Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Innocent Rain	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3947 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: We own nothing of D. Gray-Man, nor do we profit in any way from this fanfic.

Chapter List
- 26
- 27
- 28
Chapter 27�Once Upon a December

December 7, 2013�Washington, DC

�� It was snowing
out, large fluffy flakes that descended mystically from the heavens. All around
them was ice from the storm the previous night. Though it had calmed enough for
them to be out, Allen still felt a prickle of worry in the back of his head
that perhaps they shouldn�t be. But Lenalee looked happy for the first time in
weeks, smiling and joking with Amanda.

�� Ne, Yuu, look at how the street lights
shine off the ice on the trees,� Lavi said, grabbing Kanda�s hand and pointing
at one tree in particular.

�� Yes, it�s very
nice, now can we keep moving?� Kanda said curtly, wrenching his hand from
Lavi�s.

�� Ah,
c�mon! I�m tryin� to make a romantic mood
here!� Lavi complained, catching up with the dark-haired man. Allen laughed. It
was such a stereotypical scene between the two. He supposed they deserved to be
normal for a bit, as they still hadn�t recovered completely from their
captivity. They didn�t mention it, but Road had been in tears when she�d
confided in him about their dreams, and Allen himself had heard them screaming
at night. He saw the light emanate from the room though the rest of the Ark was
completely dark. It was sad, actually, that his friends�and he grudgingly
included Kanda in that group�were so traumatized. He wanted to help, but that
wasn�t something he was in the position to do. Kanda and Lavi could take care
of each other, just like he and Lenalee did for the other. A symbiotic
relationship, Amanda had called it.

�� Che.�

�� Though Kanda�s response
was short and was supposed to be harsh, Allen saw the older man wait for Lavi
to catch him up and reach his hand over in the tiny space between them.

�� I�m so glad they
seem better,� Lenalee said from next to him, making Allen jump.

�� When did you get
right next to me?� He asked, though he didn�t mind.

�� Lenalee giggled
and linked her arm in his. �You should pay attention, Allen, there could be
Akuma around.�

�� Allen knew she was
joking�there hadn�t been an Akuma sighting since October. They hadn�t done
anything since Artemis had died. It was actually very infuriating. For the
first time since he�d joined the war, Allen felt spectacularly useless. It also
made him nervous. Just what was the Earl planning?

�� Oh, this looks
like a good shop! Miranda, will you come in with me? You too, Lenalee! The rest
of you, stay the fuck out!� Amanda called, pointing toward a store with an
inordinate amount of lacy lingerie and pink items. Miranda looked horrified,
but Lolek ushered her in, looking quite at home.

�� What?� He said, looking offended at the girls� stares. �I had a twin
sister. She dragged me here all the time.�

�� You�ll see what
we get later, when Miranda shows it off for you�now get!� Amanda ordered,
gesturing for Lolek to stop following. He retreated back, coming to stand next
to Allen.

�� Women,� he
muttered, �you�ll never understand them, no matter how long you live.�

�� Allen nodded
gravely. It was true.

�� That�s why you
should try men�they�re much less complicated�OW! Yuu-chan, what was that for?�

�� Allen laughed as
Lavi was hit over the head with the flat of Mugen�s blade. Shaking his head, he
took a look around at the evening crowd. They had decided to go Christmas
shopping, seeing as they had had nothing better to do. Surveying the obviously
human passersby, Allen could tell why. Where
had all the Akuma gone?

�� Out of the corner
of his eye, he saw Darcy, Lolek, and Lavi start a snowball fight, with Kanda
joining in once the three of them had teamed up against him, pelting him with
their white bullets. Many of the tiny, packed snowballs went wide, hitting
increasingly annoyed-looking people. A particularly bulky one turned to glare
at Allen, and suddenly, his insides turned to ice.

�� Crowned
Clown! Activate!� He shouted, already pulling at his left wrist to form
his broadsword. His Innocence was camouflaged in the snowing evening, but its
golden shine attracted the attention of the roughhousing Exorcists just a meter
or two away.

�� Extend!� Lavi
shouted, and the pole of his hammer slammed into the bulky man�s side.

�� Because
as soon as Allen had turned to attack the man, they�d all realized who he was.
The man who had killed who knew how many comrades, the man
who had killed Artemis. Chaz Gaffigan�Noah�s Strength.

�� He smiled widely
before swinging his arm heavily into Allen�s chest, sending him flying.
Throwing out a Clown Belt, Allen steadied himself on top of a street lamp and
looked down at the scene. A green-glowing discus flew from inside the frilly
shop, quickly followed by its owner, who was dressed in a bustier of all
things. Lenalee followed, wearing only a�Allen forced his eyes away, focusing
instead on the Noah who was quickly approaching.

�� Get away from my Allen!� Lenalee shouted, launching a
kick that knocked Strength�s aim off. He hit a pedestrian instead, splitting
the poor man�s skull in half as they toppled to the snow- and ice-covered
concrete.

�� Allen jumped down
from the lamppost, and the circle of Exorcists condensed. Allen noted a hint of
panic in the American Noah�s features, but he stood strong. Full strength, he told his Innocence,
and it flared a bright, bright gold. Lenalee nodded at him, and a moment later,
hers was shining just as magnificently.

�� Mugen,� Kanda
said from somewhere near Allen, �Hatsudou. Kaichuu: Ichigen!�

�� Several of Kanda�s
Hell�s Insects swarmed over, biting at the Noah as he attempted to avoid them.

�� Moyashi!� Kanda shouted, and
Allen got the message. Nodding gravely, he charged forward, sword held strongly
in his only hand, wrist level, just as Kanda had taught him. His arm strained
at the weight, and though his blade lightened in response, Allen still felt the
incredible force underneath all the bulk.

�� It missed the Noah
by centimeters. Allen cursed and scrambled to change directions, but Lenalee
was already running for another attack. Time rods came from nowhere, along with
Amanda�s discus, and Lenalee swooped into a back flip, kicking them forward,
forcing them to become faster. A moment later, she was back on her path,
following the others� attacks with a kick that would likely incapacitate the
Noah at the very least.

�� A fire seal rained
from the sky, and though the Noah dodged the time and the discus and even
Lenalee�he was quite limber for such a hulking individual�he could not avoid
Lavi�s attack. Screaming in sudden pain, the Noah retreated, grabbing a woman
and punching her through the chest. He ripped her heart out in a grotesque,
bloody geyser. Allen looked on in shock. Was he really that angry? Regardless,
the Noah got away before Allen and the others could pursue him. Lolek stood on
the pavement, looking confused at his sister�s killer�s bloody retreat. His
gauntlets were green with activation, but he stared on as if not knowing what
to do. He gazed down blankly at his gauntlets, and as Miranda approached him,
he finally looked up, a haunted expression marring his face.

�� She looped an arm
around his back, and he responded by placing one over her shoulder. Lolek then
surprised them all by pulling Miranda into an all-encompassing hug. She
stammered out apologies, but he only silenced her by burying her head in his
chest. He was shaking, and Allen quickly created a door.

�� Amanda,� he said,
�go pay for those and then come back with us.

�� Er, Allen,� Lenalee said shyly, tugging at his shirt. �Can
I go and change back?�

�� For the first
time, Allen got a good look at her. A blush rose immediately to his cheeks.
Lenalee had always shown her legs, despite society�s norms, but this was� well,
it was underwear, quite honestly. Allen had seen Lenalee in underwear, too�they
did room together, it was bound to
happen�but once again, it was nothing like this. This was lacy and frilly and� sexy.

�� Er�yeah�go ahead, Lenalee,� he
stammered. He heard Lavi snickering behind him, and once Lenalee was out of
sight, he flipped the annoying redhead off.

