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Fever Dreams	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male > L/Light Views: 2733 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 20
- 21
- 22
CHAPTER 21
Light woke up the morning after returning home - or rather to the new house L had bought - to an absence of Rem. Light reveled in the idea of some brief privacy, and lay in bed for a little while, savoring the quiet of his room. Through the floor he could hear dim sounds of what had to be a rather noisy breakfast downstairs.
Light consolidated his thoughts, going over the details of his various plans to lure L back into his life. The easiest and most likely plan was the one to try first.
It is time to act like a lovesick moron. Then, he'll have to use that as an angle to investigate me, in person. He won't be able to turn away from an opportunity like that. That is a way N cannot possibly investigate me.
Light smiled to himself just thinking about it. Without getting out of bed, he retrieved his cellphone from the end table and made calls to various delivery services, ensuring that candy, cakes and flowers with sappy love messages would arrive at the investigation headquarters once an hour throughout the day.
I'm sure L is too paranoid to eat anything I've sent, on the chance of poison. Probably all of it will be re-routed to forensics, but L will be aware I'm sending these things. He's too perceptive and involved with everything around him to be ignorant of deliveries that arrive at the building he's living in. I wonder if L is watching me at this moment? There could easily be cameras in this room. Well, whether there are or not, I have ways of getting to L. He may not be aware of it yet, but he needs me.
Then Light got up and went through his morning routine of showering, getting dressed and brushing his teeth, increasingly puzzled by the continued absence of Rem and by the sheer volume of the noisy breakfast downstairs. The words were all indistinct; a babble of blended voices, so it was impossible to know what was going on, but it simply wasn't typical of Sachiko and Sayu to be so loud.
When Light entered the kitchen, he immediately saw the problem. Misa was having breakfast with Sayu and Sachiko. Rem was hovering invisibly behind Misa, looking extremely pleased.
Light stopped and tried to lurk out of sight, debating whether he should retreat back upstairs or not, but just then Sayu noticed him and squealed, "Big brother! About time you got up, sleepyhead!"
In the next instant, Misa was up from her chair and launching herself in Light's direction. Light ran to keep the couch between himself and Misa as a barrier.
Misa said, "Light! I've missed you so much!"
Light had to dart around the couch to continuously keep it between her and himself.
Light said, "Misa! Sit down."
She didn't obey, but tried to fool him by quickly changing directions and circling the other way. Light changed course, neatly avoiding her.
Sachiko cleared her throat and said, "Misa was waiting on the lawn when we woke up. She looked so sad, and she really insisted on joining us."
Rem said, "Do not send Misa away. I would like to enjoy her presence."
This is going to be difficult.
Light said, "Misa, you're not my girlfriend any more. I think you'll be much happier once you realize that. However, it is fine if you have breakfast with us just this once, as long as you don't try to touch me. It isn't appropriate to snuggle with me or hang on my arm."
Misa started climbing over the couch and said, "But, Light, I need you so much and there's no reason we can't be together now. I have my sources. I found out you got dumped."
Misa's gleeful little smile made Light want to slap her face repeatedly until all traces of happiness disappeared from it.
Sayu said, "What! What happened, Light? I knew you were hiding something. You have to tell us all the gossip."
Light backed up. Misa had managed to eliminate the couch's use as a barrier by climbing over it completely, and there wasn't enough room to safely dart past her on either side. Light suddenly grabbed Misa's shoulders and used them like levers to swivel her around and then walk her forward. He ignored her attempts to cling and stroke, calmly walking her to a kitchen chair, forcing her into it, and then sitting down himself in a chair on completely the opposite side of the table from her.
Misa tried to jump up, but Sachiko said, "No, dear," and prevented her with a firm hand on Misa's shoulder.
If I don't stop this soon, Rem will start to think like Misa, that there's no longer any barrier to me dating Misa. Rem has much more power in this situation than she realizes, and I must keep her from utilizing that power even if I'm crude and harsh and it's embarrassing. I need to prevent Rem from gaining the upper hand and forcing me to be Misa's pretend boyfriend. Otherwise, I'll be nothing but Rem's slave for the rest of my life.
