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Innocent Rain	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3947 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 23
- 24
- 25
Chapter 24�A Moment Lost

��

November 8, 2013�The Dark Order, Main Branch

�� It was happening
again�that horrible, gut-wrenching scream that Lavi let out when his mind was
breaking down, the scream he had used that awful night in the tent, the scream
Yuu had hoped he�d never have to hear again. They�d been in the middle of
reading Bookman�s heartless logs about Lavi when the redhead had just� frozen.
Then he shook his head, and a moment later, he was screaming, howling as if he
was being torn apart. He brought his Innocence-ridden hands to his head and
held it in a vice-like grip as he raised his eye to the heavens, screeching.

�� Lenalee ran in,
and Yuu implored her�he did not beg�with his eyes to get a doctor. She seemed
to understand, returning with the health professional just minutes later.

�� What�s going on?�
The doctor asked over Lavi�s persistent yells.

�� I think he�s
remembering things,� Yuu said gravely. He looked over at Lenalee, who was
crying silently.

�� I didn�t think he
was ever going�� Lenalee started tearfully. Yuu nodded in understanding.

�� We need to
restrain him,� the doctor interrupted. He walked to Lavi�s side and began to
pin the redhead down to the bed. Something annoying twitched in Yuu�s heart,
but he didn�t know what it was because he was� worried� about Lavi.

�� Lavi just thrashed
harder against the grip, and the physician sighed. �We need to get him to the
hospital. I want to take a brain scan, see exactly what is going on.� A moment
later Lenalee was one her phone, calling Allen. Another moment later a portal
to the hospital was opened.

�� Despite his
annoyance at the white-haired Bean Sprout, Yuu had to admit that he could sometimes be useful. Picking Lavi up
bodily he stepped through the door trying to avoid the fists that attempted to
rain down on his head.

�� Within minutes
they had Lavi restrained and inside a strange looking machine. The doctor
stared down at the computer screen, a contemplative frown on his face and his
brow furrowed.

�� Hmmm�� he
muttered, stroking his chin.

�� What is it?� Yuu
growled, glaring at the man. He needed answers. Now.

�� I�ve never seen
so much activity in the anterior frontal lobe. In particular, it seems to be in
the prefrontal cortex,� the doctor replied in an awed voice.

�� That does shit
for me,� Yuu hissed, resisting the urge to activate Mugen to slice the man
through. Even though his screams had died down for the moment, Lavi still
needed the doctor. Unfortunately.

�� Well, if it�s
true what you were saying about remembering things, this makes sense. This region of the brain�the anterior frontal lobe�stores memory,
personality, things like that.� The doctor went back to poring over the
computer screen, and Yuu left to go back to Lavi�s side.

�� He was surprised
to find Lavi�s one good eye open, glazed over as if still in the clutches of
the memories, but somewhat aware.

�� Lavi?�
He asked, not meaning to voice his concern.

�� Where are you?�
The redhead asked, voice raw and cracking from
overuse. Yuu picked up his pace until he was at Lavi�s side. The other man�s
one-eyed gaze didn�t follow him, and when he repeated his earlier statement in
a softer, hurt voice, Yuu understood that Lavi was no more awake than he had
been ten minutes ago.

�� I�m right here,
you idiot,� Yuu replied softly, reluctantly taking Lavi�s restrained hand in
his. No one was around, not even the crazy doctor, so it was okay to show that
he cared. He thought he needed to add something to his comment, something that
told the rabbit how he felt, but as usual, the words were stuck in his brain,
unmovable and constant.

�� Lavi�s eye closed
as the doctor walked back in. �I think we�ll have to wait it out. If he�s
unconscious for a few more hours, we�ll hook him up to an IV, and if he�s still
out in the morning, I think we should start to be concerned.

�� Naturally, it was
necessary that they become concerned. Though he had stopped screaming, Lavi
twitched and struggled against his bonds, completely unconscious, for the next
day and a half.

�� He awoke on the
morning of the tenth, looking very much the worse for wear.

�� Yuu?�
He called out, and Yuu was right there�he hadn�t left the stupid rabbit�s side.

---

October 29, 1887�Russia

�� It was very, very
hard to forget, Lavi decided as Bookman paced in front of him again. He
followed the old man with his eye, simply because he didn�t have anything else
to do.

�� What have I told
you, Lavi?� Bookman said, shaking his head as if the entire endeavor was
hopeless. It seemed to be, Lavi thought, as he didn�t want to forget. He�d told
Bookman as much, but the old panda hadn�t believed him.

�� Lavi rolled his
eyes. ��No one loves me, I love no one,� same as every other time you�ve asked
me. Look Bookman, I�ve told you, this isn�t gonna
work, so just let me go��

�� Bookman�s
black-ringed eyes flashed. �He will never
love you back,� he said in a dangerously low voice.

�� Lavi sighed and
tried not to let the hurt show. �I know that, but I can�t help it if I��

�� Do you hear me,
Lavi? He will never love you. He will
only hurt you, and then you�ll come running back to
me, an emotional mess. It is better to forego the whole experience and simply
forget. Haven�t I always known what�s best for you?�

�� Bookman had pulled
that card before, and Lavi could never deny it. He�d always known just what
made Lavi work harder, what made him more determined. Bookman had proved time
and again that he would point Lavi on the proper path, and he�d always striven
to keep his apprentice on it.

