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My Sun, My Supernova	By : ditchgospel Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3283 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 28
- 29
- 30
Author's Note: Only two more chapters to go, people! Let this be your warning that the ending isn't going to be all sugar and spice and everything nice. Thanks for reading!

My Sun, My Supernova

Chapter 29

Transcendence

One naked foot steps lightly onto foreign soil, as Sanzo slips easily off of
the dragon's back. Goku isn't far behind, his own booted feet connecting
somewhat less gracefully with solid ground. Sanzo is drunk on elation, the
thrill of flight and escape having lifted his spirits into an emotional high,
and, because Sanzo is happy, so too is Goku.

Goku watches with a smile as Sanzo lifts his face to the sky, eyes
sparkling with excitement. Goku's smile widens when those radiant eyes turn his
way, igniting his soul. With delighted laughter, he playfully trips Sanzo's feet
out from under him, just to give himself the reward of catching his shining
blond treasure in his arms. Gently, he lowers Sanzo down with him to the ground,
hardly daring to breath lest he ruin the magic of actually having Sanzo relaxed
and happy and totally receptive to his demonstration of affection.
Intending to take full advantage of his companion's good mood, Goku leans in to
bestow him with a celebratory kiss.

When their lips meet, soft and sweet, Sanzo sighs in deep content, letting
his fingers tangle in a wind-blown shock of chocolate-brown hair.

The touch tingles pleasantly against Goku's scalp, and he reluctantly breaks
the kiss just to gaze once again into the absolute miracle of pain-free
amethyst eyes.

Miraculous the sight may be, but sometimes miracles are just too good to be
true.

One moment, those eyes are smiling up at Goku, vibrant and bright, and the
next, they are blank and dulled by pain's inevitable return. The fingers
entwined gently in his hair involuntarily tighten their grip, pulling sharply at
the roots. When the bad spell passes and Sanzo's heart settles again in his
chest, much of the pure, innocent joy has been wiped away, leaving Sanzo looking
more weary than anything else. Goku shifts away from their embrace in dismay,
and as he does so suddenly becomes aware of the dried blood clinging to his skin
and caking his clothes, rendering them stiff and dark red.

Goku wrinkles his nose, disgust and anger welling up inside of him, directed
both at the phantom demon which is Sanzo's pain, as well as at the actual demon
he had torn apart back in the village. There is no way he can touch Sanzo now
when he is so contaminated by that foul creature's blood, and already he has let
Sanzo become tainted with it.

The object of Goku's concern, still lying stretched out aimlessly on the
ground, is looking at him curiously, and Goku offers him a smile, an expression
in contrast to his own current feelings. Sanzo twitches the corner of his lips
slightly, in what could be interpreted as the ghost of a half-hearted attempt to
return the gesture. Charmed by the response, minimal though it may be, Goku
turns up the intensity of his grin, trying to coax a little more in return. He
is rewarded with another small smile, more beautiful to him than the most
perfect sunrise, and Goku's heart just melts.

Oh, he so desperately wants to protect Sanzo, to take away his pain,
but he cannot protect him from whatever it is now that hurts him from within.
Goku sits back on the dusty ground and hugs his knees, looking off into the
dreary, ominous distance.

Houtou Castle is not far, and storm clouds are beginning to gather
threateningly in the sky.

XXX

This close to the source of Shangri-La's troubles, chaos reigns. Earlier,
Sanzo and Goku had passed over a village entirely overrun by demon occupation.
Whatever humans do remain in the area live strictly under demon subjugation and
constant fear.

Sanzo and Goku have finally found a tiny, secluded house, apparently
abandoned and ransacked, but for them it is enough. It will offer adequate
shelter from the weather, and provide a suitable haven in which to rest.

Once settled, Goku's first priority is to wash away all traces of blood. His
next priority is food. They haven't eaten in quite a while, and he wants to
provide Sanzo with the nourishment he needs to regain his strength, especially
since Sanzo obviously hasn't been eating well for some time now, judging by his
loss of weight. Goku sighs rather ruefully, considering the fact that he himself
is in similar circumstances. It's been ages since the words, "I'm hungry", once
spoken so frequently, have been much more than just an inconsequential thought
in the back of his mind.

