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Our Beginning	By : Eliza_Kitty Category: +S to Z > Wolf's Rain Views: 2797 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or series of Wolf’s Rain. They belong to BONES & Keiko Nobumoto. This story is non-profit for my own and others’ enjoyment. Thank you. :)

Chapter List
- 21
- 22
- 23
Can you believe it?! Another chapter in only two or so days! :D I hope you’re excited as I am to keep going… Yes, guess who’s on vacation and has a lot of free time??? Hehe… Enjoy! ;)

Oh, one more thing… I’m working on a new playlist. I’ll have it posted for the next chapter, all right? Until then, look up the song “A Rush of Blood to the Head” by Coldplay. I’ve listened to a lot of Coldplay during the writing of this. It seems like a lot of their songs speak about complicated and troubled relationships, the ups and down, broken promises and the likes. …So yeah. ;)

FYI: If you prefer the "uncut" version, please check out adult fanfiction dot net or deviant art.

Caution: Further chapters will contain mature content such as language and yaoi, Tsume/Toboe. Be forewarned.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or series of Wolf’s Rain. They belong to BONES & Keiko Nobumoto. This story is non-profit for my own and others’ enjoyment. Thank you. :)

Where Are You?

“Wait,” the boy breathed, standing there in the cold snow. He was in shock at what he’d just heard. “No humans? I don’t… how is that possible?” He brought his right hand up to his forehead, looking down to the snow. There were so many ideas running through his head. That would mean that everyone in this life was a wolf. “Wait!” he shot his head back up, looking to the old man who just stood there.

“So,” the boy continued, “Is this paradise then?”

The pack’s elder looked at him for a long time, studying his face before he spoke up. “I don’t know, Toboe. …I was hoping you would tell me.”

“Me… tell you?” the boy asked. He couldn’t believe that this man, his mentor… was now the one asking him questions. He noticed the old man’s expression, confusion written on his lips. “Well,” Toboe sighed, “I don’t know… I never really,” he looked down again, one hand on the back of his head. “Tsume and I never really talked about it…” he looked back to him before he continued, “I died, Kalev. I don’t know what happened after that… I’m sorry I can’t answer you.”

Kalev brought a hand to his chin, stroking his beard. He smiled then, “I suppose none of us have ever really known the answers… It’s only been a story to me until now. You’ve made it real, son.”

“So how long has it been?” Toboe asked, “You make it sound like it’s been forever since I was here before. And my Gran,” he bit his lip, “That means she was a wolf, too!” his mind was racing, “She mentioned a paradise once... before I remembered everything. She told me it was because of me… she said I created a new beginning for her, the world too. This doesn’t make…” he frowned, “How did she know?”

“You continue asking me as if I know all the answers, my boy.” Kalev frowned, “I know just as much as you do…” he smiled then, “All I can say is that it was probably instinctual. Just as I caught your scent and knew something was different about you, most likely your Gran did too.”

“But my Gran, she-“

“-Was a senile old woman!” a familiar voice sounded from behind him.

Toboe turned around, just as a big deer’s carcass was slung at his feet, causing him to stumble back. He yelped at first, but quickly regained his ground. The boy looked down at the dead animal as he stood back up, frowning as he realized who had done. “What do you want, Sera?” he asked angrily as the black haired boy approached he and Kalev.

“Nothin’.” He shrugged, “Just commenting on the obvious.”

“That’s a weak comment.” Toboe paused for a moment, slightly shocked at what he’d just said. But instead of backing off, he stood his ground and clenched his fist. “Your insults don’t mean a thing to me. So why don’t you just take your nasty dead animal and leave me alone? Or else…” the boy growled, still surprised yet confident in his speaking.

However, it made the older one grit his teeth, “You kiddin’ me, runt?” He stepped forward, inches away from the boy’s face. “Is this a fight you want? Cuz’ I’ve been itching for one since they day you crawled into camp. …You wanna die that bad, do ya’?” He sneered.

“Why not? I’m ready whenever you are.” Toboe assured him, smiling with a scowl.

“What is this?” another man’s voice sounded, interrupting the two enraged teenagers as he came out of the darkness. He was followed by a few other men, some dragging their kill behind them while the others just carried. The tall dark haired man approached the two boys and the elder, anger on his face. “The pack doesn’t need this… so end it now.”

