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Gone Forever	By : Nayru774 Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3479 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Warnings: Some serious talk, Kanda acting a bit out of character, crack, angst and a bit of blood.

~Gone Forever~

Chapter 02: Spare me the details

Allen was clueless. He had no idea if it was better for him to get out of bed and run for his life − or rather, try to − anywhere far, far away, or just drop dead on the spot. He could swear he's never seen Kanda this angry before. Even that time when the dark-haired man tried to threaten everyone on the Ark wasn't this bad. Then again, this and that were completely different things, and Allen tried to tell himself that it needed to come to this meeting sooner or later. He should have been aware of the fact the moment he made his decision earlier.

Hesitantly, the white-haired boy shifted to a sitting position on his bed, keeping his gaze rooted to his visitor the whole time. He had this weird feeling that something bad would happen had he tried to look away.

Kanda was trembling − with fury, most likely − but he just stood there beside the door, throwing daggers at him, apparently waiting for Allen to say something − anything − maybe give a proper answer to his question.

What was he thinking? The boy wasn't sure himself anymore. The moment Kanda entered the room, his mind went totally blank. His voice died in his throat and he had no idea what to say; how to start this, and the silence was killing him. The only thing he was aware of were the frequent beats of his racing heart.

"...So you remember?" Allen finally brought himself to ask, not sure if that even sounded like a question or a statement.

"I don't! That's the fucking problem!" Kanda roared.

The white-haired boy could feel himself tense up when the other Exorcist started to go further into the room, thus approaching him.

...Did he say something wrong? Was this the end?

But then, the older man stopped in his tracks.

"Komui told me..." To Allen's surprise, the other's voice sounded a bit more calm now. Well, maybe not calm. More like... uncertain. Kanda looked as if he was hoping all of this was some kind of sick joke, and Komui was just trying to make fun of him, or whatever. And that the boy before him could prove him right.

"...W-What did he tell you?" Allen stammered, trying so smile for once. But his smile disappeared immediately after a second or two, as he figured that Kanda wasn't fond of the idea of answering that question in the slightest.

Then the dark-haired man took a glimpse of Allen's exposed neck, and it seemed to confuse and piss him off even more.

Closing his eyes, he let out an irritated growl, abruptly shifting to sit on the floor, with his back pressed against the side of the bed.

"...I can't believe you!" He hissed, bringing his hand to his forehead, leaning his elbow on his knee. "Who even gave you the stupid idea..."

Allen blinked, slightly taken aback from the sudden turn of events. Maybe he could get out of this in one piece after all?

"...Are you alright now?" He asked, averting his gaze to his lap.

"No, I'm not alright!" Kanda roared again. "...I feel like some kind of fucking pedophile!" The younger boy wasn't imagining things when he saw the other facepalm himself. "...Jesus."

Allen sweatdroped at that. Somehow he was surprised that age seemed to be the thing Kanda was worried most about right now. He even found that somewhat amusing. "...I'm almost sixteen, Kanda."

"Still sixteen." The other corrected in an annoyed tone.

"You're not that much older yourself, you know." The boy backfired, starting to feel more relieved.

"...Whatever." Kanda grunted. "It still makes a difference."

"I was even able to get a critical before you did." Allen sticked his tounge out at the other man.

And it was obviously a bad move, as the dark-haired Exorcist turned to look at him with a look that could kill. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Things were slowly getting back at the right track, Allen figured. He was used to fighting with Kanda like this, it made him relax more. At least this was something he could deal with.

"Age doesn't matter. See?"

"Right." The other answered in an sarcastic tone. "Of course it doesn't. Now just try and tell me you've been sexually active way before."

Allen frowned at the remark. Okay, maybe getting over this conversation wouldn't be that easy, after all. What was Kanda's problem, anyway? Why was he making such a big deal out of this? He didn't seem to care about anything else before.

Oh well, it was sink or swim, Allen figured. He knew he'd die from embarrasment during this conversation anyway, so he might as well take it all out.

"Who knows?" He gave a shrug. "Maybe I'm not as innocent as you picture me to be."

Kanda raised an eyebrow at that. "Are you kidding me?"

"What? Are you mad I was the one who took your innocence away?" The boy asked in a sarcastic tone, blushing a little.

...Oh boy, he was starting to play with fire right now, and he knew it.

Next thing Allen knew, he was being hit in the face. Bringning his hand to his mouth, he tried to stop the sudden nosebleed.

Wrong button to push.

"What the fuck are you trying to pull?" Kanda was furious again. "Are you trying to make fun of me? Don't give me that shit!"

"...Sorry." Allen started to feel ashamed of himself. He had no idea what came over him.

