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Mending Ties in Paris	By : finnian4ever Category: > Black Butler (Kuroshitsuji ???) Views: 2593 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji or the characters; all belong to Yana Toboso, I make no money off of what I write, it is just for enjoyment

Chapter List
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Ciel could not help but enjoy the smell of the luxury food that his butler placed before him when they returned to the hotel. It was a very fancy place, only the best for Ciel Phantomhive, demon or no, but he still insisted on Sebastian cooking for him. He never asked how Sebastian managed to gain entrance to the highly-ranked kitchens to prepare his meals, as he suspected the answer would come with a sarcastic remark tacked on to the end somehow. Instead he simply inspected the sumptuous-looking cut of meat and sautéed vegetables with his fork, opting to take a bite out of the fresh roll first. It was warm and buttery and tasted so good.
Sebastian stood to one side, but the eyes that watched his young master to detect any possible needs were hollow, and far away. Ciel was trying to learn how to ignore the feeling of their cold gaze following his every move. He had always been aware of it before, but it had never bothered him like it did now. He sliced into his meat slowly and as he lifted it to his mouth he caught a scent that he found…irresistible…different that the smell of the meat itself. As he bit into it, and the juice flooded his mouth, his eyes closed in delight. It was incredible, but there was something…more…what was it? What was this unmarked flavor that seemed to make his entire body rejoice with its robustness? The sullen feeling of emptiness within him seemed to be pushed back a pace. That feeling he had labeled as hunger with no other word for it within himself was quelled to an extent. Even as he realized the gruesome truth of what was happening to him and why, he found himself seized by a powerful urge and he dug his fork and knife back into the meat for another bite. Then another, and another, and soon he discarded both utensils entirely and picked up the remaining meat with his hands, tearing into it with his teeth until he had swallowed every last bite. He found himself panting where he was sitting in the fine hotel chair, eyes wide, feeling refreshed and renewed…and horrified.
"How…how could you..?" Ciel asked in a soft, out-of-breath voice, not even looking at Sebastian as he asked the question.
"You were beginning to starve, young master," Sebastian replied evenly, "part of my duty is to be sure that your health does not decline. You needed proper sustenance."
"My health…" Ciel huffed out in a joyless little laugh, "how much of a fool do you take me for?"
He rose on newly strengthened but still-shaking legs to face his butler.
"I'm a demon now. My health is inconsequential, and you know it!"
"That is not entirely true, young ma-"
"Don't play games with me!" Ciel cried, balling his hands into fists and lifting them slightly as if contemplating throwing a punch. "Who was it, Sebastian?" He demanded softly, "whose soul did you just force-feed me?"
For the first time since his face had become an iron mask, Sebastian gave a slight, cruel smile,
"I hardly force-fed you, master. You dug in quite of your own free will."
"Bastard…" Ciel almost whispered, as he began to shake where he stood. "how could you..?"
"Don't pretend that you have suddenly begun to value human life, my lord." Sebastian drawled, "this shocked, compassionate air hardly suits you."
"How dare you speak to me that way." Ciel wanted to yell the words like he normally would when he became angry at his butler, but instead his voice was low and tense like a current about to erupt. "Regardless of how I act you are to obey my every order, and I did not order you to kill someone and rob their soul! How did you even put it into my food?"
As Sebastian opened his mouth to answer Ciel cut him off,
"No! Never mind, I don't want to know!" He turned back to the small tray on which the half-empty plate with the untouched vegetables and the roll remained. He picked up his glass of water and tossed it down, as if hoping it could wash away or dilute what he had just consumed.
"Admit it, master, you feel better now." Sebastian said, his voice chilling Ciel to the bone as it sounded almost happy for the first time in a long time. As if this, torturing his master with something he suspected he hated was the closest to bliss he would ever feel again.
"I don't care how I feel…" Ciel muttered, "I just…ate someone's soul…"
He shook his head, uncomprehending for several moments. Then through the pregnant pause Sebastian said softly,
"You should eat your vegetables before they get cold."
Ciel bit his lip.
"I'm the farthest thing from hungry right now." He suddenly tore off his jacket and walked past Sebastian toward the bedroom. "Prepare my bath. I'm retiring early."
Ciel barely felt the heat of the warm water, or the fluffy towels that he was dried with after his bath, or even the fire in the grand hearth when Sebastian tucked him in between the satin sheets. Despite these fine, external comforts, everything to him was cold. Not one more word was exchanged between the pair, and when Ciel rolled over in bed, facing away from his butler, the other demon left the room, closing the door softly behind him. The boy lay there for a long while, listening to the fire crackling and watching the city lights in the small space between the curtains of the tall windows.
