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Life After Near Death	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 14426 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
- 28
- 29
- 30
"I'd rather be hit with fists than harsh words. They do less damage."
― Anonymous

Chapter 29

Aren't You Ashamed?

Natsu was distracted all through his mission with Happy. He had an uncanny feeling that he should not have left. Every time he looked off and saw snowy mountains, he got a shiver, like something bad was happening while he was not around.
However, stalking Gray for two weeks had a bad side effect: they were out of money and out of food. He and Happy needed to do this mission purely for the money. He had estimated it would take only two days, time to go down there, do the mission, and then walk back home. When the mission took longer, he began fretting. He even opted to take the train back despite his motion sickness, just so he could get home sooner.
His gut told him something was seriously wrong, and he anxiously wanted to get back home to find out.
When he burst into the guild, he immediately looked around and saw a shirtless, muscular back. At least Gray was here and not out on a date.
Still nervous, Natsu went to Lucy first. "How's it going?"
She jolted from a journal she was writing. "Natsu! Welcome back."
"Did I miss anything?"
"No. You were only gone for a few days."
He glanced over to Gray again. "So, nothing happened? No new developments? No changes?"
"Um, no?" she said questioningly. Then she saw where he was focusing. "No rumors about anything at all, not even people hooking up with a date," she said, hoping that helped.
"Good, good."
"Did something happen? Some development?" she asked softly.
Pouting, Natsu muttered, "I'm not sure about that yet."
He stood and began walking up to that bare back sitting at the bar. His heart raced wildly. How could he approach this issue? He almost wanted to run off to Rei-chan and ask her for advice again, but he knew that this time he was on his own.
"Gray?"
He jolted and looked back. The stormy blue eyes widened in shock, pink tinted his cheeks, but then Gray quickly looked away. "Hey," he grumbled.
"Look, um … about before. I … I didn't—"
"Shut up," Gray whispered. His fist slowly clenched.
Natsu jolted. He wanted to tell Gray he did not mean to leave like that, but there was no helping it. He had forgotten that Happy mentioned about taking a mission, and it was just bad timing. Then he wondered if maybe Gray felt embarrassed, having a conversation like this in front of everyone.
Yes, that must be it! It was something they should discuss in private.
How could they escape together and not have everyone questioning it?
"Hey, how about we finish that fight?" Natsu said cheerfully. "We were interrupted and—"
"I said … shut … up," Gray snarled.
Natsu felt a chill, and he noticed a drink on the bar starting to frost over. "Gray?" No reply. "Gray, are you okay?" He put his hand on the bare arm, but Gray yanked it away.
"Stay the hell away from me," he screamed, slashing his arm out and sending a frosty wave in front of him that froze Natsu's hand and blasted away some mugs sitting on tables.
Natsu shivered, not from cold, but from fear. What had happened? He thought he made his feelings clear during that kiss. Even if Gray rejected them, a person would not normally react this angrily. What happened while he was gone?
"What's wrong with you?" he asked worriedly.
"No, what's wrong with you?" Gray sneered at him. "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"
Those spiteful words shocked Natsu, and he started to panic internally. "G-Gray, what are you—?"
"You think that low of your friends, huh?"
"Hey!" Natsu shouted. "I don't know what your problem is, but don't you dare accuse me of looking down on my friends. After all that I did for you…"
Gray shook his head and hissed in anger, "You just pity me."
He suddenly stormed out of the guild hall as his magic began to lose control. A frosty wake followed in his path, icing every drink in the guild hall, even Cana's massive barrel of sake. As he stepped out into the August sun, it felt too hot, too goddamn hot! With a roar of frustration, he threw a punch at the sky, and a burst of blue magic shot up. It hit a cloud, which grew, darkened, and covered over all of Magnolia. The temperature plummeted. People around town shouted as the warm summer day froze into a blustery winter and snow began to fall from the sky. Children in shorts and sandals cried as they rubbed their arms and raced into the nearest building. Gray glared around as the world turned cold.
