The Key to My Heart

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 26
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: Found on gurabiteshiyon.net. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: Gravitation
Rating: R
Warnings: angst, bad language
Timeline: After the anime/manga finishes.
Characters: Yuki/Shuichi
Feedback: Feedback is always welcome! If I don’t get feedback, I don’t want to continue!
Summary: Just how far would Yuki go in search of Shuichi?
Author’s Notes: Sorry for the lengthy delays to this story. It is mainly due to being very busy with work, which is taking me away from home nearly every week, and as I’ve mentioned before I can only write if I get an idea to write about, and those just aren’t coming that quickly lately, probably because I’m just too tired.! Thanks for the reviews everyone, including blue, Rega and Kathy – and welcome, Suki, to the story!
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’ , nor am I making any profits from this.


The Key to My Heart: Chapter 26


Yuki’s eyes opened slowly and he yawned widely, stretching arms and legs as he did so. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it was almost noon. Yuki yawned again, hearing his jaw click, then swung his legs over the edge to get out of bed, automatically reaching for his cigarettes. He would have time to get ready and have a leisurely lunch before wandering down to the café to meet Shuichi later this afternoon.

He opened the curtains to view the day outside, stepping outside onto the balcony and blowing a lungful of smoke into the air. It was a bright, clear midday, not too hot, not too cold. It should be very pleasant to be able to sit down at the waterfront and relax for a while.

He had slept well last night, better than he had for the past nearly six months, his sleep not disturbed by nightmares that would leave him sweating and feeling haunted for hours after, although he could remember none of them.

He could remember dreaming, smatterings of images and feelings still hovering around the edges of his conscious mind. The strongest remnant was mainly that of a crowd of pink rabbits telling him to stop being a coward and accusing him of being a fool. That part had been a little disturbing actually!

However, there had been other bits that he could recall; images of Shuichi as he had used to be, from the first time Yuki had met him, to the last time he had seen him when he had left to leave on that fateful flight. Yuki would have thought that remembering all those things would have made him feel upset, or angry, or even depressed. Yet for some reason, he had woken up feeling reasonably…happy. Or perhaps calm, might be a better word for it. It seemed that all those memories reminded him of the reason why he was here in the first place.

It hadn’t been just to find Shuichi, though that had been a big part of it. It had been to bring Shuichi back; back with him, back home. That is why he had come all this way. Shuichi belonged with him. Not just with him, but to him. Yuki knew that sounded possessive to the extreme and bordered on the obsessive as well, but it was what he honestly felt. There was no-one else for him except Shuichi, so why would he not want the youth with him permanently? It made perfect sense to him. It was funny really. The only other people who seemed to understand and accept that part of him, was Shuichi himself, and Tohma. He was right – the two of them were almost exactly the same.

As he showered and brushed his teeth, he began to feel more resolved. Today would be the best time to talk to Shuichi, away from the pressures of him having just finished work and trying to get home to his girlfriend. Today, Yuki would find a way to tell Shuichi who he was really was, and how important he was in Yuki’s life.

Shuichi had been on time today, so Yuki hadn’t had to wait long at all. They had sat down at a table and ordered their usual, although this time Yuki did indulge in a strawberry shortcake.

“So you do like them!” Shuichi said with a broad smile, as the cake was placed before Yuki.

Yuki shrugged as he picked up his fork and severed a large portion, before stabbing it forcefully with his implement and bringing it to his mouth. “They’re alright.” he replied before filling his mouth.

Shuichi smiled broadly at him, doing the same with his chocolate piece. “Only alright? Looks like you’re enjoying that a little too much to just be ‘alright’!”

Yuki could do nothing except give a glare as his mouth was still occupied with masticating the cake, and he wasn’t about to spray Shuichi with crumbs by trying to talk in that state. Shuichi grinned around his mouthful, obviously realizing this.

It almost feels like normal, Yuki was thinking, whilst he chewed. The banter, the glares. Shuichi hadn’t even flinched when Yuki had glared at him, and stronger people had wilted before that look previously. Maybe that was part of Shuichi’s buried memories; the ability to withstand Yuki’s multifarious glares. Surely that was a good sign that there were still things buried deep in the youth’s psyche that would eventually surface with the right coaxing and prodding? Or if that failed, a slap over the back of the head might start to look good too. However, Yuki would save that one as the last resort. He’d try the coaxing and prodding first.

