Ranma\'s Tattoo Blues

Sorry I haven’t been around much. Not to whine but I took a financial hit when husband with good paying job decided to leave it to become a general contractor with an extremely small company that does strictly word of mouth advertising. This caused undue stress and insomnia that curtailed my writing. Then came the small accident that caused me to need new glasses and a root canal. Suffice it to say that Sid hasn’t been a happy camper lately, but things are looking up finally.

Hope you enjoy my new chapter.

Sid

“How much?” Ranma asked in shock as he stared at the doctor as if he had grown another head.

“It would be $20,000.00 yen per visit and the tattoo would gradually fade” he explained.

“It would take more then one visit?” Ranma asked nervously.

“In most cases you need several visits, but I can’t evaluate that if you won’t show me the tattoo in question” he said poignantly and frowned at Ranma.

Ranma let out a groan and pushed down his pants and boxers as one unit; he turned around and bent over. The doctor out of professional courtesy slapped his hand over his mouth at what was permanently tattooed onto the boy’s backside and felt sympathy for him.

“My, that sure is interesting, I can see why you wish it to be removed” he said in a somber sounding voice. He had seen bad tattoos in his time, but this took the cake. “It’s not so bad” he offered out of kindness. “You must really like the girl” he added.

Ranma just glared at him “how can say this isn’t bad? If anyone were to see this my life would be ruined” he cried. “Look I was drunk at the time and probably chose the wrong tattoo; hey a friend of mine got a tramp stamp done at the same time!”

The doctor looked interested in this and handed him a card after he pulled up his boxers and pants, “have your friend call me” he advised him.

“What about me, can’t you help me?” Ranma almost pleaded.

“I accept insurance, cash and credit card; perhaps you can put it on your card?” he suggested.

“I’m a sixteen year old teenager, we don’t have credit cards” Ranma snapped.

“Actually most teenagers your age have both credit cards and cell phones that are given to them for emergencies by their parents. Don’t you?” he asked Ranma in surprised.

“My father isn’t that sort of parent” Ranma said with a sigh.

“Well I can’t work for free. I can give you a bit of a discount, but you will have to come up with the money from somewhere” he explained.

Ranma sighed and saw himself doing a lot of waitressing in the future. He felt fortunate that no one knew about his tattoo..........until it could safely be removed. He thanked the doctor and promised that he would get in touch with him soon.

Ranma was in a foul mood when he got home to find a summons from Kuno asking him to meet him at his mansion. Grinning from ear to ear, he leaped from roof top to roof top; nothing brought him out of a bad mood like sparring.

Ukyou was suspicious when she was met at the door of the Tendo house by Nabiki “oh good the gang’s all here” she commented.

“What is that jackass doing here?” Ukyou cried when she saw Kodachi sipping tea at the table.

“Yes why have you invited this peasant to our soiree?” Kodachi demanded loftily.

“Ladies calm down, I have information which might settle for once and for all who the fiancée of Ranma’s heart is” Nabiki said.

“Well obviously that’s me, he said I was his cute fiancée” Ukyou bragged.

“Men of Ranma’s caliber don’t dally with the palour maid when they can have the Queen. Obviously Ranma Darling’s choice is me” Kodachi said with a sniff, earning a nasty glare from Ukyou.

“Now ladies I have a way to determine who it is, I will let you have this information for 10,000.00 yen each” Nabiki said wickedly.

Both rivals glanced at each other as if accessing what the other would do. They each remembered in the past that dealings with Nabiki had brought them favourable results and reached for their wallets.

Nabiki greedily counted each dollar, caressing them like they were a lover. She almost got lost in the texture and smell of them until Ukyou angrily cleared her throat. “Sorry, Ranma got a tattoo on his rear last night when drunk, I don’t know what it is of, but it has a woman’s name on it” she explained.

“Ranma Darling only lacked liquid courage to admit his love for me” Kodachi declared, clasping her hands together.

“If he thought about you when getting a tattoo when plastered it would read, ‘Psycho Bitch, obvious it reads ‘Ukyou.’ Oh Ranma you chose an odd way of getting your message to me, but I accept your love” Ukyou said.

“I can find out for you and tell you what it is.....for a price” Nabiki suggested.

“No I simply must see his proof of devotion for myself” Kodachi said with a squeal.

“That goes double for me sister,” Ukyou said and they both left looking for Ranma.

“That wasn’t very nice of you Nabiki; obviously Ranma’s embarrassed about his tattoo and doesn’t want anyone to know about it. You just set the dogs on him” Akane admonished as she joined her.

“Ranma can take care of himself, besides, at least I got paid” she said, envisioning private time for herself later rolling naked in the money.

