Choices

AN: When I started this, I honestly NEVER saw this fic becoming so long, it overshot anything I had planned by about 15 chapters. That much. But I've honestly enjoyed writing this so much, and I hope I will see you in my new fic which will come out soon, I'll give the summary and stuff at the end of the epilogue.

Suggested listening: -A Dying Star by In This Moment (lovely song, fits the chapter)

-Fireflies (light messengers) by Saosin (I LOVE this song, though it holds a rather sad feel to me. It's long though, nearly 9 minutes. But I find it fits parts of this chapter well if you listen to it)

-Someday by Rob Thomas (last 600 words written to it, kind of ironic)

Chapter Twenty-Six: Memories

Everything was blurred as he opened his eyes and he was forced to turn his head and blink a few times, away from the bright lights, before he even attempted to sit up.

He had a splitting headache, borderline migraine he'd say, and groaned as he rolled into a seated position; though he hunched over as the nausea took hold. He bit his lip and tried to remember how he'd gotten like that.

His eyes widened. Mikami!

"Fuck." he swore at the realization that Kira would now have Mello as a bargaining chip to use against L.

"I believe that is a correct summarization of our current situation." Matt whipped his head to the side at L's voice, but immediately regretted it as his stomach lurched and he puked over the side of the bed.

He managed to only do that once, lips parted with saliva and grime, despite the way his stomach continued to clench and unclench painfully.

"What the hell happened... why did I...before?" he let the question hang in he air as he took in deep breaths as L called for the doctor, and someone to clean up the mess.

"Sensory overload. You simply had too many things going on in your head at once and it was too much for you to handle." a different, yet all too familiar, voice told him. Matt had no doubt that it was the truth.

He knew everything. Had all of his memories, but he didn't really remember the moment when he actually got them back, it was all a blur.

"Mello?" he questioned as he accepted the cup of water that was held out to him, he rinsed his mouth, but didn't drink any of the water beforehand. There was a small silence, but for Matt, it told him everything he needed to know.

"I believe that there will be no lasting effects from the episode, as everything should be sorted out in your head by now, for the most part. I would suggest that you take it easy for a while, but somehow I doubt I would be listened to." the doctor sighed and walked off, as it was apparent that there were things that needed to be discussed, but not with him around.

L said nothing more until the floor had been cleaned and that man had also left the room.

"Kira does indeed have Mello in his possession." L began, though Matt had already grasped that.

"The man who took him stated that both of us are to go to the new base and meet with Kira. I believe that was Kira's intention the entire time should that man fail to kill me, and perhaps you as well."

"Mikami. His name is Teru Mikami." Matt told L, and was able to lift his head rather than leave it to hang by his chest; though he was slow in his movements so as to not bring back the vicious reaction he'd had before.

"I believe you should tell me everything, now that you remember it, before we go and retrieve Mello." L's eyes held a cold fury, and Matt knew it was all directed at Light.

Matt explained everything he felt was relevant that he hadn't been able to the first time around, as well as what to expect assassin wise, though he did speculate that Light may have changed things around because of his knowledge.

L told him that he would make the arrangements for transportation, as the base was located in Los Angeles, California. They would have quite a trip ahead of them.

Matt had found out from Watari, who had come to bring him a spare change of clothes, that L had chased after Mikami the second he had dragged Mello out of sight, but that they had seemingly disappeared into thin air as the hallway and all nearby rooms had been empty.

Matt also found out that he and L would indeed, be going alone. As Mikami had stated that if anyone else was spotted anywhere in the nearby vicinity that could be associated with them, that Mello would be killed. Though if things went badly, and it looked as though they would be killed, Watari was only a phone call away.

Matt had clenched his fists at that and Watari had left him alone after a small pat on the shoulder.

He did not get his memories back just to lose Mello to Kira, who had messed things up in the first place.