When Natsu ran out of the guild, it stunned him to see snow on the ground and a blizzard raging on an August afternoon.
"Gray!" he shouted over the fierce, icy winds. He pulled his scarf up a little higher. "Gray, stop this. Let's talk."
The ice wizard twirled around and glared at him. "Do I look that miserable to you, Natsu? Am I so pathetic that you'd show pity on me in the most degrading way possible?"
"Wh-what?" The snow had already drifted up on his shoulders. "What'd I do?"
"You know damn well what you did!"
"No, I don't. Gray—"
"Kissing me!" he bellowed. "Have you no fucking shame? Using me like that when I'm weak and desperate! You lowlife bastard!"
Natsu's mouth dropped in shock, and hurt clouded his eyes. "I … I didn't—"
"Did you think I'm such a slut, I'd go for just anyone?"
"Wha-? Of course not!" Natsu shouted.
"You've been on my case since those two girls in that northern resort town. You think I fuck anyone at all, don't you?"
"No!"
"Did you really think I would want you of all people?"
Natsu felt himself breaking. He knew rejection was a possibility, but this…!
"I … I thought you—"
"You fucking pinned me down, and then you … you kissed me so … so…"
So ambivalently! Like he wasn't even sure if he wanted it! There was no way Natsu honestly would want it! No way! He was just a dragon showing dominance.
Natsu's throat choked up. He had smelled the arousal during that kiss, though. He really thought Gray wanted it. He had acted like he did. He said he wanted more! So why was Gray saying this now?
Natsu dropped his head. "If you're not interested in me, you just had to say so." Then his eyes flared in rage. "You don't have to attack the whole town." He leaped forward and punched Gray across the face. "And you didn't have to insult me!" His fist bashed into Gray's face again.
Gray pounded Natsu in the chest with a ram of ice. "I'm the one insulted, pinned down, forced! What a friend you are, using your own teammate for your perverted mindgames."
"Bastard!" Natsu screamed. He roughly grabbed Gray's neck and yanked him forward. Natsu's eyes stared dangerously into Gray's. "After all that I did for you, all I sacrificed for your sake, don't you dare call me a terrible friend! I will beat you right here until you take back your words, you fucking droopy-eyed bastard!"
Gray choked and sputtered. He grabbed Natsu's wrist and began to freeze his whole arm. "Let … me … go!"
Natsu punched him just as he released Gray's throat, sending him flying backward. Flames flickered around Natsu as he huffed in anger.
"Stop the storm at least," Natsu said levelly. "I won't bother you anymore."
"See!" Gray shouted. "You were teasing me, and that's all. You're not serious about this. You're never serious about anything."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You're giving up so easily."
"Why should I fight if you're rejecting me?" he said in anguish. "You can't force someone to love you. You're telling me clearly this time. You're popular with girls, and you were happy with Juvia, so of course you wouldn't be interested in a guy. I have to respect that. That's … that's what you do when you … when you l-love someone," he whispered. "You respect their feelings, even if those feelings don't include you."
Gray wavered for a moment. Wait, was Natsu crying? Was he actually serious about this? Although that was one of the most mature things he had ever heard come out of Natsu's mouth, it was also one of the saddest voices he had ever heard him use.
"You hated it, didn't you?" Gray asked quietly. "After you kissed me, you looked sick, ready to vomit."
"I shouldn't have done it that way," Natsu muttered.
"Shouldn't … have?" Gray felt shocked by the seriousness of his tone and stared back in shock, unable to yell back. "Wait, what way?"
Natsu clenched his fists as his head stayed low, his bangs hiding his eyes as he spoke slowly. "Forceful like that. It was wrong, and it made me so angry at myself, I felt sick. I wanted to give you the best kiss in the world, something you'd never forget, and instead … instead … I just forced you. And you didn't even want it."
"Wait, I … I didn't…" He did want it! He thought Natsu was the one who hated it.
Natsu continued bitterly, "Y'know, I wanted to give up on you. I've tried to ignore it before, but now … I've had enough of you! Go have whatever sort of life you want, marry some lady, have thirty babies for all I care." He swung his arms out and shouted, "I'm done!" He turned around to leave.
