The Youkai Inside You

Chapter 2


Hakkai smelled one of the flowers he was sitting by, savoring it's fragrant scent. It was late afternoon and the sun had already dried up the remnants of the storm. The day was bright, but not too hot. Such a peaceful setting, but he was so unnerved by his current condition that it was somewhat hard to enjoy. He hadn't been able to sleep at all when he had finally been shown to his room last night. He had tossed and turned, fighting the urge to go ask Sanzo for his limiters back again.

Thinking a walk would do him good that morning, he had told Sanzo he wanted to go get his things for the stay here, but Sanzo had sent Gojyo off in his place. Hakkai insisted to go himself, but Sanzo had been firm on his choice. He suspected it was to keep punishing Gojyo for the mud in the temple last night. The redhead had been up all night cleaning it, and when Sanzo told him he would have to make the trip to the house and back without sleep, his friend had stomped off with a string of curses that made several of the monks in earshot gasp.

Hakkai felt guilty really. It was his fault Gojyo had come here in the first place. If he had just gone home last night and waited until morning to see Sanzo, maybe he wouldn't be feeling so miserable now. He had a thought that maybe Sanzo would have reacted different in the daytime hours about the situation, but rationally, that was foolish to assume. His limiters would have come off no matter when he had decided to see his friend. He touched the soft petals of the flower and sighed when he saw his claws.

Most of the monks had been staying clear away from him. He wasn't sure if it was from fear or just plain hate. Yes, with his limiters on, they knew what he was, but actually seeing it was a different thing. Perhaps Gojyo going back to the house was a better choice. He wasn't sure how the town would react to him this way, even though all that knew him was aware of what he was. It made him wonder if anyone would ever forget the minus wave. He truly doubted it.

Sanzo came out to the garden and watched him for a moment before coming over to join him. He sat silently, and Hakkai didn't feel obligated to start conversation. They hadn't spoken much since last night. Sanzo had been too busy yelling at Gojyo for him to do much else. He did spare a look his way and saw Sanzo looking up at the clear sky.

"You didn't sleep, did you?" Sanzo asked, not looking away from the perfect day.

"No, but I'm sure I'll rest better tonight." He wasn't really sure of anything.

"Have you eaten yet?"

"Goku brought me some peaches earlier. I ate the ones he hadn't bitten into yet." He chuckled soft.

"Tsk, damn monkey."

"He's still growing," Hakkai said, shifting around, feeling silly in the monks robes he still wore. "Really, Sanzo, I'm fine. When I'm hungry, I'll eat."

Sanzo nodded and finally looked at him. "How do you feel?"

"Like a youkai in monks robes."

"Hakkai.."

"What do you want me to say, Sanzo?" He didn't raise his voice, but the resentment was still there. "I still don't understand how this will help me, because so far all I have gotten are some frightened looks from the monks, and even Goku looked unsure around me."

"Goku was afraid?"

Hakkai sighed. "He wasn't scared, but it was like he wasn't sure how to interact with me, like I was a stranger or something."

"Don't worry about Goku. He'll get used to it."

"He even told me once I was scary like this," he continued on.

"He'll get used to it," Sanzo insisted.

"And what about everyone else?"

"It won't become an issue."

"Says the Sanzo Priest," Hakkai said softly and looked at the flowers.

"You doubt me?"

"I doubt myself."

"How so?"

"I just don't think I can live this way without my limiters."

"What if you had to? What would you do?"

Hakkai jerked as if Sanzo had slapped him. "You don't mean to not give them back to me, do you?" Sanzo just looked at him. "Sanzo!"

"I never said that. I was just asking what you would do if you had no choice."

Hakkai closed his eyes, just realizing how fast his heart was beating. If Sanzo had set out to frighten him, it had worked well. He thought for some time, trying to come up with an answer. He couldn't rationalize it. Being only youkai for the rest of his life was not a promising aspect.

"Hakkai."

"I guess I would try to find a new home away from everyone," he whispered. "I wouldn't try killing myself. I couldn't....." He thought of Kanan and looked away from Sanzo when he felt his eyes begin to burn with grief. "As painful as life is sometimes, it is a gift."

"Yes it is," Sanzo agreed. "It's alright, Hakkai. I'll give you more time to think about an answer."

"Thank you," he said, voice quivering slightly. "I sound so weak."

