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Perception of Strength	By : chrissysky Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 1541 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Chapter Three: Similarities

Kakashi watched the dark-haired chuunin pace back and forth angrily across the rooftop. He had only seen the amicable man this upset once before, and it was for the exact same reason. �Iruka-sensei, I understand how you feel, but Tsunade-sama is Hokage now. I think we should respect her decision.�
Iruka spun around to face him, expression indignant. �She didn�t even consult with us!�
Kakashi raised his one visible eyebrow. �Us?�
Iruka blushed slightly at the reminder�Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura had graduated and were no longer his students. It had been a slip of the tongue. �You then. You told me only weeks ago that they were your soldiers now, correct? Yet you don�t seem upset about this at all.�
Nodding, Kakashi carefully ignored how cute the handsome man became when he was flustered. There was no time for that. There never would be. �I admit, I was irritated at first, but I can see why Hokage-sama chose to do this.� He didn�t like the thought of Sasuke being somewhere he couldn�t keep an eye on him, in light of Orochimaru�s interest in him and the curse placed on his neck. �I also have faith in them, Iruka-sensei. They�ll be alright.�
Iruka visibly deflated at the neutral, yet at the same time comforting tone. Since meeting Kakashi, he hadn�t known how to deal with the man. He seemed like he didn�t care about anything. In time, Iruka had learned that wasn�t the case. He knew Kakashi cared about Team Seven as much as he did. �You�re right. But� shouldn�t they have had some say in this?�
�You know how Naruto is; he would never have agreed to it, and neither would Sasuke. If they knew they were being maneuvered into leaving Konoha for their protection��
�They would have fought against it,� Iruka finished knowingly.
Kakashi nodded. �Exactly. In the end, it�s for their own good. As much as I believe in their skills, I know they�re not ready for this.� Also, it wasn�t Sasuke�s strength he was worried about, so much as his sanity. He knew how hard Sasuke had taken his defeat to Itachi.
Iruka looked away. �I would have felt better about this if you�d been with them.� Kakashi had arrived back home too late to join them.
Despite himself, Kakashi was touched by the statement. �Why, Iruka-sensei, does this mean you trust me?� he teased.
Iruka�s lips quirked in a small, hesitant smile. �I guess it does. I apologize for my earlier distrust of you, and� I�d like it if we became friends, Kakashi-sensei.�
Kakashi blinked, before realizing the peace-offering was only for the sake of �their� students. If they were friends, Iruka would feel more at ease pressing Kakashi for information on Naruto�s progress and welfare. Iruka was just looking out for Naruto, he told himself. Offering a smile from behind his mask, he said, �Then you can call me Kakashi.�
Iruka smiled back and moved a step closer to Kakashi. �And, though it still feels wrong, I suppose you�re right about Hokage-sama�s decision. I�m still going to worry about them.�
Kakashi nodded soberly. �As will I.�
Iruka patted his arm gently. �Don�t worry. They�ll be back before we know it, I�m sure.�
Kakashi grinned. �Naruto will want ramen immediately.�
�You�re right. I should start stocking up now��
The gray-haired man laughed and found himself warming up to the prospect of having this man as a friend. It had� been a long time since he�d had one, after all.
*
Immediately after waking, Sasuke wanted to go back to sleep. Not because he felt horrible and wanted to avoid the real world, nothing that rational; he felt good. It was something he didn�t feel often, and he didn�t want to lose hold of it. After a moment he realized why that was�he�d had no nightmares about red eyes and dead family members.
But he had dreamed.
Not of things from the past, like his mother smiling or his brother poking his forehead, and not of the future, like killing Itachi and restoring his clan. He couldn�t really remember what he had dreamt, but he knew he�d liked it. It left him with a warm feeling all over.
When he noticed Naruto beside him, the blond�s cheek resting on his shoulder, that warm feeling grew stronger.
Sasuke was overwhelmed by so many emotions he couldn�t name, and he soon began to panic. Fear rose in his throat and he prepared to throttle Naruto�
��Well, I�m not afraid.�
Sasuke blinked at his sleeping rival. Was he afraid of Naruto?
Of course not!