“Look, I don’t want to impose on you, so don’t feel that you have say yes, you can say no and I’ll quite understand, but would you mind if I bring Annette along tomorrow? She’d like to meet you.” Shuichi had managed to say all of this in one breath, rushing it out as though he thought that Yuki would interrupt him and prevent him from saying his piece.

Yuki had to clamp his teeth together to prevent his automatic response, which would have been a resounding ‘NO!’. That would serve no purpose except probably upset Shuichi, and he didn’t want to do that. He had absolutely no desire to meet the girl, or spend any time in her presence at all, but he guessed he could understand why Shuichi felt there was a need. After all, here was this man, in the persona of himself, taking up all his time and his girlfriend hadn’t been with him once. Maybe she was starting to suspect that something was going on? If only!

So instead of telling Shuichi to not be an idiot and, no, he didn’t want to meet his fucking girlfriend, and personally he hoped she would drop dead right this moment; he shrugged and said, “I didn’t know we were meeting tomorrow?”

“Oh, you’re right! Sorry, I just completely made that assumption by myself. I should have known that I was taking up your time. Sorry, that was selfish of me.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to meet you tomorrow.” Yuki said, taking a sip of his coffee. “I just meant that we hadn’t made any arrangements yet.”

“Look, forget it. It’s no problem. You don’t have to if you’re busy. It was just a thought.”

Yuki put his cup down and glared at Shuichi again, this time getting a small flinch in response. “Will you stop apologizing! You haven’t done anything wrong! Look, I’m good to meet tomorrow, just tell me where and when. It’s not like I’ve got any other pressing engagements, you know.”

“Oh, don’t you have other stuff to do?”

“Like what?” Yuki tried to keep the growl from his tone.

Shuichi waved his hand abstractly around. Unfortunately that hand held his fork, which also currently held a piece of cake, and a cascade of cake crumbs scattered across the table and onto the floor. “Oh, I don’t know, touristy stuff, or work stuff, or…I don’t know.”

“Shuichi, I only came here to try and find you, remember? I didn’t come here to sight-see, or to work. So I don’t have anything else to do, okay?”

Shuichi’s cake arc paused, and then returned slowly to his plate. “Ah, yes, I sort of forgot that bit.” He frowned at his cake, then looked over at Yuki, eyes a little sad. “Funny, isn’t it? I almost forgot that’s why you’re here. It just seemed…..” he half-shrugged. “I don’t know, like we were just talking. Like normal.”

Like normal? Could he mean like they used to do in the past? Was he remembering anything? But there was still no clear light of recognition in Shuichi’s eyes when he looked at Yuki, and so he swallowed against the lump in his throat.

“So, are you going to tell me what time to meet the two of you tomorrow?” Yuki said, trying to shake them both out of the dark mood that had seemed to settle across their table.

“You sure?” Shuichi asked searchingly.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Just tell me the details. Or do you need to discuss it with ..her …before you organize it?” He hoped Shuichi didn’t pick up the slight pause on the pronoun as he had difficulty censoring what he really wanted to put in there.

“No, that’s fine, we’ve already talked about it. She’s got a free period tomorrow straight after lunch, so why don’t we meet here at midday? That be okay with you?”

“Not a problem.”

Shuichi’s face lit up with a smile of obvious relief. “Great! Annette will be really pleased!”

Fuck Annette, Yuki snarled in his mind as he quickly filled his mouth with more cake to prevent himself from verbalizing anything he shouldn’t, and almost choking in his hurry.

They both ate for a moment more when Shuichi spoke up again, reaching for his coffee. “You started to say something last night when I had to leave. By the way, sorry I rushed off so suddenly, I just didn’t want to be too late home. I don’t like waking Annette up when I come in late as she’s coming up to exams soon.”

Bloody Annette again! Didn’t he ever shut up about her! Yuki took a firm grip on his irritation. He had to remain calm, he couldn’t scare Shuichi off. He mentally took a deep breath.

“I was just going to tell you that besides your family coming over, your band-mates are going to be as well.”

Shuichi’s eyes widened suddenly over the rim of his cup and Yuki saw his hand give a small shake. “When?” and the word came out in a squeak.

“Don’t panic.” Yuki reassured him. “They’re going to be heading over a couple of days after your family gets here, so you don’t have to worry about them all descending on you at once. Even Tohma wouldn’t do that to you.” He might do a lot of other things to you, but not that, Yuki mentally said to himself, taking another swallow of coffee.

Shuichi was still sitting there, looking a little shell-shocked. Yuki pursed his lips; this wasn’t looking particularly good. Hmm, not a good reaction at all. Perhaps it was all too much for the youth.

