Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Grasping At Sunlight	By : shirahime Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3264 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
Title: Grasping At Sunlight, Part Three

Author: Shirahime

Pairing: Seiten Taisei/Sanzo, Goku/Sanzo
Rating: NC-17 overall

Warnings: dubious consent, violence

Summary: A story wherein Goku struggles with his feelings, and he and his keeper deal with the aftermath. No spoilers.

Part Three

After finishing off what was left of the demons attacking the town, the trio headed out in the jeep in the direction that Goku had run off to. He�d gotten quite a head start, and he was fast, so there was no sight of him as they continued on over the dusty road through the forest.

Gojyo sat in the middle of the back seat, feeling strange because the monkey wasn�t there taking up the other half. He gazed at the sight of the trees they passed by on their way before turning to address the monk sitting in the front seat. �So are you going to tell us what made Goku run off or what?� Gojyo asked.

There was a moment of silence before the monk said, �It�s none of your concern. Just shut up about it.�

Gojyo was insistent despite Hakkai trying to catch his eye in the rearview mirror. �Not my concern? Of course it is! We�re out here running around in some forest probably because you said or did something to finally set him off. Or does this have something to do with what happened back at that palace-�

�I told you to shut the hell up,� Sanzo said, his voice low and dangerous. �I don�t have to tell you a damned thing.�

Hakkai gazed at him out of the corner of his eye. He didn�t like how things seemed to be pointing to the validity of his previous thoughts about the situation.

Sanzo noticed Hakkai�s scrutiny. �You should keep your eyes on the road, Hakkai.�

�Of course, Sanzo,� he replied. His fa�ade cracked, concern and dismay replacing it. Hakkai had truly wanted to believe that there were things that their seemingly innocent companion wasn�t capable of, no matter what form he took.

There were a few more moments of silence, with Gojyo frowning at the pair in the front seat, and Hakkai staring at the road, eyebrows knitted together as he was distracted by his thoughts, before Sanzo broke it.

�He didn�t do anything wrong,� the monk said quietly, suddenly feeling like he needed to say it.

Hakkai glanced at him. �I didn�t say that he did, Sanzo.�

Sanzo turned away to gaze at the woodland scenery, frowning. �Well, I don�t need you making faces like that at me or at him.�

�Of course,� Hakkai said simply.

Sanzo�s frown deepened as he continued. �When Goku�s in that form� it twists everything in that head of his. Friends become enemies, and the people he cares about become� he just doesn�t think the way that he usually does�� He trailed off before adding, �I hope he�s not about to do anything stupid,� remembering how lost and pained Goku had looked.

Gojyo sat forward slowly in his seat, his eyes widening as what Sanzo was trying to say finally dawned on him. �Are you saying that Goku�?� It was almost too unbelievable to the half-demon. �Hey,� he continued, placing a hand on the monk�s shoulder to try to get his attention. �Did he-?�

�I told you, he didn�t do anything wrong,� Sanzo repeated. Then suddenly, he turned in his seat to fix the redhead with angry eyes. �And if you start harassing him about it when we find him, I swear I�ll put a bullet in that head of yours. Don�t doubt it.�

Surprised red eyes stared into violet before the monk turned back around to stare at the road ahead. Gojyo sat back in his seat noisily, shaking his head. �I�ve seen my share of messed-up relationships, but you and Goku take the cake.�

Hakkai shot Gojyo a look over his shoulder, but Sanzo made no reply.

______________________________________________

In the midst of the area of woodland, there was a large lake that was feed by a stream that emptied into it only to flow out of the other side lazily. Sitting on a large flat rock a few feet away, Goku gazed at the scene ahead of him. Despite the beauty of the view, he could find no joy in it. He tossed small rocks across its surface absently that skittered before disappearing with a splash. He frowned, his thoughts troubled.

The brief flashes of memory that Goku was able to recall intermittently assaulted him. Everything that he had intended to do had turned out wrong. He�d thought that it would be alright if he removed his limiter for a few moments, only thinking about needing to protect what mattered to him most. But he hadn�t considered any other consequences. Tears welled up in his eyes suddenly as he sobbed. Goku hated how the lack of a limiter made him lose himself, that he was driven by such base desires in that form. Sanzo was everything in the waking world to Goku. He�d always stayed by his side, accepting what little affection the monk had to give, hoping that more lay within the monk�s heart for him, but that the man just couldn�t find the words. The monster that he truly was just took what it wanted and needed. He was capable of hurting so many, even those close to him without so much as a care. Sanzo had dared to have something as dangerous as him by his side, and look what it had brought him.

