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The Lost Boy's Lost Love	By : missraede Category: +M to R > Ranma ½ Views: 6789 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma 1/2, and this story is purely a bit of fictitious fun. So, cough, obviously, no profitis being made...

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
AN: Contains some actual dialogue from the episode Ryoga & Akane 2-gether 4-ever; so, spoiler alert, incidentally.

Chapter 2: The First Date

Pigboy must've stayed to eat his fill that night, because he was still there the next morning when Ranma finally awoke. The two crossed paths on their trip to the bathroom, and Ranma's eyes turned down at the little piglet with a glare, clearly unimpressed.

"Pretty resourceful, aren't you?" he mocked. P-chan stared him down.

Ranma stared back. It occured to him then how utterly ridiculous he must look standing there, having a staring contest with a pig. He grimaced.

"...Whatever," he said. He was over it. He gave the shirt he'd planned on wearing a snap at the pig. P-chan recognized the attack and took a lunge at his feet.

"Hey!" Ranma stumbled.

And thus, it was on.

"What's this...?" Ranma could hear Akane ask from the kitchen. He didn't know or care what she was talking about. He was a little busy.

"...found it on the step this morning..."

"Come HERE you little RUNT!" Ranma shouted.

P-chan swerved into the kitchen. He tried to leap into the protection of Akane's loving arms, but he encountered a problem: she was already holding something. The piglet hopped away and Ranma wasted no time shoving Akane out of his path. He knew he stepped on something after that, but he wasn't sure what it was. Something squishy; made him wish he'd been wearing socks.

"HEY!" Akane shouted at them. "Ranma! What is the MATTER with you two!"

"I wish they wouldn't play with other people's food..."

"Huh? Is that what this is?" Akane bent down. The package she'd dropped was indeed some sort of food dish. A plate of okinomiyaki, to be exact. Whoever could that be from?

There was a message written across it in sauce, but it was now hardly legible. Akane's face contorted as she read it. "Ohh, for -" Her voice fell. "A challenge letter."

Of course it was a challenge letter. 'Akane Tendo,' it read, 'I'll be waiting for you at Uk-Chan's Okinomiyaki today at 2'. Ranma's foot had made a pretty sizable imprint along the side of the dish, but luckily, it didn't seem to have completely cut out any of the message.

So - Ukyo wanted a piece of her, did she? She should've known it'd only be a matter of time. Fine then. Akane Tendo wasn't about to back out of a fight. First Kodachi, then Shampoo - she could handle another crazy coming her way.

She scooped up the box and threw it in the trash, growing angrier by the second. She embraced that anger; anger was good. Anger produced the adrenaline that was going to carry her to victory. No one was going to come and rescue her this time. She didn't need Ranma, or anybody else. This was all on her.

:::[later that day]:::

"You did what?" Ranma couldn't believe it.

"Yup." Ukyo was nothing but chipper about it.

"You're kidding," said Ranma. She had to be.

"Nope." Okay, maybe she wasn't kidding, but it didn't matter; Akane would never go for it.

"Akane's never gonna go for that!" Ranma was sure of it. Almost as sure of it as Ryoga had been. "You don't know her like I know her. She hates boys, and she hates dates. You know what she's probably thinking right now?"

Ukyo had become distracted, thinking on the preparations she still needed to make, and had long stopped listening, but Ranma's belief that Akane wouldn't show was starting to worry her. What if she didn't? Ranma lived with her; he probably knew the girl a lot better than she did. Ukyo frowned. Hopefully everything would work out.

"...Hello?" Ranma waved a hand in front of her face. "I said, do you know what she's probably thinking right now? Hey are you even listening?"

"Um." Ukyo shrugged. "Sorry, I need to get going. It's almost showtime!"

"Showtime?" Ranma spat, but it was too late. Ukyo slid down off the thick tree branch they were sharing and ran off to town, leaving the pig-tailed martial artist by himself. He let out a snort. It was just like he said: there was no way Akane was going to go along with this. He'd probably go home to find her all moody and completely offended that Ryoga had even considered asking her on something ridiculous a date. Yeah, she was just that kind of girl, you know? Always looking for something to be mad about.