The fear dampened, calmed, and Sasuke felt the emotions weren�t so overwhelming after that. Strange and new�yet familiar�but not overpowering. He could control it.
Naruto was drooling again. Sasuke wiped the spittle off his chin with his thumb before rubbing it onto the blond�s shirt. Then he caught sight of the odd whisker marks on Naruto�s cheeks and leaned closer.
They were unusual. Definitely not scars; the lines were too dark. They also weren�t something that Naruto drew on himself; they were natural. Sasuke couldn�t say for sure, but they looked almost like tattoos�again, only more natural. (1)
Naruto�s nose twitched and the blond mumbled something before burrowing closer to Sasuke.
Sasuke blushed and finally took a look around. The sun was rising and it was still early. The sailors appeared to be changing shifts. Off to one side stood Hakkai, alone, nursing a cup of what Sasuke assumed was coffee. The rest of their traveling companions must have been still asleep below.
Deciding that this scenario was much too embarrassing for his liking, he disentangled himself from Naruto�slowly so as not to wake him�wrapped the dead last in his blanket and hoisted him up. Naruto was about as heavy as he�d expected him to be.
Hakkai smiled politely as he passed by. Sasuke glared, daring him to say anything, but the green-eyed man stayed silent. On the stairs going down, he nearly ran into Gojyo, who smirked widely when he saw the burden Sasuke carried.
�Have a nice night?� Gojyo teased.
Sasuke growled, but his face colored, giving him away. �Shut up.�
Chuckling, the redhead went in the opposite direction and found Hakkai. �Yo.�
Hakkai beamed, happy to see Gojyo up and about. �You�re feeling better then?�
Gojyo nodded. �Good as new. Hell of a trick you got there.�
His smile turned sly. �I have many skills.�
Gojyo�s smirk returned. �I know.� They really had to figure out a way to find some privacy. �I�m gonna go get something to eat. I�m hungry!� he added, mimicking Goku.
�That�s good,� said Hakkai encouragingly. In the back of his mind Hakkai thought there was something he was forgetting, but he couldn�t think of what it could be.
*
Naruto woke, climbed out of his hammock and dressed. He growled in frustration to see that his friends were no where to be seen. �They didn�t wake me! Again!�
He raced to the kitchen and, though everyone had already eaten, the cook knowingly placed a plate of food in Naruto�s hands. Naruto beamed at the man, nearly inhaled the grub, and was out of there in a flash.
Stretching leisurely, smile as bright as the sunny day around them, Naruto walked over to where his teammates stood.
Sakura was talking animatedly to Sasuke, who ignored her pointedly�damn bastard didn�t appreciate what he had�and that�s when Naruto remembered the night before. He flushed bright crimson.
Feeling eyes on him, Sasuke looked up and met the surprised blue orbs of his rival. He raised an eyebrow challengingly. What the hell�s wrong with him now?

�Um,� was all Naruto could get out, which turned Sakura�s attention on him. His panic rose�he had to get away from them, fast.
�Good morning, Naruto,� Sakura said uncertainly, wondering why Naruto was blushing and staring at them so strangely.
�Morning,� Naruto choked and ran quickly over to where Goku and Gojyo were standing, catching his breath.
Goku watched as Naruto practically hyperventilated beside him, surprised. �Naruto? Are you okay?� He wondered if he should go get Hakkai.
Naruto gulped and smiled wanly, slowly coming to himself. He wasn�t even sure what he�d been panicking about. Now that he was away from Sasuke, though, he felt a lot better. �Yeah, I�m fine.� He gestured to Gojyo and the sailors, who were playing some sort of game involving dice and cups. �What are they doing?�
�Gambling,� Goku said with a wry grin.
�Hey, monkey,� Gojyo drew their attention. �Try some of this, it�s good.� He and the sailors were eating an unusual foodstuff, something that neither boy could place.
Goku smiled�Gojyo was really offering him food?�and reached to take it when he caught a whiff of it. Immediately he shrank away. �Ew, no way, it smells nasty!�
Gojyo blinked. �What? It�s really good!�
�Er, no thanks.� There was something wrong with the water sprite, he could tell. Goku drew Naruto away and walked over to where Sanzo stood with Hakkai. �Sanzo, Gojyo�s eating some really nasty food!�
�So what?� Sanzo asked, not understanding the significance.
