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Innocent Rain	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3947 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
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Chapter 23�Memory

October 30, 2013�The Dark Order, Main Branch

�� The warning bells
rang all through Headquarters, and consequently, through the Ark. Allen had
told them to stay inside, though, and Lavi didn�t want to break that particular
promise. Oodzuchi was in his hand, activated, just as Mugen was in his lover�s.
Yuu looked fierce and ready for battle, an expression that Lavi had always
appreciated. It was angry, yes, but it was calculating and determined, and it
made Lavi�s heart melt a little. He would never tell Yuu that, though.

�� Looking on the
projection, Lavi gasped. He had known that the enemy knew where they were, but
the scene taking place outside the Dark Order was simply absurd. Out in front
of the gate was Road Kamelot, and even more bizarre was the fact that Allen and
Lenalee were hugging her. He had
realized that they were Noah�no one could deny the stigmata, however heavenly,
on their foreheads. They seemed to be of a different sort, though, and Lavi did
not fear them. They were still the same people, and their Innocence did not
reject them. Rather, every time they activated, it burned a beautiful,
heart-piercing gold. It was the color of the Noahs�
eyes, that was true, but it was shining and pleasant.

�� He watched as
General Kabbah and the two remaining Exorcists in her group�they had gotten
missives from her on the twenty-eighth of September, along with a casket
containing Bak�s body�walked (or flew, in Krista�s case) to Road�s side in a
show of support.

�� This is insane,�
he heard Yuu�s buttery voice say, and Lavi nodded in agreement.

�� Let�s see what�s goin� on,� he muttered. Yuu nodded, and together, they ran
to the gate, knocking innocent Science Department geeks and Finders out of the
way in their urgency.

�� The scene in front
of them was the same as it had been projected. Looking on Allen and Lenalee�s
faces, Lavi saw no signs of Noah possession�blank looks and stars on foreheads
being two. That relieved him somewhat, but he was still on edge, and next to
him, exactly five centimeters away, Yuu seemed to be in the same state of mind.
In fact, he was growling a little. It was kind of cat-like. And it was kind of
arousing.

�� But Lavi couldn�t
think that right now. He had to find out just what the fuck was going on and
why Road was here in the first place. He opened his mouth to ask, but at that
moment, Road looked directly into his eyes. Two deeply sorrowful golden eyes
met his solitary, analytical green one. A moment passed between them, and Lavi
somehow knew that she was feeling
repentant. Her gaze shifted to his side, and he noted Emiko�s position next to
Yuu, Vikram at her side despite the awkwardness between the two of late.

�� Road�s eyes
widened for a second, and all of a sudden, the sorrow was replaced with a pain
that rained on the world from just her look. She screamed out, high and
unrestrained, gritty with its force. It reminded Lavi of Allen when he was in
acute pain at the hands of the Fourteenth.

�� A transformation
so stunning and so complete that Lavi nearly dropped Oodzuchi came over the
petite Noah. The first thing he noticed was how the ashen skin seemed to bleed
away into the ground, where it dissolved into nothingness. Then, her eyes began
to bleed profusely, not stopping as hair extended, long and beautiful, beyond
her shoulders. It waved here and there as hair was wont to do, and its beautiful deep, shining black hue caressed her back as
it cascaded almost lusciously down. After only a few seconds, when the hair had
completed its revival�that was the only term Lavi could think of�her eyes bled
away all signs of gold. Road blinked over, obviously in pain, at the now large
group of Exorcists, and Lavi saw dark, crystalline blue, a shade deeper than
the finest sapphire. Her stigmata bled into her eyelashes, but when it finally
yielded just moments later, it had the same divine, heavenly look as Allen and
Lenalee�s. Though she was blood-covered and quivering heavily in the
white-haired Exorcist�s arms, Lavi could not help but think of her as
beautiful.

�� It was not, he
amended a moment later, as if he was attracted to her. He was simply admiring
her beauty for what it was�just as he admired Lenalee for her pretty brown eyes
and silken black hair or Amanda for her strange but cute accent. He felt no
butterflies in his stomach. The only one he could ever truly admire in ways of
looks was Yuu. But he was not thinking of that right now, dammit. He understood now why Bookman had told him that attachments
made it hard to concentrate. Not that he would ever give his sun up.

�� Road arose from
her huddled position in Allen�s arms. She looked straight through Lavi,
piercing him in place as if using one of her bizarre candles. He couldn�t move,
couldn�t even take his eyes from her as she walked slowly, haltingly, over to
him.�� Yuu stirred anxiously (though
he would never admit it) as Road approached, cautiously embracing Lavi as if he
was precious and loved.

�� I am so sorry,�
she said softly, looking up into Lavi�s eye. Again, he was caught in her
beauty�s spell. �I broke you.�

�� Lavi cleared his
throat, which had suddenly become very tight. Smiling slightly, he said just as
quietly, �sometimes things that need to be fixed need to be broken first. You
healed me, Road, or at least, you allowed me to heal myself.� It surprised him
that he had suddenly forgiven her for meddling in his brain, breaking down
barriers surrounding emotions that should never have been allowed out. He was
somehow impossibly grateful, and he gulped, clearing his throat again, trying
to hold back tears that suddenly wanted to flow from his eyes, ruined or not.

�� He felt Yuu�s hand
delicately slip into his own, and his heart swelled. Road glanced down at their
joined hands fleetingly and then smiled.

�� You seem� happy.
I am glad, but� I still broke you.�

�� Yes,� Lavi
agreed, and Road�s face crumpled just slightly. �Thank you.�

�� Road�s tears,
still mixing with the blood left in and around her eyes, fell steadily down her
cheeks, and she nodded, knowing that Lavi completely forgave her for all she
had done to him. She turned to Emiko�Lavi wondered why and immediately wanted
to know what Road had done to the poor girl-boy, who Vikram was physically
restraining, despite the girl-boy�s obvious attempts to get free.

�� Emiko�-chan?�
Road asked softly, her voice breaking on the last syllable. Lavi knew at once
that she wouldn�t try to hug the girl�Lavi decided that was the best thing to
call her, seeing as she was in drag at the moment. Road was smart. She knew
Emiko had boundaries.

�� Fuck you!� Emiko shouted, her voice the rich tenor of a man.

�� I broke you, too.
I�m not asking forgiveness. What I did to you can�t be forgiven. But I�m so
sorry, Sasaki. I was� corrupted by the Earl�s influence. I� wasn�t in my right
mind at the time. Please, please, if
there is anything you want me to do for you, I won�t
hesitate to do it. If you want to kill me, go ahead!� She hung her head, arms
at her sides, and when she gazed back up at the other girl, her tears had
doubled yet again. �Please, just� I�m so sorry.
If I could go back, I�d stop myself. I�m just��

�� Shut the fuck
up,� Emiko said sharply, and her voice was back in its chiming falsetto. �You
ruined my life, don�t go apologizing
for it.� She spat out the last phrase with such venom and hate that Lavi
shivered against it just a little bit. From Road�s stricken face, she had been
similarly affected.