�� That wounds my
soul, Allen,� Lavi said, clutching his chest dramatically as he came into
sight, Kanda just behind him. The Hell�s Insects reformed into his blade before
he let it deactivate.

---

December 23, 2013�United Nations Building,
New York

�� Lolek stared down
at the letter with shaking hands. He�d received it the day before but hadn�t
been able to open it. Sighing, he made to flip it open, but he lost his nerve
again. He knew it shouldn�t affect him so much, especially with Lolle gone, but seeing his mother�s handwriting again after
so many years had shaken him.

�� He assumed she�d
found out from the documentary they�d filmed and previewed on CNN. Presumably,
it had been translated into the many languages of the Earth. Germany would have
played it, too, so it really shouldn�t have been so surprising to get this
letter. After all, they�d put his full name, and he�d mentioned Lolle�not by name, no, but he�d mentioned a sister all the
same. Just thinking about her still hurt, but the edge seemed to be gone. He no
longer felt like he was drifting. He had an anchor now, maybe. Still, there was
something about losing his twin that hurt him beyond repair. It had been a
year, and the bitter tears he�d shed for her would never wash away.

�� You should just
open it,� Miranda said, coming up beside him. Lolek wasn�t sure, but he thought
Miranda was looking a bit depressed as of late. He�d known for a long time that
there was some deep hurt that he could never touch. He also knew that she was
hiding something from him. But it didn�t matter, because she was there at his
side, and he could never dwell on it when she was there.

�� Very well, mein Liebchen,� he
said, smiling at her lightly and tearing through the sealed fold of the
envelope.

-

�� My Dearest Lolek and Lolle,

�� I�ve
only just discovered that you two were still alive. I know you have that fancy
Ark from the documentary they showed, and I�d be very happy if the two of you
would come to visit me. I�d love to see my babies at least once.

�� Love,

�� Mutti

-

�� He hadn�t even
realized the tears were falling before they were smearing the short note.
Miranda hugged him around the stomach, and he used her silent strength to
regain his composure. Wrapping his arms around her slim waist, he picked her up�he
was a good foot taller than her�and held her close. She took her arms from
their now pinned position, placing them lightly around his neck. She smiled
down at him.

�� I think you
should go visit,� she said quietly. Lolek nodded in resignation.

�� Only if you come
with me, Miranda,� he said, matching her volume.

�� Stepping out of
the Ark�s newest portal five minutes later, Lolek sighed.

�� Mutti?� Lolek called, walking into his
childhood home, Miranda on his arm. An older woman turned the corner and stared
almost wonderingly at the two of them. Her graying hair showed hints of once
being blonde, and her eyes still shone out the same blue as Lolek�s
own. He and Lolle had both looked so much like her
that they had often teased that their father was adopted. It was a stupid joke,
but it was theirs.

�� Lolek?�
She asked disbelievingly, her voice coming out breathless and shocked. She ran
forward, throwing her arms around him. Lolek began to choke.

�� Mutti, you�re choking me,� he gagged in
German, trying to push her away. She wouldn�t budge. Miranda stood off to the
side, somewhat ignored (though not by Lolek).

�� Oh, Lolek, look how much you�ve grown! You
must be over six feet, at least! Where�s Lolle? How
are you both doing?� His mother asked. Lolek froze at the last two
questions.

�� Mutti, she�s� Lolle,
she�s�� His voice wafted off into the air, and Lolek looked imploringly at
Miranda. She shook her head and gestured for him to continue. ��Dead,� he
finished.

�� His mother gasped.
�Lolek! Lolle� when?�
She asked, obviously trying not to burst into immediate tears. Miranda looked
away, and Lolek assumed it was because she felt she was prying. She cast her
gaze around, eventually coming to stare at the doodle of the sausage that Lolle had scribbled on the wall. With a twinge, Lolek
realized his mother had never had the heart to scrub it away. It had been
scrawled on the wall only two days before the Order had taken him and Lolle.

�� A bit over a year
ago,� Lolek replied in a hollow voice, trying to forget the sausage. In his
distraction, he didn�t realize he�d switched back to English. Miranda looked
back at him and came to his side, gently prying his mother�s restraining arm
from one side and attaching herself there instead. Shaking his mother off, he
pulled back a bit.

�� Oh, who is this?�
His mother asked, noticing Miranda for the first time. She spoke in English,
obviously assuming Miranda couldn�t understand.

�� This is Miranda
Lotto, my girlfriend,� he said, pulling Miranda just a little bit closer. They
both blushed a bit.

�� Oh, Lolek, she�s so beautiful! She�s
definitely a keeper!� His mother exclaimed, seeming glad for the
distraction.

�� I�m sorry, but I can understand you,�
Miranda said, raising a hand slightly.

�� Oh, she�s German,
too? Lolek, she�s perfect!� His mother continued. Lolek blushed, and his mother
had the grace to look slightly abashed.

�� I know she�s a
keeper, Mutti,�
he said quietly into his mother�s ear as he hugged her again.

�� Well, you must
stay for lunch,� she insisted, pulling them further into the house.

�� Miranda opened her
mouth, and Lolek pointed at it firmly. �No.�

�� But I�m��

�� Don�t say it,
Miranda.�

�� But��

�� Miranda!
You don�t need to.�

�� But I�m sorry!�
She finally cried. Lolek smiled down at her fondly, shaking his head and
placing a kiss on the crown of her head atop her beautiful, dark brown hair. He
leaned down, putting his mouth to her ear.

�� I loves you,� he whispered so his mother couldn�t hear.
Miranda blushed. Lolek did, too.

---

December 24, 2013�Allen�s Ark

�� It wasn�t a happy
day, as much as everyone wanted to pretend it was. The Ark was decked out with
stupid streamers, wreaths, and that goddamned mistletoe that Lavi kept wanting to kiss under. Yuu sighed and moved on,
stalking the more deserted alleyways of the outer city, not particularly
wanting company. He�d told Lavi that he was going to train, that he didn�t want
company, and that Lavi was, under no circumstance, to follow him. The redhead
had been less clingy over the past week or so, for which Yuu was thankful,
though he had to admit he missed it. Just a little bit, though. A very tiny, little bit.

�� It was very hard
to be around Lavi, though, because every time Lavi said those three annoying
words, Yuu couldn�t say them back, as much as he wanted to. And he did want to.
The chains in his mind just wouldn�t budge again, and he felt completely
useless fighting against them.

�� He came across a
little alcove with a deep-set windowsill. He meant to pass it, but then he saw
Miranda. They had become friends of sorts back when she�d been with�

�� Yuu didn�t want to
think about that, not until he�d found a good place to stew in his misery.

�� Oh, Kanda-kun, I
didn�t see you there, were you taking a walk around the Ark?� She asked, not
looking at him and playing with the simple gold band on her left middle finger.
Yuu wondered when she�d moved it there.

�� Didn�t really
want company,� he said in a low voice.

�� Me neither�that�s
why I�m hiding,� she responded, sounding as forlorn as he felt.

�� Can�t be around
your German?� He asked.

�� He�s Polish,� Miranda
said, smiling wryly at him. Yuu knew how much effort it took for her to even
try to crack a joke at this time. Perhaps she was getting better after all?

�� Well, I can�t be
around my mutt right now, so��

�� I thought you
called him your rabbit.�

�� Yuu thought about
it for a second. �That�s true. But he�s a racial mutt�well, today he is,
anyway.�

�� Miranda looked at
him questioningly. Yes, she had curiosity. She was definitely healing, although
she obviously wasn�t healed completely, or she wouldn�t be here moping�just
like him.