Matt knew that he wasn't in top physical shape, not in the least, but at least he knew what moves would be helpful in detaining someone should the need arise while in there. And he hoped it did, because he would be damned if they just sat around while Light killed the three of them.

If he hadn't already hated Light, the Mello situation would have done it.

Matt slowly got himself upright and onto his feet and made his way to the infirmary bathroom where he took a quick shower just to rid himself of that sickly feeling that lasted after having thrown up.

L was there when he exited and by an unspoken agreement, Matt knew it was time to leave. Matt didn't have time to go grab his games, though he doubted he would have played them at any rate.

Though he was relieved to find that Watari had brought his cigarettes with him; those were not something Matt could function without at the moment. His nerves were completely shot, and his stomach knotted with worry and anticipation.

It would be a long flight to Los Angeles.

-

Matt's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as he rolled the car into a stop. He glanced in the backseat and saw that L had dropped his feet to the floor, hand on the door handle. Matt took one last drag of his cigarette and stubbed it out in the ash tray and pushed his door open.

As he stood and stretched he thought back to his and L's conversation on the plane.

Watari had only come with them to fly the plane, and stay with it, so it had left the two of them to figure out a plan, or in that case, not figure one out.

Matt had hoped that L would have had something thought out for their confrontation with Kira, but as with everything that pertained to the Kira mess, it wasn't that simple. L had explained that he only had the most general idea, as what they would do would depend on the situation they were about to head into, and since neither of them really knew anything, nothing could be planned until they were inside and had somewhat assessed the situation.

But L had also stated that it was sometimes better to just improvise, as the mind tended to freeze, even for a second, when things did not go according to plan. And every second counted with Kira.

Matt couldn't help but agree completely.

The main thing L had said, was not to endanger themselves or Mello if it could be helped, as Mello couldn't be saved if they were dead. Which Matt had to agree with. And as Mikami had specified that only Matt and L were to go, Matt was in charge of having to drive them over there; he supposed it was a good thing he'd learned to drive years ago, as L had apparently never learned.

Matt looked over at L, who for once had donned a pair shoes, and lit his last cigarette. He wished Watari had brought more than six packs with him, as he had smoked them rather quickly.

It was probably a good thing they had arrived or Matt would have been so anxious after the nicotine ran out that his mind would have been useless. He hated when things affected him so much...

They reached the end of the gravel road and Matt looked up at the warehouse that loomed above them. It was similar to the one that had housed their HQ, or rather his previous HQ. He pulled the rusted steel doors open and sighed heavily at the amount of noise they caused.

He watched as L still appeared slightly surprised to find the entire place empty. Completely barren. Though he had told L that it would be. With his experience, Matt knew that the main complex would be underground.

Matt stepped inside; there was no use in looking for traps as it was too dark to see anyway. If Light had wanted them dead, Matt knew that someone would have waited for them and shot them the moment he'd opened the warehouse door.

He didn't need to tell L what to look for, as it had been covered earlier, so the two of them scanned the dusty floor until L found very faint lines on the floor. Matt felt around until he found the hidden latch that opened up a small panel where one would type in their alias and ID number.

Matt knew that Light would make it easy for them to get in, so he entered his and was unsurprised as the large panel on the floor began to shift back to show a steep set of stairs.

"Down we go into the rabbit hole..." he muttered and took the steps by twos as L followed at a somewhat slower pace.

It was pitch black by the time they reached the last step and it stayed that way until the panel above them slid back into place, at which point a light went on above them and Matt was able to find the second keypad to retype the previous ID number onto it.

A loud click echoed in the confined space but Matt knew it was just the lock on the door having been undone. He grasped the handle and tilted it to the side and the door swung inward and they were assaulted with a crisp beige colored hallway with a maroon carpet.

There was no sound at all, and both ends of the hallway were empty, and Matt guessed that the rest of them would be too. "He's playing with us like were are rats in a maze. It's all a game to him." he mumbled, though he doubted that L hadn't heard him.

