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Equivocal	By : Meirav Category: +S to Z > X/1999 Views: 4876 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own X/1999, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Disclaimer: I do not own X

Disclaimer: I do not own X.

Author�s Thanks 1: To my beta Kitsunia, to Whitesakura
the co-writer and to Irresistibly Cruel the wise advisor.

Other many thanks, not a bit fewer then the those of the above, go to Trench Kamen
for advising me about this story.

Author�s Notes: This is the second adition, re-edited version of Equivocal since I�ve been
feeling that the way the story was told the first time failed to hit the right
spot in you readers and get the right result from you.

Disclaimer 2: This story is a non-humor satire,
aimed to mock a certain way far too many writers focus on the yaoi quartet; Fuma-Kamui-Subaru-Seishiro.

Any OOC, over-the-top, non-canon and downright stupid
behavior by the character has its purposes and is NOT written out of the belief
that this is how the characters are really or should really be.

**************************************************

Chapter 3:
Aftermath

Wake up, Little Red Riding Hood

The duvet he made his lair in was sun soaked, the
thick layers beaming warmth into the air pocket where Kamui slept, heating
until it forced the youth out of sleep.

Only barely did he open his eyes to see the light of
late morning shining at him from the hole in his fabric cocoon. He blinked,
using the fact that this was not his bedroom to yank his mind out of slumber.

At once the events of the day before hit him, and not
with the unpleasant bang he predicted it would. Rather then hitting him like a
ton of bricks, it spread through his mind like poisonous gas.

It concentrated in his awareness smack in the middle
of his brain so no matter what he tried to do, there was no way he could tip
toe past it and not be hit by it�s piercing gaze, it�s snarling scorning fanged
mouth.

�You betrayed everything,� it
snarled. �You foolish boy, look what you�ve done.�

Angry at his own mind berating him, daring to talk
back at him, Kamui shut it up with all his might. He ignored its words and
locked them all away, along with the creature spouting them, as far away from
his consciousness as possible.

If he hadn�t done that maybe he wouldn�t be in the
mess he�d be later�

Feeling like he needed to show the creature his
defiance with an actual physical act, Kamui bolted up on the bed. Shaking the
duvet off his naked body, spreading his legs sideways with both feet facing
each other, hanging his head a bit with slumber�s weight still pulling it down,
he frowned.

�Good morning.�

Within minutes whatever defiance, bravery, dominance
and courage he had in him shrank away with its tail between its legs. Kamui
blinked madly to his right and it wasn�t because the sun was shining murder
from the wall of a window to his right.

Seishiro sat by the little elegant western styled oak
table. His large body spreading casually into the vast matching oak chair, his
legs crossed elegantly, his hair neatly combed and his face already shaved
(Kamui could trace faint, heavily masculine aftershave beaming from the man),
holding a neat white steaming coffee mug in one hand and, like any normal and
sane human being (which Seishiro definitely was not!) would do, with the
other holding today�s newspaper folded in half on the sports section.

There was a large silver trey on the table�s polished
wood top, laden with plates of muffins, French
originated rolled cookies, another cup of coffee, a neat transparent coffee
mug, a sugar bowl and a small milk jug.

Seishiro looked directly at him, absolutely disarmed
and calm as if they were two of the most ordinary people in the world �There�s
some lovely breakfast here for you,� he said nonchalantly.

Kamui blinked again, trying to process what�s going
on.

There was no mistaking about it: sure as hell Seishiro
sat there and not because he came into the room at morning to bring Kamui his
breakfast, rather because they had sex the other day and he slept in.

There wasn�t even a way for Kamui to deny the details
of what happened yesterday. His wrists wore new bracelets of bright red rash
from the leather. The two binding straps, leather and silk, lay cast off on the
nightstand, along with the lubricant tube which lay on its side with the cap on
the carpet and a little congealed fluid from too much squeezing earlier the
other day at it�s tip. The lamp he unscrewed to make
room for the hook lay under the breakfast table, Seishiro�s
(bare!) feet playfully clutching its silver rod with its toes.

Kamui shot to his feet, grabbing the duvet with him to
cover himself up (�where�s the point in that silly boy, he�s seen you more
exposed then nudity can offer� SHUT UP!) and rushed into the bathroom.

