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Life After Near Death	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 14426 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

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"Is it really possible to tell someone else what one feels?"

― Leo Tolstoy

Chapter 27

Brawls and Kisses
Natsu followed Gray like a hawk, or perhaps like a dragon. He had to admit to himself, maybe he was acting like Juvia and stalking the ice wizard. He could hardly help it, though. Natsu was concerned—no, he was flat out terrified—that Gray might try to hook up with some girl now that he and Juvia were not together.
He had to stop that from happening. It didn't matter how!
A few days after the breakup, Lyon came to Magnolia to check up on Gray. The two went out for drinks, and Natsu followed. He put on a hat and sunglasses and sat in another area of the pub, watching them and using his keen ears to listen in on their conversation.
"How in hell did you mess up with her?" the older Ice-Make wizard exclaimed as they drank cold beers.
"I told you, I just … I … wasn't in love," Gray grumbled in shame, feeling guilty about breaking the heart of the girl his adopted brother liked. "I jumped in too soon, I guess. I thought I could grow to love her."
"Of course! Anyone would love that dear, gorgeous woman," Lyon exclaimed loyally. "Which is why I'm worried why you, of all people, couldn't love her. Your heart isn't that cold!" Lyon suddenly realized something. "Were you perhaps conflicted about my feelings for Juvia? Is that the issue?"
Gray scoffed softly. Honestly, Lyon's unrequited love never entered his mind. "I wish I knew," he muttered. A face popped into his head: a summery smile, squinty eyes, and wild cerise hair. He shook his head stubbornly. "Lyon, how do you know if you're in love?"
The white-haired wizard looked stunned, but seeing Gray's troubled face made him think about it seriously. "You feel warm, almost like you're on fire. You feel like melting, yet you feel stronger and more powerful than a glacier."
"Warm. On fire." Gray mused on that, but the vision of sage green eyes and a sharp-toothed smile returned. "Dammit," he muttered, running his hand through his hair. Why did that face have to keep coming back to him?
Lyon eyed him keenly. "Something on your mind?"
Just then, on the other side of the room, the manager walked up to Natsu's table. "Sir, if you don't order anything besides water, I'll have to ask you to leave."
Natsu knew he had no money. He glanced over at the two ice wizards again. He supposed he could wait outside and watch, just to make sure Gray did not flirt with the waitresses. He got up and left, keeping his hat low and his coat collar turned up so he would not draw attention to himself.
Back at the table for two, Gray was quiet, debating what was on his mind. He felt like there was no one in the world who could possibly understand.
"Gray?" Lyon asked softly. "You know you can tell me anything. We're brothers."
He smiled reflectively. "Yeah, we are," he whispered. If there was one man in this world he could tell, it was Lyon. "What if the issue is … I don't like women?"
Lyon was stunned, and his mouth dropped a little. "You … you're—"
"I don't know," Gray cut in. "I don't think I am. I mean, I do like women, definitely, but … but maybe … both?" he questioned, feeling like panicking since he could not explain this. "Look, I don't even know. They say you're born that way, and … and I've never once thought about men like this."
"But there's someone," he pointed out. "A man you … like?"
Gray sank in confusion. "I don't know. Maybe. I'm too confused. Part of me … doesn't want this," he whispered, feeling guilty just admitting that, like he was betraying Natsu somehow. "I mean, what the hell do I know about … about…" His throat clenched off and he tried to gesture wildly with his hands.
"Gay sex?"
Gray's cheeks went crimson. "Yes, that! I've heard it's painful, and there's that whole top/bottom thing, and … and … goddammit, I don't even know if sex is what I want. With women, yeah, totally, but with him … I just don't know," he gnashed in frustration.
"Well, intimacy like that is usually something you work up to, not immediately leap under the sheets," Lyon told him. "What is it you do want from this potential relationship?"
"Hell, if I know," he grumbled.
He thought about all those erotic fantasies he had been having. He wanted that fiery body, those strong hands, and that flaming mouth. However, Lyon was right: couples normally built up to things like that. Gray had never really given thought to simpler things like dating. Could he … date Natsu? Could they be boyfriends? What exactly did he want besides weird sexual fantasies?