�� I know, and if
there�s anything I can��

�� Just don�t ever
talk about it! I�m fine! I live with what I�ve become every day, and I don�t
need you sniveling around me trying to��

�� Emiko!�
Vikram snapped, and the girl shut up. A tear ran down Emiko�s face, but
otherwise, she remained stoic, not breaking her composure even to wipe the tear
away.

�� Do you never want
to see me again?� Road asked in a small voice. It was that of a child who knew
she was hated.

�� No,� Emiko
snapped sharply, her voice flinty and yet emotionless.

�� Road nodded. �I
understand. I will avoid you.� Turning to Allen and Lenalee, she walked back to
them, her pace just as slow and uneven. She fell back into their arms,
obviously unable to support herself. Lavi felt a vague sort of pity coil around
in his gut, and he had a horrible feeling that it was aimed toward Road
Kamelot.

�� The gates slammed
open, and Lavi flinched at the sudden sound on his too-sensitive ears as the
Director walked out. He paused as he saw Road.

�� What�s� going on
here?� He asked eloquently. Lavi wanted to know, too, although he had some
ideas.

�� Actually, Road,
I�d like to know, too,� Allen said quietly, placing her back on her feet only
to have her crumple down into his arms again. He grimaced lightly and held her,
obviously not willing to let her go for fear of attack.

�� I� need to be
here. Faith said I needed to be here. With you, Allen,
Lenalee. With her Heart.�

�� Allen nodded
gravely. �Welcome to the Dark Order, Road,� he said softly. Lavi froze, and for
once, his brain stopped working.

�� Say wha�?� The Director asked, his
speech just as eloquent as it had been before.

�� Perhaps you
should explain fully once we�re inside. Director, would you mind if we use your
office? I think the Generals�oh, and Lavi and Kanda, too, since they are
extraordinarily powerful�should hear what she has to say,� Allen requested, but
they all knew it was an order.

�� The Director
nodded mutely but didn�t move.

�� Is there a
problem, Director?� Allen asked, and Lavi sensed his dark side coming into
play.

�� To allow a Noah��

�� I am here. You
know I possess the memories of the Fourteenth. You have seen that Lenalee and I
now carry the true stigmata. You are obviously avoiding confronting that topic,
but apparently, Lenalee and I are connected to the Noah. You see Road in front
of you, cleansed of her past sins and the millennia of corruption the Earl has
imposed on her. Not allowing her a moment of your time to explain how she came
to be here is close to sacrilege, and I won�t have that in this Order. There
has been enough corruption, enough closed-mindedness. Let her in, and if you
still don�t trust her intentions, I will not blame you, but she is staying.
This stigmata symbolizes our relationship as siblings
of sorts, and I cannot turn down one I love�and yes, I do love her, somehow�when she needs sanctuary.�

�� Lavi blinked. He
hadn�t heard Allen go off on a speech like that since the day before the final
battle.

�� The Director
nodded in silent, stunned acquiescence, and he led the way to his office,
looking bewilderedly at passersby. If any of the Science Departmenters
or Finders thought Road�s presence strange, they didn�t mention it, instead
keeping to themselves and gazing away, coughing as if afraid
of interrupting the proceedings.

�� When they reached
the office, the Director turned on Road, staring her down. He had apparently
regained his voice on the walk back, and he seemed to want to exercise it now.

�� Explain to me
what�s going on. I am willing to listen.�

�� Road took a deep,
almost agonizing, breath, and she began her tale. �Perhaps I should start at
the very beginning, with Noah. He was the man chosen by God, chosen to lead the
world, chosen as a new Adam of sorts. He and his wife had a daughter, and they
named her Faith, since she was the embodiment of their faith in God. Noah lived
a long life, and when he died, he passed his� spirit, so to speak, on to his
daughter. The thing is, Noah was a very strong man, and his emotions were far
too powerful for the young, fourteen-year-old girl to handle. I was released
first, almost within hours of Noah�s death. In Greece, I was conceived, and
when I was sixteen, I had a very strange dream about a beautiful girl with
heavenly stigmata. She looked at me, and I looked at her, and I knew I had to
find her. That was the first time I created a door.

�� Faith released
many others, including her Innocence, which was too powerful even to be held in
a human host�whole, anyway. At first, she tried splitting it in half, but it
could not be handled even when its power was weakened, so she shattered it,
spread it across the world, hoping that would disperse the power enough to be
handled. She still felt very strong bonds to it, so she kept the two strongest
pieces�those who would form her �heart,� so to speak�to herself.

�� Like all things,
though, the two pieces were lost. One day, they simply vanished, and Faith knew
they would appear again to her. Or so she hoped. Decades passed, and Faith felt
the Innocence bond with humans or objects to be wielded by humans, and it made
the race just that much stronger.�

�� Road paused for
breath, which came in shaking gasps, as if each word she had just spoken was
taking a huge effort. Bracing herself with another fortifying breath, she went
on.

�� She released
Love, Envy, Pleasure, Passion, and Lust. Lust was different, though. She was
Noah�s Form as well, and she could take on many different ones herself. To this
day, none of us truly understood her, not even Faith, I don�t think. But the
story does not revolve around Lust. It revolves around Love.

�� Sarah was the
sweetest, most caring young woman I knew. She cared for us all�Faith
included�as if she was our mother, and we all loved her. Cyril the most, I
think, besides Faith. Faith adored
her, thought of her almost as that loving aunt figure who
always, always cares for you despite what your mother thinks. Love was� Sarah
was��

�� Road�s voice
softened until they could hear it no longer, and when she finally reached an
audible dynamic again, her voice was haunted. �But all good things come to an
end. Sarah was killed by the very Innocence that Faith thought would heal the
world simply by being.� She laughed bitterly. �They called Love a heathen, said
she was ungodly. If only they knew��

�� She was silent for
a long time, and when the Director motioned for her to continue, she did not.
It was like she could not voice what had happened, and Lavi couldn�t really
blame her. She was probably still very much in pain, and just speaking at all
seemed to be a monumental effort. Allen put a comforting hand on her shoulder
(his other hand occupied holding Lenalee�s), and it seemed that Road was
finally able to continue.

