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Blind Fury	By : HollowedRose Category: > Durarara!! (?????!! Dyurarara!!) Views: 6534 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!! and its characters. They belong to Ryohgo Narita. I'm not making any profit from this.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
Chapter 20 - Heartshaped Abyss
"Nii-san," Kasuka spoke softly, but instead of raising his head and looking at him, Shizuo recoiled at the sound as though he'd been whipped. I've never seen him cry before, he thought dejectedly. He didn't know what to do, especially when he was still somewhat confused about how he ended up in his brother's apartment. The last thing he remembered was getting out of the taxi he was sharing with Izaya, and walking away without sparing the man a second glance, his mind set on getting home and taking a long, relaxing bath. He shook his head to get rid of the memory and turned his attention back to Shizuo. "Please look at me!"
Shizuo didn't even dare raise his head to look Kasuka in the eyes, not when he knew what his little brother had been through. "Everything is my fault! I'm sorry!" He was a coward, he knew it, because he remembered seeing the terror in Izaya's eyes that night, and it crushed him to know that Kasuka most likely had that same look in his eyes. He finally understood now. He understood Izaya with such clarity that it physically hurt, and he loathed himself more than anything in the world knowing that he had been the one to put the man through such hell. How could I be so cruel? How could I ever blame him for what happened? Both Izaya and Kasuka were innocent, and both of them had been ruined because of him, and that was exactly why he deserved to die a slow and extremely painful death for his sins, hopefully by the hands of the two people whose lives he ruined.
"Nii-san, how did I get here?" Kasuka asked, hoping that Shizuo would stop apologizing for a second to answer his question. He didn't. "Nii-san, please, snap out of it!" he tried again, wishing to know why Shizuo was crying so that he could fix it.
"I'm sorry," Shizuo said again in-between sobs.
"Nii-san, plea―"
"Sorry!"
"NII-SAN!" Kasuka tried again with no success. He knew that he had to do something, but he didn't know how to reach out to his brother. He tried to grab his right wrist, but Shizuo once again recoiled from the touch before backing away until he hit the wall. Kasuka tilted his head and pondered the situation for a moment before gingerly kneeling on the floor just in front of the broken creature that used to be his brother. Everything hurt, especially his throbbing right wrist, but he took comfort in the thought that it could've been much worse. Much, much worse. He shuddered, the memory of the man holding him down and settling himself between his legs almost making him sick. It was disgust that felt, and he didn't remember ever experiencing it with such intensity. I almost got... and here he stopped his train of thought, not because of what could've happened, but because of the knowledge that Shizuo had actually done such an atrocious thing to Izaya. And yet... I can't abandon him. He needs me. "Nii-san," he tried again.
"SORRY!"
"Stop saying that!"
"I'M SORRY!"
"HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO!" shouted Kasuka.
Shizuo flinched and raised his head, never expecting to get slapped, hard. What―
Kasuka watched Shizuo's stunned expression for a second before grabbing his jaw in an attempt to force him to pay attention to what he was saying.
More tears ran down Shizuo's cheeks, a pathetic whimper slipping past his lips. Kasuka had never hit him before, which meant that his little brother hated him so much that he wanted to physically hurt him. "H-hit me," he said in a shaky voice, his eyes fixed on Kasuka's split lip instead of those brown, pained orbs. "I deserve it."
"That's not what―"
"Hurt me! Break me! Kill me! I deserve all of that and much more!" he nearly shouted, his entire body shaking, shivering, suddenly feeling more cold than he could ever remember feeling. "I'm no different than the monster who... who..." He couldn't continue though, he couldn't say the word, because that would've made everything so much more terrifying and real.
Kasuka's brows slightly furrowed. "Why would I..." If Shizuo was talking about what he thought he was, then... "How do you even know about what happened?"
Shizuo nearly choked on another sob. "Izaya showed m-me the video―"
"Oh no..." Kasuka said weakly and lost his grip on Shizuo's jaw, eyes going wide. "You saw that?"
Shizuo nodded frantically, shivering even harder than before. He lowered his head again and raised his hands, wanting to touch Kasuka, only to drop them, knowing that he had no right to ever touch him again.
Kasuka cringed, feeling slightly embarrassed that his brother ended up seeing the video. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have followed Izaya. I'm sorry."
Shizuo froze, too shocked that Kasuka would apologize for something that he had no control over. He raised his head, and for the first time since Kasuka woke up, he looked him straight in the eyes. "Never say that again! It wasn't your fault. The victim is never at fault. You fought well, I... I saw. Not your fault..."
