Watari Pt 1: L\'s Heirs

Author\'s Note: This chapter was co-written with Miyamashi. She is the author of \'Twisted Religion\' and I was honoured when she agreed to join forces with me on this. I\'d like to thank Krys for the loan of her Mello. I take the blame for Matt here; but Miyamashi is the pretty blond with the rosary. (No, I don\'t know how I pulled that one off either. *bites knuckles*) - Matilda xxxxx

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Mello sat a little straighter, sucking on his chocolate. "May I ask you a question please?" He saw Matt nod. "Why are you sitting out there? I know you\'ve been in here, because the dust wasn\'t as bad as it should have been. I don\'t mind you coming in here."



Matt sucked on his cigarette. "I\'m ok out here." He could tell that more was clearly needed in explanation, but didn\'t know how to say it. How could he tell Mello that it was out of respect for him? Something in there was calming Mello\'s soul and he was certain that it wasn\'t him. In the end he settled for something that only scratched the iceberg of meaning. "I don\'t belong in there."



The blond stretched and seemed to uncoil. He twisted around until he was back on his knees, allowing a glimpse of the tea-lights behind him. They illuminated the Virgin. "And why not? Because you\'re not Catholic?"



Matt shook his head, "It\'s not that." His lover didn\'t ask, but his head tilted, the question stark on his features. "You\'ve made it all pretty and all. It looks really nice, but it\'s your thing." Mello frowned a little and Matt sighed. "It\'s more than that." He took a deep drag on his cigarette, testing out the words in his head. "When you left me on the bed just now, you were Mello. Right now, I\'m looking at someone I haven\'t seen since you were about seven. You look like you\'re at peace. You look like you feel safe, which I know is a bit of an alien concept to you." He winked, then shrugged when the blond didn\'t respond. "I just don\'t want to touch that. You know?"



"Well, if you\'re going on the idea that it\'s my space and you don\'t want to disturb it, I know, for one, you\'ve been in here to clean before, and two," Mello looked up, "what do you think you are to me? On that logic, you\'re the thing I care more about, so you belong in this holy space of mine. It should be an honor to the space and to me." His eyes bore into the redhead. "And if it\'s about safety, I go on the same logic. It feels empty in here with you past the threshold. Come in." He motioned with his head.



Matt shook his head, "Honestly, I can\'t touch this, Mell. I hear what you\'re saying, but..." He looked uncertain.



Mello rose with all the grace of his lithe body. He tip-toed to the door and reached over, as if he knew the unseen barrier was there, and grabbed Matt\'s hand. "You want the Mello I was when I was seven, let\'s do it." He pulled on the limb, affecting a childish tone. "Come on, Matt!" Mello bounced on the spot, attempting to walk back whilst anchored by his lover\'s seated form.



The redhead laughed and stood. "Ok. Let me put my cigarette out first." It felt disrespectful to enter Mello\'s sanctuary smoking.



"Ok." Mello stood waiting for him, their hands still clasped. He looked as though he was dying to laugh.



The passage was uncarpeted, the worn stones shiny underfoot. Matt stubbed his cigarette out on them and faced the exciteable Slav. "You sure about this? You\'ve put flowers in and the Virgin and stuff. I\'m unbelieving, heathen scum remember." He winked to ensure that Mello got the lightness in his tone.



"Not like you\'ve never been in here before, Matt." Mello tugged on his sleeve, causing Matt to smirk. He couldn\'t remember his lover ever being like this, even when he was seven.



"Right." Matt crossed the threshold. It immediately felt warmer than the passageway, and he automatically rubbed his arms. He wondered if he would ever feel fully warm again, the cold of the past few days seeming to have frozen his bones, even if it was the height of summer. Unwilling to worry Mello, he inspected the changes to the chapel, especially those behind the door, which he hadn\'t been able to see from outside. "More saints here. I didn\'t see them. You have been working hard. It looks nice." Matt was rewarded with a delighted beam. He nodded back, feeling awkward, but wanting to keep that look on Mello\'s face. Inspiration came. Matt turned to face the altar, bent his knee and crossed himself. Beside him, Mello\'s mouth opened slightly, a look of wonder over a smile. "Where should I go?"



Mello took his hand properly. "Just kneel with me." He led him to his spot before the altar and knelt there. "Like this."



