The Key to My Heart

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 28
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: Found on gurabiteshiyon.net. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: Gravitation
Rating: R
Warnings: angst, bad language
Timeline: After the anime/manga finishes.
Characters: Yuki/Shuichi/Annette (OC)
Feedback: Feedback is always welcome! If I don’t get feedback, I don’t want to continue!
Summary: Just how far would Yuki go in search of Shuichi?
Author’s Notes: Nice to hear from some new readers. Welcome to ‘the soul’, Bookworm51485, Citizen Cobalt, Lustrous Jade, stupid little fan girl & RyuichiSakuma2. To my regular readers, it’s always a delight to hear from you all and I’m glad you’re still enjoying the story. I know a lot of people don’t seem to like Annette – but I don’t think she’s that bad! Apart from breaking up Shuichi and Yuki that is!
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’ , nor am I making any profits from this.


The Key to My Heart: Chapter 28


Shuichi looked at his watch. He was ten minutes early so he settled himself down in a patch of sun by the wall to wait for Annette. He hummed along to the music from his earpiece, the strains of Bad Luck’s songs like a familiar voice through his mind.

He was excited. He didn’t know if he was excited because he was going to see Yuki again today - and he was finding that as each day went by he wanted to see the man more and more, to talk to him, find out more; or was he excited that finally Annette was going to meet Yuki as well.

He was still feeling pumped up about this morning. Reading all that information about himself, about ‘Bad Luck’, about Yuki - everything had been incredible! It had seemed…familiar, and yet it had all been so new as well. Little pieces touched off a thought or a feeling, fragmented portions of his past trying to flash back into focus, too quickly for him to grasp fully. When he had played some video clips to his songs he was sure he could ‘see’ himself making them. Was it really memories, or just his over-active imagination? When he watched an excerpt from a concert, he could almost ‘feel’ the heat of the stage lights, the pounding rhythm rising through his feet, the roar of the crowd, the excitement flooding his body. It had been all he could do to stop himself jumping up in the library and start singing! Fortunately he had managed to restrain himself.

There had been a lot of photos of him and Yuki. Most of the stories dated from a few years ago, obviously at the beginning of their friendship. He had a flash of an image of the inside of an apartment. Could that have been Yuki’s apartment? Was that where the two of them had shared? Maybe, but he wasn’t sure. He could see a play-station on the floor of the lounge, and there was a coffee mug on the table nearby. For some reason the cup looked very familiar. Was it his, or one of Yuki’s? Or again, was he just imagining the whole thing?

He ground his teeth together. Stop it!, he thought sharply. Stop trying to drive yourself crazy. You know you can’t force it, so just leave it alone. He had been told a long time ago whilst he was still in hospital that if his memories were to return, he would have to accept they would do so in their own time. Nothing he did was going to hurry that process.

He took a deep calming breath. So the story about he and Yuki was still going, even after this long, was it? He would have thought the press would have got sick of it by now. Surely there must have been newer and more titillating scandals during this time! So why were he and Yuki still in the news? Admittedly, not as much as at the start, but it was still a little surprising.

He found himself smiling again. That was another weird thing. Whenever he thought about that story, whenever he saw or read about him and Yuki, he just couldn’t seem to help smiling. Did he really enjoy the game the two of them were playing on the public? He wasn’t sure that he liked that part of himself if that was the case, despite Annette’s reassurances.

On a more unnerving note, he had also found that whenever he had seen a photo of he and Yuki together, the ones where they were standing close to each other, especially the one where Yuki had his arm draped around his shoulders from his infamous national tv announcement that they were lovers, his heart had seemed to flutter in his chest like a frantic bird. Even now his cheeks flushed at the thought. And the image of him kissing Yuki on that cooking show – that just made his breath stop completely! When it had first appeared so unexpectedly on the screen as Annette had clicked onto it, the flush of warmth that had coursed through his body had been embarrassing! It had made his whole body tingle as he had felt a familiar heat begin to build deep in his belly, an ache that he knew only too well but was only used to feeling when he was with Annette. It must have been nothing more than the aftermath from the interplay with his girlfriend earlier that morning, and the promise of what the night would be. That must have been it.