Wiping his face in his blanket, he got it dirty all over. But somehow he couldn't find himself to care about it right now.

The dark-haired man clenched his fists, getting ahold of himself. "...don't..." He tried to say something, but didn't bring himself to finish. Then he took a seat again, on the edge of the bed this time. His gaze was rooted to the wall before him. "...I didn't think I'd hit you this hard."

The younger Exorcist finally looked at his visitor, slightly taken aback from the words he just heard.

Was that Kanda's way of saying sorry?

"...It's okay." Allen spoke in a reassuring tone. "I've been asking for it."

The older man looked in the boy's direction, still frowning, but his face expression was a bit more gentle now.

"I know... I know you're mad at me... and probably freaked out from all of this..." The white-haired Exorcist started, trying to find the right words as he averted his gaze to his lap again. He figured he needed to face this topic head-on sooner or later, and that's probably what Kanda waited for all along. "But I... I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you." He paused for a moment. "I wanted to help you, that's all..."

"I never asked for your help." The other stated bluntly, apparently not too happy with Allen's confession.

"Well duh." The boy looked up. "The state you were in, you could hardly ask for anything."

The dark-haired man went silent at that, and Allen blinked, wondering if he said something wrong again.

And then it hit him.

Was... Was Kanda actually feeling guilty because of what happened? Was that what this was all about?

"Kanda, you..." The boy started, a bit uncertain.

"You know what, I'm sick of this." The other interrupted him. "I'm sick of your stupidity, and I'm sick of the idea that you decided to go thought all that shit because of me."

Kanda was angry, but there was also something else in his voice, and Allen couldn't quite grasp what it was. Either way, he became talkactive all of a sudden, so the white-haired decided to turn to ears for now.

"And I'm even more sick of the fact that I don't remember a bloody thing." The man continued, turning to look at the boy with an intense look again. "I have no idea what you were actually thinking when you did that. Did it hurt you? Did you enjoy it? For all I know, maybe you actually wanted me to rape you?"

Allen was looking at the other man with wide eyes now, his face beat red. Was Kanda for real? Did he really say that just now?

"...W-What are you even saying?" He stammered, completely taken aback from the sudden words.

"So which is it?" The older man raised an eyebrow, seeing the other's wide blush.

Allen couldn't believe this. What was with him? This wasn't Kanda he was speaking with right now! What the hell?

"You idiot! I'm not...! It's not... like that..." He faltered, trying to find the right words. "...What's with you?" And he was seriously starting to freak out here.

Kanda stared at him with a suspicious look for a while more, before he finally sighed and looked away, his frown returning to his face again. The other boy was just staring, dumbfounded, not knowing what else to say.

"...So, what do you want me to do?" The older man suddenly asked, irritated.

"Huh?" Allen blinked, not understanding.

"I'm also sick of the idea of staying in your debt." The dark-haired continued. "Tell me how to make it up to you."

Whoa, whoa, Kanda was really acting a bit out of character today, Allen couldn't help himself to note. The Japanese didn't have a debt problem with anything else before, so why now, all of a sudden?

"You don't have to pay me back with anything..." The boy answered in a soft voice. "I'm not awaiting anything in return, Kanda. The fact that I was able to help you is enough for me."

"Che. You and your idealistic crap." The other grunted. "Would you stop with it already? Tell me before I change my mind."

"You're finally awake." Komui entered the room with a tray in hand, alerting Allen's nose with all kinds of nice smells. "I've brought you something to eat. Figured you'd be hungry. I asked Jerry to make the ones you like."

There were all kinds of dishes on the tray, starting from sandwitches, potatoes, pasta and rice − followed by pancakes and dango − ending on all kinds of meat. The plates were even on top of eachother, apparently for more to fit.

"Ah, Komui-san." Allen sat up on the bed, smiling at his supervisor. "Thank you."

"How are you feeling?" The taller man asked, approaching the boy. It didn't take long for him to notice the apparent blush on Allen's face.

"...Is everything alright?" He asked, slightly puzzled. "...Did you catch a fever?"

"Ah! N-No!" The white-haired flailed. "It's nothing!" Smiling nervously, he yanked the tray of food from the supervisor's hands and turned to his newly-arived dinner. "Itadakimasu!"

"Did you talk with Kanda?" Komui asked after a moment.

And that made Allen stop in his attempts at eating. "...Yes. He was here."

"He ran out of the room before I could finish explaining everything. I figured he'd come here." The supervisor commented bluntly, smiling a little. "So, how did it go?"

"You can't imagine how angry he was..." Allen answered in a shaky voice, shivering at the thought. "But I guess we... came to a mutual agreement... somewhat."