Hakkai unexpectedly slapped his fist down into the palm of his other hand. �That�s it!�
�Huh?� Goku, Sanzo, and Naruto asked.
�That pressure point I showed him to treat his nausea is used to make a certain senses go numb,� Hakkai explained, slipping into teacher mode. �Oftentimes, it causes the taste buds to numb as well, and the person might start eating strange things.� (2)
�No way!� Goku cried, shocked. He was doubly glad that he wasn�t seasick like Gojyo!
Hakkai nodded and added in a low voice, �Though, if he thinks he�s going to kiss me after eating marmite, he�s sorely mistaken��
Sanzo smirked. �Let me be there when you tell him. Please.�
Hakkai held his hand over his mouth and laughed quietly.
Naruto blushed as he overheard the exchange, again remembering the night before. He glanced over at Sasuke and saw he was being watched. Quickly he looked away.
He didn�t want to remember last night. True, it had been his idea, but in the light of day he no longer knew how to deal with it. Instead of dealing with it, he wanted to pretend it hadn�t happened. But now that he knew he was being stared at, the back of his neck was prickling under the weight of that dark gaze. His lips tingled in memory of the kisses. It was all giving him a headache.
Goku was asking Hakkai what marmite was, but Naruto didn�t hear the answer. He descended the stairs back into the hull of the ship, needing to get out of the sunshine and away from Sasuke�from everyone. He needed to think.
�What�s the matter, scaredy-cat?� a deep voice asked behind him.
Naruto whirled in surprise, but he already knew who had followed him. �What what?!�
Sasuke smirked and leaned back against a wall, posture casual. �You�re avoiding me.�
�I am not!� Naruto immediately denied, but they both knew it wasn�t the truth.
�It was your idea.�
Naruto glowered down at the floor, hair obscuring his eyes. �Shut up.�
Something needed to be done about this. Two days ago, Sasuke wouldn�t have felt the urge to, but now things were different. He just didn�t know how different yet. But seeing Naruto like this�Naruto wasn�t supposed to be like this�it wasn�t right. He needed Naruto to be Naruto.
He needed.
Closing the distance between them, Sasuke spoke gruffly. �Oi. I thought you said you weren�t afraid.�
Naruto�s head snapped up again, eyes narrowing into a hard, determined glare. �I�m not!�
�Then prove it,� Sasuke dared, knowing Naruto would remember this exchange, knowing there was only one thing for him to do or he�d prove himself wrong.
Naruto looked around uncertainly. The room was dark, but not too far away the night crew slept, despite his shouting. That or they were just pretending. �Right now?�
Sasuke snorted. �Who cares if someone sees us? They probably watched us last night.�
Naruto gulped loudly. �Oh. I hadn�t thought about that��
�Obviously not. So, are you going to kiss me or what?� he snapped in as insulting a manner as possible.
Forgetting his uneasiness because of that tone, Naruto leaned upward and kissed Sasuke roughly with a fierce growl. Wincing as a sharp tooth came into contact with his lip, Sasuke grabbed hold of the blond�s face and took control of the kiss, easing it into a more gentle contact like the night before. Naruto made a soft noise and suddenly everything in Sasuke�s head felt fuzzy.
A second later, Naruto remembered to breathe through his nose. He found this whole kissing thing much more enjoyable when it didn�t end after a couple of minutes. Feeling pleasantly dizzy, he grabbed hold of Sasuke�s waist as if holding onto something solid would keep him on his feet.
Naruto didn�t want to deal with this, but Sasuke was making him, and if Sasuke was brave enough acknowledge whatever this was, then Naruto would too! There was no way he�d be outdone by Sasuke�in anything. So what if he wasn�t kissing Sakura? Sasuke was� just as important. It wasn�t a conclusion he�d just come to, he�d realized it weeks ago. What he felt for Sakura was pleasant; but with Sasuke it was tangled, stronger and encompassing.
Maybe Goku was right�what did it matter if Sasuke was a boy? He was� important� and kind of cute when he wasn�t being a jerk.
