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仁義	By : Kimmimaru Category: Gravitation > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1234 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, the characters or settings and of course i make no money from writing this.

Chapter List
- 26
- 27
- 28
Authors note: The italics in this chapter are dreams and Memories! Hope that's clear to everyone! Anyways, R&R and as always, love to all my loyal readers! :)

Chapter 27: Kōkai no omoide (memories of regret)

"You have completed the task I set you?"

"Yes sir."

The room was dark, it was full of people and one man sat at one end of the room, he knelt on cushion. Another man was prostrate before him, his head bowed to the floor.

"Then, you will be rewarded...come here..." The prostrate man sat up revealing a very pretty face surrounded by messy brunet hair. He crawled forwards until he was before the man in shadow. Hands reached up and brought his face close to the shadow veiled man, their lips met in an open mouthed kiss...

Tohma sat up suddenly, his heart hammering in his chest. He stared blindly at the wall of his bedroom until he had calmed down, slowly he shoved his fingers into his hair and collapsed backwards onto his bed. "Ryuichi..." He muttered. He had been plagued by dreams of Ryuichi in the arms of some strange man who hurt him until he screamed, these nightmares were becoming more and more frequent and he had no idea what to do. He closed his eyes but he couldn't escape his imagination as it ran riot with disturbing images...

Ryuichi tied to a bed, tears in his eyes as he was raped...

Hands of men caressing his body, slowly moving over the scars on his back...

His childish voice crying out in agony as filthy men violated him...

Tohma's hands clenched into fists and he gritted his teeth. He was slowly being driven insane by his jealousy. It was the same with Eiri, every time he thought about the author with Shuichi he wanted to scream with rage. He had never once told the boy his real feelings, the only people who knew of them were Ryuichi, Noriko and Mika. He rolled onto his side and stared blankly at the alarm clock. Ryuichi's words running circles around his head...

"No! I've made up my mind! Since you pushed me away you forfeited any right you had to give me orders! I only wanted you to let me do my job...but if I can't do that maybe my skills will be better used elsewhere..."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you had your chance and you blew it! I've had...an offer and I am going to take it."

"What have I done to you, Ryuichi?" He whispered into the empty room. He curled up in a ball and covered his face in his hands. "What have I become?" He began remembering things from his childhood, his games with Ryuichi as they had played outside the orphanage, the brunet's bright and free laughter, his innocent eyes...

"Tohma! Hey, Tohma! Look! I got this from Endo-san! It's a robot! Look at what it does..."

" Tohma? I wanna go play! Play with me!"

"Tohma..."

"Tohma! Come with me, I have something special I want to show you..."

He remembered looking through the doors of the Dojo and seeing something that made his insides boil. He could still hear Ryuichi's cries of pleasure as his Sensei had fucked him, he could clearly remember the dead look in the singers eyes as he had raised his head from the floor and seen Tohma watching from the shadows and he could remember the tears that fell slowly down his cheeks, even if the singer himself couldn't remember crying. Tohma closed his eyes and rested his arm across them, Ryucihi had been such a huge part of his entire life, their friendship had been almost immediate...

"Tohma-Kun, this Sakuma Ryuichi-kun...you will be sharing a room from now on." The Orphanage's director gently nudged the four year old Tohma in the back as he stared at the younger boy. Sakuma Ryuichi had a mop of dark brown hair, his eyes were large and the deepest blue, like the sea. Ryuichi suddenly smiled and Tohma's nerves were wiped away as the child took his hand in his own.

"Nice to meet you, Tohma...Let's be friends! I got a weally weally good toy! Let's go play!"

They played together until it was bed time, by that time Tohma had come out of his shell. They played together every day, they were inseparable...

Tohma stared at the ceiling, he was so lost in his own thoughts he didn't realise the time. He sank himself in memories of his childhood...

"Tohma?" Ryuichi began slowly, he was leaning back in his chair so the feet were off the ground, he had tipped his head right back so he could look at Tohma upside-down. His arms dangled beside him and hair caressed his cheeks, his deep blue eyes were bright in the afternoon sunlight and he was smiling.

"What is it?" Tohma asked, he had a book open on his desk and he was reading quietly. It was break time at school and he usually read.