With a towel to cover himself this time, he stomped
over to the bedside cabinet where his clothes were, ripping them off the
cabinet while glaring death at the other man (now munching on one of those
strange French rolls) and stomped off into the bathroom.

He brushed his teeth, combed his hair as much as he
could, washed his face over and over again before he realized he should take an
overall shower (his lower abdomen was covered with semen and the same thing
could be said about his rear end).

He took the quickest shower possibly, not even
bothering to fumble with the water temperature controlling buttons. The
ice-cold water helped him recover his senses as he stood under them, feverishly
soaping his body as if to purify it.

Then he stepped out of the shower, brushed his teeth
again, fought his pile of untamed hair and failed miserably before he put his
clothes back on and shot out of the shower, out of the room, out of the hotel,
and out of sanity.

If he didn�t run to the elevator he would have been be
able to hear Seishiro laughing through the room�s door.

****************

Laugh, Big Bad Wolf

Seishiro sat there laughing for almost five minutes,
stopping only because his lower back started hurting. Ah yes, he is getting
older, and such sitting positions do not go well with the aging.

He sat up, threw the newspaper carelessly away, lit a
cigarette, gulped his coffee fully and ravished the two pastry plates. There
was no need to keep up the attire he held before Kamui�s
eyes when the boy was no longer here right?

The second cigarette (the after-food one, unlike the
first, along-with-coffee, cigarette) silently burning between his fingers,
Seishiro placed his chin on his palm and looked out to the city. A low chuckle
tickled under his ribcage, wishing to get out. He let it go, savoring how
Hollywood-ishly evil he sounded.

And wasn�t he just that? Was he not the perfect demon
when he stayed here to sleep the night with Kamui only to be here in the
morning and act as a painful reminder of the boy�s searing treason?

Seishiro enjoyed tormenting waifs like the boy so much
he wondered if �sadism� can be considered an emotion and if so, how did it slip
past his mother�s strict anti-emotion training.

And how was little Subaru-kun doing this morning? Seishiro
sent his senses forward, reaching out to his markings to guide him to his prey.

Yes, he�ll pay a visit to his little china doll with
emerald eyes and a heart of shattered glass today.

He always wanted to know if broken glass can be
smashed into dust and if so, will it glitter beautifully in the light?

********************

Now Suffer, Red

Kamui arrived to school at 11:30, entering his classroom in the middle of class. The
teacher gave him a searing look. Didn�t matter.

Nothing could sear Kamui any more then his own
conscious.

And so class flew by without Kamui paying attention to
a single word the teacher spoke. Hell, he didn�t even bother to open his
notebook, not even his textbook when the teacher told them to.

It�s a good thing Imonoyama-sama
told all his teachers that he might be undergoing some mental stressful times,
ordering them to overlook any slacking in his school work.

It was his fellow Seals that could not overlook his
absence or his strange behavior. His �friends�, the Seals�such
pests really.

They rushed over to him at lunch break in a cacophony
of worried questions and berating comments for him to please not run off like
that without telling them or without keeping some kind of contact with them.

They were easy to dodge, as imprisoning the little
triangle Sorata Arashi and Yuzuriha made when they stood around him could seem.
Kamui learnt how to shake them off pretty early in their relationship.

He hung his head low, frowned sadly, cast his eyes
sideways. With a whisper of a tone he mumbled �I was walking around town trying
to find Fuma�or any DoE�but I ended up in Togakushi shrine�I think I almost fell asleep where my
house was but�I kinda dragged myself into the house
to sleep in a normal bed��

A muzzle couldn�t shut them up better. They stood
around him like blocks of ice, staring at him with various levels of pity.

�I�I think I�ll go to that place for a while��
He turned away from them, cursing under his breath as soon as he was far enough
from them.

Now he had the use of Togakushi
shrine to mask his misdeeds to add to his pile of guilt. Lovely.

The school hummed around him, various cheers or
squeals from students piercing the bright warm air. Noise, so
much noise, so useless and stupid.

Kamui needed a dank, dark place to curl up in and feel
sorry for himself. He didn�t need this damned campus
full of perfectly kept gardens and spoiled students thinking they can fill the
air with meaningless happiness. What do they know of happiness when, surely,
they never knew enough sadness in their life to know what true joy is?

