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My Sun, My Supernova	By : ditchgospel Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3283 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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My Sun, My Supernova

Chapter 3

Boiling Point

Morning arrives in the village.

In one particular household, four unusual travelers are in the process of
sharing a meal together. There is nothing unusual in this; it's been the same
thing every day since their journey began. But today, the atmosphere among them
is somehow more subdued than usual.

Something is different. Something has changed. There's
something going on with Sanzo that he's not telling them about, and Goku seems
to be affected as well. Moreover, this is something that isn't just going to go
away without leaving a mark.

Gojyo senses these things almost imperceptibly, like an itch on the edge of
his awareness, as he lounges back in his chair, resisting the urge to put his
feet up on the table. Unfortunately, this is one itch that's still a little too
delicate to attempt to scratch without the risk of causing unnecessary damage.
But that won't stop him from at least trying to alleviate the discomfort
somewhat, and the best way for him to do that, is to be himself.

"So, why is it that we'll be kickin' around this town for awhile? Not
that I'm complaining, or anything."

Goku looks up from his plate to answer, undeterred by a mouth stuffed with
food,

"'Cause Sanzo's gotta meet with the lady for... OW! Sanzo! What the heck
was that for?"

Goku holds his abused head in response to an imaginary pain. Of course the
paper fan can't really damage someone who could smash his fist through solid
rock and not feel a thing. But Goku will never, ever admit that it doesn't hurt,
and, truthfully, in a way it does hurt, only the pain isn't at all
physical.

"That's your punishment for talking with your mouth full, stupid monkey. Now
eat quietly!"

Amused, Gojyo chuckles,

"So, Sanzo's meeting with the ladies, is he? That sounds
interesting!"

This comment strikes a nerve with Goku.

"No, you perverted cockroach! Do you hafta warp everything around to fit
your depraved, puny little antennae-topped mind?"

Goku is practically begging to be teased this morning, and the crimson
one won't pass up the opportunity to comply.

"Who said anything about depravity, monkey? But you do seem to know a lot
about Sanzo's business. Maybe... the both of you are up to something together, eh?
Something I should know about? Hey, Hakkai, what do you think? It sounds to me
like High Priest Genjo Sanzo's got himself a secret rendevous with a mystery
woman, and Goku's tagging along."

Goku pushes his chair back from the table and stands, glaring at Gojyo in
frustrated annoyance.

"Shut up, Gojyo, Sanzo's not interested in girls like that, unlike some
certain perverted water-sprite!"

By now, Gojyo's face is practically splitting in two, he's grinning so hard.
However, much to Gojyo's dismay, Sanzo seems almost not to have heard him,
judging by the lack of response from the normally trigger-happy monk.

"Oh, he's not? Then just what is he interested in, eh, Goku?"

For some reason, Goku feels himself growing very uncomfortable with the way
this argument is headed. He opens his mouth to make a retort, and suddenly
realizes that he isn't even sure why he's so mad, let alone what he wants to
say. Not to mention, the room is starting to feel just a bit too warm for his
liking. Luckily, Hakkai comes to the rescue before Goku can spend too much time
standing there with his mouth hanging open while a tinge of pink slowly creeps
its way into his cheeks.

"Now, now, Gojyo, I'm sure we could all use a bit of a break after traveling
hard for a week through the heat."

Gojyo allows himself one more chuckle at Sanzo's expense.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want to get sunstroke now, would we. That would
just be too much."

Rewarded with a slight twitch from a certain blond eyebrow, Gojyo, momentarily satisfied, stands and dismisses himself from the room.

"Think I'll take a walk, maybe go check out some of these ladies I've been
hearing so much about, eh, Sanzo? That is, as long as you don't mind, I wouldn't
want to be stepping into someone's territory now, would I?"

With these oh so charming last words, and a wink in Sanzo's direction, Gojyo
ambles out the door and proceeds to laugh his way down the street. When the door
shuts behind the half-breed, Goku melts down into his chair in relief, while
Sanzo absorbs himself by mutilating his cigarette in the process of stubbing it
out. Immediately lighting up a fresh one, he addresses Hakkai casually,

"Hakkai. Why don't you and Gojyo take a holiday. If I even so much as get a
glimpse of either of your faces in the next few days, dire emergency excepted,
I'll give you each a new hole in the head. Understood?"