�� I will never
forget that day,� she said softly. �Something broke inside of Faith as she saw the Innocence-ridden cross plunged
through Sarah�s chest. I felt it break; the others did, too. When we looked
over at Faith, something very, very wrong
was happening. That was the day the Earl was born.�

�� The Director
coughed, obviously interrupting. �Are you saying the Earl is a Noah?� He asked,
his voice both incredulous and accusing, as if Road could have stopped the
events in the past from happening.

�� Yes. He is
Revenge, and as we all know, revenge breeds Sorrow. It feeds on sorrow almost,
and it feels the need to create more.�

�� Lavi�s brain
quickly worked through the connotations of those words. �Akuma?�
He asked in wonder. Road nodded.

�� All Akuma are
Noah�s Sorrow, twisted beyond recognition into killing machines that in turn
feed on more sorrow until the world is a cold, desolate place.�

�� Lavi felt Yuu�s
hand tighten just slightly in his. He looked over at the man in the corner of
his left eye and saw that his lover seemed� dumbfounded. Squeezing Yuu�s hand
just as subtly, he smiled lightly, lifting only the corners of his mouth. A
silent message passed between the two of them: I understand you are confused and will explain it properly to you
later.

�� Lavi thought Yuu
looked thankful, but Road continued her story at that moment, and he could no
longer think of his lover, despite his mind�s almost obsessive need to.

�� Faith fell asleep
for a long time after that. Occasionally, she would release another emotion,
but she slept for millennia as the Earl took control, twisting us all beyond our
moral capacity. Perhaps that is why Strength was born in the late fifties.
After losing Bonds, she felt that we were even more vulnerable to the Earl�s
control, and she wanted to send us something to help�even though I was the only
one left.� Her voice dripped with an almost mournful tune at the end, but Road
continued, wearing only a small, bitter grimace. �Strength is Noah�s Moral
Strength. Or he was supposed to be, but the Earl corrupted him, too. He doesn�t
know the true story, so he only follows the Earl�s orders. I followed them
because I thought that�s what Faith wanted, but when she woke up a few months
ago, it soon became apparent that she didn�t. At first, I tried to ignore it,
thought that maybe it was just a �phase� or something. Obviously, it wasn�t, or
I wouldn�t be here.

�� One day, the Earl
told her something, and it scared her. That�s all I know, but after that, he drugged her, forced her into sleep
again.� Anger swelled in her voice, but thankfully, Allen�s grip on her
shoulder had become a warning not to lose herself again. �Then
Chaz, he� with Artemis. Oh, Artemis.
When I found out, I was so horrified. Not even Tyki at his worst would torture
someone like that. Oh, God, the things
he did to her! I looked in on his dreams one night, and he was dreaming about it, and DEAR GOD, WHY!?�

�� It seemed Road
couldn�t go on, and everyone watched as she broke down completely, tears
washing away the last of the blood on her face. Allen took her completely into
his arms, where she shook as she cried softly.

�� I tried to save
her�I left a door open, gave her a brand for a crutch�but Chaz caught up with
her, and he� he killed her! I couldn�t do any more than that without the Earl
noticing! But he did notice! And he
came after me. Faith told me to find a safe place to stay, so when I eventually
found Cyrah�s group, I had the idea of staying with the Heart.�

�� The
Heart?� The Director questioned. �What are you saying?�

�� Allen and Lenalee
are Faith�s Heart, the Heart of her Innocence, the two
strongest pieces of the larger whole. I am safe with them, and I want to join
the cause. The Earl should not be allowed to live any longer. He needs�� Road
swallowed with some difficulty and steeled her tone. ��He needs to be killed,�
she finished.

�� Lavi was stunned.
Road�s story made everything make sense,
in a twisted, perverted way. Somehow, everything revolving around Noah was
something they had all known but had failed to grasp. He sighed as Road broke
down yet again. Her story was food for much thought, and he wasn�t sure how
much sleep he would get that night. Bookman or not, Lavi would be thinking
about this until the wee hours of the morning, because even this was more
pleasant than his dreams. Not that that mattered.

�� The Director
nodded. �I think�� he said hoarsely, ��that you should be allowed to stay
here.�

�� From the set of
everyone�s faces, there was no disputing that decision.

�� Someone in the
corner coughed loudly, and Lavi looked over, noticing not for the first time a
scrawny man of around forty staring intently at the group of Exorcists. Bookman, Lavi thought immediately. The
clan wouldn�t have missed this, not for anything in the world. This war was
simply too important to be left off any record, let alone that of the Bookman
clan. The man caught his eye for a moment before looking back at Road.

�� For clarity�s
sake, you are saying that the Earl is a Noah, the Innocence is a Noah, and
Generals Walker and Lee are its Heart?� The Bookman asked, though Lavi knew he
had already figured this out. Whose
benefit is this explanation for? He thought. Looking at the confused
Director, he found his answer.

�� Road nodded in
confirmation, her tears finally drying. �May I have accommodations in the Ark?
Because of Sebastian�s presence in it, I think I may feel more at home.�

�� If anyone was
wondering who in the hell Sebastian was, they didn�t question it, allowing Road
to be led away by Allen and Lenalee. Squeezing their still connected hands,
Lavi gestured to Yuu that they should leave. A hand caught his shoulder as he
walked out.

�� You are� Liam?�
The Bookman asked. Lavi shook his head.

�� I am Lavi�Liam is
my past. What do you need?�

�� The Bookman�s eyes
flitted to their connected hands and back, almost too quickly for an untrained
eye to see. Lavi felt a slight annoyance rise in his stomach.

�� There are some
things I need to speak to you about�privately.� The Bookman shifted his eyes to
Yuu, nodding slightly, as if Lavi or his lover couldn�t get the picture.

�� Lavi knew better
than to try to fight the Bookman on the matter of company and removed his hand
from Yuu�s. The Japanese man looked subtly surprised and almost� confused. Lavi
couldn�t blame him. In any other situation, he would have insisted that Yuu
stay. This, obviously, was to be a conversation between Bookmen, and such a
conversation included cutting off emotions. Yuu didn�t need to see that, and
Lavi didn�t think he could do it with the other man in the room.

�� Gome, Yuu, I�ll see you in a while. I don�t
know how long�could be minutes, could be hours. Don�t worry, though, I�ll stop
by if it�s gonna take a long time.�

�� Yuu nodded almost
curtly and left the room, his back just slightly too straight. Lavi knew he was
angry from the set of his jaw, but his back was impossibly tense as he left the
room, and the redhead was more than a little worried. Still, he was glad that
Yuu was able to show his emotions, if only a little. He had a long way to go,
and Lavi didn�t know if his lover would ever be able to fully express himself.