Matt was nervous. It wasn\'t the supposed presense of God or any of those supernatural creatures, it was how far he could go and still not cause so much to peak in Mello\'s spiritual soul, that it would end in tears. "Nice touch with the candles." He spoke a little too flippantly, as he knelt down beside his lover.



"Thank you." Mello leaned his head on Matt\'s shoulder and sighed. "Now this. This is peace."



"Am I allowed to put my arm around you in here?"



Mello grabbed Matt\'s hand and put it around himself, reciprocating with an arm around his lover\'s back. "Having you here," he paused, searching for the words to express his feelings, "it feels like it\'s accepted to be with you." He gazed at the statue of the Virgin. "It feels like God\'s smiling down on us."



Matt stared, thinking of all those religious crises which used to wrack their relationship and which possibly still occurred in private. "Wow! Really?"



The blond ran his thumb over his silver ring. "Yeah."



Without even knowing that he had done it, Matt touched his collar. "Can I ask you another question please? Or have we finished that game?"



Mello smiled, "I think the game\'s open until you\'re out of questions."



"You said to me, back in the flat, that you put me above God every time you kiss me. I know that your Catholicism has been stretched into something that I can\'t look up in a book. If you were ever to go back into the fold, properly, I mean... crap, I\'m not asking this right... I\'m hoping you get what I mean. Would it be over for us?"



"I," The blond began, then faltered. There was something about his whole manner that seemed childlike in a way that wasn\'t immature. Like he had touched that core of purity that he hadn\'t even realised he still had. "I could never do that. It\'s nice to feel like this." He gazed ahead, at the altar, though his fingers tightened almost imperceptively against Matt\'s bare back. "Like we\'re right in God\'s eyes. In fact, it means so much to me that I don\'t think you could possibly understand. But," he swallowed, hard, "if it came between having to be this heathen who sleeps with a guy despite everything I grew up to believe, and being a perfect saint and giving it all up." Mello paused, weighing up the words. "I\'ll take the blasphemy, thank you."



There was no doubt that Mello spoke the truth. This was not something that he could lie about, even in such a mood as this. Matt blinked, "Wow. That\'s not what I expected. No disrespect." The magnitude of what his lover was telling him was not lost on the redhead. Suddenly he was desperate to salvage Mello\'s religion for him. "For what it\'s worth, I think we\'re good in God\'s eyes too."



Mello plunged on, interupting him, "Don\'t get me wrong. There have been times when it\'s been hard. Especially when this all started, I thought it would be easy to leave you, confess, repent." He fell silent, remembering, then rallied, "But I started to realize that I couldn\'t bring myself to do it."



"He let David and Jonathan get away with it."



"Well, maybe. That would be nice to think, wouldn\'t it?" Mello laughed. It didn\'t sound forced.



"Your God is all loving, yes? What we feel for each other, that\'s loving, yes? Surely the two kind of, well, mesh?"



Mello leaned closer into Matt\'s touch. He smiled contentedly. "Yeah. I think that\'s why it doesn\'t feel wrong to be with you now. I think that\'s why it feels," He snuggled even closer, "right."



The redhead watched him. He remembered how badly Mello had crumbled when they became engaged; the conflict inside his lover, that had raged then, seemed resolved now. There was a kind of peace in Mello\'s manner. Matt smiled down at him, "Has it crossed your mind, at all, getting properly married? I mean, if it did, what kind of thing did you have in mind?"



The blond nodded, "I want to..." His words dropped away, his gaze fixed again onto the Virgin. It took a few seconds before Mello began speaking again. "I want to feel accepted by the church, not just this chapel, but the whole church. I know it\'s silly of me to want this, but sometimes, all I want is someone to look at me and say it\'s all right. Somebody besides you and me," he frowned, as if revealing this, even to himself, was a weakness, "a little outside reassurance, you know? Instead of having to believe over what I get told time and time again - \'you\'re wrong, Mihael Keehl. You\'re a sinner and you\'re going to Hell for your dirty, sinful relationship\'." Mello sniffed, appearing unaware that those conversations had taken place only in his own head. "I can take them telling me I\'m going to the fires for killing," His expression belied that statement, "but not for this."