Gray reached out and grabbed his arm, but Natsu did not turn back around. He glanced out at the snow. This was a reflection of Gray's feelings. How cold and lonely!
"Don't tell me you're surrendering and running away!" the ice wizard screamed.
Natsu yanked his arm out of that cold grip and turned back with a fierce tone. "It's you who's running away!" He saw Gray's face change into a worried expression.
Nervously, Gray asked, "What do you mean?"
Natsu eyed him before he replied, "You keep running away … from me."
Gray's anxiety increased, and a drop of sweat fell down the side of his head.
Natsu felt calmer now, and he said softly, "You probably think I'm an idiot, falling for you of all people. And yeah, it's stupid," he admitted bitterly. He stared at Gray with narrow eyes. "You say you don't want me. Fine! You don't have to worry anymore. I've given up."
Gray jolted. "What?" he whispered in shock.
"You heard me. I'm surrendering. I showed you how I feel, I was finally honest, and you gave me your reply. I can't make you love me, so … I surrender. I won't feel that way about you anymore."
"H-hey! Wait!" Gray shouted.
"You should be happy, right?" Natsu shouted. "I won't be disgusting to you anymore. I was honest, I got pushed away, so I give up. I'm not wasting my time being caught up in these crazy emotions. I'm done! I don't care anymore."
Gray grabbed him by the scarf. "Don't lie."
Natsu shoved him hard until Gray stumbled back into the souvenir stand. "I'm sick of this," he screamed. "I'm sick of being confused, being scared of what you'll think of me. You don't want me? Then I'm done with it. We can go back to being rivals and arguing and none of this emotional bullshit." Natsu sneered and turned his face away as tears stung in his eyes. "Why would anyone have any feelings for a droopy-eyed bastard like you? And why would you want some idiot like me? You deserve better. You should go back to Juvia."
"I don't want Juvia," Gray yelled.
"Then fuck whoever you want," Natsu screamed. "Fuck as many girls as you want. I'm sick of it, and I don't care anymore."
"Stop lying!"
Gray punched him. Natsu lost his balance in the snow, and Gray barreled toward him, shouldering him in the stomach and thrusting him back. Natsu felt his back slam into the brick wall surrounding the guild grounds.
"Do you know who's sick of being confused?" Gray screamed. "Me!"
Before Natsu could yell back, he was silenced with a forceful kiss. His eyes widened in shock. Why would Gray kiss him? What sort of response was this?
Gray pulled back a little, breathing hard, and whispered in anguish, "I'm the one who's confused about you, idiot. You keep lying, keep walking away, keep leaving me feeling mixed up. How the hell am I supposed to deal with this alone if you surrender?" Then he sealed their lips again with a gentler, passionate kiss.
Natsu's tension eased as he melted into the kiss. Gray's tongue tapped Natsu's lips, and slowly he parted them. The two tongues that had longed for each other for so many months now glided against each other as their hands explored. Natsu groaned as Gray crushed his body against the wall, and those icy fingers slipped up under his shirt, tingling his skin.
Gray was kissing him, truly kissing him back! Natsu wondered if this was just another dream, or if it would end in another fight.
Finally, they pulled back, panting and out of breath. They stared into each other's eyes as their hearts raced.
In sorrow, Gray asked, "Do you really not care about me?"
Saddened that he had said those lies just to fool himself, Natsu shook his head.
"Then tell me how you feel," he pleaded. "Tell me honestly. No teases, no jokes, no brushing it off as nothing important. Tell me! And be blunt enough so I understand."
Being forced to say it made Natsu shiver. He opened his mouth, but the words stuck. His cheeks grew hotter as he struggled to confess.
"I'm … in love with you."
"Is that the honest truth?"
Slowly, Natsu nodded.
After a few seconds of silence, Gray spoke again. "Since when? How long have you kept this from me?"
Natsu thought back to when it began. "Sometime after you were injured, that's when it started."
"You mean my legs," Gray realized. That was last year! "You should have said something."