He absently watched the people moving past him. He noticed the crowd increasing as more classes finished for the lunch break. He wondered what it would be like to go to University. Would he have enjoyed it? Would he have even been able to get in? He had a feeling that schooling wasn’t his strong point. It wasn’t that he didn’t like to learn, he loved new things, but if they didn’t interest him he knew that he tended to switch off a little. He had actually really enjoyed helping Annette sometimes with her studies and in doing so he had learnt a great deal. He hummed absently as another song began, still watching the campus world around him. Perhaps if he could find a music course he might enjoy going to University, he mused. That could be interesting. Hmm, perhaps he should look into it when he gets back.

He pulled himself up at that thought. Back? Back where? Where was he thinking of? He chewed his bottom lip, the music forgotten for a moment. Was he thinking of Japan? Had he already made up his mind that he was returning there? He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. But he liked it here! He didn’t /want/ to go back! Or did he? His hand stopped, still tangled in the longer hair at the back of his head.

He tugged lightly at a strand between his fingers, thinking. If he went back, what would be waiting for him? His band, his music, his family, his friends. Yes, all that would be there – but he didn’t remember them! Yes, he liked and now could remember the music of Bad Luck on the ipod, but he didn’t know if he could even write like that anymore! If he was the lyricist for the band he wouldn’t be doing them much good if he could no longer write!

If he went back, what would he be leaving? His jobs, his friends, his home, Annette. All those he did remember! He was still living them, they were real to him, in the here and now, tangible. He didn’t want to leave any of it!

Did he?

“Shu!” the call made him look up quickly, wrenched away from his churning thoughts. He saw Annette running across the courtyard towards him. He stood, waving to her. He deliberately put a smile on his face. He wasn’t going to worry Annette.

**************

Annette couldn’t concentrate on her morning class no matter how hard she tried. Her mind kept drifting back to the morning in the library, and all the things that she and Shu had discovered on the internet.

She was still quite stunned by it all. She had accepted that he had been in a band, so she expected that they might have done concerts and that sort of thing. After all, she had already seen what he was like performing; that was how they had met, when he was in Boston to play. So she knew he could perform, although she had noticed that he just seemed to….light up…so much more when he was singing any of the songs from ‘Bad Luck’. It must be because they were songs he had written so must have some kind of personal meaning for him.

However, for all that she had known he could perform and knew he was in a band, she truly hadn’t been prepared for what they had found. He was really big! The band was so popular, and Shu just stood out as their singer, so much larger than life. Looking at those photos and clips of him performing, she could see it was still Shu…and yet it wasn’t her Shu.

She chewed absently on the end of her pen, the drone of the lecturer nothing more than background noise. Shu had been pretty excited by it. She could see it in the way his eyes lit up - they honestly sparkled! It was something that had attracted her to him right at the start. He was just so honest and open! And he wore his heart on his sleeve, no matter how hard he tried not to. Every emotion he felt, it was there for all to see.

She knew that he was worrying about things even though he did try to hide it from her. She felt it in his touch, his small hesitations, a drop in his voice before he forced it back to cheerfulness. That just made her worry about him, which is why she suggested they come in this morning. Shu had to try and learn more about himself. That man, Yuki, had told him a lot of things, and she couldn’t see why he would have any reason to lie about it and Shu had seemed to explicitly trust this man as well, but it was better that they at least try to corroborate the story if they could. This morning had certainly done that – without any doubt.

She continued to stare off into space, her surroundings making no impression at all. She didn’t know how she felt now about everything. Shu was still Shu, but all of this, everything he had been before, where did that now fit in? She had to admit that she had felt a sharp stab of jealousy when they had come across the photo of him kissing Yuki. That had been a real shock, even though Shu had already told her about the pretense the two of them had been acting out for years.