When they pulled apart, something else occurred to Naruto. �Hey hey, this morning I woke up down here, but I don�t remember coming back to bed! What happened?�
Sasuke blinked at the abrupt subject change and let Naruto go. Well, he seems back to normal at least. �You sleepwalk.�
�Huh?�
Sasuke rolled his eyes. Should have known he�d be too stupid to get that. Not that it was a good lie to begin with. �We fell asleep. I woke up before you this morning and carried you back.�
Naruto stared at his rival in wonder before smiling. �Hey, that�s kinda sweet!�
Sasuke glared and blushed. �Shut up.�
Naruto snickered, scratching the back of his head. �Feh, now I�m bored. Let�s go spar again.�
Sasuke shrugged. �Whatever.� Just because he and Naruto were� kissing� didn�t mean he was going to neglect his training. He didn�t have to ask to know that Naruto felt the same. They both had goals to accomplish. When they got back to Konoha, he could continue his training in earnest with Kakashi-sensei, and one day, he would face Itachi and kill him.
He had to. There was nothing else.
*
After he explained to Gojyo the side effects of the pressure point, and assisting the redhead once he�d started vomiting again, Hakkai stood with Sanzo watching Naruto and Sasuke practicing. Goku and Sakura cheered them on from the sidelines, looking like they both wanted to join in. The sailors, unlike the previous day, didn�t let the commotion bother them so much. Some even appeared to be placing bets (mostly in Sasuke�s favor, naturally).
Sanzo puffed on his cigarette, wishing he had something to read. He hadn�t thought to buy a newspaper in the last town they�d been in. �Hakkai.�
�Yes?�
�Have you noticed it? That Naruto kid��
Hakkai nodded soberly. �Yes. It�s very distinct, that demonic smell, and the energy� I�d thought you would have brought it up sooner than now though.�
Sanzo shrugged. He wouldn�t admit that he�d been waiting for Hakkai to bring it up. �It didn�t seem important.�
�And when he comes within range of the Minus Wave? Do you think it will affect him?�
The priest shook his head. �I don�t think so. He�s mostly human; the demon soul is trapped inside of him.�
�It�s such a large power though,� Hakkai noted thoughtfully. �Like Goku, only��
�If the demon was sealed by a human,� Sanzo said, �then it stands to reason that it isn�t as unstoppable as Seiten Taisei.� The diadem on Goku�s brow wasn�t human-made after all. Goku wasn�t a demon. He was a wholly unique being.
A memory flashed in Hakkai�s mind of Goku the times his limiter had come been removed, and the terrifying beast that the friendly boy would become. �It�s still a very old demon. Most definitely a pure blood, unlike Gojyo and myself.� Gojyo was part human, a taboo child, and Hakkai had transformed into a demon after killing one thousand of them. Unconsciously, he touched the place on his abdomen where his four year old scar lay hidden under his shirt.
Sanzo grunted, noticing Hakkai�s action but not mentioning it.
�The demons we�ve fought until now are the same�the blood has diminished over time. Most of the pure bloods were vanquished long ago. The one I�m most familiar with is Gyumaoh.�
�And he was defeated by the War Prince Nataku.�
�If he�s revived��
Sanzo flicked his cigarette into the ocean. �Which was probably why the Three Aspects ordered me to bring Goku along�as insurance against Gyumaoh.�
Hakkai�s eyes widened. That hadn�t occurred to him �Do you think he could beat Gyumaoh?�
�He�d see it as a challenge,� Sanzo replied, no hint of worry in his voice. �Goku is neither god nor demon�and there are things about Seiten Taisei Son Goku that we haven�t even begun to figure out.� Like his past before he was imprisoned on Mount Gogyo, for starters. �But that�s a match up I wouldn�t worry about too much if I were you.�
Hakkai smiled wanly. �Ah, perhaps you�re right.�
�But telling you not to worry is like telling Goku not to be hungry.�
That caused the brunet to laugh. �True.�
�And, though Naruto shouldn�t become a threat, the possibility does exist��
�I�ll keep an eye on him,� Hakkai promised.