“Look, you know these people and they know you, really well. Remember I told you that your best friend is part of the band? He’s going to be there, and you go way back with him. He’s not going to do anything to you, and he’s going to understand the situation. None of them are going to push you into anything. They just want to see you again.”

Shuichi still sat in silence, unmoving. Yuki waited a moment. He wondered if he was going to have to order a carafe of ice water to tip over the boy to try and get some reaction from him. Finally Shuichi’s hand reached out to pick up his cup, only a slight tremble still present. Yuki saw him swallow hard to clear his throat before speaking.

“So you really think it will be okay?”

“It’ll be fine. Though I think I should warn you that they might seem a little crazy at first, so don’t freak out too much when you first meet them.”

Shuichi frowned at him, trepidation in his eyes. “Just how…crazy?”

What to tell him, and what not to?, thought Yuki, running the different personalities that were about to inundate Shuichi in a few days time through his mind Better prepare him for the worst.

“Well, Nakano is your best friend and he’s a pretty steadfast person, so you’ll have no problems with him. Fujisaki is generally pretty quiet, he’s the youngest of you all so I don’t think there’s any problems there. Your producer, Sakano - well, let’s just say that most of the time I think he should be on medication.”

“Med…i…cation?” Shuichi said faintly, not looking the least reassured.

“I don’t mean that in a bad way. He’s just very highly strung. Don’t worry, you won’t have any problems with him. That man lives only to please others. I think he’ll come back as a doormat in his next life and be perfectly happy.”

‘Hmm. So, anyone else?”

“Only your manager, K.”

“What’s he like?”

Oh, boy, now there was the billion yen question! So just what answer was he going to give to this one!

“He’s an American, so you have to expect him to be strange.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Shuichi shrugged a little. “I’ve been living over here and haven’t found them that odd. Just some of the things they say and do are a little hard to figure out.”

“Well, K is pretty much the extreme in most things. He’s got a fetish for firearms, so don’t think anything of it if he suddenly starts waving a gun around and firing shots. Speaking of which, I had better make certain the hotel is warned so they don’t call the cops if he starts putting holes in the ceiling. I’ll tell them to send the repair bill to Tohma.”

Shuichi’s eyes had enlarged to almost twice their size at this recitation. “Are you serious?!” he managed to gasp out. “Are you truly, fucking serious? And this….maniac….is my manager?!”

“Yep. Despite all that, he’s a damn good one too, and you have him to thank for a lot of your success as ‘Bad Luck’ in your early days. So just cut him some slack, ignore most of the things he does, and filter out most of what he says, because he sometimes can spout a load of crap like you wouldn’t believe.”

Shuichi let out a deep sigh, shaking his head. “I don’t know if I can handle all that.” he said looking over at Yuki. “They all seem a little…..over the top.”

Yuki waved his concern aside. “Just keep telling yourself that you used to deal with these people every day and have for years, and you never batted an eye at their antics before. Just accept that’s the way they are, and don’t let it bother you. You can do this, it’s no big deal.”

“Well, I guess I don’t really have any choice. I can’t keep ignoring them forever, or trying to hide from them. Though after hearing what you’ve said, running away is really beginning to look attractive!”

Although Yuki knew that Shuichi had said the last in a semi-joking - he hoped - manner, the thought of the youth disappearing again just made his chest hurt.

“Oh, well.” Shuichi said with another sigh, taking another mouthful and leaning back a little in his chair. “I guess I had better just prepare myself for the worst, and face them all head on!”

“Best way to do it.” Yuki agreed, relieved that Shuichi had seemed to accept it all and find some inner equilibrium again. That was a good sign.

They finished eating the last of their respective cakes in silence. Yuki immediately lit up a cigarette to have whilst indicating he wanted a second coffee.

“Hey!” Shuichi suddenly said, leaning forward and reaching in front of Yuki. Before Yuki could stop him, Shuichi had picked up his lighter, looking intently at the sticker plastered on the side. After lighting his cigarette, Yuki had just dropped it with his packet of smokes on the table before him, within easy reach. He hadn’t thought quick enough to hide it from Shuichi’s sight.

Shuichi turned it over in his hands, coming back to the sticker. What he was staring at was a picture, a picture of them together. The picture taken in the photo booth when they went on their first date many years ago.

Shuichi had never seemed to notice before that Yuki still had the same lighter from back then. He even went to a special shop in Tokyo to ensure it was painstakingly taken apart, refilled, then put back together in working order.

