Alone In A Crowded Room

Matthew locked his fingers in his hair, to the point of discomfort. He didn’t really care at this moment. Ivan ate guys like Matthew alive. It was no secret how he treated the small, weak, ‘uncool’ kids.

Alfred always got him into trouble. Always, always. Alfred never thought. Alfred was never careful. Why couldn’t Alfred tell how dangerous Ivan was? Why wasn’t he born with a sense of self-preservation?

He could feel Raivis’ unsure hand on his back. Raivis was so shy that his hand was still shaking despite how harmless Matthew himself was. Raivis was another one of Ivan’s regular victims. Despite how much he had wanted to, Eduard could do nothing to protect him. Matthew shivered when he realized what would happen if Ivan took notice that he was dead-center between all of his favorite targets.

“You should try to meet up with him in a public place. Like a library,” Toris suggested quietly, “You definitely don’t want to go to his house. Natalia would be at his house. Plus there wouldn’t be any witnesses.”

Matthew gave an audible whimper. Witnesses? What the hell was Ivan going to do to him? If he was lucky, Ivan would kill him quickly. But then again, Matthew was never a very lucky person.

Matthew dragged his neck up to glance at his brother’s table. Alfred was halfway through a cup of pudding. He waved his hand happily with the spoon hanging halfway out of his mouth. This caused Ivan to take notice of him.

Matthew dropped his head suddenly, “Don’t do that! He hates that!” Toris had genuine fear in his voice.

“How can you tell?” Matthew said bitterly, “He’s always smiling the same way. Maybe he’s always angry.” Matthew knew that he was acting like a child. He was upset enough that he didn’t care.

Matthew was scratching at the table. He could hear the other three chattering nervously. Matthew looked up to see Alfred walking over with large Russian in tow. Matthew had the overwhelming urge to run into the boy’s bathroom and never come out. But Ivan could go into the boy’s bathroom anyway. And then he’d just be stuck in the bathroom with a probably upset Ivan.

“Hi, Matty!” Alfred chattered excitedly, “Long time no see, huh? I brought Ivan over, ‘cause he wanted to meet you. I think he might’ve been a little nervous about having a tutor,” Ivan’s lip twitched slightly at Alfred’s comment.

Matthew straightened up slightly, “Hello. I’m Alfred’s younger twin brother Matthew,” his eyes were focused on the shirt Ivan was wearing. He was sure that they words on it were in Russian.

“Alfred… Speaks very fond of you,” Ivan words sounded strained. Probably because his accent was very strong. If he hadn’t pronounced it in such a way, understanding him would be impossible.

“Um… Which subjects do you need help with?” Matthew asked coyly, playing with the food that he couldn’t bring himself to eat.

Matthew knew that he was in trouble when he saw the look on Ivan’s face. Ivan wasn’t very happy about his shortcomings being brought up in such a public place. If he didn’t need Matthew’s help, Matthew would’ve not been able to attend his next class.

Matthew gave a nervous laugh, “Uh... Well… Why don’t we just meet up at the school library after school?”

“Oh, no can do Matty. He’s got practice after classes. We’ve got a big game coming up and we can’t spare Ivan this close,” Alfred was whining loud enough for the entire lunchroom to hear him.

Matthew rolled his eyes, “If he doesn’t get his grades up that won’t matter will it?” Matthew was so used to no one listening to him he didn’t bother to alter himself. He stiffened after he realized what he said.

“Ahahahahaha, what did you just say?” Ivan’s voice faltered slightly letting on that he wasn’t pleased.

“Nothing, nothing,” Matthew felt his face flush, “I was talking to myself. It wasn’t anything important.” Matthew could feel his shoulder start to shake.

“Man, Matthew. You really should be getting more sleep. Oh, well. I can just bring Ivan home with me after practice. ‘Cause I don’t want to make you wait through practice. I know how much you hate that. Wait. You joined a club or something didn’t you? Then me and Ivan can just pick you up there,” Alfred actually remembered something about Matthew’s life. Hell must’ve frozen over.

“Huh. N-no. If today isn’t good we can just do it another time or something.” There was just something displeasing about bringing Ivan to their house. Where they live and more importantly where they sleep.

“No, no. Is fine. I have no problems about getting home late,” In fact, Ivan didn’t want to go home. Natalia had broken fifteen locks that week alone. Ivan was tired of waking up with his sister in his bed. Invading his personal space. Wearing his clothes…

“Okay,” Matthew responded, completely defeated. Why couldn’t his brother ever tell when something upset his? They were twins. They were supposed to be able to tell what they other was thinking, feeling. It was completely hopeless. Alfred would never understand. Matthew nearly smiled. It was okay. He supposed that Alfred didn’t need to understand.

Toris nudged Matthew slightly. Matthew looked up and Toris gave a small sigh before quietly talking, “Matthew. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind, but the lunch break is over. We’ve got to get to class.” Toris waited a few seconds to make sure that Matthew had heard him before walking away.

Matthew picked his books up again. They felt heavier than they did when he had put them down. Though even his feet felt heavier. He needed to stop at the nurse’s office for some headache medicine.

He slinked through the office. That was the only good thing about being invisible. Even the secretary didn’t notice him. Matthew walked into the small room that belonged to the school nurse.

