A Matter of Choice

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin was created by Nobuhiro Watsuki. I do not take credit for anything that is his

****

"Yahiko!!" Kaoru yelled at the boy who was half-walking, mostly-running ahead of her. "Slow down!! Tsubame-chan will still be there when we arrive!"

In her father's arms, Ame clapped delightedly at the mention of the older girl. "Tu'bame," she repeated.

Yahiko turned around and continued to walk backwards, still heading for the Akabeko. "Can't you all walk *any* faster??" When he caught Kaoru's look of death, he turned again and reduced his speed by a third.

Sanosuke scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Actually, I was wondering the same thing. I'm starving!!"

Kenshin switched Ame to his other arm and smiled pleasantly. "Perhaps you two should go ahead and get a table for us."

"Can we??" Yahiko asked over his shoulder.

Kaoru crossed her arms and lifted her chin in grudging permission. Sanosuke and Yahiko took off, scrambling to see who could make it to the restaurant first. A small smile crept onto Kaoru's lips. "You'd think they were both four," she sighed.

Her husband winced slightly as their daughter pulled on a handful of his long, red hair. "I'm just thankful that Sano seems to be getting better. For the first few days he was back..."

Kaoru gently pried Ame's fingers out of Kenshin's hair while taking her from him. "He was like the living dead. And now we're starting to get the old Sano back." She thought for a moment. "Do we know any young, unmarried women, Kenshin?"

"I know I don't," he replied quickly.

"Kenshin." She gave him an affectionate look over Ame's head. "I meant for Sano. I feel like playing matchmaker."

Kenshin's forehead crinkled. "I don't know if that would be such a good idea, love. Sano's just returned. He may seem better, but I don't believe he has completely let go of Megumi-dono yet. We should give him some more time."

His wife's grumbling was audible all the rest of the way to the restaurant.

"There you two are." Tae, the Akabeko's owner bowed at them as they removed their shoes. "Sano-san and Yahiko-kun have already arrived." She led them to their table, enclosed on three sides by screens. "I think they've already ordered, too," Tae added, amsued.

Sanosuke looked up at Kenshin as he and his wife took their seats around the low table. "What took you so long?"

Kaoru gave Sanosuke a withering look. "I should make you hold Ame, but I'm too nice." Instead, she returned the little girl to Kenshin.

Yahiko tapped his fingers on the low table impatiently. "Where is Tsubame?"

As if on cue, the fourteen-year-old waitress appeared carrying a tray of tea cups and a heavy pot of tea. Smiling at Yahiko, she set the tray down gracefully angan gan to pour. "Good evening," she greeted them.

"Good evening, Tsubame-chan," Kenshin replied warmly.

Ame reached for the girl. "Tu'bame!!"

Sanosuke watched as Tsubame poured Yahiko's cup, very apparently taking extra care. Their fingers touched as Yahiko accepted the tea. He snickered to himself as a faint blush spread on both teenager's faces. His smile faded as Megumi's face flashed through his thoughts. Even an innocent touch like that would be impossible for them in public.

He raised his own cup to his lips. She was still there. The taste of her skin in his mouth. He drank deeply, hoping that the burning liquid would wash her away. It failed to do so. As he had feared.

His eyes flickered over to the restaurant's door at exactly the wrong moment. He caught a glimpse of long, black hair. A Western style blouse and skirt that defined all the right curves. Beside her, a blond man in a three piece suit. Tae greeted the couple warmly.

Sanosuke choked on the rim of the cup. Setting it back onto the low table, he adopted a scowl onto his handsome features. "Fuck," he whispered in English. It was too soon. Three days wasn't enough time before seeing her again. With him. But he was trapped. If he got up and left, as he desperately wanted to, it would arouse Kenshin's suspicions. He resigned himself to a torturous meal.

That torture became apparent when Tae seated Megumi and Gregory at a table adjacent to the one he and his friends were occupying. From the position Sanosuke was sd atd at, he had a clear and perfect view of Megumi over her husband's shoulder.

She looked up briefly and caught him staring at her. Her heart missed several beats as the isitysity in his chocolate brown gaze swept over her. Megumi caught her breath and exhaled slowly.

"Is something wrong?" Gregory asked in English.

"No," she replied, in her imperfect version of his language. "Do you want I should order?"

Gregory smiled as though she were a child. "I don't think so, Megumi." He switched to Japanese. "You just sit there and keep looking pretty. Making every man in this restaurant jealous of me." He signaled for a waitress.

Sanosuke's scowl grew deeper as he watched the man rudely raise his arm to call for service. He may have spoken Japanese nearly perfectly, but he was not Japanese. He kept watching as Tsubame ran to take their order. His eyes failed to blink until something pulled at his sleeve.

"Sano...Sanosuke!!" Yahiko tugged at the white material impatiently.