Sanzo nodded. �See that you do.�
Of course, keeping an eye on Naruto meant studying his dark-haired teammate as well. He�d noticed that Naruto had seemed anxious about something earlier, but after both he and Sasuke returned the blond ninja appeared to be back to normal. Hakkai couldn�t help wondering what was going on between them, and if it was really what Gojyo thought it was. Despite the fact they were twelve, he couldn�t help but thinking the perverted water sprite was right.
If Naruto was to be compared to Goku, then Sasuke was definitely like Sanzo. Cold, single-minded, and hard to approach. His eyes were stern and serious, as if like the ikkou he had been through a great tragedy�then Hakkai remembered that he had. Tsunade had let it slip that Sasuke�s entire clan had been killed by his brother, and that the boy was the only survivor.
No, Sasuke wasn�t like Sanzo in that respect. Sanzo had not actively sought revenge for the death of his master. True, he had searched for years in order to retrieve the second scripture that had been stolen, the one now possessed by the demons whose goal was to revive Gyumoah. The search had hardened Sanzo, but he had ways to get his anger out now�usually by punishing Goku and Gojyo. His smoking relieved inner tension as well. For Sasuke, it wasn�t so simple.
Revenge was never simple.
The rage became so blinding that one couldn�t help but feel that being covered in the blood of their enemy was the only solution.
Hakkai knew that very well. And, looking at Sasuke now, he remembered that time four years ago vividly, and his heart hurt in remembrance of his past life as Cho Gonou.
To think, that this child was close to that endless abyss, approaching it with the mind of a killer, with no concern of the cost�

Kanan�

Hakkai found himself paying much more attention to Sasuke after that.
*
Gojyo found his lover that night up on deck, watching the moon�s reflection on the dark ocean surrounding them. He�d woken when Hakkai had gotten up, but when the brunet hadn�t returned he�d become concerned. After interrogating Sanzo, he still didn�t know what the stupid monk had said to make Hakkai go all distant, so he�d just have to find out himself.
Hakkai didn�t speak when Gojyo joined him. Maybe he was that lost in thought. He gazed at the water with such a lost expression. Gojyo had seen it often enough to know exactly what the other man was thinking about.
�You�re too pretty to have such a long face,� was his great opening.
It earned him a tired smile from Hakkai. �Is that so?� He always acted like the flattery didn�t affect him, but Gojyo knew better. �I�m still not kissing you though.�
Gojyo smirked and moved his arm around Hakkai�s waist. They were far enough from the night crew to have at least a modicum of privacy. �I brushed my teeth.�
Hakkai sniffed his breath experimentally. �And drank a few beers.�
�I wanted to be sure the taste was completely gone.�
Hakkai laughed softly. �Well, that�s as good an excuse for alcohol as I�ve ever heard.�
�So says the guy who can drink all of us into the floor.� Hakkai was notorious for never getting a hangover no matter how much he drank. He was obnoxiously perfect like that.
�Hmm.�
�So, you going to tell me what�s bothering you, or do I have to guess?� Gojyo asked after a moment, when he felt Hakkai was comfortable against him.
Hakkai gave a long, depressed sigh. �Sasuke-kun reminds me of my past self�selves, if I�m being completely honest.�
Gojyo blinked at that. Sasuke had actually struck him as more of a Sanzo clone, which was why he just had to tease him about Naruto. And then there was the last part. �Selves?�
Hakkai nodded. �Myself, when I was a child and living in the orphanage. I told you about that.�
Gojyo remembered Hakkai mentioning it a few times. It had been before he�d met Kanan. The two of them had been raised in separate orphanages.
�I saw the nuns and the other children as contemptuous,� Hakkai went on, �and I hated them. I withdrew from everyone and never sought out friendship or love.
�Then there is myself after the Hyakugan-Maoh tribe took Kanan. The same thirst for revenge is in his eyes.�
Now Gojyo understood how Hakkai could see himself in the boy, and why it bothered him so much. It wasn�t just the killing. That was something Hakkai could have lived with, but it was that even in the end, he�d still lost the woman he loved�
The spirit that Gojyo felt he had to compete with, even four years after the fact. He knew it was stupid, but still. Kanan was Hakkai�s first love. Gojyo was second. He always would be.