�� Come into my
office,� the Bookman said, leading him down a path that filled Lavi with dread.
He knew this path, probably more intimately than any
other path in the Order, save for the one to Yuu�s room. After all, how could
he ever forget how many times he had traversed the distance between Bookman�s
room and the Director�s office?

�� Lavi�s stomach
sank with dread as they turned the corner and headed toward the room next to
the library. It sank further when the Bookman stopped in front of the room he
had once come to enjoy and unlocked it. A vague memory twitched in his brain,
and he thought of how Bookman had locked the room, too, saying that the secrets
must always be protected, if only by a thin lock.

�� Catching Lavi�s
disbelieving stare, the Bookman shrugged and grinned. �It�s to keep the secrets
in, to keep them��

�� Safe, I know,�
Lavi interrupted, not having the patience for that train of thought. �Why do
you want me here?� He asked as he sat down on what had once been his bed. He
was surprised it was still there, but then he saw a little kid of maybe five
scrawling notes at Lavi�s old desk. His heart ached for the little girl whose
life would be so destroyed by the path she had chosen.

�� Lily, leave now,�
the Bookman said. The girl looked up, seeming confused.

�� I thought you
said I was supposed to��

�� This matter does
not belong in the record,� the Bookman said firmly.

�� But Master, you
said that everything��

�� Do not question
me.� The Bookman�s voice was as sharp as Yuu�s Innocence.

�� Locking his young
heir out, he took a seat on the bed across from Lavi. �You really are him?� He asked, and Lavi could tell
just from his eyes that he was burning with curiosity. That was probably the
reason the previous Bookman had chosen him.

�� Yes,� Lavi
replied simply.

�� Your Master left
a message with his heir, who in turn left it to me. He knew you would
eventually awaken from your encasement, and he left you an ultimatum: do you
still want to be a Bookman?�

�� Lavi�s eye
widened. Of all the possibilities for this conversation�s path, he had not
thought of this one. �No,� he replied almost immediately, shaking his head just
a little bit. The Bookman gave no emotion away, but a twitch of his eyebrow
belied his true curiosity.

�� May I ask why?�
He asked lightly, almost politely, but still emotionlessly.

�� I found my heart,�
Lavi said simply. He didn�t need to say anything else�the Bookman had seen his
and Yuu�s intertwined hands.

�� Then I have
something for you.� Getting up, he moved over to his bookshelf and picked out
fifteen very thick, very heavy-looking tomes. Lavi looked up at him
questioningly, and the Bookman continued with an explanation. �These are your
Master�s records of his time with you, his concerns about your character, and
his notes on your progress. They�ve never been read except by that Bookman himself,
but he put in his message that if you refused, you were to read these, should you want to.�

�� Lavi nodded and
took the volumes, staggering under their weight. He walked over to the library
and sat them down on a table. He could finish these within a few hours and get
back to Yuu then. Cracking open what seemed to be the first of the fifteen,
Voice walked faintly into his head.

�� Don�t read those alone, he warned, a
strange note of urgency in his voice.

�� Why not? Lavi asked. He didn�t have
anyone he really wanted to read these with.

�� Just listen to me once, asshole. You don�t want to read those alone.

�� Lavi scoffed aloud
and picked the books up from the table, carrying them with no small effort up
to Yuu�s room. Kicking on the door, he shouted in a very strained voice, �Yuu! Lemme in! �S heavy!�

�� The door opened
far too slowly for Lavi�s liking, and Yuu looked at him with the strangest
expression. It was confusion, exasperation, and something that looked
suspiciously like amusement.

�� I�m not helping
you carry those rabbit,� he said, taking the top few volumes from Lavi�s aching
arms.

�� Sure y�aren�t,� Lavi grunted, bypassing Yuu and dropping the
books on the other man�s desk.

�� What�s all this
about?� Yuu asked.

�� They�re Bookman�s
logs about me,� Lavi replied, trying to keep the quaking note from his voice.

�� Oh�you couldn�t
read them in the library?�

�� Voice said I
shouldn�t read them alone,� Lavi said in a hushed tone. Looking concerned, Yuu
sat down on the bed, placing the remaining volumes in his hands on the bedside
table.

�� Lavi stood, unable
to decide what to do. He wanted to read them, but Yuu looked uninterested, and
he didn�t think he could read it with anyone but the older man.

�� Are you going to
get a book and sit down?� Yuu asked almost impatiently from the bed, and Lavi
realized he had misinterpreted the situation. Yuu had never waited for him
before. It was a pleasant feeling, and it made him feel a tiny clenching motion
in his stomach for just a moment. Grabbing the first volume, he sat next to Yuu,
sitting very close to him. Yuu didn�t seem to mind, so Lavi leaned a bit
against the other man and opened the book.

�� I found an apprentice today,� Lavi read.
�His name is Liam, and he has the
potential to become even more observant than me. His right eye in particular is
very strong. He saw the glint of my knife when only the barest hint of blade
was showing. He was able to tell me the exact number of needles in my
acupuncture scroll. And he was able to remember everything I told him. He also
seems very above his age level in language and comprehension. What first caught
my attention was his very detailed and obviously spur-of-the-moment explanation
of Plato�s Republic. I believe that,
should he stay on this course�a fact I will ensure comes to pass�he will become
one of the better Bookmen of the clan.�

�� Lavi looked up at
Yuu, who grunted in interest. �Plato�s
Republic?� He asked, disbelieving.

�� Lavi nodded
mutely. �Yeah, it was a really good read,� he said. Shrugging, he added,
�interesting, too.�

�� Yuu grunted
noncommittally and gestured for Lavi to read more.

---

November 5, 2013�The Dark Order,
Allen�s Ark

�� Road, it turned
out, was a very insightful, if childish, individual, and over the course of the
past week, the Exorcists and other Order members alike had been forced to see
that. She was often seen outside, searching for Akuma for them, but each day,
she came back in with a discouraged look on her face.

�� It�s not that I
don�t feel them,� she�d explained the previous day. �It�s just that they�re not
here. I can�t tell where they are,
but I know there are still overpowering in number.�

�� The connotations
of those words were not lost on Allen, and he wondered just how the Akuma
problem would be solved. This was a war, and if the other side was still more
powerful, then there was no way they could possibly hope to win. The Earl
himself was impossibly strong, but there were only so many Exorcists. It seemed
that the number and levels of the Akuma would decide it, and that idea didn�t
sit very well with Allen.

�� You�re wrong, Moyashi, Sebastian
muttered in his head. This time, you�ve
got Noahs on your side. And we have Faith. Faith decides everything, or were
you not listening to Road the other day?

�� But there�s still the Earl, Allen
reasoned. Sebastian shook his head, disagreeing.

�� But you�re the Heart, he countered.
Allen had nothing to say to that.