Light composed himself just so, trying to exude confident body language, and then said, "Misa, I thought I'd made myself clear before, but I see we need to have another serious conversation about our relationship even though I'd rather not say these things in front of my mother and sister."
Misa said, "Oh Light, you're giving me another chance, aren't you?"
"First of all, I want to say that you aren't really in love with me. You decided that you fell in love within moments of seeing me for the first time. That kind of love isn't real, and if you can form an attachment to me so easily, it will not be difficult for you to love a completely new person just as strongly. All you need to do is try."
"You don't understand. My love is-"
"Misa, please don't interrupt. I have more points to make. Not only is your love for me mistaken, superficial and easily replaced, it would also make you unhappy even if I went along with it and pretended to be your boyfriend. I already tried that for months, and it didn't work."
Misa said, "Light, I was happy living with you."
Light said "Misa, if you're going to fix your life you need to let go of your delusions. You weren't living with me. We were in the same building, but not even on the same floor. And, you weren't happy. You were constantly annoyed, bored and generally unfulfilled. If you'd had a boyfriend better than me, you would have been satisfied. You were constantly trying to have sex with me, and I didn't have sex with you even once."
Sachiko and Sayu both gasped.
Here it comes. I'm not really gay, am I? Just because the very few people I've had any attraction to so far have been male, that doesn't mean I could never be attracted to a woman in the future. Yet for the sake of not becoming Rem's slave I should describe things this way.
Light took a deep breath and said, "Misa, it should be obvious to you by now. I'm not attracted to you at all, but you've actually seen me having sex with Ryuzaki. I'm gay, Misa."
Wow, Mom really looks shocked.
Light continued, "I tried to force my feelings with you, but nothing ever happened. Try doing research on it. There's no cure for homosexuality, and women never find happiness with gay husbands or boyfriends, no matter how hard those men try or how many years those men pretend and force themselves into the role. Your happiness will only arrive after you give up on me."
Rem has to be swayed by this argument. It should be obvious that a pretend relationship can't make Misa happy, and even a shinigami can't force a homosexual man to have anything other than a pretend romance with a woman. This way I won't have my choices and freedom taken away by Rem.
Misa looked away, staring at the wall. Light wasn't sure whether she was about to cry or to get angry.
Sayu said, "I knew you wouldn't be afraid Dad would disown you just for moving in with a girl. So this is what you were hiding! Who is Ryuzaki? Someone from college?"
Light said, "Ryuzaki is the nickname of Hideki Ryuga, that other guy who got a perfect score on the To-Oh University entrance exams. I was living with Ryuzaki, sleeping in the same bed with him for months, and Misa still doesn't think there's any problem with the idea of me being her boyfriend."
Still staring at the wall, Misa said, "Light, you kept telling me, telling me I was your girlfriend. Then you said I wasn't and then you said I was, and you, you kept changing your mind."
Misa's head snapped back and in a low, dangerous voice she said, "It's not fair. You never gave me an honest chance. We didn't have a single real date without Ryuzaki. He's such a pervert, forcing me to watch those dirty videos!"
Sachiko let out a choking sound.
Misa continued, "I'm so glad he dumped you. I could tell he had kinky thoughts about you ever since he first chained you up. And then later, on our first date it was so creepy when he followed along and kept talking about how he was going to watch us have sex. I bet Ryuzaki is hooking up with lots of different men right now, maybe even a few women. I know he grabbed my butt the first time I met him. He was sneaky but I felt it. We have to start over, Light, we have to. We'll begin again, and it will work this time."
Rem said, "Do not send Misa away yet. I've been missing her and I would like to spend time near her, even though she cannot see or hear me."
Light said, "Misa, I have no problem being friends with you. Go ahead and stay for breakfast, as long as you don't try to grab me. If you do, I'll go upstairs and lock myself in my room until you leave. However, you must understand you have no chance of becoming my girlfriend again. As friends, we should not see each other often and we will not do anything resembling a date."
Misa got a calculating smile on her face and said, "Oh, you've underestimated Misa's powers of persuasion. I'll get you back."