Not long at all after Ukyo had disappeared from sight, Ranma leapt out of the tree and wasted no time getting back to the Tendo home. He arrived there in minutes; he was panting heavily by the time he reached the door. He took deep breaths to compose himself before he went inside.

The place was quiet. ...Too quiet.

"Kasumi?" Ranma peeked into the kitchen. As always, the young homemaker was there.

"Yes?"

"Have you seen Akane?"

"Oh, yes - she left this afternoon. She seemed very excited about something."

"...Excited?" Something caught in Ranma's throat. He had to swallow. He blinked stupidly at Kasumi's polite smile. "Where'd she go?"

Kasumi's eyes rolled up in thought. "Hmm. Oh, yes," she said at last. "She also asked me to ask you to leave her alone, let her handle it, and stay the heck out of her business."

"Oh." Suddenly, Ranma's heart was beating painfully fast. Hard, too. Almost like it was smacking against his rib cage. Stay the heck out of her business? So that's how she wanted it. She actually went! Akane Tendo agreed to go on a date. With Ryoga, of all people! And she was excited about it, too. What's to get excited about?

Ranma backed out of the kitchen and wandered upstairs. His mind raced with thoughts, most of them rather nasty.

"...Leave her alone, she says," he muttered. "Don't interfere, huh? Huh. Yeah!" he scoffed. He wasn't about to let that little pig get away with this. What was he planning? Get her alone, fill her head with this and that, then what? He wasn't going to wait around and find out. That little wimp couldn't just go behind his back like this. "...Must feel so damn smug right now..."

Sure, it wasn't like Akane was his girl or anything. Not really, even if that's the way everyone looked at it. But it was the principle of the thing: assuming that anyone besides Ranma was going to have her, it sure as hell wasn't going to be that perverted weirdo, so long as Ranma had any say in the matter. And despite what Akane may want to believe, Ranma Saotome always had a say in matters.

Ranma paused to take a quick look around, then veered off toward Nabiki's room. One of his brilliant schemes was quickly forming, and he was going to need a disguise. A female disguise. And Nabiki likely had a few pretty little numbers that she wouldn't miss for the day.

Nabiki's door was shut. Ranma hurried to it and knocked urgently. There was the sound of movement and shuffling, and then the door opened.

"Ranma, darling," Nabiki said when she saw him. Her easy greeting suddenly turned sharp. "What do you want?"

"I need your help," he said. He would have let himself in after that, had Nabiki not moved to completely block his path. He put on a pleading face and begged. "Come on - I just need to borrow some of your clothes. Just for a while. Please?"

Nabiki scoffed. "Some of my clothes? Whatever for?"

Ranma peeked over his shoulder to make sure no one else was within earshot. He leaned in close. "Let me in, and I'll explain everything," he said, being sure to whisper the words and make the matter sound mysterious and important, as to pique the devious Tendo girl's interest. Nabiki peered at him searchingly, contemplating this for a time; eventually, curiosity did indeed get the better of her.

:::[soon after]:::

Hardly a half hour later, Ranma was digging through her closet while Nabiki lounged on the bed, watching him with a bemused look.

"So let me just check and make sure I have all this straight," she said. "Your big plan to get back at this guy is to dress up like a woman and physically accost him? Is that right? You really are pure genius. What other horrors do you have in store, pray-tell?"

"I just want him to see what it's like," Ranma growled. "I'm sick and tired of him making me out to be some kind of horrible person just because random chicks are always throwing themselves at me. If he knew what I really went through, then maybe he wouldn't be so quick to talk. You know?"

"Well, I honestly can't believe you're going to do this," said Nabiki. "But I'll award you full use of my wardrobe based on creativity. Let me know how that turns out."

"Thanks. I appreciate it. Hey, do you have any wigs?" Wigs were good. He was going to need to look as different as possible, definitely.

"Wigs? Um," Nabiki rolled off the bed and went over to a large, chest-like box. She opened it up, revealing a collection of gaudy costume wear. "Maybe from Halloween or something. What kind do you want?"

"I dunno. Just something simple that looks real," said Ranma. Right now, he was focused on finding a dress. Now - what kind of girl might someone like Ryoga be into? First thing to come to mind was some kind of goodie-two-shoes, curly haired school girl. Someone like Akane, but not so pissed about everything all the time. Someone like Kasumi, but not so distant and frankly just plain weird to talk to. Hopeless romantic was a must, but then most every chick had that trait about them.

