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Life After Near Death	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 14426 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
- 27
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"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."

― Laurell K. Hamilton

Chapter 28

Wounds Deeper Than Blood
Gray strode around town, brooding over the kiss.
Natsu … kissed him.
He had been kissed … by Natsu!
It felt unreal. How had that happened? Why? What had Natsu meant by it?
Natsu wasn't even gay! He liked some girl! What the hell was up with that sudden, random, awkward kiss?
Natsu had been forceful, even teasing him into doing more, yet he had kept pulling away and looking ashamed.
Or was it disgusted? At least once, he had looked ready to vomit.
Gray could not wrap his head around it. Was it love? Was it pity? Was it just teasing around?
"Dammit," he whispered to himself. The kiss had been too sudden and too strange. If they could have talked about it, discussed what they thought of this first kiss, if they had time to confirm each other's feelings … but Natsu took off.
Or had he run away?
He was out of town now, off on some mission with Happy, leaving Gray alone to mull over what happened and what to do about this sudden, utterly unexpected development. Gray still half thought that this was a dream, he had imagined the whole thing, maybe he was still dreaming and when he woke up he would have a morning woody and vague memories that he must have dreamed of something nice.
He hoped to Hell this was not another dream!
Natsu had offered to be equals. Or was that offer just Gray's imagination? Had it really been about the kiss, or had what he said applied only to the fight? It had been so vague.
Gray was in the market district, and he glanced through the shirts again since he forgot to buy one earlier that day. He spent so much money on new clothes since his kept getting lost. That usually meant he could get the latest fashion, but today he figured on just buying something off the discount rack. Across from him were two girls also looking at clothes that were for sale.
"Hey, what about this?" one girl asked her friend, holding up a garish shirt. "Do you think my boyfriend will like it?"
"Oh my God, that is so gay!" the friend laughed loudly. "You don't want some lame, gay shirt for your boyfriend. People will think he's weak."
Gray's brow twitched. Did being gay make people think you were weak? He had lost to Natsu again; he did not want people to think he was weak.
Gray turned away from the clothes. He was still not even sure if he was gay, or bisexual, or whatever. He just had fantasies. Highly erotic fantasies! Maybe it was hormones, and that was all. He was young, and maybe it was merely a phase, just curiosity, a desire to experiment with alternatives.
Could that work? Two guys curious about same-sex love, just experimenting, testing out the possibility, without a promise that it could lead to more: could it work and not utterly ruin their friendship? Could they stick to just kisses, maybe touching and sucking each other, without sex and pain and fighting over who topped and who bottomed? He did not want to ruin his friendship with Natsu over some silly curiosity and stupid fantasies.
Natsu was at least curious too, right?
That kiss…
Why had Natsu kissed him in the first place? For what reason? He had to feel the same way, right? A person does not just randomly kiss someone else. There had to be a reason why Natsu would kiss him in the first place.
Two teen boys walked down the Magnolia's main boulevard talking loudly.
"Bro, no way! For reals? You kissed Becky?"
"Yeah, took her first kiss."
"Damn! I didn't think you liked her."
"What? Of course I don't! I felt sorry for her, going on and on about how no guy wants to kiss her. You know, like you see a pathetic kitten crying and you just have to pet it."
"Hah! You wanna pet her pussy."
"Ew! Shut up! I don't even want her as a girlfriend. It was just a kiss, sheesh. But now I feel ashamed. It seemed like she really liked it, so I decided I'd kiss her a bit more."
"Did you use tongue?"
"Hell yeah, tongue and copped a feel of her boob while I was at it. I didn't mean it romantically, just spur of the moment, hormones and shit, bro. But then last night her sister called me up…"
"Ooh, the sexy one?"
"Yeah, and she said Becky thought the kiss meant we were dating. Man, now I gotta tell her it meant nothing and she's gonna cry."
"So date her for a week and then break up."
"Yeah, maybe I should. I don't want her to feel stupid for thinking there was anything more to it. Man, I never should have kissed that ugly girl."
