The Key to My Heart

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 21
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: Found on gurabiteshiyon.net. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: Gravitation
Rating: R
Warnings: angst, bad language
Timeline: After the anime/manga finishes.
Characters: Yuki/Shuichi/Annette (OC)
Feedback: Feedback is always welcome! If I don’t get feedback, I don’t want to continue!
Summary: Just how far would Yuki go in search of Shuichi?

Author’s Notes : I’m sorry this has slowed down. I’ve been extremely busy and away a lot with work, and I’m just not getting anything coming to me for this story at present. After writing this little flash of thought, it’s no wonder. Yuki’s too hung over, I think, to inspire me at the moment!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’ , nor am I making any profits from this.


The Key to My Heart: Chapter 21


Yuki opened his eyes with a groan.

The room was thankfully dim. Not dark because it was night, but dim due to the curtains being drawn, blocking out the daylight.

He rolled onto his back, the movement eliciting another drawn out moan he couldn’t hold back. He brought an unsteady hand up to cover his eyes. His head was pounding. He could feel it pulsing against his hand, his forehead clammy to his touch. He felt like shit!

He ran his tongue over dry lips. They were rough and cracked under its furry touch. He tried swallowing, and nearly choked. His throat was completely parched, so dry it felt like rough sandpaper. Ah, fuck! he muttered to himself. He would have to get up to get something to drink. He tried to swallow again, and was just as unsuccessful. He could conjure up no saliva in his mouth at all.

With another moan, he rolled to his side, propping himself up on one elbow. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, feeling the grittiness caked there, the rough stubble on his cheeks. He raked a hand through his hair, the greasy locks catching on his fingers. Gods, he felt so god-damn fucking awful!

He forced himself to a sitting position, swinging his feet to the floor. That effort alone had been enough to make him break out in a sweat, his heart thumping. He dropped his aching head into his hands, resting elbows on his knees for support. Fuck, his head hurt!

He couldn’t remember much about getting back to his hotel, but he had obviously managed it. He could remember he had wanted to shower, and throw up. Well, he had managed one of the two. The throwing up. He could remember staggering to the bathroom as soon as he had entered the room, and being violently ill. So ill that every wretch had drained more and more of his strength, until he had huddled on the floor clasping the ceramic bowl.

After that, it had been all he could do to peel off his clothes, and fall onto the bed. He had slept completely naked, a state he was still in.

With another heartfelt groan, he forced himself to his feet, one hand resting on the bedside table for support. His legs wobbled dangerously under him. They felt like they would give way any minute, and dump him unceremoniously on his naked butt.

He scowled, and then grimaced, for that expression stretched the already taut skin across his aching forehead. Taking a deep breath, he staggered unsteadily to the bathroom, maintaining contact with the wall for support.

He reached in and turned on the taps to the shower, before doing the same at the basin. He splashed the cold water over his flushed face, shivering at the contact. Cupping a handful, he swirled the water around in his mouth, allowing the moisture to re-hydrate the desiccated flesh. He gargled, letting the coolness penetrate further down his throat. He could feel the tautness begin to ease and relax. Ah! That felt so much better!

He stepped into the shower, leaning forward and letting the wall support him, as the soothing water cascaded down his back. It had been a long time since he had drunk like that. He generally never drank to the point of oblivion. He didn’t like losing that much control. If he did intend to drink that much, he would usually call Tohma over. That way he knew there was someone there to take care of him, and he could then afford to let go. He never did this sort of thing on his own!

Damn it! Where was Tohma when he fucking needed him! The bastard spent his whole life sticking his nose in Yuki’s business when he wasn’t wanted! Now, when Yuki needed him, he wasn’t there! Fuck him!

Yuki knew he was being unreasonable, but he didn’t care. His head hurt, his body hurt, he felt sick, and he hated the world! How the fuck did he end up like this?!

He knew exactly how.

Shuichi! Bloody Shuichi! Fucking, moronic, idiotic Shuichi!

It was his fault! All his fucking fault! He turns up, looking and acting like he used to, and then fucking turns into someone else! Fucking ‘Shu Chan’! What a fucking stupid name is that?! That moron couldn’t even give himself something decent to be called by! He wanted to wrap his hands around that scrawny neck and throttle fucking ‘Shu Chan’! Fuck, fuck, FUCK!

Suddenly, the overwhelming sensation of pain exploded in his mind, penetrating his thoughts. Looking down, he saw the trail of bright red blood trickling down the tiles before him. Unawares, he had been punching the wall in time to his thoughts. For a moment he stood mesmerized, as he watched the red stream slide downwards to swirl in the water on the tiled floor, before disappearing down the drain.

Feeling suddenly came rushing back into his abused hand. Ouch!!!