Goku knew that he had no hope of ever attaining the things that he dreamed about, no hope of ever being held in strong arms that encircled him, lips against his. No hope of watching pleasure blossom on Sanzo�s face from his exploring touch. He didn�t even deserve to think about such things anymore. He was so lost in thought, that he hadn�t heard the approach of those behind him who wanted to intrude on his solitude, or sensed their demonic aura, until they announced their presence.

�So what do we have here?� Goku heard someone ask from behind him. He turned to see a trio of demons approaching from a nearby cluster of trees. �It�s been a while since we�ve had travelers invading our territory.�

Goku didn�t answer, frowning. The second demon, noting his tear-stained cheeks mocked, �Aw! What�s wrong, little boy? Are you lost? Crying because you can�t find your mommy?�

Goku turned back around. �I�m not in the mood for any of you,� he said.

�Did you hear that?� the first demon said to his friends. �He�s not in the mood for us. How rude!�

�Yeah,� his companion said, stepping closer. �Maybe he needs to be taught a few manners.� He laughed as he shoved Goku off of the rock he�d been sitting on.

Goku tumbled to the ground, looking up at the group of demons. He was so tired of fighting sometimes. How many demons like these had Goku killed, thinking of the horrible things that they were able to do to strangers, when he�d done such a thing to a friend, to his everything?

�Hey, aren�t you even going to try to fight us?� the third demon asked Goku when he made no moves to attack, kicking him in the stomach and making him double over. �This guy is so boring, and I wanted to have some fun today.�

�No point in keeping him around, then,� the first demon decided, drawing his sword and swinging it high.

Goku made no moves to defend himself as he watched the blade raised by the demon. Perhaps it would be alright if he allowed this. Perhaps, something such as him shouldn�t even exist in the world.

A shot rang out, and suddenly the demon was screaming, his disintegrating form carried away on the gentle breeze. The other demons soon met the same fate as Goku turned to see Sanzo approaching from the nearby cluster of trees. Goku stood, both fearful and expectant. But Sanzo�s expression didn�t look any different than it usually did, a scowl on his face as he drew nearer.

�Sanzo�� he started, gazing up at the monk who now stood before him, the words that he wanted to say dying on his lips.

Without warning, Sanzo lashed out suddenly with his fan, nearly knocking Goku over with the force of it. �Now I know you�re a fool!� he shouted at Goku who rubbed his aching head. �What were you just sitting there for?�

Goku didn�t meet his eyes. �I thought that maybe� I�m dangerous! I do things sometimes that are so horrible, things that I shouldn�t even be able to do, but that I can�t stop. Maybe it would be better if I just wasn�t around anymore-�

�Don�t say something so stupid!� Sanzo interrupted angrily. �I don�t even understand what goes on in that head of yours sometimes!� Then suddenly, anger morphed into something that made violet eyes swim with emotion and the monk�s lower lip tremble slightly. �What are you trying to do to me?� he accused suddenly. �Never even think something like that.�

�I�m sorry,� Goku said, anxious at the sight of the monk�s distress, moving to reach out with his hands but then dropping them to his sides. �I��

�Forget it,� Sanzo snapped, frowning as he turned away from him to head back through the trees. He paused when he realized that Goku hadn�t followed. �Don�t just stand there,� he told him without turning around. �I�ve chased after you enough for one day, now come on.�

Goku moved quickly to obey, his eyes downcast. The two of them made it back to the jeep and were soon joined by their comrades, who had split off from Sanzo to search for Goku in the other direction. Their subsequent ride onward was made in deafening silence. Goku glanced at Gojyo, who apparently found the passing scenery of incredible interest. He saw green eyes on him in the rearview mirror before they quickly darted away. Goku�s shoulder�s drooped as he stared down into his lap at his clenched fists. Why had Sanzo even come to bring him back? Nothing could ever be the same again.

Gojyo watched Goku brood out of the corner of his eye for a few moments before his foot lashed out to kick Goku in the leg.

�Hey!� Goku exclaimed, turning to Gojyo. �What was that about?�

�You�re hogging all of the leg room back here,� Gojyo told him with a put upon expression.

�How can I be taking up all the leg room when I�m shorter than you?� Goku asked incredulously.

