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Annals of Fear II	By : DeathNoteFangirl Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male > Mello/Matt Views: 5803 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 21
- 22
- 23
Kiana and Fenian grew silent, as Mello drew level with them.    Century had broken away, upon his approach, and hurried off to his own chalet.   Mello glanced back to find Matt following, but at his own slow pace.    Mello inclined his head at Kiana. An old-fashioned show of chivalry, though nothing else much worked on the battle-axe.    Her arm was already looped around Fenian's, but now she wove her fingers between his and held his hand tightly too.   Mello ignored the implied protectiveness. He'd had it with trying to reason with them.

"How's Dee?"   Mello asked instead.

Kiana shook her head, "She's not come out of the bathroom since you all left.    The shower was on for most of it, but it's been off a while.   She won't come out."

"Hal's with her?"

"She's outside the door."

Matt had finally caught up, so Mello reached out for his hand and held it.   Two could play the 'don't hurt my lover' game.   "Has she said anything else about what happened?"

Kiana shook her head. "No."   Then considered it.   "Unless she's talking to Hal right now."

"Ok." Mello led Matt through the still open doorway.   The inside of Deontic's chalet was freezing now.   He turned to close the door after Matt, but Kiana and Fenian hurried in too.    It was closed behind them.

Hal cast him a withering look; her tone half statement, half weak accusation, "You didn't answer my calls."

Mello nodded agreement, "You were going to tell me to stop being a vigilante twat and get my renegade ass back here.   I was going to tell you no.   We would have had a row and it would have ended in tears." He shrugged.   "I found the ringing too distracting, so I muted my cell 'phone."   She was still looking at him.    "What do you want me to say?   I was already in three arguments.   I'm going to have to find space in my diary to fit in a fourth.   You can't expect me to multi-task. I'm only a weak and feeble man, remember."    He watched her smile faintly, despite herself and the circumstances, and knew that he'd won.   He nodded towards the doorway behind her.   "How's Deontic?"

Hal hesitated, "She's just sorting herself out."   She flashed a look around the room. "I don't think that she's going to want an audience, when she does come out.   Let me wait on.   The rest of you carry on."

Kiana agreed, "Liam, I'll wait with Hal."   She kissed him, in obvious dismissal.

Before anyone could move, there was an audible click, as the bathroom door was unlocked from within.   They all froze in the instant before it was opened, as if assessing with a split second window for action, whether they could justify being there.   Deontic appeared, looking scrubbed red raw, walking with rigid dignity into the room.   Her coat was gone, but the rest of her clothing had been cleaned as best she could.   Her torn skirt had a neat row of new stitching, tacking up the gash.   It covered up the grazes on her legs.   The one on her head was clean, but angrily gaping.   She clutched a ball of bloodied tissue paper to stem the flow.

"Oh, Deontic," Hal began, reaching to put her arm around the young woman. "I..."   But Deontic moved away, crossing to her wardrobe to take out a thick cardigan.   It was wrapped around herself, crossing over the front, as tightly as she could hold it. "Let us look at your wounds, at least."

"I wasn't raped."   Deontic declared, with her back to them all.   Her voice was strong, but numb.

Kiana sighed, "That's something at least."   She watched Deontic press the tissue against her forehead, still not facing them. "I have something that will really ease your cuts and bruises.   May I....?"

"I just wanted you to know that I wasn't raped."

Hal smiled, "We understand that, Dee.   It's ok."

"So you can leave now."

An awkward silence filled the room.   Fenian put his hand on the latch.   "Ki, I'll be next door.   Call me if I can do anything."

Mello cleared his throat.   He didn't need to cough, it was only to gain everyone's attention.   "What Pek Wan isn't saying is that she kicked the asses of four men and sent them home crying to mama."   He smiled, at Hal and Kiana's confusion.   Deontic turned her head to look at him.    He and Matt could see how much her fragile display of strength was costing her, though no-one else could from their positions.   It was in her eyes.    "My sister might be five foot nothing, but her Capoeira skills are not something that you want to meet on a dark night in Aberystwyth.    Four men thought they could take her.   By all the saints above, they learned otherwise tonight.   Didn't they, Pek Wan?"

She gave a shudder and her demeanour crumpled.   She gasped, trying to gulp back her tears.   Hal and Kiana both moved towards her, but so did Mello.   He let go of Matt's hand and vaulted the bed to her side.   Hal touched her back and Kiana waited three paces behind, but Mello held her in his arms and Deontic let him.    "Mello. They...." But she couldn't finish her sentence, the sorrow hardening in her throat and choking her vocal chords.   She clung to him and he stood, rocking with her, making hushing noises of reassurance.

