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Separation Anxiety	By : KiraDouji Category: +. to F > Card Captor Sakura Views: 2464 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Time
- 2-Suffering
- 3-Break
- 4-Static
- 2
- 3
- 4
DISCLAIMER: Kind of obvious, BUT, I don't know own the rights to these characters, the show or anything remotely similar to either mentioned above.

Separation
Anxiety

Chapter
Three: Broken

�He is the prince of sorrow:

the Jack of Spades has a sword through his heart.�

I cannot take this anymore

I'm saying everything I've said before

All these words they make no sense

I find bliss in ignorance

Less I hear the less you'll say

But you'll find that out anyway

Why does he continue to pester me? Yue thought bitterly, while
trying to ignore Touya�s voice. He shrunk further into the recesses of Yukito�s
mind, a familiar emptiness flowing through him. He doesn�t understand, even though I�ve explained everything to him in
a dozen different ways. Now, he�s just annoying. What made him suddenly start
caring? No one has bothered me for years, and my mistress did not require my
presence, why now? Absently, he
heard Yukito say something, but was too far into his own thoughts to register
the silence that followed.

It�s because of what happened that night. He must be worried that
something bad is going to happen, and without his magic he won�t be able to help.
Yue gave a mental sigh at that thought. Something was happening, but he couldn�t figure out what. Besides what had
happened the other night, there were no signs that anything was wrong.
Cautiously, the moon creature reached with his magic to delve through himself.
Finding nothing wrong, he examined Yukito; the boy shivered involuntarily, and
Yue sent a �tagged� thought to tell him that he was just searching for
something.

Finding nothing again, the
guardian frowned as well as one could while crammed into the back of someone�s
mind and started pulling his magic back to himself. He stopped short when his
magic slid out of Yukito and should
have returned to him, but instead of finding an area where two entities met
side to side, he found a mesh of both. There was no longer a wall between
them.

Yue drew all his magic
back faster than before, and tried to keep his shock from passing over to
Yukito. The darkness suddenly seemed much more oppressive, and he let it devour
him before he lost himself to the panic clawing at his mind.

Just like before...

Clow�s
library sat on the western edge of his estate, not quite large enough to be its
own building, but just small enough to be cozy. The afternoon sun poured light
through the many windows built into all of the outside walls. An air of silent
comfort lay over the library�s three occupants. Its master sat in a large chair
arranged towards the middle of the library, but just off to the side enough to
catch the sun�s last rays of light. He was reading a large book that seemed old
enough to fall apart at any given moment.
At the most western facing wall, a giant feline was sprawled across the
floor, soaking up the warmth streaming through the window in front of it. Last
of all, was the moon�s shadow; sitting neatly on a bench built into the wall,
directly under a bay window on the southern facing side. It leaned against one
side of the wall, with its right facing the back yard and it�s left towards the
center of the room. Both its legs and its head were bent slightly, the former
for a more comfortable sitting position, and the later to read the book that
rested against its knees.

What
little sun that reached the bay window provided enough light for Yue to read
by, but also allowed enough shadow for his tastes; which was why it was his
normal spot for reading. The book he was currently reading was small, with a
worn, maroon cover and a loose binding. It was written in a tidy script that
suggested its author was a scribe, scholar, or monk. The creature was almost finished
with the book when the script, which had been easy to read, began to blur and
twist. He blinked, and was surprised when the action caused a drop of water to
fall to the page.

Yue
closed the book and sat up, placing his left hand against his cheek, and drew
it back upon feeling wetness there.
Tears? I�m crying? Why? Confusion met a seemingly unfounded sadness in his
mind as he tried to stop the salty water from falling, but found he could not.
He reached into the back of his mind to check on the creature huddled there,
but could not trace the sadness back to it. Why
am I so sad?

Rising
from his spot, Yue busied himself by putting away the book he hadn�t been able
to finish. When he was done with the task, he felt only more tears streaming
from his eyes and more confusion building up inside. Not wanting to bother his
master, he went about cleaning a table or two of notes and scattered books.
After the few minutes it took him to set everything in order, his heart felt
like it was sinking from his chest. His breath was shallow and his mind was
whirring with too many thoughts and emotions to keep track of; there was
nothing more he could do but float somewhat shakily to where Clow sat reading
his own book.

