D does Dimensions Alternate

Chapter Three: D causes problems for everyone but Seras.

Alucard probably wasn’t aware of how much Integra knew about his past. She knew that he’d been born Vlad Tepes. That he had been a king who impaled his enemies and lost dramatically to the Turks. After that loss he became a consummate monster and made them all pay in his typical fashion. Then he disappeared for a century or so. Integra was beginning to be of the opinion that he’d been able to jump dimensions as Harry had, although his wards limited that now. It was a more logical explanation than any other for his silence during that time. Alucard was many things but quiet had never been one of them. If he had shown any restraint during his un-life he wouldn’t have become a servant to the Hellsing family.

Harry further reinforced her convictions. Since Alucard had admitted that the vampire was his son she could only presume that he had, in fact, been born elsewhere. Her ancestor had tested the fecundity of vampires only to discover, much to his relief, that they were barren. Clearly there was a place where this was not so.

She had to learn more.

As soon as she did she was going to punish Alucard for forcing yet another undead being upon her. A creature that he had no dominion over and that clearly had no experience working on a team. It was obvious that the boy hadn’t been socialised enough as a child. He didn’t seem as though he would turn on her straight away but looks could be deceiving. She and Alucard would have to have Words. She decided to have Seras, gentle, kind Seras, show him the ropes. Pip would eat him alive. At least half the geese were going to crack onto him. He really was rather pretty.

Integra did not value prettiness. She didn’t think it was particularly useful and things that were not useful annoyed her. She lit a cigar and decided that Victoria had been more of a boon than she had previously thought. She was a pretty thing too but she made up for it with her ability to destroy godless hordes and follow orders.

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D was feeling very confused. Two women had loudly announced themselves in his presence (he was a quiet bloke, loudness is very relative) and not one had been coquettish, lithe and stunningly beautiful. He was currently being stared down by the most butch woman he had ever met, who, like Seras, hadn’t gotten any more girlish during her second viewing. She was smoking, for heaven’s sake! Smoking and glaring at him with icy nonchalance. He was supposed to be the nonchalant one. It was practically tattooed on his forehead.

While D had an identity crisis, his left hand estimated just how curvy Integra was under her suit. Odds were good that she was toned and blessed with a descent hourglass. Not even Armani could hide those fantastic mammaries. As a parasite (technically he was a mutualistic organism but parasite sounded better), he could understand the desire to appear more intimidating than you naturally did. The outfit just allowed the fluffy exterior to catch up with her internal core of steel. Lefty could empathise but that didn’t stop him from wanting to bury his face in her knockers.

The less said about Alucard’s thought processes the better. He was like a mathematician, comparing all possible choices to the probability of various consequences and results that could occur. This was inherently useful when he had an order and incredibly dangerous when he didn’t. He was likely to react in a way that had a low chance of a positive outcome because he thought it was more interesting. Just to give you an inkling as to what he was up to, he had calculated that there was a probability of 0.001 that Integra’s office would catch fire if he kept scuffing his feet on the carpet.

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The meeting in Integra’s office did not go badly, nor did it go well. D had stared with an unseemly amount of disbelief at his new boss. He’d also been roped into working for her without pay. She, in turn, made it clear that he was less than the dirt (figuratively, Walter had the carpet steam cleaned that morning) beneath her feet. She was sure that he would cause more trouble between her and the other nobility than she deemed practical. One rather heated discussion later and it was discovered that they had very different definitions of what a noble was.

The tension had not been aided by Alucard perpetually kicking at the rug.

Eventually Integra dictated that D, another terse conversation had exchanged his preferred name with Harry, would be escorted around the manor post-haste. Just so long as he left her damn office and made himself useful. Alucard became an oppressive force behind him and he realised, quite belatedly, that this woman was his father’s Master. How had it come to pass that a human woman was commanding the Lord of all Vampires, the most powerful monster ever to live? Why the hell did he seem to like her bossing him around?

Integra had also told him that the police girl Seras would be ‘looking after him’. Alucard did not say anything about this so D just smiled in a slightly antagonistic fashion. He dropped his facial expression when Integra glared at him again.

When Walter offered to show him to the basement, any previous animosity was missing from his manner. D followed, biding his time before confronting anyone about the bizarre rules of this universe. Integra bore careful watching. It was likely that she wasn’t human if she had Alucard in her thrall. Either that or Dracula was out seducing human women again. It had happened before.

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“Oh, Harry! I’m so glad you’re staying. I’m sure you’ll like it here.”

