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Don\'t Know What You\'ve Got \'Till It\'s Gone	By : dragonphire99 Category: +. to F > FAKE Views: 7216 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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FAKE

Don't Know What
You've Got Till It's Gone

by Lady Dragonphire

Summary: When Dee suffers amnesia after sacrificing
himself to save Ryo from a terrible accident, can Ryo overcome his shyness and
win back the love of his life before it's too late for their love?

Disclaimer:
FAKE and its characters are the property of Sanami Matoh.

WARNING:
The character's reactions might be slightly out of character when faced with
traumatic events, but then again one never really knows how one will act when
confronted by inescapable tragedy.

WARNING: Angst

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Chapter
2. Every Rose
Has Its Thorn

(Poison)

Ryo opened his
eyes and awoke to find nurses hovering around him, checking on his heart
monitor and breathing rhythm as they jotted down notes in their folders. He sat
up slowly and gingerly rubbed his aching shoulder, wincing when his ribs seemed
to radiate pain as well. "Oh hello, I see you're awake," said the head
nurse as she came over to ease Ryo gently back onto the bed. "You're
pretty lucky to have escaped that collision with minor injuries, Mr.
McLean," she continued. "You've just got a banged-up shoulder and
some mildly bruised ribs - nothing a few days of rest won't cure. We were a
little worried there when you passed out, but everything is okay now that you
are awake," she said, indicating the steady blip of the machines
monitoring Ryo's vital signs.

"D-Dee,"
Ryo murmured, his eyes still adjusting to the bright lighting of the room.
"Where's Dee? What happened to him?" he
pleaded, eyes filled with worry, grasping at the nurse's sleeve in a silent
plea for an honest answer.

"Oh, you
must mean the other man in the car with you," the nurse said. "Well,
I'm not sure of his condition now, but when he was brought in he was in pretty
bad shape - critical condition."

"Please - I
need to know if he's alive," Ryo reiterated.

"Well,
first we must notify his family and then I'll bring you up to date on how he's
doing," the nurse replied.

"He doesn't
have any immediate family," Ryo said sadly. "Please, I need to know
how he is - I-I'm his� partner. I mean, we're both detectives," he
finished hurriedly, blushing slightly at the double meaning of his words.

The nurse smiled
at him kindly. "Well, in that case, just sit tight and let me go see if I
can find out his condition for you. If you feel any pain, please push the red
button next to your bed and a nurse will bring you painkillers. Now why don't
you try to get some sleep? You've been through a lot today," she added as
she turned to follow the other nurses out of the room.

"Wait - I
have a young foster son. He needs to be taken care of. I-I can't stay
here," Ryo said, his voice betraying his worry at having kept Bikky home alone for this long already.

"I'm sorry,
Mr. McLean, but the hospital can't release you until you are monitored at least
overnight; in your case, I think you'll be here for about a week, maybe longer,
depending on how fast your injuries heal. Do you have any family members that
we can call to care for your child until you are released and feeling
better?"

"Yes, my
Aunt Elena should be able to take care of him," Ryo said, taking the pen
and paper that the nurse offered him and writing down the phone number at which
Elena and her husband Rick could be reached.

"Now don't
worry about a thing. You have to keep your strength up for when I get word of
your partner. I'll let you know as soon as I find out," she said
reassuringly to the handsome patient.

"Thanks,"
Ryo murmured at her retreating form, leaning back into the pillows and sighing.
He was definitely not going to be able to get some rest while he still didn't
know about Dee's condition. Waiting was the worst
part - it was only prolonging the inevitable and Ryo didn't know if he could
deal with the not-knowing part. Turning on his side, he reluctantly closed his
eyes, surrendering to the reality that this was going to be a long night.

Ryo tossed and
turned in the bed, thrashing from side to side and calling out Dee's name in his restless turbulent
sleep. He was plagued by nightmares of `what ifs' about his potential future
alone without Dee and past memories of him and Dee
fading into oblivion, erased from his heart forever. He had to make himself
hold onto those memories with his entire being with a determination that would
never let them go - he just had to! If only he had taken Dee up on his tempting offer to call
in sick and spend the day reveling in the physical pleasure of each other, they
would have never been in that situation. What if that truly was their last time
together? He might never be in the arms of the one he loved again. He blamed
himself for everything that had happened. Dee's words from the previous day came
back to haunt him, `I love you so much and I would give my life for you,
Ryo.' As if by a cruel twist of fate, Dee's innocent declaration of love and
devotion had been warped into a wicked prophecy that was now being fulfilled right
before Ryo's unbelieving eyes. `I know you do Dee and I know you would, but why did
it have to come to this?' he wondered helplessly. `Couldn't there have been any
other way?' He drifted into another bout of fitful sleep plagued by images of
what once was and found himself reliving the fateful moments of that afternoon
yet once again.