"Say that again, and I'll be after you with my fan like the monkey and kappa." Hakkai looked at him when he heard the real anger in Sanzo's voice. "I have met a lot of weak people, but you are not one of them. Understand?"

Hakkai smiled a little. "Well, I certainly don't want to feel the blow of your fan, so yes, I understand."

"Good."

"You're not going to punish Gojyo more when he gets back, are you? Really, he was only worried about me."

"Hm, I suppose not when I could see how sorry you felt for him when I sent him off earlier." Sanzo shifted around and reached in his robes for his pack of cigarettes. "Out of curiosity, why did you two decide to live together again after we all got back?"

"Familiarity, I suppose. We don't get in each other's way, and we are good friends, so it just made sense for us." Hakkai shifted to get more comfortable, picking a flower absently. "It's not much different than Goku staying here at the temple even though he's old enough to be on his own."

"Big difference," he said, tapping out a cigarette from his pack. Hakkai watched him quietly. "If the monkey loses it, I'm the only one that can calm his ass down."

"That's true." He touched the flower to his nose to sniff. "But, you know what I'm getting at."

"Doesn't it bother you when he brings those women home with him all the time?" he asked, placing the cigarette between his lips, taking a wooden match out, striking it alight.

"Not really. I can usually block the noise out," he said with a shrug.

Sanzo looked at him, the flame a mere inch from the end. "Pervert, kappa," he muttered, pressing the fire to the tip of the cigarette to light.

"He wouldn't be Gojyo if he wasn't," Hakkai said with a soft smile. "And you wouldn't be you if you didn't call him that."

Sanzo grunted and smoked in silence, and Hakkai fell comfortably quiet beside him. It was a nice change to have Hakkai around. He wouldn't be whining for food every few hours, and he wouldn't be going on about sex and women like a certain redhead. Sanzo had always felt a sense of calm from Hakkai that the other two just didn't have. In fact the only time he had ever really seen Hakkai upset was when that Chin Yisou asshole had come around to torture him. Now the asshole was still disrupting his friend's peace of mind, and he wasn't even alive anymore.

Sanzo watched him out of the corner of his eye, catching him staring intently at the red flower he was holding. He wondered what he was thinking about, or if he was thinking at all. From the moment he had asked Hakkai to take his limiters off, his eyes had held that sense of dread, like something bad would happen. They still had that look now as he looked closely at the flower. His fangs showed through parted lips, and even a few of the vines that covered his body writhed softly on his skin.

Sanzo turned his head to watch him more, looking at his long ears and sharp claws. He looked to his eyes, one green and one a golden yellow of the youkai he was. He did not fear Hakkai. To most he would be a frightening sight after all the bad memories of the minus wave, but to Sanzo he had a frailty about him that others didn't see. That frailness being the self loathing that haunted him as much as his past did. Hakkai was strong, but sometimes bad memories could make you question your own fortitude. He was sure Hakkai would struggle with that far more as the days passed.

"You will give me back my limiters, won't you?" Hakkai whispered.

Sanzo blinked, most his cigarette burned to ash while he watched Hakkai. "When the time is right, yes," he said, crushing out the wasted smoke in the dirt with a inner curse. "You're thinking hard again. What about?"

".....Blood."

Sanzo ceased getting another cigarette and looked at him. "Blood?"

Hakkai nodded softly, eyes still on the red petals of the flower. "On my hands, my clothes, on the knife that she..."

"Hakkai."

"Blood spilling from my gut. Blood everywhere." His voice remained soft and oddly calm in a subdued kind of way.

Sanzo touched his arm. "Hey, Hakkai." Vines slid around his wrist as soon as contact was made. He grunted soft, watching them slide around to capture him like prey. They didn't hurt, nor did it seem threatening in any way, but he shook Hakkai firmly with the trapped hand to get his attention.

Hakkai blinked and looked at him like someone coming out of a deep sleep. "Oh my....." He pulled the vines back with a horrified expression. "I'm so sorry, Sanzo."

"It's alright."

"NO, it's not!"

"Calm down," Sanzo said softly, gripping his arm again when he tried to get up to flee. "Don't you run away from this."

Hakkai gasped when he was yanked back down. "I....I didn't even know I was doing that."

"You were just meditating, Hakkai, that's all," he said low, looking into his troubled eyes.

"But.."