�� You are funny,
Kanda-kun. You always pretend not to care, but you do. I envy you sometimes.
You can express yourself so well, even though you try not to.�

�� Yuu snorted. �No,
I can�t.�

�� Of course you
can. You don�t apologize for every little thing, quite the contr��

�� Not in the way
that matters.�

�� Miranda�s face
softened. �Come sit next to me,� she said, gesturing for him to join her on the
sill. Uneasily, Yuu sat down. There wasn�t much room, so their shoulders ended
up touching. It was okay, though. Yuu could handle that much contact. After
Miranda had thrown herself on him, he felt he could survive anything from her.

�� They sat in
silence for a while, just looking into whatever room the window was connected
to. Eventually, Miranda cleared her throat. �I think he�ll understand,� she
said. �Mine� I don�t think I could even tell him.�

�� That makes two of
us,� Yuu said, snorting almost derisively, though he had meant it to be ironic.
Miranda placed a hand on his knee, which was bent toward the ceiling, as they
had such little room.

�� You still really
miss him, don�t you?� He added after a while. Miranda nodded, pain clouding her
eyes. It was raw, emotional pain, and though it usually made Yuu uncomfortable,
it was okay if it was Miranda. She had been like a sister to him, after all.
She still was.

�� He still
remembered the day Tiedoll had�but he didn�t want to think about that. Today
was a day about grieving the lost, not remembering petty little snippets of
half-forgotten scenes.

�� You do, too�both
of them,� Miranda stated. Yuu nodded as well, and they lapsed into silence once
more. Again, Miranda began playing with the band on her middle finger, twisting
at it and running it up and down her finger in a way Yuu had never seen before.

�� Yes,� he said. It
was the first time he�d ever admitted it, even though they�d died years ago.

�� He heard a
shifting of fabric from somewhere far away, and when he looked in his
peripheral vision, he saw Miranda�s German. He decided it was time to take his
leave. He�d need somewhere else to angst. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

�� You�re much more
sociable again�I�m glad you seem to be getting better. That�s how Marie would
have wanted it,� he said, walking off. He passed Lolek, giving him nothing more
than a cursory nod, and decided that it was rabbit hunting time. Perhaps he
needed someone to grieve with, too. And if Lavi got too annoying, Yuu would
throw him out the window with his new orange carpet.

---

December 24, 2013�Allen�s Ark

�� You still really
miss him, don�t you?� Kanda-kun asked her, his voice raw with an emotion
Miranda had never heard from him before. It was for this reason that she really
appreciated his relationship with Lavi. Never before had he been so� open, and
it was very good for him. She hoped he continued on this path. It would do him
well. Years ago, he never would have asked about her well-being.

�� You do, too�both
of them,� Miranda told him. She had seen his face when they�d found out, she�d
seen how it had shut down completely, all thoughts of a scowl lost in his
all-encompassing grief. Though Kanda-kun said he trusted no one, she knew deep
down that he was lying to himself. He had obviously trusted and possibly loved
his General and Noise very, very much.

�� She continued to
play with the simple golden band around her left middle finger. She hadn�t been
able to force herself to put it on her right, so she�d had it resized, just
slightly, in order to hold on to it. It was one of the many things of their
time together that she still couldn�t let go of.

�� Yes,� Kanda-kun
replied, his voice hoarse. She wondered if he was holding back the emotion that
really wanted to come out. It was alright to do that, though, since he�d gotten
so much better.

�� Suddenly, she felt
Kanda-kun shift, and he actually placed a hand on her shoulder. It was the
first contact between them that he�d ever initiated, though it wasn�t the first
one he�d allowed. Miranda�s heart stirred guiltily as she remembered how she�d
clung to the reluctant boy back when it had happened.

�� You�re much more
sociable again�I�m glad you seem to be getting better.� It was Kanda-kun�s
voice, and at first, Miranda couldn�t believe she was hearing his words
correctly. She wanted to apologize and ask him politely to say it again, but he
continued on. His words were no lies to her ears. �That�s how Marie would have
wanted it,� he concluded, and he walked off. Miranda followed him with her
eyes, stunned at his admission of compassion. Yes, his relationship with Lavi
was very good for him. Her eyes
widened a bit when she saw his company, though. Lolek, the man she�d been
avoiding, was there, and he was staring at her in disbelief, his sparkling blue
eyes shining with hurt.

�� He approached as
if shocked, as if he had seen something completely forbidden. �You�? And Kanda?� He asked, his voice
dry.

�� Miranda stared
blankly. What? She didn�t understand.
Should she ask him to say it again?

�� Miranda, you�re�
with Kanda?� He clarified, dumbfounded.

�� Miranda couldn�t
help it. She laughed. �That�s ridiculous, Lolek!� She chuckled, waving a hand
at him. As always, Lolek could make her laugh, even when she was at her most
miserable.

�� Then what were
you two doing out here, alone?� He demanded, now sounding quite angry.

�� Well, as you
said, everyone has a day that they deserve to be sad,� Miranda said, sobering.
As usual, Lolek had made her forget her sorrows, but today she didn�t want
that.

�� Her comment
stopped Lolek short, though, and he paused when he was only a meter from the
windowsill where Miranda sat. �Wha�Miranda, what are
you talking about?� He asked, moving forward again until he was towering over her.

�� Miranda didn�t
look at him. �We both have a reason to be sad today. We met by coincidence.
Kanda-kun� was just trying to cheer me up, in his own way. He�s like my
brother�or, well, my brother-in-law, though that never happened.� She grimaced
sadly, and a tear fell from her eye.

�� In-law?�
Lolek staggered back a step, but Miranda reached out, breaking her hunched-over
position, and pulled him back. She suddenly needed his presence very, very
much. �I don�t understand. Kanda doesn�t have any siblings, does he?�

�� Miranda chuckled
mirthlessly. �I was engaged to Noise Marie, who was like a brother to him. He,
along with General Tiedoll, were the two people he
trusted the most. When they both died�today is the anniversary�it was a big
blow for us both.�

�� En� engaged?�
Lolek stammered. He sat on the edge of the sill, looking somewhat blanched.

�� With slow
movements, Miranda twisted the ring until it slid off her finger. Without a
noise, she placed it in front of her on the windowsill, offering it to him with
a silent promise: I no longer dwell on it.

�� Lolek looked down
at the ring and then back up to her, eyebrows knitted and eyes terribly
confused. �I don�t��

�� Noise and I had a
good time. I really loved him. But he�s not here anymore, and you are, and I loves you now,� Miranda said, looking
straight into Lolek�s blue eyes.

�� He breathed an
almost invisible sigh that Miranda almost missed. �Will you tell me about it?�
He asked cautiously, and Miranda nodded.

---

�� The first time they�d kissed had been a
miracle unto itself. Noise was a shy man, a man of few words, and Miranda was
far too timid to take matters into her own hands. But it had happened, and that
was all that had mattered. It didn�t take them long to start sneaking out of
the Order at night for secret dates. Akuma never attacked them�they wore street
clothes. On the occasion that they would be attacked, they both had their
Innocence at the ready. It wasn�t a shock when they both fell in love. They
were a perfect team, flawless and determined. They brought each other out of
their shells, and Miranda herself gained confidence. People had called them the
perfect couple, had smiled down at them with knowing expressions.

�� Noise
led her down the corridor and up to the secret room they had found. They
entered quietly and closed the door behind them. Miranda gasped as she viewed
the room. The interior was decorated with a spread of candles and a small
table, lit similarly. It was far different from the blank room they used every
other night, despite the simplicity of its d�cor. It felt warmer, more
inviting, and almost heart-breakingly romantic.

�� They
ate a quiet dinner. They were both quiet individuals naturally, so this wasn�t
uncommon. Still, Miranda felt that they ate in a very comfortable silence, just
as was usual.

�� At
the end of the dinner, Noise seemed to get nervous, but as Miranda got up, he
seemed to steel his nerve. He reached out for her hand with the one that was
missing two fingers. He looked�or rather faced, as he couldn�t actually see�at
her and gently swept a piece of hair away from her face. And then he got down
on one knee, and Miranda knew what was coming next. Her heart swelled with joy.