�� How do you know,
though?� Lavi questioned. It hadn�t been the first time he�d asked, nor,
apparently, would it be the last.

�� Bookman glared at
him. �Because you are incapable of loving him, and he knows it,� he replied icily.

�� But I do love him!� Lavi insisted. �I didn�t
realize it before, but whenever we come back from a battle�ever since the
Ark�I�ve always been really glad he�s alive. I always want to see him, and when
I do, it only seems natural for me to want to hug him, to touch him. I want to
know what his opinion is, how he�s doing, what he will be doing. I love to
watch him train. He seems most relaxed and at peace then, as if he�s meditating
there, too. I��

�� I understand what
you think you�re feeling. You believe that just because your body reacts
physically, there must be an emotional attachment as well,� Bookman explained.

�� Lavi glared at
him, putting his full ire into his one good eye. �That�s not it, and you know
it,� he said quietly, bringing Bookman�s pacing to a halt.

�� Perhaps we should
try something different, since I seem to be failing to convince you this way,�
Bookman said finally.

�� Lavi nodded.
�Perhaps we should, but it won�t matter�I�ll never be able to give this up. You
can�t sever such a strong attachment, Bookman. Maybe the tiny
ones to Allen and Lenalee and Kuro-chan and Miranda,
but never Yuu, never Yuu.�

�� We�ll just see,�
Bookman said quietly, and a shiver ran up Lavi�s spine. He held onto his
attachment dearly; he didn�t want to lose it.

---

December 17, 1887�Algeria

�� Good morning,
Lavi,� Bookman said, walking out into the tiny dining room of the inn. Lavi
nodded blankly, not particularly caring about the man who had walked in. But
then, he didn�t care about much these days. Except Yuu�he cared very deeply
about Yuu, even if he couldn�t quite remember who Yuu was. He cared, maybe even
loved, this Yuu person, and something in his brain told him never to forget it.

�� Lavi?�
Bookman asked. Lavi grunted in acknowledgement of the tiny man�s presence. �How
are you this morning?�

�� My body feels
especially healthy today,� Lavi commented. It was a lie, of course. Every time
he thought of Yuu, his stomach churned a bit, his thoughts roiled, and he felt
a bit nauseous. It wasn�t a bad feeling, though, even if his heart took this
opportunity to begin to ache that strange ache it felt
every time Bookman was around.

�� You are lying to
me, Lavi. You seem to be very bad at acting today�perhaps we should work on
that?�

�� I don�t feel like
it, Bookman,� Lavi said, his voice even and uncaring as it always was now.

�� Did you do your
logs last night?�

�� Lavi thought back.
It was very hard to remember lately. �No,� he finally replied, �I didn�t feel
like it.�

�� Bookman sighed
exasperatedly. �You know no one loves you, right?�

�� There. There was that heart aching
thing. �Of course, why would they?� Lavi responded. He�d learned a few weeks
ago that that was the best way to respond. He didn�t care if people didn�t love
him. He was undesirable and could not care for them. He knew there were people
he could care for, though. Yuu was one of them, right? And there was another.
It was a girl, right? Started with an L. Lena� something.
It ended with a vowel, he knew, and there was one more syllable, but he could
not for the life of him remember. And there was something very white that he
liked, too. White, and it reminded him of� bean sprouts for some reason. Whenever
he heard someone apologize, a flash of someone�s tired brown eyes passed
through him, but the image was soon lost. And teeth seemed to be significant,
too. He knew he could love them all, especially Yuu, but Bookman didn�t like it
when he responded like that.

�� And who do you
love, Lavi?� Bookman asked.

�� No one,� Lavi
replied, but he was lying again. He loved Yuu, right? He cared very deeply for
this Yuu person, and he was pretty sure that included love. Right?

�� You know, you
look a bit sore this morning. Did you not sleep well?�

�� Lavi shook his
head. He always had nightmares these days, nightmares about deep, dark brown
eyes scowling at him accusingly, nightmares about rogue blades chopping through
his body as the eyes gazed ever-angrily on, nightmares
about rabbit stew with Japanese that he couldn�t understand, even though he
could speak it fluently. He didn�t understand these dreams, but they hurt him
and kept him awake.

�� He thought that
perhaps he was forgetting something very important, but he couldn�t remember
what. Which was the point, he supposed. Bookman was always telling him to
forget these days, even though Bookmen were always supposed to remember.

�� Maybe you�d like
some acupuncture to help loosen your muscles?� Bookman suggested. �It will
probably help with your logs, too, don�t you think?�

�� Lavi nodded. He
always liked Bookman�s acupuncture techniques. They worked wonders on his back,
and he always felt at peace while Bookman calmly and deftly slid needles
through his skin and into his pressure points.

�� Spreading him out
on the small, lumpy bed, Bookman sterilized his needles and began pushing them
into Lavi�s body like he was a pincushion. Lavi felt himself begin to relax.
His mind began to wander as it always did when under Bookman�s needle. He
barely heard Bookman�s voice as he began the usual litany. Lavi tried to tune
it out, but it was still there, hovering over his mind, descending on him like
a forgetful blanket.

�� No one loves
you,� it repeated. Lavi tried to nod. This was true, after all.

�� You love no one,�
it continued. Lavi couldn�t quite make his head shake. That wasn�t true, it
couldn�t be, didn�t he love people?

