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Blind Fury	By : HollowedRose Category: > Durarara!! (?????!! Dyurarara!!) Views: 6534 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!! and its characters. They belong to Ryohgo Narita. I'm not making any profit from this.

Chapter List
- 26
- 27
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Chapter 27 - Haunted
Shizuo woke up with a start, a hopeless plea of "stop" slipping passed dry lips. Wild shivers wracked his sweaty frame, teeth chattering as images from his nightmare refused to evanesce, eyes darting around the room to make sure that it had been nothing more than a bad dream, that he wasn't actually hurting Kasuka in such a way. The nightmare had been different this time, because he wasn't dissociating himself from his own actions anymore in a desperate subconscious attempt to lessen the guilt. He often had nightmares about that night, each time waking up just a little more broken than before. It was like he was trapped in his own body while the monster that was Ikebukuro's beast did terrible things to Izaya. This time however he was the one making Izaya bleed as he thrust and thrust and thrust into the unwilling body, a part of him wanting to destroy the man beyond repair, while the other part of him, perhaps a last vestige of his humanity, begged the beast to stop. The nightmare was terrible enough as it was, but somewhere along the line he heard Izaya's accusing voice when he said, "you, Shizu-chan, you're Slon," and, to his own horror, he saw Izaya's image morph into that of Kasuka, and no matter how much he pleaded and cried for the nightmare to end, he couldn't stop himself from hurting his little brother in the same manner that he had hurt Izaya. He could honestly say that it had been the worst nightmare he had ever had. He felt bile rise in his throat at the recollection and he rushed to the bathroom, but he refused to throw up though, so instead he kept his eyes squeezed shut and tried to fight off the nausea, hands gripping the sink so tightly that his knuckled turned white before he had the energy to turn the faucet on to splash some cold water onto his face. His limbs shook with fine tremors, and he inhaled a ragged breath, scrubbing a hand over his face in an effort to fully wake up.
His little brother was fine. They had barely dodged a bullet by Izaya's grace alone, because the man hadn't gone through with his cruel plan, and for that Shizuo would be forever grateful. A broken laugh erupted from his dry throat at the irony of it all as the memories of all those times he called Izaya a monster came back to him. Even though neither of them was human enough, Izaya had still been unable to do it, which meant that the man he always thought of as a monster was more human that Shizuo himself had ever been. Then again, he knew that he was no longer human, not after what he had done, because a real man would've just killed off the flea instead of trying to use sex as a weapon to break him. That night he was driven by pure, savage, primitive behavior, and it shamed him to know that he could ever treat another human being that way, even if said person happened to be the flea. He now understood why people often said that power corrupts, because the second Izaya was in his grasp, his mind had been intoxicated at the prospect of finally paying him back for all the things the man had done to him over the years. He had finally succeeded in catching the annoying prey that seemed to defy gravity, and to have such a tough opponent in his grasp made him succumb to his most primal desire of wanting to break and destroy the man out of a sense of unadulterated anger and rage. He knew exactly what he was doing, but it was only after the victory's euphoria had run off that he truly understood the gravity of the situation. His aim had been to humiliate, debase, and to hurt Izaya so that the man would understand just how much he hated him; the tragic thing was that he succeeded in his endeavour. He ran a wet hand through his hair and looked in the mirror for a second before he turned around when he realized how much he hated the person looking back at him.
He breathed deeply, willing the tension in his body to dissipate before he walked out of the bathroom and picked up the phone from the coffee table. He didn't know who put it there, because the last time he remembered having it in his hands was when Celty knocked on his door with an unconscious Kasuka in her arms. He must've dropped it back then, and it was a miracle the thing was still working. He needed to know if Kasuka was all right, so he dialed the number, raised the phone to his ear and waited for him to pick up.
"Hello."
He ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the couch. He didn't know why, but he suddenly found it really hard to talk to Kasuka ― not that talking to his seemingly emotionless brother had ever been easy. "Hey..." he finally said, and held his breath, hoping that Kasuka didn't hate him enough to never want to talk to him again.
"Is something wrong?" Kasuka was expecting to get a call from Shizuo, especially after he bailed in the middle of the night without so much as a word.
Everything is wrong, thought Shizuo and struggled to swallow the lump in his throat so that he could speak. "Are you... are you all right?"
"I'm fine."
Shizuo grit his teeth in annoyance. Of course Kasuka would say he was fine, he always said that, just like all those other times when he got bullied by other kids for money. It pissed him off that Kasuka was always so passive when it came to everything. "You were hurt pretty badly."
"They took care of my broken wrist at the hospital."
