Zoro Learns Some Manners

…so I’m just borrowing them for the sake of Yaoi. Once I’m done then I promise to wipe them off and give them back ;) Any resemblance to real people is coincidental - these characters are pure fantasy!


Warning: contains a lot of very strong language and steamy Yaoi / boysecks (Zoro x Sanji).


I have to dedicate the end of this story to Mishagirl because her encouragement and enthusiasm helped me to get my confidence up enough to keep writing *huggles* Without her, this would be a one-shot!

Once again, thanks to everyone for reading XD


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EPILOGUE:

- Nakama -


Luffy chuckled and rubbed his hands together with glee.


Finally!


He had been surprised at how easy it was to talk Nami into going ashore, though. He thought it was the weather, but she had been acting weird… er. Maybe she had her lady-thing-that-made-her-very-touchy-and-be-careful-you-idiot; Zoro had told him all about that one day after he had nearly died. Nami was so much fun! If he could survive that then he would be Pirate King EASY.


It had taken them long enough, although he knew they would get there eventually. Zoro and Sanji might be idiots, but they weren’t that stupid.


It was kind of distracting though. They were kind of loud and shouty before. Now they kept going quiet. It drove him mad with curiosity, and Zoro always hit him when he peeked. So mean!


Luffy put his feet up on the table. Sanji would be busy for a while so he could do whatever he liked! Robin chuckled from under her newspaper as he stretched across the galley and claimed the leftover roast from lunch. Sanji never left meat out before. This was getting better all the time!


“Oi! Get your legs off the table. And put that down!!!” A smoky haze made it clear that the cook would not, in fact, be busy for a while at all.


The Captain’s head snapped around and he fell off his chair in a pile of limbs, somehow managing to eat the last of the roast on the way to the floor.


“What, this?” he grinned up impishly from the carnage, holding a gleaming bone.


Usopp sighed and started to rake up his Tabasco powder. Now that Luffy had woken up, it was better out of the way. Such a deadly weapon would surely be enough to kill everyone in the room, if the Captain made too drastic a false move…


And the odds of that were, well… pretty damn high.


“What is it, Sanji-kun?” Nami asked the hesitating cook. He was hovering in the doorway with a funny look on his face and he was turning pink.


What was going on here, then?


“Ah, my sweet Mellorine, I just… had to… well… that is… that we are… well, in a way… as if… umm….” He looked at his shoes, appearing to all the world to be considering stomping through the deck to hide in the cargo hold under an empty sack.


“Yes, what is it…?” Nami leaned forward and stretched her fingers out across the bench seat. A gentle hand clasped her own and Robin smiled and squeezed her fingers. Was he about to…?


“”Sanji! Are you ok? You look like you are running a fever! I should examine you immediately!” Chopper squeaked. Sanji went one shade more red, if that was possible.


“No… I’m fine,” his hair was so far over his face that there wasn’t even one eye visible. The pink flush had deepened to a blazing crimson. “…there’s just something that I have to say…”


Nami saw Robin turn her head ever so slightly, inclining her chin towards the port-hole. Good question. Where was Zoro? Was he outside listening? Was that what Robin was hinting at? It was a bit harsh of him to leave Sanji to do the dirty work. Or maybe the cook had his own plans... He had to be doing something, the idiot was almost purple.


Suddenly, Sanji dropped to his knees and seized Nami’s other hand with his warm palm.


“Please forgive me, my sweets! I can no longer flatter you with the lie that my heart belongs only to you! I have deceived you so terribly! But I cannot hide my heart’s true intentions! I know that your hearts have been broken and now I shatter them with my falsehood, and my lies. I never wished to hurt you, sweet, delicate ladies. Please, please forgive me!”


His eyes were wide and he was close to tears as he clasped the redhead’s hand to his chest.


“It’s alright Sanji… I understand.” Nami said; her calm, clear glaze soothing the cook.


She held up her other hand, fingers interlaced with Robin’s. The elegant woman slid across the seat and wrapped one arm around the slender waist of the navigator. She smiled and kissed her on the cheek. The navigator repeated,


“I understand.”


Sanji smiled, his Mellorine was so un… der… st… slowly his brain melted. Then it was reformed using parts entirely made from pervert.


Somewhere out of the haze a sweet voice floated out to him,


“So you and Zoro are really a …couple? …Sanji!?”


“Hai… Nami-swan… we are… M…m…me…llllll….” Sanji collapsed in a pile on the floor and began to haemorrhage blood, drool, and hearts in equal portions.


“They… rea… ly… ar…” Nami’s eyes fluttered and Robin caught her as she pitched to the ground, and began to exhibit all of the cook’s symptoms, except with berri symbols replacing the hearts.


Luffy roared with laughter and clapped his feet.


Usopp stared at the floor, at Robin, at the door, and then at Luffy.