"NO! NOOOO!" Ryo yelled, tears streaming down his face and
soaking the pillow as he collapsed brokenly against the bed. "Don't leave
me Dee! You have to be okay� you just
have to." Sitting up, mind spinning and head reeling, he took deep breaths
to steady his ragged breathing and pushed his sweat-soaked honey blond bangs
away from his damp forehead. Heartwrenching sobs of
guilt wracked his frame as he drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his
arms around them, rocking back and forth as if by doing this he could somehow
protect himself from the harsh reality of the situation and his overwhelming
emotions caused by the nightmares that plagued his sleep. Dee had performed the ultimate
expression of love - self sacrifice. But Ryo didn't know if he was strong
enough to get through this alone. He didn't know if he even wanted to. What
value would his life have without Dee in it? "Why�.why couldn't it have been me in your place?
Why did you have to defy fate and save me?" he murmured, devastated, as if
expecting an answer from the various beeping machines monitoring his vital
signs. Yes, his body would physically be okay eventually, but how could even
the miracles of modern medicine mend his broken heart?

________________________________________________________

Three days
later, in another wing of the hospital, emerald green eyes fluttered open
hesitantly and closed quickly before opening again with a steadfast
determination. As his eyes came into focus, Dee awoke to the steady beeping noise
of various monitors surrounding his bedside and the figure of a nurse sitting
by his bedside.

"Hello. Do
you know where you are?" she asked the handsome raven-haired man as Dee's face drew into a look of
confusion.

"Uhhh, yeah - in a hospital," he said groggily,
struggling to sit up, although his efforts were in vain.

"Easy
now," she said, helping him to sit up before propping some pillows behind
him and coaxing him to relax against them so that she could talk to her
patient. "You've been in an accident and have had a terrible concussion
for the past few days, along with other injuries and bruising all over your
body. You should lie still and rest for awhile. The doctor will be with you
shortly to perform a complete check-up and provide a further analysis of your
condition. I'll be right back with her," she said as she exited the room
quickly in search of the trauma specialist.

Dee relaxed against the pillows and
sighed, wincing in pain as he gingerly acknowledged the gauze wrapped around
his forehead and the bandage on his cheek with a tentative touch. `An accident? Then how come I couldn't remember it
happening?' he wondered, a puzzled look gracing his attractive features.

The doctor
entered the room, clipboard in hand, as she sat down next to the patient. Dark
lines of worry creased his handsome face. She extended her hand out to Dee, which he took and shook
willingly. "Hello. I'm Dr. Black. It's nice to meet you," she said
warmly. She was a petite woman with long, straight jet-black hair and dark,
kind almond eyes.

"Nice to
meet you too," Dee
replied, flashing her his patented dazzling smile.
"My name is��." Dee paused for a second, trying to think. It should not be
this difficult to remember his name. His brow furrowed in confusion and he
looked up at her helplessly. "I don't know. I don't know my own
name," he trailed off disbelievingly as he looked up at her with shocked
emerald eyes. Then the meaning of the words he just spoke dawned on him and he
repeated, "I don't know who I am� fuck! Who am
I?" he asked again, voice rising slightly with panic as he met her deep
chocolate eyes intensely with his emerald green ones.

The doctor took
his calloused hand in hers and squeezed it gently. "Please calm down.
Everything is under control. We anticipated the possibility of this kind of
response, considering the severity of your head injury. Our hypotheses are
confirmed. You have retrograde amnesia. Amnesia, as you may know, is a condition
in which there is a disturbance in the information recall of the information
that is stored in long-term memory, manifested by total or partial inability to
recall past experiences. This means that you can't recall any stored memories
prior to the traumatic incident from a few days ago. However, from your wallet
and badge that we found at the scene of the accident, we know that your name is
detective Dee Laytner and that you are a police
officer at the NY 27th precinct."

"Wow,"
Dee whistled softly. "That is a
lot of information to take in at once. So, what you're saying is that I will
have no recollection of any of my past memories?" he asked slowly, still
trying to take it all in.