I guess I just never thought that they would carry it that far, she thought. I mean, that is pretty serious stuff, kissing on a tv show where millions of people would see! She would have been mortified herself, but the two of them hadn’t seemed particularly bothered! Her lips quirked in a small smile to herself, I guess the two of them really are a couple of pranksters! What trouble they got themselves into over it all! I wonder if Shu really was okay with it and it didn’t bother him, if he just thought it was a game. Or did he have some reservations about pretending like he was? She sort of hoped that he hadn’t been completely okay with the lie. That wouldn’t be the Shu that she knew.

Why had she felt like that - seeing him kiss Yuki? She didn’t think she was the possessive or jealous type, she never had been before! So why this time?

She had to be realistic here. Shu would have had other girlfriends previously, before he had left Japan. She was absolutely positive that he hadn’t been a virgin when he met her! She felt her cheeks grow warm as she blushed at that thought. A delightful shiver ran up and down her spine. No, Shu was too good in bed to have been a virgin. There was no fumbling or uncertainty; he was gentle, and kind, and loving, and warm, and sexy and….

Another shiver shook her. Stop it! she scolded herself. Get your mind out of the bedroom and back on track!

She took a deep breath and refocused. So Shu would have had other partners before her. Obviously he hadn’t for a while, not since he had been acting out the story with Yuki – at least she hoped not. For one, if he had been pretending to be in a relationship with Yuki, whilst having a real girlfriend as well, that would be really horrible. Worse would be that he did have a girlfriend during that time and he hadn’t broken up with her before leaving Japan! Which means that he would still be in a relationship!!

Oh, no! Her mind spun frantically at this thought. What if that is the case? What if he’s got another girlfriend back in Japan waiting for him? Where would that leave her?

She blinked her eyes rapidly, feeling tears threatening to fall. She couldn’t start crying in class! She struggled to bring her emotions back under control. There was nothing in everything they had read this morning, and with as popular Shu and Yuki were, the media would have surely sniffed out if there had been a girlfriend hiding in the background! When Shu went missing over here, surely if he had a girlfriend she would have been frantic and been doing everything to try and find him! Annette knew that if the situation had been reversed she would have headed over to Japan to try and find him, she wouldn’t have just sat back quietly!

But no girlfriend had turned up, so therefore, there was no girlfriend. She felt herself calm a little as she was able to think things through more logically. She could always ask Yuki outright today. Shu probably hadn’t even though to ask such a question, knowing him, so she would ask. Yuki would be sure to tell them the truth.

The sudden flurry of movement around her brought her back to the present, and she looked up in surprise as students were standing, chattering together as they pushed by to make their way to the exit. It was over already! She was stunned, she had missed the entire lecture! She gathered her papers together and pushed them into her satchel with a sigh. She would have to try and borrow some one’s notes and find out what she had missed. She glanced at her watch as she stood. Shu was probably waiting for her already. Her stomach grumbled a little. She was looking forward to having some lunch!

*******************

Yuki opened his eyes and blinked. It was morning. At least he assumed it was morning. It was daylight anyway, of that he was certain. Unfortunately. He blinked again at the brightness filling the room. He hadn’t drawn the curtains across the balcony door and the sunlight was streaming in. He blinked again. Stupid sun! He rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His mouth felt furry as he ran his tongue over his dry lips. He grimaced. Guess it was time to get up.

He sat up, taking note of the rumpled state of his clothing, and wrinkled his nose in distaste. How gross could he get, he wondered, standing and immediately stripping his clothing from his body, not waiting to reach the bathroom. For good measure he even kicked the pile, the violent action making him irrationally feel a little better. Naked, he walked into the bathroom, looking forward to the feel of the shower.

