Blind Fury | By : HollowedRose Category: > Durarara!! (?????!! Dyurarara!!) Views: 6534 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!! and its characters. They belong to Ryohgo Narita. I'm not making any profit from this. |
Chapter 22 - The Struggle Within
Izaya rubbed his eyes to get rid of that annoying blurriness of unshed tears as he paused in front of the door to Shinra's apartment. It hadn't been easy to tell Celty what happened, but he was tired of her overall attitude regarding the whole situation, and he wanted that to stop. He wasn't naive enough to believe that she would remain her usual self around him after sending her off to deliver Kasuka's beaten body to the brute, but it had still bothered him, because there was nothing worse than to get blamed for hurting Shizuo when the beast had been the one to break the rules first. Shizuo was supposed to only beat him to a bloody pulp that night, but the idiot snapped and took things too far. Izaya knew that he deserved bad things happening to him for what he had done to various people over the years, but he was sure that getting brutally raped and then left to die in a filthy alley was not one of them. Had it not been for both Kasuka and Shinra saving him that night, he would've certainly died. There were times when it crossed his mind that it couldn't have been worse than living like this, but he always pushed away those thoughts because he preferred to cling to life even though it was painful. He knew that more suffering awaited him, especially after realizing that he was still affected enough to interrupt his own plans of revenge, but he refused to give up. He raised his hand and timidly knocked on the door, and then held his breath when he heard the lock turning and saw the door opening.Shinra stared at him with an unreadable expression for a long time, the stretching silence making Izaya very uncomfortable. He was about to open his mouth to say say something, but the man shot him a nasty glare and moved to close the door.
"Wait!" yelled Izaya and tried to stop Shinra from closing it, only to get his arm trapped between the door and its frame. He grunted as the metal dug into his skin the harder Shinra pushed, but he ignored the pain, his mind set on getting the man to listen to him. "Give me a chance to explain myself," he pleaded.
"I prefer to keep my distance when it comes to armed criminals," said Shinra, his voice conveying all the irritation he felt towards him.
"I'm not armed!"
"Remove your arm before I break it," Shinra warned and pulled the door back a little so that Izaya could free his arm."
"Fine," said Izaya through clenched teeth, "but I'm not leaving until we talk."
Shinra pushed the door closed with a lot more force than was necessary and stomped towards the couch in the living room where he flopped down on it and folded his arms in front of his chest. He was still pissed off at Izaya for being a bastard, but he was more upset about his fight with Celty than anything else, their conflict resulting in her storming out of the apartment. He hated knowing that she was mad at him, and he hated to see her upset, but if he were to tell her what was really going on, he knew that she would only suffer more than she already was.
He turned his head towards the hallway and wondered if Izaya would really stand there outside his door until he gave him a chance to explain himself, or leave and come back another time. He's not that big of an idiot, he thought before he picked up the remote control and turned on the TV, hoping that he would find something to distract himself with, which was far better than mopping around.
Meanwhile, Izaya stared at the door for a few minutes before sighing and shoving his hands inside the pockets of his coat. He felt really tired, and cold, but he was decided to stay there until Shinra invited him inside, so he sighed dejectedly and leaned his back against the door. He glanced at the floor beneath him, then at his coat, immediately dismissing the thought of sitting down because he really couldn't afford to ruin this coat too. There was always the fur-trimmed jacket, which he mostly wore when it was warmer outside, but he really did prefer the coat over it, especially when the weather was so cold.
He stayed like that for a long time, staring at his phone once in a while and hoping that Ran would call him. He almost dropped it though when it did ring, but the number was not one he recognized.
"Orihara Izaya?" said a female voice on the other end of the line.
"Yes. With whom am I speaking?"
"Vorona."
Izaya had to swallow the lump in his throat in order to be able to speak his next words. "How may I help you?" he asked in a forced cheerful tone.
"I need information regarding the job that you and Slon recently finished together. Slon called me today to ask for help, saying that he'd been shot, but by the time I got there, he was already unconscious, and because he died while in surgery, I was not able to find out the name of the murderer."