“Ah… clearly this has all been obvious to Captain Usopp for quite some time…” He mumbled, sounding unconvinced, and hence utterly unconvincing.


“Sanji! Nami!!!” Chopper squeaked, and then ran full pelt at his nakama and began to pinch their noses and try to calm them.


A dark shadow fell over the cook and the navigator, as they lay twitching on the floor. All eyes turned to the swordsman. He lounged in the doorway, taking in all the chaos in the galley.


He looked down at his prostrate lover and his kind-of-dear-if-slightly-psychotic navigator. He took in the Captain’s ecstatic grin, Chopper’s concern, and Usopp’s slightly glazed puzzlement. Finally, he turned to Robin. Wonderful, sensible, Robin.


“So, they both know then.”


He stepped over the bodies, nudged Nami with his foot, and then grimaced and wiped the blood off his shoe onto the back of his other trouser leg. He rolled his eyes dramatically and stifled a smile. The idiot had finally given her a nosebleed, and he was too busy having an ero-fit to even notice.


“Ah yes, swordsman-san. They know.” Robin replied; and she smiled. This time, she really damned smiled.


And damned if he didn’t smile back. It was all the stupid cook’s fault.


“Did you hear that, Luffy? You paying attention?” Usopp asked, as the confusion slowly cleared.


“I heard!” Luffy laughed and rocked back on his chair again, hovering on the critical point of balance waving his arms comically for a moment before landing back safely.


“Well???” Usopp stared at the Captain, wide-eyed. Surely he had some kind of opinion on this. He didn’t know what, but something!


“I don’t mind.” Luffy shrugged and went back to poking Nami and Sanji in turns with his toe and giggling.


The last dregs of haze cleared and Usopp’s champion brain was once again fighting fit.


“YOU KNEW!!!” He shouted, pointing accusingly at Luffy, who laughed even harder.


“Zoro and Sanji…” a tiny voice floated up from the floor. Chopper turned around slowly to reveal eyes burning bright with stars of hope and pure childlike joy,


“Think of the babies they’d have! SUGOI!!!”


Luffy fell off his chair again.


This time, he was down for the count.


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- Sanji -


The cook kicked in the galley door. Normally he’d have more respect for the work of his long-suffering marksman, but this was an emergency. A horrid acrid, burning smell assaulted his nostrils. Smoke spiralled up from the stove and every dish that he owned was covered in disgusting black muck.


And in the middle of it; there was Zoro.


In an apron. A frilly pink apron.


Sanji’s only apron.


He looked ridiculous.


“Laugh, and it’s the last thing you ever fucking do.”


The suddenly-black eyes flashed with danger and malice. The blonde could feel the adrenaline rushing, thick, through his veins as the killing aura enveloped him.


Heck, he’d die happy.


Sanji laughed his ass off.


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- Zoro -


“Don’t just fucking sit there! Do something!”


“Of course, sweetie.” Zoro smiled up at the irate blonde. His hair was all messy and his face was red from shouting. He was so damn cute.


“Don’t sweetie me, asshole! I’m sick of you just… just…” Sanji’s eyebrow quivered with suppressed violence. Zoro looked up at him and smiled again. Sanji’s knuckles went just a little more white.


The swordsman had gotten so much better at this, and it was a treat. Being rude was all very well and good, but manners had their advantages it seemed…


“Just what?” Calm and level with just a hint of patronising. Perfect.


Sanji had been trying to get him riled up for a fight for at least an hour now and had only succeeded in making himself absolutely livid. Zoro figured he’d leave him another ten minutes and then finally bite. He didn’t want his lover to die of a heart attack.


He was spectacularly good in bed, after all.


“Just being… so…” Sanji made a choking noise and lit yet another cigarette.


Maybe another ten minutes would be too much.


Zoro stood up slowly and moved closer until he was only an inch away from Sanji’s pinched face. He let all his sadism show in a wicked smile. He loved to torture the blonde. It was so much fun.


“So what, asshole?” Zoro growled.


All of the rage left Sanji’s face. He grinned like an idiot and then kicked Zoro square in the side of the head, flexible as ever. The swordsman took the hit and just grinned a little wider.


“You do that just to piss me off?” Sanji’s asked.


“I’m just trying to be polite” Zoro’s mouth said.


His eyes, however, said ‘so what if I do, sweetheart?’


“You really make me wonder why I love you sometimes, baka.”


Zoro leaned in and brushed his lips against the soft, soft lips of his sexy, grumpy, cook. He loved him like he was the only thing in the whole damn Grand Line. He had thought they could have a decent spar first …but sometimes things didn’t go according to plan.


He let his gaze sweep up the long, deadly legs, the perfect toned abs, the gorgeous collarbones, and the clear-as-hell-beautiful-blue eyes.


“You want me to remind you?” he growled.


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THE END!