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Musings	By : laurabryannan Category: +S to Z > Samurai Champloo Views: 6337 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Musings, III

by Laura Bryannan

This chapter takes place right before episode 16, in which
the three quarrel and go their separate ways.�
My cannon bumps into real cannon� Spoiler for episode 14.

Fuu:�

I�m a foolish, foolish girl.� I don�t know what�s wrong with me.� My life is all topsy-turvy and I don�t know what to make of
it.� It was terrible when mama died, but
I had a nice thing going with auntie and uncle at the teahouse.� I really thought I had it all figured
out.� And then they showed up and
everything went bonkers.� And now I�m
here on the road with these two wierdos, and it�s been a learning experience to
say the least.� I�ve never spent any
time with guys before this.� Are they
all as weird as these two?� They stink
and they swear and posture and fight all the time.� Well, I suppose that�s not fair to Jin.� He doesn�t stink and he doesn�t swear, but he�s still weird.� And that Mugen�can anyone be as horny and
gross as him?� I�m embarrassed to be
seen with him in public sometimes.�

I hate admitting it, but being out here in the wide world
has been pretty frightening sometimes.�
I never knew what kinds of trouble a girl could get into until I got
into it, again and again.� Jin and Mugen
may be wierdos, but they have been there for me so far.� I feel safe around them.� No matter what bad things they might have
done in the past, I can tell they�re good guys now.� They�re just weird.� What
can I say?

But I can�t figure out what�s wrong with me.� Here I am with two guys, one is beautiful,
kind and wears a mon on his kimono everyone knows.� Even living in an out-of-the-way place as mama and I lived, we
knew who that family was.� The other is
a scraggly smelly jerk and a half with prison tattoos, of all things, and who
do I get a crush on?� That�s right,
yours truly picks the jerk and a half.�
Maybe it�s because I�m a jerk and a half too.� It�s gotta be.�

After Jin helped me that night, you�d think I�d be all hot
and bothered about him.� I�ll admit I
get hot and bothered remembering that experience, but I can�t stop myself from
wondering what it would be like if Mugen and me�.�� Oh, Fuu, you are so totally retarded!� I�ve been trying to figure out why I�m such
a retard.� Jin seemed scary to me for a
long time.� He�s soooo handsome, true,
but he was about as personable as a rock.�
How can a girl get a crush on a rock, I ask you?� Even I�m not that kooky.

I�ve had some time to think about things since that
wonderful night at the spring and I believe I made the mistake I made with
Seiji because I was trying to get my feelings for Mugen out of my head.� Or maybe I was trying to make him jealous or
something.� Too bad he didn�t notice or
care.� I just got tired of being ignored
by Jin and taunted by Mugen, I guess.�
Seiji was so good-looking and, being a blacksmith and all, he sure was
built.� Both of those two guys together
wouldn�t be as big as he was.� He was nice
to me, too.� Oh dear.� It�s clear I know nothing about how to deal
with men.�

So Jin helped me and now I know some wonderful secrets about
myself.� It�s made me feel stronger,
somehow.� Like I�m a woman of the world
now.� And the nights aren�t as lonely
when I know how to make myself happy.�
Jin�s been more open with me too, and I don�t feel afraid being near him
anymore.� I didn�t realize how much I
missed just being close to another person until that night.� He still doesn�t talk much, but he�ll smile
at me if I sit by him, and he�ll pet me like he did then.� I guess he�s like the big brother I never
had.� Mugen treats me like a baby sister
too, only he�s the kind of brother who pulls your hair, spills ink down your
back and then laughs at you about it.�
What a jerk!�

But I�ve got to admit I felt something for him the moment I
saw him.� He walked in the door and I
got chills up my back.� I really
did.� I was so flustered after he talked
to me I tripped over my own feet and, well, the rest is history as they
say.� And somewhere during this journey
things started to change.� I can�t
really say when�some time in Hamamatsu, I think.� I was sitting near Mugen one day and I noticed he didn�t reek the
way he usually did.� It was nice.� It�s certainly made life with him more
pleasant, that�s for sure!� And he�s
been quieter somehow, too.� He and Jin
don�t seem to be going at it so much, either, so that�s also been good.� That got old really fast, I tell ya.�

And then there was that horrible nightmare with that Mukuro
creep.� I was so jealous of Kohza I
couldn�t believe it!� It was obvious she
wanted Mugen, and I was afraid he�d go back to them�to her. �Or, even worse, I thought he might bring her
along with us.� When he decided to do
that job with them I was so angry, I couldn�t even look at him.� But when we thought he was dead I thought I
wanted to die too.� I think Jin felt the
same way.� I cried practically non-stop
till I found him on the beach.� Any hope
of hiding my feelings for him from myself kind of ended after that.� When Jin told me that it was really Kohza
who set Mugen up I could have ripped that bitch�s heart out myself.� I couldn�t believe Mugen let her live, but
maybe that�s because her death is mine.�
Oh dear, I sound like them, don�t I?� Well good on me!�

---------------

My heart is going to break.�
I feel sick.� I can�t believe
what I just saw.� They went off the road
to go pee and I did the same, in a different direction, of course.� When I was done I sat down to wait for
them.� I heard them coming, but I was
far enough away they didn�t see me.� Jin
was walking ahead and Mugen after.�
Mugen runs up to him and pulls Jin�s hair.� I knew he was the hair-pulling type, I laugh to
myself.� Jin pivots and takes a swing at
him but misses, and then Mugen tries the same and misses too.� I�m smiling, and then my heart stops.� I hear Mugen say, �Come here you asshole,�
and then he grabs Jin and kisses him!�
He kisses him and kisses him.�
Jin doesn�t push him away or anything.�
He puts his arms around Mugen and is obviously enjoying it.� Suddenly everything made sense.� Things have changed around here because
they�re lovers!� I thought I was going
to cry right then and there.�

It was just the last straw.�
Why is everyone, even Jin for god�s sake, more desirable to Mugen than
me?� Am I so horrible?� Am I so ugly?� Am I so unbearable?� It
kind of hurt when Jin got all googly about that Shino woman, but I was more
upset that he might leave us than because he loved her.� But it always hurts me when Mugen
can�t keep his thing in his pants.� I
don�t understand why everyone else is acceptable but me.� I feel so left out.� I feel like I�m the most despised little bug
that ever walked the earth.� It�s just
not fair they have each other and I�m tagging along alone and unwanted.� I think I need to get away from these guys
right away.� I don�t know how I can hide
how awful I feel.� If they both hate me
so much, they don�t have to put up with my presence any longer.� So there!�

Jin:

Things are spinning out of control.� Something bad is going to happen�everything
I see points to it.� Fuu is upset.� Since yesterday she�s been struggling with
something and she�s not hiding it well.�
I realize it�s been wrong to exclude her.� Codes I grew up with demand we not approach her or allow her
in.� We�re supposed to be protecting her
and she is so young.� But there
are other ways to dishonor a person and I�ve come to believe that by excluding
her we�re hurting her.�

She�s obviously got a crush on him.� He�s so clearly in lust with her.� I don�t think the outcome will be good if
they don�t do something to acknowledge this very soon.� They�ve been at each other�s throats for the
past twenty-four hours and I am weary of it.�
I would imagine she�s noticed something has changed between Mugen and
me.� We have a truce, of sorts, between
us and I�m sure it�s obvious despite the fact that Mugen still behaves like an
idiot most of the time.� How can it be
for her when we�re the only family she has and we�ve been pushing her
away?�

I�ve been plotting about how to get them together.� I�ve been doing research in the past few
days.� I needed to know what he knew
about women.� I knew he was a skilled
lover of men, but of women?� I didn�t
want him repeating her first experience.�
I couldn�t live with myself if I plotted to get them together and then
he brutalized her the way the other man had.�
After we had caught our breath and come back to the real world one
afternoon, I finally asked:

�Tell me about your best experience with a woman, Mugen.�

He considered for a moment, and then replied, �Only if you
tell me about yours, if ya got one, that is.��

�I have.�

�You do?�
Really?� Was it that Shino
woman?�

�No.�

�No?!� Well, who was
it?� he demanded.