Nabiki had at least three school uniforms hanging clean and ready in her closet. But then again, school girl wasn't really his style. Dead sexy was more his style. Hey, he could say it - he was a smokin' hot babe when 'he' changed into a 'she'. And well, guys know what guys like. He may as well stick with what he knew best.

He pushed the uniforms aside and sifted through what other goodies Nabiki had, ultimately pulling out the first thing to catch his eye: a form-fitting blue cocktail dress, sleeveless, with a pretty black lace pattern over the shoulders. It was a little skanky, but he figured he could pull it off.

"This'll be perfect," he commented to himself. "You find a wig yet?"

"Here." He turned, and Nabiki handed him a few different tufts of hair. There was a red one that looked nothing but fake and a black one that was too rough and coarse, but a pretty short blond-do in the bunch caught his eye. He let the others drop to the floor and better examined his choice. It was stylish and flashy, but he figured he ought to be able to pull that off, too.

"Alright, Ranma, darling; let's get you all prettied up," said Nabiki. "Hmmm, this might not do it, though. I think you're going to need some glasses or something, so you're less recognizable."

"You're probably right," Ranma agreed. "I'll go look for some." He stuffed the dress and wig into his shirt and left the room. He entered his own, where he and his father slept. To his pleasant surprise, the old man had left a pair of his round-eyed seeing glasses conveniently unattended at his bedside. Ranma snatched them up and hurried downstairs to the bathroom.

He turned on the sink and splashed a bit of cold water over himself before changing.

"Hmmm," Ranma stood and analyzed herself in the mirror when her accoutrements were complete. For the first time since getting home, she was having the stirrings of second thoughts. This might not work. Maybe a little make-up would serve to make her even less recognizable.

She felt absolutely silly, opening up the cabinet and fumbling for the mascara, but a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do. Call her a dog, would he? Just like everyone else, Ryoga just thought he was so great and that Ranma was just such a jerk. Well it wasn't her fault, the things that everyone liked to blame her for, and she was going to prove it. She was going to give Ryoga a taste of what she'd been putting up with for the last year of her life, a taste of what good, kind-hearted Ryoga was so laughably without: firsthand knowledge of the true psychotic nature of women. Oh, he'd be sorry. He'd be so sorry.

:::[uk-chan's okinomiyaki]:::

"Well!"

Akane entered Uk-Chan's Okinomiyaki with an air of confidence beneath that sweaty headband and loose martial arts wear, the likes of which she'd never had before. She was ready for this.Definitely. Maybe. Kind of?

Man, that 'pumped' feeling was fading fast.

"Akane!" Ukyo caught her eye with a warm and pleasant smile. What the hell was she trying to do, psyche her out? "You made it!"

"Of course I made it!" Akane spat in offense. "Why wouldn't I?"

Ukyo came close to look the younger girl over. A little too close for comfort, in Akane's book. She backed away from her; what was she looking at? "What...?"

"Geez," Ukyo grimaced. "I thought you'd at least shower before your date. Do you really just wear that around? Oh, but, whatever. It doesn't matter."

"Date?" Akane repeated the word, thoroughly confused. "What date? What are you talking about?" Before she had time to register what was happening, Ryoga burst into the restaurant looking at least twice as haggard as Akane in her exercise-wear.

"I made it!" he exclaimed. He was panting hard and out of breath. "Good thing I... gave myself plenty... of time," he said as he stumbled inside, looking barely able to stand.

"Ry-Ryoga?" Akane stammered in concern. Her eyes flickered over to Ukyo. "What the heck is this all about?"

Ukyo blinked at her. "You mean you didn't get my message?" she asked innocently. "Ryoga's message, I mean. I delivered it this morning."

"Oh, I got your message!" Akane said. "...but I... I thought - ... so it wasn't a challenge letter...?" That was kind of a relief. But... a date? With Ryoga? This had to be some kind of joke.

"Well, c'mon," Ukyo said, flashing an encouraging smile at the both of them. "Sit, and all will be revealed."

Oh, things are becoming clearer already, Akane thought.

