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Apples & Arsenic	By : Kitteh Category: > Black Butler (Kuroshitsuji ???) Views: 2220 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler and don't make any profit from this.

Chapter List
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The day was bright and sunny and filled with dismay.
At least for Ciel it was. He didn’t quite enjoy the sun as much as the others….where the crew was calling out to each other happily, training in the sun and rolling up their sleeves, Ciel kept to the shadows cast by the tents. He had had breakfast in the sun and his ears and the tops of his shoulders were already stinging with burn.
“You’re too pale”, Sebastian chuckled when he had gone to complain to him. “I can’t turn off the sun, Ciel, I’m sorry. I believe first you need clothes that…cover you more.” Ciel glanced down at himself. His jeans were torn and dirty by now, and the shirt he wore he had worn to bed when Mey-Rin had come for him; it had cap sleeves and a wide, round collar. Looking up again, he noticed how Sebastian’s eyes were drawn to the expanse of smooth skin, following the line of his collarbone. The man cleared his throat and smiled again. “Let’s get you some, and I’ll put balm onto the burns. Don’t worry, that’ll clear right up.” When he offered Ciel his hand to take, the boy took it gladly.
Even though he had been in Sebastian’s tent before for his impromptu nap, it looked a lot different by day and when he wasn’t being hunted. Not quite as dark and ominous, less a cave he had hidden in. He could make out the cot he had had curled up on, the chests, the vanity with the large mirror each of the crew members had in their tents to prepare for the shows. The dimness inside the tent felt balmy opposed to the bright sun outside and Ciel had to blink a few times to adjust his eyes to the change. Sebastian was already bent over one chest. Ciel stared for a moment at a shapely behind and long legs, then flushed and averted his eyes. Fortunately, his blushing wouldn’t be noticeable…his face was red from the sun already.
When bid, he sat down on one of the chests close to the vanity. Sebastian flipped on the lights that were set around the mirror, making the area a little brighter, and knelt in front of him. In his hand was a palm-sized pot of something that smelled fresh and felt cool and gel-like when soft fingertips gently applied it to the bridge of his nose. Ciel watched quietly. “You’re pale as fresh cream”, Sebastian mused, spreading the gel-balm over the boy’s cheekbones to both sides, eyes on the task. His ears were next, then the cool fingers slid down his neck, keeping the touch instead of letting go and starting new where his shoulders and the curve of his nape were tinged pink. Despite the balm and his fingers being cool, Ciel felt warm – very warm. He couldn’t remember the last time someone touched him as carefully; his mother, possibly, when she still had insisted on bathing him herself. She’d stopped though when he turned ten. He had felt so mature then.
Ciel gave a minute shake of his head. Dwelling on the past wouldn’t help him in any way now. He couldn’t help the soft mew that escaped him when Sebastian brushed over the back of his neck. The darkhaired man blinked up at him in surprise. “Did that hurt? I’m sorry.” Ciel shook his head lightly again. “No, just….cold. I was in thought. It surprised me.” When Sebastian moved on to the tops of his shoulders, both of them were a little flushed.

**

“Absolutely not”, Ciel said in a deadpan tone. He was hot in the longsleeved shirt he wore to protect his delicate skin, even with how light the fabric was, his fine hair already stuck to his neck. Summer was truly awful. At least in his room, it was always comfortably cool.
His thoughts abruptly crashed to a halt. He would not wish himself back into captivity, no matter how hot it was here. Absolutely not.
He shook his head when Doll pulled at his hand. “It’s easy, come on! I’ll help you.”
“I’m not getting on that rope. No. That is way too high up! What if I fall?” The brunette groaned. “Smile, my dear, you’ll never get an act here if you don’t dare to try everything. What if you’re a natural? Huh? You could be amazing on the high rope and you’ll never know it, won’t that be sad?”
“I can still use him as fodder, you know”, Beast butted in, walking past in that moment. Ciel gave her a glower from under his bangs. “NO thanks.” The woman chuckled. “Suit yourself, Snowy.” She’d been making fun of him non-stop since he had gotten sunburnt first thing in the morning. Ciel believed he didn’t like her much.
He had already endured Dagger’s confused questions as to why he didn’t hit the target – as if he had used his time in captivity to train his muscles. Right. The daggers he’d been given were excellently balanced, the target merely ten feet away and he still didn’t manage to throw that far. Every blade had fallen to the ground, uselessly, before even coming close to the target.