"Oh?" Komui looked intrugued. "Well, I'm glad to hear that." And his smile widened even more. "You should have seen Kanda's face expression when I told him the truth! It was priceless."

"Komui-san...?" Allen sweatdroped. Alright, he was seriously starting to get worried. There was really something wrong with everyone lately.

"Really... There isn't anything..." Allen insisted.

Kanda growled in irritation.

The white-haired smiled nervously, suddenly getting an idea. "...How about you start calling me by my name, for instance?"

"Che. That's too much to ask, Moyashi." The other answered bluntly.

"Like hell it is!" The boy complained. "Is 'Allen' that hard to pronounce?" And it made Kanda give him a death-glare, so he decided to let it go, mumbling something hardly comprehensible under his nose. "...Nevermind."

"Think of something else." The other insisted.

Allen grimaced and folded his arms, thinking. Silence engulfed the two one more time, but it didn't seem to make them so uncomfortable anymore. Well, it wasn't that intense for the white-haired, at least.

"God damn me for even suggesting this..." Kanda started suddenly, a bit uncertain, then paused for a moment. "...How about we do this equally?"

The boy raised an eyebrow, puzzled. "Huh?"

"When you feel better..." The dark-haired man gritted his teeth and frowned, closing his eyes, and Allen wondered if he was just imagining things or did the other actually... blush right now? "...I'll let you have your way with me."

...

What did he just...? I...? We... Wait... What...? WHAT? Allen stared at Kanda with wide eyes, totally dumbfounded, and he could only hear his mind screaming at him in ways he didn't even consider possible.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

...No, Kanda didn't say that just now. He must have been hearing things.

"...Stop freaking out on me, you idiot!" By the time the white-haired boy started to come back to reality, he could feel his face burning, and Kanda's was also as red as a tomato. "It was just a stupid suggestion!" The other yelled, irritation back on track once again.

Allen opened his mouth to try and say something, but his voice seemed to have died in his throat.

And Kanda obviously lost it. "...Jesus, forget it."

In the blink of an eye, he was outside of the room, whaming the door behind him so loud that it almost made the white-haired boy jump in shock.

What the...?

And here he was, lying in bed like some kind of idiot, looking at the tray of food that stood beside on the floor. Somehow he couldn't bring himself to eat all of that, even though it wasn't even a one-tenth of what he normally used to have.

He felt sick.

Everything started to go wrong ever since they returned from the Ark. The moment Cross made him enter that bizarre room, something inside of him changed, and Allen felt so uneasy because of it that it was driving him crazy sometimes.

He started to doubt Mana. He started to doubt himself. ...He started to doubt everyone.

Headquarters were supposed to start moving to another place shortly. They needed his help in operating the Ark, and somehow Allen couldn't help himself but wonder if that wasn't the only reason the higher-ups still kept him here.

He really felt sick.

Komui managed to get his survelliance suspended for another week, but now that it came down to it, Allen wasn't even sure if he felt relieved because of that or not.

Being alone by himself scared him. Because he knew he wasn't alone, the paradox.

And now, Kanda...

He didn't know what to think anymore. He wasn't even sure if he understood it correctly.

...Was the dark-haired man really willing to sleep with him again, just to make it all up? ...Was he for real?

Allen found himself blushing when his imagination carried him a bit too far.

...Screw this. The boy stood up from the bed, ignoring the ache in his body.

He needed some fresh air. He'd seriously loose it if he stayed here any longer.

"They'll be moving soon." A girl's voice echoed throughout the dark room.

"Just now?" Joined a manly voice. "They sure are taking their sweet time."

"What do you expect? They lost over half of their men."

"Well, it's a good time as any. This might be fun."

"Enjoying yourself, like always. Eh, Tyki?"

"You know me." The Noah gave a smirk, turning to the other person that was standing next to them. "Fancy to join me, Lu? I have this nice idea..."

Nayru's Note: I don't know if I'll be able to live up to everyone's expectations with this story, but I'll try to give my best. I already have a bunch of ideas in mind.

Although I think I should make one thing clear. Even though this is a Yullen fic, if anyone's expecting this to turn into fluff or something of the sort any time soon, then I advise you to look elswhere. If the story goes the way I want it to, then the relationship between the two will be far from a romantic one. The Yullen I picture in my mind is messed up and dysfunctional. Things such as 'I love you', 'omg, I love you too' simply do not work with Kanda and Allen for me. And even if there might appear some feelings later on, they have a long, long way to go. I like things to develop slowly, if only for the fact that it seems out of character for me if they don't.
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Gone Forever