"It'd probably never work out," he muttered to himself. "Besides, it'll be awkward, we'd both get harassed, and … and I don't think he's gay anyway. Part of me wants to ignore it. It's a phase, just some crazy notion of mine, it'll go away. And part of me … just can't help it. The more I fight it, the more he comes to mind. It's annoying and frustrating and … and I have no clue what I should do."
"He doesn't know about your feelings, does he?"
Gray cringed. "Oh hell no!"
"Perhaps you should confess first and figure the rest out later."
It sounded so easy. "No. He's not gay. He likes a girl."
"You liked Juvia. That didn't stop you from liking this guy as well. He could also be bisexual."
"I'm not bisexual," Gray said quickly, but he choked up. Was he? Was that what this was? "I don't know what I am anymore," he growled. "Anyway, if I told him…" Gray thumped his head down onto the table and mumbled, "That'd ruin everything."
Lyon hummed and nodded to himself. "This man is a friend," he deduced.
Gray smiled to himself. "One of my best friends."
Lyon paled a little. "It … um … it isn't … me, is it? I mean, I'm flattered but … but you're like a brother, and sorry but I'm definitely not into guys."
Gray laughed at his awkwardness. "No, not you. However, this is probably how he'll react."
"Then maybe tell him the same thing you're telling me. Hint about it. Don't let him know he's the one until you see his reaction."
Gray hummed. That made sense. If he could just hint to Natsu that maybe, possibly, he was attracted to a guy, he could at least see what the Dragon Slayer's reaction would be to the news. If he could slowly creep into this, maybe coming out would be easier.
And if Natsu flat out laughed at him or looked as horrified as Lyon had a moment ago, Gray would have his answer.
They talked a little more about Juvia—enough so Lyon realized he now had a chance with her—but otherwise their conversations were about Lamia Scale and Fairy Tail. They drank and toasted to friendship. Gray laughed, feeling a little better now that he had actually told someone about all of this confusion in his heart.
Outside, Natsu watched through the window. He was glad Gray had someone like Lyon around, someone he could talk to. He hoped that talking like this helped him to move past Juvia. He just wanted Gray to feel better, and when he saw the two Ice-Make wizards laughing and drinking, Natsu felt a warmth in his heart.
From the beginning, he just wanted Gray to be happy.

That night, nothing happened. The next day, Gray was hung over and did not even go to the guild, opting to stay home and read quietly. Outside, Natsu stood by a street light and gazed up at Gray's window, feeling worried about him but too nervous to go up to his room and check on him.
A week later, Gray wanted to take a mission alone, and Natsu followed. He got caught that time, and Gray shouted at him to leave. He was tempted to keep following along anyway, but he did not want to be too suspicious. The mission was up in the mountains fighting some sort of winter hare, so Natsu guessed there was a low chance of Gray hooking up with any girls.
He kept following, and two weeks after the breakup he saw Gray go into a store. He was buying new shirts, having lost a few on the mission. It seemed like he knew the young cashier girl very well. She already knew his size and the styles he liked. Gray smiled and joked with her, while Natsu stood over by a rack of vests, watching suspiciously.
"So, you like mystery novels, huh?" Gray asked, leaning in a little closer and smiling. "I know a good mystery house a couple towns over. They put on a whodunit play and dinner every other weekend. There's a fake murder, the suspects serve you dinner and drop clues, they act out scenes between each course, and by the end, whoever can guess the murderer gets a special dessert. How about it? Do you want to—"
"Gray!"
Natsu leaped out from around the rack and stomped up to him. No! No, no, no! He was not going to lose his chance to some clothing shop girl.
The ice wizard looked around and glared. "What do you want, flame-brain?"
"I challenge you!" he blurted out, the only way Natsu knew how to pull Gray away.
The droopy blue eyes rolled in exasperation. "I'm a little busy here."
"Coward!"
Gray really was stunned to see Natsu here, and just as he thought perhaps a date with some town girl could take his mind off of the Fire Dragon Slayer for a few days, just long enough to sort out what he wanted to do about these strange emotions.
Why … why did he have to show up? Just seeing Natsu made his chest hurt, knowing how he felt but realizing Natsu did not feel the same way. No, he saw Gray as just a rival, and here he was, challenging him as if nothing had happened between them.
Well … nothing had. Not yet. Only in Gray's dreams.
"Fine," Gray muttered. He glanced back at the girl. "Another time," he said, giving her a wink and making her giggle.
