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(Never) Let Him Know	By : Fullmetal_Masochist Category: -Misc Anime > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1808 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or any of the characters in the series. I am making no money from this story.

Chapter List
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The next morning, I woke up in a lot of pain. The beating I took from Yamori the day before had done a number on me. I turned over in bed to find that I was alone. It wasn't unusual for Hide to be up before me, but considering all that's happened, I worried that he'd disappear again. I sat up and saw some pain medicine and a glass of water sitting on my nightstand. I smiled as I quickly took them and limped out of the bedroom. I expected to find Hide in the kitchen or watching TV on the couch, but my breath caught in my throat as I saw him carrying a duffel bag over his shoulder as he walked to the front door.
"W-Where are you going, Hide?" My voice sounded weak despite wanting to sound confident. I didn't want to sound desperate, not yet.
"I... I'm afraid, Kaneki," Hide said as he froze in place, his hand on the doorknob. "I'm scared of what else could happen if I'm with you."
He turned to face me, his eyes were red and puffy, which meant he'd been crying for a while. I took him by the hand, led him to the couch and sat him down before seating myself next to him.
"There's nothing to worry about Hide. I get that you're feeling unsure about a lot of things, but—"
"I've done nothing but endanger you from the moment I fell for you, Kaneki. I've hurt you physically and emotionally, and it'll just keep happening if I'm near you. I don't want you to become a casualty while I'm trying to figure out just who or what I am now!"
He stood up and made his way to leave again, but I caught his wrist as he passed by.
"I've given it a lot of thought, Hide. I spent so long afraid to let you know my feelings for you. That fear kept me from seeing how you felt about me. Your actions may have been reckless and stupid, but they were brought on by my own inaction. I was unsure how things were going to go between us. But I feel it, deep within my heart, that if you were to walk out that door right now and never look back, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. And I think you would too. I love you, and I don't want to lose you."
My voice broke just as I finished my sentence, I squeezed my hand against his wrist and lightly tugged to get him to come back. He brought his free hand up towards his face, clearing away the tears that were falling now.
"You dummy... I love you too!" Hide came back to the couch and collapsed next to me, gently pulling me into his arms. "It's not that I want to leave you, I just don't want to see you get hurt anymore."
"Then don't go anywhere, that's the only way to avoid hurting me completely," I said as I completed our embrace and held him tight. The pain in my shoulder from where Hide had fed was getting worse, but I refused to loosen my hold on him. The meds would work eventually.
"Are you sure about this, Kaneki? If we're being honest here, I just... I don't feel like the same person anymore. This new side of me seems to come with a lot of excess baggage that even I'm not sure I'm willing to deal with. How can I expect you to deal with all this drama too? What if you find that you don't even feel the same way for this new me?"
"You're asking a lot of 'what if' questions that don't matter. I'm here for you just like you've always been for me, drama or no drama. You told me that I seemed like a different person just yesterday. People change as they go through life. We're both going to have times where we change, but my feelings for you are the one constant I have in my life."
Hide pulled me into his lap and leaned forward to meet my lips in a long slow kiss. His fingers lightly traced the outline of my arms before coming to a rest near my shoulders. Aware of the fresh wound, he avoided putting any pressure on that side. I could feel him getting hard as I sat on top of him. I wanted to make him feel better, to help alleviate his worries and concerns. But at this moment, I just wanted him to be mine again. I moaned softly as our kiss came to an end.
"Mmm, Hide..."
"We don't have to, Kaneki. I know you're in pain, even if you won't admit it."
"Isn't that why you left me the pain meds? I won't let a little pain get between us," I said as I pulled off his shirt and ran my hands over his chest.
"Yeah, you are definitely a different person. When did you get so aggressive? Not that I'm complaining of course..."
"I have you to thank for awakening this side of me. I would never have experienced this kind of love had it not been for you. So, if I'm too aggressive, it's because you're turning me on so much."
We started to kiss once more as our hands explored each other's bodies. I undid Hide's pants and tugged them down, his cock stood firm, covered tightly by his underwear.
"Do you need me to take things from here, Hide?"
In one fluid motion, Hide picked me up and laid me on the couch. As he freed me from the confines of my pants, he smiled once again.
"I can handle it now. Having you take the lead last night was hot though! We'll have to do that more often. But I want you all to myself this time."
We eventually made it back to the bed, and after we finished, we laid in each other's arms.
"I feel like I should cook for you now, but I'm not sure how well that would go. I can't exactly taste-test what I make anymore."
"Don't worry about it. I can't expect you to do that for me."
He was quiet for a while, his gaze further than what was directly in front of him.
"What is it, Hide?"
He shook his head as he brought his attention back to me. "I was thinking about the food situation. Will I really have to kill to survive?"
