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仁義	By : Kimmimaru Category: Gravitation > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1234 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, the characters or settings and of course i make no money from writing this.

Chapter List
- 25
- 26
- 27
Chapter 26: Itami (Pain)

"I'm home!" Shuichi kicked off his shoes and bounced happily towards the living room, he frowned when he saw Yuki sitting in the dark, a cigarette smoking between his lips. "Yuki?" He stepped into the living room and moved towards his lover.

"You're late." Yuki muttered, his voice harsh and unforgiving.

"Well, yeah...I left you a message telling you I'd be late today!" he crouched before his boyfriend and looked into his face.

"You smell of alcohol..." Yuki met his lover's eyes and scanned his face, the scar was all but gone, the surgery had gone off without any complications. "What have you been doing? Who were you with?"

"I told you! I was with Hiro and K-san! We went for drinks to celebrate the...ow! Yuki...you're hurting me!" Yuki had grabbed Shuichi's wrist tightly, the bones creaked ominously. "Y-Yuki...?"

"I've been waiting for you..." He muttered and dragged the singer into his lap. Shuichi could smell the drink on the writer's breath. "You said you'd be late...but you never told me why..." he slipped a hand down Shuichi's back slowly, his lips caressed the skin of the singer's throat. "What were you really doing? Shuichi...I worry about you."

"Y-Yuki...Nothing's wrong. I was with...Ah! H-Hiro..." He moaned softly as Yuki's fingers slid into the waist band of his trousers.

"Don't lie." Yuki muttered. "These trousers...you usually only wear them on stage or when you're going clubbing..." Shuichi moved his hips suddenly when he began massaging the bulge in his trousers.

"Nnn..." The singer groaned heavily and closed his eyes. "Yukiiii...What's...un! What's wrong with you?"

"I'm fine. I just want you to take more care of yourself, I worry...you're so trusting, so happy to go along with things that anyone can take advantage of you..." His fingers slid into Shuichi's pocket and he withdrew a tiny packet of white pills. "Like this." Shuichi's eyes widened, but he couldn't respond. Yuki's golden eyes looked into his which were wide with shock. "You thought I wouldn't notice? Did you think I'm that stupid?"

"N-No...Yuki I..."

"I knew something wasn't right with you! Are you a total idiot? Do you know what these things do to a person? You could seriously fuck up everything!"

"But I..."

"No excuses! I hoped you'd learnt you're lesson about drugs after nearly being forced into selling your body but..."

Shuichi's eyes narrowed. "But that's exactly why I need them!" He snapped suddenly, his whole personality changing in an instant. "They make me forget! They help me fight off the nightmares! You'll never understand what its like...to feel so useless and helpless all the time! So, stay out of my business!" He snatched the bag away from his lover and slid to the floor before stalking off into the bedroom.

Yuki heard the door slam as Shuichi came out a while later, he held his phone in his hand and he avoided Yuki's gaze. "I'm going out...I don't know when I'll be back..."

"Where are you going? You can't walk around on your own. You'll..."

"I'll be fine!" Shuichi snapped as he walked to the door, he had his bag thrown over one shoulder and he went to the front door shoving his feet into his trainers and yanking the door open.

Yuki followed him. "Please, Shuichi...Talk to me!"

"Let go!" Shuichi ripped his arm from his lovers hand and glared at him before stepping out the door and slamming it in Yuki's face.

Ryuichi looked at his phone, he had only just returned from Kyoto and he had been phoned by Shuichi who had sounded upset. The younger singer was on his way over to spend the night, something Ryuichi had gladly agreed to as it would mean yet another distraction from his extremely dark thoughts of Tohma. He sat on his sofa with his knees drawn up to his chest as he stared at the opposite wall with a dark frown, he knew he couldn't live without Tohma, he no longer had a purpose in life...he was useless. No one needed him. What was the point of continuing to live? His eyes drifted almost casually to the Tanto he now kept at his side, it glittered in the half light of the desk lamp as if inviting him to use it. His fingers crept across the sofa and closed around the hilt, he lifted it to the light and watched the silver blade flash. Suddenly he was brought from his senses by the door bell, the knife fell from his fingers and he blinked a few times before standing and walking to the door. He opened it and saw Shuichi outside. "Shu-chan!" He greeted the other singer with a small smile before stepping aside and letting the boy enter the house. "Welcome..." Once Shuichi was settled on the sofa Ryuichi sat at his side, he curled his feet beneath him and watched the younger man. "You sounded sad on the phone..." Ryuichi reached out and let his fingers brush hair from Shuichi's face, the boy turned and looked at him.