The black haired boy looked away and stepped back from the younger one, frowning, “Yes, Turek.” He muttered.

“And you,” the older man looked back to Toboe, still with an angry expression. The boy was fearful, but for some reason, he couldn’t pull his gaze away. The pack’s leader stood there, staring at him as the other males walked by the four of them, not wanting to get involved. After the others had finally passed through, on their way back to the village, Turek finally continued, “Are you really that quick to give up your life for the sake of your pride?”

Toboe didn’t say anything, only nodded in return.

Turek stood silently for a few minutes, studying the boy’s face, the gaze that would not look away. “Fine then.”

Sera smiled at the man’s words.

“You’re joining my hunt for the next full moon,” Turek told the younger boy.

“What?!” the older boy exclaimed, angry at the turn of events. “That’s not fair! He’s just a kid!”

The leader glanced at Sera, who was absolutely infuriated, his fists clutched as he growled. Turek then turned back to Toboe, “How old are you?” he asked.

“Seventeen. I just turned seventeen, sir.” Toboe quickly replied.

“Sera, how old are you?” Turek asked the older boy.

“W-what?” came the reply, “Just look at him!” he gestured to the younger boy, “He’s scrawny and weak! He still can’t even turn whenever he wants to. And on top of that, your daughter, Miri is-“

“How old are you?” Turek repeated once more, the tone of his voice very serious.

“I-I’m nineteen…” Sera replied, more sheepishly this time.

“Really? I would’ve guessed seven.” The man commented, “Now, take your kill and go.”

Sera looked down, angry, embarrassed and defeated. He didn’t say anything as he followed Turek’s commands, grabbing the animal’s carcass that lay in front of the younger boy. He avoided his eyes as he stood back up, dragging the kill behind him, making tracks in the snow as he made his way to the village.

“Kalev,” Turek spoke again, addressing the older man, “What are you telling him?”

“I’m not telling him,” the elder replied kindly, “I’m asking him.”

The pack’s leader did not reply at first, most likely confused by the situation. A few minutes passed as the boy watched the two of them, exchanging glances quietly as if it were a special language between them. Finally, Turek spoke again, “All right then.” He sighed and began to walk away, a heavy bag slung over his shoulder.

Kalev watched him go, his hands still in his pockets. He sighed when Turek made it a ways away from them, “Some of us will never find paradise… even if it does exist… even if we are awakened… there are those of us who are still asleep.”

“Kalev,” Toboe spoke, “Did you ever try?”

The old man looked down at him. He knew what the boy meant. “Yes, Toboe... I did search for it when I was younger.” He stopped after that, just standing there as he stared off into the distance of the night sky. The boy frowned after a few moments, wanting him to continue the story. “So… can you tell me about it?” he asked.

Kalev looked to him and smiled, “That will be for another time, son.” He stepped back, “I’m old and tired… so I think I’m going to call it a night. Sound good?” He began to walk away from where they stood, assuming the boy would follow. But he didn’t.

His mind was racing once more with the silence that ensued. Was this life paradise?

And then he realized they had been interrupted, losing their earlier conversation. He reached out after the old man, desperate for one more answer, “Kalev, wait!”

The elder stopped and turned back, listening as the boy continued, “…You never told me who you left the book for…” Toboe asked again, still wanting to know.

The old man turned back around, smiling before he answered,

“A white wolf.”

He then left the boy there, who stood in the cold white snow as he watched him walk away. He still had so many questions. He still felt confused, even angry. But most of all, he just felt lost.

…

The hot sun beat down upon the land, the clouds white overhead as they grazed across the blue skies. Leaning back on the ground, the boy could feel the red rocks beneath his hands. He found a few small pebbles, clutched them in his fist and threw them out over the horizon.

“Ah!” a girl’s voice sounded, just as one of the small rocks bounced off her blonde head.

The boy bit his lip, and crawled a few feet over to her, reaching out his hand. “I’m so sorry, Miri!” he apologized.