�� He passed Road in
the alleyway that headed toward the Exorcists� square, noting as he did so that
she looked tired. He remembered passing her room the night before and hearing
screams. He wondered how often she�d been having nightmares. Judging by the
large, dark bruises beneath her eyes, there hadn�t been a night when she�d
slept dream-free. Perhaps that made sense, though, seeing as she was the Noah
of Dreams.

�� The past few days
had been interesting as all the members of the Order had slowly gotten used to
Road�s presence. Most people avoided her, obviously afraid that she would
betray them, but Allen had sought to incorporate her with the main group, and
after some initial shyness, Road had taken to Amanda swimmingly. They had spent
the previous night talking about girly products and brushing each other�s hair.
Allen supposed he should let the frivolities go, as Amanda seemed to need a new
best friend, but when they had come out wearing pink, frilly negligees, he had
had to draw the line.

�� Oh, Road, there
you are!� Amanda exclaimed from farther down the alley.

�� Allen grimaced
lightly. Speak of the devil, and she will
come� sporting the pink negligee she bought the other day, he thought
wryly.

�� Allen? Oh, good,
I don�t have to look for you.�

�� Allen stopped in
his tracks. He didn�t want to be involved in this. They�d already tried to get
him dressed up in girl clothing once. It had not ended well for any of them�or
for Amanda�s wardrobe. The worst part was Lenalee�s enthusiastic presence.

�� Road, I need your
help,� Amanda said, coming up beside the two of them. �I had the most
disturbing dream last night, and I was hoping you could help me interpret it or
something.�

�� Road looked
distinctly uncomfortable. �That�s not really my area of expertise,� she said
awkwardly, obviously not wanting to refuse but unable to actually help.

�� Well, it wasn�t
so much disturbing as� weird as hell,� Amanda amended. Road�s expression became
questioning.

�� Maybe I saw it
last night?� She said. Allen had no clue what she was talking about. �So tell
me, and maybe I can help?�

�� Okay, so last
night, I dreamt that I was eating Allen.�

�� Allen�s jaw
dropped, and he blanched. �What?� He
spluttered, incredulous.

�� Yeah�see, that�s
why I wanted you here. Anyway, this wasn�t just like nom, nom, nom eating or eating
eating�if you catch my drift��

�� Allen turned
green. He didn�t like where this was going.

�� But full-on,
Hannibal Lector, knife and fork in hand, sawing through Allen�s skin like a
steak eating. And he was laughing and
saying, �hey, Amanda, stop that, that tickles!�� Amanda
stopped abruptly, seemingly unable to continue. She looked down almost
hopelessly. �Can you help me?�

�� Road looked
dumbfounded, and Allen was sure that if he saw himself, he�d be mirroring her
expression exactly. �Er�� She started eloquently.
�Maybe you have cannibalistic tendencies?� She asked. �Or�or maybe you� respect
him? So you were eating him� for his knowledge?�

�� Amanda guffawed. �Psh, no way! Allen�s stupid!� She
laughed, waving a dismissing hand.

�� Well, maybe you
respect the way he can eat like he�s got no stomach?� Road tried.

�� Amanda looked
thoughtful. After a moment, she nodded. �That could be�� she agreed.

�� Allen resisted the
urge to smack himself on the head and walked off, not wanting to hear the end
of the conversation. Unfortunately, they followed him, so he heard it anyway.

�� Oh, I meant to
ask you, but I wanted my dream interpreted first�thanks so much, by the way�but
what did you mean when you said �maybe I saw it last night?�� Amanda asked
conversationally, kicking a tiny pebble annoyingly across the cobblestones.
Allen snapped his fingers, making it disappear. Amanda pouted audibly in disappointment.

�� Exorcists have
horrible dreams,� Road responded, sounding haunted. Allen turned around,
walking backwards so he could face the two girls.

�� What do you mean,
though?� Amanda asked again.

�� I�m Noah�s
Dreams. At night, all the dreams of the people around me flit through my head,
and I normally absorb the strongest dream. The thing is, yours are all
horrible, so they all vie for attention, and I�m forced to watch them all. I
dreamt about genocide last night. Do you know whose that might be?�

�� Amanda and Allen
shared a look. �Lavi,� Amanda said, and Road nodded.

�� I thought so,�
she said miserably. Amanda placed a hand on her shoulder, and though Road still
remained somewhat depressed, she seemed to liven up a bit.

---

November 8, 2013�The Dark Order, Main Branch

�� That better not
be you following me, Rabbit!� Yuu shouted, keeping his fast pace. He heard a
little rabbit-like whimper behind him and sighed. �I told you to stay!�

�� But
Yuuuu!� Lavi whined. �I�m not a doooog!� Sighing again, Yuu turned around, grasping Mugen�s
activated hilt for internal balance.

�� I told you no, rabbit. I can�t concentrate on training when you�re
there� pining after me,� he growled.

�� You know I�m
there?� Either Lavi was an idiot, or he was faking. Judging by how his eye held
genuine shock, Yuu figured it was the first, which wasn�t a comforting thought.

�� Che. Just go bother Moyashi.�

�� But Yuu, you�re
really hot when��

�� Drawing his blade,
he took a swipe at the redheaded rabbit. �What was that?� He asked, pointing
the tip of the blade right under Lavi�s chin. It poked lightly at the other
man�s Adam�s Apple, not quite breaking skin.

�� Nothing, I�ll
go,� Lavi said in a high-pitched voice, raising his hands in a sign of defeat.

�� Che,� Yuu said, turning around and
sheathing his Innocence.

�� He heard Lavi
shuffle away morosely, and he scoffed once more. He walked in silence through
the rest of the crowd, glaring at the passersby, intimidating them just as he
had in the past. It was an enjoyable pastime, really, and Yuu liked it.
Something about people quaking in their boots just from a well-placed glare
made him feel� powerful wasn�t the word he was looking for, but it would have
to suffice, since that was definitely a factor.

�� He sighed as he
took off his Exorcist jacket and wrapped his chest as he always did.
Originally, it had been to hide the Lotus mark, but now it had the added
benefit of covering most of his scars. He didn�t like the idea of training new
techniques when he couldn�t move well. He only trained in his Exorcist jacket
once he had mastered everything enough to do it in his sleep. Sometimes, back
in the past, he had. His tired brain would take him through each step of the
swings he practiced, and when he awoke, he found he was quite rested.

�� Yuu worked himself
into a meditative state of mind as he warmed up his lazy muscles. By the time
he started working with his sword, which was heavier right now to allow ease of
movement later, he was already so far gone in his trance that he didn�t hear
the Little Fucker walk in.