Hal sighed, then went to inspect the bathroom.   She busied herself scraping the mud off Deontic's coat, then washing it in the shower.   Kiana stood uncomfortably by, her first aid kit in her hand.    Fenian lingered by the door, feeling like a spare part, but loathe to leave, when Deontic seemed on the verge of talking.   Matt just leaned against the far wall and played his PSP on mute. Deontic sobbed herself hoarse in Mello's arms.   He let her.   Taking his hand from her back only long enough to receive a wad of tissues, when Kiana fetched some for her.   "Here you are, Pek Wan." He passed them into her hand.

"I feel so stupid." Deontic breathed. "I just..." She shook her head and pulled away to blow her nose.

Fenian spoke up, "You're not stupid, Dee.   You were, what?   Five places above me?   And I'm not fucking stupid."

"I was stupid tonight!" Deontic rasped, emphatically, furious with herself.   "I saw them. The signs were all there. Statistically, I..."

"Fuck statistically." Fenian dismissed it with a sharp gesture.   "They were arsewipes and they shouldn't have laid a finger on you.   Whatever you did or didn't do doesn't make a blind bit of fucking difference.   They had no fucking right."

Deontic exhaled.   Three short, angry pants, trying to marshall her thoughts and her words into coherency.   "I shouldn't have gone up there! I shouldn't have walked past them and gone up there!   I shouldn't have spoken to them!"

"Dee." Fenian snapped.   "Look at me."    She couldn't.   She couldn't look at anyone.   "It doesn't matter if you walked naked into their midst and did a fucking lap dance.   If you say no," Fenian shook his head, spluttering over his words in his zest to get them out, "In fact if you don't want any fucker to touch you, then they haven't got a fucking right to even step into your personal space.    Zilch, nothing, nada.   You got that?"    She was weeping anew, her face buried in tissues, her shoulders heaving beneath Mello's arms.   "No fucking gentleman would do that.   No man worth his fucking balls would do that.   They're just the scum off the bastard urinals in a public piss-hole.   Lowest of the fucking low.   A woman says no and you stop. You stop right there.   Doesn't matter if it's all the way in and heading for fucking glory, the second she says no, you get it out and walk away.   These two will agree with me; even if it's the only thing we've ever fucking agreed on in our lives.   Won't you?"

Mello nodded, "It's all true."

There was a pause, then Matt added, "Yep."   He didn't look up from his game.   No-one expected him to.

Fenian hadn't finished.   "So don't come here with your 'I'm so stupid' and 'I was asking for it', because you fucking well weren't." He listened to her sniff.   "Did you ask them to cut your fucking head open for you?   I'm guessing no.   Did you invite them to come on over and ruin your pretty skirt, dress, skirt...?"

"Skirt." Kiana clarified. "And I think she gets the message now, Liam."   She smiled fondly at him.   "Is tú mo ghrá."

He softened and smiled back at her.   Then returned his attention to Deontic, "Dee, do you want me to fuck off or stick around? I'm easy. I just want what you want and for you to be ok."

Deontic wiped her eyes again and raised her head.   "Oh no, Mello, I've got blood and," she shook her head, "stuff all over your jacket."

Mello shrugged, "So what? I own a washing machine."

She looked from him to Fenian and back.   Then asked meekly, "Did you find them?"

Mello shook his head, "Not this time, but we will."

"And we'll teach the fucking toerags some fucking manners with the ladies."   Fenian assured her.

Mello smiled, "You have my promise on that."

Deontic bowed her head, hunting through the tissues for a relatively clean and dry one.   Kiana hurried into the bathroom to fetch her some more.   Deontic nodded her thanks.   "I'm not sure now that it was right, sending you after them.    I need..." She blinked away fresh tears. "I need some time to think about it."

"That's fine." Mello replied smoothly.    He guided her down to sit on the bed, himself beside her.   "Alright?" He asked, when they were both settled. "You know you're safe with me.   Raving, flaming, queer as fuck."   Behind him, Fenian frowned at the suggestion that his own heterosexuality made him an automatic threat to her, but he held his tongue.   Mello helped Deontic sort through tissues and shoved the soiled ones onto the bedside cabinet.   "We're all good.   So will you let me look at the cut on your head?"

As soon as Deontic nodded, Kiana moved in.   She didn't give Mello a chance to deal with the injuries, trusting her own expertise over his.    She inspected the cut and swabbed it with anti-septic.   "It might use one stitch, but you could get away with it."

"I don't want to go back out." Deontic moaned. "I really don't."   Mello rubbed her arm and she attempted a wan smile.   "Thank you all for looking out for me.   I..." She stopped, blinking.

Mello handed her another clean tissue from the stack on his lap.   "Of course we look out for you."   He said it like it was obvious, though nothing in their history supported the statement.   They had assisted each other in the past year, but only when the threat was shared.   "And we all went.   Me, Mail, Fenian and Century.   Just so you know."