The girl just waved her hand at his, helping herself up over the cliff side with a grunt. She stood up, brushing the dirt and rocks off of her brown shorts. “You really are trying to kill me.” She groaned as she handed him the sandal he’d kicked off the side of the plateau. He nodded, smiling as he reached out to take it from her.

But instead, she swung it back and threw it at him, causing him to yelp when it bounced off his head. “What the hell are ya doin’ up here without me?! You’re supposed to tell me when you sneak off! I’m sicka’ yer shit!” she yelled angrily at the boy still sitting on the ground.

The boy rubbed his head, frowning at her as she stood above him, both hands on her hips. He looked away, “Well, you’re up here now, aren’t you?” he asked, his tone sounding frustrated.

The girl bit her lip for a moment before she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Toboe!” she exclaimed, jumping down to hug onto him, “I missed you!” she cried as he blushed and fell over on the ground. She nuzzled her face against him, smiling brightly.

Toboe held onto as she buried her face into his chest. “Miri,” he spoke gently, “Are you crying?”

She pulled her head up, quickly wiping away her tears. “No!” she snapped, then looked away, “Yes…” she muttered before sitting up and moving off of him. The boy sat up as well, frowning as he reached out to touch her shoulder when she turned away from him.

“I can’t do it, Toboe.” She spoke angrily through her tears, trying to cover them up. She sighed, leaning back against him. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer to him. Resting her head on his shoulder, she moaned a little, biting her lip. “This isn’t who I am…” She inhaled deeply.

“You smell different than you used to.” She muttered after a few minutes of silence.

“What?” Toboe leaned back, a slight red appearing on his cheeks.

Miri sat up, grinning from ear to ear. She looked him up and down, examining him. “Yes, yes.” She smiled before standing to her feet. Glancing down at him, she brought a hand to her chin and stroked it, nodding.

“What are you doing?” Toboe frowned.

“Stand up!” she commanded him. He shrugged and did so, slowly but surely with a sigh. “Straighten up!” He listened and obeyed, but was confused. She was always up to these games. “Miri, what is this?” he asked as she circled him, “Hmmm,” she spoke, “Yes I see.”

“Spit it out!” he yelled nervously, looking around himself to see if maybe there was something on him.

“You’ve grown up!” she answered gleefully.

“That’s it?” he asked.

“Yes!” Miri replied, “Look at you!” The boy did so as she continued, “It’s not just your hair that’s grown, you’re way taller than me now! See?” She moved up against him, her chest pressed against him as she brought her hand up to the top of his head. Stepping back, she held her hand above her head, showing him the difference. “That’s like two inches!” she declared.

“Okay…” he sighed, rubbing the back of his head.

“Even your voice has changed!” she smiled. “Listen to it! …Miri, what is this?” she repeated his words with a grumble, trying to imitate him.

Toboe just laughed at her, sitting back down on the red rock beneath him. He took off his other sandal, setting it aside before he pushed himself toward the cliff. Kicking his feet off the edge, he found the girl at his side once more, joining him. He smiled at her, placing his hand over hers. She smiled as well, then cast her gaze out upon the land.

“It’s been over a year now. And fall is almost here again.” She spoke, “Toboe… promise me something?”

“What’s that?” he asked, also looking out to the horizon.

“Stay with me.” She answered.

Toboe looked away, frowning as he removed his hand from hers. She had asked him this many, many times before and he could never answer her. He wanted to though. He wanted to say yes, that he would never leave her. He really did love this place, this life and his friends, especially her. So why couldn’t he do that?

“I can’t make that promise...” He finally replied.

“Why not?” she whined, “You’ve already been here this long… You could stay… I just… I just don’t want to see you go… I’m afraid that…” she was having trouble getting her thoughts out.

“Afraid of what?” he asked, looking at her with concern.

“I don’t want to die.”

“Miri, what do you mean?” he asked again. He didn’t understand what she was getting at. The girl looked away from him, a worried look upon her face. “My life means nothing here. …My father, the pack… Sera.” She groaned, “This whole marriage thing… It’s like my life’s being given away for me. I’m expected to… just give up everything. And Sera, I know that he feels this way too. He’s told me!” she smiled briefly, “I just wish… I’m not ready. He’s not ready! …But… I dunno. I just… I can’t handle it anymore.” She looked down at her knees, no longer kicking in the wind.