He dressed with care this morning, shaving meticulously, brushing down his way-ward hair. He was going to be meeting Shuichi’s girlfriend today and he wanted to make certain that he didn’t put a foot wrong that would upset Shuichi. He continued to sip at the water bottle he had opened as soon as he got out of the shower, trying to get rid of the dry feeling in his mouth and throat.

He swayed a little, catching himself on the back of a chair. Not good, he thought. He’d better get some food into him fast. He placed an order for room service and then reached for his cigarettes as he sat shakily down. It wasn’t all just from the alcohol he had consumed, he had downed a few painkillers as well early on in the evening in an effort to quell his burning stomach. That mixture probably wasn’t doing his body much good now.

By the time he had finished both cigarette and bottle of water, there was a knock on the door indicating that his breakfast had arrived. He slowly made his way to the door and opened it, waving the hotel waiter inside, remaining where he was, leaning on the door until they had left. Only then did he carefully make his way back to the table to sit and eat. After the first few mouthfuls he felt his stomach settle a little and the burst of caffeine from two cups of coffee helped clear his head. Ah, that’s better!

He glanced at his watch. Two hours before he had to meet Shuichi. That gave him time to digest his meal, have another cigarette and sip more coffee at a leisurely pace, before making his way down to the waterfront. By that time he should be well and truly be awake and ready to face the day. And Shuichi’s girlfriend.

He toyed with the phone in his hand, turning it over and over. Finally he made up his mind and pushed a button. The stored number flashed up and he heard it ringing as he placed it at his ear.

“Hello?” Tohma’s voice sounded a little tired. He’d probably been up all night with something to do with NG, Yuki thought.

“Tohma.”

“Eiri!” Tohma’s voice immediately changed tone. Now it was pleased, although sounding a little surprised. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Sort of.”

“What is it?”

Yuki stubbed out his cigarette and took another swallow of coffee. “I need you to make certain that you sort some things out.”

“What? You know I’ll do what I can. It’s about Shindou, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. I don’t want him finding out about us.”

“Us? You and me?”

“No, you idiot!” Yuki snapped, though he immediately heard the soft chuckle. Damn the man, he was just baiting him! Yuki was hung over, his stomach hurt, and fucking Tohma was teasing him!

“I gather you mean you and Shindou then?”

“Of course, I do, jerk!”

“And just how do you expect me to do that?” Tohma asked, “You have both been in the news ever since you made your relationship public. It’s all over Japan. Not even I can make all that disappear, despite what you might think, Eiri.”

“I know that, I’m not stupid. I told him that was all just an act we were putting on for the press, and that they bought it.”

“You did what?!” Tohma gasped, shock echoing down the phone line.

“I said it was a lie.”

“Eiri, what on earth made you say that?! Why didn’t you just tell him the truth?”

Yuki pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He didn’t need Tohma reminding him that he had been an idiot. “It’s your fault.” he grated out.

“Eh?” Tohma’s voice sounded confused. “Just how is this my fault?”

“I couldn’t just blurt out the truth to him! The moron probably would have run off screaming in fright. He’s got a fucking girlfriend remember! How do you think he would react to suddenly getting told that he’s fucking as gay as they come, and been getting screwed by me all this time!”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Tohma said more calmly, “He might have found the idea quite…stimulating.”

Yuki growled. “Don’t be a dickhead.”

“Fine, so you lied. I’m still not quite certain how this equates to being my fault, but let us move on from that. So, what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to make sure that his family and the others don’t say anything different.”

“You want them all to lie as well?”

“Yes.” Yuki snarled. He reached out and jerked another cigarette from the pack.

“Well, I guess I can ask them to do that.”

“I’m sure you wont have any trouble getting his family to go along with it. They’ll be more than delighted for their darling boy to forget he’s a queer!”

“Eiri, Eiri,” Tohma chided gently. “I’ve said this before, but I think you are being very unfair in your judgment of their feelings towards your relationship with Shindou.”

“Yeah, whatever, just make certain that they don’t screw it up.”