Natsu glared at the flirting and stormed out of the store before he set something on fire.
The hill behind Fairy Tail where guild members sometimes trained was much closer than the river where they normally fought. Besides, Natsu did not really care much about the fight, just so long as Gray did not ask out anyone. He figured he would beat the ice wizard up to the point where no girls would want to talk to him. A few solid punches to the face would do it. That would buy him a few more days, at least. Hopefully, that would be enough time to get the courage to confess.
They squared off and began their fight. It was the same as always, fire and ice, punches and kicks. Natsu lost his anger while brawling. He began to laugh, feeling lighthearted again, forgetting about weird feelings and possessiveness. It was just him and Gray. Somehow, even fighting like this, life was happier and simpler this way.
He did not even care when Gray rammed ice into his stomach and cracked a rib. He laughed it off and felt glad to see that his rival had not gotten weaker.
He got in the punches to Gray's face that he wanted, plus more. Then Gray iced the ground, and Natsu slipped around on the slick terrain until he felt sick. He collapsed, and Gray instantly froze him. Ice went over Natsu's wrists, holding him to the frozen ground.
"Hey!" the Dragon Slayer yelled, pulling on his wrists. "What is this?"
"A victory for me," Gray gloated.
"Bastard! Since when were you into bondage?"
The question startled Gray. Bondage? As in … tying up? Then he realized Natsu was pinned, his wrists trapped … bound … in his ice!
It was … kind of … sexy, seeing him like that.
He lost his concentration, and Natsu smashed through the ice. He leaped and tackled Gray down.
"See how you like it!" he shouted, and he used his scarf to tie up Gray's hands. "Huh? How's that, you perverted exhibitionist? All tied up! How do you like … um…"
His victorious smile wavered as he gazed down and saw Gray just staring up at him … looking deep into his eyes. Natsu saw the expression of shock and confusion, heard the sharp breaths, and he smelled something.
Was this arousal?
"Natsu?" Gray whispered. Why the hell was his heart racing? The pressure of that body on top of him, the radiating heat, and the musky aroma made him tremble in a way no fight ever did, both fear and excitement, dread and desire.
Natsu's chest burned as he saw Gray under him, pinned, tied up, helpless and blushing. He had a single instinct now, and there was no way he wanted to let go of this moment. He leaned down slowly, looking at Gray's face, anticipating a rejection and praying it would never come. Instead, those blue eyes just kept looking at him, and that smell was getting stronger. Their lips drew closer, until Natsu could feel Gray's cold breath tingling his lips.
"What are you doing?" Gray whispered, breathing hard, and not just from the fight.
"I dunno," Natsu admitted, bending over further, drawing closer.
Gray saw Natsu's eyes close. He could have yanked out of the scarf and pushed him away, but he stayed still, his heart racing, wondering if this was really about to happen. Gradually, those soft lips pressed down, and Gray's eyes widened.
Was this … a kiss?
He was getting kissed!
By Natsu!
Yet somehow, this was a familiar sensation, like an old dream finally becoming reality. His body thrummed with warmth. The feel of those chapped lips gently pressing against his mouth thrilled him. Natsu's lips parted a little. Gray gave a quiet gasp, but there was nothing more, no tongue, just heat escaping those lips.
Then Natsu leaned up. Gray's face rose to follow the heat, enjoying the feel, yet the Dragon Slayer pulled back and gazed down. With tenseness in his brow, Natsu turned his face the other way as if ashamed by what he just did.
Gray swallowed, feeling his heart thumping hard. He wanted Natsu to kiss him more. Part of his mind was screaming, 'Wait a goddamn minute here! This is Natsu!' Yet another part of mind was whispering in a soft moan, 'This feels incredible. It feels right! I've been wanting this for so long. Don't let it end.'
Natsu looked back down. "Sorry, I … I didn't…" He looked ready to laugh, brush it all off as just teasing, a joke, don't think too seriously about it. Anything to stop Gray from fearing him and these taboo emotions inside his heart. Those words died on his lips when he saw the blush on Gray's cheeks and a small lick to his lips. Instead, he leaned over again. Their noses touched tenderly, and their lips barely caressed each other.
It was soft. Too soft! It almost felt like Natsu was trying to not kiss him with any seriousness. It was infuriating, almost getting that feeling, yet having Natsu pull back.