�� M-Miranda,
will you� after this all over� come with me and maybe� marry me?�

�� I
will definitely��

�� Che. Tiedoll�s going to have a field day,� said a
sarcastic voice from the door. Looking over, horrified, Miranda saw Kanda-kun
standing in the open doorframe, a mat beneath one arm and a hateful look on his
face.

�� I�m
sorry!!� Miranda said, pulling her hand from Noise�s
in order to bow low to the young man who�d just entered. She felt strong arms
pull her back into an equally strong chest.

�� Don�t
apologize to that immature brat, Miranda. I can tell he�s really happy.�

�� Che. I�m just a bit surprised.�

�� Everyone
in the Order knows about��

�� I�m
not an idiot, Marie, I know that. I�m just surprised to see you in the room I
use to meditate. Get out. Go tell Tiedoll or something, just leave,� Kanda-kun
ordered.

�� I
didn�t even get her answer�which is your fault,� Marie grunted, sounding
annoyed.

�� Yes,
you did, or are you deaf, too?� Kanda-kun countered. Miranda looked back and
forth between the fighting pair. They were acting just like brothers. It was
cute, almost. Miranda hadn�t realized this relationship before.

�� Well,
I�m apparently going to have Kanda-kun as my brother-in-law, then,� Miranda
chirped, trying to smile despite Kanda-kun�s terrifying glare.

�� Noise�s
smile was worth every word.

---

�� But we didn�t
stay happy. I mean, we did, but then he died. On December twenty-fourth, in �87,
they died. It may be ancient history to you, but to me, this is the third year
since then. After you love someone that much, it tears you apart when they die.
You know, Kanda-kun let me cry on him that day?�

�� Lolek made an
interested noise. He hadn�t thought that Kanda actually had a good side in him
for anyone besides Lavi. Even if he�d just thought that Kanda
and Miranda had been having an affair. It sounded ridiculous, looking at
it now, but he�d never seen Kanda be kind to Miranda before�not like that�so
he�d jumped to a stupid conclusion.

�� Well, actually,
it was a week later. Before that, it just hadn�t hit. Even at the funeral, it
hadn�t�I just didn�t really comprehend that he was gone until� until New Years,
when I realized we wouldn�t be� together anymore,� Miranda confessed. Lolek
pulled her closer as tears started forming and falling in rapid succession. She
cried into his chest for a long time.

�� I feel the same
way,� Lolek admitted. �About Lolle, I mean. I still
feel like she�ll just walk around the corner, smiling in that way she always
did, and say, �hey, Lolek, you sausage!��

�� Miranda choked out
a guffaw. �Sau�sausage?� She
asked, horrified.

�� Lolek chuckled a bit himself. �Yeah, it�s �cause
one time, when we were kids, I ate thirty sausages in one sitting. She joked
that I�d turn into one if I kept eating them. Then the entire family started
calling me that.�

�� So that explains
the doodle of the sausage on the wall�� Miranda wondered aloud.

�� Yeah,� Lolek
said, grinning sadly. �Lolle drew it a couple days
before we were taken by��

�� And then the levee
broke, and her death hit Lolek with the force of a tsunami. But Miranda was
there, and he used her as his anchor, his lighthouse, until the worst of the
storm had passed over.

---

�� A knock echoed
into the room, raising Lavi from a dazed sleep. He blinked a couple times,
trying to jostle the haze of dreams away. Sitting up slowly, he squinted at the
door. It was still strange for Lavi to awaken to a perpetually sunny and warm
room, even in the depths of winter.

�� Lavi,
Kanda-kun!� Lenalee called, knocking again.

�� Comin�,� Lavi groaned, pulling back the sheets and putting
on the nearest pair of pants that he was sure belonged to him�he�d once
accidentally thrown Yuu�s on, and that had not been pleasant. For either of them. Opening the door, he saw the Chinese
girl�s smiling face. She was carrying a large pile of laundry that was dwarfing
her slim form.

�� Oh,
hey, Lavi!� She said cheerfully. �I have Kanda-kun�s laundry here. I�m
doing your load next, so if you just wait an hour or two, I�ll have yours, too.
Would you mind putting those away for me, though?�

�� Lavi nodded.
Lenalee and a couple of the soldiers had taken over the laundry after the loss
of the cleaning staff, most of whom hadn�t joined them on the Ark. They were
very efficient, and they got it done in a timely fashion, something Lavi wasn�t
used to. It was definitely better than having to do them himself.

�� Grabbing the
clothes from Lenalee, he threw them on the bed and began to sort them out. He
didn�t know which drawers held which of Yuu�s clothes. Actually, that was a
lie. He grabbed all of Yuu�s tight, clean-smelling shirts and refolded them
before placing them in the top drawer. In the second drawer, he added a fair
amount of pants. The underwear he left alone, simply because Yuu would kill
him, lover or not, for touching them. He had some socks left over, though. Now
that he thought about it, he didn�t know where Yuu got his socks from, which
was surprising in itself. He opened the bottom drawer just to see. But they
weren�t there.

�� There was nothing
in the bottom drawer.

�� Except
the Lotus Flower. Lavi looked at it without meaning to. Yuu had put it
away, claiming it ruined the atmosphere of the room and that he didn�t want to
be reminded of his mortality. But something about its appearance was off.
Inspecting it more closely, he saw immediately what the problem was. Three and
a half almost-pink petals drooped a little on the stem of the withering Lotus Flower.
But that was wrong. Looking it over again, Lavi recounted. But the result was
the same. Yuu had told him there were four left.

�� Closing the drawer
and sitting on the bed, Lavi thought. This meant that Yuu was either unaware of
this change or that he was lying to Lavi. Judging by how more scars still
hadn�t appeared since the head injury, Lavi felt inclined to choose the latter,
though he really didn�t want to. The idea of Yuu lying to him was so
ridiculous, so outrageous that it couldn�t possibly be true. Could it?

�� Yuu walked in,
scowling and looking particularly surly. It could. He sat down on the bed next
to Lavi and collapsed onto him, resting a tired head on Lavi�s shoulder. Lavi
stiffened. He hadn�t thought through it all yet. He didn�t want to make false
allegations. On the other hand, though, if he was right�

�� But the fact
remained that he didn�t want to be right.
If Yuu was lying about this, it was very likely that he was hiding something
else, too. Lavi was scared. For the first time in a very long time, Lavi felt
fear, and it was the worst kind of dread, wondering if his lover was being
honest or not. He didn�t mention it, though. He simply held Yuu until the man
stood up and muttered something about wanting to get dinner.

�� Lavi didn�t notice
Yuu�s strange look at him as he got up. He was too worried about the
implications of what he had seen. He could barely concentrate on the present at
all, let alone stay as observant as he usually was. He stumbled once on the way
to the cafeteria, eliciting a look that he saw this time. He smiled at Yuu,
though he knew it didn�t reach his eyes. He was still thinking.

�� They ate in
silence, something unusual for them, but Yuu didn�t seem particularly talkative
either, so Lavi didn�t think it was that much of a problem. As they were
walking back, though, Lavi�s thoughts lined up, and he suddenly needed to
express himself.

�� Yuu, you don�t
lie to me, right?� He asked, and Yuu tensed, his gait pausing for just a
moment.

�� No, Lavi. The only
times I lie are when I�m trying to hide my emotions. You know that,� Yuu said
dismissively, but Lavi still had that nagging feeling.

�� Then why are
there only three and a half petals on the Lotus Flower?� Lavi countered. Yuu
froze completely this time and wheeled around to stare at Lavi, anger masking
his usual expression.