“Be assured I will speak with them and explain things.”

“And make certain that those other fucking idiots don’t spill anything when they come over. They’re such screw-ups they’re just as likely to dump it all in his lap and that will be it. Just remind them that if they scare him off about anything, he’s not likely going to want to go back to Japan so they’ll be down one lead singer. That should get their attention.”

“I’ll make certain that they understand the circumstances. Anything else?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, really? What could it be, Eiri? You would like me to stop the sun also?”

“You’re a real jerk, you know that?”

“Only you ever tell me so, Eiri. Oh, and Mika. It must run in the family.”

“Huh!” Yuki snorted. Tohma was quite right; not about it running in the family, but that only he and Mika would call him a jerk. No one else would dare call Tohma Seguchi anything like that! “Anyway, if you’re quite finished with the comedy routine, I want you to organize an apartment for Shuichi.”

“An apartment?”

“Yeah. I told him that it was pretty much just a pretense with him staying at my place, and that he only stayed there as much as was necessary to keep the story going. So he’ll expect to have his own place. Get him a place, and have his family put some of his stuff in it so if he goes back with them it will seem like it’s his.”

“Eiri,” Tohma’s voice was serious. “Are you sure you know what you are doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“The more you develop this lie. The more you create and build, the harder it will be to break it with the truth. The lie could become reality. Is that really what you want?”

Yuki’s heart squeezed in his chest, cutting off his breath for a moment. He could feel the pounding of his blood in his temples. Is that what he wanted? Of course, it fucking wasn’t! He didn’t want this lie! He wanted the truth, the truth of how things used to be. He wanted Shuichi back with him!

But it wasn’t like that. The truth was already gone, replaced with new memories, and a girlfriend in a foreign country. This was the truth now. This was the truth that he was fighting against. All he could think of was that he had to at least get Shuichi back in Japan. Once he was there, Yuki could try and come up with something else, but he had to get the youth back home, back into familiar surroundings and away from all this strange new world he had created for himself. So Yuki would try and fight this truth with smoke and mirrors, lies and false relationships, anything to have Shuichi come home.

“Just do it.” he dragged out.

He heard Tohma’s soft sigh. “Alright, leave it with me. I’ll make certain everything is arranged. Are you right to pick up Shindou’s family tomorrow?”

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

“Okay then, call me after they meet and let me know how it went.”

“Whatever.”

“Eiri?”

“Yes?”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” Tohma said matter-of-factly. “I can tell, but there’s not much I can do from here. Try and take care of yourself. And for gods’ sakes, go to the doctors!” and with that parting comment, he hung up.

Yuki tossed the now silent phone onto the bed, leaning back, cigarette dangling from his lips. How the hell did Tohma know?

*******************

Shuichi could see Yuki’s golden head already seated at a table. The man looked up at that moment, and Shuichi waved happily. Yuki reached up and took the cigarette from his mouth, resting it on the edge of the ashtray before him, watching as they approached. Shuichi smiled broadly in greeting.

“Hi! Hope we didn’t keep you waiting long?”

“Not at all.” Yuki replied, motioning them to take a seat.

Shuichi held Annette’s chair as she sat, before sitting himself. Yuki felt a flash of surprise, and jealousy. He was surprised at Shuichi’s gallant gesture, that touch of chivalry. He hadn’t known that Shuichi had it in him.

He dropped his eyes so the two opposite him wouldn’t see the anger he felt. Why did he feel jealous, he thought, as he stubbed the cigarette out. It’s not like he wanted Shuichi to be holding a chair for him! He wasn’t a fucking invalid that he couldn’t manage to sit down by himself! Calm, he snarled at himself. Calm down, and don’t piss him off.

He looked back up, hoping his face was composed once more. “You didn’t meet properly the other night,” Shuichi was saying, “But this is Annette.”

Annette held out a hand across the table. “Pleased to meet you.” she said.