Silently,
Yue set his feet on the floor, and felt himself drop to his knees next to Clow.
He briefly noticed his master setting the book aside with a look of mild shock,
concern and curiosity, but said nothing as he laid his head upon his hands on
Clow�s lap and wept softly.

Everything you say to me

Takes me one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe

�cause I'm one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

�Sakura, I�m just worried about
them,� Touya said with a sigh, speaking into the receiver of the phone in his
kitchen.

�I know, Onii-chan, I am too,�
his sister�s mature voice answered, �but I�m sure everything�s fine.�

�Yue�s never randomly shown up
without a reason, Kaiju,� he answered dryly.

�I�m
not a kaiju,� Sakura huffed back, only slightly upset about the use of her old
nickname. �And anyway, I�m sure it�s nothing he can�t handle.�

�He was pretty shaken up the
other night, Sakura, I think it would be a good idea for you to summon him for
a chat,� Touya pushed.

�I don�t want to bother him, Onii-chan.�

�But he won�t talk to me at all,
and I can tell that something�s
wrong. At least he�ll answer you straight out; the only thing I could get out
of him was that he wouldn�t lie to you. He wanted me to tell you and the stuffed animal not to worry, then he said he wouldn�t tell you because he wouldn�t
lie to you,� he gave an exasperated sigh and put the phone between his shoulder
and ear while he poured some water. �And just a little while ago, he was poking
around Yukito �searching� for something.�

There was a pause on the other
end of the line, then his sister�s subdued voice answering, �I don�t want to
summon him, Touya; I don�t want to treat him like my servant. He and Kero-chan
are my friends; if he wants to talk then he�ll come and talk, but I don�t want
to make him do something he doesn�t want to.�

�Sakura, he doesn�t see himself
as your friend, he sees himself as a servant,� Touya replied softly, while
putting the cup of water in the microwave and finding a tea package. �The last
time we talked he compared himself to a tool, a sword, an heirloom and said
outright that he was only a servant at least five times each.�

�But the last time we talked,
he� he wasn�t as cold, he seemed fine,� Sakura sounded like she was keeping
back tears.

�That was years ago: a lot can
happen in that time. I think he�s been living too long in his memories.�

I find the answers aren't so
clear

Wish I could find a way
to disappear

All these thoughts they make no sense

I find bliss in ignorance

Nothing seems to go away

Over and over again

He couldn�t remember much, but
it was more than what humans knew when it came to how he was born into the
world. Perhaps born wasn�t exactly
the best word, for he was never a child and never grew any way but mentally afterwards.
It felt more like being pulled from a deep sleep and finding himself in a new
place. Yue faintly remembered touches on his skin like feathers brushing across
his body in patterns; along his chest, and head mostly, and less on his limbs.
Then, a rush of power reaching out to him, though he couldn�t remember where he
had been, coupled with the pull of another energy dragging him down.

Thoughts
came to his mind: how to speak, how to sit up and stand and walk, and,
endlessly it seemed, an image of a moon floated in his mind. All around him
felt warm with a faint wind, but he couldn�t see anything in the darkness even
while the moon was there, and especially after it was gone. Another ball of energy; magic, and power
entered his knowledge, and he felt comforted by it. Strings of words flew past
his hearing in a slow chant that changed continuously, and faded from memory
like some mysterious, distant prayer. The power beside him and, as he slowly
realized, all around him pushed together all the wandering energies and
feelings around him, and he was suddenly able to feel the sensation of air on
his skin, a feeling that was forever burned into his memory.

A
warm pressure on what he later discovered were called eye lids finished his
awakening into the world, and he opened his eyes to white. Somehow, he thought
to sit up and looked around to see he was surrounded by the white, but it was
dull, and the word �room� surfaced itself. There was another warm pressure, a
touch, on his right shoulder, and he looked to see what had caused it. Yet to
learn fear, he simply absorbed the images of what his mind told him was a man
with black hair, tied back at the nape of his neck. He watched this new being,
and realized it possessed the energy that had pushed him together and awakened
him.