He grabbed it back, cradling it, as he examined the wound. He had split the skin over the knuckles. Gingerly he opened his fingers, and then closed them into a fist. He winced. It hurt, but he didn’t think he had broken it. He looked at his other hand. It still had some swelling and bruising from its brief adventure earlier that morning.

God damn it! He sighed in defeat. He was a fucking fool!

He finished washing himself, stepping out and wrapping a towel around his waist. He picked up his abandoned clothes from the day before, distaste wrinkling his nose at the smell emanating from them. He carried them straight to the laundry bag. Thankfully, they would be cleaned up by tomorrow.

Heading back into the bedroom, he poured a glass of water and gulped it down. Not enough, reaching for the bottle instead, and tipping it to his mouth. He stood there for a long moment, swallowing the refreshing liquid. Two liters later, he dropped the empty bottle in the bin. He felt a little bloated from so much fluid, but he felt so much better for it also.

He walked to the balcony door, hand automatically snagging his cigarettes and lighter as he passed by. The cool air felt good against his skin as he stood there. He knew he couldn’t stay out too long, standing just in a towel. The coolness might seem refreshing now, but it would most likely cause him to catch a severe chill if he wasn’t careful, but for the moment it felt good. He drew on his cigarette, relaxing a little as he felt the buzz of nicotine course through his body. Ah, so much better!

The sun had almost disappeared. He watched the sky slowly darken, as night crept fugitively across the heavens, stealing the light like a thief. He watched as tiny lights all across the city began to flicker into life, little beacons piercing the darkness as though calling to each other.

What was Shuichi doing right now? Yuki wondered. Was he, too, looking at this sight? Did he see the same lights? Was Shuichi behind one of those lights?

Yuki still didn’t know where Shuichi was living, or even have a phone number to contact him. It hadn’t seemed right for him to ask, when Shuichi hadn’t offered. His teeth clamped onto the cigarette in his mouth. He didn’t want to think of Shuichi living with that girl!

He dropped the finished cigarette to the ground, leaving it to burn out, and turned and went back inside. He had better get dressed. Just in case. Why did he feel so uncertain? Surely Shuichi would call him?

Though, a small voice inside him said, perhaps not. Perhaps that’s why Shuichi hadn’t given Yuki any means to contact him. If Shuichi didn’t call, Yuki would have no choice but to go back to searching for him. His stomach clenched, nearly enough for him to throw up again. No, not again!

Shuichi would call! He wouldn’t turn his back on finding out about himself. But what if he decided he wanted to do just that? Forget it all, start anew? How many people would kill to have the opportunity to do just that? Start their life over, be someone else, forget everything that had gone before. To not make the same mistakes, fix things, do things differently. It must be tempting. Yuki could appreciate that.

Would Shuichi take that path? Maybe. Yuki had to admit he didn’t know what Shuichi would choose to do. The old Shuichi, yes, he would have said he could have picked with certainty. The new Shuichi, this ‘Shu Chan’, this one he didn’t know.

He pulled on some casual clothes; slacks, shirt, and jacket. Looking down, he ran his hand over the other clothes still crowding his bag. Shuichi’s clothes. Would he ever be able to give them to him? He couldn’t just walk up to him, and hand them over like nothing had happened. How would he even explain why he had them in the first place! No, the time had to be right before he could do that. So he would hang onto them for a while longer.

He glanced at his watch. It was getting later. Would he call? Had he listened to the ipod? Did that make him remember – anything?

Yuki lit another cigarette. He should eat something he knew, even though his stomach was rebelling at the idea. He glanced through the menu, looking for something light, before settling on an omelette and salad. He called room service, as well as making arrangements for his laundry to be done.

He had taken precautions when booking in that he used his real name, not his pen name. Previously, all the bookings had been under Tohma’s name, so no-one would have been able to easily trace their whereabouts via the accommodation bookings. However, once Tohma had left, Yuki needed to make certain he maintained a low profile. All Yuki’s official documents still listed him under his family name, so it made it quite easy. So far, no-one seemed to have recognized him, for which he was thankful.

Actually, he really should find out from his publishers if his books were sold in Canada, and if so, how were the sales here. After staying here for this time, he was now curious about that.

His meal arrived and he sat down to eat. He had a hard time making himself take that first bite. He toyed with the food on his plate, pushing it around, jabbing it, before finally bringing a forkful to his mouth, and chewed. His stomach lurched as the first mouthful reached it. He sat still for a moment until it subsided. After that it was easier, and he felt his appetite returning.

He looked at his watch as he finished. It was getting later. When would Shuichi call?

Just then he heard the ringing. His cell phone. Where….? He looked around frantically. Where was the damn thing?! He checked his pockets. No. Where? Tossing a few papers aside, he discovered it buried under his coat on the floor. Grabbing it, he pressed the button, hoping it hadn’t already switched to the message bank.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Yuki? Is that you?” The voice questioned, a little hesitant.

