Crash

Chapter 3


Yuki was still shaking when he chased the ambulance attendants into
the hospital. He couldn\'t see much except for tubes and machines and…
the blood…. He gasped quietly whenever he saw the red stain, as if
it was for the first time, shocking him. //This isn\'t happening.
Goddamnit, this isn\'t real!// Shrugging off the blanket he\'d been
given by the crew he continued to give chase, but was stopped when
the gurney was directed through a set of double doors. \"Wait—wait, I
want to be in there,\" he protested, starting to follow.

\"Sir—Sir! I\'m sorry, but you need to stay here,\" a nurse instructed,
keeping him from entering with her slight but formidable body. \"You
need to go sit down so the doctors can stabilize—oh for heaven\'s
sake!\" she cried when the man ignored her and tried to continue.

\"Kimishima, I got this,\" a middle-aged man interrupted, quickly
catching the author and easily halting him. \"Sir? Yuki-san,\" he
tried. \"Please, come with me.\"

\"Don\'t *touch* me!\" Yuki snapped, trying to break out of the man\'s
hold. But he felt as if his limbs were fluttering and wouldn\'t obey
him. \"I need to be with him—damnit, let go!\" He twisted, trying to
struggle past.

Endou easily kept the man back, easing him towards the waiting
room. \"No one can be in there right now, Yuki-san,\" he
instructed. //I know it\'s him. And that kid….// Feeling strangely
sick, he continued to usher the man away. \"Let the doctors take care
of him.\"

Yuki continued to fight the stranger, but he didn\'t have any strength
left for ittterttering half-hearted curses he at last collapsed into
the nearest chair. \"Fuck—fuck it all.\" //I have to be there—I have
to be with him. He\'ll be looking for me. Damnit, why now?// He
pounded the wall behind him vengefully. \"Goddamnit!\"

Endou stood over the other protectively, not quite knowing what to do
but stay where he was. Luckily, it was a slow night, and nobody came
to give him some other job to do. He finally saw several of the
nurses pushing a gurney laden with machines and a small human figure
into one of the elevators. \"Stay here,\" he said once more to the
author, not even sure if he\'d be heard. \"I\'ll find out where they\'re
taking him and what the situation is.\" He hurried after the group.

Yuki glanced up, and was loathe to move until he realized wt wat was
the doctors were pushing away. He leapt to his feet and followed
after the stranger from before, though this time he managed to keep
his cursing down to a minimum. \"What\'s going on?\" he asked, trying
to get a good look at Shuuichi. He couldn\'t see much. \"Is he going
to be all right?\"

Speaking quickly and briefly with one of the other nurses, he nodded
and returned to the worried man. \"You have to wait for the next
elevator,\" he informed him, carefully keeping Yuki from following the
group. \"They\'re heading for surgery. I….\" //I hate this
part.// \"I can tell you what they had to do, if you can wait a
moment. They won\'t let you in the surgery room anyway,\" he added.

Yuki ground his teeth but relented, taking a step back and a deep
breath to compose himself. \"Tell me,\" he instructed firmly. His
fingers curled stiffly at his sides. //He\'ll be all right.
Something like this couldn\'t happen to Shuuichi—not Shuuichi.//

Endou pulled the man out of the center of the hallway, meeting his
eyes seriously. \"You should know,\" he started, \"that I\'m only
telling you this because…I know who you are. And who he is.
Normally, these sort of things aren\'t disclosed to non-family
members. Especially…when the patient is semi-critical.\"

Yuki\'s eyes thinned as he continued to meet that gaze. \"Tell me,\" he
repeated. //To hell with family—he\'s my goddamn lover. And what the
hell do you think you know about us anyway?//

//Well, I knew there\'d be no reason for him to be grateful. Crap, I
had to play the nice guy.// \"All right.\" //Probably won\'t sit down,
either.// He took a deep breath.