Matt struggled for the words to say. He knew that there should be some, but everything that came to mind sounded too trite. He wasn\'t Catholic enough to counsel his lover on this one. In the end, he just hugged him. Mello felt so small in his arms and that didn\'t seem right. Someone with so large a personality shouldn\'t feel so tiny, even when his inferiority complex was showing. Then Matt remembered a lazy search, some weeks ago, which now appeared poignantly the right thing to have investigated. "I\'ve been looking on the internet." Mello\'s face turned more fully towards him. He was making an effort to regain some of his confidence. Naked truth blazed from his eyes, fully alert, attentive. "Even if we could find a priest willing to do it, given our gender, there\'s going to be another big problem." Matt shrugged, though he knew the importance of this next point to his lover. "I\'ve never been baptised." Mello nodded. To his credit, there was no judgement in his eyes. Matt took a deep breath. "How do you feel about me converting to Catholicism?"



Mello was suddenly animated again. He tore his head away from Matt\'s shoulder and stared intently at him. There was so much love in that gaze, but the blond shook his head, "I wouldn\'t want you to do that. My God, Mail, I don\'t want you to do something you don\'t really believe in." Tears pricked at his eyes. "I want to be accepted, yeah, but I could never ask you to do that. You would never ask me to leave the church, I would never ask you to join it." His fingers stroked a lock of red hair. "Thank you. Thank you for offering, but I can\'t accept that."



"I\'d never ask you to leave the Church because it\'d crucify you." Matt stated, matter-of-fact. "All I have to do is go to about 18 weeks of classes, agree to stuff, take an oath and get baptised. Oh and some services. I\'d do that for you. I can\'t promise to believe in it, but I already respect it." He held his lover\'s gaze until, unusually, it was Mello who looked away. The effect on the Slav was amazing to watch. He seemed emotionally stripped to the core of his being, not raw, but in a shuddering skittishness, touched beyond recall. He bit his lip and hunkered down into his shoulders a little. Matt felt electrified by it. The beautiful triumph of knowing that he had said precisely the right words to cause this. His Mello transformed into the shy man that he fundamentally knew was beneath all of the bluster. Matt reached out to squeeze his slender shoulders. "Ask and it\'s yours."



Mello gasped, his hand fluttering to his mouth, "I don\'t." He coughed, against the rasping of his tone and began again more surely, "I don\'t know what to say to this. I really don\'t. You\'ve got me speechless, Matt. Really."



"Woot! That\'s got to be the first time in 16 years! Yay!" Matt cheered, then winked at the blond\'s startled smile.



"Wow... just..." Mello blinked and seemed to rally himself a little. "This is your choice, Matt. I don\'t want to feel like you have to do this, for me."



"If it\'s going to make you look like this, I\'ll do it. It\'s worth it for the eye candy."



Mello laughed aloud. He arched his eyebrows at the redhead, "It\'s worth it? For making me look like some kind of nervous wreck with wedding fantasies?" He attempted a glare, but it failed.



"Is kissing you allowed in your little chapel?" Matt glanced around, indicating all of the saints watching from medallions and small statues. Mello leaned forward and answered with the kiss itself. "Nice one. Erm, there\'s homework as well, like memorising prayers and sh... stuff, but that won\'t be a problem. The written stuff, I figured I\'d give to you to do and it\'ll be just like Wammy\'s all over again." He winked and Mello laughed.



"I can help with that, if you\'d like." He shook his head, but couldn\'t help himself beaming with happiness. A blush crept unwittingly across his cheeks. "I still can\'t believe you\'re going to do this." The redhead bobbed out his tongue, looking very pleased with himself. Mello\'s hands rose to cover his own cheeks. "God, I feel so embarrassed." He completely covered his face now, bowing down in a half-ashamed, half-delighted hiding. "Look at what you\'ve done to me! You\'ve made me all...not...me...like..."



Matt smirked, "Of course, if you\'re waffling on in Croatian and I\'m learning it in English, we\'re going to have trouble saying grace."



Mello spoke through his fingers, his voice shrill, "I\'ll keep to English. Promise."



"You are so sweet at the moment. Who are you and what have you done with Mello?" Matt grinned, then prised the fingers away to plant a kiss on the lips he uncovered. "Ohai Mihael."



Mello was crimson. Tears slid down his face, but he was laughing too. "Hello, Mail." He straightened, shaking back blond hair. "Oh, you who can make grown men blush. Where did you get this power? From what old man did you take the quest to learn this new ability, and where is he so I can take him out?"



"That your way of saying you\'ll deign to play Super Smash Bros Brawl with me?"



He snorted, "So you can embarrass me more by wiping the floor with me? Dream on." But the dismissal was instantly softened with a bobbing tongue, then sank into a sheepish smile. He was coy as he added, "At least let me practice first."