"I, I bought these for you," Ryoga approached Akane with his head turned shyly away, one hand reaching out to offer her what appeared to be a bouquet of dead weeds. "On the way out."

"Th-thanks," Akane said. "I think." Shet set them down on a nearby table. Ryoga seemed more stiff than usual. Nervous, on edge. God, he probably didn't even want to be here. It was obvious what was going on now: Ukyo was trying to hook her up with Ryoga so that she could have Ranma all to herself. Wasn't that just rich; what a dirty thing to do! And getting good-hearted Ryoga mixed up in her wicked schemes, too? This woman was a real witch.

Ukyo sat them down at the bar and began preparing their food. It must've been their food, because there was no one else in the whole place. The sign on the window was flipped to closed. She was really going all out for this.

The match-making chef kept peeking over her shoulder at the pair. Neither was saying anything; Akane was staring at her and Ryoga was keeping his eyes down. This might be harder than she thought.

Ukyo cleared her throat. "Ryoga just wanted a little quality time with you, Akane," she explained with that saleswoman's smile while she cooked a dish of her famous Okinomiyaki. Alright, so it did smell pretty good. But nevermind that. Akane glanced over to Ryoga; he'd hardly looked at her since this whole charade began.

"Ryoga?" she whispered quietly. The cup he was holding shattered to pieces. Poor thing - he really was a mess. What on earth had Ukyo done to make him agree to this? This wasn't right at all.

"So," Ukyo was quick to go on. "Since you two lovebirds are just so cute together, this one's on the house. Stick around for a while, alright?"

"Thanks, but," Akane pushed her plate away and gave Ukyo a bored, flat look, telling her it was time to drop the act. "If Ryoga doesn't want to do this, there's no reason for you to force him to."

To her surprise, Ryoga interrupted. "She's not forcing me!" he said.

"That's right," said Ukyo.

"She isn't?"

"No! Akane..." Ryoga was finally looking her in the eye, though words still seemed to fail him. "I... I did want to be alone with you."

"...Really?" Akane wasn't sure she bought it. And after all, Ukyo could've dug up any amount of dirt on Ryoga to get him to say whatever she pleased. Hell, he could be under the influence of some sort of mind-control tea or something this very moment. It wasn't unheard of.

But he seemed so sincere.

"Yes," Ryoga nodded. Then his hand came up to scratch at his scalp in embarrassment. What he'd said sounded a little odd, didn't it? Akane was certainly staring at him as if he'd said something terribly odd. "I mean - I guess what I mean is, I wanna get to know you better."

"Oh."

Akane smiled at last. Ukyo smiled, too, and took that as her cue to leave.

"Well, I've got some errands to run, you guys," she announced. "Catch you two lovers later!"

Akane made a face. Laying it on a little thick, wasn't she?

The moment Ryoga saw Ukyo heading for the door, he jumped out of his seat after her. Akane's irritated frown returned in full.

"Wait!" he pleaded, grabbed her, and the pair started to whisper. Akane's frown sharpened. What was that about? What the heck could they be whispering about? That was suspicious. And Akane Tendo knew suspicious when she saw it.

"Where are you going?" Ryoga gripped the chef's arm and asked in a hushed voice.

"You idiot," Ukyo hissed, trying to shake him off. He wouldn't let go. "I thought you wanted to be alone with her!"

"I do, yes, but -" Ryoga was shaking all over her. He was too nervous. He'd never been totally alone with Akane, not as himself. His feet were ice cold. "I need you here," he squeezed Ukyo's arm and begged pitifully.

"Ugh, get off!"

"Um, what's going on?" Akane finally asked, her annoyance clear in the tone of her question.

Ryoga looked back and Ukyo gave him a good shove over to her while his guard was down. That kid had a lot of muscle, somewhere.

"Nothing, nothing. Like I said, enjoy yourselves! I really must be going."

Ryoga and Akane looked at each other. Each fidgeted as they became locked in an awkward silence.

"H-heh," Ryoga laughed with a weak shrug. Akane smiled, not knowing what to say. "...What... now?"

"Is she making you do this?" Akane's eyes narrowed at him. "You don't have to take orders from her, you know. We could take her, you and me, if we had to."

