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Fever Dreams	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male > L/Light Views: 2733 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
CHAPTER 20
Everyone in the investigation center was tense, full of little nervous movements as they waited to see what would happen after Misa's shocking statement. L mentally shut out their idle chatter and concentrated hard on the live video feeds showing on the multiple monitors, determined not to miss the slightest clue. He drank in all the details, even the smallest things such as the exact positions of hands and how often Misa and Light were blinking.
Light made an excuse to Misa so he could duck into the bathroom, and then he pretended to ask for permission for his next step, but his cellphone was switched off. Was it a stalling tactic?
Soichiro got off his cellphone and said, "Deputy-Director Kitamura says a force is ready. They only need a location and then they can quickly surround it to cut off all access in or out."
L said, "Good work, Chief Yagami," and then he once again hit the button that should call Light. Light's cellphone was still off.
Light took a few moments to primp in front of the bathroom mirror and then exited, telling Misa a story about how the supposed break-up had just been a Kira test, like the fake execution had been. Misa managed to get Light's pants open, provoking shocked exclamations from Soichiro and Matsuda, but Light quickly regained control of the situation.
If only I had previously thought to install something in his cellphone so I could remotely turn it on. Should I call Misa? It is a very delicate situation. Even if he is stalling, this is a rare opportunity to see Misa interact with Light when she supposes it is private. If I interfere too quickly, I could ruin all the work we've done to get to this moment.
The minutes ticked by, and Light's little speech to Misa was only becoming longer and more convoluted. It could be seen as delaying, or as a way to rebuild Misa's trust so she'd certainly tell the crucial information when Light got around to asking for it. Like everything Light did, it was plausible both as a tactic Kira would use and as something an innocent Light Yagami might actually do.
L called Misa, and as soon as she handed her cellphone to Light, L said, "I thought you might want a warning. Get to the point immediately. You have one minute."
Light replied, "I'm getting to it. There's a right way and a wrong way to do this. It's better with gentleness, not force."
Disobeying a direct order from a superior. Obviously stalling.
L said, "Your minute is already running out. You won't like what I have planned if you don't cooperate."
After saying that, L immediately disconnected so Light couldn't try to waste more time by arguing.
L said, "Light is being difficult. We need to make Misa extremely angry."
Matsuda said, "You mean you're really going to-"
"Yes. If you'd rather not see it, avert your eyes from the monitors to the left."
L had previously made sure that all video feeds with a view of the hotel room's television were grouped together. The investigators needed to watch what Light and Misa did, and sexual squeamishness couldn't be allowed to interfere with that task. This would make it easier for everyone.
Still, even with those precautions in place, L heard Matsuda let out an embarrassed high-pitched giggle and several other people made disgusted noises as soon as the video started playing. L kept his eyes to the screen, eagerly absorbing every detail, every reaction. Misa was shocked, utterly shocked. If she would turn in Light for betraying her, or kill him, or if she would otherwise make a mistake, now was the time. Anything might happen.
Or, if this entire thing had been a ruse from start to finish, with Misa and Light involved in some form of secret communication, then now would be when they might try to flee. Light would know this was his best chance to escape. L hovered one finger over the button that would open communication to the team of NPA officers who were ready to rush in and perform arrests. Misa had never seen them, so they, at least, wouldn't die.
Light quickly switched tactics, even going so far as to claim he'd been having threesomes with Matsuda.
Matsuda stammered out, "H-hey, all you guys know that i-isn't true, right? Light's lying. I don't know why."
L said, "Matsuda, Light is trying to make Misa angry."
"I'd never do threesomes with two guys. Why isn't anyone saying anything?"
Aizawa said, "Matsuda, we know you didn't do it."
Matsuda said, "I'll never be able to look Misa-Misa in the face again! Poor thing! She's suffering so much."
L said, "Matsuda, be quiet."
No, Misa isn't doing anything except reacting normally, and this is taking too long. Light is scheming, and he's still stalling for time. But, if I arrest her now, Misa might refuse to say anything. Am I playing into Light's hands? What choice do I have except to go along with this for a little longer?
L's finger hovered impatiently above the button. He itched to press it and call in the team to arrest Misa.
Then Misa's expression changed; she seemed to be realizing something was wrong. A moment later, she said, "This is a trick. Ryuzaki is making you say strange things to upset me, to see what I'll do."
If something will happen, it will be any moment now.
Misa tried to talk about the place where she had been told to dig up something, but Light interrupted with comments about her needing to fix her makeup.