"I...was wandering..." Ryuichi's tone was soft and thoughtful, as if he was thinking deeply about something or something was playing on his mind. "What would you do if..."

"Ah! Ryu-chan! Come over here, I've got something really cool to show you!"

Ryuichi let the seat fall back to its feet and looked over at the crowd of girls in the doorway, he smiled and jumped to his feet. "Sure..."

"Wait! Ryuichi...what were you going to say?" Tohma stood and grabbed Ryuichi's shirt. The brunet smiled.

"It doesn't matter, really, it's not important." He walked over to the girls who immediately surrounded him and began flirting...

...When they were taken in by Endo, Tohma was forced to spend more time away from his friends. He shadowed Endo, spending time with the old man and doing things that made him feel sick with himself. One day he was sat in a meeting, Ryuichi and Noriko were right at the back when suddenly Endo turned to his Wakagashira.

"I have had a request from Ryuichi-kun, it seems he is interested in being trained by you. What do you say?"

Ryuichi had stood up and bowed low, his face set with determination as he had asked the man to teach him everything he knew. Tohma had wanted to put a stop to it, he had seen what that man was like with the whores...both men and women being treated roughly and cruelly. But, Endo stopped him from speaking up and Ryuichi had been accepted as a pupil.

After that Ryuichi became distant, his personality, which had already been changing after he was raped, was now so unstable he was hardly even himself. It was as if something had shattered inside him, his serious side was cold and unfeeling, devoted to only two things; learning how to protect Tohma and singing, the other side was little more than a child who spent his nights sobbing helplessly into his hands...

...Tohma could remember the first time Ryuichi had killed. He had stood there, hands covered in crimson. He stared down at it, a corpse at his feet and the pool of blood surrounding him. Tohma had watched as Ryuichi's eyes met his, it had been the most terrifying experience. The singer's eyes were dark and empty. There was no emotion in that gaze, there was nothing but the dark light of a murderer...

His memories haunted him. He couldn't escape the feeling that everything was his fault, he should have been able to protect his friend from all the agony he had suffered, he should have been there for him as he was slowly destroying himself just so he could learn to protect his most beloved person.

"...Tohma? I...I..."

"I-I..."

"Tohma..."

Why did he ignore all of Ryuichi's stuttering attempts to confess his true feelings to him when they had been at school? Why hadn't he realized that the brunet was saving himself for him! Why couldn't he have been the one to take him? Instead of having to watch as he was shattered by filthy men!

"Ryuichi! No!"

Tohma flinched. He didn't want those memories either...but they were unstoppable, like a tidal wave they engulfed him until he couldn't escape...

The street was dark, Ryuichi stood at one end panting slightly behind his mask. Everything had gone horribly wrong! The old Oyabun was dead, murdered in his own bed, his Wakagashira had turned traitor and sold them out to a rival group and Tohma had been left exposed. Now they were all under attack, they had been surprised during an emergency meeting and many of the group had been killed, Ryuichi had managed to sneak Tohma away through his secret escape routes, even if he did have to knock him unconscious to do it. The brunet refused to allow any harm to come to his boss. Tohma had come around while they had been hiding, Ryuichi had been determined to go after the old Wakagashira to get revenge on Tohma's behalf but the blond was having none of it. So, together they had hunted down the rival gang killing them off one by one, now they were searching for the boss and Ryuichi's Sensei, but somehow they had been chased and now Ryuichi couldn't find Tohma.

"Shit!" Ryuichi swore desperately. He had been searching for hours and he could see the sun rising on the horizon. The street he was in was empty and his eyes searched the area for any sign of the man he had been hunting, suddenly soft laughter made him spin on his heels, his daggers were in his hand before he had thought of it.

"Well done, I have to admit that I taught you well."

"Sensei!" Ryuichi muttered venomously. "Where is he?"

"What makes you think that we have him? What makes you think we were after him in the first place?"

Ryuichi's eyes widened slightly as he turned around to find men closing in on him. He backed off slowly, his fingers straying towards his daggers...suddenly he felt someone grab his wrist and twist It violently up his back. He bit down hard on his lower lip to prevent any sound from escaping and nearly fell to his knees. Fingers tangled in his hair and his head was yanked backwards. "B-Bastard!" He gasped through his agony.

