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Fever Dreams	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male > L/Light Views: 2733 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
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CHAPTER 2
Light let the other investigators carry him and L to bed and put them in. Light was shivering yet burning, and L was also shockingly hot to the touch. L was drifting in and out of consciousness, and was too weak to even sit up on his own. Light could tell that L was almost completely incoherent, so he pretended to be just as bad and the investigators seemed to buy it. Light smirked inwardly to himself. Nobody except L could ever see through his acting. Aizawa, Mogi and Matsuda were toweling the two of them dry as they lay in bed, and then using hairdryers on their hair, and putting some underwear on them. Immediately after that, a doctor arrived.
The doctor quickly pronounced both of them to have "delirium" and L to have a "high-grade fever," while Light had an ordinary fever. The only things that could be done were to give them medicine and press cool cloths to the forehead to bring down the fever, plus keeping them under observation in case things got worse. L refused to swallow his medicine until it was mixed with an enormous quantity of sugar, and even then, he threw it up a few minutes later. He was ranting now about how he was sure Kira was planning to kill him, perhaps by using "the monster," and he kept trying to point out Rem to the doctor. Rem simply stood in the corner of the room, watching.
The doctor stayed by the bedside, and the investigators drifted in and out of the room periodically, seeing to various job duties and then checking in on L and Light. The entire time, Light thought furiously. He'd come to a decision a day ago, but he didn't know how, or if, he could pull it off. He was in too far, and it would be very complicated to extricate himself now. Light had decided that he didn't want to be Kira any more. But, how to do it, especially without dying, that was the question.
Before Misa and Rem had arrived and made things so complicated, Light could have quit the Kira plan at any time with no real consequences. All he needed to do was figure out some way of making sure Ryuk wouldn't kill him too far in advance of when his death was naturally scheduled to occur, and then destroy the death note. Without any evidence or memories, L would never be able to convict him. Back then, L didn't have enough evidence to even detain Light briefly. L might have kept investigating Light for a long time, and it would have been very frustrating, but L would have eventually been forced to give up.
But, at this point, Misa was fulfilling the role of Kira. She was in extreme danger of being caught the moment that suspicion turned toward her, and everything had been perfectly set up to make Rem worried about Misa and ready to kill in her defense. Light hadn't spared anything in his race to put pressure on Rem. He'd even made sure to have exactly the right sorts of conversations with the other investigators to make the situation painfully clear. Even someone with Rem's brainpower should know that it was a countdown until Misa was in danger from L once again. Rem could act at any moment. Light was running out of time for an alternative plan.
L had been the catalyst for Light's change of heart. Not because Light loved him, but because of the stage L represented. Sure, the sexual tension was there between them, and it had only built and built the entire time they'd known each other, but Light hadn't expected to act on it, and he hadn't thought L would respond enthusiastically either. No, the decision to try to find some way to stop being Kira had occurred a day before their sexual encounter, because of a train of thought Light had been having about L.
Killing L was a stage in Light's plan that he'd never reached before. Light had never killed someone he actually knew well. He'd only seen a couple of people die in front of him and he'd never killed someone close to him. The would-be rapist that was his second-ever kill was a guy he'd seen for the first time that night, and Raye Penber was someone he'd only met briefly twice, and Naomi Misora, whom he didn't even see die, was someone he'd had just one conversation with. It wasn't too difficult to kill people like that, even if they weren't criminals.
But, to move to a stage where Light would kill those he had spent a lot of time with, people he actually knew, that stage had a strong possibility of breaking Light's sanity in a way it had never been broken before. Light had finally admitted to himself that he was reluctant to do it. It would make him feel like a murderer, something he had never felt like before as he wrote down neat little rows of names on clean white paper.
That was why he had been trying to set up Rem to do it for him. Subconsciously, Light didn't want to kill L. Sure, it would be nice to get Rem out of the way so that she wouldn't be threatening to kill Light or obstructing his plans in the future, but the truth was that Light could easily control someone to get a photo of L, then get Misa to see his name, and then Light could write down a death for L according to some genius plan that would certainly keep anyone from ever suspecting Light.
If Rem killed L, it would be by a heart attack, and she might do it in a suspicious way. L's death was something important enough that Light should have been handling it personally, but instead he'd tried to push responsibility onto a flunky. But, Light had been in so much denial about his own actions that he hadn't realized why he'd set up Rem to kill L until recently, and then after that realization set in he had started thinking about what that reluctance meant.
At the start of the whole Kira plan, Light had felt his sanity crumbling within the first few days of using the death note. You couldn't kill so many people and remain sane. But, he had held it together better than almost anyone else could have done under the same circumstances. He strengthened his determination, hardened his willpower. He worked on himself until he was calm and serene about killing, until he could do it without even a twitch coming into his face. And, he was determined to hold himself to his ideals, to never slip into self-serving pettiness or killings that didn't really promote his utopia.
Light had studied historical events and people that related to his Kira plan. Those who used death to try to cleanse society of undesirables usually created a kind of hell on earth. Of course, most of those people were brutal dictators who targeted ethnic groups or peasants, not criminals.