"Please," Gray sighed, and he tugged at his captured wrists. He wanted to wrap his arms around Natsu and pull him in closer.
Natsu took that pleading in a totally opposite way. He feared that Gray wanted to break away and shove him aside. Even if Gray did not really like this, Natsu's body was raging like a furnace now. He did not want to lose this chance, not yet! He possessively held the ice wizard down, leaned over, and kissed him ravenously. Even if it was a little forceful, he wanted to keep kissing.
Gray moaned. This rougher kiss affected his whole body. He trembled and burned inside. He pulled at his wrists again, wanting to grab Natsu and clutch onto him, fearing this was nothing more than another erotic dream.
Suddenly, Natsu yanked up and looked ready to vomit. This was wrong. This forcefulness … it was wrong! First those kisses when Gray was asleep, now tying him up and forcing him! He was horrible, the worst!
"Sorry, that was…" It was awful of him! He was scum!
Gray shivered with dread. Why did Natsu look like he wanted to throw up? Was kissing a man really that disgusting? He thought Natsu was an incredible kisser. Maybe he was the one who kissed bad.
"I … uh…" Gray could not think. He was in a panic. He wanted to confess it all, but Natsu had his fist pressed against his mouth. It must have truly been disgusting. Gray felt his heart crumbling.
"Sorry, I didn't mean…" Natsu panicked, let go of the scarf, and wrapped it around his neck again. "Sorry."
Gray glanced up worriedly. Didn't mean … to kiss him? Was this a mistake? He hated it! Natsu thought this was disgusting!
Gray realized, he had his answer, and it shattered his heart.
"Natsu…"
Slowly, fearing outright hatred, the Dragon Slayer timidly glanced down, only to be shocked. It did not look like Gray wanted to stop. His face did not look disgusted at all. His body smelled … incredible! Aroused! Natsu could feel for himself a stirring in the groin he was pressed against.
"Natsu … please…" He wanted more, but he did not want to force Natsu. If the Dragon Slayer did not like this, then Gray just wanted to leave here, go home, and cry alone.
It was like a fire in his heart but ice in his veins. Natsu gazed down with blazing desires.
"Gray," he whispered nervously. "I … I don't…"
Gray cringed. 'Oh God, don't say "I don't like this!" Not to my face. Not like this!'
Natsu saw the fear and desire in those eyes. How could he resist? "You're really pathetic," he whispered, and suddenly he dived down.
Gray tilted his chin up to lock his lips with Natsu's. Finally! This was the way Gray wanted to be kissed, with ardent meaning, not fleeting and half-hearted.
A moaning grunt escaped both of them as lips and teeth clashed in a battle. Gray felt Natsu's body make a slight thrust, and his own muscles tensed up in pleasure. He wrapped his arms around Natsu's hips and pulled him even closer, needfully. He wanted that heat against him. He craved this body. He had been wanting Natsu for so long.
Natsu had never felt like this before. He might have felt desires, dreamed intense fantasies, and had some not-so-innocent experimentation, but now … now his body moved on its own. He was waiting for Gray to get mad, pull away, shout, curse him, hate him, yet it never came. He kept expecting the worst, yet there was never any resistance. Although the embrace was cold, Natsu felt warmth spreading throughout his body. Having Gray kiss him back … it was too much!
He suddenly pulled away again with a jolt. It really was almost too much. If they kept this fervid passion going, he might lose all control, out here in the open. Part of him knew that they needed to stop, but instead he just looked down with uncertainty.
Was this even real? It was a dream! It had to be! Did Gray honestly even want this? The smell … the smell said yes, but those eyes were filled with conflicting emotions. Just what did Gray want? Natsu did not want to force him, but…
Damn, he wanted to claim this man!
Gray could not understand why Natsu kept pulling away. Did he want it or not? Was he disgusted? Was he merely teasing? That annoyed Gray. He did not want to be teased. He wanted…
He honestly had no clue what he wanted. He just did not want the warmth to go away.
Natsu's body was moving on its own again, pulling him down like an early sunset sinking into wintry hills. This time, when their lips locked together, Gray sighed quietly through his nose in a gentle and sweet sound. They shared open mouth kisses, but not to the extent of trespassing the other's mouth. No tongue, just lips, sometimes a gentle suck on the bottom lip until the other groaned. The kisses were warm and sweet, sensual and gentle for the most part. Then Natsu suddenly bit Gray's lip ever so slightly, and the pain shot straight down in an electric tingle to Gray's groin. He gasped and arched up. This was better than any dream!