"You haven't finished teaching me...Sakuma-san...I...I wanted to learn how to defend myself."

Ryuichi paused and smiled softly. "Of course, I'll keep my end of the bargain...if you'll keep yours." Shuichi chuckled and nodded. "But not right now, it's late...let's watch a movie!" He ruffled Shuichi's pink hair and moved to climb off the sofa.

"Sakuma-san?"

"Yes?" Ryuichi was on his knees rummaging through his huge DVD collection.

"Um...Y-You...You were...attacked...like me, right? I mean...if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine I just..."

"I was." Ryuichi paused and lowered his head slightly, he kept his back to Shuichi and didn't turn around. "I was fifteen the first time, several men ganged up on me...they defiled me. They were killed by the old Oyabun, so I never got my revenge. At the time I was saving myself, determined to keep myself pure for only one person...I wanted him to take me, but...it wasn't to be. Then I was taken in by Tohma's predecessor and trained under his Wakagashira, in exchange for this training I gave the man my body, well, I figured it wouldn't make any difference as I was already filthy so I agreed. I did it all for one person...my very life revolved around him. I became his shadow, always at his back, always protecting him..." He sighed heavily and covered his face with one hand. Shuichi watched the older singer in silence. Slowly he lifted his head and turned around, Shuichi saw his smile, it was cold, empty of true emotion. His eyes glittered as he drew one knee to his chest and rested his elbow on it, his fingers tangled in his hair and once again Shuichi felt heat flush his cheeks. "I understand what you are going through, I even understand the need for the drugs flowing through your blood..."

Shuichi's eyes widened. "H-how...?"

Ryuichi laughed, a sound that sent chills up Shuichi's spine. "It's all in your eyes, Shu-chan..."

Shuichi sighed and looked away from those sapphire eyes. "I don't understand you." He muttered. "When I was younger, I used to watch all your video's...I listened to your CD's over and over until I knew them all by heart, I own loads of posters of Nittle Grasper...and in real life you're so...beautiful, it takes my breath away, even now. But you're personality is...strange." He looked back at the older singer who was watching him intently, his gaze unwavering and it was like a physical weight in Shuichi's chest. "You talk of giving your life as if it's meaningless to you..."

"It is." Ryuichi moved, he crawled towards the young singer, his blue eyes pinning Shuichi to the spot. "My life, my soul, my body...all of it is meaningless without him." When he reached the sofa he sat on his knees, his hands resting on Shuichi's legs. "This life is nothing but physical sensation, emotions are useless...they are for the weak. I gave them up a long time ago, Shuichi...If you truly want to protect yourself, lock it all away. Keep your emotions hidden from everyone, hide yourself so you will never be hurt again...I can teach you not just physical defence but also ways to hide your weaknesses. I can teach you how to use sex as a way to get what you want...to manipulate using your body..." Slowly he slid his hands up Shuichi's legs as he leaned so close his lips were brushing the younger mans. "Do you want that? Do you want to be dragged into my world?"

Shuichi stared into those eyes, eyes that filled him with heat. He swallowed but his throat was dry, he watched as Ryuichi moved in, lips were pressed against his and a tongue slid into his mouth. He was too stunned to move, his body had gone numb. Ryuichi's fingers tightened in his hair and he pulled away long enough to move to his throat. "S-Sakuma..." Shuichi breathed. The brunet stopped and looked up at the other singer, his smile was small but still sent heat through Shuichi's body.

"It's alright...I promise I'll be gentle..." Ryuichi giggled before suddenly tearing open Shuichi's shirt and revealing his chest, his lips caressed the soft skin, his tongue ran across his nipples making Shuichi moan. "Let me make you feel good..." Ryuichi whispered, his fingers found Shuichi's jeans and he un-did the button. He had them open and he dragged them down a little way exposing Shuichi's semi erect penis, slowly he began massaging it with his fingers. His eyes devoured the sight of Shuichi as he threw his head back, his fingers digging into the sofa cushions and his lip trapped between his teeth. Then Ryuichi lowered his head and ran his tongue around the tip of Shuichi's erection, the pink haired singer twitched at the unexpected heat. He opened an eye and looked down just as Ryuichi slid lips around the tip.

"Oh..." Shuichi gasped as the intense heat surrounded him completely. He grabbed handfuls of Ryuichi's hair and held tightly as he lifted his hips, moving deeper into his mouth. "S-sss...Goood..." he moaned. He threw his head back and slipped further into the sofa, pleasure swamped him making him forget everything. His body, driven on by desire, began moving of its own accord. "Ah..." He moaned loudly making Ryuichi smile.