"What?" He snapped back to attention. Yahiko looked at Kenshin.

Kenshin smiled. "I just wanted to ask if you'd like to order a vial of sake."

"Uh..." Sanosuke shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so."

Kaoru raised an eyebrow. "Are you feeling all right, Sano?"

"Sure I am!" he shot back. "Why wouldn't I be?"

The others exchanged a look. "No reason, Sano," Kenshin replied, quietly. Just then, Tae appeared with a large tray of food. She set it down in front of them bowed, winked and moved off again.

Sano grabbed his chopsticks, keenly aware of his friends' questioning stares. "Itadakimasu!!" He dug in with forced relish.

Yahiko shrugged and picked up his own set of utensils. "Itadakimasu!"

He felt Kenshin's violet stare boring into him as they ate, but he never lifted his eyes from his rice bowl. When he was done, he set the dish down with a loud smack. "I hate to eat and run, but..." He searched for an excuse. "There's a game going on downtown."

Kaoru rolled her eyes as she picked up a piece of beef between her chopsticks. "Go on, Sano. Just try not to lose *everything*."

"Anything for you, Jou-chan." Lightly ruffling the red curls on Ame's little head and socking Yahiko in the arm, Sanosuke stood up and stepped out of their dining room. He had no intent of catching her eye as he left the restaurant, but he found his gaze drawn to hers. She sat in front of her table, yards of Western cotton spread out around her with a very Japanese meal laid out before her and a very British husband beside her.

His heart thumped somewhere near his throat as their eyes met for a brief second. He wanted to freeze the moment in time...to never lose sight of her. But the look ended as he continued on his way out of the restaurant.

Megumi's teacup trembled in her hand after he passed by. Merely seeing him made her body ache with wanting him so much. He was like the medicines she prescribed for her patients...a source of healing, but deadly if taken too often. Or carelessly abused. She understoodt sht she had hurt him that night.

She had hurt herself more, though.

Gregory glanced up from his rice. "You're not eating, Megumi."

Setting her cup down, she formed her face into one of fatigue. "I'm not feeling all that well, Gregory. I think I'm going to walk home."

"Megumi...is that really necessary? Perhaps it's only your corset laced too tight."

She counted to ten to keep her voice low and even. "Stay and finish your meal. I'll see you at home." Before he could argue any further, she stood up and holding her skirts out of the way, left the tablae bae bowed to her as she walked out of the restaurant, but Megumi barely nodded in reply. Her mind was far too cluttered with thoughts of him.

He was waiting for her in the alley next to the restaurant. "Fox lady," he caught her attention as she walked by. "Looking for me?"

Megumi squinted to see him in the shadows. "Don't be ridiculous. I was just going home to..." She stopped as he reached across the distance between them and grabbed her hand.

"Come on," he said, pulling her into the alley.

She allowed herself to be pulled around corners, through the shadows...deep into the back alleys of Tokyo. The areas no one looked very closely into. A shiver ran down her spine, but his hand holding onto hers kept all fear away. Finally, he stopped and turned around to face her.

"What are you doing?" she asked him. He was so close that she could breathe in his scent. Western tobacco....Japanese sandalwood.

"I needed to talk to you. This se saf safe."

"Sano.."

He put a finger to her lips. "Hear me out, Megumi." She nodded and waited for him to continue, surprised when he began to laugh. "You know...now that I have you here, I have no idea what to say."

"That's never shut you up before."

Sanosuke shrd ind in agreement. After a pause, he began to speak. "You're all I've thought about for three days. I have tried everything I know to get you out of my head...but you're there. And you're not going anywherer asr as I can tell. I can still taste you on my lips, I can still feel you surrounding me. And....I don't know what to do." He shook his head. "I don't know what to do."

Her heart broke looking at him struggle with his emotions. Her fingers grazed his cheek. "I'm sorry, Sanosuke," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

Megumi felt tears flood her eyes. "I wanted you so badly the other night....that I didn't think enough. I thought I did, but I didn't. And I hurt you. I led you on." Her palm cupped his jaw. "You deserve someone who doesn't have to meet you in an alley."

"I want you. I told you I didn't just want you for that one night." He looked down at her with all the emotion he had tried to hide. The full weight of it was almost too intense for her to bear. "I love you, Megumi."

She felt him leaning in to kiss her and quickly turned her head. His lips landed on her cheek. "I can't do this, Sano. I won't...lead you on any." H." Her throat stuck. "I'm married. You and I...it can't happen again."

Sanosuke closed his eyes, resting his forehead against her temple. "Do you love him? Do you really and truly love him?"

"Don't ask me to..."

"Megumi." Sanosuke lifted his head and turned her chin until she was looking back into his eyes. "Do you love him?"