"Like what? I didn't understand how I felt, or what to do, or … or anything! I've never felt like this toward a man. It's terrifying to realize I'm not like everyone else."
Gray's mouth dropped, realizing he had thought the exact same thing every day for months now. He thought he had been the only one frightened by these feelings, a desire for the same sex, something he never experienced before in his life.
"Right from the start," Natsu continued, "I knew you wouldn't want me. Be honest, Gray. If I had said 'I love you' back then, when you were still in a wheelchair, would you have gone out with me?"
Gray said nothing, because he knew the truth. He had been mad at Natsu during that time, since he lost in the fight, and Natsu had won. If Natsu had confessed back then, Gray would have just laughed and mocked him.
"So what was I supposed to do, huh?" Natsu asked bitterly.
"But you didn't do anything at all. Back then, all this time, even now, you … you could have done something to clue me in."
"I did!" he shouted. "I tried to take care of you, I ran all over Fiore to find a way to heal you, and I—" His words cut off sharply. He almost admitted that he had nearly died to give Gray his leg back, but Natsu was not ready to admit to that sacrifice, not yet. Now was the worst time to admit to something like that and make Gray feel guilty.
"You took a fucking prostitute!" Gray screamed. "Do you have any idea how mad that made me?"
"I have an idea." Natsu glared up. "I was fully aware while in a coma, and I heard you ask out Juvia. I was pissed as hell, and I couldn't escape my own mind while listening to you abandon me for her. So yeah, Gray. I have an idea about how mad it can make a person when someone they like hooks up with someone else purely to escape reality."
"Shit," Gray whispered.
He had wondered about that time, and he had started to go to the hospital to ask Natsu if it was true. Rei-chan had stopped him, riled him up, and he ended up going home instead … to masturbate to the fantasy of Natsu.
Gray grabbed the pink scalp and rested his forehead against Natsu's. "You idiot. Why did you keep silent about it all this time?"
Natsu said nothing as he remembered all of his lone torture.
"For all those months, Natsu! For months! You were pushing me away!" he accused. "You're a goddamn bastard, making me think it was a girl. How can you expect me to believe you honestly feel that way about me when all along … all those things you said … always making me think it was someone else! Those things you said about what it's like to be in love. That was all about me, wasn't it?"
That was true. Natsu loved him, but he had shoved Gray aside, even took another stripper, all on the pretense of preparing himself for Gray. He had decided to let Gray keep thinking the person he loved was a woman purely so he would never be bothered with the notion that the person tormenting his heart was Gray himself. That decision in the end hurt Gray's feelings.
"You idiot," Gray sobbed. "I thought I couldn't say anything because you were in love with some girl."
Natsu finally looked up. "Couldn't say anything?" he repeated.
"I tried so many times to question you, trying to see if maybe it was actually me, but whenever I said it was a girl, you never said it wasn't. You were lying! This whole goddamn time, you let me believe a lie."
"I never said it was a girl."
"You never said it wasn't," Gray screamed. "So what else was I supposed to think? Everything you did, I thought it was just teases. Even as I began to feel … something … whenever I tried to hint around at it, you just laughed it off, said it was weird, or … or teased me!"
"How the hell did I tease you?" Natsu snapped.
"Remember that arm wrestling contest? You won because you winked and blew a kiss, and I was so fucking messed up that I lost myself. But then you just gloated. You had just been playing around. And then that kiss, I thought it was just more teasing, and I hate that. I seriously hate the idea that you were just teasing me again, or that maybe you were kissing me out of pity, like how everyone else has been bending over backwards to cater to me out of pity. I hated the idea that you, of all people, would stoop that low. I've been messed up with my emotions for months, and the most I could get out of you were your damn teases."
Natsu's eyes grew wide. "Months?" Had Gray truly been feeling this way for that long? All this time as Natsu feared that confessing would push Gray away, the ice wizard had been fearing the exact same thing.
"That's why I was so angry," Gray gnashed, "because I thought you'd go so far at teasing me, you'd even do that. Kissing me!"