"Thank you." Deontic sniffed. "Fenian. Matt. You too. Thank you."

Fenian nodded from by the door.   "You're welcome."    Matt didn't say a thing.    Silence descended, masked only by Kiana's murmurings of medical communication, explaining what she was doing as she did it, and the hissing of the shower over Hal's ferocious scrubbing in the bathroom.   Fenian waited for a few minutes before asking, "So, what the fuck happened then?"

Kiana gave him an exasperated look, but Deontic straightened, lifting her head from Mello's shoulder.   "I got the call that Mail was safe."   She stopped to blow her nose again. Behind them, Matt looked up from his game, a pensive expression on his face as he surveyed their backs.

Mello nodded, rubbing her back, "You see. You went out for Mail, yet you're surprised when we go out for you."

Deontic shook her head in agitation, "Yes, but Mail is..." She floundered.   "Mail is... Mail is..." And sighed. "Mail's..."

"Devastatingly gorgeous with a cute, tight ass?" Mello supplied, helpfully.

"No." Deontic frowned.

"I disagree." Mello smiled. "Though I concede that I might be biased."

Deontic looked impatient, "Mail is..."

"A pain in the ass.   But really good with computers." Hal finished, emerging from the bathroom.   "I've done my best with your coat and it's up to dry."

"Thank you."   Deontic bit her lip.   "Mail is..."

"A..." Fenian started, but Kiana glared at him and Deontic sighed in annoyance.

"Will you stop interrupting me please?   I nearly had it."   Deontic covered her mouth with her hand. "My mind is such a mess at the moment. I'm not normally like this.   I'm just in bits."    There were murmurs of reassurance around the room.   She closed her eyes.   "Mail is like a cross between a sociopath and a little, boy lost. You don't know what he might do.   Or how badly he might hurt himself or...."   She petered off, exhaling loudly, then opening her eyes to blow her nose.   "You have to go after him. He's...."

A soft voice came from the vicinity of the back wall, "... in the room, letting you cuddle his husband?"

Even Mello was holding his breath, his arm still around Deontic, as he tried to work out how to react.   Kiana had frozen in the act of rubbing green cream into a graze on Deontic's knee.   She and Fenian were both looking cautiously from Matt to Mello and Deontic, like watching an impending train crash. Hal was trying to move closer to the bed with making it seem obvious.   Deontic seemed oblivious to it all.   She replied shortly, "I know you're here, Mail.   I'm one of two people in the world, who are firmly entrenched in the habit of knowing where you are and what you're up to. Because I spent a huge and highly significant portion of my life trying to be there first and get up to it better!"

There was a pause. "'kay."   It seemed that everyone released a breath at the same time.   Matt was still staring at the back of her head; though Mello had now turned around to try and read his husband's body language, while grimacing a reassuring, supportive smile.   Matt ignored him.   "So this happened to you because you went out to find me?"   His question hung for an eternity in the air.   Mello took his arm from around her and twisted around, with the obvious intention of crawling across the bed to his husband.   But Matt waved him back.   "Deontic?"

When she didn't answer, Mello patted the bed behind them.   "Mail, come here."

"It's ok, Mello."   Matt replied.

"I wasn't asking, I was telling. Come here."   He slapped the bed again.

Matt wrinkled his nose. "Deontic might not want me traipsing all over her bed."

Deontic's sniffs grew into quiet weeping, half-hidden beneath her raised forearm and a disintegrating tissue.   Hal looked pointedly from Mello to Matt.   "Can you pair please go and drama queen somewhere else please?"   She met Mello's look of indignation with a raised finger.   "This isn't about you.   Go to bed. Eat your pizza and go to bed."

Mello glanced back at Matt, then pulled Deontic in and cuddled her with both arms.   He kept a close eye on his husband over her head.   Deontic made a play for self-control and managed a semblance of it.   "Mail, I don't want to answer your question, because you will take it personally."   She took a clean tissue from Mello's lap and dabbed at her eyes.   "And I've seen what happens when you take things personally."

Matt's expression was utterly blank and his body language gave nothing away.   By the door, Fenian's own features were creased into a beaming grin.    "Deontic, you are my new heroine. Just so you..."

"Liam, please."   Kiana sighed, while Mello cast him a waring glare. Kiana stood back.   "I've dealt with all the wounds that I can see.   If there are any more that I can't, do you want to come into the bathroom for me to see to them or...?"

Deontic rapidly shook her head.   "No. Thank you." She put on her glasses and glanced from Hal to Mello, then shifted stiffly around to face Matt.   "I don't want to start a situation."   She sniffed.   "I'm sorry I said anything.   Just can we....?"

Matt nodded, "No worries."   As punctuation, he unpaused his game and carried on playing.