\"Shindou-san\'s suffered severe injuries from the accident, including
two broken legs and several shattered ribs. The doctors down here
had to stop some internal bleeding by his liver, and the surgery
they\'re going to do will repair it—he won\'t need a transplant or
anything like that. There was some concern, as…both his lungs
collapsed. They\'ve got him on a respirator. He\'s stable right now,
though unconscious.\" //Poor kid. And poor guy. This…this is damn
unfair.//

Yuki took a step back as if struck, his eyes widening. //Collapsed
lungs? His ribs and his legs….// A shudder went through him, and
then he seemed to compose himself, forcing strength into his legs and
face. He was careful, though, not to speak until he knew his voice ld hld hold. \"When will I be able to see him?\"

Endou shook his head. \"It will depend on how the surgery goes, and
how long he\'s in ICU.\" He tried to figure out the time, but there
was really no telling how fast the kid would recover. \"They\'re…
pretty worried about his lungs right now, especially with the ribs,
so he may be on the respirator for quite a while. The best you can
do—\"

\"Yuki!!\" Spotting the man, Hiro practically knocked down half a
dozen people to reach the pair. \"Yuki, what the hell is going on?
Where is he? What\'s happened?\"

\"Surgery,\" Yuki snorted over his shoulder. And somehow having
someone he knew there forced him to stand a little taller, shaking
off the tension and fatigue that had been chasing him down. \"They
said he\'s stable right now.\" He turned back to Endou. \"What is it,
several hours? All night? Because I\'m not leaving until I see him.\"

Glancing between the pair, Endou could only sigh and shrug. \"I
really couldn\'t tell you. It might even be a couple of days—it
depends on Shindou, really.\" //Poor guy. Even though they\'re…that
close, he can\'t be considered family.// \"They\'ll be able to give you
a better idea once he\'s out of surgery. The best you can probably do
is wait up there. I can call ahead, let them know you…two—\" he
glanced at Hiro \"—are coming up and will want information.\"

\"Yes, we\'ll do that,\" Hiro quickly said, anxious to find some news
from someone. He was already pushing the on fon for the elevator.

Yuki glanced after him, for a moment the strain showing again in his
face. He managed to pull it under control once more as he turned to
Endou. \"Thanks,\" he mumbled, moving towards the
elevator. //Shuuichi…you had better pull out of this.// He fidgeted
slightly at Hiro\'s side.

Hiro didn\'t speak as they rode the elevator up, too worried about his
friend\'s condition. Yuki…looked a mess, but he didn\'t care too much
right now. //Shuuichi—Shuuichi damnit! What have you gone and done
now?//

In the surgery waiting room, Hiro found out from the nurse the extent
of Shuuichi\'s injuries, along with the assurance that he would be
notified as soon as he was out. Muttering his thanks, he headed
dejectedly towards the chairs.

Yuki, already seated, folded his hands with his elbows on his knees.
Hiro didn\'t look like he had any good new, so he didn\'t ask. He was
wearing down. Though he\'d managed to keep from losing himself too
deeply through this, now that everything was quiet and still…the way
things always were when Shuuichi wasn\'t around…he could feel elf elf
beginning to tremble. //This can\'t happen. Is this supposed to be
some kind of irony? It\'s not funny.// His fingers tightened around
each other until his knuckles were white and bloodless. //Not
funny. He\'s going to be all right.//

Sitting, Hiro glanced at the other. \"She said it might take a few
hours,\" he murmured. His cell phone suddenly when off. Hiro jerked
and fumbled quickly for it. \"Oh, Seguchi-san. No, he\'s…he\'s in
surgery.\" A pause. \"Yeah, I\'m upstairs.\" After a moment, he
glanced over at the author. \"Yeah…yeah, he\'s here, too. Okay.\"
Hanging up, he sank back in his chair, arms on his legs. \"Seguchi-
san is coming up. Your sister\'s with him. They\'re gonna wait with
us.\"

\"Just perfect,\" Yuki muttered. The last thing he needed was Tohma
and his sister fussing over everything, trying to get him to talk, to
eat, to go home, to relax—//Damnit, I\'m not going to relax.// But he
was too exhausted to say anything about it, instead leaning forward
until his forehead rested against his knuckles. //I hate this. I
hate this place and its smell.// Shivering, he tried to keep his
breath even and full.

Tohma arrived soon after, and he moved to stand before the pair.
Just behind him was Mika, and she immediately knelt before her
brother. \"Hiroshi. Sakano-san said you were here.\" He glanced at
the other blond man briefly before taking a seat on the guitar
player\'s other side. \"How is he?\"

Mika tuned the others out, setting her hands on her brother\'s knees.
God, she hadn\'t seen him like this for…. \"Eiri,\" she said softly,
trying to catch his gaze.