Goku leaves Sanzo resting comfortably in their makeshift nest and goes to the
dingy little kitchen to see what he can do about scrounging together some kind
of meager meal. By the time he finally manages to fumble through the task of
cooking stale rice, which happens to be the only edible thing available, night
has fallen and rain is already coming down in torrents.

When he approaches with a steaming bowl of the simple meal, Sanzo is awake
and sitting perfectly still by the window, staring out at the dark, wet world
beyond the thin glass. Quietly setting down the dish, Goku kneels at his side,
the two of them closely enveloped in soft candlelight and the steady beat of the
rain. Sanzo's eyes are eerily distant, even as Goku gently runs his fingers
through the silken strands of his hair, quietly enjoying the fresh contrast of
the pale locks against his own tanned skin. A slight frown flickers briefly
across Sanzo's face, but otherwise Goku's presence, including the touch, goes
entirely ignored.

Goku sighs. He isn't surprised that the rain has brought Sanzo even further
down, but that doesn't stop him from feeling disappointed. He moves in closer,
gathering up Sanzo's hair, grown slightly longer now due to the absence of
regular trimming, in order to expose the sensitive skin at the nape of his neck.
Sanzo remains unresponsive, but Goku is undeterred. Longing and devotion
overtake him, and he snakes an arm around Sanzo's waist to clasp one of his
hands, lacing their fingers together. Goku whispers Sanzo's name against his
skin, and as he does so, a peal of thunder growls as if to contrast with the
softer sound.

As the rumble of thunder fades away, Sanzo finally responds, although not
quite in the way that Goku was hoping for, his voice low and harsh, as if in
warning.

"Leave me... alone."

Lightning flares violently, overwhelming and drowning out the cozy light
provided by the candle. Goku holds his breath, but does not retreat. He feels
almost awestricken by the extent of Sanzo's power to draw him in and hold him
utterly spellbound. How can Sanzo's light always be so beautiful to him, whether
it be enhanced by the brilliance of the sun, a burning fire, or even a wicked
storm?

"No."

Sanzo lets his breath hiss sharply between his teeth, angered by Goku's
refusal to obey. The rain drums in his ears relentlessly, seeming to increase in
intensity, threatening to rip his skull asunder. He breaks away from Goku and
turns to face him coldly.

As their eyes clash, the storm continues to rage, inside and out.

"What did you say?"

"I said no. I won't leave you alone."

Goku reaches to trace his fingers lightly over the back of Sanzo's neck, but
his hand is immediately slapped away.

"Stop."

Goku catches Sanzo's hand firmly by the wrist.

"No, Sanzo. You stop."

Sanzo gapes at him, shooting invisible daggers with his eyes and spitting
venom with his words.

"What the fuck do you think you're..."

"I won't lose you to the rain, Sanzo. No one can take you away from me, no
one. Not even the ghost that haunts you whenever it rains."

Faced with Goku's determination, the weight of old emotional wounds and the
stress of recent circumstances, Sanzo begins to break down. The waver in his
voice proves impossible to hide.

"How... dare you..."

Goku gives his wrist a light squeeze.

"I won't give up on you. I need you."

"Let go, Goku."

"No."

"Goku..."

Sanzo's voice trails off, almost more pleading than demanding now, and Goku's
answer is imbued with all the sincerity he can muster.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, not again. But I won't let you be alone. I
won't."

Sanzo glares a moment longer, willing Goku to back off, and then turns his
face away towards the rain-streaked glass.

"You're so naive, little monkey. The rain... it reminds me. What hurts the most
is to lose someone you care about. I wanted to protect myself, so I kept my
distance. I denied everything. Was it wrong, Goku? Was I wrong?"

"Sanzo..."

Sanzo shakes his head, and seeks out the reflection of Goku's eyes in the
window.

"What am I going to do with you, my Goku?"

Goku leans forward, resting his chin on Sanzo's shoulder.

"Whatever you do, don't push me away. It hurts. It hurts even more than... than
being alone... in the cave..."

Sanzo closes his eyes, remembering the lonely creature that had called to him
so desperately from his prison of rock. Realization dawns like a dark cloud on
the horizon.

The cave.