Sachiko said, "Light, I'm not sure this is a good idea. Maybe Misa should go now."
"Mom, she came all the way out here. We should at least feed her a meal and talk with her for a little while. But, as soon as breakfast is over, I need to get started on obtaining special permission to re-enter To-Oh University. Misa will leave at the end of breakfast."
Sachiko said, "I'll make some more pancakes."
Over the next half of an hour, Misa talked almost non-stop. She kept trying to edge her chair around the table in Light's direction, as if she didn't think he'd notice if she moved closer a centimeter at a time. Sayu clearly wanted to ask a lot of questions about the months-long absence, but Misa interrupted her constantly to blabber on about "how special Light is" and a bunch of other nonsense.
Light kept thinking about L, remembering how quiet L was unless he had something important to say, looking at the syrupy pancakes and the strawberries for topping and thinking of how much L would like this breakfast, of how he would probably arrange the food into little patterns and play with it before eating it. Maybe that was how he stayed so skinny; he didn't eat as much as he seemed to because so much time was spent in playing rather than eating.
In the middle of a one-sided attempt at engaging in cutesy baby talk, Misa suddenly made a strange-looking lunge for the syrup bottle. Light guessed what she was doing but couldn't move out of the way fast enough. Almost instantly, the entire sticky contents of his plate had been pushed all over him.
Misa said, "Oh, look at everything I dumped in your lap! Let me get it cleaned up."
Light scrambled out of his chair, but before he could even take two steps away Misa had tackled him to the floor and was groping his crotch under the pretense of cleaning away the syrup and messy chunks of pancake.
Sachiko looked completely frozen in shock, holding a spatula in mid-air while a pancake began burning behind her.
Sayu started laughing as if this were the funniest thing she'd ever seen.
It was surprisingly difficult to push Misa away. She was slinky and evasive, stronger than she looked, and she really clung desperately. It took about a minute of awkward wrestling on the floor, which Misa seemed to enjoy a lot, in order to get her disentangled. As soon as Light had regained control of the situation he used Misa's shoulders to forcibly steer her toward the door.
Misa said, "Noooo! Let me stay. I know you would have gotten hard in another minute or so."
Even if I was attracted to only women, I don't think Misa could ever turn me on. Not unless I could get her to shut up and pretend she was someone else. What the hell is wrong with her? Most of the time she doesn't even act like a real person. Is she completely insane because of her parents dying and that stalker attacking her?
Light said, "Misa, this is it! If you're going to be my friend, you will always behave when you are around me. I am serious. Because of this incident you are not allowed around me for at least a week."
Sayu, still laughing, anticipated Light's route and darted ahead of him to open the front door so he wouldn't smear the doorknob with his sticky hands.
Light pushed Misa outside and Sayu quickly shut the door just before Misa could dart back inside.
Light said, "Sayu, run to the back door and lock that too."
As Sayu ran off to obey, Light went to the bathroom, where he cleaned up the mess and put on different clothing.
When he came back to the kitchen, nobody was there.
Sayu poked her head around the corner and said, "Light, you've got to see this! Misa is digging up chunks of dirt and throwing them at the house."
Light ducked down and crawled into the living room, carefully hiding behind the couch so that Misa should not be able to see him through the window. Misa was on her hands and knees, one high-heeled boot removed from her foot, using the heel to stab into the turf. She was gradually poking out a divot, and several scars could already be seen on the lawn. Rem was drifting along behind Misa on bat-like wings.
Misa finished her task and threw the chunk of dirt with a bit of brown winter grass attached. It arced out of sight and made a quiet thump against the door.
Sachiko crouched down, approached the living room window and began pulling on the string that would close the shades. She said, "Light, this can't continue. Please call the police. We'll get her removed."
Rem might be too upset if I get Misa arrested.
Light said, "No, don't do that! It will be better to just ignore Misa."
Sayu said, "But, Light, she's throwing dirt at the house! Look at her!"
Light said, "Sayu, I was cruel to Misa. I was dating her and telling her she was my girlfriend for a long time, even while I was having sex with Ryuzaki. Because of everything Misa has been through, it would be wrong for me to call the police on her when she gets angry. She has every right to be this upset."