"Then we will just have to win his game." L responded quietly, thumb perched by his lips.

"My guess would be that he is watching us, and will send people after us according to where we go. Though I doubt they have been ordered to kill us just yet, probably just detain, as I suspect Light will want to do that himself." Matt told L.

Matt really wished he had a gun or a knife on hand...

"And if this is anything like the other compound, the part we are in should lead you in a circle if you only go right or only left, depending on the way you take, and the holding cells should be somewhere along the way. There would be a large gray door marked 'containment'." Matt said while he dragged in the last mouthful of poisonous smoke and crushed the filter under heal.

"If it is the same." L stated. Matt nodded. There was no guarantee that Light had kept things the same or even similar. Hell, 'containment' there could lead to the damn bathroom knowing Light and how he liked to mess with people.

"Meet you at the other end?" he asked the detective. L cocked his head to the side in thought for a moment before he nodded.

"Make sure you are there." L commented as he took off down the left side with his awkward and strange run. Matt smiled slightly. Why was it hard for everyone he knew just to come out and say what they meant normally?

He turned and started down the right side but didn't bother to look into any of the rooms there as the door would have been very easy to spot, and was not kept so close to the exit. Who would honestly keep their prisoners so close to a way out?

Not that they would have been able to find a way out with Light's design. It was made to confuse a person if they were not familiar with it, and even if you had lived there for years wrong turns were a normal occurrence.

It had been like living in a fun house from hell at times.

Matt turned left at the corner and ducked the boot that had been aimed at his head. He caught the leg, in a rather delayed manner, and managed to bring the person to the ground. He backed up slightly as the person flipped upwards and their fist connected with his jaw.

Matt was unsteady on his feet but still managed to elbow the person in the gut and grab a fistful of their hair to drag them close, he snapped their neck at his earliest convenience and was left to lean against the wall, winded.

Well that went well, he thought to himself.

He didn't even recognize the body that lay there, which meant it was not even someone skilled, and his limbs already burned. Couldn't Light have waited until he'd gotten into shape again, or not gone after L at all?

That also meant that agents like Mikami and Takada were guarding Mello. Matt sucked in a heavy breath and forced himself further down the new hallway and hoped that L wasn't in any trouble.

The hallways for the circle, though it was really more of a square, were always long and at least three people wide. He didn't spot L as he rounded the last corner and even as he neared two large and looming red doors, L still hadn't appeared.

Matt hoped it meant he'd found the holding cells.

He knew L would look for him should he not be there in the hallway when he appeared, but Matt recognized the red doors in front of him. It was Light's 'thrown room' as they had taken to having it called. Even though Light had hardly spent anytime in the previous HQ, he had liked his luxuries. He had apparently recreated it in the new HQ as well.

And that room had been where he 'passed judgment' on those who betrayed him or those he had asked to be captured. Just because he employed assassins didn't mean the assassins didn't know how to capture instead of just kill.

He narrowed his eyes as the doors opened on their own. Light had to be in there, as the controls for the door were on the thrown chair, and only Light was allowed to sit there. The last idiot to sit there, who hadn't been Light, had died a gruesome death.

Matt backed up as the doors continued to open outward and once they had finished he peered around the side to see Light seated in the chair, a smug grin etched across his lips.

"I hadn't actually thought you would come here first, in fact I had thought you would have gone to get that boy back." Light called to him and Matt grit his teeth as he walked inside.

Light had one elbow propped on the left arm of the large chair and rested his cheek against it while the other sat in his lap. He looked completely at ease, like a god that looked down at a lesser being brought before him.

Matt had always hated that condescending air about him.

Matt might have also neglected to mention to L that Light might be that close to the holding cells.

"You know Matt, I was actually surprised when Kiyomi raised her suspicions about you as you had been one of my top agents. One that I had plucked straight from the streets by my own good graces." Light sneered.