What did he know of happiness? Happiness was
torn away from him when every dream he had of stopping death from snatching his
dearest away broke before he could touch it.

His self-consuming thoughts came to a halt when Subaru
came into his sight.

The older man was sitting in that marble little ach,
smoking his lungs away. He was looking off (thankfully) at the direction
opposite to that of Kamui�s with that same blank
expression like he�s not quite on the same level as everybody.

Kamui simply could not bring himself to see the older
man right now, not now, please! What if Subaru caught the scent of sakura and
smoke off of him? What if there was a way he could sense what happened, what if
that bastard left some sign on him for Subaru to pick up?

A violent shudder caught Kamui�s
limbs, the very thought of Subaru finding out made him sick to his stomach. He
held it back, looking around for a route of escape; he dashed in that
direction with tears in his eyes.

Kotori�s tree waited for him with
large comforting branches to curl up on, an abundance of merry little birds
intertwined in its foliage and the soft sweet grass between its roots.

�And you think you can just walk into its territory
after what you�ve done? Hah! Your feet ought to be burnt at the first touch
with a virgin�s grave, you impudent, defiled little monster!�

(Didn�t I tell you to shut the fuck up?!)

He walked to the tree trunk, placing his palm on it
instinctively. With catlike flexibility he climbed to the thickest, tallest
branch and splayed himself there, exhausted.

So many thoughts bothered him, so much guilt, and so
much self-disgust. As he lay there he
rubbed the sides of his arms, his fingers soon curling to claw at his sleeves.

He wanted to scratch the skin off of his flesh. He
wanted to walk into a fire and burn his sins off. He wanted to put a bullet to
his brain and end this miserable existence. Kamui was not unfamiliar with
suicidal thoughts�hell he might have invented them!

�Fuma�� He exhaled; casting his eyes to the sun softly
playing on the fresh green leafs around him. �How could I�?�

Slamming his palms on his face he gave another soul
wrenching sigh. �Subaru�oh Subaru�how could I have done this to you?�

His sobs almost shook his body off the branch.

***********************

Prowling

The sun shone down on the city of iron, concrete and
human sin, making the light breeze hot and humid. It was getting a little bit
too hot to stand around in a three-piece suit and trench coat but nothing in
the world would keep the Big Bad Wolf from keeping his style.

Subaru-kun was walking out of a train station opposite
to the building Seishiro stood on, looking at the map from the fax he got
earlier this morning as he dashed forward. He was on his way to a Sumeragi
assignment, and about to be late.

Smiling, Seishiro observed his prey with immense
delight. How wonderfully the sun shone of Subaru-kun�s
hair, how lovely it bounced off his almost sickeningly white skin.

How wonderfully the breeze carried his maboroshi
sakura petals into Subaru�s view, making him stop dead in his pace.

The man stared forward, transfixed, lost in his
thoughts. Seishiro had managed to rip Subaru�s attention from his mission and
plunge him into an emotional whirlpool.

Of course it wasn�t the season when the cherry trees
blossom, these petals came from only one source.

�Think about me Subaru-kun,
think about me until you feel like screaming and tearing at your hair. Think
about me until you�re ready to give into to the tree branches and you�ll be all
mine. And you are mine�only mine, only��

�Is this all you have to do these days, Seishiro-san?�

His �Kamui� landed on a building top only a meter or
so higher then his. He stood with his hands in his bratty little pair of jeans,
looking down at him through those black John Lennon shades he thinks are so
cool.

�My prey is mine to deal with. My schedule of it is no
one�s business.�

Intentionally, Seishiro did not remove his eyes from
the man down on the street.

Only now Subaru started recovering the little mental
shock, checking the time in his wristwatch to see he�s five minutes late to his
appointment. Ah well, at least Seishiro managed to execute one little reminded
of himself in Subaru-kun�s life. Now he can handle
the little brat behind him.

�I want you to do some work for me.� The brat spoke,
his tone ice cold and careless.

�Whatever happened to �please�?� Seishiro sighed.
�Kids these days��

�Kamui� remained unchanged. �You will stop seeing this
Seal so often. You will stop encountering him unless it is in order to start a
battle over a kekkai.�

Seishiro could not keep his eyebrows from soaring high
in his forehead as his leader truly took him by surprise (damn that brat, this
is the second time he�s doing that!). He did not just say that, did he?

