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Blind Fury	By : HollowedRose Category: > Durarara!! (?????!! Dyurarara!!) Views: 6534 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!! and its characters. They belong to Ryohgo Narita. I'm not making any profit from this.

Chapter List
- 24
- 25
- 26
Chapter 25 - Scorpion Flower

Izaya barely succeeded in suppressing a whimper at the too familiar situation. He flinched when that silky brown hair touched his face as the freak moved away from his ear and he simply could not stand the way in which the man looked at him with those empty eyes that reminded him so much of dead fish eyes. His free hand twitched, the desperate need to just get away from there incinerating him like wildfire, but he didn't dare move, not when the beast's brother could easily snuff his life as though it was nothing. He didn't want to die. He didn't care how much he'd suffer if he kept on living, or whether he'd go to hell for all the bad things he'd done over the years, because even an eternity of suffering was worth knowing that he would still exist.
Liar, said a voice from a deep and dark corner of his mind, how can you still say that after you've known despair? Flashbacks of that night slammed into his mind with brutal force and he knew that he couldn't go through something like that again no matter how much he liked to believe that he could endure any kind of torment. Not again. Not again. Never again! Overcome with nausea, his vision flickered, and an intense shudder, something akin to terror, ran down his spine. "D-don't..." he said brokenly, his quivering voice giving away the fear he felt seeping through his veins.
Kasuka's eyes widened and he felt a pang in his chest, something that he had never felt with such intensity for anyone in his life besides Shizuo. "I would never..." he started, finally realizing what he was doing to Izaya. He removed the switchblade from the pale throat and shoved it into the pocket of his pants before grabbing Izaya by the T-shirt and pulling him up, the Informant's eyelids fluttering open as his boneless body was hauled up from on top of the table and dropped on the couch. Kasuka pushed away the Go Board and the different pieces scattered all over the table and sat down in front of Izaya, giving the man a few moments to recover from the shock. He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them again. It was always so easy for him to forget that others weren't as emotionally numb as he was and that something which wouldn't normally affect him could very well be devastating for someone else. "I didn't mean to... I didn't think you'd see it that way."
Izaya took a few more sharp intakes of breath before finally calming down enough to be able to speak. He raised a shaky hand to his face and felt warm liquid seeping from his nose, the coppery taste of blood in his mouth serving as proof that Kasuka had hit him really hard. His laugh came out rather pathetic, but he didn't care, not when his whole body was still thrumming with fear. "What happened?"
"You wanted to know the truth," Kasuka said, realizing in hindsight that he shouldn't have hit him so hard.
Izaya straightened his back with some effort and raised his head to stare at Kasuka. The thing before him was a monster, and not just because he always looked emotionless, but even so, the aforementioned monster knew when to stop, unlike the brute that was his brother. "That's not what I meant."
"I know. You must be surprised." Kasuka lowered his head, eyes fixed on the bloody hand he used to wipe away the crimson liquid flowing down his neck.
Izaya nodded. "I know you do your own stunts, but those moves... how?" Kasuka's attacks had been precise which meant that he knew exactly what he was doing.
Kasuka stared impassively at his hand, the blood smeared all over his palm bringing back memories of a time when seeing his own blood was not that unusual. "Shizuo made many enemies as we grew up and some of the people he beat up couldn't let go, so they came after me." He always associated those memories with physical pain, but that was it, because he couldn't remember ever feeling fear during any of those encounters with his brother's enemies.
Izaya's mouth fell open, unable to hide his shock at hearing Kasuka's confession, but at the same time it made perfect sense because he knew that humans were petty enough to go after someone weaker when they couldn't bring down the one they really wanted to destroy. He cringed, realizing that he had done the exact same thing as those pathetic creatures. No, it wasn't the same. He'd wanted to break Shizuo; it was the only way. It wouldn't have been impossible to find a way to physically hurt the beast, but what he wanted was to inflict emotional pain, which is why he had decided to use Kasuka in the first place. He was curious about one thing though. "Does he know any of this?"
"I never told him. The more I got attacked, the better I became at fighting, and after a while they gave up when they realized that I was no easy prey." He could still clearly remember their unadulterated rage each time they beat him up and instead of the crying and begging they were hoping to get, all they received in return was silence. He had screamed out in pain a few times, a natural response to intense physical agony, but that had been the most those cowards ever got from him. He wasn't calling them cowards because they were too scared to face Shizuo, but because they always ganged up on him. They knew he didn't possess Shizuo's strength, yet they were still too scared to face him alone.
Izaya's eyes roamed Kasuka's hunched formed. The freak was not weak at all and that somehow explained how he was able to hit Slon so many times before the assassin finally succeeded in immobilizing him. "Still, how come Shizuo never noticed?" He didn't remember ever hearing about the brute going around town beating up people for hurting his precious little brother.