"Nor is it yours. I'll be fine."
"It was my fault, and you'll never be fine!" Izaya was not fine either. Izaya was broken, terrified, hurt, all because of him, just like his little brother.
Kasuka raised his left hand to cup Shizuo's wet cheek.
Shizuo flinched, a part of him thinking that he would get hit again. Kasuka didn't hit him though, and that crushed Shizuo even more, because he deserved to be punished for his sins. He knew that he shouldn't, but he nuzzled into the warm palm anyway. It might be the last time I get to feel your gentle touch...
"Nii-san, please stop crying," Kasuka nearly begged, because he couldn't stand seeing him look so defeated.
"I can't help it," said Shizuo brokenly. "You were... y-you were... r-raped because of me."
Kasuka stood stock still. WHAT?! Ah, but if that was what Shizuo believed, everything made perfect sense. He grabbed Shizuo's chin and stared into his eyes. "I was not raped," he said sternly.
Shizuo's heart skipped a beat, eyes wide and filled with both hope and fear. Isn't he only telling me this to make me feel better?
"I don't know what Izaya told you, but nothing like that happened," Kasuka continued, hoping that Shizuo would believe him.
"But I saw the video," Shizuo said, voice barely audible, heart hammering inside his ribcage, "I saw Slon―"
"You were deceived."
"How...?"
Kasuka gave him a sympathetic look, finally realizing why Shizuo would try to end his life. He ran his fingers through the blond locks, feeling an overwhelming need to comfort him. "Izaya stopped Slon and saved me."
Shizuo's mouth fell open. "Izaya― saved you?"
Kasuka nodded and pulled Shizuo into a hug.
Shizuo's fingers desperately clutched the black t-shirt, wanting really hard to believe him. "You're lying!"
"I wouldn't lie about something like this!" He tightened his hold on Shizuo, feeling every tremor in that strong body that could easily snap a person in two if his brother chose to do so. Slon was strong, but he was nothing compared to Shizuo, and yet he hadn't been able to fight him off. He should've fought harder, and because he hadn't, Shizuo almost ended up losing his life. He remembered Slon's fingers tightly wrapped around his neck, and the man's hard shaft barely touching his ass before Izaya interrupted him. He felt his stomach churn in disgust and he shuddered at the memory, wishing that he could forever erase it from his mind. Shizuo's forehead was resting on his chest, those strong hands gripping the black material of his t-shirt with heartbreaking agony. Wait, what― These are not my clothes. He hadn't noticed before, but now that he had, he immediately recognized them. "Let me take this off," he said, hoping that Shizuo would let him go so that he could at least take off the coat hanging from his right shoulder.
Shizuo shook his head and tightly wrapped an arm around Kasuka's back. "Leave it," he said, voice trembling. He wanted so badly to believe Kasuka, but he was still afraid that it was nothing more than a lie told by his brother in order to make him feel less guilty about everything. But what if... I need to know. He slowly unclenched the fingers holding onto the black material and helped Kasuka slip his other hand out of Izaya's coat. He then grabbed the hem of the t-shirt before slowly pulling it up and letting the clothing article drop next to him on the floor.
Kasuka watched him, wondering what Shizuo was trying to do. "Nii-san...?"
"I need to... check... something." He knew his voice was trembling, hell, his teeth were chattering, but he had to see it with his own eyes, otherwise he wouldn't be able to believe it.
I don't want to see this, thought Kasuka, the bruises on his chest and stomach reminding him of how easily it had been for Slon to immobilize him."Nii-san, please..."
Shizuo checked the shoulders first before raising his head and looking him in the eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you. I only want to see if there are any bruises on your hips."
"There aren't!" Kasuka rushed to answer, but realized that Shizuo didn't believe him when his brother unbuckled his belt and dipped a finger past the hem of his pants before slowly pulling down the material from his left hip. "Nii-san, I swear, nothing like that happened!"
"Don't― talk."
Kasuka closed his eyes, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious.
"Nothing here," said Shizuo, his voice filled with hope. He remembered how hard he had grabbed Izaya's hips that night, so it only made sense that Slon would do the same. To get leverage, and it made him sick to even think why he knew such a thing. I really am a monster. His honey-colored eyes further darkened, the regret he felt in regard to what he had done to Izaya almost suffocating him.
"I told you already, nothing happened!" Kasuka tried again, but his words fell on deaf ears.