�� He did, however,
feel the strange wind on his neck from the Little Fucker�s wings. Startled, he
dropped his sword, lost his balance, and caught himself in a forward roll so as
not to break his arms. His back would be bruised for all of five seconds�or
however long the Lotus was taking these days�but it was worth avoiding worse
injury.

�� Get the fuck out
of here!� He yelled, picking up his sword and brandishing it at her. She flew
out of reach, and Yuu glared up at her form, contemplating activating his
Fourth Illusion so he could throw it at her. Logically, he knew he could throw
his sword as it was, but it was more satisfying to throw the double-bladed
spear. It made better sounds when it impacted its target. Less shing, more squelch.

�� But then he remembered
he wasn�t allowed to kill Exorcists. Growling in something that came out more
like a frustrated sigh, Yuu allowed Mugen to deactivate and went over to the
shelf of weights in the other corner. He tossed one at her, though it missed.

�� That was mean!�
She shouted, but he ignored it as he began doing sit ups. Eventually, she left,
and when she did, he went back to his swordplay.

�� Walking up the
stairs several hours later, sweaty but satisfied, he didn�t notice her lurking.

�� KANDAAAA!�
She yelled, smacking into him. He lost his balance and fell backward. It took
him only a moment to realize that he was still only at the top of the stairs.
With a thrill of dread, he felt himself fall. He felt his back hit something,
and then star-seeing pain erupted from his skull. And then he was on the
ground, and the Little Fucker was screaming, and all he could do was close his
eyes because he was suddenly so very, very tired�

---

November 8, 2013�The Dark Order,
Allen�s Ark

�� Lavi felt
distinctly unloved. He hadn�t known that Yuu knew he was there. And he did not pine, dammit! He just looked at the body
of his lover as he ran through sword drills and did many laborious exercises.
He loved the way the sweat ran down Yuu�s body and the way that he was always
so concentrated. Simply put, it was gorgeous, especially when he didn�t notice
his hair tie coming out, and his hair flew out everywhere, surrounding his
straining form like a sensuous, black waterfall. And then he�d make a buttery
grunt that would make Lavi melt like ice cream on a hot day, and he would be in
Heaven. He loved watching Yuu train.

�� But Yuu hated it.
Lavi frowned, pouting. It was not like Yuu even needed to train anyway. They
were all stuck in Headquarters until the Akuma returned or they finally got the
Earl�s whereabouts. Lavi had never felt useless as an Exorcist, but he figured
there was a first time for everything, and he loved trying out first things.
Like that time two years before the final battle when he had dyed his hair
black, just for the fun of it. Bookman had nearly killed him, but it had been
almost insanely fun. Until Bookman had shaved his head.
Yuu had laughed at him�well, it was more like the tiniest little snicker and a
small upturn to his lips, but that had equated to the same thing back in the
day.

�� Lavi sighed,
coming to a halt. Apparently, he was missing some time. He hadn�t noticed
before, but now that he thought of it, his memory was very sketchy during the
final year, and it disappeared completely around September. He had confessed
this to Yuu, who had not looked surprised, and Lavi wanted to shake him or kiss
him or do anything until he told Lavi why he had reacted that way.

�� He found Allen and
Lenalee sitting in the Main Plaza of the Ark, holding hands and looking
peaceful. The stigmata they now wore permanently on their foreheads glowed in
the late evening sun. Lavi sat next to them and took a nap. Allen and Lenalee
weren�t far behind him.

�� It was his cell
phone that woke them all up. Flipping it open, Lavi grunted, mumbling a
slurred, �hello?�

�� Lavi, get your
ass to the hospital!� Darcy�s voice was urgent, but in his sleeping state, he
didn�t register it.

�� G�way,� he murmured incoherently.

�� Kanda fell down
the stairs,� Darcy said, and Lavi�s mind snapped awake.

�� What?� He
shouted, dropping the phone and sprinting desperately down the maze of
alleyways until he reached the entrance to the Science Department. As he ran up
the three flights of stairs to the hospital wing, he realized he could have
just woken Allen and had him open a portal, but his heart was racing too fast,
and he was so scared, and�

�� And Yuu was awake,
looking extremely bored and somewhat angry, restrained to the bed. Lavi ran
over to his lover, he of the droopy eyes and heavily bandaged head, and gently
wrapped his arms around him.

�� Thank God you�re
okay,� Lavi breathed, horrified by how corny he sounded but not quite bringing
himself to care. Yuu blinked at him, and Lavi noted that his eyes were slightly
too dilated. Immediately, concern washed through his body.

�� Shut up, rabbit.
I woulda been fine �f tha� Li�l Fucker �adn�t pushed me down the stairs!� He shot a
menacing glare at the curtained-off bed next to him. He flinched, but Lavi�s
attention was soon taken from it as he heard a little squeak from inside.

�� Sorry!� The girl
who had bitten Yuu squealed. Biting down on his fury, Lavi resisted the urge to
go over and bash the girl�s brain in�she had probably not meant to almost kill his sun�and searched Yuu for other signs
of injury.

�� I�ss jus� my head, Baka,�
Yuu slurred.

�� How
bad?� Lavi asked, afraid to know the answer and yet
needing to at the same time.

�� M already
healed,� Yuu grunted. �I�ve been �ere fer five hours.
Where�?� His voice trailed off, and he blinked, swaying a little. �Where were
you?� He finished, sounding a bit drousy.

�� Lavi�s eyes
widened. �Five hours?� He asked and saw Yuu flinch at the sudden, loud noise.
�I only just got a call! I�m gonna kill
Darcy!� He made to run back, but Yuu caught his wrist, which had been close to
the restraints.

�� Whatever,� he
said, looking away, the tiniest hints of a blush high on his cheeks. �They won�
lemme leave, though,� he added after a moment.

�� Well, I�ll keep
ya company until they do, ne?� Lavi
suggested. �Just lemme go grab a book.�

�� Yuu nodded, and
Lavi made to leave the room, stopping in the doorframe and turning back to his
lover. �You never answered my question,� he said.

�� Yuu looked away
again. �It wasn�t� that bad,� he said. Lavi narrowed his eye.

�� Yes, it was. Look
me straight in the face and tell me how bad you were injured.� He tapped his
foot as Yuu looked over and sighed.

�� Jus� a c�ncushun,� he murmured. Lavi�s eye narrowed further.

�� How
bad?� He asked again.

�� Not bad�r I would�nta�� his eyes fell
closed, and Lavi stepped forward to slap him awake. A nurse walked in.

�� Kanda!�
She said, sounding alarmed. She rubbed her knuckles into Yuu�s chest, rousing
the man. He glared angrily at her. �Oh,� she said, noticing Lavi. �Are you here
visiting him?�

�� Lavi nodded. The
nurse clucked.