Joker had tried to teach him to juggle after that. It resulted in a throbbing headache when the balls had dropped onto his head one after another instead of falling back into his palms.
He hadn’t even tried to lift Jumbo’s weights, that notion was just ridiculous.
And Beast, that mean bitch, had pushed him into the tiger cage without so much as a word, which had been terrifying. Fortunately for Ciel, Betty the tiger had been fed just a little ago and wasn’t interested in a snack. She’d merely nosed at him where he was pressed against the bars, then yawned wide and lie back down. Beast had let him out, but he’d been trembling so bad he couldn’t even stand for a while. At least he’d had the pleasure of watching Sebastian yell at her.
Sebastian himself had taken him under his wing after that, asking him if he’d help with lunch. Ciel had happily agreed, because it sounded relatively safe. Half an hour later, he had managed to reduce the potatoes by half from peeling them too thickly and the bread had burned under his watchful eye. Like honestly going up in flames. It was fine one moment and Ciel thought one more minute would be good to have the crust a little browner and then…whoosh. He’d barely gotten to save his eyebrows.
And now they wanted him to go up there. The tightrope was looming above him in a dizzying height; there was a net below it during training, but he knew by now that Doll didn’t use it when she performed. It was that prospect that terrified him most of all. “I really can’t. Please…”
“Smile”, Doll sighed and took both his shoulders, taking her hands back quickly when he winced with her squeezing his sunburn. “Look, kid, you have to do something around here if you want to stay…why are you here in the first place if you don’t want to perform?” She gentled her voice when she saw the hurt and despair cross his face. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. I just meant…why the circus? You’re not from a circus family, you don’t have any specialty. Wouldn’t something else be easier for you?”
For a moment, he was tempted to tell her everything. That his parents had died and left him millions, but the will hadn’t been opened since he wasn’t quite eighteen yet and his aunt, who was his legal guardian was a crazy bitch that would probably sacrifice him to Satan one day. Or give him to her maniac to play with. That he had run away to save his life and had to get to Dover as soon as possible and that the circus was the only way to go, that he didn’t want to be a performer. That he planned to use them for as long as they were useful, then leave.
The thought put a sour twisting in his belly. These people were nice, for the most part, had taken him in without prying into his past, only asked that he contributed to the show in return. They didn’t want money, they weren’t abusive. Ciel might have been an introvert, but he wasn’t an asshole.
“I….”, he began, looking down at the dirt between their feet. “I….ran away from home. I can’t go back. It’s not a home, anyway.”
To his surprise, Doll smiled at him. “So did I.”
“You did?” Doll shrugged, pulling him aside so others could more easily pass through the tent flap. “Yeah. Isn’t that the cliché? Runaway kids always head for the circus. Dead pets, too, that’s what your parents tell you. Because they love you, I guess, and don’t want you hurt. All that doesn’t count when you grew up in an orphanage and a dozen foster homes.” She shook her head when pity crossed his face and his mouth opened. “No, don’t. It’s okay. Just know, I understand where you’re coming from. I know it’s not easy.”
Humbled, Ciel sagged a little. He’d been so preoccupied with his own problems that he hadn’t even thought about how others would have ended up here. “Sebastian’s really nice”, he replied softly in return. “He sure is!” Doll said happily. “Now, about that rope? Let’s start with a lower one, come on. Don’t look at me like that, I wouldn’t have put you up there on your first try!” Ciel grumbled. “Could have fooled me…”
The lower tightrope was a mere foot above the ground. Ciel took a deep breath and steeled himself; he wouldn’t hurt himself if he dropped from there. The ground was soft with grass and the sawdust they had sprinkled liberally over it. He set his foot onto the rope, shifted his weight onto it…
And dropped to the floor on the other side, face first into the sawdust. Behind him, Doll laughed raucously.
Ciel found himself smiling in return.

**
“Well…”, Sebastian sighed softly as Ciel sat on that chest again after the show, wincing as more balm was put over his sunburn as well as a dozen scrapes along his arms and legs. There was a bruise on his hip that throbbed with his heartbeat, his knees looked like he’d been dragged behind a car and he thought he’d twisted his ankle. “I suppose you haven’t found your calling yet?” Ciel shook his head mutely, looking down. Surely the man would send him away; he wasn’t useful at all. Instead, Sebastian lifted his face and brushed his bangs away from his eyes, looking thoughtful. “You’re not the most athletic person, pardon me for saying”, he told him gently. Ciel had to nod, he really wasn’t. “I’ve been thinking about where to apply you all day”, the director continued, a fingertip smoothing balm over the bruise high on his forehead where the juggling balls had hit him. “It’s unbecoming to rough you up every day just to force you into something you don’t want. So I thought…maybe we can put you in the sideshows. You know, where Jumbo works, to entertain the patrons before the show starts.”