Slightly taken aback, as he still hasn't been able to figure out the cause
behind Sanzo's recent behaviour, Hakkai decides to voice a mild rejection,

"Sanzo, is it wise for us to separate? I can understand if you have reasons
of your own for wanting some time, but... "

"Listen, Hakkai. We haven't had any attacks or sign of pursuit since the last
battle. What's more, Kougaiji himself didn't leave that scene in the best of
shape. So, I say we can afford a short stop here, and some time apart.
We'll stay in pairs, just in case. And if anything does comes up, you know were
to find us. That's my final decision, so live with it."

"Alight, Sanzo. Gojyo and I will try to arrange alternative accommodation,
then."

"Don't try, do it. I won't be needing you for a few days."

If Hakkai were the type for such a display of expression, he would be raising
his eyebrows and blinking in surprise. But Hakkai will be Hakkai, so he just
smiles slightly and finishes off his tea in silence.

XXX

The day passes uneventfully as routine village life goes on relatively
uninterrupted around its honoured guests. Hakkai and Gojyo are offered a place
to stay across town, and the heat wave remains, like plastic wrap stretched
tautly across the land.

Goku is delighted to learn that Sanzo will be continuing to visit the
fortuneteller. So it really is just what Sanzo needs, then. Of course he tries
asking about the results of the reading, but Sanzo flatly refuses to give up any
information whatsoever, and Goku figures it best not to persist with his
questioning. This is important to Sanzo. He has a sense of this, and so despite
being kept out of the loop, Goku is content to leave things as they are.

Besides, the thought of Sanzo and himself falling into the old routine again,
the usual whining, followed by the yelling, the hitting, it just makes him feel...
worn out, somehow. It's always the same, and lately, it just feels
almost... empty, in a weird way, like it has no real meaning, just an act
that keeps repeating over and over again without ever coming to any kind of
conclusion.

Goku can't explain these feelings to himself, and if he tries it just makes
his head hurt, so he pushes them into the back of his mind and tries to pretend
they're not there. It doesn't make them go away, but it makes it a little
easier, at least.

Sanzo and Goku spend the day resting in the room provided for them, each
absorbed in his own thoughts, and the strange calm shared between them feels
almost like a welcome relief.

After having seen the fortuneteler again this morning, Sanzo is grateful that
Goku isn't bothering him too much about it.This process that he has so
reluctantly gotten himself into has quickly become all-consuming. The decision
to continue feels like the most important one he has ever made in his life, and
he is dead-set on seeing it through to the end, no matter what may come of
it.

The dreams he had had last night, after the first session, had been nearly
terrifying in their significance. Fragmented and confused, like a kaleidoscope
of images, it had been very difficult to grasp onto any coherency or clarity at
all. It had been like trying to see through to the bottom in a pool of clear
water, but not quite being able to because the surface is so distorted by
ripples and reflections that no matter how hard you look, you can't really
see what the water hides just beneath the surface. What he seeks seems to
be so close, and yet remains still so obscure.

What he has managed to claim so far, is the feeling, or rather the
certainty, that he had shared a life with Goku in the distant past, and
this knowledge touches upon something deep inside that he has so far denied even
being capable of, until now.

Sympathy. Compassion.

He understands now, the reason for the profound connection between
Goku and himself. He knows why Goku's voice was able to reach him, and why he
felt so compelled to follow.

The memories have shown him in painful form that he and Goku had been
together, all that time ago. Then, for some reason, they had become separated.
He had died, but Goku had not.

Instead, Goku had been sent into exile and isolation, forced to wait for him
to come to him, for a very, very long time.

For five hundred years.

Oh, gods, it hurts. It hurts so much to learn this fact now, that the
pain is emotional, physical and spiritual all at once, and it's almost
unendurable, as if something inside is on the verge of breaking. If it does
break, it's going to break into a million tiny pieces and maybe, maybe
he'll never be able to put it back together again. Maybe he won't even want to,
because everything will be different and the pieces won't fit in the same places
anymore.

He wants to reach out to Goku somehow, to take back those years he spent in
the cave, but he doesn't even know where to begin, and... he is afraid. He
doesn't know if he can ever let Goku know what he now so desperately wants him
to know.