Gray felt a lump in his throat and quickly turned down an alley. Didn't mean it? Ashamed? Just felt sorry? Because the person was having a hard time?
His hand reached up to his mouth and the heat that still lingered there. Was that the reason? Natsu had called him pathetic. He had been trying to cheer Gray up for months now. Was the kiss merely that as well? Just pity?
"Gray, I … I don't … You're pathetic."
Natsu had been about to say something. I don't … what? Think this is right? Feel this way? I don't really love you? But then … pathetic! He called Gray pathetic, and then he kissed him anyway.
"You know, like you see a pathetic kitten crying and you just have to pet it."
That must be it!
It was the only explanation that made sense. Natsu had kissed him and looked grossed out, then ashamed, and at another point the Dragon Slayer had looked ready to vomit. Obviously, the kiss was disgusting to him. So why continue kissing? It only made sense if Natsu pitied him.
They all pitied him! They had for almost a year now. He saw it in their eyes. When he had been in the wheelchair, he stopped coming to the guild because he hated those gazes filled with pity. Now…
He could not comprehend how low Natsu would go just to make him feel better. Pity had reached a whole new level. It was not enough to give him those sorrowful eyes, or offer his shoulder to cry on, or try to distract him with fights. No, Natsu now kissed him just to cheer him up. He would probably even date Gray if he ever got the courage to confess his feelings to the Dragon Slayer. Maybe that was why he offered to be equals. He would have smelled the arousal on Gray. He probably already knew the truth. Maybe he had always known, always smelled how aroused Gray got just seeing Natsu near him. Yes, definitely it made sense that Natsu would offer to kiss him to cheer him up, kissed him and smelled the increasing arousal from that kiss.
And then he called him pathetic!
But this was Natsu, after all. He would have continued if he knew Gray liked it, even if Natsu himself found the act of kissing a man to be gross. That crazy Fire Dragon Slayer would go to any extreme for the sake of his friends.
Even kissing.
Gray remembered hearing that Natsu had been willing to kiss Lucy just because Asuka wanted to see it. According to Lucy, Natsu acted like a kiss was no big deal to him.
If kissing a gorgeous girl and teammate like Lucy had been no big deal, maybe kissing a man and friendly rival was also not a big deal. After all, Natsu had just walked away. A kiss that incredible, their first kiss, and he just left Gray sitting there, walked away, and left town. What sort of guy just walks away from a kiss like that?
Suddenly, at the other end of the alley, four tough-looking men dragged a scrawny man over and began to punch him. Gray was instantly yanked out of his thoughts at the fight. Then he heard a word that made his blood run cold.
"Faggot!"
The smaller man huddled down and whimpered, "H-Help me! Someone!"
Gray rushed into action.
"Shut up, you fucking faggot," one of the men yelled. "A butt-fucker like you can take a little ass-kicking."
"Yo, idiot!" Gray called over, and the man throwing punches looked around at him. "Hey look, the dog answers when called," he grinned, and then instantly he punched the man in the face. "Put this up your asses, you bastards!"
The fight was one-sided, these men were not used to true battle situations, just stupid brawlers who knew how to fling their fists around. Gray did not even have to use magic; they took off running in under a minute, completely overwhelmed by the Fairy Tail member.
Gray smiled down at the small man. "Ya all right, kid?" He stuck his hand out to help him.
"I … th-thank you," he said, in awe and a little fear of this man who obviously knew how to fight well.
"So long as you're okay. And hey, don't listen to them. It's okay to be gay."
The man's eyes narrowed. "Are you gay?"
"Wh-what?" Gray asked in shock.
"Don't touch me!" he yelled. "I hate anyone who's gay. Thanks to all those butt-loving bastards, I get picked on. Everyone thinks I'm a fag just because I'm small and a bit weak, and people hate me. They beat me up. I lost all of my friends just because of some rumors that I might be gay. No girl wants me because they think I'm more interested in other guys. Even my parents think I'm gay, and my dad kicked me out of the house. I'm not gay!" he screamed. "I've never been gay. Those faggots fucked up my life."