"Sanzo? Come away from the window. Forget the dumb old rain."

Goku waits in frustrated impatience, slipping his arms around Sanzo again and
letting his fingers play teasingly just under the waistline of too-loose jeans.
But Sanzo is no longer aware of the touch, entranced and numb to his present
surroundings. The hypnotic sound of the rain entwines around his mind, holding
him captive to memories, forcing him to relive a haunting tale five centuries
old, a tale that only ends in tragedy again and again.

Goku angles his head to peer into Sanzo's face, into lost, empty eyes
vacantly transfixed on the storm outside. Goku soundlessly curses the rain, an
enemy he cannot fight, before pulling Sanzo away from the window and flopping
backwards with him into the nest of bedding spread out invitingly for them on
the floor. He settles himself comfortably over Sanzo's body, gazing down at him
with warmth and intensity.

"Come on, Sanzo, look at me. Be here with me."

Sanzo's eyelids flutter as he struggles to focus on the present.

"Goku? It's... it's almost over, but for you, it never ends..."

"Sanzo, forget it. It's just the rain messing with you, makin' you feel
nothin' but gloom and doom. But I can make you feel good. Remember the sky?
Everything was so clear. We were happy there. I'll make you feel like you're
flying again. Wake up and fly with me, Sanzo."

Overcome now with desire and the desperate need to bring Sanzo back to him,
Goku carefully administers each kiss and caress, trying to elicit a response.
Sanzo's faraway eyes fall gently shut as the sensations wash over him, chasing
away the unwholesome dark. Goku eagerly exposes as much skin as possible on his
downward path, until finally, he reaches his destination, and Sanzo throws back
his head with a shuddering moan, eyes snapping open as he awakens to the reality
of the moment. For one frighteningly lucid second, he even thinks to resist,
pulling at Goku's hair in mild protest. But lucid thought very soon becomes next
to imposible as he finds himself submitting, wanting, needing...

Needing nothing but this, here, now...

Nothing but Goku.

For a moment, all else is blissfully forgotten, until...

His heart skips a beat, in prelude to a violent contraction of the vital
muscle. Pain overwhelms pleasure, and Sanzo cries out in sharp agony.

Goku quickly stops his ministrations and lifts his head, disturbed
and confused, trying to determine the cause of the unexpected response. Sanzo's
breath hisses through tightly clenched teeth, his hands clutching in absolute
anguish at Goku's hair, entire body gone rigid with stress.

Through the steady beat of the rain, the faulty, erratic rhythm of Sanzo's
heart sounds loudly in Goku's ears, terrifying in its implications. Although
afraid to leave, Goku scrambles to his feet, leaving strands of his own hair
behind in desperate fingers, and races from the room. He isn't gone long,
returning quickly with a damp cloth. Kneeling at Sanzo's side, he takes one
trembling hand in his and places the cool cloth tenderly on a brow no longer
adorned with the mark of the gods.

XXX

After an hour or so of such mutual torment, in which the pain seems worse
than ever before, Sanzo finally begins to relax, his heartbeat becoming
gradually more regular.Goku lies down next to him, worry-worn, and places a
comforting hand on Sanzo's chest over his heart. Sanzo sighs, his breath no longer
hindered, and, exhausted, bids good riddance to the last twinges of pain.

They lie quietly together, listening to the raindrops hit the roof over their
heads. In the kitchen, the dragon shifts in its sleep, snorting contentedly.
After a while, Sanzo places a hand over Goku's in silent thanks, and Goku lifts
his head a little, questioning wordlessly. Sanzo does not look at him, his only
response being a brief squeeze of his hand.

It's enough for Goku. Reassured, he moves to tuck his head against Sanzo's
shoulder a little tentatively, almost afraid to for fear that somehow it is his
touch that's responsible for Sanzo's pain. The idea does not seem so very
farfetched in his mind, and it unsettles him vaguely. He tries to brush the
thought away as he mumbles sleepily against the other man's skin.

"Sanzo, what's wrong with you?"

Sanzo sighs heavily and drapes an arm around Goku, who responds to the
welcoming touch by snuggling in more comfortable at his side.

"It's Konzen. The more I resist him, the more it hurts. But I can't let him
come through, not yet."