�� You looked in my
drawer?� He hissed in silent fury. Lavi flinched but didn�t back down. Yuu had
given the wrong response. His eyes hadn�t widened in panic, his expression
hadn�t become intensely worried, he hadn�t run
straight for the room, just to check. Instead, he was angry that Lavi had looked in his drawer, of all things.

�� Well, I was
putting away your laundry,� Lavi said, not mentioning his conclusion. Yuu
seemed to note, a second too late, that he should have reacted differently. His
face turned to an obviously acted shock. His eyes widened, but his pupils
didn�t dilate. He ran to the room, but it was too slow to be reality. Lavi
jogged after him. He could only think one thing: why?

�� He entered the
room, where Yuu was sitting on the ground, drawer open, hourglass
in hand. He stared at it angrily, another bad sign. He should have been
absolutely panicked.

�� Why did you lie, Yuu?� Lavi asked softly. Yuu balked but didn�t look up at
him.

�� I didn�t,� he
whispered unconvincingly. Lavi was starting to get angry.

�� Yuu,� Lavi said,
and that was all that was needed. The Japanese man put the Lotus back in and
kicked the drawer shut. He stood up and stared Lavi down.

�� Because
I don�t want you worrying!� He shouted. He sounded� desperate? Lavi
blinked. He hadn�t been expecting that answer.

�� You should just
tell me the truth!� Lavi insisted, his own voice raising
a bit despite his surprise. Yuu shook his head, a gesture that threw Lavi off
balance again.

�� I don�t want you
to know that I�m going to die!� He half screamed. In his voice was a pain so
raw, so uncensored, that Lavi actually took a step back.

�� You think you�re
going to die?� He whispered to himself, shocked. He looked down at the floor,
staring at his feet, and then gazed back at Yuu. �You promised you would tell
me. Yuu, what else have you been lying to me about?�

�� Nothing!�
The other man insisted, but his word was empty. He was lying.

�� Well, it�s
obvious you didn�t train today like you told me you were. Where did you go?�
Lavi asked. It wasn�t that he thought Yuu was cheating or anything�that was
impossible, he wasn�t that kind of man�but the fact that Yuu was hiding things
from him when he�d been a complete open book was distressing to him. More than distressing. It was painful.

�� A walk,� Yuu
responded curtly, looking away. Lavi leaned forward and grabbed his wrist,
probably a bit too tightly, judging by the way the other man flinched�flinched�back. His eyes were panicked
for a second, and Lavi knew he�d unwittingly reminded Yuu of his father. Again.

�� A
walk? That�s all? Just fucking tell me, Yuu! I
just want to know!� Lavi was yelling before he even realized it.

�� I don�t have to
tell you everything. Can�t I have a moment alone?� It was a fair enough
request, if Lavi thought about it, but he was beyond logic and reason right
now. It felt like a rebuke, it stung like one.

�� I�m just
worried��

�� See, that�s what
I didn�t want!� Yuu was starting to breathe heavily, and like Lavi had just
done, he had his hands fisted at his sides.

�� So you lied?� Lavi screamed.

�� Yes!� Yuu
admitted in a screech. Lavi stepped back again, shocked that Yuu had admitted
it. He looked down at the ground and continued, much quieter and in an almost
broken voice, �I don�t want� you to be� worried about me. I�m not� worth it.�

�� The fuck you
aren�t,� Lavi dismissed. �What else have you been lying about, Yuu? Is that why
you won�t tell me you love me?�

�� Yuu froze
completely for nearly a minute. He began to shake, and when he finally looked
up, his glare was simultaneously lava hot and icy cold. �Leave the room. Now. Before I do something I�ll regret.�

�� With pleasure,�
Lavi snarled, turning on his heel and storming out of the room.

---

�� It took him all of
five minutes to regret how he�d left, but he just couldn�t bring himself to go
back. He was so angry, and he couldn�t go to Lenalee. She would be the one Yuu
went to, and angry as Lavi was, he didn�t want to take away the Japanese man�s
one alternative outlet, should he be strong enough to take it.

�� He walked to
Amanda�s room. She would understand. She acted, she made faux smiles, she knew what it
was like to be empty. She also knew what it was like to be in love. He didn�t
know when it had happened, but Lavi had extended a hand of friendship to her, and instead of shaking it, she�d winked and hugged him
instead. Metaphorically speaking, obviously. He
knocked on her door, and when she answered, he must have looked awful, because
she turned to face the inside of the room and yelled, �Darcy, out!�

�� Darcy appeared a
moment later in a garish pink bathrobe that was several sizes too small for
him. He shuffled out of the room, looking depressed, but when he saw Lavi, he,
too, sobered. He sighed and, shaking his head, walked off, probably to hide in
his own room.

�� Lavi, what
happened?� Amanda asked, concerned, as he walked in.

�� Yuu lied,� he
whispered in a haunted voice. He hadn�t meant it to come out that way.

�� Wait�what?� She
sounded confused.

�� He�
about the Lotus, he lied. Amanda, he only has three and a half petals
left! He�s going to die!� Abruptly, tears leaked from his eyes, and he batted
at them, annoyed at their presence.

�� She hugged him,
pulling him into her chest. Which was awkward. Not that Lavi didn�t appreciate a nice chest on a woman, but
he just didn�t want to inhale it. He did prefer guys, after all. �I�m guessing
you had a fight,� she said in a soothing voice. Lavi nodded into her cleavage.
�You wanna stay in here for a while?� She offered him. Lavi nodded again.

�� It was nice, he
decided, having his face pillowed on Amanda�s chest, having her there to listen
as she slowly threaded her hands through his hair. It reminded him vaguely of
something a mother might do, listening to a troubled child. His hadn�t done
this, though. Still, it was a very nice feeling.

�� Amanda?�
Miranda�s voice called in. Lavi stirred against Amanda.

�� Come on in!�
Amanda shouted back.

�� Oh, what�s Lavi
doing here?� Miranda�s voice said. Lavi couldn�t see her, but from the way she
moved and the way her voice sounded like cranberries identified her for him.

�� He and Kanda had
a fight,� Amanda explained, and her chest vibrated with her speech against
Lavi�s ear.

�� You guys had a
fight today? Was it about Tiedoll and
Noise?�

�� Lavi looked up at
her for the first time. �What do they have to do with anything?� He asked
blankly, eyebrows lowered questioningly.

�� Oh�you weren�t there,�
Miranda said, epiphany lighting her face. �Today�s the anniversary of their
deaths.�

�� Lavi felt like
he�d had his heart ripped out by Tyki. �That�s why Yuu went for a walk,� he
whispered, horrified. �He wouldn�t be able to meditate if his mind is too
active, he wouldn�t want to train or be around anyone� goddamn it! I�m a fucking asshole!� He pushed himself lightly away
from Amanda and sped out of the room, each step violently jostling his aching
chest.

�� When he got back
to the room, though, Yuu wasn�t there.

---

�� There was only one
fact that mattered to him: Lavi hated him. He�d left the room with a snarl in
his voice and violence in his steps. Lavi didn�t like being lied to. He�d spent
his entire life lying. Yuu thought Lavi was just tired of all the dishonesty.
He never should have lied. But how else could he protect Lavi from the aching
worry that would invariably set into his very bones if he knew that Yuu
wouldn�t survive the war. Even if he did, three and a half
petals�or less, as they still didn�t know when they�d find the Earl, if they
ever would�wouldn�t be enough to allow him a long life. There was also
the added worry of how quickly it was wilting now. Never before had petals
wilted in half before they left the flower, but now they did. Never before had
it drooped so low, looked so sickly, but now it did. Was the spell weakening?
Was he weakening?