�� No one loves
you.� No. No one did.

�� You love no one.�
But� but� what about� the most important person? There was a most important
person, right? Didn�t he have one? Didn�t he love someone? Wasn�t that why this
was happening?

�� No one loves
you.�� That was right.

�� You love no one.�
No! No! That couldn�t be, could it?

�� No one loves
you.� Yes, he got that already.

�� You love no one.�
That was true, too.

---

February 12, 1888�Portugal

�� The eggs tasted
like ash in his mouth, though he couldn�t understand why. Taking a bite of
sausage instead, he found the same problem. Lavi sighed. Nothing had flavor
anymore, like he�d forgotten it. He was forgetting a lot of things recently,
and when he�d asked Bookman, the old man had said he had had to forget
something again. Lavi didn�t know what it was, but he trusted Bookman enough to
know that it must have been something horrible. Anything Bookman voluntarily
let him forget must have been scarring enough to tear Lavi apart. He hadn�t
asked beyond that.

�� Buttering a piece
of toast�butter was the only thing that seemed to have flavor these days�he
watched as his Master walked into the dining room of their latest
accommodations. He sat down gingerly. Lavi pretended not to see his Master�s
signs of aging and continued biting into his cardboard and butter.

�� We are returning
to the Order in a week,� he told Lavi. The redhead sent him a questioning look.
�You do remember the Order, right?� Bookman asked after a moment.

�� Lavi nodded. �It�s
where I got the Innocence�we�ve been there before, right? But we had to leave
for� something. I�m sorry, Bookman, I know I should, but I can�t remember.�

�� The old man nodded
gravely. �That is as it should be. Do not berate yourself for this memory loss.
It was needed, so don�t try to remember. It will only bring pain.�

�� Shrugging, Lavi
returned to his stale-tasting bread with its delicious topping. �Whatever you
say,� he said.

�� A week later, they
were back at the Order, and though Lavi didn�t recognize any of them, there was
a large group of people waiting for them at the entrance. There was a girl with
mid-back length hair, a boy who looked far older than
his years due to his snow white hair, a boy of about his age with long, black
hair, a woman with dark hair and brown eyes, a man with vampire-esque fangs, and many more. Lavi gazed at them in
confusion. Did everyone get such a welcome?

�� Lavi!�
The girl with mid-back length hair called out, sounding relieved. She ran up
and threw her arms around his waist. Blinking, Lavi looked down at the girl
burrowing into his chest.

�� Er, I�m sorry, but who are you?� He asked blankly. He
didn�t know how to deal with this situation. The girl froze and looked up,
tears falling from her brown eyes.

�� Lavi?
You don�t� remember me?� She asked, sounding worried. �I mean, Gege told us that
Bookman said you had amnesia, but� Lavi, that doesn�t make sense. You should�
you really don�t remember me?�

�� Lavi laughed in
his head. Did this girl think he was her boyfriend or something? Thinking back,
he still couldn�t remember her, not even from his previous trip to the Order.
She seemed rather young. Perhaps she thought them best friends after viewing
each other once? It was plausible. It had happened to him in previous logs.
Number thirty-seven had been particularly bogged down by a girl. It had been
annoying, to say the least.

�� Pushing her back
gently, he looked her in the eye. �I haven�t the foggiest idea who you are.�

�� Bookman cleared
his throat, and Lavi caught himself slipping from his current persona. Forty-nine, Lavi, fun and frivolous.

�� I�d love to stay
and chat, but Master and I need to talk with the Branch Head. Do you know where
he is?�

�� Gege�s in his
office. Er, come with me?� The girl asked, looking at
him as if he had two heads. Lavi nodded, smiling widely at the request.

�� Lavi passed the
group of people, meeting each of their gazes, memorizing them. He caught the
eye of the Japanese boy with long, black hair, and a fleeting sensation of lips
on his passed over him. Shaking his head, Lavi wondered vaguely why he had a
sudden craving for eggs. Shrugging, he continued after the Asian girl,
memorizing the route that he would surely need to take many times in the
future.

---

February 20, 1888�The Dark Order, Main Branch

�� You�re putting
butter on your eggs?� The boy with
long hair asked, sounding disgusted.

�� It�s the only
thing I can taste,� Lavi said, shrugging. �So what�s your name?�

�� The boy dropped
his chopsticks. Looking up from his bowl of soba noodles, he stared at Lavi in
the same manner as the girl, Lenalee, had. �Kanda Yuu,� he finally said, and
his voice reminded Lavi of the butter he was still melting on his breakfast.

�� I�m Lavi,� he
said. �It�s nice ta meetcha,
Kanda.�

�� The boy stopped in
the process of retrieving his chopsticks, dropping them to the ground again.
�What did you call me?� He asked incredulously.

�� You said your
name was Kanda, right?� Lavi asked, smiling as he took his first bite. The
other boy just stared in his hunched-over position. He was kind of cute, Lavi
thought before throwing it into the back of his mind, where he would forget it.
�So, how old are you?� He added through a mouthful.

�� The boy turned
green and answered only with a simple �che.�

�� Well, I�m
sixteen. We look around the same age�you�re maybe a bit older?�

�� The boy dropped
his chopsticks a third time. Scowling down at Lavi, he picked up his noodles
and went off into another corner of the room. A minute later, Lavi saw him
storm from the dining hall, seeming infuriated.