He took off running in tears, and Gray watched him go, stunned by the outburst.
"Sheesh, what a drama queen! I'm not surprised they think that about him," he muttered. However, one thing the small man said had stabbed him like an icicle.
'I lost all of my friends just because of some rumors that I might be gay.'
If people found out about him and Natsu kissing…
Even if Natsu wasn't merely pitying him … if by some miracle he had been serious…
What risks were there in something like this? It was something Gray had fretted about for months now. He knew that he might get some harassment, but could he really lose his friends as well? Gray knew he could survive with these confused feelings in his heart, but he could not live in a world without Fairy Tail.
Been there, done that, hated it!
"What do I do?" he asked himself. "Goddammit, Natsu! Why'd you put me into this mess? I'm … I'm not ready."
He leaned back against the alley wall and stared out. He remembered scenes from childhood, challenges, stupid fights, and talks he and Natsu had, moments of seriousness when things no child should deal with—like Gray losing his family and Natsu being abandoned by Igneel—weighed on their tiny hearts heavily enough to make rivalries seem stupid. He thought about Galuna Island, when the team truly came together, facing that demon that stole away his family, and Natsu saving him from foolishly using Iced Shell. He remembered the Tower of Heaven, Nirvana, Edolas, Tenrou, so many times when he and Natsu had to fight together to defeat enemies. Then a dark memory, his defeat at the Grand Magic Games, the public humiliation, and Natsu shouting at the crowd in his defense.
He thought about afterwards, Tartartus, Silver, all he lost, all he gained, and fighting side by side with Natsu, putting his trust in the Dragon Slayer and hearing Natsu declare that he had trust in Gray. Then after that, a year to heal from the pain and nightmares, to control the dark power within him, to relax after all the insanity and heartache, with only Juvia there to make sure he found his clothes and ate healthy food. He had to admit, if not for her, he might have succumbed to darkness.
Then that crazy day when Natsu came to take him away from Avatar, how damn stubborn that flame-brain was to have Gray back in Fairy Tail. Once again, they fought back to back, just like when they fought Mard Geer, just like so many times before. A year apart meant nothing to them. They knew each other's fighting styles well after growing up brawling almost every day. They could anticipate what the other wanted and weave their opposing magics together. They bashed each other's faces in when they were with the guild, but when there was an enemy in front of them, nothing could stop fire and ice.
And then he remembered that day, almost one year ago now, that horrific fight, losing most of his leg, the pain of being shot in the chest and gut multiple times, the feeling of his life slipping away, memories of how Natsu had stood over him, protecting him, flames raging in anger. He had been defeated, and Natsu finished the fight Gray could not win on his own. It angered Gray, but Natsu never bragged about it. Natsu had killed the man who almost killed Gray. He had cried over Gray and did all he could to keep him alive.
Gray placed a hand on his stomach. Natsu said he had cauterized the wound so Gray would not bleed out, and he even donated blood when Gray needed surgery. The Ice-Make wizard shivered a little to think that he had Natsu's blood within his body.
Then a summery smile came into his memory. Warmth. Blazing eyes. Passionate kisses.
"Dammit!" He punched the wall and cracked the bricks. "What do I do? Why did you…? Goddammit, Natsu!" he seethed. "Do you have feelings for me or not? Why did you keep looking disgusted? Why do it at all if it was gross to you? Is this just because you pity me still? You called me pathetic! I can never surpass you. I fall, and you stand over me. Just like back then. Fuck!"
As he stood there shaking with confused emotions, Gajeel came up the street. He smelled Gray's scent and looked around for the chronic stripper. Then he saw a shadow in the alley. By the blood on Gray's knuckles, Gajeel assumed he must have just been in a fight.
"Yo, you didn't kill anyone, did you, gihihi?" he asked, coming over to the alley.