�� Sorry, visiting
hours just finished, so you�ll have to leave for the day.�

�� Lavi turned and
stormed from the room. He grabbed the latest volume of Bookman�s logs�number twelve�and returned to the hospital ward, Innocence
ablaze.

�� You will let me
visit him!� He ordered, and the nurse nodded, pulling up a chair for him. He
sat down, not caring about how uncomfortable the chair was. �Yuu,� he said to
the delirious man as he opened the large tome to the middle, where they had
last left off. �You are an idiot. You�re not healed at all.�

�� Yuu nodded
gingerly in agreement. �I can�t be,� he said, and Lavi noted that his slurring
was already getting somewhat better. �There�s two of
you.� He abruptly began to cry, looking angry that the tears were flowing at
all.

�� Allen walked into
the room, and Yuu looked at him, tears stopping just as suddenly as he started
to laugh. �Haha, there are three Moyashis,� he cackled. �Imagine
if they were all choking on pretzels.� Lenalee walked in, and Yuu sobered once
more, tears falling from his eyes yet again. Lavi shook his head, not knowing
whether to be amused or worried.

�� He decided on
worriedly amused. Pulling the chair up to Yuu�s still restrained hands, he
intertwined their fingers and read through a few entries. Yuu was silent, and
every few seconds, Lavi ended up distracting himself by checking on his lover�s
condition. Putting the book down as a bad job, he looked up at Yuu once more.

�� Groaning, Yuu
fought lightly against the restraints. �My head hurts,� he said, his words the
clearest they�d been all night.

�� Lavi brought a
hand up and gently ran it through Yuu�s hair, careful to avoid the tangles from
his fall. Yuu leaned into the touch just slightly, and his face relaxed in a
way that would never have happened had he not been severely concussed. He
moaned lightly, and Lavi kept up the soft strokes until Yuu was nearly in a
trance. Lavi was no longer worried that his lover would fall asleep. He seemed
healed enough to be in the safe zone. Leaning forward, Lavi tenderly pressed
his lips to Yuu�s, letting them linger for a moment before pulling back. A deep
coil of passion settled in his stomach, but he ignored it. Yuu didn�t need that
right now.

�� Yuu sighed and
leaned forward, but Lavi continued moving back, leaving his hand in Yuu�s hair
nonetheless.

�� You�re delirious,
Yuu-chan,� he said softly, carding his hands through Yuu�s hair again.

�� I�m not,� he
grunted, and Lavi smiled. �There aren�t two of you anymore,� he insisted.

�� Well,
unfortunately, unlike in Tristan when
they can have sex to cure themselves from their wounds, you need actual rest,
so I refuse to let you seduce me. Especially since I know you don�t like
bondage.� He gazed down at Yuu�s restraints, and the other man strained against
them again. Lightly, almost tenderly, he removed them from Yuu�s wrists. The
look of unadulterated thanks was all Lavi needed to know that he had made the
right decision. �Let�s go back to the room,� he whispered.

�� Yuu nodded,
wincing a bit, and stood up unsteadily. He tilted to one side, though Lavi
caught him before he fell. �Baby steps, Yuu,� he chided. Yuu punched him in the
gut. He was obviously healing, because it hurt.

�� Wait�my book,�
Lavi said abruptly, and he let Yuu go (he swayed unsteadily) and grabbed it
quickly, grasping Yuu again before he fell. �Come on�you�re fine now.�

�� Indeed, Yuu�s
pupils were no longer overly dilated, and the longer they walked, the steadier
his steps became. They walked back to the room, stopping only in the bathroom
so that Lavi could gently rinse the blood from Yuu�s hair.

�� As they sat on the
bed, Lavi opened the volume again. Yuu wrapped an arm around him�at which
Lavi�s heart glowed�and pulled him closer. Flipping to the page, Lavi suddenly
felt himself leaving reality.

�� Voice stood in
front of him. I can�t let you read that
entry�not without you knowing. Ask Yuu to tell you about when you were gone. If
you still wanna read it, I�ll have to juxtapose
myself completely.

�� Lavi nodded in
understanding and turned to Yuu, who was looking confused.

�� What happened
during the time I can�t remember?� He asked.

�� Yuu sighed and
began almost reluctantly to explain, �You left in September. We all knew
something was wrong, because for weeks, Bookman had kept both of you locked in
your room, but none us had any idea why. The day you left, you were crying, and
as Bookman pulled you out of the front gate, you looked at me and your face
shut down. You were gone for six months, and when you came back, you weren�t
Lavi anymore. You didn�t remember anyone, not Allen, not Lenalee, not� me.�

�� Yuu clammed up,
and Lavi squeezed his hand in an invitation to go on. After a long silence, Yuu
continued, �we received a letter from Bookman a few weeks before you returned,
saying that you had �amnesia� from
�traumatic injury.� We knew it was a lie as soon as we saw you. Even when you
first came to the Order at sixteen, you had this light in your eye. It was
annoying, and I hated it, but it was there. When you came back, your eye was
flat, almost glazed over. Lenalee came over and hugged you; you flinched back
and asked her who she was. She cried that night, you know.�

�� I always end up
making her cry,� Lavi said lightly, jokingly, though the topic didn�t call for
it. �Go on.�

�� You shouldn�t be
laughing. There was something wrong
with you. We all knew you were acting, because you simply weren�t Lavi anymore. You� when you were in a
conversation, you acted almost exactly as you had before you left, but when
left to your own devices, you just sat there. Completely
still. Unmoving and staring into space. It
worried everyone�it worried me.� Yuu
looked away for a while, probably out of embarrassment for speaking like he
cared. Which Lavi knew he did, however reluctantly.

�� You called me
Kanda,� Yuu said offhandedly, but Lavi heard the raw pain underneath it.

�� Really?�
Lavi asked. Yuu nodded, and Lavi hugged him tightly. Yuu tensed at the contact,
but he relaxed into it a moment later. �How did I� regain my memories?�

�� It happened
really slowly. You�you started being yourself again, if only for a few moments.
Bookman still thought you were �well� enough to go on a mission alone, so you,
Allen, Lenalee, Miranda, and I went to Serbia to look for Innocence. I sneezed
while eating my soba, and it went up my nose, and all of a sudden, you started
screaming, screaming like your head was about to fall off. You started flailing
and thrashing, and you injured yourself pretty good, but I finally managed to
enlist the others to� help me drag you back to your tent. After a few hours,
you looked at me and told me to go outside.�

�� Did you?�

�� You called me
Yuu-chan.�

�� That doesn�t
answer my question.�

�� Yes.�

�� Oh.�

�� You started
screaming again the second I was out, and after a while, you lost your voice. I
could still hear you thrashing the entire time, though. Early in the morning,
you stopped screaming, and when you came out, you hugged me, said �thank you,
Yuu-chan� in your stupid, annoying voice, and went off and had breakfast with Moyashi and Lenalee as if nothing had
happened.�

�� Lavi gaped. �So it
was like a fugue state for me, then?�

�� Yuu nodded.