---

November 10, 2013�The Dark Order, Hospital Wing

�� Lavi woke up
crying. �Yuu?� He whispered, opening his solitary eye
and twisting his head around to look for the Japanese man. Yuu leaned over to
bring himself into the idiot rabbit�s line of vision. He undid the restraints
quickly, and suddenly Lavi was grabbing him around the waist, pressing his head
into Yuu�s stomach.

�� Ra�bi?� Yuu asked, too shocked to
speak English.

�� Yuu!
I�I know why I forgot! I� fuck, Yuu, Bookman made me forget I loved you!� Lavi sobbed.

�� Yuu sighed. �I� know,�
he said softly. Lavi looked up, tears streaming down his face.

�� Wha�?� He asked, sniffing. He grimaced and coughed, and
despite the situation, Yuu suppressed a snicker. It was just like Lavi to choke
on his own mucus.

�� The day after you
got back, we had breakfast together. You were sitting alone at my table, so I
came and joined you��

�� But you never��

�� As I said, you
were at my table. I didn�t feel like finding another one, and I had been�
concerned about you. So I sat down. And you asked me who I was. I had been
expecting that�you�d done the same to Lenalee the day before. When you said you
were sixteen, though�� Yuu sighed and forced himself to continue. �I knew
something was obviously wrong. Bookman would have told you your age, things
that you needed to know, if you had amnesia. Honestly,
the old fucker would probably have deserted you if you had forgotten
everything.�

�� Don�t call him a
fucker,� Lavi said, though it sounded to Yuu as if he hadn�t meant it.

�� I�ll fucking call
him what I want. I confronted him, asked him what he did to you, and he replied
you had amnesia. I told him to get the fuck off his high horse and tell me what
he�d done, and he said you�d forgotten everything due to me. I asked him what
the fuck he was talking about. He said you had an �attachment� to me. Then he
said to stay the fuck away, that I was breaking
you. I almost killed him,� Yuu finished, looking away from Lavi.

�� You� cared, even
back then?� Lavi sounded awed, as if he hadn�t realized it himself.

�� Of
course, you idiot! I just� couldn�t admit it to myself back then,� Yuu
replied, still looking away. And damn himself, he was blushing.

�� Can we leave?�
Lavi asked in a small voice. Yuu looked back at him and gave him a ghost of a
smile.

�� Che. About
time.�

�� They walked to the
cafeteria for a late lunch, chatting about everything except Lavi�s recovered
memories. From the faraway look in his eye, Yuu knew that Lavi was thinking
about it anyway. He would tell Yuu when he felt the need to. He didn�t need to
pry. Lavi would come to him eventually, just as he always did.

�� Lavi got himself
his usual toast and jam, and Yuu sat down with a chicken curry. He nearly spat
out the first bite. It had too much ginger. Scowling, he went back to the
service window to threaten the chef into making him something else. A few
minutes later, he sat down with a large bowl of fried rice. It wasn�t his
favorite, but it would suffice.

�� Only Lavi wasn�t
next to him. Looking around, he saw Road giving him a very gentle hug. He
immediately went for his weapon�an automatic reaction to seeing a Noah�but the
girl pulled back.

�� I�m so sorry,�
she said, and when she turned around to take a seat on the bench, Yuu noticed
she was crying. Her eyes widened when she saw him. �You need to know,� she said
quietly and walked up.

�� NO!� Lavi cried,
running up to her and trying to pull her away.

�� She placed a hand
on Yuu�s forehead, and despite his attempt to flinch back, it stayed firmly in
place. His world disappeared and was replaced with something very� different.
He had been in Road�s world before, but this was nothing like it. It was almost
vibrant and very beautiful. The sky shone in through a pleasant, white-rimmed
window, and all around, he could hear the annoying chirps of birds.

�� You need to see what
Lavi dreamt about last night,� said a voice emanating from the walls. Looking
around with a scowl, Yuu felt his world melt again, only to be replaced with a
little room at an inn. Lavi was on a bed with needles poking out from almost
all of the pressure points in his back. Bookman was by his face. Then,
abruptly, the sound appeared.

�� No one loves
you,� Bookman said. Yuu saw Lavi try to nod.

�� You
love no one,� Bookman intoned, sounding slightly more severe. Lavi twitched
again. It looked like perhaps he was trying to shake his head but gave up on
the motion.

�� No
one loves you,� Bookman repeated. Lavi deflated a little, but with his next
breath, he seemed okay.

�� You
love no one.� Lavi started to shake.

�� Bookman
repeated it one more time, and at the last line, Lavi deflated completely,
going almost despondent. If he hadn�t been breathing so evenly, Yuu would have
thought him dead.

�� A
strong, fierce anger coursed through his veins. This had been how he�d gotten Lavi to forget? Drawing his
Innocence, he made to stab it through Bookman, but the image dissolved back
into Road�s mind. A moment later, he was back in the real world, and to his
horror, a tear was falling from his left eye.

�� They
spent the rest of the day in Yuu�s room, leaving only for a late dinner. When
they returned, they sat down on the bed, leaning against the still ruined
headboard. Lavi put an arm around Yuu�s back and laid his head down on the
older man�s shoulder. Without meaning to, he rested his head atop Lavi�s. Lavi
grabbed his left hand with his free one, and nuzzled into his neck. Yuu stilled.