"Yes,"
the doctor said straightforwardly, gazing at him deeply with unwavering eyes.

"Is this
permanent?" Dee
inquired, a bit fearfully.

"Well, it
all depends on the severity of the injury in correlation to the different parts
of your brain that the trauma affected. We won't know for certain. However, you
might experience flickers and pieces of memories depending on the stimuli
around you. A person who has retrograde amnesia usually recalls older memories
first, and then more recent memories, until almost all memory is recovered.
Memories of events that occurred around the time of the accident or the onset
of amnesia are sometimes never recovered. You have to be willing to face these
facts. Acceptance is part of the coping process. However, you should consider
yourself lucky to have only lost your memories instead of your life. It was
touch and go there for awhile and you were suffering from shock due to blood
loss when we first brought you in. You slept for three days due to the physical
exhaustion that your body had experienced. Now you seem to be doing well and
your physical injuries are healing nicely although your body will be badly
bruised for awhile. Your condition is stable. Do you have any other
questions?" she finished, studying the ebony-haired patient intently as he
absorbed all of the new information that now played an integral part of his
life.

"I-I think
I just need some time to think all of this over,"
Dee replied quietly, the disbelieving
aura of shock still present in his voice.

"Well, if
you need anything or just need someone to talk to, just push the button on the
side of your bed. I also have a doctorate in psychology due to dealing with
trauma victims, so I can try my best to help you deal with this. Stay strong, Dee," she said in final words of
parting.

As Dee watched her go, he held his head
in his hands. Sure, now he knew his name, but that didn't bring him any closer
to finding out who he was as a person. Where did he live? Who were his family
and friends? Did he have a significant other? Most importantly, who could he
trust? The more he thought about it, the more he became frustrated. He was a
doer rather than a thinker by nature, and the impatient raven-haired man could
not find out any of these answers while he was confined to this hospital bed.
Finally acquiescing to the pain coursing throughout his bruised body, he lay
back down against the pillows, drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

___________________________________________________________________

"Please let
me see him," Ryo pleaded to the nurse who was changing the bandages on his
shoulder. "I haven't heard anything about his condition other than the
fact that he's alive. I really want to see my partner. I NEED to see him with
my own eyes to know that he's okay."

"Well, it's
really not allowed in the critical care ward, but if it will allow you to
finally get some sleep, Mr. McLean, then I feel that it's all for the best. You
haven't been eating or sleeping properly ever since you came in here, which is
why we couldn't let you go home just yet," she said with a slight hint of
reprimand in her voice as she observed Ryo's pale face and lack of luster in
his once gorgeous eyes. "You must get better yourself before you make
yourself sick with worry over your partner. Now I will go ask the doctor who is
in charge of Mr. Laytner if he is well enough to have
visitors since he just woke up this morning. When I return, you'd better have
eaten a good amount of your dinner," she said sternly as Ryo glanced over
at his once again untouched food. However, seeing the genuine concern radiating
from behind deep eyes, she gave Ryo a smile. "I just don't want to see you
leave here worse than when you already came in," she said softly. Ryo
smiled back at her kindness and reluctantly picked up his fork. If having to
eat bad hospital food would bring him closer to seeing Dee, then he
was more than willing to make that small sacrifice.

Ten minutes
later, Dr. Black entered the room and walked over to Ryo's bedside, extending
her hand. "Hello Mr. McLean, I'm Dr. Black. I have been taking care of
your partner Mr. Laytner since he arrived here a few
days ago," she said, smiling warmly at Ryo's tired face.

"Please
call me Randy," Ryo said. "How is Dee doing? Can I see him?" Ryo
asked eagerly, hopefully.

"Yes Randy,
you may see him. Although normally he shouldn't have any visitors, I'll allow
it since you seem to be worrying yourself sick over it. However, there are two
conditions. One, you may only stay for five minutes. Both of you have been
through so much and I don't want either one of you passing out from exhaustion,
especially you since you haven't eaten anything or slept in days. Two, Dee is
suffering from retrograde amnesia due to the extensive trauma to the head that
he has experienced. He will not know who you are or be able to recall any of
his past memories."

At this last
statement, Ryo's face fell. Dee - his Dee - would not be able to remember him? All the times they'd
shared, the two long years of relentless pursuit before Dee was finally able to win over Ryo's
heart� was it all for nothing? No, he couldn't believe it. He wanted things to
be the same as they always were. Not when he had finally realized how much he
needed Dee in his life - no, how much they
needed each other. The raven-haired man had confessed to him as much both
physically and emotionally.