Apart from the bloody reigns of such dictators, there were times and places in history where the death penalty was common, and these usually weren't nice societies either. A society that was exceptionally hard on criminals usually didn't reduce crime or make life pleasant. But, Light had realized that these societies had one thing in common. The extremely tough application of justice was a response to already-existing high crime, often in a chaotic environment such as America's Wild West or some nation where the landscape was dominated by warlords and famine. In other words, it was being applied inaccurately in an environment that was already brutal and corrupt, often with an equally corrupt justice system to go along with it.
Light was certain he could make Kira's reign different. In modern times, with the types of information flows available and the fairly well-functioning justice systems of most civilized countries, there was a unique opportunity for someone like Light, someone exceptionally smart and with the power to kill anonymously and independently of any political system, to almost completely eliminate premeditated major crimes from the world.
There would still be crimes of passion and crimes by those who thought, rightly or wrongly, that they'd never get caught, but the rest of the world's major crimes could almost entirely disappear. Light could create a world where the death penalty was so swift and certain that you'd have to be deluded to commit murder. He wouldn't be like the brutal dictators of history who were corrupted by the systems built around them, because he wouldn't be part of any system, he would act independently. Plus, Light was smarter than any of those people. He would never get corrupted the way they had, and turn from his ideals into self-serving murders.
But Light had realized, if he couldn't keep his ideals clean, if he started being corrupted, if he turned around some moral corner that led the wrong way, then it would be better to give up being Kira. No, Light wasn't giving up his Kira plan for the love of L. He was giving it up because it was killing him, poisoning him, trying to turn him into a tyrant who was only slightly better than a Stalin or a Hitler. Light could already see the process happening.
Although he'd been in denial at the time, it had begun as early as the Lind L. Tailor incident, when he'd lashed out from pride and arrogance, more interested in being the god of the new world than in protecting people from crime. And it was painfully obvious in the entire Higuchi plan, when Light had deliberately instructed Rem to place a death note into the hands of someone who would abuse that power for personal gain, since he needed L to catch the new Kira for his plan to work, and someone who only killed criminals would be almost uncatchable. All those innocent people Higuchi had killed in his rise to power, the blood of those murders was on Light's hands.
Light could already imagine that there was a good chance that if he killed L and continued with his Kira plan, he might have to put a death note into less-than-capable hands to deflect suspicion from himself. If suspicion ever fell on Light again, Misa would be useless since she had been a suspect along with Light. He'd have to choose a fanatical Kira supporter, someone who would never betray him and could kill over and over without breaking under the strain. But people that fanatical usually had serious mental problems and poor judgment.
More victims who didn't deserve to die would get killed. Light liked to bask in the glory of knowing the sheer number of followers he had as Kira, but many of those individual followers were so scary and stupid that Light didn't like them at all. Kira websites tended to be extremely violent and full of complete idiocy. In general, fanatical Kira followers simply did not seem like the sort of people who could bring about a peaceful utopia.
A day ago, Light had realized that killing L, even through Rem, represented that moral corner he must not turn around. The Kira plan had failed, and ultimately it would only bring him death and misery. Killing a person close to him would cause his remaining sanity to crumble away, leading to carelessness, bad judgment and Light turning into exactly the sort of person Kira ought to judge. It was through. It was over. It hurt horribly to think of what might have been, but now was the time to get out.
But getting out was the trouble. Light hadn't thought he would want out so late in the game, and he hadn't left himself any path back to safety. Even if he managed to get Misa to give up her death note right away and destroy all evidence in her possession, Rem still might panic and kill L. Especially if L tried something such as testing the 13-day rule. Light was almost completely certain L would try that before too long; he knew the way the detective's mind worked.
Light might be able to find a way to beg Rem to not kill L away from the cameras and the microphones, but there was no guarantee that she would listen, or see any reason to what Light was saying. There was also a possibility Rem might try some game of her own, such as trying to force Light to take the shinigami eye deal and kill off the investigators himself.
Light did briefly think about finding a way to secretly confess everything to L and throwing himself on his mercy. But Light simply knew L too well, and he couldn't imagine that working out. It wasn't like Light could just say, "Oh, L, now that we've had sex, I think you should know I'm Kira. I'm sure you'll just forgive me for killing thousands of people and you'll abandon the most important case of your career to follow wherever your penis leads you, even though you have every right to suspect that I might trick you and kill you."
No, L was too devoted to being L. Light knew L, L was much like himself about these things. Just as Light needed something much more than a sexual relationship in order to give up being Kira, L likewise needed something big in order to divert from his path as the world's greatest detective who was committed to justice over his personal life. Light had good enough reasons to stop being Kira: to preserve what was left of his sanity along with his life, and to avoid seeing his ideal dream forever soiled and degraded.
But L didn't have much reason to betray who he was and what he stood for as L. Giving up the entire Kira case in return for a kind-of friendship with much sexual tension and one night of passionate sex and the likelihood of more sex and a weak, unprovable promise Light wouldn't kill him... that just wasn't like L.