�� What
are you doing, rabbit?� He asked.

�� Snuggling,�
Lavi said, leaning back and taking Yuu�s right arm, placing it around his
shoulders before leaning in again.

�� I
don�t snuggle,� Yuu said, trying to pull his arm back, but Lavi kept it in
place by pushing it against the headboard with his back.

�� Not
even cuddle?� Lavi asked pitifully. Yuu felt horrified.

�� I
do not cuddle,� he replied,
shuddering a little.

�� Then
what do you call this, Yuu? �Cause it looks like snugglin�
to me.� No, it did not.

�� I
am embracing you,� Yuu insisted.

�� I
think you�re in denial,� Lavi said.

�� I
think you need a new brain.�

�� So
what if I do? Snuggle with me, dammit!� Lavi
exclaimed, doing that nuzzling thing again and pulling himself closer. Yuu
tried to push him away, though if he really thought about it, he didn�t
actually want to.

�� No!
I refuse to snuggle!� He shouted. Lavi released Yuu�s hand in preference for
wrapping it around his stomach.

�� Please?�
Lavi asked quietly. �For me?� He looked up imploringly
in a pitiful way that Yuu couldn�t quite refuse.

�� Che. Fine, I�ll embrace you.�

�� Lavi pouted, but
Yuu couldn�t quite bring himself to care. He wondered why Lavi hadn�t brought up any of his
memories yet. Normally, the rabbit never stopped talking about anything, and he
often told Yuu far more than the Japanese man cared to know.

�� The
memory Road had shown him worried him more than he could say. It was blatantly
obvious that Lavi felt like he wasn�t loved. By anyone.
Not Lenalee or Allen. Not Miranda, Lolek, Darcy or the Infernal
girl. Not him. He wanted to tell Lavi, he really did, but the words still
wouldn�t come. And that scared him.

---

November
23, 2013�The Dark Order, Main Branch

�� The
days flew by in a steady stream of nothingness. Cyrah had taken over the
training of the soldiers, and Chu-chan had taken to helping the Science
Department with Tamas.� The rest of the
Exorcists, however, had absolutely nothing to do. Kanda-kun had begun to train
more, which made Lavi pout and walk somberly over to her and Allen. Allen
himself seemed to be trying to get into better shape, and soon, Lenalee was on her own, too. Amanda spent her time with either Road or
Darcy, sometimes both. The Chinese girl had taken to sitting in the Main Plaza
of the Ark, watching people. Lavi usually sat beside her, and they usually made
up little stories about each person. They changed from day to day, and they
were all amusing. Lavi�s tales were usually either very insightful or
increasingly ridiculous, but Lenalee loved them all.

�� They
sat at one of the picnic tables set off in one of the corners, eating
sandwiches they�d gotten from the kitchen. It was a rare day when Kanda-kun
joined them. He glared at everyone passing by. However, when he looked at Lavi,
his expression changed to something less surly, but the underlying anger was
still there.

�� Kanda-kun,
what�s wrong?� She asked, concerned.

�� The
Little Fucker is in the training room,� he ground out, grabbing Mugen�s
activated hilt and scowling at a soldier who had come slightly too close.

�� You
shouldn�t call people that,� Lenalee scolded.

�� I
don�t want to lose another half a petal just because she wants to throw me down
the stairs,� Kanda-kun said bitterly.

�� You
lost a of half petal?� She and Lavi exclaimed
simultaneously. She very worried now, Lavi slightly more than she was.

�� How
many do you have left?�Lenalee asked, this time on her own.

�� Enough,�
Kanda-kun said firmly, and Lenalee knew not to push it. Lavi on the other hand
rose from his seated position at her side and walked over to the Japanese man.

�� Why
didn�t you tell me?� The redhead asked his voice intense with betrayal. He
stared deeply into Kanda-kun�s eyes.

�� Kanda-kun tilted
his head away, scoffing. �What did you expect? You were having a mental
breakdown, rabbit, and I didn�t want to� worry you.�

�� At that moment, Road walked up, looking sleepy and rubbing her
eyes. She wore the pink, frilly negligee that matched Amanda�s and
sported fuzzy, pink slippers.

�� Hi,
Road,� Lenalee chimed out. Kanda-kun looked relieved that the conversation had
turned to a different target. Though Lavi was still
whispering furiously in his lover�s ear.

�� Hey,
Lenalee,� Road said sleepily, still rubbing her eyes. �I can�t even take a nap
anymore. It�s like someone�s always sleeping.
Must be the Science Department, because I had this weird-ass
dream about a failed chemistry experiment.�

�� Lenalee
hummed sympathetically. �Yeah, I�ve had some weird ones myself. There was one
the other night when�� she cut herself off, blushing. They didn�t need to know
about that one. Or at least Allen
didn�t.

�� I�ve
probably seen it,� Road said, shooting her a knowing smile. �Hey, Lavi,� she
added turning to the warring couple, �I�ve been wondering for a while, but are
your dreams the ones about genocides, hangings, witch
burnings, and��

�� Yeah,
those are mine,� Lavi said quickly, interrupting her.

�� How
do you stand those?� Road asked, looking horrified. �They�re so� detailed.�

�� That�s
what every day�s like for me. I see everything, Road.�

�� Road
turned a distinct shade of green.