�I want to talk to him,� Hakkai explained. �To tell him what a terrible mistake he�s making, but I can�t think of anything that doesn�t sound superficial.�
Gojyo shook his head. �Speak from your heart and it won�t be.�
Hakkai sighed again. �You�re right. There�s no help for it. I�ll have to tell him everything, if I�m going to do it right. If I want it to have any impact at all.� It would be difficult, but Gojyo knew he was too kindhearted to not at least try.
Gojyo gave his lover a comforting squeeze and said nothing. It was the only consolation he could offer. They never exchanged words for grief�they both knew it was a useless gesture. It wouldn�t change anything.
It wouldn�t bring the ones they�d loved back.
�Gojyo,� Hakkai whispered after a moment. �I�ve wanted to tell you this for some time, but the opportunity never arose. It�s something I need for you to know.� Gojyo nodded to show he was listening. �You� When we met, I didn�t want to be saved, but you did it anyway. You know this of course. I�d thought that after Kanan died, there was no reason to go on. It was too painful.� His voice was still soft, the only sign he gave to how much it hurt to speak of these things.
Hakkai continued in spite of that. �But because of you, Sanzo, and Goku, I find that I want to live now.� The fact that he saw himself as their caretaker went unsaid. �I will always miss Kanan and regret losing her. But� I do not regret meeting you.� He turned and looked the redhead directly in the eye. �I love you.�
Gojyo thought his heart might just stop beating. �Ha�Hakkai,� he said in a surprisingly thick voice, �you know you don�t have to say it��
Hakkai beamed. �So you�ve said. But you deserve to hear it, Gojyo.�
In response, Gojyo pulled Hakkai into a crushing embrace that made the brunet squeak. Laughing, Hakkai hugged him back.
When they drew apart they noticed they were being watched, which was surprising�they hadn�t heard anyone come outside, or even felt their presence. It was definitely fortuitous, though, considering what they had just been talking about.
Gojyo began to scheme.
Hakkai smiled at Naruto and Sasuke, not giving away his surprise. �Good evening, Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun.�
�Good, er, evening,� Naruto greeted back. Sasuke glared suspiciously and stayed quiet.
Gojyo smirked at Hakkai meaningfully, gave the brunet�s shoulder a squeeze that bellied his playful expression, and walked over to Naruto. �Just the guy I wanted to see.�
Naruto blinked. The only member of the ikkou he�d really talked to was Goku. He had trouble even remembering the other three�s names. �Huh?�
He turned the boy around and guided him away, throwing Sasuke a grin as he did. �I�m gonna borrow your blond for a minute. Be right back.�
Sasuke watched them go, looking like he wanted to seriously maim Gojyo for daring to touch Naruto, but the fact that they were clients stayed his hand.
Hakkai gave an embarrassed laugh. �Yare yare. He didn�t have to do that�� He appreciated the thought though.
Those darkly suspicious eyes turned on him. �What�s this about?�
Smiling disarmingly, Hakkai studied the boy and had to marvel over how someone so young could act so cool and callous when all Sasuke was doing was standing there. It was just the air of confidence he gave off. He didn�t have to wonder why Sakura and Naruto were drawn to him�it was the same reason they all hovered around Sanzo. �Ah, I wouldn�t worry about it. Gojyo won�t tell Naruto-kun anything too traumatizing.�
The glare darkened, if that were possible. �I�m not stupid like Naruto. What are you two up to?�
Hakkai laughed softly at that. �Honestly? I just wanted to speak with you, Sasuke-kun.�
�About?�
�What you have to lose,� Hakkai said, tone and demeanor suddenly becoming serious.
Though the man wasn�t giving off a threatening aura, Sasuke still tensed. �What the hell are you talking about?�
Hakkai looked away, out toward the water once more. �You are not the only one who has ever sought revenge.�
Sasuke grit his teeth, wondering how Hakkai had found out, who had told him. �Don�t bother. You�re not the first person to try to talk me out of it. I�ve already made up my mind long ago.�
Hakkai resisted the urge to point out that Sasuke was only twelve. He hadn�t even lived half his life yet. �If you would, please indulge me,� he said in his best �You�re going to do exactly what I want you to do no matter how much you don�t want to� voice.