"I always warned them not touch my face if they didn't want my brother to find out, and because they were cowards they listened to my request most of the times." It didn't always work though, so the few times he ended up with a bloody nose or a purple eye he told his parents that he'd gotten mugged by older kids, and no matter how much Shizuo asked him to describe his assailants, Kasuka pretended to not remember how they looked like. The bruises on his body were never a problem to hide, and even though it often hurt for days on end, he could easily ignore the pain and keep a straight face in front of his family.
Oh... that explains it, thought Izaya. No matter how much he cut into that pale throat, Kasuka didn't move a muscle, but the second he threatened to cut up his face the freak ended up losing it and attacking him. It made sense that those many years of physical abuse at the hands of the people who hated Shizuo―but didn't dare fight him fair and square―took a toll on Kasuka. Perhaps some of those idiots he sent after Shizuo back when they were still in high school had ended up taking revenge on Kasuka because they couldn't bring down Ikebukuro's beast. He couldn't understand how the protozoan had never noticed though. Has the idiot always been this blind? "You should've done something about it."
"Like what? Never go out again?"
Izaya thought he could hear bitterness in Kasuka's voice, but he couldn't be sure. It still made no sense that he'd keep quiet about something so serious. "Why didn't you ever tell him?"
Why? The answer is so simple, but you will most likely never understand, he thought as he raised his head and looked Izaya in the eyes. "I didn't want him to blame himself for what was happening to me. I couldn't risk it. What if he ended up killing someone because of me?"
"That would've been his fault."
Kasuka shook his head. "I often blame myself for the way he turned out, because my lack of reaction in general annoyed him more than anything else in the world. You said that I was pretending to be emotionless in order to not provoke him, but you were wrong, because the first time he lifted the fridge and tried to hurl it at me for eating his pudding, I didn't even blink. I believe it was my indifferent attitude in general which drove him to start lifting heavy objects and threaten me with them just to get me to react."
Izaya could hardly believe what he was hearing. When humans sense danger, they try to run away, yet this thing in front of him didn't even seem to understand the concept of fear very well. It was like it had no sense of self-preservation. Something was very wrong with Kasuka, of that he was certain. Fascinating.
Kasuka had never told anyone the truth. He wanted to be human, but at the same time he wasn't certain that he could deal with all the emotions that came with it. He had ended up upsetting Izaya just because he didn't know how to deal with the fear he experienced when he realized that he could've lost Shizuo forever, and that made him wonder just how much worse he would react if he was to drown in a sea of emotions. "Izaya."
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry for the way I acted today, but after what you tried doing to me and the knowledge that you tried to get my brother killed before, I couldn't stop myself from saying those hurtful words."
Izaya scoffed. "The words of a creature as empty as you mean nothing to me." How can someone who doesn't fell anything be sorry?
"My apology may not mean much to you, because this regret I feel―as well as everything else―feels weak, diluted, but it's still there."
Izaya's brows furrowed in confusion. "I don't understand."
Kasuka stared ahead for a while, trying to find a better explanation. Focusing his attention back to the man before him, he tried again. "I don't feel things like most people do, because these normal human emotions that you take for granted feel much lower in intensity in a person such as myself. If, and when, I feel something, the emotion is very weak."
Izaya blinked a few times, his brain still trying to process the freak's explanation. It was almost amusing in a sick, twisted way, how the two brothers were both monsters and yet complete opposites. They both kept blaming themselves for the way the other turned out, but the way Izaya saw it, it was just nature's way of saying, "Screw you!" to humanity. They were an anomaly, and he finally understood why he could love all of humanity but not Heiwajima Shizuo. The beast was a mistake and so was his brother.
"That's not all," Kasuka continued. "I wasn't being completely honest when I said that I forgave you for what happened today. I was confident in my ability to defend myself against you if I needed to, but you injected me with something and whatever that was left me weak. I couldn't fight off that man and it was frustrating."
"Apology not accepted," Izaya finally said, arms folded over his chest, eyes glaring daggers at him.
Kasuka felt that same twinge of something in his chest again. "I understand."
"What do you want from me?" He was too tired and he wanted to crawl into bed and hopefully pass out from physical exhaustion.
That's a good question, thought Kasuka and tried to phrase his request in such a way that would not upset Izaya too much. "I want you to try to get to know my brother before you decide whether or not you want to continue with your revenge."
Izaya's features twisted in anger. "I'll never forgive him for what he did."
"I'm not asking you to, but he now knows that what he did was wrong." What Shizuo had done was unforgivable, but Kasuka didn't believe that his brother deserved to die for it. What I did today was unforgivable too.
Izaya laughed bitterly. "You're too naive. Shizu-chan is probably looking for me as we speak."