It had sometimes seemed like such a useless process. The cheap disposable lighters would have been a lot more convenient and easier for him than going to all the trouble he was, but for some reason he just couldn’t bring himself to throw that particular lighter away. He had tried to once, dropping it into the bin when it was empty, resolutely turning his back on it and using another lighter for the rest of the time. But by the end of that day, he had fished it out again, and gone and had it refilled once more.

“How come we’re in a photo together? And why have you got it on your lighter?” Shuichi asked with nothing but curiousity in his voice. Yuki bit his lip, caught off-guard at the situation. “You know, you look so pissed off. Was I bugging you or something? You look like you really hated something, what ever it was!” He looked up suddenly at Yuki. “You don’t hate me, do you?”

“No!” Yuki said sharply. “It was …just a difficult day.”

Did he really look like he hated being there that day with Shuichi? Is that how it looked to an outsider? He hadn’t hated that day, it was one of the best memories he had. Once he had agreed to the date and they had headed off, he had had a good time. Maybe not in the same boisterous, bounding way Shuichi had enjoyed it, but he had still enjoyed it in his own way. Part of that enjoyment was from watching his younger partner enjoying himself. His good humour was sort of infectious.

“So what’s the deal?” Shuichi wanted to know, the lighter with its glaring evidence still grasped in his hand.

Now was the perfect time, Yuki thought. Now would be the time to tell him that they lived together, that Yuki was his lover. Now he could tell him everything about their life together, how he was meant to be with him. That he belonged to him! Yes, now was the time.

He looked at Shuichi’s earnest face opposite him, opened his mouth to confess everything – and stopped.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell him, as his throat closed on the words. If Shuichi thought he looked so pissed off in that photo, he was hardly going to believe they were living together! Shuichi still didn’t remember anything about their relationship, that was pretty obvious. If Yuki tried to tell him now, he would just think he was lying, or get so fucking scared he’d refuse to have anything more to do with Yuki, let alone return to Japan. Yuki had to be very careful to ensure he gave the youth no reason what-so-ever to do either. He couldn’t afford to screw this up and lose Shuichi forever. There was still hope. He couldn’t ruin that now.

So……….he lied.

Trying to hide the trembling of his hand, Yuki put his cigarette down on the ashtray, clasping both hands around his coffee cup.

“Well, we sort of see a fair bit of each other at times.” he said, trying to think desperately of what to say.

Shuichi cocked his head to one side. “How do you mean? I thought you said you knew me through your brother-in-law and the band?”

“Yeah, I do, but there’s a bit more to it than that.”

“What?”

“Well, the first time we met was by accident, before you got involved with Tohma.”

“How?”

“We bumped into each other in the park back home. You had lost some lyrics you were working on, and I happened to pick them up.”

“So you read them?”

“Yeah.”

“Did we talk about them or something?”

“We…talked about them.”

“So did you like them?”

Yuki had to think hard for moment, wondering whether he should be completely honest or not. No, that would probably be a bit too harsh, so he hedged again, “I….suggested some changes to them.”

“Oh. Are you also a songwriter?”

“No, I write novels.”

“Really? Wow! You never told me. What sort of books? Bet they’re mystery thrillers, filled with danger, death and political intrigue! That seems like the sort of guy you are.”

“Actually, I’m a romance novelist.”

Shuichi stared at him, cup paused halfway to his mouth. “You’re kidding!”

Yuki shook his head. “Not at all.”

“But…romance?” Shuichi looked so disappointed at seeing his vision of Yuki’s masculinity being crushed.

“Hey!” Yuki said a little sharply, feeling disgruntled by the youth’s reaction. “I’m fucking good at what I do.”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Really? There’s a market for that sort of stuff?”

“Of course there is, you idiot. How many millions of women do you think are out there? Most of them devour any book that they think is romantic. My writings appeal to a large population in the world and they sell well.”

“Just how well?”

Shuichi really couldn’t remember anything about Yuki, or his life. “I’m on the top of the Japanese book listing, and every book is a best seller upon release. I’m not just some hack writer. Check it out sometime and you’ll see.”

“Well, I guess I could.” Shuichi looked at Yuki again, then shrugged. “Sorry, but I just can’t see you as a romance writer. It just doesn’t seem…you.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what I do for a living. Just as you sing in a band.”

“Okay, as long as you’re happy doing what you’re doing, who am I to question it.” He took a sip of his drink, “But have you ever tried writing something a little more manly?”