"I was waiting."
"For what?" Gray bellowed.
"For a sign. A word, a look, anything! Even if I could have just smelled a change in you, that would have been enough. I waited and waited until I was going mad, and I hated you for that, hated you for … for confusing me with these feelings, and then running off with Juvia, leaving me to sort it out alone."
Natsu slammed his eyes shut. He did not want to blame Juvia for this—she was innocent—and he could not really blame Gray when he also had never said the words to make Gray realize the person he was interested in was not a girl, but a man. All he had to do was correct a single pronoun: she to he.
"Then," he said softer, "I thought maybe that kiss on the hill was enough to show you, and I hoped you'd like it. I really thought you did. I thought your smell changed. But just now, you shoved me away." Tears came to Natsu's eyes, and he squeezed them tighter, trying to force them back, wishing he could simply burn them away. "I thought you hated it, and hated me, and … and this was the rejection I've been dreading all this time. Goddammit, do you know how much that hurt, taking such a massive chance, throwing myself at your mercy, showing you how I feel since I'm no good with words, only to be told I should feel ashamed of myself? I … it was…" His cheeks were wet now, and he hated the pain still burning in his heart.
Gray pulled Natsu closer until his body brushed against the solid, hot chest. "Shit. We're both goddamn idiots."
"I wanted you!" Natsu sobbed, unable to hold back anymore. He grabbed around Gray, holding him, as if he might melt away into yet another dream. "So much, for so long, and … and you turned me down … you stupid stripper!"
"Not this time," Gray whispered. He caressed Natsu's cheek and tipped his chin up. "I've been such an asshole. I'm the one who's ashamed."
Their lips sealed again in a tender kiss. Natsu's tears dried up. He slowly held Gray, pulling him in, realizing this was really, truly happening. He felt Gray's bare back, rubbing his hands over the cold skin. Without warning, Natsu grabbed him, yanking him forward. Gray ran his hand through Natsu's hair, pulling it slightly to tilt Natsu's head up so they could deepen the kiss.
They both had fantasies of doing this with each other. They had yearned for one another for too long. Now, being caught in the moment, they could not stop. Their breaths got raspier, and their bodies felt hotter with every touch. The raging blizzard hid them from view, the snow fluttered around, yet the Dragon Slayer's warmth was enough for them both.
Natsu's feelings for dominance surged. He grabbed Gray and roughly pressed him back, smashing into the souvenir cart again until the wooden pillars groaned. As he dived down for another kiss, their groins brushed over each other. Natsu made a slight thrust, and Gray's head jerked back, making him break the kiss to moan at that heat rubbing his aching arousal.
"Damn, you sound sexy," Natsu groaned in a husky, half-snarling voice. "Do you want this?" He was not leaving anything to chance anymore. He would not be forceful only to feel guilty. Natsu was determined to ask, get consensus for every action, so he knew if this was something Gray also wanted.
"Yes," Gray hissed.
Fire surged through Natsu's heart. Yes! He wanted it! For certain this time, he wanted it!
He pushed Gray harder, and the ice wizard was forced back, bowing his spine until his shoulders laid across a table lined with plush dolls of the various guild members. Natsu leaned over him, caging him in with his arms, and thrust his burning mouth onto the swollen lips. Gray felt trapped, just like in his dreams about the icy tower, but this time the dragon was tearing down the walls, warming his heart, the land, the lake, the sunflower fields, and all the frost was melting. The blizzard around them stopped, clouds parted, and the sun shined down, glittering off the frosted land. Gray shuddered as the summer sun's heat penetrated him.
"Natsu," he moaned. He wanted more. More heat. More … penetrating … heat.
Gray shivered as Natsu made another thrust against him and slid along the stiffness growing in his pants. His throat clenched as a whine bubbled up. Natsu's lips hungrily went to Gray's neck to taste him. His tongue licked up, tasting sweaty salt, a tang of some aftershave he had begun to associate with Gray's smell, and something else, a taste of flesh and pure Fullbuster.
"Is here okay?" he asked.