Once again Yuki had a bad feeling. He had no idea where Shuichi was, he didn't even know if he was safe or not...but there was little he could do except wait. He stared at the blank television screen, his bad feeling sitting heavily in his chest.

Shuichi closed his eyes as he was filled with sensation, his body flushed with excruciating heat. He could feel Ryuichi talented tongue sliding around the head of his erection, he groaned and tightened his fingers in that soft brown hair. "I-I..." He gasped as he felt his orgasm close in rapidly. "C-cumming...! Ah!" Shuichi came with a cry, he threw his head back and shivered as he released into Ryuichi's mouth. The brunet pulled away with a smile, he giggled at Shuichi's ruffled appearance as his eyes refocused.

"Shuichi's cute..." The singer stood slowly. "You taste good..." He muttered as he pushed the younger man back on the sofa. "Do you...want to take it further?" His hand slid down his chest. "I know you're curious...You liked watching me with Tohma. I can make all your fantasies come true, Shu-chan...just tell me what you desire."

Shuichi stared up at Ryuichi in silence, he didn't know what to do or say. He was afraid, but not as scared as he knew he should have been. "I-I...I've only ever been with Y-Yuki..."

Ryuichi stared down at his new toy, his head cocked to one side slightly. "Don't you want to know what it's like with others?"

"B-But...you're a guy!" Shuichi pressed his hands to the older man's chest who laughed.

"Of course I am, silly Shuichi! Yuki's a guy too...It's not bad you know, that writer had loads of other lovers before you. Don't you think it's only fair you have similar experiences?"

Shuichi stared into those intense blue eyes, they were glittering oddly as if Ryuichi was a man on the edge of some big break down. "Are you...alright?"

Ryuichi suddenly jerked back, his eyes widened and he shoved fingers into his hair. "Shuichi!" he muttered and closed his eyes, he curled in on himself and hid his face. "I'm sorry." His voice had changed, he had reverted to his childish persona. "I-I'm really sorry! Shuichi shouldn't be around that guy! He's...he's mean!"

Shuichi heard the tears in the singer's voice, he placed his hand on Ryuichi's shoulder and waited for him to look up. "It's alright...he didn't hurt me."

"B-But...he wants you!" Ryuichi's huge eyes filled with tears. "He wants to make you his, b-but I only need your voice! You should go...you should go back home. Yuki-san will be waiting for you...you don't need us, you need someone who can love you!"

Shuichi stared in shock at the brunet. "What happened?" He asked suddenly, he knew something was very wrong with Ryuichi. "Why are you so sad?"

Ryuichi stifled his tears, wiping them away on his wrist. He looked away before speaking in a low voice. "Tohma told me he didn't need me anymore...he cast me away. I knew...I knew deep down that he would throw me away eventually but I...I couldn't think about it. I had to do my duty to him and protect him! No matter what...his life is so much more important than mine! Even though he doesn't need me I still...I still need him!" He broke down. The sudden violent tears were too much for Shuichi who pulled Ryuichi into an embrace and pressed his lips to the older singers. Ryuichi froze, his eyes wide beneath strands of hair. He took a breath and kissed back, slowly and carefully exploring Shuichi's mouth with his tongue. He slipped his fingers into Shuichi's hair and whispered; "Sing for me..."

Shuichi half opened his eyes and looked into deep pools of sapphire. He nodded once and smiled weakly before singing softly. Ryuichi lay in Shuichi's lap with a smile as Shuichi's fingers ran through his hair, the song came to an end and Ryuichi sat up. "Thanks..." He said with a small smile. "Shu-chan cheered me up!" Slowly he stood up. "Do you want anything? I'm going to get something to drink..."

Shuichi shook his head. "No thanks." As Ryuichi turned around Shuichi gasped. "Sakuma-san!" He took hold of Ryuichi's arm and made him stand still. "What is all this...on your back?"

Ryuichi turned, his smile had turned bitter. "This..." He slid his fingers over the scars on his lower back. "This is a reminder of why I exist. It's like...a brand I guess. A mark of ownership..."

"D-Did...Seguchi-san...?"

Ryuichi's smile faltered a little before he recovered. "I-I'll get a drink..."

"Wait!" Shuichi's grip tightened on the brunet's wrist. "That's abuse! He can't do that to you! You're not a piece of property that he can just throw away when he gets bored! You're a human being!"