The man chuckled. "I always did enjoy watching your face when you were in pain...If I had known from the beginning that Endo could be killed off so easily I would have done this sooner..." He grabbed Ryuichi's sleeve and yanked it up exposing the flesh beneath. Ryuichi struggled slightly but his captured arm was pulled further up his back making him take a sharp breath and grit his teeth. "Now then, I am sure you are familiar with this...Ryu-chan?" He held up a metal object that flashed in the light from the street lamps, Ryuichi's eyes widened and he tried to kick the feet out from under the men holding him, he was pushed to his knees, and his arms held out. "It seems that you do...inside this syringe is a rather large dose of heroin. We will be giving you this on a regular basis to ensure your full cooperation when we give you to strange men, you know what they will do to you?" He stroked Ryuichi's hair and face gently. "Such a pretty child, no matter what else you were, you will always be so beautiful...and these men will ruin you. You will beaten and broken until all you care about is where your next hit will come from..." The needle was jabbed into Ryuichi's arm and stared in horror as the liquid within was pumped into his veins.

"Ryuichi! No!" The scream made everyone look up, Tohma came dashing from a side alley. He held a gun pointed at the old Wakagashira. "Enough! It's me you wanted! Well...here I am! Let him go!"

"Drop your weapon first." Ryuichi's sensei said as he placed a hand on Ryuichi's head, it slid slowly down his neck. Ryuichi could feel a very weird sensation steal through his body he began to relax slowly, nothing seemed to matter anymore. The world was filling with pretty lights, flashes and blobs of amazing colours, some he didn't even have a name for. He felt the men holding him release his arms and he fell to the concrete with a soft sigh.

Tohma had lost it. The gun in his hands didn't shake as he put a bullet in each of the men's brains, they had no time to retaliate, the Wakagashira was so shocked he simply stood there as Tohma finally levelled the gun at him. "This is for Ryuichi, you sick bastard!"

"Ryuichi knew the deal, Seguchi. He willingly gave himself to me, he became my slave so that he could learn to protect you...he was very talented and I'm not talking about his martial arts skills..."

Fury engulfed him as he pulled the trigger, the echoing bang hardly even registering as the old Wakagashira crumpled and fell to the concrete bleeding. Tohma stepped over to him and rolled him over with his foot, he looked down into the man's face. "You disgust me, did you think I would allow you to keep your filthy hands on him? You underestimate me...and now you will pay with your life." He lifted the gun and put a bullet between the man's eyes. "I will never allow harm to come to Ryuichi, he is my most beloved person." He turned to his friend and knelt beside him, gently he rolled him over and looked down into his eyes which were glazed. "Ryuichi..." he whispered, filling the name with as much emotion as he could. His fingers swept hair from the singers face making him groan. "Don't worry, I promise I'll take care of you! I promise...I-I'll never let this happen again!"

Ryuichi stared at his reflection in the mirror. He could see his eyes, so much darker than they had been, his face was pale and he looked as if he'd lost weight. With a heavy sigh he pressed his forehead against the cold glass and closed his eyes, he pressed his fist against it and bit down hard on his lower lip. His new job was taxing, the boss worked him hard but it didn't seem to matter if he never saw Ryuichi's face, he had become little more than a shadow; his job was to follow the boss around and protect him from any potential attacks but he was also sent out on missions where he would kidnap, and even murder people's families to try and force them to pay money they owed the group. It was pretty much the same things he had been doing for Tohma but Tohma would never stoop to actually murdering people's innocent family members, he could feel his soul slowly being destroyed and he knew it was going to kill him to keep doing it but what were his other choices? Return to America where he would die of loneliness? Or stay by Tohma's side and watch him chase a man who didn't love him back? He turned his back on the full length mirror and faced his bedroom, slowly he slipped down the mirror and to the floor before shoving his fingers into his hair. "Ryuichi...You're such a fraud. No one believes this stupid act you've got...trying to build up barriers, locking away useless emotions...it's all futile. Everyone knows how weak you are! Why won't you go away! Why won't you just disappear!" He slammed his fist into the floor and hissed air through his teeth angrily. "Tohma doesn't need you! No one needs you! You're a waste of space...your existence is pointless! Without Tohma you have no purpose!" He sighed and relaxed slightly, his eyes closed and he smiled bitterly. "Ah, but of course...this is all about him. Everything revolves around Tohma...he is...my light. He's...the only reason I'm still alive...he's my...everything..." he covered his face with his hands and bowed his head to the floor. "Tohma...I love you. I love you so much it hurts! When you abandon me...I can't help but want to die! I-I don't...no, I can't live without you! E-even if you love another...even if I am nothing more than a toy to you...I just want...I just want to stay by your side! Please...Please Tohma...Let me stay with you! Let me stand at your side where I belong! Don't abandon me again!" He realised belatedly that he was sobbing and almost screaming the words out loud. His heart was tearing its self to pieces and there was nothing he could do to stop it, he felt sick, his body shook violently and he covered his mouth with his hand. "I...I want you to kill me." He lifted his eyes to the ceiling and wrapped his arms around his stomach. "Why didn't you kill me?" The tears were hot on his face as they streamed down his cheeks and his breathing was irregular. "I want to die."