“Well, do you love him?” Toboe asked her.

“Love?!” she replied, her face turning bright red. She looked away from him, not wanting him to see her reaction but it was too late. “Sera… he’s… he’s a difficult kind of person. I mean… we’ve known each other since I can remember, since when we were little. We’ve always been friends… but the past two years… ever since he turned eighteen…” she frowned, resting her head on her fist.

It was another few moments before she spoke again, most likely going through the thoughts in her head. “Toboe… I understand now. Everything that I’ve been going through, losing my free time, my identity, my life… that’s what he went through… I’m changing too… just like he did.”

Miri sighed before looking at the boy again, “You know, there are times that I catch a glimpse of who he really is.” She smiled, “If I’m hurt or worried, he’ll be so kind… my protector. But…” she looked away once more, frowning, “He can be so cruel… He’ll be the one to hurt me! …But …I hate feeling like this… Ughhh… I’m so confused.” She groaned, burying her face in her knees.

She looked up once more, sighing. “Yes, I love him.” She moaned then, burying her head again. “Something’s wrong with me, right?”

“I don’t know. …Maybe.” Toboe replied.

She looked at him, frowning and smiling at the same time. “You weren’t supposed to answer that.”

The boy laughed a little, rubbing the back of his head. “No, it’s just that… I understand.” He smiled, looking out at the sun, beginning to go down in the distance. The girl looked at him as he continued, “It was like that for me too… Sometimes I felt like something was wrong with me… for loving someone who was horrible to me… But he wasn’t always like that. There were times when I saw someone beautiful… and that’s who I loved.”

Miri groaned, looking away. “That doesn’t help me at all. You’re just the same as me.”

Toboe laughed at the girl’s response, “It’s true though! Sometimes… we can’t help who we love. We just do…” he looked down at his knees, not believing the words he’d just spoken. After all this time, did it really not hurt anymore? Months ago, just the thought of Tsume would bring him to tears. Talking about it would send him into depression. But now… it was just a thing of the past.

“I wish my mom were here.” Miri spoke, her tone full of longing.

“When did she leave?” he asked.

The girl looked down, frowning. “She died before I was born.”

“Before you were born? How…?” Toboe asked once more, confused.

“When she was pregnant with me… there was an accident. And I guess… well my Gran says I’m her little miracle. My dad… I dunno. I guess I don’t know him all that well. He was hardly ever around… just when it came time to scold me… Really, my Gran raised me by herself.” She explained.

The boy couldn’t help but smile, even though it was a sad story. It was so similar to his. He wanted so badly to tell her about his Gran, but he didn’t feel that he could. Instead, he tried something else, “You’ll see your mom one day, Miri. When the gates to paradise are opened, she’ll be standing there waiting for you… She’ll smile and tell you how beautiful and kind you are. She’ll hug you and tell you how long she’s been waiting to finally see you…”

As he was saying this, he wasn’t imagining Miri’s mother, but his own, as well as Gran. They were both waiting for him.

“You’re sweet, Toboe…” the girl smiled. “But… does it really exist? Paradise?” she asked.

Toboe nodded, “Yes, it has to.”

“What’s it like?” she asked as she moved closer to him. He wrapped an arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder. Closing his eyes, he tried imagining what it would be like. “Well… the grass is always green… the sky is always blue and there are lunar flowers everywhere. No one ever goes hungry and no one ever fights. There’s no violence, no hate… just peace.” He sighed.

“It sounds beautiful…” Miri smiled. A few minutes passed before she pulled out of his embrace, smiling at him. He opened his eyes when she did so. “Toboe… I want to go, when you go… I want to go to paradise with you.” She sounded very sincere.

“Miri, what about the rest of the pack?” The boy frowned. He expected this, but at the same time, he didn’t.

“I don’t care anymore… I want something more than this life… This isn’t paradise.” She answered, looking away with a determined scowl.

“But what about Sera?” Toboe asked.

“Heh! Right… “ she looked off, her frown softening. “Sera…”

The boy watched her as she became lost in her thoughts, her facial expressions changing from anger and frustration to sadness and confusion. She looked at him then, her eyes searching his own. “Toboe?” she asked. He nodded in reply before she continued the question, “Can I kiss you?” she spoke embarrassingly, looking away.