"That's all," Sanzo whispered and gently pulled him closer until their legs touched. "You weren't attacking me, and I am perfectly fine," he continued softly, keeping his hand latched to Hakkai's wrist.

Hakkai swallowed. "Am I going to lose myself?"

"No, and if you did, I would find you."

"You would?" Hakkai's eyes softened.

"Don't get sappy on me. You're reminding me of Goku now." Sanzo felt the vines move slightly against his palm, the caresses sending a strange shiver through him.

"Oh, then you will be hitting me with your fan soon enough," Hakkai said and finally smiled again, albeit soft and unsure.

"That's right," Sanzo said with an ever so slight smirk.

"I'm back, your Highness Sanzo," Gojyo growled as he hefted heavy bags over his shoulder.

Sanzo's eyes narrowed and he looked his way. "Keep the attitude up and I'll break my assurance to Hakkai and punish your ass more."

"Give me a break, man. Lugging this stuff up on that steep incline was a pain in the ass."

"Gojyo, why did you bring so much?" Hakkai asked.

"I wasn't sure how long you were staying so.." He slung the two bags over his shoulder as he walked over and sat them on the ground. He looked at the two of them, eyes moving to the hand that was still around Hakkai's wrist, then to their knees that were touching. "You two look.....cozy."

Sanzo let go of Hakkai. "Your pervert is showing, asshole."

Hakkai eased away from him and busied himself looking through the bags to see what Gojyo had brought him. His face was flushed for a reason he didn't understand, and he was more than happy they had begun arguing back and forth not to notice. Gojyo had not only brought clothes and toiletries, but he had brought several books he had been meaning to read. No wonder the bags had been so heavy. As brash as Gojyo could be, he was also a very thoughtful friend. He smiled soft, listening to them go back and forth.

"Hey, don't yell at me. I can't help it you looked a tad bit too comfortable against Hakkai there, that's all!"

"Against him? I just had a hold of his wrist, you blind Kappa! You're the one that always has your arm around him every chance you get!"

"Oh, that is such bullshit!"

Hakkai looked up at the two that were facing off, both nearly nose to nose as their argument heated up. He looked around to make sure none of the monks had heard and come running. So far they were they only three in the gardens, and it was a good thing with all the profanity spewing from them both. He had to stop this before it got too out of hand.

"Please stop, both of you." They didn't seem to hear him. He sighed and lifted his hands, sending out vines to wrap around them both and the yelling turned into curses of surprise. "Enough, unless you want to attract unwanted attention." He looked at Sanzo, then at Gojyo sternly. "Sanzo and I were just talking, that's all. Stop acting like children."

"Tsk, he started it with his perverted mouth," Sanzo said low.

"You just have to have the last word in, don't ya?" Gojyo snapped and struggled.

"Stop it!" Hakkai pulled them apart with ease and sighed. "Really, making me have to do this is ridiculous."

Sanzo grunted but didn't say another word. Gojyo just frowned and waited to be free without any more struggle. Hakkai was satisfied enough to let them go and pulled the vines back smoothly. Sanzo took out another cigarette and Gojyo plopped down to sit with a tired huff. If Goku had been there, Hakkai was sure it would have been an all out brawl. He chuckled a little. At least everything was normal with them.

"I'm out of smokes," Gojyo muttered.

Sanzo rolled his eyes and tossed him one, along with the matches. "There, Kappa."

"Thanks." He lit up and looked at Hakkai. "You feeling okay?"

"Yes, I'm alright. Just...not used to being this way for so long a time."

Sanzo, are you sure this is necessary?" Gojyo looked up at him.

"Yes, it is." Sanzo crossed his arms where he stood, frowning slightly with the cigarette dangling between his lips. "If you think I'm wrong then we can fight about it, but you'd be the one going down."

"You..son of a.."

Hakkai snatched Gojyo's arm when he went to get up. "No, don't get going again. Sanzo please."

Sanzo sighed soft. "I'm right, Gojyo. Just trust me. Hakkai does."

"Alright," he muttered.

Hakkai let his arm go only when he was sure Gojyo was content enough to stay where he was. He didn't know what had gotten into the two of them to fight so fiercely. It was usually Goku and Gojyo that got that far into arguments. He looked at the two of them and they both sulked while they smoked. Well, at least they weren't arguing anymore.