Shizuo's fingers clenched around the phone. "That's not... that's not the only thing I'm worried about." He knew that Kasuka wasn't weak, which meant that his little brother could easily deal with the physical injuries, but it didn't mean that he wasn't worried about him. Still, considering how much worse it could've been, his brother was damn lucky for being able to leave that place with only a broken wrist. He saw the video, so he knew exactly how far Slon had gotten before Izaya jumped in to stop him. No matter how emotionless his little brother seemed to be, Shizuo knew that wasn't the case. He realized that perhaps he should stop beating around the bush and just ask him directly. "What I really want to know is how are YOU doing?"
Kasuka was expecting the question, because it was just like Shizuo to worry about him all the time. "I'm good." He figured that perhaps it was time for Shizuo to understand that he wasn't a little kid anymore, that he wasn't someone weak who needed his protection all the time. He never wanted it to begin with, and he never asked for it even when he might've needed it, so he wasn't about to start now.
Shizuo jumped to his feet and started pacing around the room. "After what happened?! How can you?" It was exactly this type of attitude that he couldn't stand, because no matter how much Kasuka pretended to be emotionless, he knew that wasn't the case. He hated how his little brother refused to be honest with him even in such a serious situation.
"It didn't affect me as badly as you think it did."
Shizuo's whole body stiffened. He couldn't stand it when Kasuka lied to him like that, and even though he didn't want to fight over the phone, he couldn't help but snap at him. "It's all my fault you had to go through that in the first place! Do you even understand what could've happened to you??"
"I understand, but nothing happened, so there's no point in dwelling over it."
"Are you even listening to yourself?!" There was silence from Kasuka's end, so Shizuo continued. "I'll be waiting for you, so come over as soon as you have some free time."
Kasuka expected the request, but he wasn't about to oblige. "I'm sorry, but I'm busy."
"How about tomorrow?"
Even if he wanted to go, Kasuka couldn't, not after messing up everyone's schedule, and they were left with no choice but to film the action scenes where he'd be injured in the movie. "I'm leaving Tokyo tomorrow."
Shizuo sighed, exasperated, and continued to pace around the room. "Then come over today."
"I really can't, I'm sorry."
"Don't run away from me!" said Shizuo in a rough voice.
"I'm not."
Shizuo could already feel fear clawing at his guts. "Is it because you finally understand what I've done? Is that why you don't want to see me anymore?"
"It has nothing to do with you."
"Are you afraid of me?" He dreaded to hear the answer, but he needed to know anyway. If his little brother said "yes", he would stay away from Kasuka no matter how much it would pain him to do so.
"You know, nii-san, not everything is about you. I'm not, nor will I ever be afraid of you. I've told you that a thousand times before. How many times do you want me to repeat myself before you get it through that thick skull of yours?"
Shizuo wanted to believe those words more than anything, but he still had doubts. "Then why don't you want to see me anymore?" he asked, and he hated how meek his voice sounded.
Kasuka stayed silent for a while, his thoughts going back to the events of the previous night. He knew that he had acted like a horrible human being, and that wasn't what he wanted to be. That wasn't him. "Because I've done enough damage already."
"What...?"
"I've said some terrible things to Izaya because of what you tried to do yesterday. I don't want to do such a thing again. I need to stay away for a while. I hope you understand."
Shizuo gasped in surprise, suddenly feeling weary about the whole situation. "You talked to Izaya?"
"I've met him last night."
"Are you insane?!" he nearly screeched. Kasuka should've known better than to seek out the man who kidnapped him. "Are you all right? Did he hurt you?"
"No, I'm fine. I'm the one who hurt him."
Shizuo's brows furrowed in confusion. "Huh?"
"Please understand."
"Did you tell him that I tried to kill myse―"
"No, I didn't tell him. I'm sorry, but I have to go now. I'll be back in a couple of weeks."
"Wai―"
"Good bye."
Shizuo dropped the phone back on the coffee table, grabbed the pack of cigarettes and the lighter, and slumped back on the couch. "What the hell...?" He put a cigarette between his lips and lit it up. If Kasuka had pissed Izaya off, then perhaps it was better for him to stay away from Tokyo for a while. There was no telling how far Izaya would go, and Shizuo was certain that the man was nowhere near finished taking his revenge. He also realized that it was about time he grew a pair and properly apologized to Izaya; not that it'd magically make everything better, but because it was the right thing to do. A proper apology, he thought, not the shit he pulled that time at Shinra's apartment when he almost strangled him to death. He took a drag from the cigarette and closed his eyes, trying to think of a way to get Izaya to listen to him. It'd have to be in a public place, because he knew that Izaya wouldn't like the idea of being alone with him, not after they had almost killed each other the last time they happened to end up together in the same room. He picked up the phone and stared at it for a while, steeling himself to call Izaya. "Here goes nothing." He dialed the number and waited, but the man didn't pick up, and Shizuo couldn't really blame him, not after what he'd done to him.