The
man�s face changed slightly, and the being�s mind brought forth the word
�smile� at the same time it recognized words the man was saying, relaying the
word �name� at the same time the man said �Yue� in a low voice. This made sense
to the creature, and he knew that that word was what he was to be called.
Curious about this new place, and this being across from him, Yue used the
given knowledge in his mind to twist his body to the right and shift his limbs
� called �legs� his mind noted �
underneath him, providing the first awareness of a skin to skin touch. Slowly,
he reached out with a hand and set it on the man�s face, touching an area his
mind called a �cheek�. The man smiled more and moved his own arms so that he
held Yue gently in what his mind told him was an embrace.

Slowly,
tiredness caused Yue�s body to curl up inside the man�s arms and his eye lids
to drop in a way that kept him from seeing this new place he was in, but he
felt no fear about this change, and leaned against the other being. Warm, he thought first, and then
followed it with his second thought, good.

Another thought came to him as
he lay as a jumbled mass of feelings and emotions in the back of Yukito�s mind;
another memory found its way into his fretting consciousness and took his mind
from the fear of the present.

Yue
opened his eyes slowly, feeling sluggish, but happily so. He blinked back his
tiredness and wondered at it, because he didn�t normally grow tired or sleep,
except after he had � the recollection caused him to smile; he had been with
Clow that night. Carefully, so as not to awaken sleeping human, Yue looked up
and was given the vision of his master�s calm face: eyes closed lightly, lips
slightly apart, and dark strands of hair dangling here and there over the
smooth skin. Letting out a soft, contented sigh, Yue put his head back against
the warmth of Clow�s chest.

Slowly,
he realized that his master had both arms wrapped around him in a very
protective manner. The moon guardian felt mirth rise in him as he thought of
the irony of his master being protective of him, even though it was he who was
supposed to protect his master. He also felt a strong, heated feeling that made
his heart quicken even slightly the longer he thought of the way Clow held him.
He knew it better than any other emotion, because it was always there no matter
what mood he was in.

He
never tried to sort out how moments like this made him feel, because the
thoughts were always so muddled together. The feel of his master�s skin against
his, the small but prominent force pushing him against Clow�s chest, the way
the air around them heated to a comfortable temperature, and so many other
details that he noticed swirled together until he closed his eyes tiredly, and
settled on two thoughts. Warm, good.

Yue felt the intimate touch of
heat against his soul and calmed somewhat under the feeling. He had loved Clow
with everything he could for as far back as he could remember, and although the
emotion was always there, it still gave him a pleasant feeling when he focused
on it; a feeling that he would never grow tired of. The moon creature briefly
wondered why it was that when he thought of his new mistress he got the same
feeling. He never would have thought himself able to love anyone other than the
man that had awakened him so long ago, but continually surprised himself with
each new insight that showed him the feeling was attached to someone else as
well. Out of everyone, though, it was only his new mistress that came anywhere
near his love for Clow Reed, and he found it odd that the thought was actually
very comforting.

Just like before...

�They�re just pets, Clow!�

Yue stopped walking, and glanced
at the closed door to his master�s study. He
has a guest? He thought momentarily, and was about to leave when the
occupants started talking again.

�They are friends, Saizu,� Clow�s patient voice floated through the wood.

The sound of something thudding
into a wooden structure told Yue that Saizu had just smacked his hands down on
the desk. �So we�re friends with God?�

�Say what you mean to say,
Saizu,� his master sighed. The moon creature blinked and moved past the door
and stood still to listen to the rest of the conversation.

�Clow, you�ve gone too far.
Those two� they shouldn�t be!� Saizu�s angry voice blasted through the walls of
the small room. �If they were just friends you would treat them that way, but
you created them and have power over their lives and their death. You are to
them as God is to us, Clow, and it never should have been allowed!�

There was silence for a minute,
then the sound of a chair moving. Yue stared hard at the wall and moved closer
to it. That idiot is actually making
sense� He felt something inside him churn the longer Clow was silent.