Yuki shivered and started to draw away from her, then realized he
didn\'t have the strength to. It didn\'t matter. \"Don\'t talk to me,\"
he whispered harshly. Though even then he was leaning forward,
wrapping his arms around himself. \"Not right now. I…can\'t, right
now.\"

\"Okay,\" she whispered, moving to the seat beside him. Without
another word she set her hand against his back, a silent offer of
support. Her ears perked, catching pieces of the story Hiroshi was
telling Tohma. //Why did it have to be him?// she wondered
vaguely. //Why…when Eiri had gotten so attached to him….//

Yuki heard it as well, just barely, on the edge of his ears. Forcing
him to remember—the blood and the glass and the driver, crying there
in the rain…. And Shuuichi who, even bleeding and in pain, had
smiled in relief when his lover fell beside him. That smile…
shattered him. With a gasp he turned, burying his face in the curve
of Mika\'s shoulder. He tried to draw into her, to raise his hands so
no one would see that he was crying pitifully. That he was…breaking,
again.

//Shuuichi…damn you, Shuuichi.//

Mika wrapped her arms around his neck, hiding him easily from the
people passing through the halls, even from Hiroshi and Tohma who
quickly looked away. //My poor little brother….// She wanted to
speak, to comfort him in some way, but she knew her words would be
wasted. So she remained silent, accepting all his tremors and tears,
rocking ever so slightly.

Yuki wasn\'t sure how long he\'d stayed like that—long enough that his
eyes ran dry, and his shuddering calmed to a dull quake resting in
his hands and chest. He was exhausted, in every sense of the word,
and couldn\'t bring himself to pull away. But when a doctor emerged
from behind the closed doors, he suddenly found the energy to clean
his eyes and pull himself to his feet. Without waiting for the
others he strode quickly towards the man. \"Excuse me. Were you…
working on Shindou Shuuichi?\" he asked, gulping.

The doctor glanced up from his clipboard, letting it rest momentarily
at the desk. He frowned slightly, eyeing the man and the other,
darker haired boy that joined him. \"Are you family?\" he asked.

\"No—he doesn\'t have any in Tokyo,\" Hiroshi answered quickly, gaze
flickering to Yuki for a moment. \"I was going to call them once we
found out…how he…was….\" He trailed off, discouraged by the grim
expression on the doctor\'s face.

Dr. Murasaki nodded slowly. \"I see. One moment please.\" He turned
back to his sheet, filling it out quickly to hand to the waiting
nurse.

Yuki shifted back and forth anxiously. Damnit, they didn\'t have time
for this, while Shuuichi was…. \"Excuse me,\" he said again,
sharply. \"We just want to know how he is. Can\'t you tell us
anything?\"

\"I will, in just a moment,\" he assured, finishing the paperwork. \"I
need to get this done so the ICU doctors will know what we had to
do.\" After another moment, he handed over the clipboard and faced
the two young men. \"Why…don\'t we sit down?\" Murasaki waved the two
back towards the chair, eyebrow lifting at the couple watching them
expectantly.

Hiroshi sat quickly, leaning forward as the doctor dropped to one
knee. \"Is he okay?\" he asked before the other could start.

Murasaki smiled grimly. \"I wouldn\'t say okay, but at the moment he
is out of immediate danger.\" He continued quickly before the
expressions of ease worked their way too deep. \"However, there is
still some risk, which is why he\'s been moved to the intensive care
floor.\" //This will be difficult. But then, it al is. is.// Taking
a deep breath, Murasaki put on his best doctor\'s face—serious and
sympathetic.