~*~


Hakkai put the last of his clothes away in the drawer and slid it shut quietly. He sat on the bed, looking around the small room. It wasn't decorated in any way, and it was one of the lesser guest rooms in the temple. He had insisted to Sanzo he didn't need much. Hakuryu made a soft sound to get his attention and Hakkai reached to pet his small head. The dragon had arrived not long after Gojyo got back with his bags.

"Really, you should go back with Gojyo tomorrow." The dragon gave him a look and chirped softly. "No arguing, Hakuryu. It's probably best until I get this straightened out." Hakuryu rubbed his head against Hakkai's and went quiet in agreement. He could read the little dragon as well as he could his other companions. He didn't want to leave his side, but he would because he asked him to.

Gojyo tapped light on the door and poked his head in. "Hey, you busy?"

"No, just visiting," he said with a soft smile, giving as much attention to Hakuryu as he could.

"Got your clothes all put away, I see," he said and came all the way in, shutting the door behind him.

"You know me, I don't like putting things off."

"Yeah." Gojyo sat beside him. "You really gonna stay here?"

Hakkai looked at him. "Of course. I shouldn't be here too long. Are you worried about it?"

"Nah, I'm not worried. It's just that...I'm used to you being around, you know?"

Hakkai smiled soft and cuddled Hakuryu on his lap. "That's very thoughtful of you to say, Gojyo."

"Yeah." He smiled a little.

"Does that mean you'll miss the company or the butler?" He gave Gojyo a look.

"Huh?"

"Promise me I'm not going to come home to women's panties on the lampshades and cigarette butts in beer cans."

"Ah, I get you. I'll be a good boy and keep the house clean."

"Thank you."

Gojyo tapped his fingers on his knee and looked down a bit. "I'll miss the company," he muttered.

Hakkai looked at him. "You can keep coming to visit me, you know. Hakuryu would like that too since I'm making him go home with you." The small dragon was rubbing his small head against his cheek as he spoke.

"Why isn't he staying too?"

"I just think I need to be on my own as much as possible. Will it be a problem?"

"No, it's cool. Hakuryu and I can eat junk and drink beer." The dragon made a happy sound of agreement.

"Gojyo..."

"I'm just joking, chill." He laughed soft and pet Hakuryu. "We will both be good boys while you are away."

Hakkai smiled soft and watched Gojyo take Hakuryu off his lap to pet his belly. They both looked content enough, but Hakkai was already feeling a bit of loneliness too. He would have Sanzo around of course, and Goku, but he was so used to Gojyo's ways. Life in the temple would be a strange adventure, but he was ready for it. He just hoped everyone else would get used to him being around.

"You're still wearing those monk robes," Gojyo said and snickered a bit. "You're not going to shave your head too, are ya?"

"What?" Hakkai looked at him. "Oh, well, they are comfortable, so I just thought I'd sleep in them."

The redhead nodded soft and smirked. "I'm bushed myself. Sanzo's damn fault too."

"Well, you did track that mud all over trying to find me."

"He overreacts."

"I don't think so. I would have been pissed too, Gojyo."

Gojyo scratched his head sheepishly. "Yeah, well." He stood and sat Hakuryu beside Hakkai. "You both are clean freaks, makes sense."

Hakkai chuckled. "I guess so."

"Hakkai." Gojyo looked almost embarrassed as he stood there in front of him. "When I got back earlier, you and Sanzo.."

"You're not on that again, are you? Gojyo, we were just talking."

"It just looked...intimate to me is all."

Hakkai looked up at him. "I just freaked out a bit, and Sanzo calmed me down, that's all it was." He felt foolish now as he looked back on it.

"What happened?" Gojyo looked worried and he sat back down.

"It was stupid really." Hakkai watched Hakuryu curling up at the end of the bed to sleep to avoid looking Gojyo in the eyes. "I just kind of zoned out and when Sanzo tried to get my attention, my vines....wrapped around his wrist." His voice was almost a whisper. "I didn't know I was doing it, and when I become aware, I tried to take off. Sanzo being Sanzo, he didn't let me, and he talked to me until I calmed down." He looked at Gojyo. "That's when you come in."

Gojyo was quiet for so long that he turned his head to look at him. His red eyes were soft with concern and it made Hakkai feel worse. He didn't want his friend to worry about him the whole time he was here. Gojyo touched his arms and the vines shifted slightly with the touch. The redhead gasped soft and looked down, hand moving so he could trace a finger over the vine with curiosity.

