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The Taming of the Cavern King	By : roryheadmav Category: +G to L > Gankutsuou Views: 3530 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gankutsuou, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
DISCLAIMER: This story is a
non-commercial work of fiction based on the anime/manga Gankutsuou. Original
copyright of Gankutsuou belongs to Mahiro Maeda, Gonzo/Media Factory, GDH.
Absolutely no monetary gain has been made with this work.

THE TAMING OF THE
CAVERN KING

Original
Highlander version � 2003 By Rory V. Pascual (under the name of Remillard);

Gankutsuou
Version � May 13, 2006 By Rory V. Pascual

PART THREE

"We heard you made a fool of
yourself in the market again today," Valentine hovered around her adoptive
brother like a harpy.

Edmond was seated before the
mirror, brushing his hair, trying to ignore the two witches who were rattling
his frayed nerves. Feeling his blood boil, he knew he was failing miserably.

"Why, everyone's saying you
had a wee weepy scene." Eugenie rubbed her knuckles over her eyes, mocking
him. " 'Boo hoo hoo! Stay away from me! I could never love you!' "
With a disgusted snort, she commented, "How pathetic!"

Reaching for his riding crop, the
nobleman struck out blindly through eyes misted with tears. "GO AWAY, YOU
BITCHES! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

In his anger, his whip connected
with Valentine's thigh, causing his youngest sibling to howl in pain. Seeing
his sister crying on the floor, holding the welt on her thigh gingerly, Edmond
found himself dropping the riding crop.

"Valentine, I'm sorry!
I..." he stammered, bending down to her.

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM
HER!" yelled Eugenie, shoving him away.

At that moment, Louis and Haydee
barged into the room, having heard the girl's cries.

�

"What the hell happened
here?" the ship captain demanded. At the sight of the welt on Valentine's
thigh, he pointed to the wound, voice shaking in uncontrollable anger as he
asked, "WHO DID THIS?"

Edmond felt the blood drain from
his face. "Father....I...I didn't mean to..."

"He did it, Father!"
Eugenie pointed to her brother in rage. "Edmond hit Valentine with his
riding crop!"

Before the nobleman could say
something in his defense, Louis struck out, his hard fist connecting with his
son's cheek. Edmond fell to the floor dazed.

"This time, you have gone too
far, Edmond!" Louis said ominously. "To injure your sister like this,
a woman... I cannot believe you are of my blood! To hell with Villefort
and Danglars! I'll go to the King myself so I could rid myself of you. From
this moment on, I disown you! YOU ARE NOT MY SON!"

Saying this, Louis Dantes lifted
his weeping daughter in his arms and stormed outside the room, Eugenie
following after them.

Edmond slowly eased himself up to
a sitting position, curling up close to the wall. Haydee shook her head in
dismay, seeing the dark bruise on his cheek where his father had hit him.

"Oh, Edmond! What have you
done?" Haydee settled down before him, cupping his face in her hands.

"I didn't mean to hurt
Valentine," sobbed Edmond, his tears trickling on his best friend's gentle
hands. "They just wouldn't stop tormenting me!"

"But haven't you been doing
the same thing to them? You cannot blame them if they see you with animosity.
Edmond, what happened to you? You weren't like this when we first met. Now,
you're always so bitter, so angry."

"Do you think I want to be
like this? You don't know how much I hate myself now!"

"Then why not change
back?"

"Because if I go back to the
person I was before," wept the Count, "it will only lead to
pain...and humiliation."

Haydee looked at the older man in
confusion. "Edmond, what are you talking about?"

"Father may have disowned me
now, but if he knew what happened to me months ago, he would've disowned me
even back then. I don't want Eugenie or Valentine to suffer the same things I
went through."

"You're not making any
sense!" She looked at the Count straight in the eye, her heart suddenly
pounding in her breast. "Tell me the truth, Edmond. Did something happen
to you?"

Edmond lowered his gaze.
"It's already too late. I won't cause heartache for you, Father, my
sisters or anyone else. I'll leave the first thing tomorrow morning."

Haydee stared at Edmond in shock.
"No! This is your home! I was so blind not to see that something's
troubling you. I'll speak to your father. Then we'll have a long talk."