\"Shindou suffered from some very extensive injuries. He damaged his
liver, but we were able to successfully repair it. His left leg was
broken in several places, including a shattered kneecap, while his
shin was the only break on his right. All these have been set and
put in casts. His ribs have also been set, and right now we have him
in a brace.\" He paused a moment for breath. \"Our main concern right
now is his lungs, both of which collapsed. We\'ve managed to repair
the internal damage, but between that and the ribs he is having a
difficult time breathing. We left him on a respirator until he can
start breathing on his own again.\"

Yuki listened to the doctor\'s report with downcast eyes, his hands
clasped and shoulders hunched. //He\'s…not breathing on his own. His
lungs….// He licked his lips, and found himself to be the break in
the stillness betweeem aem all. \"His lungs…is it permanent? Will
the damage heal?\"

Murasaki shook his head. \"We don\'t think it\'s permanent,\" he
replied. \"There is the chance, of course, that they may become weak,
and a very, very slim percentage of patients with this level of
damage may lose one, but I doubt that will be the case; Shindou is
young. He\'ll probably be weak for a while, and it will be easy for
him to get out of breath. Whether that will heal is up to him.\"

\"Weak….\" Yuki shook his head fiercely and tugged at the ends of his
hair. \"He\'s a goddamned singer—his lungs can\'t be *weak.* That\'s
practically the end of his career.\" His gaze sharpened on the
doctor. \"Isn\'t there something else you can do for them? You\'re
supposed to be doctors.\"

Again, Murasaki could only shake his head. \"We did all we could—it
was an effort to even save them both.\" //Better not mention that one
of the others wanted to just take the one out….// He glanced at all
of them in turn. \"He\'s been moved to the ICU for now,\" he went
on. \"I\'m afraid we won\'t allow any non-familial visitors until
tomorrow night. It would probably be best if you all went home. Got
some rest.\" His eyes landed on Yuki.

\"Didn\'t you hear that he doesn\'t have any family in Tokyo?\" Yuki
demanded. His frayed nerves were only making his usual irritation
more severe, and it took a lot of willpower on his part to keep from
smacking the doctor, if only to release some of that tension. \"How
can w hom home and fucking sleep when he\'s here alone? What if he
wakes up—he\'ll be looking for me.\" He hadn\'t meant to say that much,
but it came out anyway, and it didn\'t bother him. //The hell I\'ll
just go home and pretend everything\'s all right.//

\"Yuki—\" Hiro set a hand on the other\'s shoulder, as did Mika.

Murasaki stood. \"I\'m sorry,\" he replied firmly. \"But that is
hospital policy, and I can not change it. If his family was here and
permitted it, I could let you in for a short time. I\'m afraid you\'ll
have to wait until about 7 o\'clock tomorrow night. Now, if you\'ll
excuse me, I have other patients to see to.\" He turned to head
towards his office.

Mika leaned close to her brother. \"Come on, Eiri,\" she
murmured. \"I\'ll drive you home.\"

\"No,\" Yuki insisted stubbornly, pushing to his feet. He glared
daggers at the doctor\'s turned back. //Damnit. I\'m not going back
to that quiet apartment!// He could feel his fingernails biting into
his palm but he didn\'t care, nor did he notice he was biting his lip
hard enough for it to bleed. \"I\'m not going back yet.\"

Mika stood as well, her own temper flaring. \"Fine. If you\'re going
to be a stubborn idiot, then at least sit down and stop making a
scene. You\'re not going to help him by being childish.\"

\"Mika-san,\" Tohma warned gently.

Hiro glanced at them all before settling back in his chair. \"I\'m
staying,\" he announced, gathering stares from the couple. He jerked
his thumb over his shoulder. \"There are some benches back there,
probably for stubborn idiots who want to stay and take care of the
ones they care about.\" //You two…I\'m sorry, but you don\'t know
Shuuichi. He needs us here.//

Yuki glanced in the direction Hiro had indicated, more grateful than
he would admit. And at least something horizontal meant he could lie
down, even if he had no plans of sleeping. \"Like he said,\" he
muttered, sending Mika a glare. //Don\'t play protective sister now—I
don\'t need it.// \"You two should leave—you won\'t do him any good
here.\" He turned toward one of the benches, trusting his legs would
last just long enough to take him there.

Hiro shared a look with the couple. //I\'ll take care of it—I\'ll look
after them both, if I have to. Damnit, why\'d this have to happen?//
He stood up and bowed to the two, turning to find his own bench as
they left. \"We\'re getting in,\" he muttered to himself as he
sat. \"The hell I\'m staying out here until tomorrow night.\"

Yuki nodded, though as he found himself sitting again, a sturdy wall
at his back, his entire body seemed to sag. He really was exhausted,
to the point where the overhead lights were beginning to blur
together. He scrubbed at his eyes in irritation. \"This...sucks,\" he
muttered vaguely.