Sayu said, "I know a lot of people get kind of wild when they start college, but I never imagined you were so scandalous! Dropping out of school and leaving without any contact information, that's practically running away from home. And then, you have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time? It's like a soap opera."
Sachiko blushed and said, "Light, I don't mean to pry, but this is very important. Do you use condoms?"
I am not going to talk about my real sexual history with my mom.
"Mom, I was a virgin before Ryuzaki, and I've only had sex with him, and he was a virgin too. Condoms weren't necessary."
Sachiko made a little coughing sound and then said, "Ryuzaki sounds like a very wild boy. Light, people often lie about their sexual experiences, and if Ryuzaki is into chains and pornography and watching live sex, he probably has had sex before he was with you."
"If it makes you feel better, I will buy condoms and keep them with me."
Sachiko said, "Yes," coughed nervously and then retreated to the kitchen as another soft thump came from the door. Light heard Misa screaming, partly muffled by the walls.
If Misa keeps this up, the neighbors will call the cops.
Sayu said, "Light, now I know why you're such a good dresser. Can I re-introduce you to all my friends as my gay brother?"
"No, this is difficult for me. I'm just now talking about it for the first time. Let's go slowly and not just immediately tell everyone."
Sachiko said, "Sayu, it's best to be polite. This is a private issue. Besides, Light's still young. Maybe he'll change his mind and marry a woman someday."
By presenting myself as gay, I won't look perfect to everyone any longer. I won't be able to fulfill all their expectations. Well, it is probably good for me to have a little less pride; it will be an improvement to my character. That is one of the reasons the Kira plan went wrong. Anyone who is to judge all the world's criminals needs to be more realistic and not blinded by anything such as pride.
Misa eventually left without attracting any cops, but she returned in the afternoon for another session of dirt throwing and got arrested that time. Light completely ignored Misa and divided the rest of the day between lounging around thinking up plans and doing paperwork and making phone calls to ease the process of being suddenly re-admitted to To-Oh University.
The new house was uncanny and difficult to get used to. It was highly similar to the old one but not exactly the same. If it had been very different, or if it had been completely identical, it would have been easier, but the little differences threw Light off. He began eyeing some of the odd features, trying to figure out if L had created them with any meaning in mind. The way that the ceilings joined to the walls with complex moldings was particularly suspicious, with easy places to conceal hidden cameras, but the ceilings were much higher and even standing on a chair didn't allow for a good view of what might be up there.
Light managed to sneak a small ladder up to his room to check, and found one small gray disk that looked like a particularly sophisticated hidden camera. When he found it, he smiled directly at it and went into a little speech about how much he needed to see L. Then he climbed down from the ladder, leaving the camera there.
It was three days of waiting until the first day of classes. Light continued to send hourly chocolates, cakes and flowers to the investigation headquarters, sure that L would be aware of what was happening, but he got no response of any kind, only depleting his money in the process.
On the second day, an enormous amount of mail from Misa arrived, and Light threw it all away without reading it. Sneakily, Misa had included one small box with a false return address on it, and when Light opened it, it was a strange-smelling letter that switched wildly back and forth between declarations of love and threats of continued stalking. Some kind of object wrapped in paper towels was also in the box, and proved to be the headless corpse of a bird. Light hoped that Misa had found it lying around on the ground instead of producing it herself.
On the day before his first class, Light went to the investigation headquarters, constantly standing there and buzzing to be let in for two hours without any response, and then sitting on the steps near the side entrance until at last Mogi came out.
Mogi looked uncertain.
Light said, "Tell Ryuzaki I love him, please? Then I'll go away."
"I'm supposed to tell you that you'll be arrested if you come here again."
"I thought so, but I'll allow myself to be arrested if it means getting in contact with Ryuzaki. I'll stay here until you agree to take a message to him."
"What?"
Light took a letter out of his coat pocket and handed it to Mogi. "Promise you'll give this to Ryuzaki, and I won't return here to cause a scene. Do you promise?"
"After it is sent to forensics, I will be sure Ryuzaki sees a photocopy of it."