"It's better that I go,
rather than be trapped in a marriage I do not desire. Besides..." the
nobleman let out a wry laugh. "...It wouldn't be fair to my spouse if he
or she finds out that..." Shaking his head, Edmond whispered, "No,
it's better this way."

"But Edmond..."

Their conversation was halted by
the sound of out-of-tune musical instruments. This was followed by delighted
laughter from Eugenie and Valentine out in the balcony of their bedroom.

"Franz, my love!"
Eugenie exclaimed.

Valentine, who suddenly seemed to
have made a miraculous recovery, giggled, "Oh, Maximilian! Are you going
to serenade us?"

Edmond hastily wiped the tears
from his eyes and rushed to his balcony. In the garden below, he scowled at the
sight of his sisters' ardent suitors struggling to tune up their lutes.

"What the hell are you two
rascals doing here?" the Count demanded. "Didn't I tell you to stay
away from my sisters?" Glaring at Eugenie and Valentine, he commanded,
"As for you two, get back to your bedchamber!"

"And just who do you think
you are ordering my daughters around like this?" Louis Dantes appeared at
the balcony of the master bedroom. "In case you've forgotten, you're no
longer my son!" Turning to the two young men below, Louis echoed Edmond's
sentiment, "Get off my property! I'm not allowing my daughters to have
suitors yet!"

"Father!" growled
Eugenie, stomping her little feet in a tantrum. "They only want to
serenade Valentine and I."

Maximilian scratched his head
sheepishly and admitted, "Errr...actually...we're not here to serenade
you."

"Then who..."

"Ready, Franz?"
Maximilian asked his youthful companion.

"Ready when you are!"
affirmed Franz.

The two men then assumed most
ridiculous poses -- bodies bent, almost contorted like hunchbacks, legs wide
apart in a near split. As they pounded hard on their lute strings, their heads
bobbed up and down like demented woodpeckers. Little did Maximilian and Franz
realize that their grotesque performance was an extremely popular performance
style among musicians, known as grunge rockers, centuries back.

Strumming the last note of the
intro hard, they leaped into the air. At that same instant, Albert Herrera,
looking dapper in his Scotland Yard uniform, slid from the bushes, sword in
hand, back turned to his audience.

After a lengthy pause, Albert spun
on his heels, eyes raised to Edmond. He lifted the hilt of his sword to his
lips and sang, "Onleee yoo hoooo, can make this wo-orld seeem
riiiight. O-onleeee yoo hoo hoo..."

Edmond felt his hackles rise at
that song. The tune was composed by that lothario Lucien Dupre, with lyrics
provided by the notorious gossip columnist, Robert Beauchamp. True, Albert was
an excellent singer, but the song itself was, in the Count's opinion, so damned
awful. What made it much worse was the way the young detective shamelessly
wiggled his hips, in the style of that well-loved monarch, known as the King of
Memphis. Thank goodness Baptistin was sleeping after gorging himself on an
apple. The worm would have puked out all he had eaten.

"Are they serenading you, Edmond?"
he heard his incredulous friend ask behind him.

As one, Eugenie, Valentine and
Louis turned to Edmond, saying aghast, "They're serenading HIM?"

A broad grin slowly formed on the
captain's face. "Hallo, young man!" he called out to Albert.
"You can stop singing now! Why don't you come in to my humble home?"

"Father!" Valentine
argued. "It's impolite to interrupt a serenade." The young woman
burst into laughter. "Especially a serenade as hilarious as that!"

Louis glowered at his daughter.
"Do you want your brother married or not?"

Eugenie and Valentine looked at
each other for a moment. Nodding to their father, the trio ran back inside
their respective rooms, screaming for the servants.

Seeing his father and his sisters
depart, a determined grimace formed on the Count's lips. "Oh no you
don't!"

Hurrying inside his room, Haydee
called out after him, "Edmond, what is it? What's wrong?" Her eyes
widened when the nobleman emerged, carrying his crossbow and a quiver of
arrows. "What are you going to do?"

The Nobleman nocked an arrow into
the bow. "Haydee, please tell father that he doesn't have to go through
all this trouble. Like I told you, I'll leave the first thing in the morning.
If he still insists on my getting married, I'll do it. Hell, I'd be happy to
wed Ali's prized mule. But..." Edmond pointed to the detective howling up
at him. "I WILL NOT MARRY THAT BRAYING JACKASS!"

