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(Never) Let Him Know	By : Fullmetal_Masochist Category: -Misc Anime > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1808 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or any of the characters in the series. I am making no money from this story.

Chapter List
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A black and white checkered floor. Shadows surrounded the edge of an expansive room. A single chair left in the middle with a single person sitting there. Their identity concealed within those shadows. Approaching them, I'm halted by a barrier I can't see but can feel when I push my hands out in front of me. They know that I'm here now, standing up from their seat as they walk towards me. As they get closer, there are brief moments when a light strong enough to keep the shadows at bay can be seen. In those moments I see a young man, his hair dark and neatly trimmed. He keeps his eyes focused on the ground and stops several feet away from the invisible border.
As he slowly raises his face to look at me, I see his cheeks are wet with tears. He finally speaks with a tremble in his voice as I try my hardest to recognize him.
"Don't forget me."
Suddenly, his face twists in a horrifying display of pain and a flash of light makes everything change. I'm in a different room, and even though I know I'm not physically there, I can still feel the chill in the air. I'm back in the place where I was found. Only I'm not alone, there are several men near me, reaching towards me with evil intent on their minds. Their hands are pulling me towards them as I cry out for help. One of them slaps their hand over my mouth, muffling my voice as the rest of them continue their assault. All I see is their faces closing in over me, pushing me down and holding me captive. There's pain, shame, and despair in that room with me now. The light that I saw has gone dim. My fear of the dark was born here. It wasn't specifically the dark that I feared, but those who lurked within it.
Drenched in sweat, I sat up in bed with my chest heaving. My eyes were wet with tears that I wiped away with my pajama sleeve.
"Not again. Why is it the same nightmare over and over?" Since I was rescued from what I learned was a Ghoul prison by Hide, I've had this recurring dream several times a week. I never find out the identity of the black-haired boy or why he doesn't want to be forgotten. Those same cruel men have their way with me every time as well.
The real terror is trying to figure out if these scenes are real or fake. My memories don't go beyond that prison, and that scares me as much as the nightmares. I know I had a life before that point, but I can't remember any of it. It's like a part of me was broken away, and I'm struggling to find the pieces. But even if I find them, what will happen when I try to piece them back together again?
"Haise, it's me, are you up? We'll be leaving for your PT appointment soon," said Hide as he knocked gently on the door before entering. He saw my appearance and realized what happened. "You had that dream again, didn't you? Here, let's get you cleaned up, you can't be comfortable soaked in sweat like that."
"I wish I knew why it was the same thing every time, Hide. Or how I could stop them." I moved closer to the edge of the bed while Hide positioned the wheelchair next to it. This was our routine each morning since I left Anteiku and started staying with him three weeks ago. I was slowly regaining my ability to walk thanks to Hide taking me to my physical therapy sessions and working with me.
"I'm sure if you give it time, those dreams will eventually fade away. And up we go!" Hide said as he lifted me from the bed and transferred me to the chair. The brief moments when he holds me bring me this odd feeling of happiness. It's something I looked forward to whenever it was time for me to get up for the day. His strong arms and the warmth of his body were comforting after waking up in terror so many times.
Hide pushed me to the bathroom, where he helped me bathe before getting me dressed to go out. I enjoyed those moments too, although I felt guilty for Hide having to go through so much trouble for me. But he never complained or looked inconvenienced, so I didn't want to say something that would ruin our little routine. But even though he had told me that he'd explain things in bigger detail when I first woke up, whenever I ask, he avoids the subject. I suppose he doesn't want to say anything to spoil the current situation, either.
"Okay, everything should be good to go, let's get you back on your feet again!"
"You are far too cheerful over this. But I do appreciate the motivation. It's been tough, but you make it easier to handle."
"Anything I can do to help, you know that," Hide replied as he pushed me out the door and locked up.
"Hide, can we make a deal this time? If I finish all my exercises today without falling, will you answer my questions about what happened at the prison?"
He stopped the chair, and I didn't need to look back to know that he had that sad, serious expression he gets when I bring this subject up.