"Damn!" Deontic snapped.   "Look, I know I'm in shock.   I know that my emotions are all over the place and my mind is sluggish, because I'm in shock.   I'm not meaning half that I say.   I'm a state. The last thing that I'm equipped for right now is another Wammy House feud."   Her glasses were misting with the tears behind them.

Matt didn't look up from his game.   "Tell her it's alright, Mello."

"There you go." Mello smiled, a past master at keeping his own uncertainty from his features.    "He's fine."   He stroked past her hair, then stopped when he saw her head wound.   "Wow! That's really gone down.   How did...?"   His gaze fell upon the pot of green goo that Kiana had kept trying to give to Matt.    "What's in that?"

"Arnica, comfrey root..."

"Arnica." Mello had heard of that.   They went through gallons of the stuff in their house.   "Mail, come round here and now it really is an order."

Deontic looked up again. "I feel really overwhelmed.   That is shock, isn't it?" She stared at her hands. "Oh gosh. I'm really trembling and coming out with stupid things and..."

Kiana moved forward, to allow Matt to encircle her with a wide berth, "Liam, go and get that bottle of brandy from our chalet.   If anyone needs a fucking tot, she does."   Fenian nodded and left the door wide open, while he dashed next door.   Kiana rolled her eyes and went to shut it. "He never feels the cold like normal human beings.   Too much time spent climbing down holes."

"I'm really shaking." Deontic quivered.   Mello squeezed with the arm around her, while pointing to the floor at his feet for Matt to kneel. "And I can't have another anti-depressant for another ten hours.   Oh gosh. Oh no."

Hal moved closer, stepping around Matt.   "Deontic, do you want to go home.   I can arrange that.   We can fly you out or get someone to drive you home.   It's not a problem."   She glanced up as Fenian returned with the brandy and the door was closed shut.   Kiana took it from him, but she was frowning, since hearing about the medication.   "You can make any statements back at Wammy's House if you like."

"To whom?"   Mello asked mildly.   His glove was lying with Matt's goggles on the pillow behind him and he was liberally smearing the green ointment over his husband's face.   "You keep missing the whole point of our glorious constitution, Hal.   In part, it's to provide us with somewhere to report things to, because how does she go to the Aberystwyth nick?   They have a nasty habit of asking your name, address, occupation, things like that. Not to mention the cross examination in court.   Bit tricky when your whole life is part of a privateer's Official Secrets' Act."

Hal replied, equally mildly, "When I've got a glorious constitution, then I'll be thrilled to use it.   Until then, it's Near.   And don't look at me like that, Mello."

Mello returned his attention to Matt's face.   "Deontic is making her statement. Right now.   Three of us hearing it.   Number four fucking his jailbait two chalets down."

There had been some whispered conversation by the front door, but Fenian turned from it to address those by the bed. "I was about to go, because Deontic doesn't need us crowding her.   It's gone a bit fucking carnival in here and it's not fair on the woman."   He paused, waiting for interjection. None came.   "Am I to stay to hear a statement?"

Deontic had been staring past Hal, at the wall, without really seeing it.   She spoke distantly now, breathlessly, "They're going to get away with it.    I hadn't thought..."   She blinked.   "I mean, I knew, but...."   She gazed plaintively at Hal.   "I hadn't thought."

"They aren't going to get away with it.   I made you a promise earlier."    Mello finished plastering Matt and inspected his handiwork.   "Keep away from mirrors for a few minutes and you'll be fine."    He smirked at Matt's narrowed eyes.   "It sinks in.   I watched Deontic's skin absorb it."

Deontic was panting beside him.   "But Mello, I said I'd think about it.   I don't know."

Mello nodded.   "The 'think about it' only determined whether you found out about it or not.   It's going to happen regardless." He gave her his most beatific smile.   "Now stop over-breathing, you're going to hyperventilate.   And let's have a natural break in the conversation, so that Kiana can check that your anti-depressants are fine with alcohol.   She's been waiting to ask for ages."

"I don't know."   Deontic gasped.   "They're in my handbag."    A new horror dawned upon her features.    "Oh shit. My handbag.   I dropped it!"    Dismay pulled her upright, out of Mello's arms and ultimately onto her feet.    "My cards.   My purse. My..."   She shrieked.   "Alamak! Please no!"   She rushed to her wardrobe and yanked out her suitcase.   "Please! Please! Please!"    It was devoid of clothes and personal effects, as they had been tidied away on hangers and in drawers, but she frantically hunted through every pocket.    Tears streamed down her face, until, at last, she sat in a heap and simply wailed.

Hal dropped to the floor beside her, gathering her close and holding her.   "It might still be there.   Where did you drop it?"