“I tried the weights”, Ciel replied in a small voice. “I couldn’t-“
“No”, Sebastian interrupted. “No weights, goodness, no. But I believe I have the perfect thing for you.” He left him sitting there and got up, walked to another chest to open it, and pulled out clothing. A costume, by the looks of it, deep blue and cream, frills and valances, something his aunt would have loved if only it had been red. The cut was flattering, but….”This is a dress”, Ciel noted even as he held out a hand to feel the fabric. “It is, yes. In older times, the sideshows included artists that were able to stay very, very still in their costumes, like dolls or statues, only moving their posture every now and then. I believe that would be great for you.” He smiled at him. “Will you try it?”
Ciel looked at the dress in his hands, stroked the fine, silky fabric. Dark blue silk and grey brocade, a hint of cream white petticoat. “I can be very still”, he replied. “I had to, when…” Sebastian smiled gently when he trailed off. “Wanna tell me what all this is about? Because I don’t quite believe you always wanted to join the circus.” The man was more perceptive than Ciel had calculated. He dropped his eyes again. “I can’t…”
“I’m sure that’s not true. Hey, look at me…” Gentle fingers lifted his chin so dark crystal eyes met up with garnet ones halfway. “I won’t send you away, and I won’t turn you in if you don’t want to. But I believe I have the right to know what happened and just who you are, don’t you think? If I let you come along, I mean?” It took a moment of consideration, but Ciel took a deep breath.
“My aunt is planning to murder me.”
Sebastian rocked back, eyes wide in surprise. “I’m sure that-“
“No, don’t tell me you don’t believe it. I know it. The night I came here, our maid freed me from my room and told me to run because she had overheard something. I didn’t want to believe it, but I have to trust her, at least. If I go back, if she finds me…I’m dead.”
The silence between them was so oppressive Ciel began to squirm. “I can find somewhere else…”
“No.” Sebastian interrupted him. “No, Ciel, you don’t. You’ll stay here.”
“Thank you.” Ciel could see Sebastian seriously struggling with himself before he spoke again. “Just what happened that she wants you dead?”
The boy looked up at him. “I’m Ciel Phantomhive.” It seemed that was enough for the man to understand the situation; everyone knew about the tragedy of that noble family. Both parents dead in one night, a bloodbath if there ever was one, the case still unsolved. The only heir returning from public school, never to be seen again. No wonder, if the boy’s aunt had kept him locked up inside. “I suppose it would be best if you stayed with us until the matter is settled”, Sebastian told him gently. “And I believe you will be splendid in your costumes. Those will efficiently hide you in plain sight, as well, should someone come looking for you.”
“Just don’t trust anyone in exaggerated red.”

**

It felt weird at first, wearing a dress, but Ciel quickly got the hang of it. Eventually, it felt quite natural and it didn’t even take long for him to be comfortable. He was set into a wagon that had a glass pane instead of one wall to mimic a cabinet where one would store such old, expensive dolls; Wendy had gone to town earlier and found tresses in a costume shop that matched his hair color, which were clipped to his short hair to look like pigtails, long and curling elegantly at the ends. His face had been powdered so the healing scrapes and bruises wouldn’t show, the dress fit him perfectly as was draped around him as he sat in a little armchair with curled armrests and intricate wood carving for the back. He was glad he didn’t have to walk in the high heeled shoes on his feet. Wendy had put him in there the very next day after breakfast without the costume so they could see how long he would be able to sit still in one pose, how ajar the door had to be for him to have enough air. It turned out Ciel was very good at being a living doll, even if the wagon made him feel as if he was in a glass coffin.
His lashes had been darkened with mascara, eyeliner making the deep blue of his eyes stand out even more, he even endured the light pink lipgloss Wendy had dabbed onto his mouth. Doll had taken a picture with her phone and showed it to him. Ciel had to admit he was impressed.
And he had fun watching the people milling in front of his cabinet. More often than not, they stopped in front of the glass and discussed whether he was real or just lifelike; in those moments he changed his pose, so when they looked back at him he would be seated differently, have his eyes closed or open or smiling. Some people were creeped out at first, and that was a lot of fun too.
It was the last show in this spot, the next day they would move on to London’s other side, then down the coast. Ciel felt quite safe…but then, something too red appeared.