�I seem to remember I asked the question first.� Don�t try to change the subject,� I
countered.� �You show me yours, and then
I�ll show you mine.��

�OK, OK.� Well I had
this friend whose ma kinda took care of me after my ma�was gone.� Any time I was hanging with Hiero she�d feed
me, fuss over me, make sure I was OK.�
So I hung with Hiero a lot, right?� he laughed.� �She was the best thing in my life when I
was a kid, and she was pretty like an angel too.� I was in love with her forever.��
He closed his eyes and sat there for a few moments, his face softening
as he remembered something obviously sweet.��

�Well, one day when I was twelve I got beat up.� Not real bad, but I guess it looked worse
than it was cuz she threw a fit when she saw me.� She dumped me in the tub and got all the bleeding stopped.� When I got out something happened.� You know, by then I was taller than she
was.� We started making out.� And, well, I pretty much had then what I got
now and I ain�t met a lady yet who didn�t want to jump me once they check it
out.� I knew girls who stuck with me and
they didn�t even like me, just to get some.�
Uh�I guess I�m rambling.� So I
can�t think of any specific time, but for the next three years she let me be
with her every now and then.� Every time
was the best, you know?� I learned from
her there was more to sex than the ol� in out�.�

�You mean you weren�t an accomplished lover at twelve?� I
teased.

�Shut up, you fuck.��
He kicked my leg.� �She showed me
what she liked, and let me do it.� I
never had me a tastier pussy.� You
ever eat pussy, Jin?��

�Yes.�� He regarded
me in disbelief.�

�You like it?�� He
knew he�d get me there.

�Well�let�s just say there are other things I prefer to do
with a woman than that,� I admitted.� I
was relieved to learn he wasn�t totally ignorant about pleasuring women.� Now that I had the information I wanted out
of him, I was motivated to keep my side of it as brief as possible.�

�Your turn,� he demanded.�
�I thought you learned all your sex tricks at the dojo.�� I burst out laughing.� I can�t remember when I laughed so hard, and
it felt really good.� Seeing him staring
at me�eyes wide, mouth open�set me off every time I looked at him.�

�Oh my god,� I wiped my eyes.� It really wasn�t that funny, but I couldn�t stop giggling.� �Thank you, Mugen.� I think I�m laughing because we students fucked each other, of
course, but it wasn�t what we were being taught!�� I had to take a deep breath before I could go on.�

�At the dojo there was never anyone I wanted to use my sex
tricks on.� I had sex for my own release
and�well, to exert control over certain uppity ones who required it, but I
didn�t care about my lover�s pleasure.�
I actually leaned my sex tricks from a woman, the same as you.� Our stories are remarkably similar.� My family kept concubines and I met the
youngest one when I was thirteen.� She
was older and a surrogate mother to me as well.� I was in love with her, and she was always sweet with me.� She taught me about women and about myself
too.� Do you still prefer older women
because of it?� I believe I do.�

�Yeah, I guess so.�
But I�ll take �em whatever age I can get �em.�� He growled and then lunged at me.� �A concubine, huh?�� He
purred against my neck.� �I like
thinking of a pretty woman sticking her fingers up your ass.�� I liked thinking about it too.� I liked the thought of him thinking about
it.

�Well, you�re not a pretty woman, but�.�� The hint was obvious enough to make me
cringe inwardly, but I expected him to run with it.� Instead he backed away from me, frowning.