Matt grinned, "Come on, it\'s the only time ever I\'ll get to be number one." His smile faded slightly and he looked about him. His imagination followed the journey upstairs, into his study, to set up the game. "But actually, I\'m quite enjoying being here."



"Really?"



"Laters? Eh?" Matt rubbed his face. "I can\'t believe I\'ve just said that. I.. prefer.. being... in... a chapel with you... to playing Super Smash Bros Brawl.. with you." He appeared stunned. "No, it still sounds like my voice."



Mello bit his lip over a smile, "This place is making us both act weird, Matt. I think there\'s something in the air."



The redhead leapt back dramatically, "Shit, I\'ve been cloned!"



Mello sniggered, eyes dancing with mirth and love and happiness. He tapped his finger against his lips. "Hmmm."



Matt leaned forward and kissed him, then looked in askance at how startled his lover seemed. "Sorry I thought it was a hint."



"I was just wondering," The blond smiled, pensively, "I wonder if God would be mad if we brought a television into a holy place. You think that would be overboard? Holy Super Smash Bros Brawl?"



His lover shrugged, "Don\'t ask me. You\'re the one with the hotline to Him upstairs."



They both laughed, but Mello had spotted the tell-tale bulging in the pocket of Matt\'s baggy shorts. "You want to try the PSP, and see if either of us gets stricken down?"



"\'kay." Matt removed it and, to a background of Mello\'s chuckling, cautiously switched the game on. His eyes rose and his head tilted back. Mello followed his gaze towards the ceiling. There were cobwebs up there that he hadn\'t noticed before. "No thunderbolt so far."



"Nope." Mello agreed. His mouth grew into a wide grin, then he caught Matt looking at him. "What?"



"Yeah, just felt a thunderbolt." He winked.



Mello melted in his gaze. He picked invisible lint off the leather stretched over his thighs, his whole face transformed by happiness. It was a perfect moment for him and he didn\'t quite know how to be in it. He let himself relax, just accept it for what it was. Himself, here, with Matt, in their beautiful home, at peace surrounded by the tokens of his faith. It was unbearably romantic and they were both safe. He smiled. "You know, it\'s kind of weird to say this, but I do feel like a kid again." He knew that he was in danger of breaking the mood of hilarity by becoming too serious and therefore morose again. He looked up and shook a finger at the ceiling. "No shocking my Matty, God! That\'s not nice." His ensuing laughter sounded like hysterics. Everything just felt too big to contain.



Matt gasped. "Hold on, there\'s something coming through."



"Oh really?"



"Yeah, really." The redhead concentrated. He brushed down the sense that he might have over-committed himself. He had a photographic memory, he could recall this from any of those times when he had heard it spoken. Matt crossed himself, noting Mello\'s watchful, slightly fascinated eyes. "Zdravo Marijo, milosti puna, Gospodin s tobom, blagoslovljena ti medju ženama i blagoslovljen plod utrobe tvoje, Isus." He could tell from the shock that his \'Hail Mary\' was at least recognisable, even if he was repeating sounds that he didn\'t comprehend. "Sveta Marijo, Majko Božja, moli za nas greš-nike sada i na cas smrti naše. Amen." Mello\'s mouth hung open. Matt brazened it out. "I guess that\'s confirmation that the PSP is ok?" He aped wonderment of his own. "It just, like, came to me." The blond still looked startled, but he moved forward, eyes and mouth closing as he reached for a kiss. Matt delivered it, smiling in self-satisfaction as they parted again. He pressed home his advantage. "This wedding then, were you thinking of a big event? Only I can\'t actually think of anyone out there who likes us enough to come." He cringed a little.



"I don\'t care." Mello stuck his chin out prettily. "I don\'t care. Just," He shrugged, "whatever it is, it\'s more than enough."



"We could ask Roger to give you away."



The blond spluttered out a laugh, "Now that would be a sight."



"Might just give him a heart attack in the process, which is the bonus."



Something occured to Mello and he glanced sharply at his lover, "And who said I\'d be the one being given away, hm? That automatically makes me the girl here!" It was hard to be even mock angry when Matt was grinning at him. Mello leaned across and flicked his forehead playfully, but Matt forestalled him with another kiss.



"You know you want to be the bride." The redhead responded airily. His lover just laughed. "You were the one picking flowers half an hour ago..."