Before Haydee could stop him, the
nobleman fired an arrow at the demented singer below. Seeing the projectile
coming, Albert made a smooth slide step to the right. Maximilian' eyes were as
large as saucers, seeing the arrow sticking out of the fretboard of his lute.

"Damn it! I missed!" cursed
Edmond, nocking another arrow into his crossbow.

The second arrow zipped above
Albert's head. However, its point tore off Franz's cap.

Haydee gaped in growing outrage as
her only son fired arrows at the serenaders below. Strangely enough, Albert deftly
avoided the deadly barrage, slippin' and slidin', sashaying his hips like
Baptistin the worm. Maximilian and Franz, on the other hand, after having their
lute strings slashed by arrows, had taken to singing the background vocals in
the protective cover of the bushes. Noticing his beleaguered backup singers,
Albert began a most impressive display of dexterity, twirling his sword like a
baton, swinging it this way and that, effectively cutting off the heads of the
arrows. Amazingly, the detective's motions were even in time with his tune.

Soon, the nobleman's quiver was
empty. Still, wanting to make sure, Edmond turned it upside down and shook it
furiously. What fell out, however, was a large hairy spider that scurried under
his trousers and up his leg. Edmond shrieked in disgust, jumping up and down,
as he desperately tried to dislodge the offensive insect. Out of desperation,
he yanked his trousers down, back turned to the serenaders, at last finding the
spider clinging to his left buttock.

To Edmond's chagrin, Albert chose
that moment to start a different tune -- music by Lucien, lyrics by the
detective himself -- about the merits of plump melons and the lusciousness of
thick, juicy sausages.

�

Pulling his trousers up, the
flustered Count shook his fist, spider still held, and shouted, "It'll
be a cold day in hell before you touch my melons again!" With an
exaggerated wind up, Edmond pitched the spider at the singers below. Again,
Albert ducked. The poor arachnid landed inside Franz's mouth.

Seeing his youngest sister's beau
coughing out the insect, Edmond groaned. "Damn! Why do I always
miss?"

Haydee shivered in disgust.
"Looks like a good shot to me." As her friend rushed back inside his
room, she warned, "Edmond, that is enough!"

The Count ran out, carrying a
potted plant. Yelling at the singer, Edmond vowed, "The battle had only
just begun, Herrera!", and hurled the plant into the air. It landed with a
crash at the detective's feet.

"This can't be happening to
me!" With a fierce growl, Edmond hurried back inside his chamber to find
more things to throw.

The nobleman hurled anything and
everything from his balcony -- more potted plants, pillows, quilts, chairs, a
desk. He would have pushed his four-post bed off the balcony, but it was too big
to fit through the doorway. The Count made a huge mistake of throwing his
dresser down. To his shock, he saw Albert pick up his white underpants from the
open drawer. The detective pressed them to his face and took a big whiff, the
heavenly smile of an opium addict quirking up his lips.

"You perverted bastard!"
roared Edmond, leaning over the balcony that he nearly fell off. "STOP
SNIFFING MY KNICKERS!"

"Why don't you just give
up?" Haydee suggested, seeing him hurry out of his bedroom. "Edmond,
he looks like a very nice young man to me."

Suddenly, the air was filled with
a most revolting stench. At that moment, Edmond entered, carrying what looked
like a covered brass bowl. A clothespin was clipped to the bridge of his nose.

Clamping her hands over her nose
and mouth, Haydee exclaimed, "What are you doing with your father's
chamber pot?"

Ignoring the princess, Edmond
peered down at the serenaders, an evil smirk on his face. "Hey, Herrera!
SMELL THIS!"

With a grunt, the Count threw the
stinking chamber pot. As the pot began to tilt, for a moment, Edmond thought it
would find its mark. Twirling on his toe, however, the detective shimmied out
of the way. The contents of the chamber pot were dumped on the heads of poor
Maximilian and Franz.

"ARRGGGHHHH!" cried
Edmond in frustration, gnashing his teeth, tearing his hair out. "WHY
WON'T YOU JUST STAND STILL?"

"I give up!" Shaking her
head, Haydee waved her hands in surrender and left her best friend to his
frantic, yet futile, attempts to rid himself of his ardent admirer.