"N-no! She's innocent. Really, I..." Ryoga sighed. She looked mad. He was blowing this, wasn't he? May as well apologize sooner rather than later. "I'm the one to blame for this. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to waste your time."

"Waste my time?" Akane let out a small laugh. "Don't be silly. I like hanging out with you." A faint blush had reached her cheeks. She'd never really considered Ryoga as a suitor before, but it was always nice to be liked. It made her stomach flutter in a way she wasn't use to feeling. "If you wanted to spend some time with me, then you should've just -"

Akane wasn't afforded the time to finish that last thought. At that moment, a rather rude stranger with surprising swiftness dipped into the restaurant, and the lovebird's conversation was cut short by a shout:

"Hey!" rang Ukyo's voice, who, incidently, had been spying outside her own property. "Hey, you! We're closed! Can't you read?"

The stranger paid her no mind; she acknowledged nothing at all, in fact, until crying out "Ryoga, darling!" and throwing her arms around the lost boy's neck.

"E-excuse me!" Akane started; Ryoga seemed, for a long moment, too stunned to speak.

"Ahh-hh! What? Miss, please," he choked, squirming in the girl's hold. Wow, who was this? Not many girls in Nerima had a choke-hold like that. "Please, whoever you are, let go!"

"Oh, Ryoga, baby! You're such a kidder," Ranma released him long enough to shove him down on a stool and plop onto 'the lost boy's' lap, whose utterly exhasperated expression was living entirely up to his name. "You're acting like you don't even know me."

"Because I don't!" Ryoga insisted. He struggled to push the girl away, but Ranma wouldn't budge. She sprawled out on his lap, latched her arms around his shoulders and gave the gape of his neck and loving caress. Ryoga squirmed even more frantically, but he couldn't get free.

Now Akane was too stunned for words. Ukyo entered the diner and came over to join her in her dismay.

"I have no idea who this is!" Ryoga assured them both, but Ranma's smothering begged to differ.

"Ryoga, who IS this!" Ukyo spat despite herself.

"I don't know!" Ryoga shouted.

"Well she can't just come in here and do that!"

"It's me, Ryoga," Ranma began. She sat up and brushed strands of fake blond hair from her face. Ryoga got his first good look at the female currently accosting him; she was actually fairly attractive, what with those cute little glasses hanging off the tip of her nose. She looked a little familiar, maybe; possibly. But Ryoga was certain they weren't familiar enough to warrant anything like this.

"You know..." Ranma finished, "Your long lost fiance!"

"Fiance...?" Ukyo muttered. "You didn't tell me you had a fiance!"

"I DON'T have a fiance!" Ryoga snarled. He was growing understandably more irritated. "I've never seen this girl before in my life! I swear!" He pushed Ranma away - gently, to Ranma's surprise. She knew he was harboring way more strength than he was using. Ha! What a gentleman.

As she slid off Ryoga's lap, Akane noticed something beneath the girl's shiny golden locks that didn't belong: a ratty red pigtail. Her eyes narrowed dangerously and her stomach boiled. What - the - HELL was he doing?

"I'm not surprised you don't remember me, Ryoga," Ranma stood and explained. "After all, we were but babes when our troublesome but well-meaning parents arranged for us to be bequeathed!"

Ryoga looked on, speechless. Why was this happening? This wasn't the kind of thing that just happened, not to him. Of all the times for some random, beautiful girl to come out of nowhere and profess his love for him, why here, and why now? Had he been burning down churches in his sleep lately?

"Ohh, is that right?" Akane glared straight into the strange girl's eyes and spoke in a voice that almost made Ranma wince. Sounded like she was on to this game. "And what's your name, huh? Your real name, Miss 'long-lost-fiance'? Huh?" Her nose scrunched up. Oh yeah, she was definitely on to this game.

Ranma's eyes took a quick second to glance over her. Wow - she really had come out on a date in her athletic wear. Ranma couldn't help but laugh.

"Who is this hideous tomboy, Ryoga, and why haven't you told her about me?" Ranma drew in an over-exaggerated gasp. "Ryoga! Are you... cheating on me with this... this smelly, completely un-cute girl!" She smacked a palm over her mouth and acted out a crying whimper.