Natsu pulled back so they could take a breath. A light blush brightened their cheeks as they stared into each other's eyes, questioning what this was, begging silently for answers, until…
Natsu had a moment of incredible clarity.
It was like, for once in his life, all the smoke cleared, and the spark that lit the initial flame was right there, visible, tangible, clear and obvious.
"Gray, I … I lo-…"
"Natsuuuuu!" Happy called, flying up the hill.
Their eyes widened. Natsu looked ashamed; Gray looked embarrassed. Natsu yanked away, fisting up his hand and pressing it against his mouth. Gray surreptitiously wiped the moisture from his lips as he sat up and dusted grass out of his hair.
'What the hell just happened?' The question was in both of their minds.
Natsu clenched his teeth to hold back curses, while Gray turned away, looking overwhelmed in shock. Amidst the awkward silence, Happy flew over.
"There you are! Are you both fighting?" Happy asked worriedly.
"Not anymore, Happy," Natsu grinned tensely. "We're just … uh … talking."
"We have to leave in an hour."
"Leave? Oh! Damn, I forgot about that mission."
As Natsu spoke to Happy, Gray hid half of his face behind his hand, feeling the heat in his cheeks and hoping he could hide it. His mind swirled in a cloud of dreamy desires. He shivered, although everything inside him felt like it was on fire.
'Seriously, what the hell just happened? We were … and I … I…'
"We're heading to the guild."
Gray jolted at the words directed toward him. Natsu was standing now with Happy resting on his shoulder. Both were staring down at him. Gray felt like somehow he had just fallen from grace.
"We're taking a mission." Natsu stretched a hand out to Gray with a hopeful smile. "Wanna come with us?"
It was more than just a casual question. It was an invitation for so much more, and Gray saw right through the words. He gulped hard. His mind was spiraling with what just happened. His chest pounded, and he knew his legs would start shaking if he tried to stand.
"Not yet," he whispered.
Natsu's hand slowly pulled back, and his gaze dropped to the side in disappointment. He was really hoping they could head back to the guild together, holding hands, showing to everyone that they were now a couple, and then do a mission together, just the two of them and Happy. He thought that was what the kiss meant. Gray had kissed him back! Didn't that mean anything? Yet as he looked down, he saw the trembling in the ice wizard's hands.
"Well, we'll be back in a day or two." He turned and began to walk down the hill, but he paused and looked back. "Gray?"
Frightened blue eyes gazed up.
Natsu smiled tenderly. "It was a really good fight."
He gulped hard. "Y-yeah. My loss."
"No, I lost myself, too. Sorry about that. Let's call it a tie. We're equals in this one." His eyes stared hard, letting Gray know he meant, not the fight, but in this relationship he was offering. They would be equals. He was offering so much in that simple statement.
Gray's face turned away in overwhelmed confusion. "If you insist."
"I don't insist," Natsu said sharply. "I'm offering."
Gray looked up in surprise. What did he mean? Would he be willing … even that? To bottom, if that was what Gray wanted? What did he even want? He had dreamed strange things, but top and bottom … he just didn't know yet! It was something to think about, and he was already overwhelmed with this new revelation.
Was Natsu even serious? Was he teasing? That kiss had been … strange.
Natsu still hesitated. He figured Gray definitely knew his feelings now. Natsu had to let him decide for himself. It was troublesome, feeling worried, dreading outright rejection, but he slowly turned aside and walked away.
"See ya. Find me when you're ready."
Gray sat there, covering his lips. He was shivering inside now that the warmth was gone. He stared at the grass fluttering in the wind, then up to the clouds in the sky, and finally out to the bay and the sparkling water beyond the Fairy Tail guild hall. His mind rushed as swiftly as a river, his heart floated like a cloud, and he felt rooted to the spot. He had thought about Natsu for so long, but now…
Now … what did all of this mean?
Overwhelmed, he slowly shook his head.
"I don't even know what I want yet," he whispered to himself.

Next Chapter: "Wounds Deeper Than Blood"
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Life After Near Death