He put the phone back on the coffee table and got up, took off his clothes, threw them in with the rest of the dirty laundry, and went to take a shower. The hot water felt nice on his cold skin, and he dreaded the idea of going outside when it was so cold, but he knew that he had no choice, because his bills weren't going to pay themselves. A shiver ran down his spine at the thought that instead of taking a shower he could've still been clinging to Kasuka's broken body had Izaya gone through with the plan. A bleak laugh fell from his lips as he leaned against the bathroom tiles, the urge to punch something getting stronger by the minute. He wished that Izaya would've succeeded in killing him that night with that same knife that Shizuo tried to plunge into his own heart in a pathetic attempt to end his useless existence; he sure as hell deserved it. He didn't have time to mop around though, unless he wanted to be late for work, so he pushed himself away from the wall and quickly washed before drying himself off with a towel and rushing to his bedroom to get dressed. He put on underwear, an undershirt, and picked a black hoodie and a pair of black pants to wear for the day. He almost laughed at the irony, because Izaya was supposed to be the one dressed in black while he wore the bartender uniform. They were obviously not as expensive as the stuff Izaya wore, but Shizuo wasn't a rich bastard, so he only bought stuff he could afford. He had a bunch of expensive clothes from Kasuka, but he didn't want to get blood stains on them in case he'd have to beat up some punk at work. He gave up on his bartender uniform after that night, because there was no point in using it anymore, not when Kasuka knew that he had lost his job. At least people still recognized and avoided him as much as possible, even without his trademark uniform, because no one wanted to set off Ikebukuro's beast. He still dyed his hair blond though; he couldn't give up on that, not when it served as a warning to those around him to not get too close. He smiled at the memory of Tom suggesting he dye his hair, before his smile fell when he realized how late he was for work. He cursed out loud and looked for Izaya's switchblade, knowing that he wouldn't be able to leave the apartment if he didn't have it with him. He saw it stick out from behind the couch, so he picked it up, cleaned the dry blood off it, grabbed his cigarette, lighter, phone and keys before he put his jacket and shoes on and rushed out the door.
"Hey," said Tom when he saw his employee show up at the usual rendezvous spot.
"Mornin'." It was a cold, foggy day, and Shizuo wanted nothing more than to go back to his apartment, curl under the covers of his bed, and stay there until he felt ready to face the world, because he certainly didn't feel ready as he walked down the street with Tom to collect money from some poor unfortunate soul who borrowed too much and couldn't pay back.
"Are you feeling all right?" asked Tom when he saw that Shizuo looked paler than usual. In fact, it looked like the man was about to pass out or something.
"I'm good, just a bit tired, s'all." He always felt tired, because he could never get a good night's sleep anymore, not when he was constantly plagued by nightmares. He did feel worse than usual though, but it was to be expected after the emotional rollercoaster of the day before. He felt completely drained, like all of the energy had been sucked right out of him, leaving behind nothing but an empty husk. He dropped the butt of the cigarette he had just finished smoking and slipped another one between his lips, and then kept on chain-smoking one cigarette after another.
Tom stared at him for a bit, his expression one of worry. "Are you sure you're ok?"
"I'm sure." Shit, he inwardly cursed, am I this transparent?
Tom gave him a skeptical look and stayed silent for a while before he decided that he couldn't keep quiet. "For how long have we known each other?"
"Too long," Shizuo mumbled as he took another drag from the cigarette. He stopped counting them after the fourth one.
"Exactly! That's why I know something's wrong."
Shizuo's eye twitched, and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, cigarette hanging loosely between his lips. "I'm fine, really."
Tom sighed and stopped in his tracks. "Look, I've kept quiet until now, because you know how I don't like to meddle into other people's business, but I'm really worried about you. You don't look too well."
Shizuo ran a hand through his hair and stopped as well. He threw the butt of the latest smoked cigarette on the ground and stepped on it before he lit up another one and turned to face his boss. "I've been having some personal problems lately, but I'm trying to work through them."
Tom knew that Shizuo wasn't telling him everything, but he didn't think that insisting would be a wise idea. The best he could do was to offer his support and hope that his friend would take it if he ever needed it. "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."
Shizuo forced a smile on his face to reassure Tom, because he really hated to see other people worry about him. Someone like him didn't deserve to have such good people as friends. "Thanks, I will."
