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My Sun, My Supernova	By : ditchgospel Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3283 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 22
- 23
- 24
My Sun, My Supernova

Chapter 23

Monkey Play

Once, a shining sun found a creature trapped in the dark. The sun plucked the
creature from the darkness and bathed it in light, and it was so very bright,
yet somehow also devoid of warmth. The creature soaked it in regardless of the
temperature, and even now, to this day, still does not care about the cold.
Under the intense rays of the sun, within the unwelcoming embrace of its frigid
radiance, the creature thrives, and devotion blooms.

But one day, the light changes.

Now, it no longer shines clearly and predictably, but is instead filtered
through a screen of darkness, and it burns. Oh, how it burns. Yet
the creature is not aware of it. In his molten eyes, the sun is as brilliant as
ever it was, and he remains faithfully devoted, as ever he was.

Forced to struggle on through black shadows, the creature is deeply injured,
burnt clear through to the soul. Now, the only thing holding him together is a
damaged and tormented sun, a sun that has eagerly taken from him and hurt him
and yet never once thanked him for his love, even though it knows it had been
wrong. A sun that turns its shining face away from him and tells him it does not
need him, does not want him. Yet the creature's devotion remains strong,
his longing for the light still intact, and it becomes a raging inferno in his
heart. It rages, and as it does so, it changes.

Devotion becomes obsession.

XXX

"Sanzo! We're under attack!"

Goku's cry of warning cuts through the air, and instantly, Gojyo and Hakkai
are on alert. As quickly as Hakkai is on his feet, Gojyo's weapon is in his
hand, and in a split-second's notice they are ready to fight, ready to kill and
ready to defend, no matter what they may be up against.

Sanzo's reaction to the sudden threat is more delayed, less interested. His
perceptions of reality, distorted as they have become, do not register any
danger. He simply sits up casually, distracted by the carcinogenic smoke
drifting away from the cigarette held between his fingers, watching it curl up
into the night sky to mingle with the more aromatic smoke of the wood fire.
Vaguely, he wonders why there isn't also a plume of smoke spewing from his ears,
and this thought troubles him. Frowning, he tilts his head to one side and slaps
the opposite ear with his palm, hoping to unblock the smoke and perhaps clear
his head a little.

The sudden, serious quiet that has descended upon them since Goku's shout
remains unbroken, except for the crackling of the campfire. Sanzo swings his leg
over the log to sit facing in the direction that Goku's voice had come from. As
the soles of his bare feet press lightly against the cool grass, something
catches his attention, and he stares out into the night, heedless of the smoke
stinging his eyes. His gaze comes to rest on a set of inhuman eyes that shine
eerily in the dark, like those of some wild animal hesitant about approaching
the fire.

Goku is watching him from the shadows.

Catching his breath, both fascinated and all at once hyper-aware, Sanzo
tosses his cigarette carelessly into the fire and licks his lips. Goku is up to
something, a game of some sort, and Sanzo is intrigued. He leans forward
intently, wordlessly whispering Goku's name in a silent plea, although what he
is asking for he does not know. Suddenly, the glowing eyes blink out, vanishing
into the dark. Disappointed and a little anxious, an interesting thought sparks
to life in Sanzo's mind as he digs his fingers into the bark.

His monkey wants to play.

XXX

Hakkai and Gojyo are on edge and listening intently, all senses tuned to pick
up the slightest disturbance. After a moment, Gojyo's voice emits, by the sound
of it rather impatient and annoyed,

"Goku? Where are they?"

Hakkai slowly swivels his head, carefully scanning the perimeter of the small
clearing, and, as he does so, Goku's voice calls out again, high pitched and
slicing through the shadows.

"Over here! I didn't even see 'em 'til they were right in front of me! They... they say they wanna talk to Sanzo. I... Hakkai... you can't let them...

Something crashes in the bushes, followed by a loud crack.

"Goku!"