She didn’t seem to be in. She couldn’t have gone to lunch because the door hadn’t been locked… He set his books down and lay down on the cot by the nurse’s desk.

If Matthew was the type to cuss… Someone might’ve noticed him running down the hall. Matthew had fallen asleep in the nurse’s office, and she had just let him be. A kind gesture certainly, but he had missed his afternoon classes. Now he was running to band practice with bed head hair.

Matthew’s entire front side stung. In his rush he had tripped. Again. He didn’t have good days, not by a long shot. This had to be the worst day of his life. He grabbed for his book and got his hand stepped on. He pulled his hand back out of reflex and then hurriedly gathered them back up.

Matthew moaned. His books had footprints all over them, “Just wonderful,” Matthew muttered bitterly.

The wind taken out of his sails he continued his journey to the music room in a slow march. He ignored the occasional bumps and irritated yells instructing him to move out of the way.

Matthew pulled the door back and went to get his instrument from it’s cubby, “You’re kidding me! No, no, no, no,” tears swelled up in Matthew’s eyes, “It’s gone… How could it be gone…?”

“Ta~Da~!” a familiar case was thrust into Matthew’s face, “Huh? What’s wrong with you?”

Matthew grasped the case, pulling it to his chest in a tight hug, “Why did you have it? Do you think messing with me is funny?” a few tears streamed down Matthew’s face.

Yong Soo tilted his head, “No, calm down… Um…. Uh….” It seemed that Matthew’s name slipped Yong Soo’s mind, “It was an accident,” he smiled calmly despite the tense situation.

Matthew decided to just let it go and took a seat. How Yong Soo could mistake Matthew’s clarinet for his trumpet was beyond him, but he always heard Yao talking about what a ditz his cousin was.

Matthew could barely focus during practice. He felt completely useless. He couldn’t stop thinking about getting strangled by Ivan. How was he supposed to tutor a guy that didn’t want to admit he needed help? He hoped that it didn’t take as long to help Ivan with his homework that it did to help Alfred. Because he knew that he was going to have to help Alfred with his Literature essay afterwards.

Matthew knew that he was stalling, but he always cleaned his instrument after use. He knew how to take care of his things. But still. He didn’t normally clean it this thoroughly. He didn’t really have to but…

His mouth had been stuck in a frown ever since lunch. He packed his precious clarinet back up, and gently pushed it back into the cubby.

Matthew put his books in his locker. He didn’t need to bring them home because he didn’t have any of his assignments from that day. He walked down the hall to the exit closest to the football field.

He figured that he might as well go to meet his brother. At least to tell him that he needed to go home separately. Matthew rode his bike to school every day. Alfred had over twenty girls offering him a ride to school any given day.

Matthew strained his ears, “Oh, my god. No way…” Matthew slowly opened the door to reveal his fears. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about making conversation just yet.

The football meet had been cancelled due to rain. Since the room the band met in was behind the auditorium stage it had no windows. So Matthew had no idea that it had started pouring.

Matthew jogged back to the front of the school to recover his bike. He pulled up the hood on his coat. Matthew gave a loud sigh and looked upwards, “What did I ever to do you?”

By the time Matthew had found his way home he was dripping wet and covered in mud. He clumsily fondled through his pockets for his house keys.

All he wanted to do was climb into bed, but he knew that he would have to deal with his worst fears first. He wished he could just somehow wake up. That, however, seemed more than a little unlikely.

“Al!” Matthew called though the house. He gave a small sigh. Maybe Alfred had ditched. It’s not that he hadn’t done it on their study sessions before.

He relaxed slightly feeling the soft cream colored carpet under his feet. He was careful not to touch anything on his way to his room. Their mother thought that light colors were elegant. She didn’t think about how impractical it was when you had two teenage sons.

“Looks like I finally caught a break,” Matthew muttered under his breath. He kicked off his shoes and headed to his room.

He’d peel off his wet clothes, and lie down on his bed. He’d be safe in his room. He’d be in the only secure place in the world.

He’d pick up his beloved childhood friend, his stuffed bear Kumajiro and he’d just sleep the entire day away. And when he woke up, everything would be right again.

Matthew’s heartbeat picked up. His bedroom light was on. He never left it on. Alfred knew better than to go into his room. He knew how touchy Matthew was about that.

Matthew gave another small whine before clutching the cool metal doorknob in his hand. He turned it slowly as if it might change the whole outcome.

His heart filled with horror at the sight before him. There he was. Ivan looked like he was sleeping peacefully with his long legs hanging over the sides. His practice jersey was covered in dirt and grass. And now his bed was covered in it.

He gasped loudly when he realized that he had left Kumajiro on his bed. And now Ivan’s ass was settled firmly on top of his childhood friend.

“Why do I think he might kill me if I wake him up….?” Matthew muttered to himself. But then he’d probably kill him if he just let him sleep.

“Where the hell is Al?”

A/N: Happy birthday Onee-chan. Hope you like your custom present. <3 Poor Matthew’s just had one of those days.

MyBloodWontClot: I know. It’s weird. I normally don’t like High School Aus either. But yeah. Toris will totally hit that fine gay cheerleader behind in later chapters. That’s okay. I’m used to Francis watching anyways. >>

Jeazard: Thanks! Hope you stay along for the ride.

Chishio: Yeah, well… That works both ways. I know where you sleep too. BTW. Happy Birthday. XP