By then, Albert and his smelly,
yapping chihuahuas had gone through the entire repertoire of that innovative,
but infamous, composing team of Dupre and Beauchamp.

"What's wrong, Herrera?"
Edmond jeered at them. "Cat finally got your tongue? Why don't you do the
banshees a favor and shut up!"

Undaunted, the detective turned to
his stinking companions, his nose quirking at the stench. "ONE MORE TIME,
BOYS!"

Edmond's eyes were as round as
dinner plates at that pronouncement. "WHAT?!?"

Tapping his feet, Albert counted,
"A-one and a-two and a-three and a..." Spinning on his heels, he
launched again into "Ho-on-lee yoo hooo..."

Edmond clamped his hands over his
ears and screamed. With massacre on his mind, the nobleman stormed out into the
hallway. His eyes at once fell upon one of the suits of armor, in its grasp the
huge battleaxe of Haydee's late father, the Sultan of Janina. Without thinking
twice, he pried the formidable weapon loose from the armor's grip and made his
way to the mansion's front doors.

Reaching the stairs, the Count
heard furious banging and his sisters' hysterical cries to "Step on it,
men! Hurry!" Edmond's eyes narrowed at the sight of his father,
practically hanging outside the window, calling eagerly, "Come in, young
man! Please do come in!"

"It would be a great
pleasure, my Lord," the nobleman heard the disagreeable detective reply
with great cheer outside.

Then, Louis gestured emphatically,
"NOT YOU TWO! My daughters will not receive suitors. And would the both of
you please take a bath? You stink just as bad as my chamber pot!"

Gripping his axe tightly, Edmond
ran down the stairs, roaring, "I'LL KILL THE FIRST MAN WHO LETS THAT FOOL
IN!"

Panic ensued as masters and
servants alike desperately tried to evade the Count's flailing axe. Edmond even
managed to tear Eugenie's gown on the blade's downswing. Fearing for his daughter's
life, Louis met his son's fury, grabbing the axe's handle.

"Stop it, Edmond!"
hissed Louis in his son's face. "Stop this mayhem right now!"

A tear fell from the young Dantes'
eye. "Father, you don't have to do this! I'll leave tonight, if you really
hate me that much. But please don't make me marry Albert Herrera! I'll marry
anyone but him! Please, Father! I BEG YOU!"

"After the terrible things
you've done," asked Louis aghast, "you would dare to beg? Nay,
Edmond! It's out of my hands! Once Herrera enters this doorway, you will be
his!"

"NO!" Edmond screamed in
fury. "NEVER!"

Out of desperation, the Count
tried to grab his axe back. Louis, however, held on to it, refusing to let it
go. Using Edmond's strength to his disadvantage, the ship captain suddenly
released the axe. The blade plowed into a plank. The nobleman jerked on the
handle, but it wouldn't give. He tugged and pulled, not noticing that the
servants had already loosened considerably the nails that were holding the
boards in place. With an outraged bellow, Edmond yanked on the axe. At once,
the barricade gave way. The Count stared in horror as the boards began to
topple down on him and his father. Before the planks could fall on them, Edmond
shoved his father out of the way. He cried out in pain, feeling a nail pierce
his ankle, as the boards fell to the floor with a deafening crash.

When the dust finally cleared,
Edmond's jaw dropped at the sight of Albert Herrera standing at the doorway.

"Is everyone all right?"
the detective asked, the concern written on his handsome face. Seeing the
nobleman's bleeding ankle, he gasped, "Oh my God! Edmond, you're
hurt!"

"NO! DON'T COME IN!"
cried Edmond. But it was too late.

To the Count, everything around
him seemed to move in slow motion, especially Albert. He watched helplessly as
the detective raised his foot and made that crucial step, his toe crossing the
threshold by a mere inch. In seconds, the man was at his side, prying the nail
out and pressing a handkerchief over the open wound of his ankle.

In his shock, Edmond barely heard
Louis ask, "Am I to assume that you're here for my son?"

It seemed like an eternity passed
as Edmond and Albert stared at each other. With his exquisite eyes, the
nobleman hoped that the older man would read what was inside his heart, that he
did not want to marry him.