There is a simultaneous shout from both Hakkai and Gojyo before each
concentrate on the position of Goku's voice, homing in on the location. What
could possibly have surprised Goku so totally? What in all hell
are they up against? Gojyo catches Hakkai's eye and gestures in Sanzo's
direction. Following this brief and wordless exchange, Hakkai nods almost
imperceptivity, and Gojyo responds with a slight tensing of the muscles around
his eyes and mouth. For better or for worse, the decision has been made.

"Hey, blondie, here's your chance. Make us proud."

So saying, Gojyo tosses Sanzo his gun.

XXX

Faced as they are now with an uncertain and potentially very dangerous
adversary, Sanzo needs all the protection he can get. Even if giving him his gun
puts Hakkai and Gojyo at risk of becoming targets themselves, then that is
simply a necessary gamble. They will not endanger Sanzo just to save themselves
from additional danger, and if he turns against them now, then so be it. They'll
just have to watch their backs. However, judgment tells them that they are most
likely beyond the point of having to worry about Sanzo turning the gun on them,
or on himself.

Most likely.

As for Sanzo, he doesn't pause to consider why the gun is being returned to
him now. As soon as the familiar object lands in his possession, he wraps his
hands longingly and possessively around its metallic shape, thrilled by the
contact so long forbidden to him. This weapon has over time become almost like a part of him, and being able to hold it now serves to fill one of the many empty spaces inside his heart. This reunion with a lifeless piece of steel is a moment of comfort and triumph.

As a result, Sanzo is not paying any attention to Hakkai at all, so entranced
is he by the weapon beneath his fingers. For the moment, he has even forgotten
that Goku has invited him to play his mysterious game. So he does not notice
Hakkai remove his headband. Beneath the strip of cloth, the green-eyed man still
sports the fake chakra, meticulously kept in place just in case it is needed. It
is only when Hakkai's voice rings out clearly into the night, filtering through
the trees and into the impenetrable darkness beyond, that Sanzo freezes at the
words that strike him like instant frostbite.

"I am Genjo Sanzo. Show yourselves. I do not conduct business with
shadows."

Sanzo's mood of feverish excitement snaps immediately in the sub-zero
temperature of the cold front that suddenly hits him smack in the face.

XXX

Hakkai says he is Genjo Sanzo?

Sanzo blinks in disbelief, the icy wave passing over and leaving numb shock
in its wake.

Hakkai is Sanzo?

Disbelief quickly crosses over into confusion, and a virtual explosion of
fireworks comes to sudden, vicious life in his head, causing him to wince from
illusory, non-existent pain.

How can Hakkai be Sanzo? Hakkai cannot be Sanzo, because Genjo Sanzo does
not exist.

Confusion darkens and spreads, rapidly becoming suspicion and doubt.

Why is Hakkai saying this? Why?

Finally, suspicion hovers precariously on the brink of anger.

How dare Hakkai say that? How dare he.

The distinctive click is very loud as Sanzo cocks the gun. The sound
pleases him like nothing else, and it instills a dose of confidence to his
trembling hands. Forced to flinch every time the fire assaults his senses in an
internal attack of mental chaos, he clutches the gun tightly as an anchor to
reality, and anchor that has been pitched overboard in blind desperation, and
which has landed in the heart as a result, instead of in the ground. It is
dragging him under, even as he struggles to make it keep him afloat. Shaking, he
braces his feet up against the log, struggling to aim and focus on his target,
which just so happens to be the back of Hakkai's head.

Sanzo's thoughts are racing and exploding, turning in on themselves in a mess
of distorted agitation,

'Hakkai is not Sanzo. Sanzo is dead. Hakkai is trying to confuse me. There
is no more Genjo Sanzo. Bad Sanzo. He must be
punished. Punished. Yes.'

'Take away his mind.'

'Yes!'

'Take away his gun, his scripture, his name.

'Yes!'

'His soul?'

'Oh, Yes, that too. Especially that.'

'Take away his monkey?'

'NO!'

'No, not him, not Goku, not my monkey. No one can take him away.'

'But you can't keep him.'

'Then I will send him away myself.'