Izaya managed to cover his mouth in time to hide a surprised gasp. If Slon truly was dead, and Vorona had no idea who the killer was, his hide was safe, but did she really have no clue that he was the killer, or was she was simply lying in order to catch him off-guard? Either way, it was best if he kept his guard up. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said solemnly.
"He was a friend. I will avenge his death," said Vorona, sounding determined.
"As you should. How much do you know about the job?"
"Nothing."
"I see. We worked together to find the spies within the Awakusu-kai who either worked for the Police or for rival organizations. We succeeded in identifying three of them. I'm sure that we got them all, so if the murderer is related in any way to this last case, it makes sense for him, or her, to be be someone who knew those men. Do you have an email address?"
"Affirmative."
"Message it to me and I'll send you the information tomorrow."
"Thank you," said Vorona before hanging up.
Izaya stared ahead for a while, phone hanging in hand until he received the message. He wasn't exactly happy about killing Slon, if he really was dead, but it beat the alternative. As much as he hated Shizuo, he couldn't just stand there and do nothing while the Russian assassin did to Kasuka the same thing which had been done to him. Still, a valuable human life had been lost because of his mistake, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth. He pocketed the phone and hoped that Ran would call him soon to confirm Slon's death.
He lost track of time as he stood there trying to ignore the weariness, until Shinra suddenly opened the door, causing Izaya to lose his balance and fall backwards with a surprised yelp.
Shinra acted on instinct, hooking his arms underneath Izaya's stretched ones and successfully halting his dangerous descent.
Izaya chuckled as Shinra awkwardly held him, noticing the mocking smile before his vision drifted and their eyes locked. "Thank you for saving my precious behind, oh kind stranger."
Shinra scoffed, tempted to drop him. "Idiot."
Izaya smiled and got up with a bit of help from his savior. "Does this mean I can come in now?"
"I was going to look for Celty," said Shinra, frowning.
"Your girlfriend can take care of herself."
Shinra glared at him but kept quiet. Izaya was right. "Fine, get in," he said, scowling. "I can't believe you're still here," he grumbled.
Izaya pushed Shinra out of the way and dashed towards the kitchen where he picked up a glass and poured himself some much needed water. He greedily gulped it down and set the glass back on the counter with a satisfied sigh, shrugging when he noticed Shinra's surprised expression. "I was thirsty."
Shinra turned around and went to the living room where he sat down on the couch. "Why are you here?"
Izaya followed him and sat down as well. "I see you replaced the glass doors I broke."
"Yeah, and you owe me money for that by the way."
"Send me the bill."
"And for the couch. It wasn't cheap to remove the blood stains."
"Got it."
Shinra sighed and shifted around uncomfortably. "Say what you have to say, then leave."
"About earlier today..." Izaya started, but lost the courage to go on when Shinra glared at him through squinted eyes.
"What about it?" the doctor nearly hissed. "Are you here to complain about how I did a terrible job at patching up your bullet wound?"
"No!" Izaya rushed to answer. "No... I'm here to apologize." Feeling somewhat ashamed, he lowered his head, eyes fixed on his knees. "I'm really sorry about all the stupid things I said and did."
"Oh my, is the great Orihara Izaya seriously apologizing to me? I find it very hard to believe," said Shinra mockingly.
"While I cannot remember everything, I still remember enough, and I know that I owe you an apology... a serious apology." He raised his head and looked him in the eyes. "I truly am sorry."
Shinra's eyes widened in surprise. He knew Izaya well enough to realize that the man was serious this time, and while he was still pissed off at him for even thinking of such a stupid way to make him understand what he went through, he really couldn't stay mad at him when the apology sounded so sincere. He sighed and smiled lazily. "Apology accepted," he said, and watched Izaya's genuine smile with some amusement, the man's dull eyes lighting up almost instantly.
"Thank you."
"It's fine, just don't do that again."