"There is nothing good with a man like you." Matt snorted in amusement. Though he wouldn't deny that Light could have left him in the crappy gutter that he'd been found in, where he'd only had an outdated computer, the clothes on his back and the bruises on his body.

But he'd had only just lost his things in a street fight, he would have hacked the money back and gotten on his feet again, but Light had offered him an easier way out.

"Oh? I rid the world of some of the most corrupt people there are, and I'm no good?" Light's voice held mockery and Matt wondered how he'd ever dealt civilly with him before.

"You are just as bad as the people you have murdered." Matt saw Light's eyes narrow, and wondered if it was really such a good idea to walk much further into the room, though should Light decide to shut the doors he was already in too far to get out in time.

"You are under the assumption I know nothing about the real reason you want L dead. Or the dealings you do with other criminals. A few somewhat good deeds doesn't make you a saint." Matt told the brunette calmly, though he felt anger boil just beneath the surface. But that was the difference between himself and Mello; he knew when to control it.

"Some sacrifices must be made, I admit. But L had gotten in the way of some very important deals. I need the information those clients possessed."

"And what about the orphanage and the children in it? Surely it wasn't necessary to order an entire sweep?" he noted the way Light's jaw tightened and his posture stiffened. He was angry that Matt was not falling to his logic, that he dared question Light.

"No one is innocent if they get in my way." Light ground out. Matt smiled and shook his head. And there he had it, straight from the lion's mouth. It amazed him just how deluded Light was, or perhaps it was how messed up he was.

He heard footsteps and turned to see L, who stood in the doorway, though he was alone.

"I took care of the surprise that was left for me in the containment area, as well as freed Mello." L stated calmly as he walked over to Matt. He felt so very relieved that Mello was alright, or at the very least alive.

"Mello is currently letting everyone else in the containment area out, as despite their shady dealings as politicians, they are not criminals and are innocent." L said loudly, and Matt couldn't help the feeling of satisfaction at the look of outrage on Light's face.

"I have no doubt that once Mello is done there that he will indeed find his way here." L told him quietly.

"I should have sent Takada; at least she would have shot you!" Light spat at L. Though Matt knew the reason he hadn't sent Takada was because Mikami had a better record when it came to completed missions.

Though Mikami refused to use a gun, thought it was too messy or some crap like that.

Light stood up from his chair and calmly stepped down the three small steps and before Matt could even blink he and L were at each others throats. Matt backed away as he didn't want to get caught in the middle of it.

He noticed that L had managed to kick off his shoes, as the foot that connected with Light's chin was devoid of any footwear.

Though Matt had never actually seen Light fight he knew from secondhand accounts that he was pretty good. And from what he'd seen before of L, he was very good. Or overconfident...

It had seemed that they had been evenly matched, despite the amount of hits they landed on one another, but it soon became apparent that Light would loose. Light would lose and L would arrest him.

At least until Light had pulled out a gun.

Bang

L flew backwards and hit the ground with a roll and managed to land in a crouch nearly halfway across the large room. Blood stained his white shirt from his left shoulder and spread rapidly downwards. Light had always been a terrible shot. Though Matt's heart had still leapt into his throat.

"You see L, my justice will prevail." Light stated with a grin as he raised the gun again and despite Light having poor aim, there would be no missing L the next time even as L tensed to move.

Matt slammed into Light's side and the gun went off three feet to L's left as they tumbled to the floor. Light had let go of the gun and now scrambled to reach it and almost did until Matt dug his knee into Light's back.

Light growled and twisted until Matt was off balance enough for him to stretch the last few inches and wrap his fingers around the gun. "Fuck!" Matt swore and grabbed Light's arm to keep the aim away from L.

Light backhanded him and though dazed Matt hadn't let go. "Let go damn you!" Light yelled and shoved him the rest of the way to the floor. Matt kicked Light's legs out from under him the second he stood and the newly righted man was sent back to the floor with a curse.

Matt jumped onto him and pinned one hand above his head though the other hand was already between their bodies. There was a moment of deafening silence and all movements stopped.