Shizuo ignored him and did the same thing to Kasuka's right hip, a sigh leaving his dry lips at seeing no bruise in the shape of a palm or fingers. "You're not lying to me, right?" he said, still not one hundred percent convinced that nothing happened. It was hard to believe that Izaya would arrange the whole thing only to save Kasuka at the last moment.
"Nii-san, I swear, nothing happened beyond me getting my ass kicked! Ah, I don't think I phrased that right, but you know what I mean." He picked up the shirt and tried to put it on, struggling with it for a bit until Shizuo grabbed it and snatched it from his hand.
"I'm going to give you one of my t-shirts," he said and moved to get up, only to get pulled back down by Kasuka.
"I would rather wear this."
Shizuo gave him a strange look.
"Nii-san, please don't hurt yourself like that again." He would probably never be able to erase from his mind the sight of Shizuo trying to sink that knife into his heart. If it hadn't been for Shinra and Celty, then... then you would've died.
Shizuo cringed, feeling extremely guilty for traumatizing his little brother with such an unsightly display. "I'm sorry, I never wanted you to see that, but the thought of that monster doing to you what I did to Izaya―"
Kasuka didn't let him finish and instead pulled him into a hug. "I know that you are sorry."
Shizuo hugged him back, relief flooding both his exhausted mind and body.
"Even if I would've really gotten hurt, I still wouldn't want to see you dead," Kasuka tried to reassure him.
Shizuo shook his head. "Trust me when I say that you would've hated me." Kasuka was naive if he thought that things wouldn't have changed after such a traumatizing experience. The only reason he could still touch him without Kasuka not flinching away or feeling disgusted was because Slon didn't get to finish what he started.
"I could never hate you," said Kasuka, his tone leaving no room for argument. He wasn't one to go back on his word, which meant that even if Izaya hadn't stopped Slon, he would've still not hated Shizuo, because he had made a promise to always be on his side. "Besides," he added, feeling a bit better now that he was finally safe in his Shizuo's apartment, "I'm here with you now, so let's not think about what could've happened."
"Perhaps I should have Shinra take a look at you, just to be sure," said Shizuo, still somewhat afraid that it was all a lie.
Kasuka pushed him away. "I've never lied to you before! Why would I start now?" He got up and walked to the kitchen to get a glass a water before coming back and sitting on the couch. He watched Shizuo, who was still sitting on the floor, looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He sighed loudly.
Shizuo had watched him carefully, to see if he was limping, but it didn't look like Kasuka had any problems walking. He breathed in relief, finally allowing himself to relax. Kasuka wasn't lying after all. "Can I... can I not punish Izaya for what happened today?" It was true that Izaya had been the one who got Kasuka hurt, but the man would've never done so had it not been for what Shizuo had done to him that night.
Kasuka gazed at him, that usual blank look back on his face. "Nii-san, I would be mad at you if you would even consider doing anything to him."
"Thank you," said Shizuo just before he grabbed Izaya's t-shirt and got up as well. He moved towards Kasuka and helped him put it on, because if that was what Kasuka wanted, who was he to argue? He cringed, remembering his own bloody t-shirt. He needed to patch that self-inflicted wound. "I'll be right back."
"Ok," said Kasuka and tried to find a more comfortable position on the couch.
Shizuo went to his room and pulled a t-shirt from the drawer, and then went to the bathroom to clean the cut. He took off his grey t-shirt to inspect the damage, but seeing how the wound was not that serious, he applied a simple strip bandage after cleaning it with some water. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a bit, cringing at the sight of his swollen red-rimmed eyes. He washed his face and ran a shaky hand through his hair. Izaya, what were you thinking? Why did you save him, he couldn't help but wonder. He stayed like that for a while, just looking at his reflection in the mirror before he turned around and went back to Kasuka.
"Will that be enough?" asked Kasuka, his eyes fixed on the strip bandage.
"It looked worse than it was," Shizuo said and put the clean t-shirt on. He sat down next to Kasuka and pulled him into a hug, and even after he felt Kasuka wince, he still didn't let go, because he couldn't. "I'm going to kill Slon."
"I think Izaya beat you to it," said Kasuka.
"Huh?" said Shizuo dumbfounded.
"He didn't want to back off, so Izaya shot him."
Shizuo tightened his grip on Kasuka. "I'm glad that he did."
Kasuka nodded. I'm glad to be here with you, he thought just before he allowed his body to finally relax.
- 19
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- 21
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Blind Fury