"You mean... Konzen is doing this to you? He's hurting you?"

"Not intentionally, but yes. If I had given in, he'd be here with you right
now. I'd be locked up instead of him. But... I can't let him out until I explain
to you what you need to do, Goku. It'll be up to you and him, but you have to
make him do it. It's up to you, Goku."

Goku sits up slowly, gazing down at Sanzo with a drawn seriousness hardly
suited to his youthful face.

"What do me and Konzen hafta do?"

"You have to end this. You have to win the fight. You have to save the world.
You have to do it for me, because I can't. I can't."

The grim expression melts into a childish pout.

"But why? Why do we even gotta do that? Why can't we just forget the whole
thing? I just wanna be with you, I don't care about anything else."

"No, Goku. It doesn't work that way. Besides, Konzen and I, we can't stay
like this. It's no good. We'll only end up killing each other."

Sanzo laughs suddenly, as if the whole situation were nothing but a sick
joke.

"You won't leave me, Goku. I know you won't. In the end, I'm always
the one who leaves you."

Goku leans over Sanzo, bringing his face in close.

"Hey. Listen, Sanzo. Don't start sayin' stuff like that. You won't leave me,
right?"

"Goku, it's time. We're finally here, at the end of the road. I have
to let Konzen out now, but first... I'll tell you what you have to do."

"Sanzo?"

"Goku, you wanted me to give up the rain for you. To give up the ghosts of
the past. But if I do that, then you have to do the same for me. Can you do
that? Can you give up Konzen for me?"

"But you are Konzen. You're the same."

"Do you really think that? Maybe in a way it's true. But think again. I am
Konzen. I am what Konzen becomes. But Konzen is not me. He is not. Now
listen. This is important. Take Konzen to Houtou Castle. He must bear the Maten
scripture in my place. Konzen is a god. In his hands, its power will be
amplified. You..."

Sanzo reaches up to smooth down Goku's spiky hair, his fingers coming to rest
against the golden coronet.

"You have to help him, but not as you are now. The little monkey isn't strong
enough, no. The monster has to do it. You have to release it, Goku. Will
you do that for me?"

"No. I can't. I... I don't wanna be that thing again."

"You have to. It's the only way we stand a chance. Even so, we might not make
it."

"No!"

Sanzo gives Goku's hair a sharp tug.

"Do as I say, Goku. Do you hear me? You will do it."

Goku drops his gaze, turning his face away.

"I'll do anything for you, Sanzo. But not that. I can't. Please don't ask me
to."

"Then I have no further use for you, Goku. I don't need a weak, naughty
little monkey like you. Get out of my sight."

"But Sanzo..."

"Get out!"

Goku winces and hunches his shoulders miserably, but before he can argue
further, Sanzo suddenly mutters a curse and clutches at his chest in renewed
pain.

"Goku, I... Will you help, before it's too late?"

The desire to help Sanzo, to ease his pain, wins out over his own fear, and
Goku agrees.

"Okay. I'll do it."

Sanzo sighs in relief, even though the pain continues to assault him. Goku
will help him. That is enough for now.

"I knew you wouldn't forsake me, little monkey. But listen, remember what I
said. There can be only one sun in the sky, and... I'm a selfish bastard,
so I want it to be me. Understand? I won't let him keep you."

Goku nods, and Sanzo closes his eyes in a moment of preparation. Then, he
lets the pain have its way, and the world goes white, as he finally allows
Konzen to take transcendence.

XXX

So it is not Sanzo who lies unconscious at Goku's side, but Konzen. Goku,
unaware of the switch, sleeplessly listens to the storm as he absently combs his
fingers through blond hair, trying not to think about what he has agreed to
do.

Later, when the rich smell of blood invades his acute senses, Goku sits up,
and watches in fascinated alarm as Sanzo's pillow slowly stains red. Sanzo is
suffering another nosebleed, and a bad one. Goku swallows nervously, and licks
his lips as an uncontrollable shiver of excitement thrills through him, stirred
to life by the intoxicating scent. He frowns in self-disgust, and, with the
cloth he had used to tend to Sanzo before, soaks up the flow as best he can,
feeling guilty and ashamed, and vowing that he will make it up to Sanzo for his
despicable behaviour by helping him in any way he can, even if that means
willfully removing his limiter on demand.