Yuki hesitated a bare fraction of a second, before shaking her hand in return. “Likewise.” he said a little sharply, and withdrawing his hand as quickly as he could without being too rude. Annette gave him a piercing look, head cocked a little to one side. Yuki wondered what she was thinking.

“So, are you feeling ready for tomorrow?” Yuki asked, as menus were passed to them.

Shuichi shrugged a little. “As well as I can be. I’m still feeling pretty nervous. I think I just want it to be over with now. The waiting is the worst part!”

“You’ll be fine.” Annette said, looking over at him with a smile. “I’m sure they’re going to be just wonderful. After all, you’re their son and I think you’re pretty great!”

Shuichi smiled broadly at her and laughed. “Well, I don’t mind the flattery anyway! Let’s eat, I’m famished!”

They placed their orders and talked as they waited. “We looked up the internet this morning.” Shuichi said to Yuki.

“Oh?” Yuki raised an eyebrow in query.

“We couldn’t believe how much was on there about us. I mean, ‘Bad Luck’.”

“And us.” Yuki confirmed.

Shuichi squirmed in his seat a little, embarrassment showing in every move. “Yeah,” he finally admitted. “I was a bit surprised about it all.”

“Told you it was big news.”

“You weren’t kidding. Japan must be pretty dull if that’s all they can find interesting to write about!”

Yuki lit another cigarette and shrugged. “It’s what ever sells for them.”

“Guess so.”

Their orders arrived and they began to eat. Shuichi noted that Yuki wasn’t talking as much as he had previously when they had been together. He wondered if the man was feeling shy with Annette there. He hadn’t thought that Yuki would have been the shy type, but perhaps he was. After all, Annette was a complete stranger to Yuki, whereas the two of them already knew each other. That was probably it. Well, if that was the case, he would just have to keep the conversation flowing nice and easy to make certain Yuki felt at ease!

Annette looked at the man seated opposite them. He was certainly handsome, she could well acknowledge that. Anyone who said he wasn’t, you just knew they had to be lying. But there was something…..hard about him. Perhaps he was just naturally shy and withdrawn, despite being famous. Not like Shu! This man really didn’t smile at all. At least he hadn’t in all the time she had been there.

However, she had noticed how intently Yuki watched Shu. Every word, every move Shu made, Yuki seemed to take note of. Obviously this man did know Shu really well, he was far more at ease and comfortable speaking with him. It was when he had to try and include herself in the conversation that he seemed to become withdrawn again.

The two men really seemed so…at ease with each other, she thought watching them, her eyes flicking from one face to the other. They could look into each other’s eyes without flinching, half leaning towards each other across the table. It was almost as though they made a tiny little bubble of ‘togetherness’ right there. It made her feel a little left out, and again a tiny tendril of jealousy wriggled in her heart. She didn’t like there being someone else that seemed to be able to connect so strongly with Shu, the way she did!

She then noticed Yuki looking at her with those pale eyes. They were so intense. She shivered a little. She was attracted to him, but it felt a little too much like the attraction a moth had to the flame. It was very, very beautiful….and completely suicidal.

She unconsciously leant in closer to Shu, seeking his comforting presence. She relaxed a little when she felt his arm slide around her shoulders. Glancing up at him, he flashed a quick smile towards her, without interrupting the conversation he was having with Yuki. She let out a little sigh. Yuki might be truly attractive, so you couldn’t help but think how gorgeous he was, but Annette would rather have Shu’s warmth, caring, and cheerfulness any day!

Besides, as far as she was concerned, Shu could well and truly give Yuki a run for his money in the good-looks department! She reached out and threaded her fingers through one of Shu’s hands, feeling his fingers automatically wrap around hers with a welcoming pressure. She felt happy. Yes, she would take Shu any day.