“Yes, Shuichi.” He had called.

A small sigh. “Good. Look, I’ve been thinking about last night.”

So have I, Yuki thought. I wonder, what have you decided?

“I know you have to let people know back…in Japan. So I don’t mind if you tell my family.”

“Only your family? What about your band?” Yuki asked.

“Um, well, I guess you can. I just don’t want a lot of strangers knowing yet.”

Strangers, that was how Shuichi viewed them all. Even him.

“Alright. I’ll just tell your family and the band.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s okay. Thanks for doing that.”

“Not a problem. How….how can I get in touch with you? To let you know what they say?”

There was a pause. “You…you could meet me at the club, I guess. I’m working there all this week. I start about 9pm, but I usually get there about an hour earlier.”

“Can we…talk again….tonight?” Yuki asked, trying not to sound too eager, too desperate.

“I …suppose so.” Then Shuichi’s voice got stronger. “Yes, that’ll be fine.”

“Then I’ll see you later.”

Yuki stood looking at the silent phone in his hand. At least he had called, even if he didn’t sound that keen. Could he blame him? Shuichi was being pushed rapidly into something he wasn’t at all sure he wanted to get involved in. It was asking the boy to take a great leap of faith in all this.

Shuichi also hadn’t seemed that keen on letting Yuki see him again. That hurt. At least, he had finally agreed to the meeting in the end.

So, Yuki thought, who should I call?

***********

Shu put down the phone.

“How did it go?” Annette called from the bedroom. She had left to give him some privacy.

“Fine.” he called back “He’ll tell me later what’s going on.”

“Good.” Annette walked into the sitting room, towel wrapped around her head from her shower. She sat on the floor and picked up a pen. “Are you ready?” she asked, looking up at him.

“I’ll just grab my things.” which he did, returning in a moment. “Don’t wait up for me.” he said, leaning over and dropping a kiss to her upraised lips.

“Don’t be too late.” she replied with a smile.

“I’ll try not to be.” and he left.

As he made his way to the club, he thought back on his conversation with Yuki. He had stood by the phone, looking at Yuki’s card for a long time, almost afraid to pick up the handset and dial.

He didn’t know why he had felt like that. The man had been nice to him, not overly talkative, but Shu was used to people telling him that he talked enough for everyone else as well. It had been a pretty awkward situation for everyone, he guessed.

Finally he had taken his courage in both hands, and called. The phone had rung and rung. He had almost hung up, when a voice had answered a little breathlessly. He recognized it immediately. Yuki. For some reason, he felt his heart leap at the sound.

He had felt a little hesitant speaking to Yuki. What, after all, could he really say? Of course, he had to let Yuki tell his family he was okay. He knew that. He had known that right from the moment that Yuki had appeared and told him that he knew his past. He had just been trying to find ways to avoid it, however illogical it had been to do so. So what else could he say, except to give Yuki the go ahead to make the call.

So, there. It was done. His family in Japan would be told. Soon he would know what the next step would be. The whole thing had sent butterflies fluttering madly in his stomach. Big butterflies. Elephant sized butterflies, that threatened to clamber up his throat and choke him. The vision he was getting of that was truly terrifying!

Then Yuki had asked for a way to contact him. That had almost stopped his voice. He hadn’t been expecting it, so he hadn’t quite known what to say. Why had that question sent a rush of conflicting emotions through his soul? Feelings of anticipation and excitement, and yet nervousness and fear. Of course, Yuki would need to speak to him again. The man was trying to get things organized and Shu knew he wasn’t helping things any with his evasions. He had finally told Yuki that he could find him at the club, and what times he was working there this week. It was the first thing that came out.

Now, looking back on it, why had he done that? He could have given Yuki his cell phone number. Surely, it wouldn’t have been wrong to have even given him his home phone number. Annette wouldn’t have minded, he knew that. Why had he not done so? It would be a lot easier for Yuki to tell him anything else by phone, than making the man drag himself down to the club in the middle of the night!

Why had he done that? Maybe he was just trying to protect Annette. He stopped in mid step. Protect her from what? he wondered. Nothing bad was happening here. Confusing, yes, strange, yes, but not bad. Why did he think he had to protect Annette from anything?

He continued walking slowly. He was feeling more and more conflicted about the whole situation. He sighed. Somehow he didn’t think it was going to get any better either. He wasn’t completely certain what to expect, but a part of him knew that no matter what it was, it was going to be difficult to deal with. He really wished that he could go back to just being ‘Shu Chan’. He had thought he had his life sorted out then. Now….everything was changing. Changing faster than he thought he was capable of keeping up with.

He wondered when Yuki would turn up tonight. If he would come early, or wait until later on? He suddenly realized he was smiling. Why was he smiling? He frowned. Why was he smiling when he had just wondering when he would see Yuki again?

Something didn’t seem …right, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.