"What's this?" Ryuichi looked down at the papers in Tohma's hands.

"I'm going to America for a while...I don't know when I will be able to return." Tohma replied, he sat at the table and stared down at his hands. "Eiri-kun needs to be given a better life, Japan is just making him miserable so I have taken it upon myself to act as his guardian and take him with me."

Ryuichi felt hollow, as if someone had torn out his insides. "Then...what does this mean? For the band...for the family?"

"Grasper is merely a sideshow, you know as well as I do that it is a cover. We will officially announce our retirement and I will start anew in America..." Tohma seemed unable to meet Ryuichi's eyes.

"What about me?" The singer asked quietly, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "What...what do you want me to do, boss?"

"I have considered this matter very carefully and I will need you in America..." Ryuichi's eyes brightened and he looked up with a smile, but it slipped from his face as Tohma shook his head. "You will be transferred to LA, where I need contacts to deal with the American Mafia there. I have arranged for you to meet with a man who knows the ropes, he will teach you and you will then establish trade negotiations with our American branch. I need someone to oversee this and you are the only one I trust to do this."

"So...You are casting me aside?" Ryuichi spoke slowly. "You don't need me at your side anymore?"

"That's not what I am saying! I am ordering you where I believe you will be of the most use. I am unknown in America, I will be fine. We will stay in touch and of course I will expect regular updates on your progress, now, this conversation is over. The tickets have been purchased, you cannot back out now."

"I..." Tohma glared at Ryuichi who took a shuddery breath and bowed low. "I understand sir, I am yours to command as you will." He said formally before straightening, he saw Tohma smile gently at him as he stood and cupped his face with one hand.

"Ryuichi..." He sighed as he pressed his lips to the singers.

"Tohma." Ryuichi replied in kind as Tohma's tongue invaded his mouth, he was turned and forced against the table, Tohma's fingers made short work of his clothes. The room was filled with their soft gasps, heat filled their bodies until Ryuichi thought he would explode, his mind went blissfully blank as he felt Tohma penetrate him from behind. His fingers dug into the table beneath him and he cried out, arching his back. "Ah!" He felt flames race across his skin as Tohma's nails dug into the flesh of his back, sharp teeth bit down into his shoulder and he gasped again muttering Tohma's name between ragged breaths.

"Y-You're so...tight...Ryuichi..." Tohma muttered, his eyes closed as he thrust into the body beneath him.

"Tohma..." Ryuichi groaned, matching Tohma's movement. Hands in his hair dragged him up so his back was against Tohma's chest.

"D-don't cum...just yet..." Tohma gasped as he felt Ryuichi tense around him.

"Can't...can't stop..."

"Nn...a little longer..."

Ryuichi rested his head against Tohma's shoulder, his hand gripping Tohma's wrist as he slid his fingers around Ryuichi's erection. "Ha...Nnnn...God! Tohma...I-I...C-can't...Too...Too good! C-Cumming..." He tensed as pleasure swamped him erasing all thought. He felt Tohma's muscles respond as he came with cry. Heat filled him, adding to the euphoria before his knees gave way and he collapsed to the floor panting heavily. Tohma lay at his side, he wrapped his arms around him tightly and buried his face in the crook of Ryuichi's neck. Ryuichi's fingers entwined with Tohma's and he felt sleep encroach on him, he smiled slightly. "I love you..." He whispered before he fell into a deep and completely satisfied sleep...