With that Mogi turned and went back inside. Light had a momentary urge to try to suddenly dash in after him, but he knew it was futile. There were too many security points for a strategy like that to work. Getting past one security point was useless.
Light's very first class contained two surprises. First, there was Takada, sitting there toward the front of the room when Light arrived. Light tried to avoid her and find a seat quietly, but he was already attracting attention and Takada quickly turned her head toward the rising volume of voices. Her eyes went wide and she jumped up from her seat to make her way to the back of the room.
Light wondered at the strange coincidence. Had it truly happened by accident, or had L or N somehow arranged it?
L knows that Takada is one of the many girls I suddenly started dating right after the second Kira sent a video trying to conceal that the first and second Kira had met. When L investigated all my new girlfriends under the assumption that I was Kira and someone I had recently met was the second Kira, and that it had to be a girlfriend since I was trying so hard to use the camouflage of dating many girls, then L found physical evidence proving Misa sent the second Kira's videos. L must think it possible that one of the other girls had some connection to Kira, and he must have noticed that Takada is a Kira supporter. Even if N is now the one conducting the investigation, N has access to all of L's data and deductions.
Takada pushed her way through the knot of students who had gathered around Light and were asking questions he was trying to deflect or ignore.
Takada said, "Light, what happened to you? Everyone said you eloped with Misa or something like that, but the tabloids only said that Misa claimed she had a boyfriend, not who he was."
Everyone is looking at me and waiting for an answer.
Light said, "Misa was a mistake. I dumped her, however she thinks she's still my girlfriend even though I have told her she isn't many times."
There was a rising babble of voices around as everyone spoke at once.
"Wow!"
"Light Yagami is able to turn down that kind of woman?"
"If Light doesn't want Misa, I do."
"How can anyone not like Misa-Misa?"
"I don't get it."
"If Light is a free man, I want him."
"But Misa's so cute. Did Light find someone even better?"
Takada said, "I knew Misa was too silly and undignified for you. So, you're currently unattached?"
Light said, "I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, but my heart already belongs to someone."
Takada's face lit up.
Not you, you idiot.
Takada said, "Light, you're still interested in Kira, aren't you? Would you like to join the Kira club on campus? We track Kira's killings and collect articles about him and discuss his philosophy, and we even develop theories about who he might be. It's a shame Kira is taking a break, but hopefully he'll be back soon and the crime rate will go down again. Don't you agree it's a better world with Kira?"
Light said, "It's true I was collecting information about Kira and hoping to solve the case, as a hobby, but I'm tired of that now, Takada. I think Kira's plan was brilliant, but it never would have worked for more than a year or two. It would be nice if a supernatural being judged criminals and stopped crime, but Kira clearly relied on the media for information and had many other limitations. If Kira could know about crimes the instant they happened, whether the criminals were found by the police or not, Kira's plan would work better, but the plain truth is that Kira isn't powerful enough to rule the world like a god should."
Also, my mind was being warped too much by the killings. My judgment was slipping, and if I'd taken the next step of killing someone I actually knew, I would have been damaged too much. That path only leads to a poorly-managed Kira plan and my eventual death. I'm sure at some point I would have had to kill my father as well. He's one of the things in my life that anchors me to reality and lets me see what true justice should be. The strain of killing those I knew and eventually my own father, it would have destroyed me.
Takada said, "But criminals need to be punished!"
This is the kind of idiocy a Kira-ruled world would have created. Maybe the Kira plan would have been possible if people in general weren't so mindless and had a better understanding of things.
Light said, "Of course criminals should be punished. There is a system of laws and courts and the police already in place to do that. If you think the current system doesn't punish harshly enough, you are perfectly free to vote for certain politicians and campaign for laws to be put in place so that the death penalty will be used for most major crimes. Laws of that sort would have the exact same effect as Kira does, but they would be established by the will of the people, not by a killer nobody can find or check up on."
There was a rising babble of arguments among the students surrounding Light. Takada got caught up in defending Kira but Light ignored everyone and made his way to his seat, making sure to sit far away from the seat where Takada had left her coat so he didn't give her the wrong impression.