�� He didn�t even
bother knocking on Lenalee�s door. He couldn�t possibly be interrupting
something since Moyashi was such a
coward. He was right. The Chinese girl he was seeking was sitting on the bed
next to Moyashi, who had his arm
around her. They were talking quietly to each other, probably about something
ordinary and insignificant, like Moyashi
being hungry. He ignored them and sat against the footboard of the bed. The
floor was cold. He didn�t like cold floors. He began to shake.

�� Allen.� Lenalee�s
voice was very far away. Yuu missed the rest of what she said; the sounds came
out as garbled mistranslations.

�� Yuu was probably
imagining it, but there were footsteps a moment later.

�� Kanda-kun,� a
voice said next to him. It was Lenalee, right? He�d come to see Lenalee, after
all. �Kanda-kun, will you tell me what�s wrong?�

�� Yuu couldn�t.
Everything was wrong, it would take too long to
explain. He felt a hand fall lightly onto his arm, a feathery, almost
spidery-light touch. He didn�t want to ignore it, so slowly, slowly,
he looked over and saw Lenalee sitting on the cold floor next to him.

�� He�s going to
leave me,� he breathed. The one thought he�d been trying to hide. He loved
Lavi, honestly, desperately, too much, and Lavi was going to leave him because
he couldn�t say it, because he had lied.
His mother had always told him that lying was bad.

�� Kanda-kun, what
are you talking about?� Lenalee asked, scooting over so that she was just a
little bit closer. Yuu shuddered away, but he didn�t want to. He actually
wanted to move closer. Why couldn�t
he ever follow his true emotions? Lavi was leaving him because of it! �Lavi
would never leave you. He�s� you guys� with the� you guys are a really good
couple. Whatever you think you did, Lavi won�t leave you for it. I think that
even if you killed everyone important to him�besides yourself�he�d still be
with you.�

�� Those were the
words he needed to hear, but they were also the words that he couldn�t stand to
hear, because they simply couldn�t be true.
Just like the lie he�d told.

�� But I lied,� he
breathed. Lenalee moved her hand to his shoulder, scooting closer again.

�� Then apologize,�
she said. Yuu was grateful she hadn�t pried anymore. It would have hurt too
much to explain.

�� But he�ll leave
me,� he insisted, still in that quiet, breathy voice that was just below a
whisper.

�� He won�t. Kanda-kun�Yuu-kun�he
won�t leave you. Ever. It�s like me and Allen. Allen
would never desert me. Lavi won�t desert you, either.�

�� Yuu shifted. He�d never before heard Lenalee call him by his first name.
The thing that struck him the most was that he didn�t mind. Normally, he hated
it when people called him Yuu, simply because they didn�t know him. Lenalee did
know him, though, so it didn�t really surprise him that much. He turned to face
her, and this time, he could nudge himself forward a little. Lenalee extended
her arm so that it was resting on his opposite shoulder, and Yuu leaned down until
the crown of his head was nestled against her neck.

�� I�m� scared,� he
admitted, so quietly he thought Lenalee wouldn�t hear at all. She did, though.

�� I know, but
sometimes things in life are scary. Don�t worry, though, because things will
definitely be alright,� she said soothingly, squeezing his shoulder just a
little bit and pulling him closer. She was speaking as a mother to her child. Yuu
missed that tone, �Yuu-kun, you�ve become so strong. I remember when you first
came to the Order. Your eyes were so flat. They frightened me. I couldn�t
understand what you went through, and I still can�t, but I know what pain is
like. The light in your eyes is finally beginning to show, and it�s all because
of Lavi. Go back to your room and apologize. I�m sure he�ll understand. By
tomorrow morning, you�ll be chasing him around while he�s got that wide grin
on, and he�ll taunt you, and you�ll call him �Baka Usagi,� just like you always do. It�s going to be okay. You
love him, don�t you?�

�� Yuu hesitated and
then nodded infinitesimally.

�� Will you tell
him, one day?� Lenalee asked. Yuu was struck at how everyone but the stupid
rabbit realized he couldn�t say it. ��Love is blind,� that�s what everyone
says. Perhaps Lavi can�t see that you love him, but if someone pointed it out
to him�and that someone doesn�t have to be you�he could probably see it. Just be patient. He really can be an idiot sometimes.�

�� She smiled, and
Yuu found the strength to stand up, pulling Lenalee with him. Without realizing
he was doing it, without meaning to, he hugged her tightly, pulling her head to
lay on his chest.

�� Kanda� Yuu-kun?� She asked.

�� Thank� you,� he
whispered into her hair before letting her go and leaving the room. He thought
that maybe she stared after him owlishly, but he didn�t look back to check.
Lenalee was right, Lavi would see it eventually, even if he couldn�t tell him,
Lavi would forgive him if he apologized. There had never been a time when he
hadn�t. Then again, there�d never been a time when he�d actually apologized.
Perhaps that in itself was the problem.

�� When he got back
to the room, the door was closed, but he heard loud breathing inside. It didn�t
sound angry, though, so he knocked softly on the door. He never knocked on
doors. Belatedly, he realized he should announce himself.

�� Lavi, it�s me,
please let me in. I�m sorry, please� let me in.� When had he started using
polite words like �please?� When had he started begging? But that wasn�t
begging. No, this time it was. And he didn�t mind. He leaned against the door,
putting his palms to it and then his head. He wanted to hear Lavi better.

�� There was no
response. Lavi was still mad at him, then. �Let me in, it�s my fault.� He was
surprised it didn�t hurt his pride to apologize. He heard footsteps, and then
the door swung in, and he was on the floor. Lavi knelt down in front of him,
having not fallen to the floor with Yuu, and simply looked at him.

�� How can you say
it�s your fault? I�m such an asshole, Yuu�I�m so sorry. I didn�t�it�s part of the time I don�t remember, and you�ve never
acted this way on the twenty-fourth before, so I was confused.� Blinking, Yuu
realized Lavi was talking about Tiedoll and Noise.

�� Che,� he said, surprised he could still
make the noise but holding onto it like a lifeline. �There was never any time
to.�

�� Yuu, please�
let�s just forget this ever happened. It�s not that important��

�� You don�t trust
me anymore.� It was a statement, and from the look on Lavi�s face when Yuu
looked up, it was true.

�� No, I��

�� Don�t you lie, too. Lavi, I�m sorry, this entire thing is my fault. Will
you� forgive me?� He implored, staring deeply into the redhead�s too-green eye
with desperation. Lavi looked taken aback.

�� Yuu� I just� let
me know, okay? You aren�t lying about anything else, right? I�ll believe you if
you answer me,� Lavi said, though Yuu didn�t have much faith in that statement.

�� I don�t lie to
you, I�ve told you before. The only thing I�ve ever lied about to you was the
Lotus Flower. I didn�t� want you to know. It would break you to know,� Yuu
answered slowly, softly.

�� Lavi nodded. �The
other thing I want to know is� are you not saying you love me because you
don�t?� There was so much vulnerability in his face, voice, and eye that Yuu
almost couldn�t be angry. Almost.

�� That�s not it,�
he muttered, looking away. �I� can�t.�

�� What do you mean,
�you can�t?�� Lavi asked in a curious voice. His tone was in no way accusing.

�� I just� I can�t. The words, they won�t come out,�
Yuu tried to explain.

�� I don�t
understand,� Lavi said, lowering an eyebrow in utter confusion.

�� They�re stuck in
my head.�

�� Why, though?�
Lavi asked.

�� Yuu forced himself
to say it. Lavi would understand, right? �If I say it, I�ll betray you.�

�� Lavi blinked. �I
don�t follow.�

�� If I say it and I
die, that would be betraying you. I don�t want� to do that. I� my entire life is filled with betrayals. I don�t want to make another one.�

�� Are you referring
to�� Lavi began, but Yuu wasn�t finished yet.