The memory of that night left Ryuichi feeling cold. He slumped in his corner and tried to banish the thoughts but he was unable to...

"Tohma!" Ryuichi rushed in through the open door, his mind a panicked blur. He had received a call, Tohma had sounded odd and he had been crying. He entered the living room and saw Tohma sitting on the floor rocking back and forth, blood stained his hands and his clothes. Ryuichi gasped and fell to his knees beside his friend, he took his shoulders and shook him until he looked up. His cold blue eyes swam with tears and he fell into Ryuichi's embrace.

"All my fault...its all my fault...I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry...Eiri! F-forgive me!"

"Hush, Tohma...it's alright..." Ryuichi muttered as he held him close. "I'm here now, you don't have to worry...I'll help you fix it!"

Tohma gripped Ryuichi's shirt tightly in one fist and looked up into Ryuichi's eyes. "Ryuichi...?"

"I'm here..." Ryuichi murmured. Tohma buried his face in the singers hair and breathed deeply, his breath shaking but slowly he began to relax. "None of it is your fault, Tohma...I promise."

"If I could have...I would have murdered him with my own hands." Tohma whispered softly, his voice hard and cold, he suddenly shoved Ryuichi backwards so he lay on the floor looking up at him with those big dark blue eyes that seemed to sap Tohma of his sanity...he leaned down and kissed Ryuichi hard on the mouth, his teeth scraping Ryuichi's tongue and drawing blood. Ryuichi winced as Tohma pulled away, he licked the blood from his lips and Tohma tore open his shirt and bowed his head. He nipped lightly at a nipple making Ryuichi shudder with longing beneath him, then he bit down on it.

"Ah! Ow! T-Tohma...you're hurting me..." Ryuichi muttered, his fingers found Tohma's soft blond hair and threaded through it.

"Quiet." Tohma hissed, his fingers trailing down Ryuichi's stomach making him tense. "So noisy...if you continue to make so much noise I will bind you..."Ryuichi nodded and stifled his gasp and Tohma yanked down his trousers and bent his head to run his tongue up the shaft of Ryuichi's rapidly hardening penis.

"Nnng...ha...T-Tohma...!" Ryuichi whispered, his eyes half closed and he shoved his fingers further into Tohma's hair while thrusting his hips into his welcoming mouth.

"Have you let other men touch you this way?" Tohma muttered, he was in a strange mood, the scene he had witnessed earlier that day and his own self hatred and guilt had turned on him and he needed to take his frustrations out on someone. "Hmm? While I'm away...do you let others fuck you until you're screaming? When they do...do you say my name?"

Ryuichi tensed as Tohma's hand tightened on his erection. He turned his face away feeling his cheeks fill with heat. "Nn...Tohma...I-I...Only you...only ever you..." He gasped finally bucking his hips into the hand that held him. He opened his eyes and looked into Tohma's, he was panting heavily but he managed a small smile. "Only your name...will ever pass my lips..."

Tohma smiled and leaned down to capture Ryuichi's lips with his own, he deepened the kiss as he began moving his hand making Ryuichi squirm and moan desperately into his open mouth. "Then...keep it that way. Think only of me...scream only my name...only allow my hands to touch this body...You belong to me, Ryuichi..."

"Y-yes...All yours...only ever...Ah...yours..." He arched his back and gasped, his hands captured Tohma's as he squeezed his erection, "Nnng...Fuck...So good...P-put it in me...I-I want...to feel Tohma inside..."

Tohma obliged, his hands lifting Ryuichi's hips and slowly sliding inside him. The pain was brutal and Ryuichi had to bite down on his tongue to stop a cry from escaping him. Tohma saw the tears standing in the corner of Ryuichi's eyes and he leaned down. "Does it...hurt?" he whispered.

Ryuichi nodded, his teeth trapping his bottom lip. "A...little..." he replied slowly. "But...the pain is good..." he lifted himself up onto his elbows and kissed Tohma gently. "Do anything to me, I am yours Tohma..."

"In the end...I can't escape you. No matter what I do...I will always belong to you." Ryuichi muttered to himself as he wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his forehead against them. "Tohma, I will always love you..."
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仁義