The talk with Dr. Yoshimura came back to me, and I shared that information with Hide. He was relieved to hear that there were some alternatives. We made plans to visit Anteiku later, once we showered. Hide changed my bandages, his expression staying calm even when faced with the open wound.
We took our time getting to the coffee shop, our recent experience in captivity gave us a new appreciation for the freedom we had taken for granted. Upon arriving at Anteiku, Dr. Yoshimura greeted us kindly.
"I was hoping to see the both of you. If you'd be so kind, follow me to the second floor, we can speak more comfortably there."
We followed him up the stairs and into one of the rooms, nicely furnished with several couches and tables. Dr. Yoshimura took our drink orders and excused himself from the room.
"This shop, you said it's a haven for Ghouls? It's comforting to know a place like this exists."
The doctor returned with our drinks and sat down in the chair nearest to our couch.
"I'm assuming that Kaneki has informed you about what we do here at Anteiku, besides serve coffee, of course."
"Yes. I haven't had much to eat since this started. It scared me to think of what I'd have to do to get rid of this hunger. I'd appreciate any help you could offer, sir."
Yoshimura pulled a bundle of butcher's paper from his apron and placed it on the table in front of Hide and me.
"That's what we're here for, young man. We only ask that you avoid hunting in our ward, although I doubt that will be an issue with you. Is there anything else you wish to know? This must be a very confusing time for you."
"My first question would be, why this had to happen to me, but I won't pose that question to you since you had nothing to do with it. I'm sure that my surgeon did what he felt was right at the time to save a life, so asking that would be pointless if it were just by chance I ended up with Ghoul organs and changed because of it."
Dr. Yoshimura was quiet for some time, deep in thought, before finally replying.
"As a doctor who is familiar with the anatomy of both humans and Ghouls, I've come to suspect that Dr. Kanou wasn't completely ignorant of the fact that the organs he transplanted weren't human. The hospital was criticized for allowing the transplanting of organs without the consent of next-of-kin. Kanou was placed on administrative leave while they investigate the case. However, he has since left town without notice. I can't help but find the circumstances suspicious."
"Are you saying that this... That this was done to me on purpose?"
"I'm only considering the possibility. Without asking Dr. Kanou directly, there's no way to know for sure."
Hide looked angry, "I want to find him. That operation changed my life and almost ruined it. I want to know why he did it."
"One of our duties as a Ghoul haven is to ensure the safety of all who use this place. Any outside forces that would seek to destroy the peace we've created here are dealt with quickly. If Kanou is experimenting with Ghoul-Human hybrids, he must be stopped at all costs. I know you've been through a troubling experience, but it would help us greatly if you'd assist us, Hide. From what we witnessed yesterday, you have a powerful kagune and regenerative ability. We could use someone with your strengths."
"We only came here to get Hide some food so he didn't have to go hungry," I said nervously. They wanted Hide to put himself in danger, and I didn't want that to happen. I just wanted us to get our lives back to some semblance of normal again.
"It's okay Kaneki; I want to help them. It's only fair since they're giving me what I need to survive."
"We barely survived yesterday, Hide. I know you feel obliged to help, but this would mean having to put yourself in danger and possibly get hurt or killed..."
"I want answers, and because of yesterday, I know that I need to get stronger. This is my chance to do that. I know you don't agree, and I'm sorry, but this is something I need to do."
"No, I don't agree, but I won't let you go through it alone either, so you have my support, always."
Yoshimura stood up and bowed to the both of us, "You both have my thanks for supporting Anteiku. It warms my heart to see humans and Ghouls taking care of each other. I can only hope for a time when places like Anteiku won't be necessary, and Ghouls can live without fear. But that's just an old man's dream, never mind me. Please come back whenever you need more supplies, Hide, and we'll be in touch if we need your help."
We thanked him and went back to my apartment. I gave Hide some privacy while he ate whatever was in the package that he was given. Once he finished eating, he joined me on the couch.
"You must be upset about me joining Anteiku. I'm sorry."
"No, don't be. I should have been more considerate of your feelings. It was unfair of me to make you feel guilty. I was just worried about you. But I believe in your strength, so do your best and come back to me whenever they call for you, okay?"
"I will. I always will, thank you," Hide said as he hugged me. Our exhausting day had become night, and it ended with Hide and I watching TV under our favorite blanket. He fell asleep before me, his head leaning against my shoulder.
I thought back to when I had gone to his apartment after the accident, to find him looking sick and miserable. Now he looked healthier and most importantly, he seemed happy again. I swept his messy hair off from his face and lightly kissed his forehead before getting comfortable and falling asleep. I hoped that our future would have more peaceful nights like this than nights spent apart.
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(Never) Let Him Know