However, the detective nodded in
affirmation, clasping the Count's hand tenderly, "Yes, Monsieur. I'm here
to ask for your son's hand in marriage."

Edmond felt his heart stop when
his father replied, "Very well! He's yours! And good riddance!"

�

The nobleman snatched his hand
back from Albert's grasp. '"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Edmond..." Albert began
hesitantly.

Though his ankle throbbed, the
Count quickly got to his feet. "You'll never own me, Albert Herrera! On my
life, I swear I'll never love you!"

Albert's heart sank as he watched
the defeated older man limp up the staircase, heading straight for his
bedchamber.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Father Peppino," a
relieved Father Luigi Vampa exclaimed while he poured tea into their cups,
"you don't know how happy I am that you have finally returned to our humble
parish."

Father Peppino's hands shook with
a visible tremor as he picked up his teacup, the delicate porcelain clattering
noisily on its saucer. "Dr. Andrea Cavalcanti said I have made remarkable
progress. He didn't want me to leave yet until I have fully recovered. But
there's a murderer on the loose in the asylum, a man named Benedetto. He killed
a pretty nurse. Thank heavens I never encountered the killer. However, I did
see a ghost roaming the halls of the asylum � a demon with four eyes and glowing
pink marks on its brow." At the memory, Father Peppino took a nervous sip
of his tea and shuddered. "Dr. Cavalcanti said it was just a figment of my
imagination, but I saw it. I swear I did."

Father Luigi patted his shoulder
reassuringly, realizing that the poor priest was still being haunted by the
Cavern King. "I have no doubt you did."

"This tea is delicious,
Father Luigi."

"Why, thank you! I'm glad you
liked it. It's my own special concoction. I made it from a mold form that I
harvested from the catacombs."

At the last, Peppino coughed and
sputtered in his drink. Luigi hastened to pat his back.

"Shall we go for a walk,
Father Peppino?" the parish priest invited. As Peppino got to his feet,
Luigi continued, "Oh you should see the church! We finally had the stained
glass windows fixed. The pews have been painted and the women of the village
have given us lovely embroidered linen for the altar, to replace those that
have been destroyed."

"That's nice!" nodded
Father Peppino as Father Luigi pushed him towards the church.

"But that's not the best
part," Luigi went on, opening the door to the church. "All these
improvements came just in time for a very special wedding. In fact, I will be
posting the banns today."

Father Peppino took a step inside
the chapel. "Why? Who's getting married?"

"Peppino, none other than
your WORST foe..."

Before Father Luigi could finish
what he was going to say, there was a blood-curdling scream. Running inside the
church, he saw Father Peppino lying on the floor, a terrified expression on his
face.

"I didn't do anything,"
a defensive baritone voice declared from the pews. "I was just setting
here minding my own business when that fool priest screamed and fainted."

Luigi grimaced, knowing that
Father Peppino will have to be sent back to the asylum. "What are you
doing here, Edmond Dantes?"

Edmond stood up and went towards
the priest. Luigi saw that the young man was dressed in traveling clothes, a
bag in his hands. Peeking out of the pocket of his coat was his ever-trusty
worm Baptistin.

"There is no need for you to
announce the banns, Father Luigi," the Count stated. "There won't be
any wedding."

"Running away from your
obligations? I've heard you've been avoiding your betrothed for the past five
days."

Edmond breathed in deeply.
"Father, I know you and just about everyone else in the city hate me.
Before that travesty of a marriage proposal took place six nights ago, I've
already made the decision to leave Paris. But then, it happened and..."
The nobleman looked at the priest in desperation. "I can't marry Albert
Herrera, Father Luigi!"

"Can you give me a very good
reason why not? Despite your despicable behavior, anyone can see that the man
is smitten with you, enough to turn a blind eye to your countless faults."

"FATHER, I CANNOT LOVE
HIM!"

The Count sagged into his seat,
buried his face in his hands, and burst into tears.

Luigi's eyes narrowed at that
unexpected outburst. Sitting down beside the distraught nobleman, the priest
laid a cautious hand on Edmond's shoulder. "Edmond, my son, what is
troubling you? Are you saying you have actually fallen in love with Albert
Herrera?"

Instead of replying, the Nobleman
flung his arms around Luigi, sobbing pitifully, "He deserves someone
better, Father Luigi. Not someone like me!"