"It\'s almost tempting, just to see the look on your face."



"... and talking about diets yesterday." Matt\'s ears caught up with what the blond had said. "You, in a wedding dress?" He laughed so hard that he fell over backwards and had to right himself with a hand on the narrow pew.



"Roger wouldn\'t be the only one having the heart attack. I think it would be quite funny, actually." He smirked, then grew serious as he surveyed Matt. "No."



Matt recovered, though his mouth still quivered at the edges, "You would actually look really pretty. More than normal, I mean."



Mello quietly blushed, even through his stern expression. "You\'re doing it again. Stop it."



"I\'ve learned the knack now. I\'ve found your level, Mello." He winked at the narrowing of those blue eyes. "So you\'re going for black leather or the black leather? Oh! There is the red coat, I suppose." He shrugged, considering the options. "Or the black leather."



"I think I would commit suicide, if it weren\'t a mortal sin. I just tried to imagine myself in a black leather wedding dress."



"Er... no."



"What have I come to?" He flailed dramatically, peering at Matt though his fingers.



Matt just laughed at him. "I told you you were camp. You\'ve just gone up a level to Goth Chick camp."



Mello turned, still on his knees, with a scraping of leather on cold stone. He faced the statues, candles and flowers of his altar and raised his hands in suplication. "God, save me from these evil thoughts! This..." His gaze flickered sidewards towards Matt, then back to the smiling gaze of Mother Mary. "And I\'m happy? Why am I happy? It must be the devil! This place isn\'t sacred anymore! Please, drive the devil out of this holy place!"



"I told you it was a mistake to let me in here." Matt watched his lover, musing on the fact that neither of them were even drunk. It felt unreal, this lightness. He had the unsettling feeling that he was seeing Mello as he could have been, if there hadn\'t been destruction and Wammy\'s House, the Mafia, Kira and everything else that had slowly crushed and reformed in a darker hue. But the blond was laughing so hard that he had to hold the altar not to fall over. Matt sniffed. "There was none of this when I was sitting out there minding my own, having a cigarette." He grinned, as his lover softly beat a hand against the wall.



"Such sweet sacrilege!" Mello sat back, wiping his shining eyes. "I feel so alive!"



Matt knew, suddenly, precisely what he was going to say next. He tasted the words, letting them slip through his mind a few times before he actually articulated them. They felt right. "Mihael. Bearing in mind that we couldn\'t do this legally, because of names; and we\'ve got no friends. How about doing it right here and now? I\'ll still become Catholic for you. Mary\'s here and we\'ve had a chat before. She\'s alright. She could witness it." Mello froze, cat-like, eyes wide. Then he seemed to fold in on himself, sitting back on his heels, his head bowed. Matt exhaled, wanting to kick himself for ruining the mood. "Ok bad idea. I\'ll find a Cathedral and hire some friends." He held his hands up in surrender.



Mello whispered, his words precise, "No, no, you can\'t see it, Matt, because I\'m not facing you, but I\'m smiling." His hands moved slowly up and down his bare arms, goosebumps forming there.



"We could still go with the Cathedral. Near on one side, Mafia on the other, loads of hackers in the middle. We could fill it if we really tried." Matt listened as Mello began to laugh, though his head never rose. "That policewoman you know, she might come." Two feet away from him, Mello\'s laughter became shuddery and dissolved into sobs, as realization kicked in at how alone they really were, that his dreams of being accepted by the world and the church really were just that. Matt sighed, reaching forward. "Aww, Mell." He gathered him into a cuddle. "I\'m sorry. I didn\'t intend to upset you."



Mello struggled out of the embrace. He gripped his rosary and curled into himself on the far side of the altar. "God, I\'m sorry." His words were gruff, belying the childlike nervousness in his eyes. "I shouldn\'t be breaking down like this. I don\'t do this."



Matt nodded, silently calling himself all the idiots under the sun for misreading his lover like this. He should have known, there was a precedent for how Mello would react. This was exactly what he did in Japan in very similar circumstances. Matt noticed that a tea-light had gone out, so he fished a replacement from the new basket of candles to his left and lit it with his lighter. It illuminated Mother Mary again. "You can. Break down I mean. It\'s safe. I\'m here and she\'s here."