"Aku telah kehilangan cincin nenekku. Oh, sila tidak. Harap tidak. Harap tidak."   Deontic gasped for breath.   "Nenek saya berdering!"   She was bordering upon hysterical.    Mello and Matt were both on their feet.   Matt had his car keys in his hand.   Kiana and Fenian had their hands on the door.    "Bagaimana aku bisa...?"   They had never seen such a thing, raised in a home where any hint of native language or culture was prohibited, for fear of them being traced.   Mello and Matt had seen Deontic cry at Lamond's funeral and in the manor house, just over two months ago.   But even they had never seen prim, self-contained, naturally emotionless Deontic quite like this.   She was howling, gushing into Hal's hair, "Aku lebih suka mereka bagiku daripada ini! Bagaimana mungkin aku menjatuhkan tasku?"

"Hush now. Hush."   Hal seemed shaken too.   "Just tell us where you dropped it.   It might still be there."

Fenian was ashen.   "Mello, do you speak Malay?"

Mello snapped out of his own watching stupor.   "Yeah."    They all looked at him, except for Deontic, who was inconsolable. His right hand gripped Matt's arm tightly; his left hand closed over his rosary. "She's lost her grandmother's rings.   They were in her handbag.   She dropped it escaping the men, but now would rather they had had her than this."

"Then where's the fucking handbag with the fucking rings in it?"

"Di mana anda kehilangan beg anda?" Mello asked, wincing at the rustiness of his own accent in Malay.

Deontic whipped around in shock, at hearing her language on his tongue.    She swayed, her sprawled legs barely taking her weight.   Hal steadied her and Deontic spluttered out, "Castle."

Fenian was out the door like a shot, with Kiana right behind him.   He yelled back, "Call me if there's more...." But the rest of his sentence was lost to the wind.

Mello was already over the bed, but Matt had had to pass Hal.    She had sprung away from Deontic, leaving the woman howling on the carpet, and Hal had Matt in a tight arm lock.     "Ah!"   Matt grunted and Mello turned at the door to see.

"... the fuck?!"    Mello stormed back.    "Let him..."    He dug at her elbow trying to loosen her grasp.    "Hal, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Keeping you here."   Hal countered, firmly.    "She's responding in Malay. Talk to her in Malay.   You and Matt were suicidal just a few hours ago. I'm supposed to be watching you.   And Matt's face is done up like the Incredible Hulk!"    She met his fierce glare with one of equal intensity.   "Fenian and Kiana have gone to retrieve it.   Search and rescue specialists deployed. Now if only we had a genius detective handy to uncover some clues to help them!"

Mello's voice dipped to a warning growl.   "Let my husband go. Right. Now."   The gun seemed to come from nowhere.   He didn't point it at her, but it was there in his hand.   "I'm not messing about here, Halle."

Hal refused to be intimidated.   "And neither am I.   I have a job to do.   That is protecting you lot.   I couldn't stop you leaving earlier, but Fenian and Century were with you, so it wasn't so bad.   You're not driving off alone."   The safety catch was withdrawn.   Mello's eyes were hard as diamonds.   "You know as well as I do that I'm not hurting Matt.   I'm restraining him. That's all, Mello.   Damn! But you over-react at times."

Deontic had backed up, right by the wall, pulling the suitcase with her.   She checked it over and over again, with a frenzied hope that she might have missed it.   She cried out suddenly, "It was by the public toilets.   In the trees. Diagonally across from the public toilets.   There was a foot high metal railing and soil behind it. Trees."

Not taking his eyes from Hal, Mello pulled out his 'phone and speed-dialled the Watari Network application. "Let him go, Halle. Last fucking warning."   He was connected.   "You're getting on my tits."   He found the 'F' avatar and dialled it.   "Hal. Now."

"All you have to do is to tell me that you're not going anywhere."

"Fenian. Mello.   There are public toilets in the castle.   Look for some trees, with a foot high metal railing and some soil."    He sneered at Hal.   "And leave this connection open, so we have communication both ways.   I'm staying with her to calm her down."   He watched Matt being released and reached out to pull his husband against himself.   "Yeah, keep me informed."   Mello found his bluetooth earpiece in his inner pocket and fitted it into his ear.   He slipped the 'phone back into his jeans pocket.   He mouthed to Matt, 'Mine', and smiled dangerously.    Then took his husband to Deontic's side.   "They're nearly at the castle, Pek Wan.   Come on, let's go through this step by step.   What happened?"

"You must think me so foolish."   Deontic blinked owlishly at him. "Mello, I really think I'm losing the plot here."

Mello shook his head. "Trust me. I've seen lost the plot and you're a long way from there."   He pushed the suitcase away and sat against the wall with her, pulling Matt down on his other side.   With an arm around each of them, he smiled.   "Isn't this cosy?" Though his smile collapsed into a scowl, as Hal appeared in front of him, bearing a glass of water for Deontic.   She sat down, across from him, her back against the bed, totally unfazed.    Mello listened to his ear-piece.   "Ok. Fenian's out of his Land Rover at the castle."