�� What
do you dream about, Kanda-kun?� Lenalee asked. He�d never discussed his dreams
before, even after he had opened up to them a bit more. That had been before
Lavi had returned, though. He had seemed very� lonely during those months. Still,
Lenalee could never remember a time when Kanda-kun had shared a dream. Lenalee
herself did it often, as did Allen and Lavi. Miranda had a plethora of
dream-tales, and they always laughed about them.

�� Kanda-kun
brought his scowl to bear on her, and she flinched back when she realized it
was actually genuine. �I refuse to take part in this conversation,� he hissed.
A great, warm concern filled Lenalee�s heart. Did Kanda-kun only have bad
dreams? She vaguely remembered Amanda saying that he�d screamed during the
night, but she had assumed that had been from Lavi�s absence.

�� Come
on, Kanda, tell us,� Allen said, clapping his hands together in anticipation.
He had only just arrived a few moments after Road, but he seemed to be enjoying
this conversation, judging from his slightly dark smile. His dark side
concerned Lenalee sometimes, but right now, it seemed he was just trying to egg
Kanda-kun on.

�� The
man in question stood up, still grasping a sheathed Mugen. �My dreams are
irrelevant, ask someone else. I�m going to train.�

�� Oh,
come on, Kanda! Tell us!� Allen shouted after him, but Kanda-kun moved on.

�� I
wonder what he dreams about�� Lenalee said speculatively.

�� You
don�t want to know,� Lavi said quietly, sounding sickened.

�� But
Lenalee did. Later, right before she went to sleep, she asked Road if she would
be able to search for Kanda-kun�s dream.

�� I
can�� the girl hedged. �I think I can open a window to it in your mind, though
I�m more connected to Allen than I am to you. I think it�s because Sebastian is
in his head.�

�� Lenalee
nodded slowly and then left to go to bed. She curled up with Allen at her side.
She slept for a good while, but suddenly, she and Allen were standing in her
head.

�� Lenalee?� Allen asked, looking around at the room. It was
splendorous and high-ceilinged. On each of the four walls were numerous
pictures of all the people who made up her world. In a gilded silver frame that
took up half a wall was her brother, and next to him in an equally silver frame
was Lolek. Lolek was against the right side of the picture, seeming to try to
push Komui over, lessening his space in Lenalee�s mind. Komui was pushing back
just as hard, and they remained at a stalemate, unmoving.

�� Allen
himself had an ornate, golden frame with lines of green and gold Innocence
woven through it. He had a wall to himself, and his framed self had that
carefree smile that she loved so much. Even his picture carried the light brush
of stigmata. He was still cursed. But he still smiled and held his hands out
almost lovingly at her. It was, by far, her favorite picture.

�� On
the other two walls were the Exorcists and Science Department members that made
up the rest of her world. Particularly large were the frames of Kanda-kun and
Lavi. Those were right next to each other, almost encroaching on the other�s
space, as if trying to merge into one frame. Miranda was on the wall adjacent
to Lolek, and she looked smilingly at him. Amanda and Darcy were in one
picture, and the ginger man had his arm around the crazy American girl. They
both smiled as they laughed about some private joke. Artemis was also there,
and she was smiling, too. It was as if those past few months hadn�t happened to
her. She appeared healthy and beautiful, just as she had been before Strength
had destroyed that.

�� Wow,
these are� wow�� Allen said, astonished. Lenalee walked up to his side and
slipped her hand into his larger one. When had his hands become so warm and
big? The picture modified itself slightly just then. The hands became just
slightly broader.

�� This
is my world,� she told Allen softly, leaning lightly into his shoulder. He
shifted, turning to face her, and pulled her into a gentle hug.

�� Why
am I so big?� He asked her quietly. Lenalee pulled back enough to look into his
shining, silver eyes.

�� You�re
my favorite person,� she said almost coyly. Raising herself on tiptoe, she
pressed her lips lightly to his in a very chaste kiss. Running to the door
underneath Allen�s frame, she looked back and called, �I wanna see what your
brain looks like�can we go?�

�� Looking
stunned, Allen nodded. He walked in a shell-shocked way to the door, where he
grabbed Lenalee�s hand again. Together, they stepped through the passage and
into his mind.

�� It
was desolate, almost. The street was a mangy, dirty alley, a dark parody of a
corridor of Allen�s Ark. The doors, though, shone brightly and sweetly,
lighting the alley and filling it with a peaceful happiness. The door shut
behind them, and Lenalee looked back to see a picture of her and Allen on the
door. It moved, which Lenalee found bizarre.

�� Picture-Allen
had his arm around Picture-Lenalee and leaned over, kissing her forehead
tenderly. Picture-Lenalee blushed but wound her arm around him nonetheless,
looking happy and slightly embarrassed. A moment later, their picture-selves
were hugging tightly, ignoring the world and the alley that surrounded them.

�� Lenalee
once again turned to Allen, looking at him questioningly. �You�re my favorite,
too,� he replied, shrugging nonchalantly. Lenalee felt her cheeks grow hot with
a blush.