"Shuichi..." Ryuichi turned and sat at Shuichi's side, he shoved his fingers into the singer's pink hair. "I'm glad that you care, but in all honesty I was fine being treated like that. As long as I could be by his side I didn't care what he did to me...the scars were just proof that I was valuable to him! And now...they're a reminder of him. It's fine. I know you don't understand but I threw away any right I had to call myself human when I first washed blood from my hands. But, thank you...thank you for caring. No one's ever cared about me like you...I've always been little more than a weapon so I'm grateful."

"But that's...so sad..." Shuichi muttered. Ryuichi smiled and wrapped his arms around the younger singer.

They stayed like that for a while, Ryuichi resting his head on Shuichi's shoulder and Shuichi's arms around the older man's neck.

"Ryu...ichi?"

The voice made Ryuichi jump. He sat bolt upright after nearly falling asleep, he hadn't even heard the door open. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the entrance to the living room. There stood Tohma, his cold blue eyes on the sleeping form of Shuichi, the boy's trousers were still undone and he mumbled softly to himself as he rolled over onto his side. "T-Tohma!" Ryuichi gasped, he stood up and swayed slightly only just managing to catch himself on the sofa before he fell.

"What is going on?"

"Nothing..." Ryuichi moved forward but stopped when Tohma sent him a glare. "What are you doing here?"

"I..." Tohma faltered and sighed heavily. "I can't go very long without knowing you're alright..." He muttered after a long pause.

Ryuichi forced a smile. "I'm fine." He said with fake cheeriness. "I'm having a sleep over with Shuichi!"

Tohma's eyes returned to the sleeping singer on the sofa before meeting Ryuichi's sapphire gaze. He stepped forward and suddenly grabbed Ryuichi's wrists in both of his hands, he slammed him against the wall and the assassin flinched before feeling Tohma's lips pressed against his. He closed his eyes tightly and felt his knees give way, together they slid down the wall. "I can't do it." Tohma gasped as he pulled away and pressed his forehead against Ryuichi's. "I can't do it anymore..."

Ryuichi felt his heart shatter all over again, tears stung his eyes and squeezed themselves between his closed lids. "No!" he muttered. "Please...stop..."

"I can't." Tohma moved so he pinned Ryuichi to the floor, he began kissing his throat and chest, his tongue tracing seductive patterns on the singer's skin. "Everything's so wrong without you by my side...I can't do anything without you there!"

"T-Tohma...please..." Ryuichi begged but his pleas were ignored. Tohma slid his hands up Ryuichi's chest and the singer closed his eyes. "I hate you..." He muttered, his hands digging into Tohma's shoulders. "You said you don't need me and now...and now this!"

"Ryuichi...?" Tohma paused and looked into the singers face.

"I'm...so confused...I just...don't understand you at all! Please, just...just tell me what you want from me and I'll do it! Stop playing with me!"

Tohma paused, their eyes met and the silence was oppressive. "I...only want you to be safe." He whispered finally, he leaned in and kissed Ryuichi on the lips. "You'll be alright when you return to America, then you'll be free from everything. I won't be able to hurt you again if you're far away from me."

Ryuichi shook his head and pushed Tohma away. "I'm not going back to America." He said firmly. "You can't tell me what to do anymore, Seguchi." He frowned as a dark anger boiled up from his chest where he had long ago locked away all his deeper emotions. "I'm staying in Japan, I've found someone who...really cares about me and I have every intention of helping them!"

"But..."

"No! I've made up my mind! Since you pushed me away you forfeited any right you had to give me orders! I only wanted you to let me do my job...but if I can't do that maybe my skills will be better used elsewhere..."

"What are you saying?" Tohma sat back, shock making his eyes wide.

"I'm saying that you had your chance and you blew it! I've had...an offer and I am going to take it."

"An offer? From who?"

Ryuichi smiled. "It doesn't matter to you surely? After all, I'm nothing but a play thing for you..."

"It seems I underestimated you, Ryuichi-san." Tohma muttered as he stood and straightened out his suite. "I thought you're devotion to me and the family was worth more to you than a job...obviously I was wrong. I'm sorry, I miscalculated and assumed that you would want to return to my employ...Please forgive the intrusion, I will leave you now and not bother you again." He turned away and Ryuichi watched him walk out the door and his life.

"Tohma..." The singer curled into a ball and fought tears, he didn't want to feel this way, he hated the fact that Tohma had such an effect on him. No one else could reduce him to tears so easily, no else could break him so badly he was little more than a mess.
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仁義