Hiro snorted, but he agreed whole-heartedly. \"Yeah, really.\" He
rubbed at the back of his neck and sighed. //This is crazy. Damnit,
Shuuichi, you\'d better be all right.// His eyes shifted to
Yuki. \"Think you\'ll sleep at all?\" he asked suddenly.

\"No.\" Yuki\'s lip curled faintly in a bitter smile before the
expression flickered away. \"I might ask you to punch me out
later.\" //My head can\'t hurt any more than it does now anyway. And…I
wouldn\'t be able to sleep in a hospital on my own.//

He returned the expression with a humorless chuckle. \"I would, but I
think Shuuichi would kill me then,\" he replied, staring at the floor
tile in front of him until it blurred and doubled. \"He\'ll be fine,\"
he suddenly went on. \"He\'s...he\'s got so much energy, and he\'s so
damn stubborn. He\'ll be fine.\"

\"I know. I know.\" Yuki bent over his knees, head lowered so that Hiro
wouldn\'t be able to see his face. He didn\'t want anyone to see him
right now, when...he felt so close to falling apart. //I can\'t do
this now. God, just get him better. I don\'t know how to handle this.//

//He\'s shaking,// Hiro realized dully. Sighing, he slipped out of his
leather coat and offered it to the still damp author. \"Here. It may
not be very stylish, but better than you catching pneumonia.\"

Yuki didn\'t look up but he accepted, tugging the jacket over his
shirt. \"Thanks,\" he muttered. He pressed his face down into his palm,
painfully aware that his eyes were burning and…there would probably
be tears. //Just don\'t look at me.// Yuki fell quiet, then, letting
the sounds of the hospital slip away. //Just…leave me alone, all of
you.//

---

When Hiro had left, Yuki was lying down across the bench, and he was
still there when the guitarist returned, but Hiro knew the other
wasn\'t sleeping. He dropped heavily to the man\'s and and nudged his
shoulder. \"Hey. I brought coffee. They even had some bagels in
that closet they call a cafeteria.\" Waiting for the other to rise,
he offered the food and drink he\'d acquired for them both.

\"Thanks.\" Yuki cleared his throat, a little annoyed with how hoarse
his voice sounded. The coffee was greatly appreciated, and he forced
himself to eat the bagel even though his stomach warned otherwise.
He glanced up hopefully at the double doors down the hall but was met
with nothing. He gulped down the coffee. \"God, what time is it?\"

\"Almost seven AM, I think,\" he replied, eyes likewise darting to the
doors. He scrubbed at them—they were dry. His hair felt unusually
limp as he leaned his head against the wall. //I feel like I\'m going
to pass out. Damnit, do we really have to wait another twelve
hours?// He was about to close his eyes—just for a moment—when he
noticed a nurse coming quickly towards them from the desk.
Straightening, his fingers clenched the coffee cup in sudden worry.

\"Excuse me.\" The nurse bowed shortly, glancing between the
pair. \"Are you two…waiting to hear about Shindou Shuuichi?\"

Yuki was on his feet before he realized his legs still held
feeling. \"Yes,\" he replied briskly, nearly spilling the rest of his
coffee to the floor. He did lose his bagel—it thumped unnoticed to
the tile. \"What\'s happened? Is he awake?\"

\"Please, calm dow she she quickly said, stepping back from the sudden
movement. \"He is awake, and the doctor on-call is with him now,
only….\"

Hiro was on his feet beside the author, leaving his own food sitting
behind on the bench. \"Only what? Is something wrong?\"

The nurse shook her head as she slowly realized there would be no
calming these two. \"He\'s all right, but we\'re having a little
trouble…calming him down. Now, normally we don\'t allow people who
aren\'t family into the ICU, but the respirator can\'t work right if
he\'s…acting up.\" She glanced between the pair, already anticipating
their answer and turning towards the private wing. \"If you think you
can help…would you care to follow me?\"

Yuki was instantly on her heels, draining the remains of his coffee
and setting the empty cup on the nurse station as they
passed. //Damnit Shuuichi, of course you\'re worked up. But at least…
God, he\'s awake.// He dragged a hand over his face to try and draw
some composure back into it. //He\'s awake.// A weak smile flashed
briefly across his face as he followed the nurse towards the room.

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