�That is an order.�

And the cowardly little brat didn�t even stay around
to hear his reply! He took off immediately after clearing that point, keeping
the upper hand. Seishiro felt like strangling somebody, the brat preferably.

No one can tell him what to do with Subaru-kun!

Ah but didn�t he have a winning card with last night�s
events in his arsenal? Wasn�t the little boy something �Kamui� cares about?

No, he won�t waste his time on Subaru-kun; he�ll spend
it playing with the brat�s boy. And he just might enjoy it. No, he will definitely
enjoy it.

There were so many things he had in store for that
boy. He wondered just how much the boy could take?

**********************

Silence

The world didn�t look any better three days later. His
chest did not ache any less for hearts he broke and loyalties he defiled, his
head was not became anyway lighter from stormy thoughts.

School, Seals, Tokyo, night,
day, all zoomed past Kamui as if he was stuck in suspended animation with the
world rushing around him. He was too heavy to reach out and catch up with it.
His guilt was a ball and chain at his ankles.

He simply could not bring himself to face Subaru and
look him in the eye. Whenever he thought about Subaru, an image of the dreamy
eyed tall lean man with a knife in his back popped before his eyes. Was it not
him who drove that knife in? Was it not him who slept with Subaru�s beloved
Seishiro-san?

What did he find in that overly smug asshole anyway?
Staying around in the morning only to stick out like a sore thumb.

And see, he couldn�t even say that to Subaru
could he? He couldn�t even walk up to him and say �Hey Subaru, man, what do you
find in that guy anyway?! He�s a horrible bastard and a sniggering, drooling
sex fiend. He�s not even good in bed or something!�

No�he couldn�t say that, could he.

He couldn�t even say Seishiro was no good in bed
because Kamui all but had his mind blown out that time, it was the best thing
that ever happ-

No! Mustn�t think about it! Must tell
Subaru�somehow�oh god, somehow, but how?!

His feet were taking him around his dorms, trying to
let the fresh air cheer him up and clear his mind a bit. And there he was,
Subaru, sitting in a little wicker gazebo at the corner of a beautiful wisteria
garden.

Come on Kamui; are you a man or a mouse? Face the
consequences of your foul deeds!

Kamui
wandered down the path from the mansion into the garden. He rubbed absently at
his wrists that were blue and black, ringed with bruises under his well
camouflaging school uniform�s sleeves.

Subaru
was out by the gazebo, sitting on one of the inside benches. The onmyouji was
deep in thought, gazing out over the grass and trees. Subaru leaned his back
against one of the wooden pillars. A forgotten cigarette dangled between his
fingers. There was ash on Subaru�s pants, but he didn�t seem to notice. He
didn�t seem to notice anything much these days; so sunk in his world of dreams
and long forgotten fake kind smiles was he.

�Subaru,�
Kamui said, resting a hand on one of the gazebo�s beams.

Subaru
startled and his fingers jerked. The delicate column of ash between them
crumbled.

�Kamui,�
Subaru answered and inclined his head as an invitation for the boy to sit.

Kamui
did so, hesitatingly, on the other side of the gazebo but he also reached out
to dust the ashes off Subaru�s lap.

Subaru
seemed a little shocked, but when he looked up and met Kamui�s eyes, Subaru was
smiling serenely.

Kamui
looked away and clenched his hands into fists on his knees.

�Subaru,
something happened a few days ago,� Kamui began. His eyes began to sting. �I
did something terrible.�

There
was only stillness, and then Kamui could feel the onmyouji drift close.
Subaru�s warmth was slow and encompassing, nurturing like warm water, not like
fire. Not hot and destructive at all.

Yet,
Subaru smelled almost the same, faintly of smoke, faintly of sakura. The thought of that man when Subaru was so close, looking concerned
and worried, made Kamui�s stomach twist.

�Tell
me,� said Subaru softly. His words were a comforting caress. �Tell me what
happened.�

�I
betrayed two people,� Kamui whispered. �One whom I�ve known forever, the other
whom I care about � who made me realize the importance
of fighting for my wish. I � I don�t know how to tell them.�

Subaru
rose and turned, until Kamui could only see his back.