�That�s what I�d like to know,� Gojyo told him, thumping him on the side of his head.

At Goku�s shout of �Quit it!� the pair started to tussle for a few moments in the back seat before Sanzo turned around to cuff them both, screaming at the top of his lungs for silence. Hakkai sighed as he kept his eyes on the road ahead of the jeep, wondering at how quickly things seemed to slip back into the status quo.

______________________________________________

Evening saw the group finding lodgings in a neighboring town, Sanzo and Hakkai in one room, Gojyo and Goku in a room down the hall. After dinner, Gojyo broke off from the others, announcing that there was a bar in town that he wanted to visit. The other three retired to their rooms. Sanzo sat on his bed for a few moments, lost in thought before telling Hakkai that he was going out for a smoke. He initially had intended to go outside into the cool evening air, but somehow his steps had drawn him to stand outside of the door to Goku�s room. After a few moments of hesitation, Sanzo knocked before being told that the door was open and stepped inside.

Goku looked up from where he lay on the bed. Surprised, he moved to sit up, watching Sanzo as he lingered by the door. He had assumed that it was Gojyo who had changed his mind and decided to retire early.

�Sanzo,� Goku started, but then wasn�t sure what else to say. Dinner had been relatively quiet between the four of them, with the others acting as though there was nothing out of the ordinary, but he was still able to feel the strain between all of them, the strain that he was responsible for.

Sanzo hovered near the door, his hand on the knob behind him, as if at any time he might turn to make an exit. He had thought about retreating, but knew that he had to deal with what was before him. He�d run from it long enough. The monk noted Goku�s worried gaze that was tinged with hope. He sighed. He�d had some inkling about Goku�s maturing feelings toward him for some time. He�d initially ignored them, worried that his perception was being colored by his own feelings and desires. Maybe they both could have avoided all of this trouble if he�d faced his fears earlier, the fear of grasping at something precious and losing it. Sanzo locked the door behind him. It was too late to run away now, not after everything that had occurred between them.

The monk noticed how Goku dropped his gaze as he approached. �You�re still going to sulk?� Sanzo asked. �I thought you did enough of that at dinner.�

�I�m not sulking,� Goku insisted without looking up. �I just� it�s so weird now after� what I did. And you keep acting the same as before, as if nothing is wrong, but everything is.�

Sanzo stood before his seated form. �How should I act, then?� he asked.

�I don�t know!� Goku said, suddenly distressed. �You should be angry after what happened. You shouldn�t want me around. You keep acting like it�s still okay for me to be here, even though I hurt you�� Goku said painfully, turning his face away.

Sanzo moved to sit behind Goku on the bed. Golden eyes widened, a gasp escaping his lips, as he felt the monk�s arms wind around him, pulling him back against his chest. Leaning over his shoulder, Sanzo rested his cheek on the side of Goku�s face.

�Would I hold you like this if you had?� he asked quietly. �And you say that as if you ever could hurt me. You�d never even dare.�

Goku melted into the embrace, wanting to feel comforted by it, but his thoughts were still troubled. After a few moments, Goku twisted within the circle of the monk�s arms to peer up at him, golden eyes shimmering. �But� it�s not as though you wouldn�t lie about it. You would if it was to protect me��

Sanzo fixed him with intense violet eyes. �I�ve never lied to you before, have I? But then, I�ve never told you� not even after all this time. I�m not good with words like these��

�Wha-� Goku managed to utter before his lips were claimed in a passionate kiss. He gasped, and Sanzo deepened the kiss, exploring. Soon, two pink tongues were sliding over each other in the cavern of his mouth, Goku moaning softly as Sanzo hummed. He fisted the monk�s robes as he felt a hand combing through his hair, pulling gently at unruly locks.

Sanzo broke the kiss to nuzzle the side of Goku�s face. �Goku,� he started to say, �You must know that I really do�� he trailed off. Sanzo was afraid to say the words, almost as though to do so would make him lose what he desperately wanted to hold on to. The things he cared about always seemed to slip through his fingers like sand blowing away in the wind.

Goku beamed. �I know,� he answered, his throat tightening from emotion, �You don�t even have to say so.�

Sanzo leaned back down to recapture his lips, his hands sliding over Goku�s clothed form. He soon felt Goku place tentative hands on the sash to his robes, resting there a few moments before daring to untie the dark fabric. Sanzo pulled back to slip the garment off of his shoulders, watching the way Goku�s eyes glittered. Sanzo could sense Goku�s nervous hesitation, so he reached out to grasp his hands and place them onto his chest.