"Wh-wh-wh-..." Ryoga's jung hung open. He looked mortified. This was going even better than Ranma had envisioned. "I'm sorry, I really think you have me confused with someone else," he said.

Ranma shook her head. "Not a chance, babe. I know my man when I see him." She lunged forward and trapped Ryoga in another amorous hug, his nose becoming so fully lodged in the cleavage beneath her dressy laced top that he couldn't speak. Then, one boney elbow came down with incredible force on Ranma's skull. She went limp for a good five seconds.

"Ukyo, run me some hot water," Akane demanded while Ranma was good and dazed.

"What?"

"Just do it. And you," Akane got up and yanked Ranma away from Ryoga. When she came-to, Ranma would be greeted by a very displeased, brown-eyed scowl. "You had better get out of here now, if you know what's good for you."

Ranma returned her glare with a dumb grin. "But... but Ryoga," she said, eyes turning over to him with a pleading look. Then she paused. Shit! She needed a name. Her eyes fell to her dress. "It's me, L... Lacy!" It came right off the top of her head. "Don't you know I love you! Don't let these mean girls hurt me, Ryoga... please!"

Ukyo retrieved a bucket from the back room and began filling it with water from the sink. Ranma kept a casual eye on these happenings while Akane attempted to keep her in check. Lucky for Ranma, there wasn't much for Akane to keep a hold of. This dress was practically skin-tight.

"...Nobody needs to get hurt," Ryoga mumbled.

Ukyo slipped her hand under the stream of water. She dumped the bucket out and set it aside, hand moving to her hip as she waited for several seconds.. Not hot just yet, huh? Perfect. In a flash, Ranma broke out of Akane's grip and sprinted over. She grabbed the bucket from the sink and flung it straight at Ryoga.

That oughtta get things movin'.

Ryoga was out of the way so fast, Akane wasn't sure she even saw him move.

"Hey!" Ukyo shouted. "What the hell is your problem? You jackass!"

"What'd you do that for!" Ryoga spoke in surprise. Ranma smirked at him, a dangerous look in her eye. She grabbed a big sturdy mixing bowl off the shelf and filled it with water.

"Whatever do you mean?" she responded innocently.

"Stop it!" Ukyo tried to yank the bowl out of her hands. "You're gonna break something, idiot! You break it, you buy it; you got that, lady?"

Akane fumed. This was beyond ridiculous. Why couldn't Ranma just leave her alone for once? This was pointless, and they didn't need to be wrecking Ukyo's restaurant over this.

"Let's get out of here," she suggested to Ryoga while Ranma was caught fighting with Ukyo. She didn't want for an answer before she grabbed ahold of him and dragged him out. He didn't need to put up with this, either, even if that girl really had been his long lost fiance.

"I really, really don't know who that was," Ryoga rambled on when they reached the streetside. "I couldn't have any fiances! I mean, I don't think so..."

"Forget about it," Akane said. "She's probably, just, you know, a little off. I bet she doesn't even know you either."

Sure, Akane could've outed Ranma right then and there, but God, it was embarrassing. So very embarrassing. Her face was still red hot. She hoped he'd just bug off and they could all forget this ever even happened. She was never so lucky, but that's what she hoped. What could he even mean to accomplish? If he was trying to make an impossibly large ass of himself, he succeeded.

"Yeah, she couldn't," Ryoga agreed with a faint smile. "Um, so, what do you want to do now? - I guess you could go home if you want."

Akane smiled at him, her blush returning. He'd thrown in that last bit so quickly, but it really did seem like Ryoga genuinely wanted to spend time with her. Well, he was sure a step-up from Ranma in the 'good company' department.

Her eyes fell to her clothes; she was suddenly feeling very self-concious. Ryoga had expected a date, and she showed up in this? Sheesh. She felt like a real jerk. She pulled her headband off and looked back up.

"I think I maybe will head home, for now," she said. Ryoga seemed to sink an inch. "But I'll see you later, okay?" she assured him. "Don't disappear on me."

She smiled, and Ryoga smiled back, but it took a great amount of effort on his part. "I understand. ...See you," he muttered, and all too quickly she had turned her back on him and started off toward the Tendo house
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The Lost Boy's Lost Love