Gray glanced up and saw the Iron Dragon Slayer. Dammit! He was not in the mood to talk with anyone right now.
"What's up with you, ice prick? You're not still crying over Juvia, are ya?"
Juvia! At that moment, Gray wished he could have something simple and easy to understand, like having a girlfriend instead of these strange feelings for a male teammate.
"Am I pathetic?" he muttered mostly to himself.
Gajeel arched a metallic eyebrow at the question. "What, did you lose a fight? Don't tell me it was against Salamander."
Gray grunted in fury. "You automatically think I'd lose to him, huh?" he grumbled. "Am I that weak?"
"You're not weak, Gray," Gajeel stated stolidly. "I've seen you fight. You're pretty strong. You're still recovering, though. You took a hell of a beating last year, but you're making a comeback. That shows perseverance. I respect that," he said firmly. "It's fine if you lose a couple of brawls. Everyone understands."
Gray's eyes flashed up coldly. "Understands?" he whispered in a hiss. "What, exactly? What the hell do you all understand? You don't understand anything about me."
"Man, chill," Gajeel scoffed. "We all know it takes time to heal. Some wounds run deeper than blood."
His eyes narrowed spitefully. "You're saying I'm internally scarred, weak, some pathetic invalid who should take it easy."
"That's not what I mean at all, dumb ass! Sheesh, what's got your panties in a wad?"
Suddenly, Gajeel felt himself blasted against the opposite alley wall and pinned in ice. He was so cold, it felt like his piercings might shatter. Gray approached him slowly with frost smoking around his body and a chilling glare in his stormy eyes.
"I'll show you I'm not weak. I'll show him. I'll show everyone. I'm not some pathetic invalid you can just fuck around with."
"Gray … what the hell?" Gajeel shouted in anger and confusion. Just what happened to him? He rarely saw the levelheaded ice wizard this angry.
"If I have to freeze my feelings, freeze my heart, freeze my very soul to get stronger, I will. I'll get strong enough, no matter what it takes. I will never lose to that flaming bastard again, and I won't ever let him treat me like some pathetic idiot who needs his sympathy and pity."
Gajeel grinned. "So then you did lose to Salamander. Gihihi! I would've loved to see that match!"
Gray suddenly punched him so hard, Gajeel blacked out for a moment, and his head hung down limply. "I won't ever lose to him again, especially not … this way." He swirled and marched away.
The ice crackled apart, and Gajeel almost fell to the ground. He slowly straightened up and rubbed out his jaw. "Icy bastard." He shouted after Gray, "I hope he melts you into a puddle, ya damn snowman!"
Then he looked around. At least no one saw their confrontation. He would never hear the end of it if people found out that the guy who still struggled to run from one end of town to the other had captured him in ice and gotten in a free punch.
And damn, Gray could punch! His arms had gotten strong during his time in a wheelchair. If Gray punched that hard, Gajeel wondered how Natsu managed to beat him.
"Fucking Salamander. Gray's supposed to be your rival, like you're mine. Bastard, leaving him to me like this." He scoffed at the whole thing and took off to find somewhere warm. It seriously felt like Gray nearly froze his blood.

Next Chapter: "Aren't You Ashamed?"

A/N: The fight in the alley, and the small man who hates homosexuals because everyone assumes he's gay, is based on a true story. I tried to help a man who was getting harassed. I made the mistake of assuming he really was gay, tried to encourage him that it's okay, he could be openly gay around me, I would not judge him. I thought I was being supportive. Instead, I inadvertently triggered something and got verbally attacked. From what I gleaned, that guy had been viciously harassed all his life, purely due to people falsely assuming he was homosexual. He had a lifetime of abuse, lost his friends, even lost family. He feared that if he was around gay people and LGBTA supporters like me, it would "prove he was gay." If that happened, he was terrified that he would lose the few friends he had left. It's truly sad that homophobia can ruin the lives of people who aren't even homosexual.
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- 29
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Life After Near Death