Izaya shook his head. "The 'thank you' is not for this alone, it's for everything. Even after all the stupid things I did today, you still helped me when you could've simply walked away, not to mention that you saved my life that night. I would've been dead right now if it wasn't for you," he said, eyes darkening.
To say that Shinra was surprised was an understatement. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Izaya?" he asked with a broad smile on his face, his expression turning into a frown at Izaya's next words.
"I have no idea. Let me know if you find him."
Shinra felt a pang in his chest at seeing Izaya's defeated posture, so he got up, walked towards him and gently squeezed his shoulder, noticing with no little amount of surprise that Izaya didn't flinch at all at the gesture. He felt bad all those times he touched him before, because he could feel the tension underneath the surface, that barely restrain need to pull away, but this time he felt nothing of the sorts. "You'll be fine."
"I don't know about that," Izaya said and abruptly got up, "but thank you for everything."
"Are you leaving?"
Izaya nodded. "I'll see you around," he said and waved as he walked out of the apartment.
Shinra sighed loudly, and then sat down and took off his glasses to rub his tired eyes. He felt sorry for Izaya, sorry enough to almost miss the smug bastard that he once used to know. This new Izaya was nicer, and less of a dick, but Shinra couldn't stand that constant sadness that seemed to emanate from the man.
He heard the door open and he clumsily put on the glasses before turning around, thinking that Izaya might've forgotten something, only to be greeted with the sight of his beloved Celty. "Hey, are you―" he started, but lost his voice when he saw her wrap herself in a cocoon of her own pitch black smoke. "Celty...?" he said weakly as he approached the black mass, a surprised yelp escaping his lips when he ended up getting pulled inside, his beloved pulling him into a hug and clinging to him as though he was her lifeline. "I'm sorry for snapping at you today," he said as he ran his hand up and down her back. He knew that she was crying, her whole body trembling in his arms, her clenched into fists hands clinging to the back of his white lab coat.
She wanted to tell him that it was not his fault, that she now understood why he never told her, but she couldn't get her body to react. All she could do was cling to him, cling to the man who loved her enough to hide the truth from her in order to not hurt her, even if that meant she would be mad at him. It all made sense now, Shinra being protective of Izaya, as well as that hate and rage he expressed in regard to Shizuo. She knew that something bad must've happened to make him react like that, something terrible enough to affect the usual passive Kishitani Shinra, but she never thought that Shizuo could take things so far. It was hard to believe that Shizuo would rape the Informant, but she knew that Izaya was not lying because of the incident she had witness earlier that day. She clearly remembered Shizuo saying how everything was his fault, and how he deserved to die, so for the man to go to for such an extreme measures meant that something really bad must've happened, something so horrendous to make him want to end his life.
She also never expected to feel sorry for Izaya, but she did. Those words he spoke in that broken, defeated tone, as well as those pained eyes and barely restrained tears had sliced into her heart as though they were sharp knives. It was a horrible situation that made Shinra lose one of the two most important connections he had made with humans, and Celty had no idea how to make him feel better. There was also Shizuo, the man she always thought of as her best friend, and he was suffering too, she was certain of it. Truth be told, she felt sorry for all three of them. She held onto Shinra tighter, wishing that all of it was a bad dream from which she would soon wake up, but she knew it was real, and that broke her heart into a million pieces. She wished she had the power to turn back time, but she didn't, so she only clung to him tighter, drowning into the warmth of his body and the comfort of his embrace.
"I hope that you will forgive me one day," he said, his voice sorrowful, almost pleading, but at the same time loving and hopeful.
Celty unclenched one hand and gently rubbed his back, hoping that her gesture would convey her feelings inside the darkness of the cocoon.
"Thank you," he said, and with those two simple words she knew that he understood her better than anyone in the world. She remembered Izaya's words: "Shinra loves you," and she knew them to be true. She was glad to have met Shinra, and lucky to have him in her life. I think I love him too, she realized with some surprise, the thought bubbling from underneath the violent waves that kept crashing into her jumbled thoughts.
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