Deontic continued to weep quietly against his shoulder.   "I've told you my weaknesses." She gasped out, between sniffs.

"Have you?" Mello looked wryly at her.   "I really should pay more attention.   Do you mind repeating them?" She just cried more.   "Dee, you're alright.   I promise. What?"   The latter was into his earpiece.   A wide grin spread across his face.   Watching him, Hal's shoulders sank in relief.   "Pek Wan, Kiana is holding your handbag.   She's asking for..."   Deontic's shriek nearly deafened him.   "Fuck.   Yeah, she's happy."

"Woot." Matt smiled.

Deontic rose up, out of his arms, her hands pressed together in an attitude of prayer.   "Oh thank you!" Deontic exhaled, to no-one in particular that they could see.

"Dee, do you want Kiana to...?"

"Tell her to hurry back."   She stood, stepping over them to lock herself in the bathroom once more.

Mello watched her go.   "I'd just bring it back, if I was you.   She's a bit over-whelmed."   He nodded at Fenian's response. "Yeah. See you then."   Another thought occurred, "Fe..."   But the connection was gone.   Mello sighed.   "I need chocolate."

Hal nodded.   "I thought there was something wrong with this picture. I've never seen Matt go for so long without a cigarette nor you without chocolate."

Mello fixed her with a stare.   "You're a bitch, you know that?"

"Nope." Hal responded.   "Just someone who calls you on your shit and will protect you, even, as is usually the case, against yourself."   She shrugged.   "Or did you want another yes woman to manipulate?   Your choice, Mello."    She raised her voice. "Are you alright in there, Deontic?"

Matt took out his cigarettes and placed one hopefully between his lips.    He turned hound dog eyes onto Hal.   "Please may I go and have a cigarette?"

"I wish you'd just both go to bed."   Hal replied.   "You've been dealing with all of this and I know dang well that neither of you are doing well yourselves."   She watched Matt rise and saunter over to the door.   "How are you feeling?"

"You want the party line?"

"I want the truth."

Mello nodded.   He smiled at Matt, who had one arm and occasionally his face outside the door, while the rest of him remained just inside.   "Indescribable, Hal. Sorry."

"Try?"

Mello shook his head.   He indicated the bathroom door with a flicker of his hand. "Is someone staying with her tonight?"

Hal nodded.   "I will, if she wants me to.   If not, then I already said that I'd watch for you and Matt tonight.   I'll be up if she changes her mind."   He bowed his head.   She kicked his foot with her own.   He looked sharply up.   "Are we friends again now?"

"Just don't take the piss, Hal."   Mello frowned.   "You get far more leeway than just about anyone else in the world, except Mail.   But you push and push.   Don't do that, because you'll force my hand."   Their eyes met.   She didn't ask for clarification and he didn't give it.   "And 90% of the time, I value your friendship too much."   She nodded.    "I live in a hard world.   Both of us do.   You stand on the edge of it and sneer at the petty rivalries and tut over the learned behaviour, but you don't know it.   And this is my life."   He took a tissue and rubbed at the stains on his jacket left by Deontic bleeding, crying and dripping mucus all over it.   "Some of the things that you ask us to unlearn, it's like..." He wracked his brain for an analogy.   "It's like me asking you not to put your hand over your heart, when you hear the 'Star Spangled Banner'.    It's like me teasing you for thinking it's wrong to burn your flag."   He glanced up as Matt closed the front door and returned to him.   "It's like being told that the Declaration of Independence was a sham and that the United States Constitution is not only a tissue of lies, but it's bad for your health.   Now do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand."

"Do you?"

"Yes."   She switched her attention to Matt.   "That stuff is nearly gone now.   You do look less puffy."

Mello turned to his husband, reaching out to move Matt's head from side to side.     "Yeah. It does look better."    He finished with a kiss.   "Though it will take a lot more than a pot of green goo to stop you being a puff."   He winked and Matt smiled.   "Luckily for me." He stole another kiss.   "Te amo, mi cariño. Mi guapo. Mi hermoso pelirrojo."

"Volim te."

Hal stood.   "Fenian and Kiana are back."   She rapped on the bathroom door.   "Deontic, they're back."    She was halfway across the room to answer the front door, when it was knocked on.   Mello and Matt both looked up, onto the wall behind them.   They were satisfied to find a big mirror there.

Deontic emerged from the bathroom, as Fenian and Kiana were let in the front.   She took the bag proffered by Kiana. With hope starkly transparent on her newly washed face, Deontic dug inside.   She cried as her fingers closed around her treasure.   Mello touched his rosary in empathetic feeling.   The others just watched her with smiles on their faces.   "Thank you."   She told the ether.   Then rushed to the Irish couple again, hugging them each in turn, then both together.   "Thank you."