Toboe didn’t know how to answer her. Did she have feelings for him? …It was something he had begun to wonder over time. They’d grown so close, like best friends. And now there was the possibility of more? But she’d just admitted she had feelings for Sera. …But she wanted to kiss him? He wasn’t even sure of his own feelings... This new life… did he want this?

It had been so long since he saw him last… Was he really over Tsume? Moments ago he was able to talk about his past relationship without feeling remorse or pain. He really had grown. Not just in age, but in everything. But… there was still a part of him that felt empty… And now, would he be able to fill that with this girl? He could at least try, couldn’t he? And if the kiss didn’t bring out any more feelings, why would that be bad? But if it did… He could start over. He could have a new life… a new beginning.

“I’m sorry…” Miri continued when he didn’t answer, “I know it’s stupid… I just thought that-“

“No,” he stopped her, “It’s ok. Go ahead.” He moved closer and she blushed harder, glancing at him. The boy placed his hand over hers once more, leaning in just inches from her face. He searched her face as her eyes darted about, unsure of the situation that presented itself. He thought for sure that he would be blushing as well, but there was no warmth in his cheeks.

Miri closed her eyes then, as did Toboe as she leaned into him, gently pressing her lips against his. It was soft and sweet, not lasting more than a minute before she pulled back. He smiled at her as did Miri, laughing a little as she brought a hand up to her face. The boy sat back as well, leaning on the back of his hands as he sighed, his thoughts racing again. Well there was the kiss and there it was, nothing.

“Well, that sucks.” The girl sighed, still smiling as she looked out on the horizon.

“Yeah…” He nodded, coming to the conclusion that she didn’t feel anything either. That must have been why she wanted to kiss him. She was testing her feelings for Sera. He wanted to laugh, but didn’t. A part of him felt a little sad, but he didn’t understand why. Was it that he wanted her as more than a friend? Or was his heart still elsewhere?

“Toboe, it’s no good!” she then exclaimed, throwing herself on her back. “…I’m just not well.”

“Neither am I...” He agreed, frowning.

“But really though…” she spoke after a few minutes, “I can’t believe it’s been that long since you’ve been here with me. It seems like it was just last night that I met you, my father… he would’ve killed me too. If it weren’t for Kalev…” she smiled.

“Miri, why did you risk your life for me?” Toboe asked, looking back at her.

“I thought you were cute.” She winked an eye at him, sticking her tongue out.

“Really?” he laughed a little.

“Well, yes. But…” she frowned, thinking, “There was something different about you. Kalev’s been telling me that from the start, but I’ve always wondered why… I knew even before he said anything.” She sat up, “So why is that? You had the scent of the flowers on you, even before you saw them that night you first turned. …And even now, their smell is all over you.” She sat up now.

Toboe didn’t know if he could say anything. How much had Kalev already told her? How much could he tell her now? Was this supposed to be a secret? …If he did come perfectly clean, he would just sound crazy. She wouldn’t buy it. So instead, he answered her, “You should ask Kalev… it seems like he knows a lot more about me than I do myself.” Well, he was being honest.

“Kalev...” She sighed, and then she gasped, “Kalev!” She looked at the boy, whose eyes widened at her outburst. She bit her lip and frowned, “…That’s why I came out to find you. He sent me after you… How long as it been?!”

Toboe laughed a little, “Maybe two hours or more…”

The girl jumped to her feet, beginning to panic. “He’s gonna kill me!” she yelped, the sun now setting behind her. She ran over to edge of the cliff from where she’d climbed up and began to let herself down. “C’mon, Toboe! What are you waiting for?!”

The boy just shrugged and followed her, knowing that she was just overreacting. Surely Kalev wouldn’t kill her… would he?

…

“Forgive me!” the girl’s voice rang out, bursting in the front door.

The old man looked up from the kitchen table, a plate beneath him and his mouth full. He was wide eyed at first when the two teenagers entered, but he quickly relaxed. Nodding at them, he continued chewing and gestured at them to join him.