It was already too late for Light to really win. Even with the diversion created by Higuchi, too much of the evidence pointed at Light. Light thought that the best he could do would be to create some kind of permanent draw, but it would have to be one that deflected suspicion from Misa and satisfied Rem. That would be difficult, since most of the solid evidence, namely the physical evidence from the Kira videos, pointed directly at Misa. The 13-day rule would only clear Misa temporarily, since a living L would test it, probably soon. The only way to really clear Misa would be if it seemed that Kira had controlled her into sending those videos to Sakura TV.
But the investigators did not currently know any way that Kira could control people without causing their deaths in the process. By still being alive, Misa looked guilty. Light knew that, based on the video evidence alone, L could have had Interpol execute Misa at any time. L had only kept her alive because of a small doubt he had about whether she'd been manipulated or not and because he thought she might be the key to getting evidence on Light.
If Light was going to keep L alive, then he needed to find some way to make that video evidence meaningless. The problem was that the investigators now had too much information about Kira's power and how it worked. The plan had been to kill L very quickly after Higuchi's capture, leaving only unsuspicious investigation team members alive. Those remaining investigators would never do something like testing the death note.
Light tossed and turned in the bed, feeling a bit dizzy and woozy from his fever, L still continuing to rant like a maniac beside him. If only he could backtrack, go back to an earlier stage in the investigation. He had been arrogant, and he'd made the mistake of allowing the investigation to get too much information. If Light could just erase a bunch of the information the investigators already had, he could create a situation where Misa would look like a helpless victim. It would be more difficult to completely clear himself, since L had never found any other candidate for being the mastermind Kira, but he could at least create an unwinnable draw between L and himself. L would be forever suspicious, but he wouldn't be able to prove anything no matter what he did. In fact, in some ways it would be the best situation if L's suspicions of Light were kept as high as possible without actual proof, because that would mean Misa would be of less interest to him.
Light's breath suddenly caught in his throat and he sat straight up in bed.
Erase information from the investigation.
He had a plan, and it would probably work, because it was the last thing L would ever suspect. Best of all, it would make it look as if everyone in the investigation had been temporarily controlled by Kira, without killing them. This would really help divert suspicion from Misa because, if the investigators could be controlled without being Kira, then Misa could be controlled without being Kira. Best of all, it would get rid of the threat of the 13-day-rule test.
Light smirked to himself. It would also have the side-benefit of bringing him closer to L. He had to admit, there had been a mountain of sexual tension between them, and the sex they'd had... it had been unbelievably hot, better than he ever would have imagined. But he couldn't get closer to L with trust, not at this point. No, their relationship wasn't built on trust, it was built on suspicion. And, the best way to make that relationship closer would be to keep L's suspicions high, without ever confirming them with actual proof. As long as L was suspicious, he would do his best to keep Light where he could personally watch him all the time.
Light subtly slid one hand down beside the bed. Watari was probably watching the surveillance video right now, but he wouldn't expect Light to try anything with three other people in the room, and he'd have to pay very close attention to catch any part of what Light was planning to do.
Light looked directly at Rem, staring hard, catching her attention. Then, he crooked a finger in a "come here" motion, and then went under the covers, creating a little tent. In a few moments, Rem phased up from under the bed into the little "tent" Light had made. Light moved his head over and whispered directly in her ear, "Let's communicate like this. The microphones in the room can't pick up whispering this quiet, just like when I talk with Misa, and the blanket blocks the cameras from seeing that you're here with me. I have a plan, but I need your help."
Rem put her mouth directly to Light's ear, and whispered, "Light Yagami, I've already figured out your plan. You mean for me to kill myself. Why won't you use Misa's eyes and kill your obstacles yourself?"
"No," Light whispered, "I've got a better plan than that, and you'll live. What we need to do is to make every single investigator into a death note owner, one at a time, and then force them to give up ownership. According to the rules you explained to me, it will also destroy all knowledge they have about death notes and shinigami."
Rem whispered, "I fail to see how that will help. They restrained Misa before without having that knowledge, and they can always access their own data and surveillance videos to re-educate themselves about those topics."
"With my plan, I'll destroy everything that could let them figure out what they used to know. I'll be the decoy to save Misa. I'll create a mystery that L can't solve, but also can't leave alone. The entire Kira case is going to become an immense, meaningless distraction for him. Once I'm done, Misa will look innocent, but I'll look suspicious and L will keep watch over me forever, leaving Misa alone."
Rem whispered back, "So, you'll be separated from Misa? Won't this make her unhappy?"
"No," Light whispered, "I already make her unhappy. One-sided human relationships, where love is forced or faked, always do that. Misa will be happier and safer without me."
"Then, I will do as you instruct. What is your plan?"
Light smirked. He was finally going to outsmart L, and it was going to be so much fun. L would never see this one coming. L would never think that Kira wanted to actually increase suspicions. That was completely illogical. L would also never suspect Light was deliberately drawing suspicion to himself in order to protect Misa. That, also, was completely illogical unless you knew about Rem and Rem's threat. This was especially true since L knew that Light really didn't like Misa at all.
Then, Light began explaining the details of his plan to Rem.
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Fever Dreams