Mello\'s face emerged again, tears streaming down his cheeks. He peered up at the Virgin, then down at the crucifix under his chin, clutched in shaking hands. Finally, his gaze took in the redhead, sitting quietly against the pew, just as he\'d sat on the stairs waiting last time. There, but not wanting to touch this, if the crisis was religious. He was ill-equipped for the theology and emotion. Long minutes passed before the blond\'s sobs receded and his rosary dropped back against his chest. He wouldn\'t cry about this. No, this was enough. Matt was enough. He dashed at his eyes, with an angry gesture, not wanting to cry anymore.



"Hey." Matt said, simply.



"Damn it." Mello whispered. He uncoiled and faced his lover properly, eyes sincere, a sigh punctuated by a small nod. "Yeah."



The redhead nervously opened his arms and Mello crawled into the embrace. "Yeah for...?" He foundered, then suggested tentatively the only context there was. "Now?"



"Let\'s do it now. Can we?" The blond looked at him with so much hope that Matt\'s heart nearly stopped.



"Huh?! Really? Wow!" Matt blinked rapidly. "Yes!"



Mello executed another of those lightning mood changes for which he was infamous, wriggling back away from him and taking his hands. He grinned mischeviously, in rebellion to the tears still staining his cheeks. "Sorry, I won\'t go with the whole wedding dress thing. You kind of sounded like you were looking forward to it." He squeezed his own elbows into his torso, shivering excitedly. His expression was pure coquettishness, emphasised with a wink.



Matt laughed, his own mind rushing to keep up. "Should I put a top on? I\'m at our wedding topless and covered in bruises." He shrugged. "I mean, good bruises, but like I\'m not sure how you.. erm.. " He blushed, not entirely sure himself what he was trying to say.



The blond released his hands and quickly started unzipping his own vest top. "Let\'s do it this way. We\'re in our own house, and we can do this. Why cover up? You show your bruises, I show my scars."



"Nice one!" Matt beamed, watching the impromptu strip-tease. But Mello stopped at being topless and just sat there, smiling at him. Matt had never seen his eyes twinkling like this, even during sex. "Erm.. can I ask another question please? It\'s a bit embarassing." His lover nodded in interest. "Have you got any middle names? Wammy\'s wasn\'t big on information. You\'ve never said."



"Ezra." Mello looked shocked, himself, at having said it, like it made real something that had only been in dreams before that moment. He pushed away thoughts of his parents; replaced them with the vision of Matt before him.



"Mihael Ezra Keehl. Sounds good." Matt took Mello\'s chin in his hands and kissed him full on the lips. "Tastes good. Looks good." He reached out, as Mello laughed and blushed, running a hand down his lover\'s neck. "Feels good."



Mello wriggled against him, squealing so femininely that Matt paused to laugh. "You\'re not too bad yourself, Mail Ricardo Sebastian Jeevas, soon-to-be Jeevas-Keehl."



Matt felt a chill pass through his heart. He disguised it beneath a hug, burying his face in Mello\'s shoulder, while conflicting thoughts and emotions raged through him. A past master at dissembling, as soon as he felt himself freezing, he covered it in a tighter grip, as if overwhelmed not by his own inner panic, but by the poignancy of this moment. Mello held him right back, smiling against his shoulder. Yet for their proximity, Matt could feel the distance opening up inside him, at odds with the emotion that just wanted to cleave Mello to him and merge them beyond recall.



It was just a name. Just a name, but Matt could feel himself falling, inwardly, into those vast canyons of soul that he kept even from Mello; even from himself. He wished he\'d allowed himself time to analyse it before now, because now wasn\'t the time. He had to think fast, make this alright inside himself before Mello grasped that something was wrong and this magical moment, with Mello seeming so stripped and innocent, would be lost. It was just a name. But Mello should know better than to try and change his name, not ever and especially not now, less than twenty-four hours after the brilliant Slav had broken through every defence and touched the raw soul shivering deep inside, stilling his hurt with paper and words, making him real. Mello should know not to touch that, the name he had fought so hard to gain and then cradled, protecting, under a veneer of answering to It Matters, to Matt.