�� When my father
told me that, he betrayed it by raping, beating, and torturing me. When he told
my mother that, he betrayed her by
raping, beating, and torturing us both. He betrayed us every time he hurt us.
If I say that and hurt you, I�m the same as him,� he explained, not looking at
Lavi at all.

�� A punch hit him
hard in the jaw, and he looked back, horrified. Lavi�s expression was utterly
livid. �That�s it!? You think you�re like him? You�re comparing yourself to him? I�m tired of the comparisons, Yuu!
I�m tired of walking around on eggshells, unsure if I�m going to hurt you with
my words or actions! Every time I make you remember something like that, thus
hurting you, are you comparing me to
him? Is that what it is, Yuu?�

�� Suddenly, the
physical blow didn�t feel so bad. It felt like he�d just been punched in the
heart. �No,� he choked out, horrified. How could Lavi think that? �I�ve
never�you�re nothing like�like him.�

�� How, Yuu, if I�m
hurting you, too?� Lavi shouted.

�� Because
you�re not! You� it�s okay
when I�m with you, I can feel those
things! I�m allowed to scream and
touch and feel good! You�ve never been like him! Ever! You can�t betray me like that! It�s
impossible!�

�� Then how would
you be betraying me, Yuu? You�re saying that I can�t hurt you like that, like
he did, so I can�t betray you. But you know that there would never be a case or
scenario where you would torture or abuse me, and I would never call our physical relationship rape,� Lavi insisted. But somehow, it wasn�t the same. Yuu said as
much.

�� How?
How is it not the same?� Lavi
questioned, his voice echoing too loudly throughout the room. It assaulted
Yuu�s ears and made him flinch. Lavi took it the wrong way. �I can�t hurt you,
but you can hurt me? It doesn�t work that way!�

�� It�s not the same
because I� it�s not physical, it�s emotional.
I can break you emotionally! Fuck,
Lavi, you don�t even know how screwed up you are!?�

�� I fucking know I�m
screwed up! No one�s ever loved me! Not my parents, not Bookman, not you. Can you understand what that does
to someone?�

�� You talk like I
don�t know what it�s like not to be loved. My father��

�� And there we are,
back to him! I know he�s on your thoughts a lot, but you had a fucking mother, Yuu! She loved you and took care of
you when you were hurt! I never
had that! The closest thing I had was Bookman asking me if I thought I would
live after I got shot and the shrapnel hit my eye! And Yuu, you�re screwed up,
too, so don�t just leave me alone in that category!�

�� I wasn�t going
to! But I� I� lo�argh!�
Yuu fisted his hands in his hair, not entirely sure if he was trying to rip it
out or not.

�� What,
Yuu, you what?� Lavi insisted,
coming too close, placing cold hands too tightly on his wrists. The subject of
his father was too close at hand, and Yuu flinched back unintentionally.

�� I�m trying to say
that I�I� I�� He stared straight into Lavi�s green eye. He could force it out,
he could bypass the chains that were staying so strong and heavy over his
feelings as the fight went on. But he couldn�t. His eyes teared
up slightly, though he didn�t really care. He wanted�no,
he needed�to tell Lavi. He needed to
tell Lavi that he loved him.

�� Lavi sighed
several times in frustration, cutting Yuu off. �You know what,� Lavi exclaimed
angrily, throwing his hands up as if in defeat, �I can�t take this anymore!�

�� He left the room,
storming out just like before, but this time, he slammed the door behind him,
putting a lid on Yuu�s hopes as he did so.

�� Lavi had left him.
This time it was real. Lavi was gone. Forever.

---

�� The redhead was
bawling by the time he�d gotten to Amanda�s room. He loved Yuu, but he was so confused. What the Japanese man was
saying hadn�t made any sense at all. It had sounded like he�d been trying to
say the words at the end of the argument, but Lavi just wasn�t sure anymore.
Everything was so confusing, and he didn�t understand it at all. Yuu couldn�t say it? They were only three,
tiny words! Lavi said them all the time. Sure, he imagined the memory of Yuu�s
father still haunted him�Yuu still woke up screaming at least once a week�but
the thought of betrayal was just so outrageous, so ridiculous, that he couldn�t
wrap his mind around it. How could Yuu ever
betray him? It was an impossibility. Like dividing by zero.

�� Once again, he
knocked on Amanda�s door. She answered, looking annoyed. �What are you doing
back here?� She asked, sounding testy. Lavi wondered vaguely if she was on her
period, but as he peered in, he figured that couldn�t be the case, since Darcy
was putting on the bathrobe again. And he was very naked under it. Lavi
couldn�t force himself to be scarred, though, because he was too confused.
Nothing made sense. He needed someone to explain it to him. Amanda would
understand; she would tell him.

�� Yuu� I�m�
confused� Amanda, help me!� He threw himself in her arms. She froze in seeming
shock but put her arms around him, backing up and leading him into the room.

�� Darcy, I�m sorry,
hon, but can you get out again? I promise we�ll�
well, yeah.� Lavi felt her gesture to him, probably with a helpless expression,
and Darcy got the message.

�� Fine.
Just� I�m gonna stay
outside, so call me in when you�re done, okay?� He asked.

�� When the door was
closed, Lavi put his head on Amanda�s shoulder and continued crying, harder
than before. He sobbed so hard his body shook and shuddered in what would have
been a wanton way had this been any other situation. Or with
anyone else. Preferably Yuu.

�� But that thought
hurt him and brought back the confusion, so he sobbed harder, pushing it away
into the Bookman side of his mind. Maybe he would analyze it subconsciously
there, but it wasn�t looking likely.

�� Finally, Amanda
pushed him back, glaring. �Lavi, whatever the fuck happened, I don�t care. Just
tell me why the fuck you�re crying like a little girl.�

�� The tears that she
had startled away�that had probably been her aim�leaked down his cheeks again,
though they were no longer forceful in their expulsion from his body. He leaned
back down on her, explaining, �I�m so confused,� he said. �Yuu is� he won�t say
it. I was okay waiting, but he says he can�t,
and I�m so confused because I don�t think he could ever betray me.�

�� Amanda pushed him
back again, staring at him in acute bewilderment. �I have no idea what the fuck
you�re talking about, Lavi. Could you try being a bit more specific?�

�� Slowly, Lavi
recounted the whole situation to Amanda, repeating the fight word-for-word.
When he got to the very end, when Yuu had been trying to say something, Amanda
cut him off. �Lavi,� she said, slapping him across the cheek. �You. Are. The world�s.
Biggest. Idiot!� She exclaimed, slapping him again between each
break. Lavi�s head went back and forth, still swimming with questions. His
cheeks hurt.

�� Huh?� He asked
eloquently, not having the thought process for any larger, more explicit words.

�� He was trying to
tell you, you dolt! And it doesn�t matter anyway, because he tells you every
time he looks at you, if you�d only look!� She slapped him again, this time
lighter than the others. Lavi�s head still went flying, regardless.

�� Huh?� Lavi
repeated.

�� Lavi, did it ever
occur to you that he can�t say it?�
Amanda screamed, raising her hand back as if for another strike, although she
mercifully left it in the air. �You know he can�t express things. I don�t know
what the fuck happened to him before the Order, but those scars are gnarly.
They� well, honestly, wouldn�t you have trouble getting over that? He screamed in his sleep while
we were at the White House, and the Japanese Prime Minister translated for us.
Whatever the fuck his father did to him, abuse like that takes time to get over, not just a few years.
He�ll be living like that for the rest of his life. Sure, he�s better than he
was before�anyone with eyes can see that�and that�s because you�re there with
him. Love heals, Lavi, and he�d have to be pretty whipped to heal that much.
You were out of line with those comments. I understand you were angry, but�
that�s just too far, Lavi. You should go back and apologize. Profusely.�

�� Darcy ran into the
room at the end of Amanda�s tirade. He looked alarmed. �Amanda, Lenalee was
just here. She went into the room to check on Kanda because she�d heard
screaming, and he hadn�t come out. He�s� nonresponsive. Allen�s been baiting him,
but he�s still not reacting at all. Lenalee�s convinced that Lavi left him or
something, since he mentioned to her before that he was scared he would.�

�� Lavi�s head perked
up. Leave him? Why would he ever�?