The longer he lay there the tighter his chest seemed to become. Was it possible for him to still have human emotions now that he was demon? He supposed that it must have been, considering how worked up he seemed able to get lately. But that meal…he had consumed a human's soul for the first time…and it had been a trick. For some reason that was significantly more hurtful to him than anything that Sebastian had done, or not done, since this nightmare began. Ciel had known that he would have to take a soul, but he had hoped that when that time came Sebastian would be there to guide him through it. As repulsive as the idea was, eating his first soul was something that Ciel considered to be a significant or even special event in his new life, and he had hoped that Sebastian would have at least shown him what to do. The idea that he had almost…stolen that from him…
It was crazy, absolutely crazy, but the more Ciel thought about it the more it was like Sebastian had cheated him. From what Sebastian used to go on about, consuming a human soul was one of the greatest experiences a demon could have, so for Ciel to taste it second-hand without taking it from the human itself…it was as if Sebastian was laughing at him.
Ciel couldn't think straight where he lay in the plush bed. There was too much, too many angles to consider, too many emotions piling on top of each other in his heart…did he even have a heart? Questions like that kept bombarding him, and the only person who could give him some kind of answer was no longer willing to help him expect when ordered. Everything now was only when he was ordered, except for that cruel stunt he pulled at dinner. He didn't even go to the effort of correctly predicting Ciel's needs like he used to, leaving out little snacks for him just because or laying out his clothes for the following day. No, Ciel felt that in virtually every way he was on his own, having to demand for Sebastian to do anything rather than just knowing that he would. He supposed it didn't matter if Sebastian didn't follow their contract to a tee like he had in the past; why should he? What was the worst that could happen if he didn't, Ciel would give him an extra-harsh scolding? Why didn't he just leave if he was so fed up with it all?
With that thought it dawned on Ciel what he had to do. The young demon tossed off the bedclothes, getting out of bed and stripping off his nightshirt. He hastily pulled on some clothes that were neatly folded in his drawers. He knew enough to put the shirt and pants on himself, as well as his jacket, but the shoes were another issue. He decided he did not care, and stayed barefoot. Then he crept to the window and quietly eased it open to walk out on the balcony. He climbed up onto the railing and perched there, waiting. He was going to leave, he had to. Sebastian would consider it a great gift to be rid of him, he was sure, and there was no real reason for him to stay if his butler did nothing but make his life miserable. He could find his own way in the world, and maybe he could find another demon mentor elsewhere to help him through what he was going through. God knew Sebastian was not volunteering himself.
Yet still Ciel waited there, perched on the edge, still clinging to the small hope that maybe Sebastian would come and stop him. He knew that the butler had some way of knowing what he was about to do, he had interfered with his plans enough times in the past because his priority had been keeping Ciel safe above following direct orders. So maybe now…but as seconds stretched into minutes, no trim shape appeared to try and persuade Ciel to stay, no smooth voice tried to coax him back from the ledge. The longer he waited, the more angry and hurt the boy became. Finally he fixed his eyes out onto the city lights and surged forward into the air, leaving a few tears flying after him.
Sebastian didn't care anymore, it was a plain as that. Perhaps he never had, what with the contract being his only motivation. Even if he hadn't cared a lick he had at least pretended like he had, and that had been a comfort. But if Ciel were honest with himself he had always hoped that was not the case, and that Sebastian had come to at least respect him or care for him out of loyalty, if not love…love…could demons feel love? There was another of those bombarding questions…but one to which Ciel had a partial answer that could've been true; he knew he felt love, but he did not know if that was just because he had been a human.
As a demon one of the only things that Ciel enjoyed thus far that he didn't need to be taught was how to use his superhuman speed. There was nothing to teach, really, his senses were so heightened that it was almost like slow motion for him even though he was aware of how fast he was going. It had been a thrill for him the first time he had sped across an entire city in a flash, making him smile for the first time in a very, very long time. Tonight, however, it brought him little happiness as he blindly leapt from building to building, soaring through the air faster than any human below him could have seen. He felt the liquid heat running down his face from his eyes but he refused to give in, and kept racing toward he knew not what. After several moments his vision was blurred by the tears and he had to stop. He found himself alighting on the top tower of none other than Notre Dame. He leapt down to the walkway on the roof right above the infamous stained glass window. There he let himself slide down the wall to the stone floor, pulling in his knees. He was breathing hard, but not from the effort it took to get here. It was as if his throat was closing in on him, and it hurt to breathe. While breathing was not entirely necessary for him anymore, it was a very unpleasant sensation and he felt trapped.
He knew what was really happening; his sorrows were finally overwhelming him, threatening to tear him away from everything that he believed about being strong and stone-faced in the midst of anything and everything. With one long, shuddering breath, Ciel Phantomhive began to sob. Choked, broken sounds escaped him over and over as he buried his face in his knees, unable to stop them. He could not remember the last time he had cried, but because it had been so long ago, he now had many pains that he needed to grieve. He let the hurt bubble to the surface after all this time, and escape through his eyes and wracked sobs. His body shook hard and his face hurt from wincing as he wept.