“Is that a coffin?”

“I’m sorry that we couldn’t get you your real one but I’m sure it’s comfortable.”

“I shall be sleeping in that coffin?”

“Well, obviously. It’s not the nicest I’ve ever seen but it is solid cedar. Mine has this pretty mahogany finish. If it really isn’t suitable I can swap with you, until we buy you a permanent one.”

“You sleep in a coffin?”

“Master says I have to. Do you not require one?”

“…”

“I heard Master mention that you preferred digging a hole and lying in that.”

“…”

“I’ll get you a shovel right away.”

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“Captain, have you seen that new bloke?”

“That’s not a bloke, that’s a woman.”

“Look, just because he walks like a catwalk model and looks just as pretty doesn’t make him a girl.”

“Face like that hasn’t seen the light of testosterone, gotta be a woman.”

“Come on Captain, which do you think he is?”

“He’s a man, tres belle je sais, mais il est un homme.”

“Ahh, Captain, most of us don’t speak French.”

“I said he’s a man, very beautiful but still a man.”

“Hah! You owe me ten pounds!”

“And he has his eye on our Seras.”

“What?”

“That undead bastard!”

“She’s undead too boys, or haven’t you noticed those teeth? I’m beginning to think I should be looking for more observant geese, non?”

“Still… She’s Seras. That’s like catching someone making out with your sister.”

“Getting caught never used to stop me. He’s not used to the game here. Peut-etre I can teach him a thing or two.”

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“You owe me.”

“Yes, my Master.”

“I barely manage to get away with Seras. I can’t pretend that having another vampire was intentional a second time.”

“In my defence, he isn’t a full vampire. He can go out in the sun…”

“Hmph, so can you. So could Seras if she chose to drink.”

“I haven’t seen him in a long time. I will admit that he may act in ways I cannot predict.”

“If he harms any of my men I will order you to kill him.”

“Yes, my Master.”

“Oh, one more thing Alucard…”

“Yes?”

“That does not include him participating in sexual intercourse with them. They need to get out their frustrations somehow.”

“…”

“The girls in the tea room have started a pool. They are mostly divided between Seras and Pip, although Pip would probably rather have both of them. I have a not inconsiderable sum riding on that eventuality.”

“…”

“Why, Alucard, you look rather red. Perhaps you should go lie down on that bed you’ve made.”

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After spending half an hour staring between his new coffin and the hole in the floor, Seras returned. She was smiling the same slightly gormless smile that she’d been wearing since he’d been invited back to the manor. She was still wearing her uniform, made dusty from pulling up stones and digging, and she was carrying some clothes. She put them down on a small desk that resided to his left.

“I managed to borrow some clothes from Gigas. He’s about your height and his mum just bought him some new stuff for Christmas so he had spares.”

D decided to look at the items with distaste. After a few moments he decided they deserved a little worse than that.

“This is what people wear…? Wait, Gigas?”

“That’s just his nickname, his real name is George. Kind of like how your name is Harry but lots of people already call you D.” Seras’ hands flitted about as she talked, attempting to illustrate her point.

“Do you have a nickname?” D couldn’t imagine anything more ignoble than this “nick name” business.

“No.” She paused and blushed slightly, “Well, Master has a nickname for me and other people use it too but that’s mainly because… I mean he doesn’t think…”

Her shoulders slumped a little and D felt like a bit of a bastard for making her feel bad. It was a novel sensation. A part of him that was very human decided to bail her out.

“I’m not very fond of shortening names,” he said before she had a chance to speak further, “Seras is a lovely name, do you mind if I call you by your first name?”

She brightened again and it was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. “No, not at all.”

Seras spent the next ten minutes showing D what she’d brought for him. He preferred his usual clothes but according to her he’d need these if he wanted to go out during the day. That was presuming Lord Hellsing let him go out. Otherwise his leathers would do if he had to fight. She still touched him a bit more than he was used to but he found himself minding less and less.

As dawn approached Seras started yawning.

“I’m afraid I have to get back to my room now.” She mumbled, “I’m useless after the sun rises.”

“Thank you for your help.”

“Rest for a few hours and then someone will come to show you around. Sleep tight.”

“Good morning, Seras.”

She’d been slouching toward the door but stopped after he said her name. She turned around, a sleepy grin on her face.

“Thanks Harry.”

After she left D realised that he’d just doomed himself to an eternity of being called by his given name. Fuck, he hated his name.