“Shut up! It’s my style!”

Shuichi held a hand up in surrender. “Okay, okay! Don’t get all shitty at me! I was just asking.”

“Huh!” Yuki snorted, picking up his cigarette again and leaning back in his chair.

Shuichi took another long drink, then put his cup down. “But that doesn’t explain the picture on your lighter.”

Damn it, the kid hadn’t been distracted by the prior conversation. Just how could Yuki explain this so Shuichi would believe him. He wasn’t entirely gullible; Yuki couldn’t make up a story that was too implausible. What would Tohma say, he wondered, taking another drag on his cigarette to try and give himself time to think.

“Like I said, we’d met briefly before, then your band got picked up by the label NG Productions run by my brother-in-lawn, Tohma Seguchi. So that meant we were seeing more of each other. You started to become quite popular, and I already was, so the media used to give both of us hell making up a lot of crap and stuff. Since we….got along together,” Yuki knew that was stretching the truth a little, but Shuichi wasn’t going to know that. “we started sharing together. Of course, the media made it out to be something a lot more, which was making life pretty difficult for us both. It was Tohma,” Yeah, Tohma, I’m going to make you the bastard here – after all, I’m channeling you at the moment! “Who thought that a way to try and get them to eventually leave us alone would perhaps be that we should go along with it. Not to mention that it would be good for both of us, publicity-wise. There’s nothing wrong with promoting yourself a bit, if you can.”

“So we lived together?”

“Yeah, but purely platonically. With your busy schedule recording and my deadlines with books, we’d go months with hardly seeing each other anyway. And another thing, you just spent enough time there to convince the media that the whole story was true. It was just a stunt.”

“Seems pretty complicated.” Shuichi said, pushing Yuki’s lighter around on the top of the table.

“Not really. Not when you realize just what your life was like. All of that was pretty tame to other things you got up to.”

“And the media really bought it?”

“Hook, line and sinker.” Yuki confirmed.

“So what about this photo?”

“That was taken one time when we had gone out. The paparazzi located us and were giving us hell, so we tried to hide from them by ducking into a photo booth. You’re a bit of a spaz, and so thought it would be fun to take some photos to kill the time while we were in there. You’d do crazy things like that.”

Shuichi just grinned at him. “Still do!”

“Thought so.”

“So you put this on your lighter?”

“No, idiot, you did! You thought it would be funny to do so as it would only add to the story of us being in a relationship.”

Shuichi laughed. “That does sound like something that I would do!” he said. “You didn’t mind too much, did you?”

Yuki shrugged, “Nah, not really.”

“No wonder you look so pissed off in the photo,” Shuichi said, picking up the lighter once more to look at the picture. “You must have hated having to hide from the press again.”

“It’s not one of my favourite past-times.” Yuki answered.

“I look pretty happy though.”

Oh, you were very happy that day, Yuki thought, remembering the date they had had. “You always tend to be happy. Sometimes it’s annoying. However, you’re a bit more used to dealing with the press chasing after you because of ‘Bad Luck’. If you didn’t like the limelight and all the attention, you’d never have chosen to be a singer. Stuff like that really doesn’t phase you much.”

“So I guess we get along pretty well then.”

“Most times.” Yuki replied, then continued honestly. “Sometimes we get on each other’s nerves. You’re sometimes too loud and boisterous.”

“And I bet you’re sometimes too grumpy and broody!” Shuichi threw back at him quickly.

Yuki blinked for a moment in surprise. Shuichi had just hit it right on the nail. “Maybe. A bit.” he conceded grudgingly.

“Yeah, right. I bet you’re usually unbearable to be with, especially if you’re busy or concentrating on something.”

“I like to have peace and quiet when I’m working.”

“You know what? We must have been the oddest ‘couple’ in the press! How on earth could they believe that we were in a relationship?”

Yuki shrugged. “Maybe because we were so different. Probably just because we were both popular public figures so it sold well. We were pandering to the public’s fantasies.”

Shuichi shuddered a little, “You make it sound ghastly.”

“It didn’t really bother us much. In the beginning it was a real pain, but once things settled down and we’d been putting on this front for a few years, it’s not such a big deal now.”

“Well, I guess that’s good news.” Shuichi pushed Yuki’s lighter towards him. “But one thing I’m curious about.”

“What?” Yuki asked, picking up the lighter and slipping it into his pocket out of sight.

“Why the hell do I have pink hair?!”