"But, son, if you love him so
much, you could change. You have a lifetime ahead of you. You can learn from
your mistakes and change for the better. Why, centuries back, I was a ruthless
brigand � a killer of men, women and children. But look at me now. Here I am �
a priest who heals souls and brings back hope to wounded hearts. Nothing is
impossible."

"But, Father," Edmond
whispered hesitantly, "can you bring back that which I had lost? Can I
become innocent again?"

Luigi was startled by that last
query. Something terrible happened to this child! How could I have been so
blind not to see it? Edmond was once a loving, obedient son, before he changed
into a hellion. At first, I attributed it to his assimilation with the demon,
like a rebirth into evil. But it's something else entirely!

Willing the nobleman to look at
him, Luigi asked gently, "I want you to tell me the truth, Edmond. You may
consider this a confession, if you wish. It will just be between you and me. It
shall not leave the four walls of this chapel."

"Father, I can't tell
you!" cried Edmond. "I just can't!

Luigi, however, persisted, "Did
something happen to you, child?"

"Please don't ask me
this!"

"Do you want this...this
secret...to ruin your life forever? Do not deprive yourself of the opportunity
to find true love and happiness because of it. I want you to trust me with the
truth. Edmond, my son, was it because your beloved Mercedes married someone
else?"

Edmond shook his head. "No, I
had to drive her away, to make her loathe me, so she couldn't find out
that...that I'm not deserving of her love anymore."

"Tell me, child," said
the priest, gazing at him firmly, "you said you lost your innocence. Did
someone..."

The nobleman cast his eyes down to
stare at his toes and slowly nodded.

"Was it...was it another
man?"

Another nod.

"Was he an ardent suitor you
haven't told your father about? Did you go to him willingly?"

Edmond's head snapped up.
"No! Of course not! He made me...he made me...Father Luigi, I can't get
rid of the filth I feel on my skin! I could still feel the things he did to me
and..."

Oh my God! Father Luigi
nearly gasped out. The priest pressed a quieting hand to the Count's lips.
"Hush now! I don't have to know the details. I can see for myself what
this monster did to you. Do I know him?"

"Yes."

"May I know his name?"

"His name is..."

Suddenly, the doors of the church
banged open. As the two men turned to stare at the intruder, they saw a tall,
slender young man silhouetted in the harsh glare of sunlight. He was dressed
all in black, his velvet cape fluttering in the breeze.

Edmond's eyes widened in shock.
"MORCERF! No, it can't be you! You're dead!" In sheer terror, the
Nobleman swiftly hid behind Luigi' back.

"HONEYBUN!" the man
declared, walking towards them in languid strides. "How dare you deprive
me of your lovely presence for five days?"

That voice was very familiar. The
unkempt hair, stubble on his face, his slender frame and his dirty clothes
reeking of the stench of sour beer and whiskey, those sharp, piercing blue eyes
that once held laughter and mischief in them -- it took the Count a long moment
before he recognized the strange man before them.

"HERRERA?" he stammered
in disbelief. "Is that you?"

Albert made a mocking bow.
"One and the same."

"Good God, Albert!"
Luigi exclaimed, just as stunned, as he eyed the once pristine detective from
head to toe. "What in heaven's name happened to you?"

Pointing to the nobleman
accusingly, the detective spat out, "HE'S what happened to me! For five
straight, MISERABLE days, I didn't see my betrothed! Do you know what that
could do to a love struck fool like me?"

The priest grimaced in disgust.
"I think we get the picture."

Edmond stepped forward. "It's
a good thing you're here. Albert, we have to talk. About the wedding..."

Hearing that word 'wedding,' a
bright hopeful smile formed on the younger man's face. It nearly broke Edmond's
heart to see that smile, knowing that he would cause the detective great pain.
"Oh, yes! The wedding? Is that why you're here? You can't wait for us to
be wed! You were going to send for me, I'm sure. So that it will be just a
private little ceremony."

The nobleman hardened his heart.
"Are you out of your mind? That's the last thing I want to do!"

A frown creased Albert's brow as
he glared at the Count. "What are you talking about?"

"There's isn't going to be a
wedding, Herrera. I can't marry you."

"Why?" the detective
demanded in anger. "Are you saying I'm not good enough for you?"