Yuki hated to see it. He hated to see this girl, this Annette, lean in close to Shuichi, to look up at him so familiarly. Even worse, he hated how Shuichi put his arm around her, how he smiled at her in that sweet way of his. Yuki knew he was reassuring her about Yuki’s behaviour. Yuki thought he could probably charm her, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want her to like him. He didn’t want to have anything to do with her. He certainly didn’t want to have to be nice to her! But he was also careful not to be too cold either. He didn’t want to alienate Shuichi, and this girl was very important to him. It was just so damn hard!

There was no helping it. Tomorrow, Shuichi’s family would be arriving. Two day’s later, the band. It was a nerve-raking time for Shuichi, and he was relying on this girl to help him through it all. No doubt Shuichi’s parents were going to love Annette.

Tohma had called him back briefly just before Shuichi and Annette had arrived and assured him that he had got Shuichi’s family’s word of honour that no mention of Yuki and Shuichi’s relationship would be mentioned, except in the way to support it was sham. It was better that way. It had surprised him at how easily the lie had come, yet at the same time just how difficult.

Easy because he had drawn on how Tohma had managed to fool not only Japan, but the rest of the world as well. It would be easy enough to keep Shuichi convinced of it, especially as he doesn’t remember anything to contradict the story. Everyone who really knew the truth had already agreed to be a party to the lie so there would be plenty of corroboration for the story. As for the rest of the world, well, they could insist it was all only rumours and hear-say cooked up by the media and none of it based of real fact. So it had been so terribly easy to give life to the lie.

It had been truly difficult because Yuki wanted nothing more than for Shuichi to remember the truth, and for things to go back to the way they had been before.

Annette tugged on Shu’s hand as she stood. “I’ve got to get back to Uni.” she said, throwing a brief glance at Yuki, before looking back at Shu. “You can stay, if you like.”

He stood hurriedly. “No, that’s fine. I’ll walk you back.” He smiled at her and she smiled back, a little relieved. Shu turned to look at Yuki, “Thanks for lunch. It’s been good to catch up again.” Annette moved off, weaving between the tables and Shu turned to follow.

Yuki stood, moving around the table. He didn’t want Shuichi to go yet! He reached out quickly, wrapping long fingers around Shuichi’s wrist. “But…” and halted as Shuichi wrenched the hand free from his grip with a violent twist. Yuki’s heart broke, right then and there. The youth couldn’t even stand for him to touch him. He fought against the prickling of tears behind his eyes. He wouldn’t let Shuichi know how much that hurt him. He let his hand fall limply back to his side. “Never mind.” he said, beginning to turn away. He had to get out of here.

As Yuki’s hand had clasped around his wrist, Shuichi felt a jolt of feeling rush through his body. It was like a burst of electricity; streaming along every nerve, tingling over his skin, cascading through his mind, and almost making his heart hurt. It was so intense, so raw, so…..unexpected, that he jerked away from the man, surprise and shock making him react in a manner he hadn’t intended. What was that…..?

He looked at Yuki, eyes wide, trying to calm his pounding heart, to shake off the feeling that was still coursing through his senses, a feeling he couldn’t name. Had he offended the man? He didn’t want to do that. Yuki probably thinks he was being so rude, just an inconsiderate brat. Looking at Yuki’s expressionless face, he couldn’t see any sign of anger or disgust. Perhaps the man hadn’t really noticed the way he had behaved? But there was something in his eyes as he said, “Never mind.” and began to turn away.

“Wait!” Shuichi cried, half raising a hand as though to reach out and touch Yuki, but remembering the shock he had just experienced, letting it go no further.

Thankfully, he saw Yuki pause at his call. He let out a breath of relief, one he hadn’t realized he had been holding. If Yuki had walked away from him then, he didn’t know what he would have done.

Why….why was he feeling like this? When did Yuki’s good opinion and good-will become so important to him? How could this man have come to mean so much to him in just a matter of a few days?

He guessed they had been close before, perhaps that’s why. This man mattered to him. How this man thought of him really mattered to him, and if he did anything that he thought would upset or hurt Yuki, it made his head hurt and his heart ache. The man was…important.