�It�s alright if you touch me,� he told Goku. �I want you to.�

Goku began slowly stroking Sanzo�s chest through smooth black fabric. His hands slowly made it down the monk�s belly, with him sighing softly in response. Growing bolder, Goku began to pull up the form-fitting top to expose the creamy skin beneath. He leaned in, planting scattered kisses as Sanzo�s arms circled to embrace him. Goku could hardly believe what was happening. Perhaps, this was all just a vivid dream that he�d be woken from soon. But the feel of Sanzo�s skin under his hands seemed so real, the arms around him stroking him gently seemed so solid, that it couldn�t be.

It wasn�t long before Goku�s caressing hands made their way to the waistband of Sanzo�s jeans, fingering the top button. �Hold on,� Sanzo told him. Goku startled, worrying that he�d done something wrong until Sanzo added, �You still have too many clothes on.�

Soon the monk was peeling the garments from his body. Goku tried to assist in this, but the blonde pushed his hands away. He caressed Goku�s form as his skin was exposed, leaning in to place lapping kisses on his neck and chest. He pushed him down onto the bed, sliding his pants and underwear over his hips and down toned thighs. Golden eyes watched the monk in anticipation, then closed suddenly as he gasped at the sensation of fingers encircling his length, stroking rhythmically. After a few moments of shifting restlessly on the bed, Goku opened his eyes just in time to see the monk considering the erection that he was slowly pumping in his fist before leaning down to lap at the crown of it. Goku cried out, unable to control his voice.

Sanzo lifted up at the sound. �I should have known that you�d be so noisy,� he remarked before sinking back down to place kisses along Goku�s erection. He tentatively wrapped lips around the crown of it before drawing more of it into his mouth as he suckled. Though the monk had never performed this particular act for anyone, he knew the basic mechanics of it, and was apparently doing a decent job if the way that Goku was groaning into his fist was any indication.

�Sanzo,� Goku groaned, �can I�?� he tried to ask. He felt as though he might burst, but before this happened he was hoping to be allowed to do what he was almost sure he�d be denied. When Sanzo rose to gaze at him, Goku suddenly found that he�d lost his voice, not sure if the monk had understood what it was that he wanted, and was afraid to ask again. Then the blonde rose from the bed completely to pull off his jeans and underwear before returning to the bed to prowl up Goku�s body, claiming his lips as Goku stroked as much skin as he could reach.

Without detaching himself from their kiss, Sanzo opened the nightstand drawer with one hand, fumbling within until he found the small bottle of lotion similar to the one in his own room. It was apparently one of the toiletries left behind in the rooms of the inn for all of its guests, one that would be soon used for a far different purpose than intended.

Goku watched Sanzo questioningly when he moved to straddle his body, unsnapping the bottle of lotion. He stroked some of the cool substance onto Goku�s length, earning a shiver and a groan. The blonde soon moistened the fingers of one of Goku�s hands as well, guiding it toward his backside. Goku was surprised that they were being directed inside of the monk�s body, first one then another as Sanzo winced slightly. He marveled at the heat surrounding his fingers. Sanzo felt even warmer inside of his body, his passage twitching around Goku�s probing digits.

�You�ve got to spread them,� Sanzo managed to say as Goku prodded him intimately.

�Like this?� he asked, splaying the twin digits within as he continued to probe the warm silk he�d found inside.

�Yes,� Sanzo sighed, shivering. He moistened his lips as he began to push against the questing digits, his eyes closing. Goku bit his lip at the sight of the monk like this, imagining what he�d do when he replaced his fingers with something else, and realizing that in a few moments, he�d no longer have to dream about this.

Soon Sanzo pushed his hand away, taking hold of Goku�s erection as his breath caught in his throat. He positioned it at his entrance, and began to slowly sink down onto it. Goku�s mouth fell open at the sensation of his length passing through the ring of tight muscle until it was slowly encased in silky warmth. Goku couldn�t help but groan loudly, hardly able to contain himself. As Sanzo sank down to the hilt, he teetered on the brink of orgasm as Sanzo twitched around him, shivering. Then violet eyes opened to gaze into his as Sanzo slowly raised himself up before sinking down again. His initial movements were awkward, Goku moving hands to the blonde�s hips to help steady him. It wasn�t long before he started to push up into that warmth, up into the dream that allowed him to stay by his side, and earned the first of many soft cries.