The girl did so hurriedly, running over to the table and pulling out a chair. She sat down just as soon as its legs screeched upon the wooden floor. The boy on the other hand, approached slowly, remaining calm as he pulled out a chair, casually sitting down to join them. He looked over to his friend, who was smoothing out her clothes and hair.

“So what’s all the hullabaloo?” the elder asked after finishing his bite. He sipped his water as the girl answered, “You sent me after him, and… I forgot. I’m so sorry.” She looked down, biting her lip.

“Miri, you’re shaking like a leaf.” The old man frowned, leaning over and raising her chin with his hand. He smiled when she looked at him with a sad face, “Those women have gotten you so worked up. There’s no need for you to act like this around me. No need for forgiveness either, love.” He sat back and took his knife and fork, proceeding to cut the meat that was on his plate. “Now,” he spoke, “If you’ll please forgive me while I finish up my supper. All right?” he asked her.

The girl just nodded, smiling as she quickly wiped away the few tears that were in the corners of her eyes.

“But don’t just sit there, tell me a story or something,” the elder spoke again, “What were you doing that took you so long?”

“Well, I…” Miri looked down, her mind still pacing a bit from her previous worries, “I think we... Toboe?” she smiled at him.

The boy nodded, taking the conversation from her. “Yes, Kalev. And it’s not Miri’s fault, it’s mine. I wanted to talk to her first.” He winked in the girl’s direction, who frowned at him and shook her head. She didn’t want him to take the blame.

“Well in that case, get out,” Kalev said after he took another sip of his water.

“What?” Toboe breathed, frowning at the remark.

Kalev laughed a little, “I’m just pulling your leg, son.”

The boy sighed, relieved as he relaxed back down in his chair.

“Please, please,” the old man gestured at him, “Continue.”

“Well… we were talking about paradise?” Toboe’s answer turned into a question. It had been so long since Kalev had spoken to him about it, not since that night when he’d learned so much more about the wolves, about everything. That was many months ago now and the old man had been silent since, except for mentoring him of course. But it seemed like there was so much more that he still didn’t know.

“Well, what do you want to know?” Kalev asked him, looking down at his plate as he took another bite.

The boy was surprised that he was willing to answer. Until now, he actually had mentioned it during many of their lessons, but the elder had just ignored him every time. “Well,” Toboe smiled, catching the glance of the girl across the table. She was leaning into the table, her eyes wide as she looked at Kalev. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t.

The boy smiled and continued, “You said you tried to go to paradise before… could you tell me more? And why my bookstore? I never understood that…”

The old man frowned, looking down at his plate that was now empty. He sighed, pushing it away from him as he leaned back in his chair, getting comfortable. “Let’s see… I suppose it’s best to start at the beginning…” he took another sip of his water before he continued, “…There are those that are never happy with what they have. They always want something more. And then there are those that make do with what they have…” he looked away, staring off as if he were distantly away. “It was so long ago…”

“Miri!” an older woman’s voice called. The girl groaned, rolling her eyes as she stood up, walking over to the open window. She looked out into the dark night, trying to see where it had come from. “What is it, Gran?!” she called out, not seeing her.

“Time to eat!” the voice rang out, echoing from two houses down.

“That woman’s got some pipes!” Miri sighed, stepping over to the door and opening it. “I heard that!” the voice sounded again.

“And ears…” the girl muttered to Kalev and Toboe as she was closing the door. The boy waved after her as she left, as did the older man.

“Go on,” Toboe nodded as he turned to him once more.

“My, you don’t waste any time at all, do you?” Kalev laughed, clasping his hands together as he leaned against the table. “I was a young wolf, not much older than you in fact… I was never happy. I could never understand why our pack just accepted things the way they were. I grew up listening to the stories of our forefathers, stories of others,” he gestured to the boy, who glanced away as he smiled, “And so I decided that was who I wanted to be. I wanted to make a difference, put a dent in the earth… So I ran away.”

The old man looked to the boy, expecting a question but nothing came, so he went on, “I left the people I cared about, including my mate… who refused to go with me.” He looked down, frowning, “I gave up everything I had in search for paradise. They told me this was it, I grew up hearing that… but I could never believe it… During my travels I saw many things, learned many things… I grew up.”