�� The thing is, I
didn�t even think about it,� Lavi said. �It seemed perfectly natural, like
nothing had gone wrong. I� Yuu, I think I need to ask Voice to make me
remember.�

�� Yuu looked at him
questioningly.

�� Voice said that
after this, he�ll be gone, that we�ll be one person again,� Lavi explained. Yuu
nodded thoughtfully and gestured to the twelfth tome.

�� With trepidation,
Lavi opened it. This volume, he noted, was thicker than the rest, and unlike the
others, its script was far denser. He looked nervously over at Yuu, who nodded
and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. Shaking, Lavi looked down and began to read
the fifty-third entry aloud, translating the compact Chinese characters with
ease.

-

�� 8/10/1887

�� Liam has been showing concerning behavior of
late. Today, he walked into the room humming (he has no musical talent, despite
having Irish origins). When questioned, he admitted he was �looking forward
to�nothing, I�m not looking forward to anything.� For an actor, he is a
horrible liar. I followed him to the party the Exorcists seemed to want to give
him for his birthday. I noticed something there, though. There was a grateful,
thanking look on his face when they all wished him well for another year. Their
gifts were all simple, trivial. Earmuffs, a new eye patch, none of them really
seemed to matter to him except the one from Kanda Yuu. I have mentioned earlier
that I have long been afraid Liam would grow an attachment to this one. He is
homosexual�destroying all interest in girls�but there has always been something
captivating to him about this Japanese Exorcist. Perhaps he finds the mystery
of this man endearing, but whatever the case, Liam is far too close to him,
although he always denies it when I bring it up.

�� He
hugged Kanda Yuu, and I know from years of experience that there was emotion
behind it. This was distressing to me, but not so much as Liam breaking down in
tears as he pulled back. I cannot say I understand it, but when he got back, he
was sobbing.

�� Bookman,�
he told me, �I have become attached.� I looked at him for a good while and then
sighed.

�� It
is Kanda Yuu, is it not?� I asked. Liam nodded. He looked up at me, tears
running down his face in a way that was very, very real.

�� I�
Bookman, I know I�m not supposed to, but I�I love him.� The confession sounded
to me like he had only just realized it as he spoke it to me. He sounded very
guilty, but the fact is that he had emotions in the first place, and that is
unacceptable.

�� I
immediately told him he must forget�I am too old to find another apprentice,
and without Liam, it would be pointless anyway. The boy has perceptive
abilities far beyond even my own, even without his right eye. I still regret
its loss. Liam would probably be one of the best Bookmen if it hadn�t been
blinded by shrapnel.

�� Liam
looked horrified, of course. For the first time since I met him, he actively
defied me, running from the room and saying that he could never forget�not this
one.

�� I
disagree, personally. Liam is too important to lose. I have decided to lock him
in our room. He must agree to forget, as he must become a Bookman. It is the
path he chose, and he promised never to stray from it. I will ensure he does
not, even if he must forget ever having feelings. Perhaps it will be good for
him. He has shown signs of growing attachment to more than one of the
Exorcists�Allen Walker and Lenalee Lee being the two foremost in that
category�since the events in Edo with the Ark. With his attachments severed
again, he will be able to become a strong Bookman, and I must believe in that
or it is not only Liam who will fail.

-

�� Lavi switched his
gaze to the next entry, holding tears back. He didn�t remember any of this, but
he couldn�t deny that it must be true. He had to see how it came to be that he
forgot. He had to. It was an
all-encompassing need, and he could not deny it.

-

�� 9/3/1887

�� Liam
has finally agreed to come. It will be hard to convince him not to care again,
especially to convince him that the feeling is not mutual. I know Kanda Yuu
does not care for him in that way, so perhaps this is for the best�

�� Yuu scoffed. �I
did, not that I realized it,� he said simply, and Lavi continued to read.

�� As there would never be anything between
them. A hormonal teenager is one thing, but a lovesick teenager is nearly
impossible to be around. Bookmen cannot have those emotions. It is for the best
that Liam�s memories are repressed.

-

�� Lavi hadn�t quite
finished with the entry, but he felt Voice�s presence in his head again. He was
angry, and Lavi had the sneaking suspicion it was at Bookman, but when Voice
spoke, his tone was calm, almost caring.

�� You know my name, who
I am, Voice said. It was not a question; it was a statement. Lavi gave a
mental nod.

�� You�re me�not me me, but me. You�re Liam, aren�t you?
Lavi asked, for once not entirely sure of his answer.

�� It was Voice�s
turn to give a mental nod. I think you
should finally remember now�I need you to know. When you come out, we will be
one and the same again. This will be painful for you and me both. My emotions
are dark and angst-ridden. These memories will tear at your mind, trying to
destroy it, but I think it needs to be done now. Lavi, are you sure you want to
remember? I can hold on for a while if you�re not.

�� Lavi shook his
head, not sure if it was done mentally or not, and answered. I�m positive, he said. Show me what I�m missing.

�� Voice braced
himself. Lavi did the same. Abruptly, the redhead felt the Bookman corner of
his brain split open, spilling its contents into his head, driving an agonized
scream from his throat. It ripped out into the world, mirroring the memories
that tore and stabbed at his very sanity, overpowering even his sun like a
cloud of locusts looking for prey.

---

A/N: Lavi�s ringtone is You are a Pirate from Nickelodeon�s Lazy Town. He thinks that he is
a pirate because he has an eye patch. Or, at least, that was his reasoning when
he downloaded it. His ringtone for Yuu is The
Meaning of Life by The Offspring. If
you were wondering, Yuu�s phone is never on, and he uses a generic ringtone;
Allen�s phone plays Seven Nation Army
by The White Stripes, although his ringtone for Lenalee is Vivaldi�s Spring; Amanda rocks Goodnight Nurse�s Milkshake, though her ringtone for Darcy
is How do you Like Your Eggs in the Mornin�; Darcy�s ringtone is I�m Too Sexy, and we already mentioned that his ringtone for Amanda
is Toxic (Local H version); and
finally, we have Lenalee, who was uninventive and used beeping tones. Lolek�s
is Germans, by Mundstuhl.
He and Lolle always used to jam to it, so it�s kind of like his shrine to her.
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Innocent Rain