Memories Consume

Memories Consume:

Chapter two

Ryuuichi's POV:

I awoke to bright lights, in a room with white walls and machines that beeped
monotonously until something went wrong, and then they'd beep annoyingly shrill.

I was on a hospital bed and heard voices at the door, but I couldn't make them
out right then. I didn't want to think of anything except where Kumagoro was—I
wanted Kumagoro. But I was too tired to get up; plus I quickly noted that my
arms were tied to the bed—a precaution to prevent me from hurting myself.

You're back here again. The voice hissed, How many times has it been now?

'Shut up.' I mumbled, unsure if I said it aloud or in my head; not that it
mattered, the voice never listened.

Ah, don't be like that. It'd be nice to be cared for closely again, ne? You miss
that, ne? The voice purred, captivating my attention so I barely saw someone
move closer to the bed. The voice completely drowned out when I felt someone
place their hand on my forehead.

"Ryuuichi, are you awake?"

I focused on the audible voice rather than the one in my head, recognizing it as
Tohma's.

"Tohma…."

"What happened, Ryuu? Why again? Why did you hurt yourself?" Tohma's voice
sounded like it was breaking, and I saw tears in his eyes. Inside I flinched
seeing the hurt, the unanswered questions in his eyes—I caused it, I hurt him.

"I don't…." One look in his eyes and I knew he wouldn't take me answering 'I
don't know' again, it'd been too many times over the years for that lie to
suffice. "I…don't even remember doing it." I admitted feeling the tears well in
my eyes, and I saw his eyes widen. "I blacked out and the only thing I remember
was being in the bathroom with blood on my arms, I don't remember even walking
to the bathroom." Tears fell from my eyes as I confessed, my heart hurting, but
strangely it felt better to tell someone else.

"Ryuu…have you….those other times, did you…black out during them as well?"

I merely nodded eyes blurry from tears.

"Ryuu, you should have said so before. God."

"I'm sorry, Tohma. I…." My words caught in my throat, then the voice returned.

'Going to tell him, are you? Tell him everything then, tell him what really
happened before he met you. Tell him.'

'No, leave me alone. I don't want to listen to you anymore.'

'Why not? I got you through life all right didn't I? I helped you escape that
life when it became too much. You should thank me.'

'No, go away.'

'Tell him. Tell him everything, about the house, the room, the streets—heh, do
you still remember the taste of-'

'SHUT UP!'

"Ryuuichi!" I snapped back to reality upon hearing Tohma shout my name, shaking
me, his face contorted in fear for me.

"Tohma…."

"Ryuu, what happened? You started thrashing about, and wouldn't answer me, and
kept mumbling the word 'no'." Tohma's eyes were wide as he spoke, his hands
shaking—something I noticed because he held onto my hand. "What was that about?
What's…."

"Tohma, I want Kumagoro, where is he?" I whimpered, wanting the only thing that
ever kept the voice away, too exhausted to answer his questions.

"You don't remember anything that happened, do you?" Tohma closed his eyes
briefly as I stared at him, only caring about getting Kumagoro.

"Tohma, I…."

"You wrecked your apartment, Ryuuichi, when you blacked out. You destroyed all
your possessions including…."

"NO!" I shook my head furiously, my body beginning to shake again. "I want
Kumagoro, give me Kumagoro!"

"Ryuu, settle down Ryuu." Tohma held me down while I shouted, his hands on my
shoulders. "Ryuu, if you keep shouting, the doctor will kick me out."

"But I need Kumagoro, Tohma." Tears fell from my eyes again as I lowered my
voice, anxious not to be left alone. "I need him, Tohma."

"Why? Why do you need Kumagoro for comfort when I'm here? I'll stay here as long
as you need me to. I won't leave you, Ryuu." Tohma brought his left hand to my
right cheek, wiping away the tears. "Can't I comfort you instead?"

"But, you…."

'Tell him he can't. Tell him since he's human he can't. People always are
selfish even when they're kind.' The voice surprised me by its suddenness,
stopping my words before I could even think them. 'Kumagoro never let him down,
tell him that. Tell him Kumagoro's the only one you trust. The only one who's
body you can't be afraid of.'

'Stop, please.' I meekly resisted the voice, too tired to fight any longer. This
time I was able to remain focused on Tohma, the feel of his hand on my cheek
kept me from drowning in the voice.

"Ryuu, relax. You're beginning to thrash again, focus on me, Ryuu." Tohma urged,
still caressing my cheek when he saw it helped me focus. "Don't zone out on me
again."

"Tohma, I really need Kumagoro, I can't keep the voice away without him." My
lips trembled as I said that, finally confessing the other reason for these
episodes.

"Voice? Ryuu, what voice?"

"In my mind." I mumbled just loud enough for him to hear. "I hear it before each
time I black out." I struggled to focus on the comfort his touch brought before
continuing. "I know it's not real, but…I…I can't help listen to it. Then I black
out. Only when I have Kumagoro can I ignore it."

Tohma's hand stopped caressing my cheek as he took in a deep breath, steadying
himself from hearing my words.

"Tohma, you're not upset, are you? I don't mean to…I'm sorry."

"It's all right, Ryuu. Don't worry." He rubbed my cheek again, and suddenly I
felt very drowsy and fell slowly to the quietness of sleep.

Third Person Narrative POV:

Tohma watched as the singer fell asleep from the sedative the doctor had just
given him without Ryuu being aware. His heart felt like breaking seeing his
friend on the hospital bed, bandages on his wrists, and after hearing the
confessions, he felt lost. What could he do to help Ryuuichi? He couldn't make
the voice go away, nor stop the singer from blacking out.

All he could do was make Ryuu stay in the hospital, to get the treatment the
singer seemed to need. But…his friend never liked staying in the hospital for
more than a few days, they scared him—and he always left on his own as soon as
he was able.

"Ryuu, I want to help you, but I don't know how. You should have told me about
these blackouts and voice before; I would have made sure you received the
treatment you needed."

Tears welling in his eyes, the NG president sighed and sat on the seat next to
Ryuuichi's bed, lost in thoughts of how to help his friend.