"You know, it was probably just reflex, Hakkai. I mean, look how it's shifting around when I touch it."

Hakkai nodded soft. "You're right, still, I was thinking about the past and just..."

"Went away for a little bit?"

Hakkai nodded soft. "Yes."

"I'm sure you'll work that out with Sanzo's help too, Kai." Gojyo moved his hand away and smiled soft. "Now, I'm going to bed before I collapse. You should too."

"Thank you, Gojyo. I will soon."

"See you in the morning." Gojyo left him, shutting the door softly behind him.

He looked at Hakuryu who was already soundly sleeping and was envious of his little friend. He had a feeling that as exhausted as he felt, it would take him a long while to fall asleep. He sighed, grabbed one of his books and laid back on the bed to read by the candlelight. The sky was clear tonight, the stars and the moon shining luminously bright. Perhaps sleep would be easier than he thought without the threat of rain.


~*~


It was raining again as he walked through the castle, but his victims were already dead, skeletal remains scattered. Some were in piles while other lonely bones lay against walls or on random piece of furniture that were covered with dust. He felt numb as he got deeper into the castle, slowly walking around and stepping over long dead youkai. He knew his destination by heart and went that way, heart pounding in his chest.

Hakkai reached the stairs and froze, looking into the darkness with growing fear. He didn't want to see what was in the dungeon. Her body would be decayed in it's gruesome cell. Perhaps her spirit was still here and angry at him. He shivered, curling his fingers until his claws dug into his palms. If wrath awaited, he deserved it.

Against his will he took the first step down. He continued steadily on, blood dripping off his hands that he punctured and dug into unconsciously. By the time he descended down the few final steps he was whimpering, and he felt the hot sting of tears on his face. He closed his eyes, but knew he had to look eventually. He was being led here. The only thing missing was the collar around his neck.

"Don't you wish to see what you left behind, Cho Gonou?"

Hakkai gasped and opened his eyes. "You."

Yisou smirked and reached to touch his cheek. "So fitting that you arrive in your true form." His cold claws scraped lightly, almost like a lovers, making Hakkai shudder with revulsion. "Your face is almost too beautiful to be a man's. In fact...," his hand curled around Hakkai's throat, "you look just like that slutty sister of yours," he growled and threw Hakkai against the cell bars.

Hakkai yelled when he hit and he was faced with the sight of her body. There was nothing left but bones and the decaying remains of her dress. He screamed and tried to back away, but the pressure of Yisou covered his back, keeping him pinned to the bars. He couldn't fight him off. Not even his vines would move to his call. His chi was just as silent to his needs for escape. He could feel the hot breath against his neck and he wanted to vomit.

"Sinner," Yisou purred against his ear. His hand slid inside the robes he wore, caressing over the scar that marred his stomach.

"Stop!"

The monster chuckled. "Come now, you had the desire to fuck your own sister. Surely you can enjoy this." His hand lowered and curled around his cock. Hakkai felt his vile tongue sliding over his skin and he yelled in anguish.

"Gonou.."

His eyes widened. "No!"

The bones shifted on the ground. "Gonou, why?" The sickening sight before him stood and shambled closer to the bars he was pinned against. Pieces of the rotting dress dragged through the dirt as she neared, a bony hand coming up to reach. Long dead hair stuck to the skull, and he watched in horror as spiders spilled from the mouth that moved again with a haunting, imploring question. "Why did you let this happen to me?"

"Have an answer for her, Cho Gonou?" Yisou cooed in his ear, his sickening hands having their way on his body. The bony hand reached. He struggled and screamed when his own vines wrapped and pinned him to the cold bars. Trapped. The hard fingers touched his cheek. Cold. They were so cold.

"No!" Hakkai struggled, arms and legs flailing around, wrapped and caught in the sheets along with his vines that thrived around the bed. Hakuryu nipped at his ear again to wake his master. "Dammit," he gasped and shuddered, head hitting the pillow that was soaked with his sweat. It took him a moment to remember where he was. Hakuryu made a soft sound and pressed his nose to Hakkai's neck.

"Thank you, Hakuryu," he whispered as he pulled his vines in and calmed himself. The remnants of the dream stuck with him even as the sun rose slowly over the hills outside the bedroom window.

Why did you let this happen to me?

"I'm so sorry," he whispered and put his hands over his face, feeling the fresh tears that spilled from his eyes.