The second surprise in Light's first class was most definitely not a coincidence.
Aiber walked into the room, wearing a very nice suit. He said, "I know most of you were expecting Professor Kondo. She was rewarded for her hard work and has gone on an unexpected sabbatical for the year. I am Professor Tailor and I will be teaching this class for the entire term."
Light watched closely. Aiber did not show any sign of recognition, not even the tiniest flickering glance in Light's direction. He was a complete professional, his act flawless. His smile and everything he said was charismatic, and Light could see the students quickly warming to him.
The only question is whether Aiber is working for L or for N. Aiber said he wouldn't work for N, only for L, so unless Aiber was lying, L is still investigating me. However, N could be trying to give me the impression that L is still involved. Using Aiber is a deliberate move, in any case. Even if I had not found that camera in my room, I am being told very plainly that I am being watched.
Light waited out the rest of the class, not taking notes since the introductory material was so simple, but instead composing a short note to L in his head and then writing it down once he thought he had the perfect level of sappiness in it:
My sweet sugar-loving darling,
I wish I could hold you in my arms and feed you strawberries, then kiss you and taste the strawberries on your lips.
I can't stop thinking of you. My body burns for you, my mind aches for you. I miss you so much I want to cry.
My life will never be worthwhile until you are back in it. We could do so much together.
Your boyfriend forever,
Light Yagami
Light smiled to himself as he re-read the note. It was perfect, completely over the top. Everything about it screamed "lovesick moron" and that made it the perfect bait. L would eventually find himself with no real avenue of investigation left except to exploit those feelings, and he'd have to do that in person.
When the class was over, Light made his way to the front of the room, pushed past the other students who were trying to talk to Aiber and said, "Professor Tailor, I believe we have a mutual friend that I'm having trouble getting in contact with. Could you give him this note?"
Before Aiber could react, Light grabbed Aiber's hand in a quick, smooth movement and pressed the folded piece of paper into it.
Aiber smiled and said, "Of course. I believe you are Chief Yagami's son, is that correct?"
"Yes. I'm Light Yagami."
"I will deliver this to our mutual friend personally, then. I know who you mean. He is elusive, isn't he?"
Light said, "Indeed. I've been unable to reach him for days."
Then Aiber became distracted by a student asking a question and Light slipped away. On his way to his next class, he couldn't help but notice someone following him who looked out of place, a tall guy in a trenchcoat, looking probably in his early thirties. By the afternoon, tall-trenchcoat-guy had been replaced by a stocky guy in a brown suit.
Whoever is investigating me, L or N or both, they are showing me that I'm being watched. I am meant to see these followers. They didn't even bother to pick ones who would look like students or professors. Probably there are more who are much better disguised that I haven't noticed yet. The plan is probably to wait until I give the slip to the obvious ones, and then have the non-obvious ones catch me doing something subversive when I think I'm unobserved.
It was almost a game from then on, picking out the spies, both hidden and obvious, and finding the listening devices and occasional cameras. If Light left his coat unattended, there was about a fifty percent chance it would have a bug on it when he returned. Sometimes he destroyed the bugs and cameras he found, other times he took them someplace private and murmured sweet nothings to L into them, or occasionally put on a display of masturbating while he talked about how much he wished it was L doing those things to him.
Light quickly depleted his money and had to stop sending gifts and flowers to headquarters. This was all according to plan, yet more proof for L that the love was real and strong, and that the only way to investigate would be to exploit that weakness. During that same time, the harassment attempts by Misa continued and she sometimes even showed up on campus and caused such a scene the police had to take her away.
The first time it happened, with Misa screaming at the top of her lungs and also using spray paint on everyone who came close, the crowd of students drawn to the event immediately started exclaiming in wonder about how Light was so attractive that a celebrity would stalk him. Normal people stalked celebrities, but for it to be the other way around, a celebrity stalking an ordinary person, Light had to be pretty special.
Light's popularity with the girls only increased after that. Takada and many others were constantly asking him on dates but he turned them all down. Dating could be used to make L jealous in the future, but the time for that hadn't come yet. It wasn't part of the "lovesick moron" plan. There were quite a number of things to try long before dating other people.