Sasuke, like everyone else, gave into it, as grudgingly as Sanzo. �Whatever.�
Hakkai took a deep breath and decided to just plow in. He had never discussed any of this with anyone but Gojyo and Sanzo before. It was� hard, but it wouldn�t stop him. �I lost the one I loved the most. She was� everything to me. I loved her more than my own life. When she was taken by demons, I was filled with rage.�
Despite himself, Sasuke found himself listening to Hakkai. Those others who�d talked to him about this, they�d just told him not to do it, that it was bad. He could tell that wasn�t what Hakkai was doing. The man actually seemed to have a point somewhere in his story.
Not that it would work, of course.
�I killed them all,� Hakkai said, in a distant voice. �One thousand. There were no survivors.� He didn�t think to say anything about Chin Yisou, since that had been a technicality.
That stirred Sasuke�s curiosity more. Hakkai seemed like such a mild-mannered, gentle person. It was hard to believe he was a killer. Perhaps he had mistaken gentleness for weakness?
�How do you think I felt?� he asked, in the voice of an instructor, tone giving away nothing more than mild curiosity. �Do you think I felt victorious? Satisfied?�
�Didn�t you?� Sasuke questioned.
�No,� Hakkai confessed. �One thousand souls dead by my hand, I felt empty, and even when I found her, Kanan took her own life. She had been� raped by the leader of the demon tribe and could not bear the shame.�
�So you did it for nothing?� For some reason, this made Sasuke angry. To imagine going through that, and not have his lover appreciate it� His opinion of Kanan was very low, even though he had never met her.
Hakkai nodded. �I thought I killed them all to avenge her, but only afterwards did I see I was wrong. It wasn�t revenge, not just. It was my ego. My ego wouldn�t stand for the insult of Kanan being taken from me. And in the end, I lost everything: Kanan, my life, my sanity, my humanity�everything.
�I�m not going to tell you not to avenge your family, because I know that that is pointless. You will only discover how truly useless revenge is until after the act is done. All I can do is offer you this warning.� Hakkai met his eye again. �Be prepared to lose everything important to you.�
Sasuke scoffed. He�d already lost everything; Itachi had taken it all away.
Hakkai seemed to understand that. �You think you have nothing to lose? I think you�re wrong.� His eyes traveled across the ship to where Naruto listened avidly to whatever Gojyo was talking to him about. �You�re not stupid, Sasuke-kun. You have to have realized that Naruto means something to you.�
Sasuke glanced at the blond before glaring at Hakkai again. He wished he could deny it, but he couldn�t. The idiot had become important, somewhere along the line. But if Hakkai thought he was going to say it out loud, he was wrong.
Hakkai seemed to interpret that too. �I�m not asking you to admit it to him. That you will do in your own time. What I am saying is� Though I haven�t known Naruto-kun for very long, I do not think he is the type of person who would understand the need for revenge. If you continue down this path, you will most assuredly lose him.�
Something in Sasuke�s gut tightened.
The brunet went on, relentless. �He will become disgusted with you and will hate the person you become. The blood on your hands will never be washed clean. Blood shed in protecting one�s friends and home is admirable. Blood shed with the blade of ego is despicable. Naruto-kun is a good person, not like you and I. He will not understand.
�You will lose him. I wonder if you will be able to live with yourself after that.�
Sasuke looked away, dark hair hiding his features, but Hakkai noticed his fists were shaking.
�There is more to life than vengeance,� Hakkai went on. �It is the stronger people who have the ability to live past the grief and move on.� That said, Hakkai felt very tired suddenly, and he left Sasuke to his thoughts.
*
�So, brat, how far have you gotten?�
Naruto blinked, not sure what Gojyo meant. �Huh?�
Gojyo sighed. �How far have you and Sasuke gotten? Kissing, dry humping, hand jobs, blow jobs, anal penetration�that sort of thing.�
The blond blushed brightly as the meaning caught on, and though there wasn�t much light to see by, it was still pretty visible. �Uh, uh, just, er, kissing! Um. Not that other stuff. Yeah�� Then something occurred to him. �Hey! How did you know that we were�? Erm��
Gojyo chuckled lowly. �I�m an expert in my field. So, just kissing huh? That�s so cute!� he gushed.