Tom was certain that the man would never ask for help no matter what, but he also knew that Shizuo would appreciate any help being offered to him. His friend always had a low opinion of himself, and Tom hated that, because Shizuo was a good person, no matter what other people thought of him. He'd seen him upset before, but it was never this bad, and never for so long, so there really was no wonder that he was worried. His employee was slowly turning into a walking corpse, and he didn't like that. An idea popped into his head, so he hooked an arm around Shizuo's neck and smiled broadly. "Let's go get you some cake and a milkshake."
"We don't have ti―"
"We do, we do," Tom said and started dragging Shizuo towards the nearest place where they could get some of those sweets that his friend loved so much. He actually had to push Shizuo down on the chair in order to make him sit down, but after that the man mostly kept quiet as he slowly ate the cake ordered for him. Tom only drank a soda, because he wasn't really in the mood to eat anything else, but he knew that sweets always made Shizuo feel better, and that was the only thing that mattered. He did find it weird that the man wasn't as enthusiastic as he used to be when it came to sweets. Hmm, when did this start, he wondered, and thought back at the time when he noticed the first change in Shizuo. It was around the time when he stopped wearing the bartender uniform, muttering something about there being no point in keeping up the pretense anymore. After that, Shizuo kept getting worse by the day, as though he was being haunted by something. I guess it started a couple of months ago. He watched Shizuo as he ate, the blank look on his face telling him that he wasn't particularly enjoying the dessert. "Do you want to try something else?"
Shizuo shook his head and forced a smile on his face. "No, this is great, thanks." He inwardly cursed himself for the slip-up, really hating to see Tom worry about him. He pretended to enjoy eating the rest of the cake, and once he was done, they both went back to work. The guy they were about to visit was someone who kept evading them, so he couldn't help but wonder how did Tom succeed in finding the man. He figured he could use it as a topic of conversation, because the stifling silence was starting to get to him. "How did you find him?" he finally asked and watched as Tom scratched his head and averted his eyes as though he was guilty of something. Shizuo's brows furrowed in confusion. "What...?"
Tom laughed nervously. "Orihara Izaya found him for me."
Shizuo immediately tensed, wondering how many times had Izaya been to Ikebukuro without him noticing. "When did you meet him?"
Tom scratched his head as he stared into space. "Ah, I didn't. I only talked to him on the phone. Now that you mention it, I do find it strange that he hasn't shown his face in Ikebukuro in such a long time. You've probably heard the rumors about him being dead, right?"
Shizuo grimaced. Of course he had, and the sad thing was that Izaya had actually almost died. "Yeah, he finally answered," his voice thick with emotion.
"I thought it was funny how everyone accused you of murdering him," Tom continued, smiling, and gave him a pat on the back, "but that's just because they don't know you like I do."
Shizuo stiffened. You don't know me, you don't know me at all! It was more painful to hear someone say that he was a good person instead of being called a monster. Still, this was not about him. "Hey, do you happen to know where he lives?"
"Don't tell me you want to go there and kill him once and for all." Tom was always worried when it came to Shizuo and Izaya, because he could never tell what they would do next.
Shizuo shook his head. "No, I only want to talk to him about something."
Tom gave him a skeptical look, trying to figure out why Shizuo would suddenly ask for Izaya's address. "I'm sorry, Shizuo, but I still need you, so I can't afford to let you get caught by the police for murdering Orihara Izaya."
Shizuo grabbed his shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes. "I won't hurt him, I give you my word."
Tom watched him for a long time, trying to figure out if Shizuo was serious about it. Truth be told, it wasn't that hard to find out where the Informant lived, so it wasn't like Shizuo couldn't find him if he were to start asking around. He sighed. "Fine. It's not like his address is a state secret, it's just that you've never tried to find him before," he said as he took out the man's business card from his wallet.
Shizuo's arm fell back to his side. It was true that he had never tried to find Izaya no matter how many times he told the flea that he'd kill him, because he was happy enough just knowing that the flea stayed out of Ikebukuro, and that was why he never bothered to chase him into Shinjuku.
"Here," Tom said and handed him Izaya's business card. "Try not to kill him. I still need you."
Shizuo nodded slowly and proceeded to follow Tom as the man crossed the street, unable to take his eyes off the business card. It didn't even surprise him that the thing was black, the silver writing giving the whole thing an elegant look. So Izaya-like... Making one of those things had probably been expensive, but he knew that Izaya could easily afford it, because the bastard made a lot of money selling and buying information. I don't have time for this right now, he thought just before he put the card into his wallet and shoved the thing back into the pocket of his pants. I'll go see him after work. He wasn't looking forward to it, but he sure as hell had to go nonetheless. Izaya wasn't answering his phone, so Shizuo was left with no other choice. This is going to be a long day, he thought and sighed, following Tom into the apartment building of their first 'client' for the day. A very long day...
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Blind Fury