At first, Ryuk spent about one day out of every three hanging around in Light's vicinity, enjoying the freedom to depart and return whenever he wanted, but pretty soon Ryuk learned that not much was going on and reduced that time dramatically. Ryuk would just check in briefly, get Rem to give him a summary of what had been happening in his absence, and then if nothing were going on at the moment he'd quickly be flying off to find amusements elsewhere or perhaps to visit the shinigami realm. Light didn't ask.
When Ryuk did stick around for a few hours, he usually kept mentioning how boring it was without L as an opponent any longer, and without even being able to talk openly. Ryuk's restlessness made Light wonder, if he'd continued with the Kira plan and won against L, how long Ryuk would have remained satisfied with the boring administrative-type duties of ruling the world. After some years had passed, would Ryuk have decided there was no more entertainment, and killed just as he had promised in the beginning?
Light shivered in horror at the thought of it. Ryuk was so easygoing that it was sometimes difficult to remember that he was a remorseless killer of many humans, and that Ryuk thought nothing of dropping a death note in the human world, with all the destruction that could cause, for the mere sake of entertainment.
Light's mysterious absence was not as much of a problem to explain as he'd thought it would be. Light gave only a little information. Everyone believed what Light said, and it took barely any effort to deflect any real attempts to question or probe. It was easy to fall back into the game of acting like the popular guy everyone should envy, the one who had everything and was perfectly normal. Creating admiration and approval was simply a case of saying what people wanted to hear.
Light took up his old habits but drank in that admiration with less enthusiasm than before. The game was too simple. It was meaningless, but what else was there to do?
Everyone was too easy to fool. They were despicable. There was no reason to give respect to people like that. L had been the only one who was truly worthy. Sometimes L could be confused, occasionally even fooled, but it wasn't often and each victory was hard work. Victories against L were the only ones that meant something. Everyone else was barely worth interacting with.
Sometimes Light itched to get his hands on a death note again, to use that supernatural power on a large scale to try to force the world into being more reasonable. The world really was a rotten place, and it was sad there was nobody to clean it up. There were so many people who needed some sense knocked into them, by shock and fear if nothing else would work. It was frustrating to think of how stupid and corrupt most people were.
But then Light would remind himself of all the arguments he'd come up with for why the Kira plan or anything resembling it would never work, and why any attempt to make it work would completely ruin his life. Light was glad that the only death note remaining in the human world was in such a hard-to-reach place. It reduced the dangerous temptation that would sometimes come over him, when he would start imagining his utopia and plans would start popping into his mind of how he could try to get around the flaws that prevented the Kira plan from working.
No, the identity of Kira was dead to him now, and would stay that way. Even trying to go back to the Kira plan briefly would be extremely unpleasant and would involve killing his own father, L, the entire task force and also going into hiding to thwart N and whatever other minions L had given information to. It would be a life of probably running and hiding forever, completely alone, getting crazier and crazier. It was a terrifying fate to think about.
Two weeks after his last contact with L, Light decided on the next phase of his plan. He sought out Matsuda, following him and two of his friends from a distance to a bar, and then lurking in the back where Matsuda couldn't see him. Light waited until he thought Matsuda was drunk enough to be at least a little bit loose about secrets. Matsuda's two friends had also abandoned him by that point, going off with girls they'd picked up, and Matsuda was apparently having no luck with the ladies.
Light slipped into a seat behind Matsuda while he was looking the other way. When Matsuda turned around, he looked surprised, dismayed and happy all at once.
Light said, "Matsuda, it's good to see you!"
Matsuda smiled his trademark little dopey smile at that statement and leaned his face to the side, his neck and shoulders following until he was resting the side of his head on the table. Suddenly he looked very serious and solemn and said, "Light, we're not supposed to talk to you. Maybe you should go."
Light said, "Nonsense. This is just a friendly chat. We're friends, aren't we?"
Matsuda smiled at that, a broad, giddy grin, and Light had the feeling he was going to obtain a lot of information.
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Fever Dreams