Ranma arrived at Kuno’s mansion and rang the bell; he was surprised when he was escorted by Sasuke into a candle lit room. It seemed to be a cozy palour with a large comfortable couch and a coffee table; the room didn’t seem to contain much else.

Kuno stood when Ranma was shown in, Ranma jumped when Sasuke shut the door after him. “Ah Ranma, I’m glad that you accepted my invitation” Kuno enthused. “I thought that we should get to know each other a little better. Champagne?” he asked as he lifted the bottle from an ice bucket.

Ranma felt queasy at the idea of ever touching alcohol again “no thanks” he said. With a frown, Kuno settled it amidst its icy nest. “What is all this about?” Ranma asked him.

“I felt it strange that two men with so much in common really know so little about each other, I thought we should take this opportunity to get to know each other” he explained.

“What do we have in common?” Ranma asked in a baffled voice.

“We are both skill martial artists in the prime of our lives with much to offer our love interests” Kuno explained with a shrug, setting a hand on Ranma’s shoulder in a companionable way and sipping his champagne delicately.

Ranma got a bad feeling and took a nervous sip of the champagne that he’d just refused. Was Kuno coming onto him? Did he now like both of Ranma’s forms?

“I think that we should spend more time together as friends” he said, Ranma shivered at this. “We can tell each other our secrets that we’ve never shared with anyone” he whispered conspiratorially into his ear.

Ranma stood up “look Kuno I know that you like my female form and you’ve probably heard rumours about my.....dubious sexuality, but I’m completely straight” he stammered.

“Rumours, what rumours?” Kuno said with a frown and then laughed. “Oh wait you thought I was coming onto you? I certainly didn’t mean to give you that impression. As you know I am bi-nogimous to two women. I was actually wanting to know what your tattoo looked like” he said. “I know that you got one. Come on, it’s only fair; I showed you mine” he coaxed.

“I’m sorry that I lied to you, but I can’t show it to you. It is too embarrassing” Ranma protested.

Kuno frowned at this “more embarrassing than a tramp stamp and a dolphin?” he asked dubiously.

“Way more, look I’ll pay you back for it and then we can forget about this. “I’ve got to go” Ranma said and gulped his champagne and started for the door.

“Oh Ranma” Kuno said in a sing-song voice as he set the champagne aside and picked up the frosty bucket.

“Yes?” Ranma answered.

“Looks like you’re going to need a dry change of clothes,” he said and hurled the icy water at him. Ranma gasped and tried to duck behind the couch as a wave of icy water washed over him.......and then her.

She stood up with her hands clenched into fists, “what the hell did you do that for?” demanded the sputtering redhead.

“My Pigtailed Goddess” Kuno cried and glomped onto her. “How did you get in here? Never mind I shall hide you from that sorcerer Ranma Saotome”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I am him?” she cried, punching him.

“I can’t believe that you came to visit me, what a wonderful day!” Kuno cried.

“Look you perv, I don’t like you and I’m leaving” Ranma snarled, breaking into a run.

“No you must stay for tea......and a wedding” Kuno said tackling her. Ranma gasped when she felt her too large pants slip down along with her boxer shorts at the firm grasp that Kuno had on her legs. The momentum caused the bottom of her shirt to fly forward exposing her firm buttocks in all their glory. Kuno’s got a nosebleed as his eyes feasted on the splendor of her velvety rear globes. “Why Goddess I didn’t know that you had a tattoo. Why it’s so cute, perfect for sensitive woman like yourself” he declared. He frowned as he read it “does that really read....?” he asked, his sentence was broken off when a blushing Ranma kicked him in the head.

“Get the hell off me!” she hissed at Kuno’s unconscious body as she yanked her pants back up. She frowned to see the lump on his head was covered by crossed over bandages and wondered why that happened so much when she struck someone. She shrugged and dismissed the idea of invisible nurses or helper elves and went off in search of hot water. She got excited when she discovered Kuno’s onsen and helped herself to a long, hot soak. She knew that Kuno would be out for a while.

Ranma was just getting dressed when a voice like a cat’s purr said “hello Ranma have you come to visit me?”

Mousse moaned in misery as Shampoo shook him until his teeth rattled. She didn’t believe him when he’d told her the he didn’t know what Ranma’s tattoo read as he hadn’t seen it. First she had tried to sweet talk him into telling her, and then bribe him with some things that he was tempted to make something up just to receive them. Finally she became more demanding and resorted to ‘friendly’ Amazonian interrogation techniques.

“Tell Shampoo what Ranma’s butt says!” she demanded staring in his large frightened green eyes.

“I didn’t see it, please just let me go” he pleaded.

“Mousse no talks, Shampoo go back to practicing drums” she said and did a full set with a loud crash on the cymbals to the beat of his throbbing head. Where the drum set had come from and how she knew how to play it Mousse had no idea, but it was enough to make him swear off of alcohol.