�� Another slap bruised
his cheek. �What did you say to him?� Amanda yelled. �You must be leaving
something out! What did you say?�

�� Lavi blinked. �I
was so confused that I couldn�t stand it, so I said I couldn�t stand it
anymore.�

�� Amanda froze, her hand in midair again. �What did you say?� She
asked urgently, angrily. �Lavi, what did
you say?� She grabbed his face between her hands, staring him deeply in the
eye.

�� I said, �I can�t
take it anymore.� What does that have to��

�� Amanda didn�t slap
him this time. She just looked at him with a cold fury that made Lavi much more
nervous. �How exactly did you say it? Repeat it to me. Right. Now.�

�� I can�t take it anymore.� Why is that�oh, shit.�

�� No wonder he
thinks you left him! You said you slammed the door, too? Holy shit! Holy
fucking barrel of monkeys rolling down a hill! Get your ass back there! You
probably killed him!� She made to punch him, but Lavi was already gone,
sprinting through the alleyways like a lunatic.

�� Maybe he was
raving, maybe he was insane, but right now, none of that mattered. Right now,
he needed to get to Yuu.

---

�� Yuu was sitting
against the side of the bed, one leg outstretched and the other bent up to the
ceiling. He had an arm over his eyes, and his head was back against the
mattress. He was sitting absolutely still; even his breathing was shallow,
nearly unmoving. Carefully, Lavi walked through the room, sitting down in front
of his lover.

�� Damn, Yuu, I�m so
sorry, please wake up,� he pleaded quietly, raising the arm from the man�s
face. He gasped in surprise when he saw a silent tear cascade down Yuu�s
equally silent cheek. Lavi reached forward and tenderly wiped it away. He
leaned down and placed a kiss on the eye that had wept.

�� Please wake up
for me. I�m not leaving you. I love you,� Lavi pleaded, not caring how
desperate his voice sounded. He stood up and heaved the other man�s dead weight
onto the bed, laying him straight out. Yuu didn�t move, didn�t make that characteristic
curling-up motion and turn to face away from him, showing him the most explicit
form of trust. Yuu did not move, he simply stared, unseeing, at the ceiling. He
gave no indication that he�d been moved at all. It was like they were back to
August again, and Yuu was lying despondent after he�d thought Lavi to be dead.

�� But perhaps, Lavi
thought, it was worse this time, because he�d thought Lavi had left him. Lavi himself knew that it
would be infinitely more painful to know that Yuu didn�t want to be with him
than to have him dead. At least, if Yuu was dead, he would be sure of the other
man�s affections.

�� What have I done?
Yuu, please wake up! I�m serious, I don�t want you to
die! If you give up, I�ll fucking kill you. Please, please wake up!� Lavi pleaded, not surprised to find tears blurring
his vision and choking his words. He tried everything. He punched Yuu, slapped
him, kissed him, hugged him, but nothing worked. Nothing at
all.

�� He lay down next
to Yuu, pulling the other man�s very still form�which was thankfully still
breathing�into his arms. He didn�t dare lie on top of the other man for fear of
crushing what little breaths he was taking.

�� Japanese might
work, maybe. The thought hit him, and hopelessly, Lavi began to mumble an
incoherent string of strangled pleas and apologies. Interspersed throughout
them all was the repeated phrase, �aishiteru.�

�� Yuu did not stir
immediately, but after a while, his breathing became stronger, and when Lavi
checked, his heartbeat was strong. He knew that he�d almost killed the dark-haired
man, thrown him into an irreversible coma. Yuu groaned nearly too softly to
hear a few hours later, and by the morning, his eyes were moving rapidly
beneath his eyelids with dreams. Lavi hoped they were good, but he knew they
weren�t.

�� Lenalee knocked on
the door. �Lavi? Is Kanda-kun awake?� She asked. Lavi
shook his head, but then he realized Lenalee couldn�t see that, so he responded
in the negative. �Can I come in?� Lavi repeated the same mistake with a nod and
corrected it with an increasing feeling of idiocy.

�� KANDA-KUN!
Get the fuck up, I have tea for you!� Lenalee shouted. Lavi�s head whipped over
to her. Was he dreaming? Was this all a very screwed
up reality? Did Lenalee� just� curse?

�� Yuu sat bolt
upright, his eyes snapping open in complete awareness. He brought a hand to his
face, �the world is a spiraling pit of darkness,� he muttered, falling back
onto his pillow.

�� Yuu!�
Lavi shouted, concerned.

�� Shut up, Lavi,
I�m dizzy.�

�� Oh.� Lavi�s mouth
closed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lenalee set the tray with Yuu�s
cup of tea on the nearest surface and flee. �How did you wake up?�

�� There�s no way my
mind could make up something as impossible as Lenalee swearing. It has to be real. Why are you here?� Yuu looked
confused, as if Lavi�s being there was something that not even reality could
create.

�� I would never
leave you, Yuu�don�t ever forget that. Last night, I was just� confused. Really, really confused. I mean, really confu��

�� I get it. That
doesn�t explain why you left.� Yuu
was speaking as if he still didn�t realize Lavi was truly there, as if he was
conversing with himself.

�� My thoughts were
getting all jumbled up, and if I was around you, I would have said something
really bad�which I did anyway, in retrospect�so I had to get out of there. I
never had any intentions of leaving you. I�goddammit,
Yuu, I fucking love you.� Lavi didn�t quite know how to express it properly.

�� I� I�� Yuu
started, already sounding frustrated.

�� It�s okay, Yuu,� Lavi said quietly, cutting him off. �You
don�t have to say it, I understand. I know you can�t say it, and that�s okay. But� I
don�t know, could you do something for me?�

�� Yuu opened his
eyes, the brown�slightly darker than usual�penetrating Lavi�s solitary green
one with a complete grasp on reality. Yuu definitely knew what was happening
now. That was good. �What?� He asked, just as softly.

�� You don�t have to
do it, but if you can, is it possible that you could just nod or shake your
head? I just� there�s the insecurity of not knowing for sure, even though I
really do know. But it�s unsaid, and that scares me a bit��

�� Get on with the
question, rabbit,� Yuu said, sounding somewhat impatient.

�� Do you love me?�
Lavi asked, lying back down, putting his head on Yuu�s chest and staring down
the curving plane of Yuu�s body toward the lumps under the covers that were his
feet.

�� Yuu inclined his
head, barely moving it at all, but it was enough, and Lavi�s heart soared.
Someone in the world loved him, he could say that with surety, and that in
itself would suffice until Yuu could tell him without being hampered by the invisible
chains left by his tortured past.

---

A/N: Heh heh. Sorry
about the fight�but it needed to happen, and we�ve been planning it since February. Anyway, Yuu�s important
growing points have morphed to four. He�s gotten the first two, and he�s got
two very important admissions left. One is for other people, one is for Lavi,
though we won�t tell you what they are �cause we wouldn�t wanna spoil that for
ya, would we? ;)

A/N: �She used her silent shirt.� <--
what Em1 read instead of �he used her silent strength.� Which proves that not only Em2 fails at reading!� But yeah, the fight needed to happen. Lavi is
an idiot�a true idiot, honestly�but he�s never been loved and he needs the
surety of just knowing. Anyhoo~ we do believe there
will be more plot development next chapter, so look forward to it~! ^___^
- 26
- 27
- 28
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Innocent Rain