�� She
took a look at the other doors, curious. The first one at the beginning of the
alley was one of two shadow-like figures. With horror, Lenalee realized they
must be his real parents. She noted that Allen was not in that picture. Looking
to the next one, she saw Mana�s. Picture-Allen had
his arms around the man�s waist, looking up at him with almost worshipful
wonder. The man smiled down at him lovingly and ruffled his hair. In the
background was a question mark. Lenalee wondered if that was Allen
subconsciously questioning Mana�s true feelings for
him. She�d known since he�d told her about the secret language that he�d been
unsure about Mana�s affections. She didn�t let him
know, but she thought Mana had loved him for who he
was as well as for the memories he carried.

�� Lenalee
moved down the alley, passing Kanda-kun�s (in which they were glaring at each
other but had other selves in the background who were smiling) and Lavi�s (in
which Lavi was in the foreground, smiling outrageously, and in the background,
a much more serious Lavi and Picture-Allen looked on curiously), as well as the
other Exorcists�. She quickly noted that, with the exception of the one with
his real parents, Allen was in every frame in some form. Even Sebastian�s
door�which Allen said he didn�t go into�had him in it. Picture-Allen was
glaring at Sebastian as the latter played a white, upright piano, but Lenalee
saw no animosity in it.

�� At
the other end of the alley, Lenalee saw two doors. One had Allen�s right hand
with a person-shape superimposed over it. On the other was
Allen�s left hand and the shape of an Akuma overtop it. Next to that was a door
to the Crowned Clown.

�� That
only opens when I activate or am requesting something from it,� Allen said when
he saw where her gaze was aimed.

�� One
of the doors emanated more light, so they walked back over to it.

�� Ah,
Road�s door,� Allen said as they looked through the now-transparent threshold.
Inside was Road�s beautiful hall. On the floor of the hall, though, was a
young-looking Kanda-kun.

�� Lenalee
watched, horrified, as an older man stepped into view. He said something in
Japanese, and though Lenalee couldn�t understand it, she didn�t like the tone.
They conversed for a little bit, and then the man began to sing. At the end of
the first line, he swung a hand back and hit Kanda-kun. It continued on, each
slap, punch, and kick getting progressively worse as the song went on.
Kanda-kun was huddled on the floor, even as the man pulled him up by his hair
and punched his face, until a particularly bad kick to his back opened his position.
The man finished the song with a kick to the ribs and then went off. Kanda-kun
was left, shivering and whimpering in pain, on the ground. The image faded with
Kanda-kun making a painful but triumphant expression.

�� Turning
to Allen, Lenalee could do nothing but throw herself in his arms, holding back
the tears she desperately wanted to cry. Now she understood why Kanda-kun never
talked about these dreams. She just hoped he had pleasant ones, too.

---

November
24, 2013�Allen�s Ark

�� They
eventually felt themselves lift from their minds and back into reality. Lenalee
was in the same position in Allen�s arms, and her eyes were just as wet as
they�d been in the alley, staring into Road�s door.

�� Was
that�?� Lenalee asked.

�� I
think it was�� Allen agreed.

�� His father?� Lenalee clarified. Allen nodded. Another tear
slipped from Lenalee�s eye. Another followed it in the other one, and then she
was crying again. �Poor Kanda-kun,� she whispered her voice thick with emotion.

�� He
won�t want pity, you know,� Allen said seriously. Lenalee nodded against his
chest.

�� I
know,� she said. �But I can cry when I�m with you, so he doesn�t need to know.�
She felt Allen smile against her hair.

�� We
won�t tell him, then,� he said, and he held her until all her tears were spent
and his stomach was growling loudly with intense hunger.

�� Lenalee
laughed, though she still felt miserable. �We need to feed your pit, don�t we?�
She asked lightly. Allen blushed in embarrassment, but Lenalee lifted her head
and kissed his cheek gently. �Let�s go do that, then.�

�� They
both put on robes, not bothering to get dressed, and walked out of their room
in the Ark back to the cafeteria in the Main Branch. A tired-looking Road in an
off-white negligee followed them. When they reached the cafeteria, they were
surprised to see Kanda-kun and Lavi there, too.

�� What
are you doing here?� Lenalee asked. �Don�t you normally sleep later?� It was
six in the morning, after all.

�� You
do, too,� Lavi said, soberly picking at his eggs. He grimaced as he put them in
his mouth. �Cold,� he muttered. Obviously, he and Kanda-kun had been here for a
while.

�� Well,
it just seemed like a day to get up early,� Lenalee commented, shrugging.

�� You�re
a terrible liar, Lenalee,� Lavi said, looking up from his eggs. �You saw,
didn�t you, through Road?�

�� Lenalee
nodded timidly, an embarrassed blush lighting her
cheeks. How had they known?

�� He
dreamt that you guys were there, watching.� Turning to Kanda-kun, he added, �ne, Yuu, on a scale of one to ten�one
being least traumatic and ten being holy-shit-I-want-to-die�what would you rate
your nightmare last night?�

�� Yuu
scowled down at his half-empty bowl of soba noodles, though he looked
contemplative. �Seven,� he finally muttered. �No, wait.� He looked as if he
were concentrating very hard for a moment. �I wasn�t screaming, was I?� He
asked Lavi.

�� The
redhead shook his head. �No, but you were doing little whimpering things every
once in a while. But no, you definitely weren�t screaming.�

�� Then
it was a six,� Kanda-kun said. Lenalee�s heart broke a little. Only a six? What was so much worse than that that could be
called any number higher? She suspected sexual abuse from his heart-breaking
outburst when they�d all been getting drunk, but she had imagined that to be
the absolute worst of his abuse. From the way the number six had looked,
though, she was no longer sure. �I don�t scream when it�s anything below a
seven.�

�� What
happens when it�s anything higher?� Lavi asked quietly.