L pressed the button and said, "Move in, quickly and quietly, but do not enter the actual room until my signal. Arrest anyone who tries to leave."
There is no doubt Light is stalling now. Even the others should see that.
As soon as the team of NPA officers reached the correct floor, Misa blurted out the location. L pressed the button in front of the microphone and said, "Move in now."
Then he held out his hand for Soichiro's cellphone and used it to give Kitamura directions for sealing off an entire park, everything surrounding the hiking trail Misa had mentioned.
Watari picked up Light from the hotel and kept Light occupied by driving around in circles as L directed the investigation. L couldn't help but be astonished by Light's obliviousness to the clues that were being uncovered one by one. Couldn't Light observe and manipulate things at a distance? Witnesses were found, the strange apple was found, and dirt was dug up and sent off to forensics to be sifted and analyzed. At least some of those things should be worrying to Light, or should provoke some kind of action. L nervously waited for an attack to be launched, but nothing happened.
Misa did not deal well with her confinement, and she was largely useless. She told the same story over and over, in a sincere way, as if she didn't think anything was wrong or incriminating about it. She either had no memories relating to Kira, or she was doing an excellent job of faking it.
When L felt confident in handing off the investigation to the rest of the task force members, he told them, "Investigate from now on at the secondary headquarters. Tell Watari anything you need. I have a number of ways of communicating secretly with him, and we keep switching codes so that Light won't find out. I may also give you orders through Watari."
When the last of them had left the main headquarters building, L sent Watari a signal to return with Light. As Watari put the chain on them once more, L briefly explained the situation, saying that evidence had been found but giving no details about it, except that it was being processed at the secondary headquarters. L even showed Light a map with the location of that building.
Now, he will try to use his power to spy, and then he should be forced into action. What is limiting him? The night I became sick with that fever and he went home by himself, he was far from here and yet Kira attacked this place. Why is he now acting as if he has a distance-based limitation?
L waited out the remaining days until the ultimatum, taking note of the growing evidence against Light and Misa, waiting for Light to do something. L even let Misa go once it was clear how pointless it was to question her. She would get a chance to do something too, if she still could. Perhaps her memories would suddenly return, and she'd try something, mess up, and incriminate the both of them.
It became clear that Light was waiting things out, refusing to do anything. Perhaps he truly didn't know how dire the situation was looking at the secondary headquarters. He'd need to be told. L arranged for a meeting with everyone present on the day of the ultimatum, to show Light the evidence directly and provoke him into doing something. Light would have to attack, or flee, or attempt to talk his way out of the situation.
The meeting took an odd turn when Light chose the least likely of those three possibilities. It was a classic move, favored by many criminals. When caught, blame the accomplice. L had seen it too many times before, and it was always a tiresome claim. But it was pulled off with incredible finesse, as only Light Yagami could do it, using every peculiarity of the Kira case to his advantage. Only in the Kira case would it be believable for a criminal to blame a shinigami, or to claim he couldn't confess anything useful because an invisible supernatural watcher would possibly kill him if he did.
The problem was that everything fit so perfectly. If it was a lie, it was a very believable one, with all the details meshing nicely with what was known. As far as the unknowns, Light had the perfect excuse to refuse telling the whole story, and without the full information, it would be incredibly difficult to find any flaws in what Light claimed was true.
As usual, Light had taken a situation where it seemed as if he were nearly trapped as Kira, and completely changed things to bring in a great deal of doubt. It was frustrating to have it happen over and over, Kira always remaining unreachable.
If Light is Kira, then he has managed to create a situation where even I wonder if he is Kira or not.
As expected, the next move was for the investigators to insist on a replacement. L did not try to argue, but gave in immediately.
I have failed. I did not solve a case, for the very first time.
L felt numb and angry all at once. He needed to think, and the more he went over the details in his mind the worse it became, a knot of turmoil sitting heavily in his stomach. Light really could be telling the truth. But someone as intelligent as Light could also make a lie this sophisticated.
That night, as L curled up in bed and continued to think, he knew he wouldn't get any sleep. Never had anything been so draining, but it was not leading to the kind of exhaustion that facilitates sleep, but rather the kind that irritates and creates painful wakefulness.
Then Light started touching him, and it felt good. Too good. L wanted to melt into Light's touches, wanted to press their bare skin together everywhere and lose himself in the sensation. He could feel his mind clouding over as the pleasure rose just from Light's hands on the outside of the clothing, and along with it a desire to push aside all evidence and simply believe Light without any questioning.