�That may be true, but they are
here now and I won�t just be rid of them. They may be my creations but they are
still alive, and have their own mind and soul, I will not kill them,� Clow
answered finally.

�How can you say that? It is not
right for any man to play God,� Saizu spoke dangerously.

�And what of your little Suzu?
You attempt to make servants for yourself just as I have, is that not the same
thing?� Yue felt his breath catch in his throat: not even a friend anymore, just a servant?

�That�s exactly what I mean,
Clow; I make things to serve me for as long as I need them, and then are rid of
them. I do not create beings to be with me-�

�What I do with my servants is
my business, not yours,� Clow spoke sharply. �I am happy to know that my
friends care about me enough to continually check on me and pester my morals,
but I am growing weary of being interrogated.�

�But you forget that they are
just tools, Clow. It�s not good to get too attached to tools,� Saizu�s voice
had lowered again, showing exasperation.

�And I can assure you, Saizu,
that I will not forget their intended uses-�

Yue left before he could hear
anymore. Floating quickly down the hallway and trying desperately to push the
conversation from his mind.

Everything you say to me

Takes me one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe

�cause I'm one step closer to the edge

Everything you say to me

Takes me one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe

�cause I'm one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to

Touya narrowed his eyes, �And what makes you think that? You�re so set
on fulfilling Clow�s wishes that I have no doubt you�d be miserable if you had
disappeared and were unable to do so. I would have been upset, Sakura would
have been upset, and I bet, for all the cold words between you, that Kereberos
would have been sad too.�

Yukito tried to focus on the
papers in front of him, but found his mind continually wandering back to a
certain creature in the back of it. He felt� weird, like something inside him
was changing, meshing� Finally, he set his pencil down and sat back with closed
eyes. What�s wrong Yue?

The moon guardian gently reached out to were the �line�
between him and Yukito used to be, finding an almost complete mesh there. This shouldn�t be happening. He pulled
back and felt something tear. What? Trying
again, he felt the tear again, only more this time. The fusion between them was
breaking and with surprising ease. He could pull away, but� his thoughts turned
back to Yukito.

Something ripped and suddenly Yue felt he was drowning in a sea of chaos.
There was something spinning through his mind that moved to Yukito�s and sucked
him into it. Frantically, he pulled back but stopped when he felt the tear
grow. He could leave, he had to leave, he couldn�t last inside anymore, but if
he left, he might take something Yukito needed to live. Yue paused to calm down
and think.

Break

The chaos grew and at the same
time shrank around him; swirling and blurring, rising and falling, seeming like
it would never stop. Yue felt dizzy, and only his ingrained nature towards
calm, his innate sense of keeping his mind clear and focused, kept him from
drowning. Slowly, as if all his actions were dulled and sloth-like, he gathered
together everything he could define as his own. Memories, abilities, power� and
Touya�s power floated like a half-eaten bag of food towards him, into him.
Yukito�s subconscious need to help had pushed the power away from himself and
towards the moon creature who accepted it readily. The colors smashed into each
other; like a crescendo of music, rising higher and higher to some point beyond
hearing and unable to go any further�

Shattered.

One air-piercing note at the end
that destroys consciousness, and suddenly he was falling swiftly out of the
dark, and for once in his life, he didn�t care.

Touya turned to Yukito to see why he�d stopped in the
middle of the path. Petals from numerous flowers glided on the wind around
them, throwing soft spots of color between them. Suddenly, Touya didn�t see
Yukito looking back at him: it was an image, distorted but superimposed over
his boyfriend. He rushed forward, just in time to catch the angel falling from
his stunned lover�s form. He knew that outfit, that hair, those wings� that
person. And he saw those old memories and felt those old fears, as Yue seemed
to fade in and out in his arms.