'But... Hakkai is not Sanzo, and he cannot have any of those things. Hakkai
is not Sanzo. Hakkai cannot be Genjo Sanzo.'

'Make it stop. Make Hakkai stop.'

Hakkai and Gojyo glance at Sanzo when they hear the gun being readied, and
Gojyo mutters a curse. Sanzo responds with a short, sharp laugh. He can barely
breath and he can barley think, but he can hold a gun, and he remembers how to
use it. Oh, yes, he remembers. And his Goku is out there, out there among
the trees in the dark, hiding, playing, and he swears he can hear the
monkey, silently laughing along with him in his head. Is this fun? Is
this a game? Confused, Sanzo asks it aloud.

"Hakkai, is this... a game? Goku... is he playing with us? But...
he didn't tell us the rules. Silly monkey didn't tell us the rules. Now it's too
late. I have to make my own rules."

Gojyo sucks in his breath and practically hisses at Sanzo.

"Hey. You need to save those bullets for the enemy."

Sanzo only looks more confused, blinking with uncertainty behind the security
of the loaded gun as he wonders aloud.

"Enemy?"

Hakkai shifts his stance slightly, cocking his head in thought, as he
considers Sanzo's words. Somehow, they seem to hold some hidden
significance.

"What do you mean... is Goku playing with us?"

Seeming to catch some of the drift of Hakkai's concern, Gojyo lets out a
breath and grits his teeth, adjusting his grip on the weapon in his hands. The
tension builds as the silence stretches on. As if to break this agonizing
silence, Sanzo begins to hum, the sound droning softly from his throat upon each
exhale of breath. Tensing his legs, he pushes back against the log until his
muscles begin to tremble and ache. He interrupts his wordless chant to whisper
an uneasy complaint.

"I don't... like this game."

"Then end it."

Goku's voice again.

Hakkai, although he is beginning to suspect he already knows the answer,
calls out into the dark,

"Goku. Where is the enemy?"

Goku snickers darkly; a sound that immediately puts Hakkai on edge.

"The enemy? You wanna know where the enemy is? Maybe... Maybe it's
you."

Goku suddenly steps out of the shadows, into the light of the
fire.

XXX

There is nothing different about Goku's appearance now. But yet something has
changed. His face and body are set with hard anger, and something else as well.
There is a need in his eyes, a hunger, like a beast deprived of
the basic necessities of survival.

Hakkai utters Goku's name softly even as another curse slips from Gojyo's
tongue. Sanzo gasps sharply, muscles finally giving out. He slips from his perch
on the log and crumples to his knees on the ground, the gun falling from his
grasp. In Sanzo's eyes Goku is...

Ferocious, demanding, all claws and fangs.

In his eyes, Goku has become...

Wild, savage, dangerous.

A beast.

Recent memories flash through Sanzo's mind, twisted memories made more
distorted still by his confusion and mental unrest. Memories of a time spent
running mad with something purely demonic, unleashed by his very own hand.
Memories of a dark time filled with horror and blood and physical hurt, a time
that had seemed perfect but which now lives on in his mind only as a
nightmare.

Now, despite himself, despite the sudden dread and terror that seize his
heart and make it pound violently in his chest, Sanzo is overcome also with a
delicious shiver of anticipation and a strange, deep and forbidden longing. For
within the depths of that terrible dream come true, he had obtained something
wonderful, something elusive. He had found it and he had lived it,
even if, ultimately, it had been wrong. Even though he had wound up
injecting a bullet through his own heart just to make it stop. Even if in
the end, it had proved to be impossible to keep.

However tainted it may have been, he had found peace.

Looking at Goku now, Sanzo's breath strangles in his throat, and he feels as
if his heart will stop. For, in his eyes, Goku is that monster once again, and
he has returned to play one more wicked game.

Calmly, so very calmly that it even manages to reach through to Sanzo and
bring him back to reality a little, Hakkai poses a question.

"So, Goku. What are the rules of this game?"
- 22
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My Sun, My Supernova