It took all his control not to flinch and bolt. Twenty feet away, Grell stopped and watched Jumbo lift a weight that was as large as Ciel’s body and much heavier.
No, no, no…he couldn’t be here. His plan had worked so well so far, why was he here? Cold sweat ran down the back of his neck and disappeared into his dress, trailing an icy finger down his spine. He had to sit still. Don’t move, don’t move…Grell turned, and Ciel closed his eyes.
Maybe if he didn’t have his eyes open, if he canted his head down as if sleeping, the maniac wouldn’t recognize him. It also put out his vision, of course, and his fingers cramped around the curved handrests. The next thing he knew, the door to his cabinet opened and he bolted so harshly he smacked right against the glass. Joker blinked at him in mild alarm. “Goodness, kid, it’s just me, relax…were you in the zone?” He held a cup of water in his hand. “The show’s starting, thought I’d let you know. No one will be around for a while, but some patrons like walking the grounds in the break and after the show, so stay here, kay? I’ll have someone bring you a snack if you’re hungry.”
Ciel took the cup, hands trembling so badly the water spilled and darkened his gloves. “Joker, I…did you see a man all in red?” The other laughed. “That was a man? Yeah, he’s watching the show. Why, you know him?”
“N-no, I…I just…” His fingers tightened around the cup. “He can’t see me. He can’t, or something horrible will happen. Please, just….”
Concerned, Joker stepped inside. “Alright, it’s alright, here, sit down. Drink. Did he do something to you before?”
“You can say that…”
In truth, Grell had never done anything to him, really. The redhead wasn’t interested in him and what little conversations they had had been short and rather polite. But Grell was loyal to the Madam, and the Madam wanted him dead. “I’ll keep an eye on him”, Joker promised. “I’ll tell Sebastian, if you want. An’ the others. We’ll keep him away from your box.” Relieved and grateful, Ciel nodded. He finished the water and the light snack some of the helpers brought him a bit later, anxiously waiting for the show to be over.
Before Ann, he’d been happy. His parents had been doting, if busy with their charities and his father’s business, he had adored the servants and they had adored him. His favorite cousin, Lizzie, had been over so often he was rarely without her. He’d had a big hound he had loved. Even his aunt had been nice to him, though she was seldom around.
Everything changed when the police had picked him up from school one night, telling him his parents had had an accident and his aunt was his guardian now. He was to finish his education from home because she wanted it like this. They had moved into the country manor and Ciel had been forbidden from going outside, even just into the gardens. Ann kept him inside and locked in his room if she thought he’d misbehave, with enough food and water so he wouldn’t starve and enough books to keep him from going insane from boredom. He had a TV, a computer, a library. Lizzie hadn’t come back. His hound was gone, too. And the maid eventually told him after relentless pestering on his side that his parents had been cut apart in their bed by what seemed to have been an electric knife.
It just so happened that Grell loved his chainsaw.
Ciel had had no opportunity to explore the possible involvement of his aunt in his parents’ death but he had no doubt she’d had them killed. He really didn’t want to be next.
He was so lost in thought that he almost jerked back when that repulsive red was seen again…standing right in front of his wagon. Bright green eyes studied him with interest. “How pretty”, Grell murmured, putting a palm against the glass. Ciel didn’t dare move, even though he was sure the redhead would see his pulse racing under his skin. Dread kept him immobile.
He was saved not a blink later by Sebastian. “Sir, this part of the exhibit is closed after the show. Come along, you can take a look at the animals instead.”
“Closed, you say! That’s unfortunate”, Grell cooed, looking the tall man up and down. “My my, director, you’re a handsome guy…I’d love it if you had a bit of exhibitionist inside you.” His smile curved sharp and predatory, turning from the wagon to put a hand on Sebastian’s chest. “As it happens, I’m a bit of an exhibitionist…and I have a bit that would fit inside you just fine.” Disgust crossed Sebastian’s features before he had himself under control again. “A tempting offer, but I must decline.”
“Must you, really?” Grell clicked his tongue. “Too bad. Where did you get this exquisite doll, might I ask? It looks quite real.”
“One of my coworkers and a bit of make-up, I’m afraid. Come along.”
Sebastian managed to lead Grell away, but it didn’t calm Ciel’s heart. The hunter had found him. He had no illusions that a bit of make-up and long tresses would deter Grell from his prey.
Maybe being put into a glass casket for people to gape at him hadn’t been the best idea how to hide him.
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Apples & Arsenic