The tears she had been fighting made shining paths down her cheeks. "d ald almost convinced myself that I did...until you walked into my clinic a week ago." She laughed bitterly. "And turned my world upside down. Again." Her hand brushed away the tears before he could. "No, I don't love him. But I married him. I made a choice. Now I have to live with it."

"Megumi..." His hand grasped onto her forearm. Megumi cried out in pain. "What?" His fingers released her immediately. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

She bit her lip and lied. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

Sanosuke frowned. "Megumi, I didn't grab you that hard..." He watched her avert her eyes. "What is it?"

"I told you...nothing. Just forget about..." She was cut off when he lifted her hand up to his eye level. He quickly undid the buttons on the cuff of her long sleeve and worked the material up. Even in the dark alley, the purple, finger-shaped bruises on her pale skin were clearly visible. He blinked and looked up at her.

"He did this to you?" he asked. Megumi shook her head. "Do you think I'm stupid, Megumi?"

She pulled at her sleeve, recovering the bruises. "He doesn't know his own strength, that's all." Her eyes narrowed. "I see so many women in my clinic who have it far worse than I do, Sanosuke. Broken ribs, black eyes....miscarriages." She redid the cuff buttons. "Marriage is an institution, not a paradise."

His eyes flashed dangerously, but the anger was not directed at her. "The next time I see him..."

"You'll do what? Fight him? Kill him?" Megumi shook her head. "Wonderful. Then there'll be another wonderful warrant for your arrest that will take you back to America for another five years. That'll really be a help, rooster boy."

"He should not be hurting you, Megumi. Marriage does not give him the right to hurt you. I don't see any bruises on Jou-chan, do you?"

"Well..." She tossed her hair over one shoulder. "Not everyone is lucky enough to be married to Ken-san."

Sanosuke cupped her face in his hands. "*I* would never hurt you either."

"NO. I don't believe you would." She stepped back and away from the touch. "Not physically, at least."

He stared at her for a second. "I shouldn't have left you five years ago. I know that now." He stuck his hands in his pockets. "Guess we both have to live with our choices."

"I suppose we do."

"I'll tell you what though." Sanosuke brought one hand out of its pocket to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear. "The onna-sensei I first met may have let a man push her around, but the fox lady I left behind was a fighter." His fingers trailed down the length of her long, black hair. "Don't wait until he becomes another Kanryu."

"Sano, I..."

"You know where I'll be. If you need me." He held out his hand. "Come on. I'll walk you back to the main road."

She took the hand he offered, but when he began to walk away, she stayed in her place, holding him back. "Wait," she said softly.

Sanosuke looked back at her. "What?"

Megumi stepped forward, erasing any distance between thHer Her own hands cupped his face, bringing his lips down to meet hers. The kiss was gentle, but insistent...a promise of things to come and a reminder of things already shared. "Before we made love," she whispered between kisses. "You told me...it wouldn't just be...for that night." Her hands ran up his back under his gi.

The parts of his mind that wanted to protest were being rapidly forgotten with each caress. Unconciously, he wrapped his arms around her tiny, corseted waist as they kissed. "Yeah," he replied. "But..."

"No." She moved her mouth to his ear, lightly tracing its edges and curves with her tongue. "No 'but'. There's nothing wrong about being with you, Sano. Except having to keep it a secret."

A chuckle vibrated in the back of his throat. "I can't believe that you want to be taken in the alley, fox lady."

As if to answer him, she began to undo the buttons on her blouse, exposing her camisole and corset cover. Her hand reached for his, boldly guiding it under her floor-length skirt, showing him exactly where the cotton drawers unfastened. Sanosuke wasn't about to tell her that he was completely familiar with Western style underclothes. Instead, he laughed again. "You couldn't be wearing a kimono today, could you?"

She replied by working at the knot in his white pants as his fingers deftly undid the buttons holding her drawers closed. His hand worked into the cloth, touching the delicate, wet flesh he vividly remembered. Somehow he managed to get her skirt up and out of the way as she bared his own skin to the night air. When their bodies came together once again, both cried out at the sheer perfection of the act. It was always supposed to be this way. The two of them.

He walked her back to the wall for support. One stocking-clad leg wrapped around his thigh, drawing him deeper into her body. Their lovemaking was ast ast as the surroundings dictated it should be, but was not without the great love and tenderness they both acknowledged in one another. When their simultaneous release came, she joined him in proclaiming that love.

Megumi clung to him as the intense pleasure faded. She wanted to weep from the joy of being this close to the only man she had ever truly loved. Her eyes closed as his lips brushed away the forming tears. Salt flavored the sweet kiss he gave her. "Please...don't cry, Megumi," he whispered. "You're not supposed to cry."

More tears fell, wetting the collar of his gi. "I should have waited for you." She shook her head against his chest. "Why didn't I wait for you?"

He had no answer for her. The only thing he could do was hold her tighter in thonlionlight.