"Just glad you got it back." Fenian smiled. "Glad I could help."   Beside him, Kiana echoed the sentiment.

Deontic sat down on the end of her bed.   She held the tiny parcel in one hand.   It was two rings belonging to her grandmother, wrapped up in an old brown envelope.   She blinked rapidly.   "I am not going to cry anymore."   She declared, waving her free hand in warding against emotion.   But as others made to speak, she silenced them.   "I went out to look for Mail. We thought he had gone up the coast, so I was taking the road.   You have to go a long way around the Marina by car, but I thought that perhaps, on foot, there might be a shortcut, so I drove around it.    I was actually in Aberystwyth itself, when Hal gave the all clear.

"I had been trying to find the road that looped around the Marina.   I ended up, instead, on one that takes you right up to the gates of the castle.   It was open.   It's ruins, so no ticket booth.   It's totally free.    I thought that, while I'm here, I might as well have a look.   I parked up and started to walk towards the gates.   The white Punto was parked up there too.   The four men came up the hill behind me as I passed it.   They weren't in the car at the time.   They came from the town.   I heard one of them say something, but I didn't catch it.    I turned around and apologised.   I asked him to repeat it.   One of them came stomping right over and leaned right down into my face.   He smelt of lager.   I leaned back, away from him, but he was right in my face.   He called me a 'Chinky' and told me to, excuse my language, fuck off home."

Fenian shook his head. "Fucking arsehole."

Deontic didn't look at him or anyone. She told the table and the wall in her vision.   "I just kind of rolled my eyes at him.   I should have got back in my car.   I know.   I should have called somebody, but..."   She shrugged.   She didn't do any of those things.   It was too late to regret it now.   "I carried on walking through the gate.   There's a garden there.   Bedding plants and a children's playground.   There are banks lined with gravestones.   As if they are decoration.   I don't know.   I just glimpsed them. I was through the garden, alongside the public toilets, when I heard them walking up behind me.   They were calling me names.   Chinky and things in Welsh."   She swallowed. "Wog. Things like that.

"I didn't even turn back then.   There were pathways going off in all directions. One of them must have lead out. I could have circled around. But I could see patches of darkness and thought that we could lose each other.   It would be ok.   They were probably locals, just passing through on the way to another pub.   They sounded like Century.   So I just carried on walking. Then one of them grabbed me from behind.   I was so shocked. I didn't think that I would ever be that shocked.   I thought I would think, plan strategy, do something.   But I didn't.   I just blanked completely.   I think I screamed.   Yelled for help.   But another one was there too and he put his hand over my mouth.   I tried biting him and I think I did bite him.   They were laughing!

"I was carried! By two of them, over to the side of a wall.   I know this is stupid, but that was the first time that I realised that I was going to be raped.   It just hadn't occurred to me.   I was on the ground. On the wet grass and two of them had my arms above my head. One had my legs. And that's the first time it sank in what was going to happen to me.   Fourth in line for L and that was the moment it sank in.   I didn't know what to do.   Three of them holding me down.   One of them over me, pushing up my skirt, pulling down my..."   She bowed her head, her hand over her mouth.    Hal and Kiana moved as one to sit either side of her. Neither touched her, they were just there.   Fenian listened from the window sill; Matt and Mello from the floor.   Matt had switched off his game.   Deontic steadied her features against tears and carried on.   "You know, I thought about you, Mello."

There was a subdued silence from that bit of floor.   Then Mello whispered, warily, "Did you?"

"You in the window of the manor house with the candle lit.   The Gwrach-y-Rhibyn in between us.   But me knowing that if I just kept looking at you, I would get through. I'd make it. In these situations, you sink inside yourself and whatever will get you through..." Her lip quivered.   "You search your mind for whatever will get you through.   I thought of you and that candle.   I thought, that they can do what they want with my body, because I'm not there. And as long as I keep looking at Mello, I'm going to get through."   She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.   "But I was there and they were hurting me. And I opened my eyes and it was his eyes over mine.   Not yours. And I started yelling at him.

"I said to him, 'I am somebody's sister!   I am somebody's child! I am somebody's wife! I am somebody's mother!'   And then, because I knew that the rest were open to circumstances, but the last, I ran with it.   Everybody has a mother. You don't get born without a mother."   She was sounding quite fierce.   None of the orphans in the room said a word.   "So I kept on saying to him,   'I am somebody's mother!   I am your mother!'   And he called me filthy names, some in English, some in Welsh.   I couldn't tell the Welsh, but you can tell the tone.   I just went on, 'This could happen to your mother. You are doing it to somebody else's mother.   Think about your mother. I am your mother.'   And he couldn't get it up.   He kept trying and slapping me, but he couldn't get it up. And he didn't have a hand free to gag me, because he was trying not to get in the mud, so he had one hand on his trousers and one on the floor. But he couldn't get it up."