L rebelled by pulling Light's hands away and curling up, but Light kept trying to initiate something, until threats finally stopped him.
As the sound of Light's breathing slowly changed rhythm to the soft, even pattern of sleep, L lay there, curled in on himself. The room felt dark and empty, a lonely place. Hours went by and he couldn't sleep, but he couldn't seem to think either. His mind just ran in circles around the same few points, unable to find anything to grasp and dig in with. There was no new starting place or strategy. It was all the same, with the room pressing in and in until it almost seemed like an entity trying to crush L under a weight of loneliness.
L never went to sleep at all, and in the shower the next morning he couldn't stop looking at Light. If Near made the most logical decision, this could be the very last time.
In one swift motion L had grabbed a tube of lubricant and was pinning Light to the wall. Then it was nothing but need, need, and more need completely overwhelming him. There was no thinking, only action, no future, only the present moment of their bodies moving together with soft wet warm skin and the water flowing over everything. There was that face, the one that could be the face of a murderer, or a soulmate, or both. L pushed those thoughts deep within and kissed that face again and again, unable to get enough. He was almost ashamed of how much he wanted sex, of how good it felt to push inside Light again and again, ashamed of the sheer force of his orgasm when it hit him at the end.
It was not too long after that when it happened. The end of things. At the meeting, Near said exactly what L expected, and in response L turned his back on Light and said, "Go away."
Light fought it. He eluded Watari in order to engage L in one last hug, from behind. He said things L wanted to believe, and he said them so well that L shivered inside, feeling it in his very bones. L wanted to go with Light. He might have, if the task force members had waited another minute before pulling Light away.
L wanted to be anywhere except Japan, but he'd made a promise to stay until everyone was satisfied that N wasn't a puppet, but a true replacement.
It was difficult. He took up other cases, but it wasn't quite the same as before. He couldn't devote endless time and energy to them. There was a lack of internal stamina.
Several days after Light had left, Watari found L in a terrible mood, lying listlessly in the middle of the kitchen floor.
Watari said, "L, I admit I was wrong to suggest that you see a prostitute. I realize now that I went too far. I think, instead, it would be a good idea if you dated."
L said, "I can't. It wouldn't do any good. If I knew Light was Kira, I could force myself to be satisfied with leaving him. If I knew Light wasn't Kira, I could go back to him."
Watari said, "Think about it. You've never had anyone. It might be easier to replace Light than you believe it will be."
L didn't believe it, but he took up the task the next morning, creating a profile for himself to use in various dating services. He hired someone who resembled him for the photos, and had the guy wear thick glasses and a somewhat different hairstyle. It would not do to have real photos of L out there in places where copies could be made.
L searched through and rejected thousands of profiles for each one he added to his list. He recognized a pattern right away. He added incredibly smart men who looked similar to Light. He made an effort to add some men who didn't look at all like Light, along with a few women. He wasn't really sure what he would want. He didn't feel any attraction looking at the photos of other men or any women.
He knew what turned him on. It was Light, and L secretly snuck videos away to watch them, to see Light responding during sex, and to feel the answering response in himself as he watched and touched himself, his heart beating so fast as shame and euphoria rose inside him at once. He intended to wean himself away from watching videos of Light, to slow down the habit and eventually end it, but it never really happened. It was a pernicious weakness.
The dating went just as L expected. Everyone noticed the difference from the photos, and L attributed it to using a photo that was a couple of years old and no longer wearing glasses. Several of his dates attempted to take new photos, and one got himself kicked when mere talking didn't dissuade him. L found dating to be a chore, something he did without much hope, mainly so Watari would worry less and to fill up the time.
Sometimes he played strange tricks on his dates, just to study human nature and hone his skills. Other times, he went along with what they wanted, up to kissing and a bit of petting, nothing below the waist or they got kicked. L wanted to feel something when kissing and holding these awkward strangers, but he felt nothing. It was clinical, passionless, like pressing lips against a wall. Men or women, it didn't seem to matter.
Almost exactly a month after Light left, Watari came into L's room in a huff and said, "You need to turn on the news right now."
L turned it on. He didn't want to believe what he was hearing. Light had to be the one responsible. This was something only Light could do.
L said, "That vindictive-"
He felt an awful mess on his hands, and looked down to see that he'd completely crushed the doughnut he'd been eating. His hand was smeared with frosting.
- 19
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- 21
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Fever Dreams