'I never meant to leave you, Goku. I'm sorry.'

So Sanzo sits at the table, chain-smoking and hiding behind a newspaper he
has no intention of reading, while lost in a flood of agony that threatens to
burst his heart apart at the core. He must hold it back, must contain himself
and remain in control in order to find out what other information he can
recover. He can't let this overwhelm him now, or he won't be able to continue,
and he absolutely must continue. Now that he's come this far, the desire
to know everything is too great to resist.

Unaware of the emotional turmoil taking place across the room, Goku is just
sitting lazily on the bed, quietly pretending to practice his writing skills
while in actuality just doodling and wasting ink. He smiles lopsidedly, thinking
how Sanzo always hates it when he wastes ink. Every now and then he looks up at
his silent companion, wanting to say something, but thinks better of it and
stifles the urge. He's about to put down his work, feeling bored, when a sudden
stabbing thought makes him scribble ink all over his paper in a frenzy of
frustration instead,

'Why can't we just talk to each other like normal people? Hakkai and Gojyo
talk. Why won't Sanzo talk to me? Why won't he ever listen
to me?'

He looks at the paper, and realizes with a start that he has filled the
entire page with Sanzo's name, over and over again, and that he has just messed
up all his efforts with his careless scribble. His face forms a pout of
disapproval as he folds the page in half. A strange mixture of longing and
disappointment overtake him then, and he flops backwards onto the bed with a
sigh. In a moment, he gives up trying to keep quiet.

"Sanzo?"

There is a pause, and then a rustle of paper as Sanzo realizes that he's
supposed to be turning pages periodically.

"What?"

"Can I try your cigarette?"

Sanzo wasn't expecting this question, but at least the answer is an easy
one.

"No."

"Come on, just one puff. Please?"

"Why?"

"I just wanna see why you like it so much, what it tastes like."

"Hmph. It's a cigarette, of course it's going to taste like shit to you."

"But I wanna try it myself."

"I said no. If you really want to die of lung cancer so badly, then go get
your own cigarettes."

"But I wanna share yours with you."

Sanzo isn't quite sure how to respond to this, so he keeps his mouth shut,
the pain welling up inside again.

"Sanzo?"

After a moment with no response, Goku sighs again, and finds himself
whispering a strange thought.

"I just wanna see what you taste like."

His eyes go wide, and he quickly checks to see whether Sanzo might have heard
him. The monk remains silent behind his wall of paper.

"Sanzo?"

"What now?"

"Will you read me something from the paper?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Sanzo's next words fall automatically from his mouth, and it
almost hurts to say them, but he can't stop himself.

"It's not worth my effort to read to a stupid monkey like you."

Ouch.

Goku wonders why Sanzo's harsh words to him seem to hurt so much more
recently than they ever used to.

"But... I just wanna listen to your voice."

Goku winces, his mind racing with a panicked thought.

'Crap. That sounded weird, didn't it? Why did I hafta go and say
it out loud? Hell, Goku, while you're at it, why don't you just ask him if you
can kiss him too?'

With a gasp of embarrassment, he promptly stuffs a pillow over his face.

'Oh, man, where did that thought come from? Maybe I've got
heatstroke now too, or something

A moment passes. To Sanzo, this moment feels more like an eternity, as he
contemplates the significance of Goku's simple request. Alone for so long... Goku
was outright denied that which he himself has always rejected. Comfort,
companionship, love.

'I gave him freedom, and in turn he gave me... Is freedom alone enough to
make up for fivehundred years? Can I ever make it up to
him?'

Goku sighs again, but it comes out closer to a sob than anything else.

Ignored. Rejected. Left alone.

The silence in the room is so loud it makes Goku want to scream just to fill
it.

Until...

Another rustle of paper, and then... Sanzo clears his throat... and begins to
read.

Sanzo's beautiful voice fills Goku's ears, and as it does so, it also fills
the deep void that was threatening to eat him alive only a moment ago, and the
golden-eyed demon feels a smile light up his face, and a warmth flood his
chest.

For the first time, Sanzo has listened to him, really listened to him,
and responded in kind.

'Maybe,' thinks Goku, 'Maybe I should say these weird things out
loud more often.'
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My Sun, My Supernova