"No, because he doesn't blame you for this."
Izaya's eyes widened momentarily before narrowing into slits, his hateful glare burning holes into Kasuka. "He blames me for everything. He always has."
Izaya was right about that, but for the first time in his life, Shizuo didn't blame the Informant because he knew that his actions had been the ones to push Izaya to take such extreme measures in order to take revenge. Kasuka didn't know exactly what happened while he had been unconscious, but he still couldn't believe that Shizuo would not try to murder Izaya after what the man had done. The old Shizuo would've lost himself to his rage, but the Shizuo from earlier that day had been someone he hardly recognized. He couldn't remember ever seeing him act like that and he found the whole thing to be extremely unusual. Kasuka could go as far as to call it progress. "No, not this time. He even asked me if I don't mind him not punishing you for what you have done today."
Izaya shook his head in denial. "He would never say that." Shizuo was a monster and he would certainly come looking for him no matter what because the blond was nothing more than a mindless beast who acted on its impulses, which in this case happened to be his desire to brutally murder the one who had hurt his precious little brother.
"Yet he did."
Izaya's hands balled into fists. "No!" He allowed his body to slump on the couch, feeling completely exhausted. He would never say that...
"I still don't understand why he snapped that day," Kasuka confessed. "I know that you sent gangs after him, that you pinned crimes on him, that you made him lose his job on multiple occasions, and even went as far as to get him shot, yet he never did anything else besides chasing you around and screaming about how he was going to kill you."
Izaya frowned. "I didn't do anything. I was just taking a stroll through Ikebukuro when a vending machine hit me out of nowhere. Now that you mention it, he was acting strange that time, more so than usual." He clearly remembered how annoyed he felt when Shizuo kept being an asshole to him even though he hadn't done anything bad in weeks. "You know, he never caught me before, no matter how hard he tried. I shouldn't have underestimated him. Usually he gives up after a while, but that evening he kept chasing me for a long time, like he was decided to catch me no matter what. I have no idea what happened that day to make him hate me so much more than usual."
"I..." Kasuka said weakly, his previously emotionless expression turning into something more human. "I think," he said, tilting his head and looking at Izaya with wide and slightly pained eyes, "I think it might've been my fault."
Izaya's body stiffened, brows furrowed in confusion and nails digging painfully into his arms. "What do you mean?"
"I sent him some clothes that day, and a suit, letting him know through a letter that I was aware of him losing his job at the bar. I wrote: 'These should be of more help to you now that you lost your job at the bar. Love, Kasuka.' It sounds cold, doesn't it? I'm a horrible brother."
Izaya's jaw stiffened and he needed a few moments to find his voice. "That's stupid, blaming yourself for what he did."
"I'm sorry," Kasuka said, weakly, that pain in his chest returning with higher intensity.
"You might be a monster, but at least you didn't do anything today besides being an asshole. Your brother on the other hand is a completely different story." Izaya let his arms fall by his sides, both his mind and body completely exhausted after such a long and painful day. "I need sleep."
Kasuka got up, picked up the coat and slipped into it, trying to ignore the blood seeping down his chest. "You're both so painfully human," he remarked before he turned around and started walking towards the door.
"Wait!" Izaya asked and pushed himself off the couch, slowly making his way towards the emotionless freak. "Even if it's you, this might hurt," he said just before he punched Kasuka in the face with all the strength he could muster.
Kasuka staggered backwards, blood already starting to flow down his chin before he leaned forward, trying to curl in on himself because of the pain overriding his senses, the coppery taste of blood in his mouth proof that the inside of his upper lip had gotten nicked when it smashed into his front teeth.
"Ugh!" Izaya cried out, his fist hurting so much that he could barely move it after using so much strength to punch the bastard in the face. "I'm not sorry," he said and flexed his fingers to confirm that none had been broken.
Kasuka raised his broken hand to try to stop the blood flowing out of his broken nose with the fur on the coat's sleeve, but he stopped mid-way, Izaya's glare making him give up on that thought. He lowered his hand and used the other one to stop some of the blood from flowing out of his nose and onto Izaya's floor, but it was no use, so he slowly straightened his back, the blood now cascading down his face and throat. He was not used to getting hit in the face. He blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the blurriness in his eyes. "You punch harder than Slon," he said as soon as he was able to speak again.
Izaya rolled his eyes.
"I think I might need reconstructive surgery."
"If that's the case, I believe we might be even."
"Then I hope I'll need that surgery," Kasuka said before he turned around and walked out of the apartment.
Ah, Kasuka, things might be exactly what they seem sometimes, but most of the times they aren't, thought Izaya as he watched him leave. Besides, Shizu-chan is not sorry... he could never be sorry.
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Blind Fury