Shut up when I'm talking to you

�Yue!� Touya found himself
yelling, over and over again, �Yue get up!� He started to pull the moon
creature upright, when he saw Yukito on the ground, moving as though just
waking up. He wanted to rush over to Yukito, but he also didn�t want to drop
Yue.

The moon creature solved the
problem for him, by breaking Touya�s hold on him, and stumbling into a standing
position.

Shut up

Yukito was sitting up now,
looking dazed and utterly lost, but mostly, it was concern that held his
features. He looked up, seeing Touya once, and then the dark haired man was
next to him, helping him up, and Yukito was looking around, sensing what he shouldn�t have been able
to.

Shut up

His eyes locked on a pair of familiar
yet odd blue/violet orbs, set expertly on a fine, chiseled white face. Yukito
stood for a long time just watching the exotic creature look at him in return.
He couldn�t explain what he was seeing, it seemed that the image he looked as
was some sort of frozen hologram, and he felt himself inexorably drawn to it. A
frozen hologram: a rigid ness held by pain and strength.

Shut up

The thundering sound of blood
rushing through him was what brought Touya jarringly back to a conscious frame
of mind. This wasn�t right, wasn�t right at all, and he couldn�t tell what was
wrong. He couldn�t do anything about it. He looked frantically between Yukito
and Yue, not knowing which one to go to. �What happened?!� he screamed, his
voice panicked, stricken.

Shut up when I'm talking to you

Yue felt himself sway, and his
sight dim. He was no longer standing on the ground, but floating on it. Dizzy,
he was very light headed, but at the same time an eerie calm swept over him. He
felt himself fading.

�He�s all right,� the moon
creature spoke finally, his voice clear, though low as he looked to Touya. �He
has everything he needs to be whole.�

shut up

�What about you?� Touya blurted out, unable to
control his voice or his fears.

Shut up

Yukito moved
forward suddenly, his concern now founded on something tangible. Yue was
fading, and fading fast, and something in him was raw, mending, but so raw�

Shut up

�It�s better
this way.� Yue answered, pulling away from them, suddenly fleeing the outdoor
path through blossoming trees as if it were a small room. He had to leave, had
to get away.

Shut up

�Wait! You
can�t just leave! Yukito�s fine, but you have nothing solid- Yue!� Touya was
walking forward; his feet dragging like cement blocks. �You�ll die!�

I'm about to break

I know, Touya, don�t you think I know? Yue answered silently, but he was already speeding up,
stretching his wings. The wind was caught and pocketed under his transparent
wings, but some of it slipped through them, through him. He was a ghost, as insubstantial
as a spirit that was left to wonder aimlessly after death. And he turned, not
going in any direction, flying through
the blossoming trees, and feeling their petals falling through him. An
incredible need to leave drove him,
and something in him told him to fly away as far and
as fast as he could.

Everything you say to me

Takes me one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

�YUE!�

But the moon
guardian had gone through the trees� through! �He�s fading again, he�s fading!�
Touya tried to stay calm, and think rationally.

Yukito didn�t
know what to do, just standing there, tracing Yue like no one should have the
power to do.

Touya pulled
out his cell phone, and quick dialed the first number in its memory. Breath
flowed heavily past his lips in pants that reduced quickly, and by the second
ring he�d calmed down. Someone picked up the phone, �Sakura?�

Li�s voice came
out of the other end, �Touya? She�s cooking ri-�

�Put her on the
phone!� He nearly bellowed, surprised at himself from the force of the command.

But it worked,
and the phone was hurriedly passed to Sakura, who answered now with a cautious,
�Onii-chan?�

�Summon Yue,
you have to,� Touya felt himself getting frantic again�

I need a little room to breathe

�cause I'm one step closer to the edge

I�m about to break

�Shhh, Touya, we already went over this,� Sakura started,
but was quickly cut off.

�Sakura, listen
to me; Yue�s fading, he�s dying he
just separated from Yukito! I don�t know how he did it, but he did, and he took
off. Sakura you have to summon him
now!� Touya practically yelled into the phone.

