said sweetly, enjoying watching the other girl fume at the insult.

“Fine” she said turning on her heel, Ranma came back wearing a red Chinese dress. “Ready to go Mousse?” she asked him. “I have to come back for the rest of the clothes, they were far too big on little bitty me. Shampoo has to alter them to fit me. Honestly Shampoo you should watch your diet, a body like yours gains weight easily” she threw over her shoulder. Shampoo’s jaw worked but no sound emerged, the insult had rendered her speechless.

Mousse almost smiled at this through his misery “where do you want to go?” he asked with a sigh.

“I’m hungry” she said brightly.

Mousse could only pick at his food while his ‘fiancée’ gobbled everything in sight. “Why are you doing this to me?” he asked finally.

“I’m sick of Shampoo stalking me and groping me, I don’t know what you see in her” Ranma said.

“I love her” Mousse stated.

“I don’t, she annoys me” Ranma said, stealing Mousse’s virtually untouched burger. They were at a popular afterschool hangout. ‘She sure loves to eat’ Mousse mused.

“Ranma I can’t marry you” Mousse said.

“So we’ll have a really long engagement” she said. “Look if I had a choice about which Amazon to be engaged to, I would choose you every time. You’re a nice, decent guy who doesn’t always glomp onto me, or chase me around and land your bicycle on my head, or get jealous of every girl I talk to . Shampoo’s always trying to get me to fall in love with her through artificial means; you have access to those same objects or potions and never have used them on her. That makes you better then her”

“I’ve never done any of those things because I don’t like you” Mousse said, on the verge of losing his temper. How could he possibly be engaged to Ranma, his greatest enemy? Suddenly he had insight into how the accidently multi-engaged martial artist felt when someone announced that they were betrothed to him. It really sucked. He felt........overwhelmed, like someone uninvited was trying to run his life.

“What’s that got to do with anything? What’s the worst that can happen?” Ranma asked.

“The council of elders shall force us to marry if they feel that an engagement has been going on far too long and I shall be publically flogged for wasting a warrior’s time” Mousse recited.

Ranma paused “they actually do that? What if it’s the woman whose making him wait?” she asked.

“They never blame the woman” Mousse replied.

“Then we let’s get married” Ranma said with a shrug.

“That’s precisely what I don’t want to do” Mousse snapped.

“How is divorce handled?” Ranma asked.

“A woman has to go to the council and say that she’s displeased with her husband and than she has to publically renounce him, after then she’s free to remarry right away and so is he” Mousse said.

“So we marry, do the divorce thing, then you’re back on the marriage market for Shampoo and she can’t reinstate the marriage thing with me. Sounds like a win win situation to me. What do you say, we’d be just a couple guys helping each other out?” Ranma said.

Mousse did have to admit it had a certain logic to it. He also had to admit that after studying Ranma up close, he found her oddly alluring. Sex was only monitored on the wedding night itself. Perhaps they could come to some sort of arrangement if she enjoyed it? He shook his head to clear it. “It’s never going to happen” he stated.

“I’ll make it worth your while” Ranma said.

“Sexual favours aren’t going to sway me” Mousse said flatly.

Ranma’s face flamed at this “w-what made you think I was offering those?” she stammered.

Mousse blushed right back “n-nothing” he said. “What are you offering than?” he asked.

“I’ll train you to beat Shampoo” Ranma said laying down her trump card.

Mousse was considering this when his petite companion was suddenly seized from behind, he sprang to his feet out of reflexes.

Ranma gasped in surprise when her breasts were painfully constricted for the second time that day “oh my pigtailed goddess, how wonderful that we both decided to dine at the same establishment today” Kuno crooned into her ear.

Her first impulse was to send him flying again, but then she decided to take another approach that might rid her of the delusional kendoist forever. “Hello Kuno, have you met my fiancé, Mousse?” she inquired.

Kuno froze at this and actually let go of her. “Fiancé? Please tell me that you haven’t engaged yourself to this, this.....duck boy? That he’s gaijin is bad enough, but that he’s obviously of inferior blood and dubious parentage makes it impossible for me to accept this” he stated.

Mousse could feel his blood start to boil, “I’ll have you know that I’m a full blooded Chinese citizen and my parents were married at the time of my birth. The Mu family is well respected within our tribe and we suffer no mental illness; something which cannot be said of the Kuno family” he snapped.

“You dare insult my illustrious family, you are clearly not good enough for my goddess” Kuno said hotly.

“Who are you to tell me whom I may marry?” Mousse snarled.

“Besides, he won fair and square when he knocked me unconscious with a rock” Ranma supplied.

“How dare you abuse her like that!” Kuno howled.

“He had to win my hand by defeating me, its how marriages are settled in his tribe” Ranma explained.

“What sort of barbarians are you people!” Kuno cried. “You are forbidden to marry her” he declared and charged Mousse.

“How dare you, you’re not the boss of her. She hates you” Mousse said dodging him easily and drawing him outside, Ranma followed along with the other students present. They all loved a good fight.

“She’s in love with me and I will not let an unworthy primitive bushman have her” Kuno declared.

Mousse couldn’t stand the insults (as Ranma knew he wouldn’t be able to) and his temper ruled over all rational thought, “1. My tribe is far from primitive 2. You dare not insult my family or birth again. 3. You don’t tell me who I may marry; RANMA’S MY FIANCEE AND I DARE ANY MAN TO TRY AND TAKE HER FROM ME” Mousse cried as he wrapped up the delusional kendoist with his chains and Ranma helped by punting him into oblivion with her famous kick. As Mousse panted with exertion, it dawned on him what he’d just said. He blushed when he heard people whispering such things as “so Ranma has a male fiancée this time? I told you she also liked boys”

Ranma strode forward and said with satisfaction “you all witnessed that Mousse publically claimed me as his fiancée? Looks like we’re getting married, that’s how engagements are settled here” she directed at him. Mousse could feel his heart fill with dread. He would lose Shampoo if he married Ranma or not, either way she’d never want to see him again after this.