****

Somewhere in the time it took her to straighten her skirts and rebutton her blouse, Megumi knew what she had to do. The answer was painfully clear. She was addicted to Sanosuke. It was unhealthy...for both of them. She was married, for better or worse. He was young; she wasn't lying when she had said he deserved someone better. Plenty of women in Tokyo could make Sanosuke happy. But he would never find one of them if he still clung to the idea that they could be together.

His hand was warm in hers as they took the winding path back to the main road. When they reached the restaurant again, Megumi took a deep breath. It was time.

"You can let go of my hand now," she said, as deadly sweet as possible.

Sanosuke's eyebrow twitched. "Megumi?"

She wrenched her hand away from his. "It really wouldn't do for someone to see us like this, Sano-san. What would people say? The married doctor and the gangster?" She clicked her tongue, disapprovingly. "That wouldn't look very good for me."

He was floored. He had imagined their parting that night to be far different than this. "What are you doing?"

"I think it's pretty obvious, Sano-san." She laughed with forced condescension. "I have to say...you are a fantastic lover. I couldn't be satisified with just one time, you know."

Unconciously, his stare grew darker. "I thought I told you not to call me '-san'."

"What should I call you then? Sano-kun? Sano-chan?" Another chuckle tore through her throat as she stroked his cheek. "You just don't get it, do you?"

Sanosuke jerked his head away from the touch. "I think I'm starting to, fox lady." Whatever game she was playing, he was no one's fool. And no one's toy. "If someone's hurt, you fix them. If someone loves you...you fuck them."

His words stung, but she welcomed the pain. She deserved it; she had initiated it. For his sake. "The very essence of a whore, right?" She smiled again. "It was fun to be your whore, rooster boy. But I have a husband waiting for me."

"And will you lie down with him tonight, too?"

"Sano..." She tugged playfully on the end of his bandana. "*We* weren't lying down." She made a move to leave, but he grabbed her arm. It broke her heart to feel how, even in his anger and hurt, he was careful not to grasp her skin too hard.

"I don't know what you're doing, fox lady..." His voice was low and dangerous. "But I'm not going to let you win this game."

Megumi shook her head. "I already have. And now I'm done playing." She pulled away from him. "Goodnight, Sano-san."

He didn't follow her as she walked away. He didn't even hear her break into a run when she was out of his sight. The wind combed through her hair; she bunched up her skirts in one hand as she ran away from him. From the things he made her feel...the things he made her want to have.

The things she could never have.

****

When she reached the house she shared with Gregory, she stopped outside the front door to catch her breath before going inside. Not a candle nor a lamp was lit. For a moment, she suspected her husband might still be out until she heard hisce fce from across the parlor.

"You left me at the Akabeko, Megumi." It was a tone she didn't recognize, but one that sent a shiver down her spine.

Swallowing heavily, she squinted into the darkness. "I didn't feel well." As her eyes adjusted, she could see him sitting in his favorite chair. His body was rigid; his hands were folded neatly into his lap.

"Do you know what that looked like? A wife leaving her husband behind. And then..." He stood calmly. "...you weren't even here when I got back." As he took a step forward, unconsciously, she took a step back. "Where were you, Megumi?"

"I took a...a walk. I didn't...realize it was so late." The emotion she recognized as fear washed over her when he advanced even further. "Gregory...let's just go to bed. All right?"

His eyes were cold blue as he stepped into a silver of moonlight. "I want to know where you were." He paused. "I want to know who you were with."

"No one," she lied. "I just took a..." The back of his hand struck her cheek; her head whipped to the side from the force of his fist. Stars danced in front of her eyes for a moment. The blow was so fast, so unexpected that she almost didn't feel any pain from it. One hand touched her numb cheek.

Gregory lowered his arm. "Who were you with, Megumi? It's not a hard question." When she didn't reply, he grabbed her shoulders, shaking her roughly. "Was it that man...Sagara? Don't you think I saw him at the Akabeko? Don't you think I remembered his name...the name you say in your sleep?" He slammed her back against the wall. "Was it him? Answer me!!"

She felt herself detaching from the situation when Sanosuke's words played back in her mind. *...the fox lady I left behind was a fighter...don't wait until he becomes another Kanryu...* Anger built up inside. She struggled against the arms pinning her to the wall. "Why are you asking me a question...you seem to already know the answer to, Gregory?"

Outraged, his fingers dug further into her shoulders. "You *were* with him. That low class..." Gregory released her, a sickened look on his face. "Did you..." He forced the words out of his mouth. "...lie with him?"

"Yes. I did." His arm raised again, preparing to strike. "Go ahead and hit me," she whispered. "You can't hurt me anymore than I hurt myself tonight."

The second blow was harder. It sent her sprawling to the floor. Blood filled her mouth, washinay tay the taste of Sanosuke's lips. Something heavy struck her back and she slipped into the blissful arms of unconsciousness.

****

To Be Continued...