Time was running out. All of this had screamed through Matt\'s mind in seconds, if he left it any longer, then Mello really would discern the wrong chord being struck. He had to decide what to do and how to react. He had to first trust that this wasn\'t cruelty on the part of his lover. Matt kissed Mello\'s neck, feeling the beautiful shiver that that engendered in the blond. Matt could accept it. This was Mello not realising just how valuable Matt\'s name was too him; or perhaps knowing full well, but thinking that adding his own name to it would be an imprint of possession, as welcome as the collar around Matt\'s neck, not quite grasping that it was yet another change of identity upon a personality which had never fully felt identified. That was it. It was Mello\'s vast intellect failing, not on the issue of names per se, but on the finer details. Matt opened his eyes. If he could accept \'Matt\' from Roger, he could accept the far more precious Keehl from Mello. He could hide the pain it caused him for the rest of his life if needful.



"Jeevas-Keehl?" Matt grinned and leaned back to see the happy blond again. "So my name ended up first? I thought you\'d be amused by Keehl-Jeevas."



Mello looked directly in to his eyes and, for a heart-stopping instant, Matt thought that he had read his thoughts. But the Slav smiled coyly, "I figured we were each using our own names first. We worked hard enough to be able to say them in the first place, I figured it would be a shame to disturb them." There was a moment where Mello\'s eyes locked with Matt\'s, searching, trying to communicate that he knew, but at the hurt in Matt\'s eyes he stopped, suddenly, fingering his ring and looking at his hands, and then up to Matt, pensive. Not wanting to ruin the moment, he added nervously, "So you\'re Jeevas-Keehl, and I\'m Keehl-Jeevas."



"Ok, works for me."



Mello bit his lip, recovering and smiling through it. He would take care of the issue later. His blue eyes twinkled far more alive than Matt ever remembered them being. They stood, facing one another, both hands held in each other\'s. "Are you ready to do this?"



"I\'ve gone really nervous." Matt chuckled, then grew slightly more serious. "Yes though."



"Yeah, me too." The blond bowed his head. Delight radiated out in waves from him.



"Do we even know what we\'re doing? Just make it up as we go along?" Matt glanced across at the statue of the Virgin. "I mean, what language we even doing this in? Croatian, English or L33t?"



Mello laughed, "I think English would be our best bet. The other two are foreign languages to at least one of us." He raised his head to gaze at Matt with sparkling eyes. His fingers squeezed gently.



"\'kay. I think you should start with a prayer. You can do that in Croatian if you want, whatever makes you know it\'s for real." The redhead grinned. "Because it is from where I\'m standing. Real, I mean." Mello nodded and closed his eyes. He began to sing, softly, with a surprisingly melodic voice, his eyes opening to gaze into Matt\'s again. It was a hymn, in Croatian, pulled from the very recesses of his memory from a happier, simpler time. Matt just watched him, barely believing that this was happening, listening to the rise and fall of Mello\'s notes, as he gained confidence and strength in the song. The more he listened, the wider Mello\'s smile, the more Matt realised that this was a joyous hymn of praise. The ancient language felt both strange and right from his lover\'s lips, clipping, then rising again in its cadences. Until it fell again, softly, into a close. Mello released a hand to cross himsef, then beamed at Matt. "Beautiful. Ask Mother Mary to come and watch or is she already here?"



Mello reached out to run his fingers over Matt\'s naked chest in the pattern of the cross. "I think she\'s been here all along. I\'m smiling too much for there to have not been some higher power watching over us."



"Ah, good." Matt had goosebumps. Whether the power was spiritual or merely in witnessing Mello so full of grace, he couldn\'t say, but he captured the hand again and looked back to the statue of the Virgin. "Ma\'am, I\'d like to take this beautiful man to be my husband. If I may. To love and cherish him for eternity."



The blond looked ready to burst with happiness, "And I, him back. To love and to cherish, to have and to hold," Mello blinked and suddenly there was a slight clouding of his mood, "until the day we die and through whatever we face beyond."



"To honour and obey him." Matt smirked, soliciting a coy grin back.



"To honor and to guide, and I ask for the strength to let me give myself to him in whatever ways he needs."



The reality of this struck Matt hard. Goosebumps covered his skin and he gasped out, overwhelmed, "Wow!" But he was supposed to be making his oaths. "Erm... to protect and serve him whatever happens, and follow him to the end of the earth, if necessary."



Instantly, Mello returned with, "To follow back. To always be there for him. To always come back to him. Never to leave him."



Matt bowed his head, but recovered himself to gaze up again, meeting those blue eyes. "To have the sense never to be anything less than he needs."



"To have the sense never to be anything more than he wants." Mello winked.



"To have the courage to tell him how I feel, even when I get all embarassed."



"To have the courage to listen, and to take his words with modesty and without pride." Mello inclined his head in a gesture of respect, "To tell him, back."