He looked at the boy once more, “That was also when I found the book… I was always so hotheaded. I made quick decisions without thinking, went off whatever mood I was in. I hurt the people I loved… I ruined everything because of my impatience…” he looked off distantly, his face softening, “I don’t know, Toboe. Maybe what I had was paradise… I was just never satisfied. I became a lone wolf… I sacrificed my life for a better one… but I found nothing…”

Kalev looked back to the boy, who was now sitting back in his seat as he looked at his hands as he frowned. The old man glanced away, sighing, “By the end of my journey, many years later… I gave up and returned to my pack. I just wanted to have my old life back, including the mate that I loved… But by then, it was too late... He was gone.”

Toboe shot his head up then, “He?” he asked. Kalev just smiled as he nodded, looking down at his feet. The boy looked down once more, sighing. He would have never guessed that about the old man. What other stories could he tell him? …No, it was no use. He wouldn’t bother him any more… And then he remembered, “But what about the book? Why did you leave it there?” he asked.

Kalev looked up, “…Do you remember me telling you that I dreamt of you and the others?” he asked.

The boy nodded, and so the old man continued, “Well, in that dream I was given a vision… that book was the key to unlocking you and the others… There was a sign with the name, Kingston, on it… a bookstore with golden letters, the windows trimmed with green painted wood. I saw the book, a white wolf, surrounded by white flowers, an old tree on the side of a mountain… along with the rest of you. But the white wolf, he must have led you there… it was him who opened the door, wasn’t it?” he looked to the boy, whose eyes were glued on him.

The old man smiled, finishing his story, “At first I thought it was silly… But the next day, Turek informed me that he and I would be traveling for some errands, to a small town outside of a city called Kingston. And that was it…” he yawned, sitting back in his chair.

The boy was about to say something, assuming the man was done talking but he was cut off before he even opened his mouth, “So, Toboe. When are you leaving here?” Kalev asked him, leaning on the table once more.

“Leaving? …I don’t… I’m not sure.” He looked down, frowning.

“Well, you’re still searching, aren’t you?” the man asked again, “Or have you given up?”

“But you!” Toboe looked up, surprised by the question, “…You tell me that you gave up because you were convinced it was useless… you made it sound like there is no paradise… that this is it…” he looked down again, “And then you tell me I should go?” he asked. He didn’t understand what Kalev was getting at. How did the conversation even go this direction?

“I didn’t tell you, I asked you.” The man shrugged, “I think you should follow your instincts, your heart…”

“But isn’t that what you did? …And it got you nowhere?” he asked.

“What you need to do,” the old man paused, “…is stop doubting yourself. This time that you’ve spent here… you’ve grown into a young man. Just look at yourself, boy!” he gestured at him and Toboe looked down at himself without thinking, examining his strong arms and legs. He knew that he’d grown; it was obvious every time he looked in a mirror.

“But, there’s so much more I can learn here!” the boy insisted.

“You can take true form at will, even without the full moon. You can defend yourself in every way, even hunt. You are a real wolf… There’s nothing more I can teach you.” Kalev smiled, “The fact of the matter… is that you already know what you were born to do. And your destiny no longer lies within this pack.”

Toboe sighed, looking away from him. Kalev was right. Every word he spoke was true. He knew from the very beginning that his time here would never last. Paradise was still out there, waiting for him. He could feel it in his blood. Every single fiber of his being knew it was real. This journey he’d begun was no mistake. And now, it was time that he should return to that road and continue running, just as the wolves in the book.

He looked back to the old man, who had already been watching him. Kalev didn’t have to say anything, the man already knew he’d made up his mind. “I’m going to leave in the morning.” Toboe spoke, a small part of him sad to say those words. He bit his lip, “What should I tell Miri?”

“The truth, what else?” Kalev replied.

“The truth? She’ll think I’m crazy… I could just tell her I’m going back to my mate…” Toboe looked off distantly, frowning.

“Are you?” the old man asked him. The boy shot his head back up, “What? No… why?” he didn’t know how to reply to that question. He’d thought about it, yes. But that part of his life was over… wasn’t it?