"Albert," Luigi
interrupted, "Edmond has a very good reason if you'll just hear him
out."

"STAY OUT OF THIS!"
Before the priest could say more, Albert decked him, knocking Luigi out.

"Father Luigi!" Edmond
was about to hasten to the priest's aid, but a strong hand grabbed his wrist,
yanking him towards the altar where Father Peppino was just slowly regaining
his senses. "HERRERA, LET ME GO!"

"NEVER!" snarled Albert
back at him. "I will not leave this church until you're my wife!"

A still dazed Father Peppino
suddenly found himself hauled to his feet. The mere sight of the captain's son
was nearly enough to drive him into a swoon once more. Albert, however, snapped
him back to his senses with stinging slaps to his pudgy cheeks.

"I want you to marry us,
Father," the Detective announced in grim determination.

�

Shaking his head, Edmond struggled
to free himself from Albert's grip. "No, Father Peppino! Please don't do
it! I don't want to marry him!"

"Peppino," Albert began
suggestively, staring the nervous priest straight in the eye, "do you want
to get rid of him or not?"

At that question, Father Peppino
straightened up. Clearing his throat, he asked, "Where are your
rings?"

"NO!" shouted the nobleman
as a gold wedding band was placed on his finger. Albert forced the younger man
to slip the second ring on his own finger.

Solemnly, Father Peppino intoned,
"Do you, Edmond Dantes, take Albert Herrera to be your lawfully wedded
husband?"

The detective's lips upon his own
mouth smothered the Count's negative reply. Albert held him in a tight embrace
that he could not move an inch.

"I'll take that as a yes. Do
you, Albert Herrera, take Edmond Dantes to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Somehow, Edmond managed to break
free from that heated kiss. "FATHER, PLEASE STOP THIS!"

"I do!" was Albert's
firm reply and he kissed the younger man again.

To Edmond's horror, Father Peppino
raised his hand and blessed them, "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce
you man and wife. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy
Ghost. Amen."

Smacking his mouth on the younger
man's lips, Albert released the stunned Count. Before Edmond could catch his
breath and realize what had just happened, the detective flung his unwilling
bride over his shoulders.

Taking Edmond's bag, Albert waved
as he strode out of the church. "I'm taking him off your hands, Father
Peppino! Farewell!"

"GOD DAMN IT, HERRERA, PUT ME
DOWN!" In his fury, the struggling nobleman barely heard the pealing of
the church bells.

The minute they stepped out of the
church, hearty cheers and flying flower petals greeted them. As Albert
unceremoniously plopped him on his motorcycle, Edmond was deeply dismayed to
see that everyone had gathered to watch his departure. Everywhere his anguished
eyes turned, he beheld overjoyed faces, one of them his own father. Some even
jeered him, like his sisters. The only exception was Haydee, who was weeping
bitterly for her best friend.

In his despair, Edmond did not
notice the tear that trickled from his right eye. Neither did he feel Albert
get on the bike in front of him, until the younger man donned his helmet.

"Do they hate me that
much?" Edmond found himself whispering, shaking his head.

"You said it, not I,"
the detective answered curtly. "I'm probably the only person stupid enough
to put up with your deplorable demeanor."

"Albert, there is still time
for you to change your mind about this. You're making a big mistake by marrying
me. Why don't you just drop me off at the outskirts of the village and I'll go
on my way. You don't have to put up with my...despicable behavior...any
longer."

"Now that you're mine, after
all the aggravation and the misery you put me through, do you think I'm a fool
to simply let you go? No, Edmond. You are mine for all eternity. Live with
it!"

The Count's lips were set in a
firm line, his jaw hardening. "You'll regret this, Herrera! I swear I'll
make your life hell!"

The detective, however, countered,
"After all that pain and humiliation, do you think I'll endure more of
that kind of treatment from you? It is you who shall regret the day you toyed
with the heart of Albert Herrera. Now you'll know what true hell is really
like!"

At these words, Albert kickstarted
the motorcycle to life, that Edmond had to cling to his waist. The angry
detective roared off, taking the Cavern King to his new home.

~~~~~~~~~~
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The Taming of the Cavern King

THE TAMING OF THECAVERN KING

PART THREE

THE TAMING OF THE
CAVERN KING