�It�s
important to tell the truth from the beginning,� Subaru said, starring out over
the landscape.

�Someone
once lied to me for a long time and the day he told me the truth � my world
ended,� Subaru said, his gaze wandering to the still flickering cigarette in
his fingers. Subaru crushed it forcefully on the railing. Its spark went out. It
left a black dot on the immaculate white marble, never again clean and perfect.

Kamui
didn�t answer.

�You�ll
tell them soon,� Subaru said, taking Kamui�s hand. �Let�s go back. The sky is
becoming grey with clouds. It will rain soon.�

Kamui
followed, knowing he would never take that advice.

It�s
different when the truth can hurt the one you love.

*********************

Meaningless Mission

Hinoto�s basement shrine was never so dull and pointless,
her words never as meaningless as they were to Kamui now.

His
head still low, still heavy with thought, Kamui attended the meeting. He forced
his attention to the prophetesses� words.

Hinoto
wasn�t feeling too well, couldn�t see dreams, DoE�s dreamgazer blocking vision
from her. Doesn�t know where the next kekkai will shatter, unable to help them,
ceremoniously polite and sorry.

�So�what
does it mean?� Sorata was the only person Kamui ever saw who could talk and
chew at the same time. And he actually made it possible to understand what he
says when his mouth is full, though it took its toll on how he looked when he
did that.

They
were sitting in a restaurant, discussing the meeting while Sorata and Yuzuriha
charge up.

Kamui�s eyes begged for sleep. The world became unbearable
to withstand. Something was missing.

�I
guess it means we have to patrol around Tokyo a lot, just be around
if the DoE try to start something.� The neon lights in the restaurant reflected
nicely from Arashi�s hair. She must be combing it
hundreds of times to get it so fine and shiny.

Kamui
wished he had the patience to take care of himself like that. Maybe then he
wouldn�t end up with a mop of knots like his hair if he did.

�Right! We�ll split into teams and scan aaaaall over Tokyo!� Yuzuriha could give
him a maddening headache with that constant cheerfulness�and that�d be on a
good day.

�May
I join you? I believe I finish work the same time as you do on normal days.�
The woman with the big cleavage talked to the really nerdy guy.

Why
was it he couldn�t remember their names now?

Whirlpool in his head. Didn�t drink enough perhaps.
Crazy weather going super hot after being super stormy yesterday, caught him
off guard, probably dehydrated.

He
took a large sip from his plastic soda cup.

�You
girls go together then,� Sorata said into his fifth meatball. �Me and Kamui,
we�ll go together.� The strong arm he hooked around Kamui�s shoulder made the
youth�s head throb.

He
looked out into the city night, his face slightly reflecting on the big
restaurant window. He didn�t dare look into the eyes of his reflection. Something�s
missing.

�I�ll
go alone,� he heard himself groan.

Maybe
he�ll find Fuma. Maybe he�ll find some silence to his crazed thoughts.
Honestly, being obsessed about Fuma was better then this shit.

His
�friends� were arguing with him, some just sitting and staring at him in silence.

�I
want to do this alone. I�ll go, I�ll be fine. Maybe I�ll find Fuma�before he
does something too bad�

He
got up before they could stop him, walking out of the restaurant before he
could hear Sorata yelling �But you can�t make a barrier shield!� into the
crowded restaurant. Neither could he hear Arashi�s
calm scowling for Sorata to keep it down around civilians.

He
couldn�t hear Seiichiro muttering under his breath that �Something is going
wrong with him��

****************

Mission? What Mission?!

Kamui
longed for the cool breeze of the night�s air but the city would have none of
that. Even atop the lamppost, the high buildings around him blocked the wind.
All those neon lights, open-air restaurant kitchens, so much human activity, if
there was coolness to the air it had been heated up a long time ago.

Kamui
sat with one knee drawn under his chin, the other dangling carelessly from the
lamppost, looking sketchily down at the city below.

Such a bore. Something�s missing. Noise in his head. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Subaru
and Fuma.

He
leaped back into the crowds, hands in his pockets, head hung, walking past
restaurants to sniff the multiple scented air. An average
teen on a night out alone.

If
a DoE stumbles across him he�ll tear them apart right here and now, the last
thing he wanted on his mind was this ridiculous fight!