Matt softly replied, "I think that makes her third."

"Sssh, baby."

"And his friends were laughing at him.   He got off me and he was on the big, tarmac pathway, dancing around in his jeans, trying to pull them up. They were calling him names now.   The one on my legs let go.   I think it was his turn.   But my legs were free and I kicked up with all my might.   I got him under the chin, because he was squatting down, and he went out like a light.   The one on my left hand spat in my face, then he stood up and stamped his foot down on my head.   But my left hand was free.   I fought back and I was so angry. I was really, really blasted furious.   I knew that fury hinders your technique, but I couldn't find that calm place.   I saw red and they were still there.

"There were only two of them really close by.    I fought them.   I got away!   I had my bag then.   It had been on my shoulder all the time.   I tried to run back to my car, but my stockings were still down.   I didn't get far, then one had me around the waist and was dragging me back.   But he was just one.   I fought with him.   We ended up in those trees and I slipped on the mud there.   He kicked me loads of times and I got to my feet in the end and went for him.   I must have lost my bag then. I didn't even think. He was laughing at me.   There were only two by now, but they were playing cat and mouse with me.   They blocked off my exit to the car.

"I managed to get away, into the darkness, but my stockings are white and they showed up.    I hid behind a wall, meaning to take them off.   I meant to stay there, but I didn't see the one up on the wall until he said, 'Hey, Chinky whore' and he was right above me. I ran, but he landed on me and I kneed him hard in the nuts.   I ran into this central bit with standing stones and I looked for one to stand behind. I saw my hiding place.   I watched them for five minutes, as they searched for me.   They were leaping behind stones going, 'boo!'   They passed within a few feet of me and they didn't find me.   They looked right at me and they didn't find me.    And I was so scared when they'd gone and I had to find my way back to the car.   I hid in..."

Hal touched her hand and Deontic jumped.   Hal winced. "I'm sorry. Where did you hide in the central court? You weren't behind the standing stones."

Deontic nodded, "I stood behind the light.   There's big floodlights to illuminate the castle at night.   They're in the ground. I stood beside one, where it's pitch black.   They were searching the physical hiding places.   They never thought to look in the middle of the grass."   She glanced at Hal, as if seeking approval.   Hal just nodded, speechless.    "I hid in various places on the way down and I made it to my car.   I had my keys in my coat pocket." She closed her eyes. "Why didn't I use my keys as a weapon, when they first grabbed me?"

"You did brilliantly, Deontic.   I'm so proud of you." Hal smiled, trying to keep the pity and sorrow from her own eyes.

"It was only when I stood up to open my car door that I saw them in the white Punto.   They saw me too and ran out.   I quickly got into my car and locked the door.   I reversed out and they ran back to their car.    I don't know how I got back.   I know that they followed and I thought of going a scenic route, so as not to bring them back here.   Then I thought, no, bring them back here.   Because of who I have waiting, they will wish they'd never been born."

There was silence once she'd finished.   Kiana and Hal had one side each.   Patting her hands, stroking her arms through the wool of her cardigan.   Deontic heard a sniff and looked up.   Fenian was facing the window now, his hand up to his face.   Deontic looked startled, but Kiana smiled reassurance.   "He's fine." She whispered.

"No." Fenian croaked. "I'm not fucking fine. I'm going to kick their fucking arses."   Kiana grimaced an apology and stood to see to her boyfriend.

There was movement from the other side of the room. It was Mello standing.   His eyes were blazing.   "You were far from stupid, Deontic.   You were brilliant. Absolute, 100% genius.   Four men intent on rape and you got out with cuts, bruises and a fright.   You're amazing.   You're..." He just nodded.   The other four were making sounds of assent.   "And I promise you that they will not get away Scot free. You have my word on that."

"Mello." Hal sighed.

"She has my word."

Fenian called out, "Mine too."

Matt was nodding, but Mello was standing in the way, so she didn't see.

Deontic forced a brave smile onto her face.    "It would have been my first time. Who wants to be raped for their first time?"   She leaned into Hal's arms and silently wept.

While Mello turned and his eyes met Matt's.   Their mutual gaze lasted for a few seconds more than was comfortable, but nothing was communicated.   Each man lost in his own thoughts and memories. Then Matt broke the stare and stood to face his husband on an equal footing.   He leaned in to whisper into Mello's scar-burnt left ear.   "I said I wanted it.   Stop fucking your own mind up."   Mello nodded then took him in a tight embrace and held on for dear life.

Author's Note. I've been asked to set up an actual forum on my website.   I did that last night, but it's not linked up yet.   The URL is: http://mrsjeevas.joharrington.co.uk/forum/viewforum.php?f=2
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Annals of Fear II