Soon, the pair found their rhythm, moving against each other fluidly, Goku watching sweat trickle down Sanzo�s belly, watching the monk cry out softly on every thrust within him. This was better than he�d imagined, better than his dreams. Hungry violet eyes gazed down into gold as Sanzo continued to impale himself. The monk groaned Goku�s name, reaching down to stroke his face.

That hand soon slid up to the diadem. Sanzo could feel the energy thrumming under his fingers, a shiver running down his spine. Just one swift movement, and cat-like golden eyes would stare hungrily into his, clawed hands would grasp his hips and pull him down forcefully to be pierced intimately, bruising his flesh where they gripped him.

�Sanzo?� Goku asked nervously, placing a hand onto his wrist to prevent the movement that he feared.

The monk gazed down at him, breathing heavily as he continued to ride his companion. �You shouldn�t be afraid of it. It�s part of who you are.�

�No�� Goku answered, upset at the implication.

�But it is, and I want all of you. I can be as greedy as you are hungry sometimes, and one day, I�ll take this off myself.� Sanzo moved his hand to the side of Goku�s face in a caress. Golden eyes fell shut in bliss as he nuzzled against Sanzo�s hand. Not today, but one day, Sanzo thought.

Sanzo tilted his head back onto his shoulders as he rode Goku�s length. He felt Goku�s hand sliding across his belly and hip, gasping as stroking fingers encircled his erection. His moans grew louder as Goku�s thrusts became more firm and sure. Moments later, Sanzo was shuddering as he teetered and fell over the brink, crying out as warmth spilled onto his lover�s belly. Goku grasped him with both hands, thrusting raggedly until he released himself deep within the blonde. With a satisfied sound, Sanzo settled next to Goku on the bed, his smaller frame spooning against him. He smiled faintly at the sensation of unruly hair brushing his skin as Goku rested his head against his chest. He placed a hand onto his back to pull him close. Right or wrong, he wouldn�t waste time resisting this anymore. What lay ahead of them, Sanzo couldn�t know, but he would hold onto what was dear to him for as long as he could.

______________________________________________

Hakkai was reading a book as he lay on his stomach in bed, wetting a finger as he thumbed the pages. He looked over at the empty bed that belonged to the monk. Sanzo had been gone a long time for just a smoke. Maybe he just needed to walk around and clear his head after everything that had happened.

The door creaked open, and Hakkai was surprised to see Gojyo come into the room, kicking off his shoes.

�I come back from chatting up some ladies at the bar, and I find that the monkey�s locked me out of our room.� Despite that this was something that should have been a source of anger to the redhead, Gojyo seemed jovial about it.

Then Hakkai frowned, worried suddenly. �Do you think that Goku�s alright? Maybe we should force the lock to make sure ��

A crooked grin suddenly split Gojyo�s face. �Naw, that monk is already making sure he�s well taken care of.�

Hakkai�s eyebrows rose. �Sanzo�s with him?�

�Yeah, that selfish bastard. If he was going to commandeer my half of the room so that he could screw his pet, he should have at least let me watch.�

�Gojyo!� Hakkai exclaimed, incredulous. �You don�t know if that�s why. Maybe Sanzo is just talking to him-�

�I�d say that he�s doing more than just talking,� Gojyo said, smirking. �I always knew that bastard wouldn�t be able to keep his mouth shut if he ever got any, but I didn�t figure him for a screamer.�

�Honestly, Gojyo,� Hakkai sighed. �Well, I suppose it can�t be helped. I don�t see why you shouldn�t take Sanzo�s bed then.�

�Thanks, don�t mind if I do!� the redhead said as he flopped onto it.

Hakkai went back to reading as Gojyo rolled onto his back, putting his arms under his head. �It really stinks that Sanzo�s getting some while I�m over here lying in his bed unsatisfied.�

Hakkai smiled, but didn�t look up from his book. �I�m sure that you�ll be able to manage for one night, Gojyo.�

�I don�t know,� Gojyo said, gazing over at the brunette. �I�m not sure that my libido can handle the downtime.�

Hakkai just chuckled softly as he read. Gojyo cast his eyes back up at the ceiling, �Those two might have the right idea, though�� he muttered.

�Did you say something, Gojyo?�

�Nothing,� he sighed.

End
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Grasping At Sunlight