Gray nodded rapidly, grasping at Natsu's shoulders.
Those burning lips sucked lightly, seeking out any good spots. He knew he found one when Gray's hands clawed into him, and his throat choked up. Smiling to himself, Natsu drew back his lips, exposed his sharp canines, and softly dragged he teeth over the skin in a bite not meant to leave a mark, but mentally he was still claiming Gray.
"H-hey!" Gray shivered.
"Is it okay?" he asked, licking that spot again, wanting to put a mark there.
"No!" Gray cried out.
Natsu pouted, but he obeyed. Gray was not ready to be claimed yet, or maybe it was because the neck was so visible, and he stripped from his clothes so often. In any case, if Gray said no, he would refrain.
"Just—" Gray took Natsu's cheeks in both hands and pulled him up from his neck. "Just this much for now."
Natsu leaned down and kissed him again. "This much?"
"Yeah," Gray sighed softly. "This. This is good." He loved the taste of Natsu's cinnamon-fiery mouth.
Natsu kissed him with the fervency he had wanted to show Gray the first time, but on the hill he had feared rejection, feared his own aggressiveness, and tried to back away. Now, he felt how Gray pulled at him, arms grasping, and the smell … there was no questioning the smell this time. His hands went up to Gray's face to take away the desire to touch elsewhere, places they could get to another day when they were not out in the open. One hand hooked around Gray's jaw, tilting his head up, while the other played through the black hair as they kissed.
Again, Gray felt a pressure on his lips, the hand on his jaw tried to urge him to open, and Gray lost the will to fight this. He shut his eyes and felt ice cracking apart inside of him, crumbling under the heat of that tongue and the pressure of Natsu's body.
He really did hear a crack from somewhere. The souvenir stand tilted a bit more.
As Gray's mind defrosted, he began to think too much. Kissing women never made him think like this, but Natsu was different. All of this was different. This changed everything. Him. Them. The team. It would all change. That terrified him, yet every time that fear tried to freeze him, Natsu's fingers scraped his scalp, or his hand stroked over the stubble of his cheeks, and Gray melted all over again.
Freezing. Melting. Over and over. Chaotic. Terrifying. Needed!
"Gray."
Just the way Natsu said his name with such warmth sent a tremble through him.
"I want…"
Gray heard another crack. Suddenly, the entire souvenir stand began to lean over dangerously.
"Oh shit!" Natsu yelled.
He yanked away from the kiss and tried to grab at the shelves falling over, dumping their inventory, but too late. The whole building was collapsing. Gray grabbed Natsu out of the way, yanking him to his chest to protect him from getting buried as the whole structure crashed down, shattering everything stored inside.
"Are you okay?" Gray asked Natsu.
He knocked a keychain charm of Mira off his shoulder. "Yeah, you?"
"You're a reckless idiot."
Natsu had to laugh. He really was reckless.
Suddenly, they heard voices from inside the guild hall.
"Hey, the storm stopped."
"What was that crash?"
"My stand!"
"Boys!"
That shout from Erza scared them more than being found by their guild mates or facing Max for destroying his prized souvenir stand. Natsu grabbed Gray's hand and yanked him away.
Lucy stepped outside into the snow just in time to see a flutter of a white scarf and Gray being dragged out the gate by the hand. She smiled to herself. About time!
Erza came up beside her. "It seems they finally sorted things out."
Lucy nodded. "Took them long enough."
"It's not easy, confessing your love to someone that a part of you feels you should hate, yet being unable to completely hate them."
Lucy glanced up at the redhead and wondered if she meant Jellal. He had done some horrible things to them all, especially to Erza, yet it was obvious the two had feelings for each other.
Down by the souvenir stand, Max fell to his knees in front of the ruined merchandise and sobbed over a broken action figure.
"My stand!" he wailed.
Mira walked up to him with an apologetic smile. "Nothing to do but clean it up and rebuild."
She handed him the broom and dust pan. Max clutched his broom to his chest as he sobbed.
Next Chapter: "Under the Shade of a Tree"
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Life After Near Death