XXX

Time passes slowly in the night, and eventually, Konzen opens his eyes.

It comforts him immensely to see that Goku is with him, the familiar presence
soothing the shock of having to suddenly readjust to conscious awareness. The
last clear memory he has is of being with Goku at the doctor's place, after
the attack. There, together, they had shared something intimate and meaningful.
Dazedly, he assumes that this must be the same room, but somehow that doesn't
feel right. His mind is spinning and everything feels strange and confused.
Forcing back a vague sense of alarm, he sits up a little, and is about to say
something to Goku, when he sees the blood.

Blood.

Instantly, it invokes fear and revulsion, and Konzen recoils from the
unwelcome sight. Worse, he can even taste it. In horror, he reaches to
his face, and when his fingers comes away wet with the vile red fluid, nausea
washes over him, forcing him to gag until his empty stomach is obliged to expel it's own juices in revolt.
When his stomach finally stops heaving, Goku is still there, rubbing his back
and waiting anxiously.

"Sanzo?"

A fog seems to be hanging heavily on Konzen's mind, weighing him down, making
it difficult to think clearly. He opens his mouth to speak, but his tongue and
his mind won't connect, and nothing comes out. He shakes his head, and tries
again.

"N-no. G-go... ku. It's... I..."

His eyes stray to the bloody cloth in Goku's hand. Goku presses his lips
together and frowns, moving to wipe the blood and vomit from Konzen's face.
Konzen panics, grabbing Goku's wrist to prevent the horrid object from coming
any closer. He tries to speak again, but this time nothing emerges but a
pathetic whimper.

As Konzen mutely meets Goku's imploring gaze, Goku's eyes take on a strangely
doubtful glint.

"Sanzo?"

Konzen again shakes his head.

"No. I..."

As another bout of gagging leaves Konzen feeling faint and grasping for air
instead of words, Goku squints his eyes suspiciously.

"Konzen?"

Konzen chokes out a murmur of assent, nodding his head in obvious relief that
Goku has recognized him. For a moment, Goku is likewise struck speechless,
trying to adapt to the shock of the change. Then he forces a somewhat fake,
though meant to be reassuring, smile onto his lips, studying Konzen curiously as
he does so.

"Sanzo let you out. Does it still hurt?"

Konzen shakes his head, and Goku frowns, trying to remain calm, though he
himself is shaken and far from feeling at ease.

"What's wrong? Talk to me, Konzen. I need to know if you're okay."

But Goku is unable to get anything out of Konzen, who is still suffering from
the effects of the attempted cure, from its aborted attack on his soul. What
Goku is eventually able to conclude on his own is that the sight of the blood is
upsetting to Konzen, and so he makes an effort to erase all trace of the
offending substance, tossing aside the stained pillow and coaxing Konzen to
submit to a wash with a clean cloth. Luckily the blood has since stopped
flowing, making his job easier.

That done, all that is left for him to do for the time being is to wrap
Konzen in his arms, and hold him close. He finds that he very easily and quickly
reverts to a clingy, touch-hungry monkey, as physical contact is usually more
accepted by Konzen than by Sanzo. As they lie together, sheltered from the
steady, though now diminishing, drizzle outside, Goku lets his thoughts and
feelings roam freely, though he is not left untroubled as a result.

In one sense, he feels relieved to be with Konzen again. It's like receiving
a much-needed emotional tonic. But at the same time, Goku is forlorn because
Sanzo is now so out of reach, even more so than when he is right by his side.
And then there is what Sanzo had said, about he and Konzen killing each
other. The thought chills him, and suddenly the man in his arms no longer feels
quite as warm as he did a moment ago. Another thing...

Sanzo had asked Goku to forget about his relationship to Konzen. Sanzo had
asked Goku to love only one, and had wanted that one to be him. But how can Goku
choose, when one shines just as brightly as the other?

And so the rain falls throughout the remainder of the night, dampening
spirits as it dampens the earth. The bliss of flight and freedom has come to an
end, leaving nothing but cold reality in its place.
- 28
- 29
- 30
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My Sun, My Supernova