"To always be there for him, no matter what." Matt nodded back.



"To always be there for him." Mello grinned, reiterating the point. But tears threatened at the redhead\'s eyes, so he added, "Yes, and to never doubt the purity of our love."



Matt smirked, "To remember to tell him often that he\'s the most beautiful creature alive on this earth; and that I still can\'t believe I got him!"



"To remember to remind him that he deserves me more than he could ever imagine, for being the most beautiful man I\'ve ever known."



"To protect him with my life if necessary."



Mello\'s eyes glistened, "To give my life for him in all ways, be that if I have to die for him, or live for him with everything I have."



Matt squeezed Mello\'s hands, "Everything I am, everything I have, is his. Forever."



"Mail Ricardo Sebastian Jeevas, I take you to be my husband, and to give myself to you, completely, until the end of time."



"Mihael Ezra Keehl, I take you to be my husband, and to give myself to you, completely, until the end of time."



They stopped, staring at each other. Though this had begun as something for Mello, connecting his earthly love with his spirital faith, Matt felt it too. Out of context, he probably would have laughed at the absurd sentimentality of it all, but right here and now, it felt right. All that filled his mind was the fact that Mello was committed now to staying by his side forever. It felt like the glorious pinnacle of a life-long quest. Matt shivered, leaning forward to kiss Mello like he was something sacred and the blond responded, urgently. If the world was ending around them, their kiss could not have held more.



"Mail, I\'m yours."



"Mihael, I\'ve always been yours." Matt blinked away tears. "Now it\'s official and Mother Mary watched it happen." He grinned suddenly, "Did I just really get you? Wow!"



Mello laughed, claiming another kiss, "You\'ve always had me."



Matt stared. It came again, that sensation of falling, though his feet remained firmly on the ground. He felt as though, if he turned around, he would see himself in endless repetition, from child to adult, all peering back at Mello now. All watching in disbelief and wonder. He pulled his hands free and used them to gather the blond into his arms, pressing all of that emotion into his kiss and just hoping that it would be communicated to Mello. The love, the passion, the friendship, the need, the wanting, the everything. The Slav began to tremble and Matt drew back. "Was it enough, Mello?"



Mello couldn\'t speak. Feeling more safe and more alive than ever before, he was rendered speechless. His gaze worshipped, his face was not wide enough to contain his smile, so he said nothing. He ran his hands over Matt\'s body, resting finally on his backside, and just nodded. Then the words came to him. "I love you."



"I love you too, Mihael Ezra Keehl-Jeevas, more than you\'ll ever know." As Mello made to reply, Matt kissed him, then grabbed his hand to remove the ring that had been placed on his finger in Japan. He brought it to his lips and grinned as he replaced it on Mello\'s finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."



Trying not to cry, Mello looked down at his finger and touched the ring with the fingertips of his other hand. When he raised his head, he had better control of his emotions. A more dominant self stared fondly back, so overwhelmed by the vunerable soul beneath that he could barely hold it in place. But he held Matt possessively, kissing with an intense hunger, claiming and owning. He took Matt\'s ring off too, mirroring what the redhead had done with his own, but then gently tipped back Matt\'s head and kissed the collar. "With these, I thee wed."



Matt jolted in shock. The collar had always meant more to him than the ring, the latter seemingly superflicious and often being inconvenient too, when it caught on machinery or motherboards, but he had not realised that Mello knew that. Their eyes met again and Mello winked. Matt bit his lip against a spreading grin, "Wow!"



Mello\'s snicker turned into a girlish giggle, "I almost can\'t believe this is real, Matt. It\'s almost too good, you know?"



Matt nodded. "That\'s because it is real, Mihael. You just got married, all romantically, in the presense of..." Matt glanced to his side, taking in the statues and other acruements of Catholicism. He released Mello, but took his hand and guided him to face the altar again. "Ok, before Almighty God, Mother Mary and all of the Saints, I now declare us married."



Mello\'s head was bowed. "Amen."



"People stand before God in a church, Mell. The priest is incidental. A representative, you know? We\'re just cutting out the middle man and Mother Mary can pass on the message to the Almighty." Matt winked as Mello looked up. "Do you need to do another prayer to close it?"



With the tiniest of nods, Mello moved to face his husband again. "Yes, and this is my prayer." He took Matt in his arms and kissed him for the longest time. "Amen."