�You letting me in your ass, Jin?� he asked, examining my
face as if he didn�t know me.��

�Yes.�� I couldn�t
believe he was getting up and gathering his clothes.�

�Hmmm.�

�That�s my line.�

�Well�um�I need to think about this.� Let�s talk about it later.�� And off he went.� I felt stunned, confused and humiliated as well.� I�d been certain he�d jump at the chance I
gave him, so this turn of events did not make sense to me at all.� Not at all.�

Mugen:

Things are going batshit around here.�� Jin has been acting weird and I don�t
fucking like it.� Fuu�s been on my case
more than usual, and I�ve had enough of that shit too.�� Where does she get off looking down her
nose at me?� The little bitch.� Why can�t I stop getting horny for her?� She�s such a fucking nag, I should hate her
guts.� She�s just so young and
sweet.� She always smells nice.� I bet she tastes good too.� She�s not like any girl I�ve met
before.� She�s not hardened or all
twisted up inside.� She�s brave and fun
and knows how to dish my shit back to me.�
I really like that about her.� Well
fuckit.� Who gives a damn now?� Things were good for a while.� I guess that�s how it goes for me, huh?� Nothing good ever lasts long in my
life.�

So Jin.� First off,
he�s been bugging me about Fuu lately, asking me what I thought about her and
all.� Like why should he care?� I don�t get it.� It makes me nervous.� And
then I�ve been kicking myself in the ass for making the comment I did the other
day.� The stupid shit wants me to fuck
him.� He just came right out and asked
me last night.�

Yeah right.� Like my
cock is gonna fit in that virgin ass of his.�
I always thought of him as a smart guy, but he�s sure being a stupid
fuck about this.� The whole thing feels
wrong to me.� I mean, the only guys I
fucked were guys I wanted to hurt.� If
they were such dumshits to want me to rip �em a new one, I was glad to do
it.� I never liked any guy I
fucked.� How can I tell him something
like that about myself?

And then this wildass thing happened the other day.� We were together and I had already sucked
him off.� He was finger fucking me the
way he does, and taking his goddam time about jacking me off the way he does,
so I was pretty much a goner.� Finally I
feel like I�m gonna cum and I can tell he�s gonna let me.� In the far away distance I feel something
tickling on my belly and a warm mouth on my cock.� Oh my fucking god!� It
felt so good I just came and came, not really getting what had just
happened.�

I got my shit together in time to see him raise his
head.� I pulled him up and kissed him to
taste myself in his mouth, and there I was.�
Un-fucking believable!� It made
me really happy for the time we kissed, but after that I started
freaking out.� Things were moving too
fast, and I didn�t know how to deal with it.�
Was he going uke on me?�� Was he
a secret uke?� The thought scared the
shit out of me.� I need him to be the
strong one, not just for me but for Fuu too.�
I could tell he wasn�t getting the reaction he had expected from me, but
I couldn�t help myself.� I was really
freaking out.

�Look,
that felt amazing,� I said honestly.�
�Just give me time to get used to the idea, OK?�� Jin has always been a wierdass seme, I reminded
myself, so maybe this turn of events didn�t mean he wanted to shift the power
between us.�

But
today he�s been pissy.� I guess it
probably didn�t help that I insulted him when he asked me to fuck him.�

�You�re a goddamn idiot,� was what I said.� He looked genuinely puzzled, the stupidass
fool.�

�I don�t understand,� he said quietly.�

�If you can�t figure out why your request makes you a goddam
idiot, I�m not going to fucking explain it to you!�� I got the hell outta there.�
I still don�t know why this fucks with my head so much, but it sure as
hell does.� I gotta figure things
out.�

Well, when Jin gets pissed he doesn�t yell or get
violent.� He withdraws.� He just goes away.� He becomes inaccessible.�
He�s avoided me since then and I don�t give a shit.� So things are most definitely going to hell
around here.� Maybe it�s done with
us.� It sure wouldn�t be the first time
I lost people I cared about.� Prolly
won�t be the last either.� Have to see,
I guess�.

to be continued��
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Musings, III