Kamui
kicked at a stray soda can, swearing under his breath at anything and anybody
within sight.

�Where
are you Fuma? Where are you when I need you?

�Where
were you?�

Tears
made him close his eyes and swear a little more. He couldn�t stop them from
flowing though, no matter how much he kicked himself mentally for crying in
public. Where are all of Tokyo�s lampposts when you
need them?

Then
he felt it, like a pinch to his awareness; the presence.

He
raised his head, squinted the tears away and focused.

And
there he was; an insolent lone figure. No one can stand out in the middle of
such bustling crowds like Seishiro can; no one can force you to recognise him
like he can.

Kamui
blinked at the heavily suited man in the midst of the careless, ever partying
crowd. The bastard was smiling, faintly pointing at the ice cream stand to his
left as a hint.

BASTARD!
How dare he? With such a careless smile, such a fake mask! Kamui felt like
rushing over to him and punch the idiot�s stomach through his back!

Standing
there, shaking with anger, the storms in his mind buzzing into an unbearable
din, Kamui was ready to burst out screaming everything that made him angry in
Seishiro.

While
he stood there, the assassin walked to the ice cream shop and bought himself
two ice cream cones (vanilla and chocolate chips). He eyed the ice cream lady
as she poured thick chocolate sauce on the smooth ball of white vanilla ice
cream.

He
thanked the lady kindly and walked to the simmering youth, holding the vanilla
cone at the boy. �Ice cream? It�s good for your
health.�

Ah,
the Year was such good practice for sounding like the kind uncle, Seishiro was very
proud of his achievements in that field.

Kamui
glared at the chocolate smudged ice cream, trying to melt it with the intensity
of his glare. The next moment he was gone, off to the closest train station to
get him back into Clamp Campus. A good cup of tea and a full night�s sleep
should do his nerves a world of good.

Abandoned,
Seishiro licked at his cone lazily. Never mind. He�ll snare the boy some other
time.

Hmmm-delicious
chocolate syrup�

A
plan was formed. He won�t snare the boy some other time; he�ll snare him now.

Weaving
a concealing maboroshi around his shiki, Seishiro sent his falcon into the ice
cream store.

The
ice cream lady wondered where those clicking sounds came from as the shiki�s
claws hit the smooth glass surface of her counter, waddling clumsily towards
the bottle of chocolate syrup.

Seishiro
had it in hand within a minute, smiling to himself. He wondered off towards the
train station where Little Red Riding Hood disappeared.

He
spotted Kamui waiting for the wrong train (wrong in his dictionary anyway). The
boy had his arms crossed on his chest, a permanent frown on his pretty little
face, his eyes feverishly staring forward.

Ah
yes, little boy, you�ve felt it too. The tug.
Something�s missing for you, does it not? If you�d like it, I�ll have something
missing too. Then maybe we can go to my apartment and take back what went
missing, ne?

Kamui�s
mind was still feverish to a point of physical pain when the smell of sakura,
smoke and a little chocolate on the breath blown gently into his right ear
came.

�You�re
standing on the wrong platform. This train will take you down to Clamp Campus,�
the Wolf purred.

�That�s
where I�m heading,� Red Riding Hood snarled back, feeling the bigger man�s head
was still by the side of his head and stopped him from glaring back at the man.

�You�d
be better off using the opposite platform.�

�Oh really? And where would that lead me to?�

�Bastard! Bastard! Bastard! I hope the venom in my voice
will kill you! Pervert! Bastard! You broke Subaru�s heart, you evil twisted
bastard!�

�Why,
back to my apartment of course. My penthouse that is�� the Wolf
answered.

�Tssk, you think flashing money�s gonna
make me come crawling back to you? Bastard!�

�And
what the hell makes you think I�d do that?� Red spat back.

�Broke
Suabru�s heart, bastard�hot breath on my skin�think
of Subaru��

Seishiro
didn�t answer.

A
smooth, thick fluid dripped onto Kamui�s neck. It was about to flow into his
shirt and stain it when Seishiro bent a little bit further and licked the few
drops off with one smooth, long stroke.

The
thunders in Kamui�s mind silenced, giving way for lightning bolts.

Without
words, Seishiro walked off towards the opposite platform, followed just as
silently by Kamui.

(tbc)
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Equivocal