�� Reluctantly,
it seemed, Kanda-kun replied, �I scream at sevens, eights normally include
thrashing, I scream until I lose my voice�and you normally can�t wake me
up�when I�m having a nine, and tens�� Yuu shuddered and then added in the
tiniest voice he could manage, �the last time I had one, I had a seizure. I�ve
only ever had one.�

�� Lavi
put an arm around the Japanese man�s shoulder. �I won�t ask about those, then.
I just wanted the voyeurs over there to know that there�s a reason they
shouldn�t pry.� He shot them a glare,
and Lenalee felt a rush of guilt flow through her.

---

November
25, 2013�Allen�s Ark

�� Amanda
was pissed that they didn�t celebrate Thanksgiving in Britain, something to do
with their injured pride at the American Revolution. She really wanted to
celebrate it with her friends, something she�d wanted since she�d joined the
Order. Still, this was the first year that she wouldn�t be allowed to visit her
family on the date, and she had had to call her mother and explain tearfully
why they wouldn�t see her in three days.

�� She
sighed, lying down on the white cobblestones of the Ark and staring up at the
glaring, blindingly bright sun. Next to her, Mr. Darcy sat down, pulling her
head into his lap. He played with the locks of her hair, running his hands
through it and braiding it here and there�she would spend the next week and a
half getting it tangled in her hairbrush because of that�and generally enjoying
the feeling of it.

�� Lavi
lay down next to her, looking exhausted. He and Yuu-pyon
had just had another mock-fight that had degraded to attacking each other with
their Innocence. Amanda knew it hadn�t been real, just like with all the other
ones. It was simply how the two had fun together, when they were not doin� the
dirty or simply being around each other. She thought it was sweet, actually, in
a slightly twisted way. But then, they were both slightly twisted, so it worked
out.

�� Aaah, I love ya, Yuu-chan,� Lavi said softly, his voice
thick with the sleep that was already overtaking him. Amanda looked over. Yuu-pyon looked conflicted.

�� I�
I�� He broke off with a frustrated sigh and scowled at the ground. Amanda sat
up.

�� Lavi�s
snores filled the Ark, and Amanda approached the older man, pulling him up and
dragging him off to the nearest alley. Darcy looked after her like a lost puppy,
but she ignored it, instead looking at Yuu-pyon, who
ripped his hand from her grasp.

�� What
the fuck?� He asked.

�� You
can�t say it, can you?� Amanda asked quietly, stopping Yuu-pyon
short. The man looked around and sighed again in aggravation.

�� He
stared down at the shadowed cobblestones and scoffed. �It�s not that I don�t
want to,� he finally said, sounding like he was trying desperately to convince
her.

�� I
know,� Amanda said simply. It was very apparent, if one looked for it. But she
was concerned that Lavi wouldn�t. He was too attached to the situation to be
able to see it. In a way, the Bookmen had the right idea�if one looked on the
world with complete objectivity, he or she could see everything as it was. Grow
attachments, though, and the person could become blind.

�� I
really want to,� Yuu-pyon insisted.

�� I
know. It�s really obvious� it�s just that, well, Lavi�s oblivious,� Amanda said
shrugging.

�� But
I do, you know,� he said. He sounded�
relieved, almost, as if he had finally been able to say it out loud. It didn�t
surprise Amanda in the least.

�� I
know,� Amanda repeated. Then, struck
by inspiration, she added, �you think you�re going to
die, don�t you?�

�� Yuu-pyon nodded mutely, his scowl long gone.

�� Perhaps
that�s what�s keeping you,� she said, feeling that she sounded rather astute.

�� Yuu-pyon�s scowl was back in place. �Maybe,� he admitted in a
gruff voice.

�� You�re
gonna have to say it soon,� Amanda commented after a
long, uncomfortable silence.

�� I
know, but right now� I can�t.� He
sounded depressed and completely hopeless. Taking her chances, Amanda put a
hand on his arm, trying to be comforting. She wasn�t sure if she succeeded,
though, as Yuu-pyon staggered back a little, an
abrupt look of panic flashing in his eyes.

�� You�re
gonna haveta soon, though. Maybe not now�definitely not now�but soon. Lavi�s understanding, but he�s also oblivious, especially
when it comes to you. Just� don�t keep �im waitin� too long, �kay?�

�� Yuu-pyon nodded, and Amanda led the way back to the warm, sunny
courtyard. She lay her head back in Mr. Darcy�s lap,
where he proceeded to run his hands through her hair again. Yuu-pyon lay down next to Lavi, and before she fell asleep,
Amanda noticed him almost shyly grabbing Lavi�s hand.

---

A/N: We wanted to put them in Indonesia, but with transportation at the
time, that wasn�t realistic. :( *sob* And once again,
I fail at Geography. India is not, apparently, next to Iraq. And Brazil is not
in Africa. (Yes, Em2 really thought that. At least she knew where Portugal and
Russia are)

�A/N2: Editing over audio chat is
fun! Especially at midnight, when Em1�s parents yell at her
and Em2 has severe dyslexia� Surmised Apanda? Really? *dies*
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