Reeling from his
thoughts, Ryo looked up bravely and said, "No, I have to see him. Whatever
Dee is going through now must be so
tough for him. He must feel so lost and alone. He needs my support even if he
doesn't know who I am. For God's sake he saved my life!" Ryo shouted the
last statement, still laced with the guilt that their positions were not
reversed.

"Shhh, calm down," the doctor said, taking Ryo's hand
in her own and rubbing it soothingly. "We can't have Dee getting upset over seeing anyone
in this condition," she said. I hope you don't mind me asking, but how
well do you know Dee?
As far as I know, he doesn't have any family and I was wondering if you knew of
anyone who should be informed that he is in the hospital."

"Sister Maria Lane at the orphanage raised Dee. She's the closest thing to family
that he's got. I'm sure she could provide some much-needed comfort and support
for him and would be very glad to know that he survived the accident. She
probably read about it in the paper already, although she may not have known
that it was Dee and I, due to them only giving age, sex, and condition of the
people involved," Ryo said matter-of-factly, his practical analysis of the
situation conveying his keen sense of observation that made him such a good
detective.

Sensing that
there was a deeper underlying connection between the two men, Dr. Black gave a
slight nod of her head to Ryo, silently prompting him to continue. Looking down
shyly with blond bangs covering his dark expressive eyes, Ryo added hesitantly,
"Dee and I are partners in every sense of the word - both at work and
outside of it." Damn, a blush still managed to spread across his fair
cheeks even after all this time. `Why was it still so hard for him to be honest
with himself and others about their relationship?' he wondered.

"Well, then
that's all the more reason for you to go pay him a visit," she said
encouragingly. Smiling down at the handsome blushing patient, the doctor
squeezed Ryo's hand reassuringly before motioning for a nurse to bring around a
wheelchair. She helped Ryo get settled into the wheelchair before wheeling him
out of the room and down the hall, taking him to go see the man who
encapsulated his world.

"Thank you
so much," Ryo said gratefully, looking up at her with deep midnight eyes that sparkled with life once
again. "You don't know how much this means to me," he said sincerely,
his face breaking into the first genuine smile that he had in days.

"Well, I'm
just a hopeless romantic at heart," Dr. Black confessed to her handsome
patient. She had now assigned Ryo under her care as well, sensing that the
kind-hearted man would need some help coping with the psychological aspect of
the tragedy if he was to physically enable himself to get better. "I
believe that true love can conquer all obstacles and can only be strengthened,
not diminished, by trials and tribulations. If two people are meant to be together,
then nothing can stop that from happening, despite what cruel twists of fate
they might encounter." She pitied the lovers' plight, but felt that from
Ryo's depth of devotion despite his shyness and Dee's fiery determination, they
certainly had a chance at reconstructing their lives and forming a stronger
bond between themselves and the love they had for one another that seemed
inseparable even in death. However, it would be seemingly impossible to reclaim
what they had before and find one another again if Dee's memory did not return,
she thought as the bittersweet emotions concerning that factor played across
her pretty face.

"Well, here
we are," she said in an upbeat voice, pausing outside one of the
single-occupant rooms that mirrored the one in which Ryo was stationed in the
other wing down the hall. Ryo glanced up and observed that the name `Dee Laytner' was posted outside of the door. His
breathing quickened in anticipation at seeing the undeniable proof that Dee was indeed alive
and a spark ignited in his once despair-wracked soul. Suddenly, Dr. Black's pager went
off. "Oh sorry Randy, I've gotta go - another
trauma case just came in and they need additional staff to report to the ER.
Will you be okay from here?" she asked a bit worriedly.

"Yeah, I-I'll
be fine," Ryo gave her a slight smile that masked his underlying
nervousness at seeing his lover for the first time since the accident. Dr.
Black turned and walked briskly down the hall towards the elevators. Ryo did
not know if he could mentally handle seeing Dee and knowing that his core, the
very essence of who the man was, was missing. It would be like having a piece
of his soul ripped out and trampled upon, damaged beyond repair. How much of
the Dee he knew remained in the body
behind that door? Could he start anew? Did he have the strength to? Closing his
dark eyes and taking a deep breath, Ryo slowly brought his hand up to the door
and knocked softly.

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Don\'t Know What You\'ve Got \'Till It\'s Gone