Although Yuki had stopped moving away from him, he still hadn’t turned back to look at Shuichi. He swallowed against the lump forming in the back of his throat. “Could I…..” he tried again. “Could you….come and see me tonight?”

He hadn’t known he was going to say that. He hadn’t intended to try and see Yuki again today, but for some reason it was the first thing that came out of his mouth. There was a long moment of stillness, whilst Shuichi stood breathless, waiting for Yuki’s answer.

Finally Yuki slowly turned his head to look at him. His eyes were intense, bright and filled with some emotion that burned, burned so brightly that Shuichi felt his breath catch in his constricting chest. However, for all that intensity, Shuichi still couldn’t understand what the emotion was he was seeing. All he knew was it made him feel warm – warm all over.

“What time?” Yuki’s rough voice startled him out of his introspection and he realized that he must have been stating at Yuki the whole time.

He blushed, turning his face away to try and hide it from the man before him. He couldn’t let Yuki see just how stupidly he was behaving. It would no doubt irritate him, and make him realize that why should he, a famous novelist, hang around some uncouth, amnesiac pop-star.

“Uhm, about 10pm? I’ll try and see if I can get off early, but I won’t know till I get there.”

“Fine.” Yuki replied turning away again. “I’ll see you later.”

“Ah, sure. See ya.” and Shuichi sadly watched Yuki’s tall figure stride away, before turning himself to head home.

His shoulders slumped as he walked. He had made Yuki mad, he was sure of it. Probably tonight Yuki will tell him that there’s no point seeing each other again. After all, Yuki only came here to find him, and he had. Now, with Shuichi’s family and the band all coming over to see him, Yuki really doesn’t need to be here any more. Probably the man wouldn’t even bother turning up at all, once he’d had time to think about it more. The thought of not seeing Yuki was enough to almost make him cry. He angrily brushed at his watering eyes. Why? Why was he like this?

Yuki’s hands shook as he lit his cigarette. As soon as he had turned a corner that would take him out of Shuichi’s sight, he had leant back against the brick wall with a shuddering breath, trying to clamp down on the burning in his chest and eyes. Bawling in public was not an option – no matter what the circumstances.

He took a deep drag, drawing the smoke into his lungs, holding it there for a moment, and then releasing it slowly. He took another deep breath, trying to gain some equilibrium again.

Gods, that had hurt! To see Shuichi pull away like that. The boy couldn’t even stand to be touched by him. Did he dislike Yuki that much? Or were some deep buried memories inside Shuichi making him react like that? Was it the boy’s subconscious telling him that Yuki had caused him so much hurt and pain in the past so don’t let him get near him again? Could that be it? He had had to turn away quickly so Shuichi wouldn’t see the hurt on his face, so he wouldn’t see the revulsion on the boy’s.

Then…then Shuichi had asked him to meet him tonight. He had been surprised. More than that, his heart had leapt with joy. Shuichi said he wanted to still see him. But why…why had the boy asked that? Did he want to tell Yuki to go away, to leave him alone? Surely he could have done that just now and got it over with. Or perhaps Shuichi would rather do it in a crowded club so even if Yuki did make a scene it wouldn’t be too obvious in the crush of bodies, noise and darkness. Yes, that was probably it. Trying to say something like that now, in broad daylight, left you open to having an audience to a possibly emotional outburst, which Shuichi no doubt wanted to avoid.

Yuki dropped the butt to the ground with a grimace. Should he bother going then? If Shuichi just wanted to tell him to go away then he could figure that one out for himself judging from the boy’s reactions to him. If that is the case he could do exactly that, without putting himself through the emotional wringer of having rejection thrown in his face, and it done in public no less. So maybe he just shouldn’t bother going at all.

He pushed away from the wall and continued to walk back to the hotel. But he wanted to see Shuichi so much!