Naruto blushed further. �It is?�
�Do you use tongue?�
�Er, no.�
Gojyo smirked widely, barely resisting the urge to cackle. �Okay, try it. It�s good for getting to the next step.�
�Next step?�
�You know, to that other stuff.�
�Oh.�
�Don�t you want to?� Gojyo hadn�t ever met a teenage boy who didn�t want to get laid. Hakkai kept saying they were only twelve as if that were some defense�Gojyo explained that some kids �bloomed� faster than others. He had. �You like him, don�t you?�
Naruto hadn�t thought about that. Sasuke had always been an asshole before, but since the whole kissing thing had started� Well, things were different now. Sasuke was still a jerk, but he still wanted to kiss him. �Um. Yeah, I guess so,� he mumbled, suddenly feeling very shy.
�But you�re not sure about the other stuff yet,� Gojyo concluded wisely.
Naruto shook his head. �I haven�t really thought about it.�
�Well, give it some thought. It�s better not to rush into sex anyway. Does he like you too?�
Now, that was an interesting question. In his own words, Sasuke didn�t really like or dislike anything. But, Sasuke had to like kissing him if he kept doing it, right? Or else he would stop, wouldn�t he?
It didn�t really mean that Sasuke liked him though. It could just be that he liked the kissing. Up until recently, he�d been sure that Sasuke hated him, and the feeling had been mutual.
Things were a lot simpler two days ago.
Gojyo ruffled the kid�s fuzzy blond head, setting his forehead protector off center. �Why don�t you ask him sometime, okay?� He�d already guessed that Sasuke also shared Sanzo�s unwillingness to admit his feelings or to even act on them�which was why Sanzo and Goku had yet to do anything. Goku just had to be so noble and wait for Sanzo to be ready. �And if you need any advice or whatever, just come to me.� He winked.
Naruto grinned. �You know at lot about this stuff, pervert kappa.� Except Iruka, all of his teachers thus far had been perverts. Gojyo was just adding himself to the list.
Gojyo�s eyebrow twitched. �You�ve been hanging around the monkey too much.�
The boy snickered. He glanced over at Sasuke and saw he was alone. �I think he�s waiting for me.�
�Aa, probably,� Gojyo responded, snuffing out his cigarette. �I�d better go track down my lover. You have fun with yours.� He winked again and Naruto blushed.
Sasuke fixed Naruto with a stern look when he finally walked over to him. �What did he want?�
Naruto blushed again. �Er, um. He just wanted to talk about stuff. Nothing important.�
�Was it about me?� Sasuke asked, paranoid that Gojyo had told him anything like what Hakkai had said. If they were trying to turn Naruto against him, he�d kill them, clients or no clients.
�Um. Kinda.�
�What did he say?�
�It was just stuff!� He could see Sasuke wasn�t going to let it go though. �Like, you know, the kissing.�
Sasuke relaxed, suddenly remembering what little he knew of Gojyo. So he was just teasing him. Damn pervert. �Oh.�
�Heh, yeah. It was kinda embarrassing. I don�t know how he figured it out�I didn�t tell him! But yeah.� Naruto looked at Sasuke and wondered if now would be a good time to ask if his teammate liked him. In a moment of rare insight, he decided not to. �Still wanna kiss?�
Sasuke shrugged as though disinterested. �Sure.� It might get his mind of what Hakkai had said. Not that it mattered or anything. So what if Naruto would hate him? He didn�t care what the idiot thought of him. Not at all.
He didn�t notice that thinking that, he held onto Naruto tighter as they kissed. Naruto didn�t comment. In fact, he seemed to be trying to lick him.
Sasuke pulled away. �What the hell are you doing?�
Naruto grinned shyly. �Using tongue.�
�Why?�
�Why not? Are you afraid?�
�Of course not.� Sasuke wrinkled his nose. �You might have germs or something.�
Naruto smirked. �Aren�t you too old to believe in cooties?�
Sasuke growled lowly. �Fine. How�� Before he could get any further though, Naruto thrust his tongue into his mouth and he nearly bit it off.
Later, he wished he had.
TBC.
1. In Saiyuki, most demons have these natural tattoos. Just struck me that Naruto�s whiskers were kind of like that.
2. Xena reference.
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Perception of Strength