"Yeah, I will." He started moving again, but was unusually silent as we made our way to the therapy building. I wondered if I had made a mistake asking that. But once we started my exercises, he was back to normal again.
The parallel bars were my last routine for the day, and my hardest one to do. I had only made it halfway during the previous visits before my legs gave out. I did my best to focus on the end, where Hide was standing and shouting cheesy yet inspiring things to me. I made it past the middle, and even though my muscles were burning, I pushed forward, taking small and awkward steps until I was nearly at the end.
"You're doing great, Haise! Just a little further," Hide said as he clapped for me. I couldn't help but smile as I took the final steps and reached the end of the bars. I celebrated a little too soon, lost my grip on the bar and started to fall towards him. Hide dove forward and caught me in his arms well before I got close to the floor. Being held by him and staring into his eyes made my heart beat harder in my chest. For a moment it looked like he didn't want to let me go. We lingered in this awkward embrace a little longer, then he picked me up and carried me to the wheelchair.
"Uhh, oops. But that doesn't count, right? I did finish everything before I fell."
He gave a short laugh as he sat me back in my chair. "Yeah, I suppose you win. It's about time we talk about that stuff anyway. I just didn't want to say anything before you were ready. Let's get something to eat and then we'll talk at home."
"Yeah, sounds good." I knew that he wouldn't be able to join me for a real meal. One thing he didn't keep from me was the fact that he was a Ghoul. I knew what Anteiku was and that him getting something to eat meant stopping there for his own 'food.'
"Hello, Hide, and welcome back Haise, you look better every time I see you." The older man that owned the coffee shop, Dr. Yoshimura, took care of my injuries after I was found and set up my physical therapy sessions.
"Thank you, sir. I made it across the parallel bars today."
"Wonderful! Here, let me get you a cup of coffee, sounds like you could use an energy boost."
Hide interrupted him, "Sorry, we'll have to take a raincheck. We have a lot to discuss when we get home. I'm going to tell him what he wants to know."
Yoshimura set the cup back down and nodded his head, "I see. Are you sure you're prepared to tell him? Or that he's ready to hear it?"
"Yes, I think we're both ready. I just need to pick up some supplies from you."
The two of them retreated to the back room. The shop was busier today than the last time we stopped in. I suppose it was because the college classes had finished for the day. The girl at the counter kept her eye on me even while dealing with her influx of customers. She had introduced herself as Kirishima Touka shortly after I woke up. Her expression then was the same as it was now, concern mixed with sadness. A lot of the people at Anteiku give off that same feeling when they see me. They must be involved with my past, but I'm not sure what they expect when I can't remember any of it.
Hide and Yoshimura reappeared, and we quickly said our goodbyes and headed home. We stopped at an intersection and waited for the pedestrian light to turn.
"Did you want to get the bento from that corner shop again? You must have worked up an appetite after all that activity today. You should celebrate with something tasty."
"It's not necessary to go out of the way, Hide, I'm not that hungry right now," I said as I scratched the edge of my chin lightly.
"You can't fool me, Haise, I know that isn't true," he replied as he watched me move my hand away from my face, "My treat today, what do you want?"
"Well, if you're insisting, a hamburger meal sounds good."
"I thought so, that was always your fav... Erm, yeah, n-not a bad choice. I know where to find the best one in this part of town too!" He got us moving again and continued to talk nervously until we got to the shop and picked up my dinner.
Once we got back to his apartment, he set up the food and wheeled me up to the table. He sat across from me with nothing but a cup of coffee in front of him. I knew he had once been human, capable of eating this same food. But now it was impossible for him to stomach it, and it made me feel bad to eat it in front of him. As hungry as I was, my mind wanted to be sated before my body.
"Hide, why was I in the Ghoul prison?"
He took in a deep breath and sighed. "Straight to the point, that's another difference that's easy to pick up between the two of you. I'll give you your answers, but you should eat first. It's going to take a while, and some of what I say may not sit well on an empty stomach."
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(Never) Let Him Know