On the other
end of the line, Sakura�s eyes were becoming impossibly large. �No�� It was a
whisper, a cry, a plea: she didn�t want it to be true; it was a blatant denial.
Then something inside her reacted, a flash like the touch of something far too
distant to know clearly. But she did know it, and knew suddenly how weak it
was, how said, how� painful. �Yue��

�Sakura! Sakura
please!� Touya was talking again, trying to bring her back to the present.

�D-Don�t worry,
Onii-chan, don�t worry!� she called back, already dropping the phone on the
receiver, and rushing for a necklace she had not worn in years.

Everything you say to me

Takes me one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

The sound of heavy running and a
loud roar preceded Keroberos� entrance into Sakura�s living room. �Sakura-!�
Has began loudly, but was brought to a suddenly stop by Li who stood now a
great deal taller than he�d been 15 years ago and had amassed enough strength
to hold the giant feline at bay.

�She�s already summoning him.�
Li answered before the sun guardian could ask his question.

I need a little room to breathe

�cause I'm one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to

The apron
Sakura had been using in the kitchen was beginning to float an inch or so off
her body as her magic accumulated. The staff was held tightly in her hands, its
long pink handle familiar and smooth; reassuring. And in her mind she was
focused on one thing, one person only. His image was sharp and clear in her
mind, even if what she actually felt of him was not. Yue� she called out softly and bent all of her will into the call.

And suddenly
Yue was standing beside her, as beautiful and regal as ever.

She gave a relieved
smile, and started reaching out, only to stop short when she realized that she
wasn�t just seeing him, she was seeing through
him. Then, his cold, calm features shifted to allow a small smile just before
his lips opened.

�Mistress,� but
he couldn�t finish, so weak already, and fell silently to the floor.

Li immediately
intercepted the moon creature�s path to the floor, attempting to catch Yue, but
had to continually re-grab Yue�s clothes as the creature slipped through his
arms. Finally, he used his magic to set Yue gently on the floor without falling
through it too.

�What- Shaoran, I don�t know what to do!� Sakura panicked, looking
fearfully at Yue.

�Whatever it
is, we don�t have much time,� he answered, glancing between his wife and the
pale being on the floor.

Yue felt his
eyelids drooping shut, and a darkness creeping into him. The eerie calmness
overrode his feelings of embarrassment, and worry for his mistress: he was
scaring her, but it was a distant thought. It didn�t matter anymore. Then,
through his dimming senses he caught sight of Keroberos. The large cat was
looking at him with fear, Yue�s smile widened slightly.

�His magic�s
too spread out,� Kero thundered but stayed to the edges of the room. He could
feel Yue fading. �It can�t support him!�

�Condense the
power!� Li yelled.

�How!?�

�Confine it,�
Sakura answered, setting her jaw and gathering her magic.

�He�s not a
card, Sakura!� Kero�s voice was jagged from his worry.

�I have to
try�� she answered, moving into a familiar stance beside Yue, and holding the
lengthened wand straight up. �Yue, return to your power confined!�

Break

Yue�s eyes
shut, what remained of him fading quicker than before. A pentagram appeared
beneath his form, and caught it in swirling magic. The magic spun upwards, pulling
at the moon�s shadow that lay in its grasp until the shadow melded with and
flew into it. A golden rectangle formed in front of the wand Sakura was
focusing on. Slowly, as Yue disappeared, the rectangle changed and took the
form of a card� a Clow Card.

~*~ Author�s Notes ~*~

Thanks for the wonderful reviews! ^_^ I was a little afraid
I wouldn�t get any over here, but here you�ve proven me wrong! Well, getting
reviews, especially constructive ones, really gets me into a writing mood, so
they�re always good when a new chapter comes out ;) I always want to know what
you think of my story! Yap away! *bows*

Sakura101 � Don�t worry, I�ve got some chapters on standby!

Remus � It�s not, *g* I have a lot
in store for everyone, don�t worry.

Anata � A lovely review! That was
so wonderful to read! I love getting reviews like this: specific enough to know
exactly what you liked, but not nit-picky. <3 I haven�t abandoned the story!
There�s still much more to tell!
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Separation Anxiety