Light held a smug grin and Matt was almost too dazed to feel the pain that exploded from his chest. He swayed and was shoved away from Light and onto his back. He coughed lightly but smirked as L took that moment to pin Light to the floor and handcuff him, gun having been kicked far away from the brunette. Light began to spout about the injustice of everything but Matt tuned him out.

He looked away from L and rolled to his side as he coughed; the harsh metallic taste that invaded his mouth that could only be blood. His heart raced pathetically in his chest only speeding up the flow of blood when what he really needed was for it to slow.

Damn, getting shot certainly hurt like hell.

He pulled his goggles away from his eyes, the lenses proving too difficult to see through anymore.

And Matt could only laugh weakly at the irony of the situation, second time shot and the first time should have been fatal, and yet this time...

"Matt!" his eyes snapped opened, though he hadn't noticed when they'd shut, at the familiar voice. He was so tired; it was a bad sign. "Mel.." he whispered and tried to prop himself up on one elbow but didn't seem to even have the strength to do that.

"Mel? Does that mean you remember?!" Matt couldn't help but smile at Mello's delighted tone, despite the fact that blood pounded in his ears and he could feel his heart rate slow.

"Matt, what's wrong? How badly are you injured?" Mello kneeled beside him with a worried frown. Though had anyone pointed out the 'worried' part Matt was sure the blonde would have denied it. Mello had to have spotted the growing stain that had turned his shirt into a red colored mess.

"Oh god.."

Matt smiled weakly at his best friend, twice over, and the person he loved.

Mello tugged off his jacket and used it to press against the gushing wound. "Hang in there Matty... you'll be fine..." tears welled up in his beautiful blue eyes, and for once Matt saw what the blonde tried so hard to keep hidden. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, and knew it had to have been some huge cosmic joke that Mello loved him too.

He lifted his blood coated hand and gently touched the scared side of the blonde's face and kept them there despite the tears that fell onto them. "Mello, I love you." and maybe it was cruel of him to tell the blonde that he loved him, as Matt knew it could only end badly for Mello at this point. But he felt Mello ought to know.

He felt he owed it to his best friend, his first love and someone he had been happy to be around.

Things didn't make too much sense anymore, and he wished, beyond anything, that he'd had the courage to tell Mello long before that moment.

He really wished things had worked out differently...

-

Mello's inside froze as Matt's green eyes fluttered a few times, unspoken words resting on his lips, before the lids slowly closed shut. Matt's blood slicked fingers slipped from his face and left a downwards smear. Mello sucked in a breath and tried to hold back a choked sob.

"Matt?" he croaked; the words having gotten stuck in his throat.

"Matt, please don't..." he quickly checked for a pulse, though somewhere in the very back of his mind he had known there wouldn't be one, and felt his world stop at the dead pulse.

"Damn it Matt I love you too... you can't..." he whispered harshly and hunched over Matt's bloodied body and cried into his shoulder. His fingers gripped harshly at the blood matted fabric but it only made him clench it tighter between his fingers.

He closed his eyes and blocked out the world.

He ignored L who stood silently by his side, with his sad eyes, and he ignored the fact that the body beneath him had stopped moving minutes before.

If he could only ignore it all for a little bit longer...

Maybe he wouldn't go crazy.

-End Memories-

AN: So honestly, who cried? *raises hand*

You have absolutely no idea how difficult it was to write the last 600 words, but I think I did ok. I'd had the general idea for quite a while, since like chapter 4, I think, but it took forever to write and it has gone through 3 or so versions.

Next chapter is the epilogue. It's been written since before I even began to post Choices on here. So yeah...

AND (*hears everyone groan*) though the next fic I will be posting is The Silent Place, I am currently writing another fic which may (I honestly don't know) end up nearly as long as Choices. Currently it doesn't even have a title but it does have 6 chapters... if that makes anyone feel any better...