His home, so nostalgic and safe, burnt away to nothing more than scorched stone and ashes. His parents, the ones who loved him unconditionally and gave him every comfort in life, along with love. They had been torn from him, brutally murdered and their slaughtered bodies displayed for their young son to see. Those men, foul-breathed and greedy who locked him in cages and neglected him. His ten-year-old body growing thin and his hollow stomach aching for food for weeks before he was sold to those masked people…the ones who branded his pale skin and laid him out on the altar. Lizzie, so sweet and innocent if annoying, whose green eyes might have gazed into his for the rest of his life, guiding him toward happiness with an abundance of love and children. Aunt Red, her blood spilling from her in a high arch while the Reaper's scythe tore through her body. His life…his very life as a human…now gone forever, never able to receive him again.
And Sebastian. His Sebastian…Ciel paused to sniff loudly and wipe his eyes. Sebastian had left him forever as well, the moment he looked down into Ciel's blood-red eyes and realized that his long-awaited meal had been destroyed. Ciel could see his face still, the unbelieving determination in that narrowed brow, refusing to believe it was true until his strong hand had run Ciel through. The boy choked as he remembered the utter shock that he experienced at that moment, when he realized that Sebastian was indeed trying to kill him. The butler had tried to gloss his decision over by saying that he was trying to see if Ciel was indeed a demon by trying to kill him and eat his soul, but Ciel knew that was only partially true; Sebastian wanted to kill him either way. But he failed, and he was now stuck with Ciel for all eternity. And Ciel was stuck with him as well, a butler who wanted nothing more than to be rid of him.
Ciel's breath hitched as he wept for the silly illusion he had once held, that Sebastian had come to enjoy Ciel's company at least a little, and that he would eventually make peace with their current situation. He had even entertained a small and fleeting idea that perhaps…Sebastian would take him under his wing so to speak and teach him what he needed to know about even being a demon. Instead he had left Ciel to flounder, only answering direct questions when Ciel asked them, and volunteering no more information than was needed. Ciel felt entirely alone, and that was what hurt the most.
)))
Sebastian sensed his master upon that ledge, and waited to see what his next move would be. He could not be sure if the boy was testing him, or simply enjoying the night air. He had always been fiery, with a will of his own. When he left, however, Sebastian felt a mild surge of panic and rushed to follow at a safe distance. Where on earth was the boy going? He had never ventured out alone before, and how could he know what to do if he did? Sebastian knew his detached attitude of late was wearing on Ciel, even if that had not been his intention. He could understand why Ciel might want to leave, but he was more concerned with whether or not he ever intended on returning.
Sebastian's chest constricted with the thought of Ciel trying to escape him. What if he did? What if he managed to get away somewhere Sebastian could not find him? Sebastian would go back to his old tired life of hunting for prey and consuming said prey, with very few giving him much entertainment or distraction. That was not what he wanted. As much as he had been unhappy with being branded an eternal slave, Sebastian realized that he did not want to go back to such a life again. Ciel's soul was a bitter loss for him, and every time he looked at that smug little face it was like it was taunting him. The vessel was there, but it was empty, leaving only the lovely blue eyes and pouty lips that Sebastian wanted to hate, but found so beautiful he could not entirely.
He was a selfish being, and as a selfish being Sebastian had wanted the satisfaction of feasting on the boy's soul. With that option gone, his only other option was to sulk. He knew it was childish even for a demon to act how he was acting, so aloof and wounded as if it was Ciel's fault that all this had happened. But he had been unable to turn a corner, to find it within himself to see this as an opportunity; Ciel had provided him more entertainment, more passion, more pleasure than he had remembered having for many centuries, and now he didn't have to kill him. He knew he could view it as a gift, but he had been unwilling to do so.
Sebastian slowed to a halt when Ciel reached Notre Dame. He watched him climb down above the stained glass window and then he disappeared from view. The older demon leapt across to the opposite tower to look down on where his master sat. The scent of salt reached his keen nostrils, and as he saw the slender body curl in tight to itself and begin to shake, he realized the truth. Ciel was crying.
There were very few things in the world that could even come close to shocking him, but this counted as something that could. Sebastian had known that Ciel could not erase the pain he felt, even if he did push through it with the disguise of indifference. The fact that he was strong enough to ignore the hurt was part of what had drawn Sebastian to him. But now, to see the pain overcome him in such a way…Sebastian felt a softening in his heart for the boy he had blinded himself from seeing. The boy who was afraid, clueless to know what to do with the new life he was given or how to leave behind the old. The boy who refused to ask him about how to feed, and continued to starve. The boy who was trying to become a demon, while still retaining so much of his humanity. Ciel, the boy with a butler who instead of guiding him chose to treat him with coldness and dirty tricks like slipping him a little bit of soul into his dinner.
Sebastian felt a stirring of sense within him. He had to fix this. He had caused enough damage with the childish fit he had been silently throwing these last few months, and now he needed to man up.
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Mending Ties in Paris