“Toboe, did you know that wolves mate for life?” Kalev asked.

“Yes, I knew that.” He frowned, crossing his arms.

“No, you didn’t.” the man replied plainly, slitting his eyes.

“Okay… maybe not.” The boy shrugged, “But… I understand what that means.”

“What that means, is that no matter what you do… no matter how much you change or your life changes… is that your heart will always stay the same.” Kalev spoke as he stood up from his chair, “Those feelings are something you will always have to live with… So that my boy, is yet another part of your destiny that you should decide on.”

“But, I can’t…” Toboe looked up at him, “I just can’t. You don’t understand…” he looked away, frowning as tears began to form in his eyes. He thought that he had moved on, that it didn’t hurt him anymore. But that was all a lie, wasn’t it?

“Toboe, I may not understand what you’ve gone through or what your relationship was like… but what I do know, is that wounds do heal… Nothing lasts forever, my son.” He frowned, “I understand what it’s like to hate, to feel pain, what it’s like to love and to have true joy… and I also know what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

The boy took in every word he said and even though he didn’t want to believe him, he accepted it. Time had changed everything, not just what he looked liked, but who he was. It’s not that he’d let the old him go, rather improved, grown stronger and braver… just like he’d always wanted to.

Toboe watched as Kalev made his way to the front door. Opening the door, he gestured for the boy who nodded and followed, stepping out the door after him. It was dark out, the only light coming from the lanterns, house windows and one firepit where a few of the pack members were gathered.

The boy saw that Miri and Sera were among them. He couldn’t make out their conversation, only see what was taking place. The older boy looked like he was teasing her. Toboe saw the girl push him away from her, just as she tripped over a log behind her. But thankfully, Sera caught her from falling. Miri didn’t even try to pull away from, just smiling as she hugged onto him. It was obvious now, the feelings she had spoken about earlier that day…

The older man next to him sighed. “You know that saying, we hurt the ones we love the most? …Well, it’s true. The fact is, Toboe… it’s impossible to take back what we’ve done, but it’s not impossible to start again… You can’t become who you are overnight. It takes time to change a heart. That goes for everyone… even your mate.”

Toboe glanced away, not wanting to watch the other wolves anymore. He knew that the old man had been watching the same scene. He also knew what the old man was implying.

But… what had the time done for Tsume? Had he changed too? …So what if he did go back to him? Could he even convince him to search for paradise with him? He had been so set in his mind not to. They’d even gotten into arguments about the matter. As long it had been, maybe things would be different?

He knew that he wasn’t really over him… If it was true that wolves mated for life, the same could be said for Tsume. But this was a whole other problem to explore. Was he ready to be back in that relationship again? …No, things could never be the same again between them… could they?

The boy looked back to the old man, the lights of the fire casting shadows on his face. He noticed the deep lines, the wrinkles on his skin and face that told the story of his life. He was so old and worn, tired from the years. “My son…” Kalev spoke, the boy not expecting it. He didn’t look at him though, his eyes were still focused on the younger wolves ahead of them.

“You know that I’m not telling you what to do with your life. …My journey is over, your own path is just beginning. I used to pray that God would send me all the answers, but they never came to me until I found that book. That’s when everything changed…”

He looked down at his feet, his face softening, “It’s when we ignore the road before us, that we miss out on all that life has planned for us… The mistakes we make can be mended, yes… But time doesn’t wait for us… My race is almost run… but you still have the chance to pick up where you left off…”

He looked at the boy then, smiling, “I lost my paradise, Toboe. …You should go and find yours.”

A few minutes passed between the two of them before the boy replied, “I will, Kalev… and thank you… for everything.” He smiled at the older man, who just nodded in return.

Toboe raised his head, gazing up at the stars and moon that filled the summer night sky. Memories of the past flashed through his mind, moments spent with his lover under this same sky.

If he went back, would everything return to the way it was? But…What if Tsume wasn’t waiting for him anymore? He could’ve moved on… went back to his old life… or even started a new one?

He closed his eyes and sighed, thinking to himself, “Tsume… where are you?”

***

I was going to keep going, but I left it at this... A good place to leave off, I think! What say you??? …Also, let me know what you think of the song. ;)
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Our Beginning