One Night

Aya had miscalculated… badly. He was sitting in his windowsill staring out into the night but not really seeing anything while his thoughts were turned inward. Aya figured out too late that he didn't have control of his emotions as he previously thought he did. Having spent the night with Yohji, Aya realized he wanted that again.

Not just for the sex. Granted, the sex had been unbelievable but he expected that from Yohji. And, if he was honest with himself, he’d admit he wanted to repeat that experience again. No, what he was having trouble with was the fact that he wanted to spend time with Yohji, to talk with him, to just sit in quiet silence with him or even just to watch him sleep.

Aya woke early that next morning three days ago. He felt as if he was where he belonged in the few waking moments he’d allowed himself the luxury of staying in Yohji’s arms. He forced himself to pull away but stopped to look down at Yohji. Aya had lifted his hand to brush Yohji’s hair back from his face when he cursed and deliberately turned away. There was no time to indulge his desires so he made himself get dressed and leave the room until he could refocus on the mission.

Thankfully, by the time he returned to the room, he had his stoic mask firmly in place and was able to act normally. The mission went as planned and soon they were making their way back home. Yohji seemed to be in a better frame of mind than when they’d left for Niigata and Aya hoped that he’d helped in some small way.

What Aya hadn’t expected was the flash of anger he felt when he saw Yohji leave for the evening in his clubbing clothes. Then, he felt it again when Yohji went out for a second night in a row. Aya knew that the anger he felt was directed at himself, along with self-disgust. How could he allow himself to be attracted to someone when his sister was still missing? He had no right to feel like this but, along with the anger he had for himself, there was some emotion he was unable to interpret because obviously, he wasn't capable of experiencing any pain over Yohji’s actions. That wasn’t possible.

Working side by side with Yohji was starting to become a strain, especially when he watched the playboy flirt with everyone. And, when that stuck-up woman Yohji made a date with for tonight looked at Aya in triumph, the flash of jealousy that stabbed through him was both surprising as well as frustrating at the same time. He wasn’t supposed to let such things bother him so he quickly smothered it along with the realization that he’d ever felt that emotion.

Aya realized that he cared for Yohji for some time now but he’d kept the feelings under firm control. He’d not allowed himself to think much about these wayward emotions and refused to let them grow into more than just an attraction. But if that was the case, there wouldn't be the need to deal with these confusing emotions.

Aya decided that the best way to handle this was to hide further behind his mask and close himself off even more as he tried to stay away from Yohji as much as possible when they weren't working or during missions. He couldn’t allow himself the luxury of following his emotions, especially with Aya-chan still missing.

With this plan firmly in place, Aya ignored the empty feeling deep inside.


*****

Yohji was home and sober. The fact that it was only nine o’clock in the evening might have had something to do with it normally, but things weren’t normal right now. Ever since Yohji woke up in that hotel room three days ago, his world was about as far from normal as they’d been in years. And that was saying a lot.

When he woke alone that morning, it took Yohji’s brain a few minutes to catch up with why he was feeling so content. The events of the night before slowly unfolded once more in his mind. The talk, the incredible sex and then just the simple pleasure of holding a special person close while he fell asleep. Yohji realized he was in trouble. His emotions had become involved without him even being aware of it.

Yohji was able to push all those confusing thoughts and feelings aside to focus on the mission and he’d been thankful for the bit of reprieve from facing his current dilemma. Aya had acted the same as always and it helped Yohji act accordingly. For the last three fucking days! Everything was the same, but Yohji knew better. In fact, everything was changed now.

The first thing he’d done when they got home was to go out and get laid. Yohji wanted to prove that he was wrong and it was just having sex again that had him feeling a bit weird and emotional. When he felt the same as ever after sleeping with the woman he’d picked up, the next night Yohji chose a cute guy. There was no difference. No contentment, no feeling of rightness in the act, just release that was just this side of unsatisfying.

So, here he was in his room about to act on something he never thought to do before the mission. Earlier today Yohji set the groundwork for his plans. He first wanted to try and gauge if he had a chance in hell of this working. That would only happen if Aya felt something for him too, but Yohji didn’t have a clue. Aya was too good at hiding his emotions. Almost.

All throughout their shift together Yohji kept one sharp eye on Aya while he proceeded to flirt with anything over eighteen. Well, practically. He drew the line at men who’d break his face for doing so. Then Yohji lucked out. This gorgeous woman who had been playing hard to get with him for the past few weeks finally decided to grace him with her company for the evening. Not really feeling anything for Setsuko, other than gratitude for her timing, he flirted shamelessly while watching Aya out of the corner of his eye. The narrowing of violet eyes and tightening of Aya's mouth gave Yohji the hope that he wasn’t alone in his feelings. He watched Aya suddently turn away as Yohji made arrangements to meet Setsuko for dinner.

Yohji didn’t feel too bad about dumping his date soon after they'd eaten. He knew that Setsuko was just out to see what she could get from him. Yohji suddenly ‘remembered’ that his girlfriend was in town and that they were supposed to meet up that night. The tirade he received after that statement made him glad that he’d not really intended to sleep with her. She probably would've eaten him alive.

Now, he was in his room working up the nerve to go talk to Aya. Yohji didn’t want to mess this up. Hopefully, Aya would be in the mood to listen like he was the other night. Yohji was truly tired of his current lifestyle. His nightly routine was wearing thin even before everything that’d happened the past few weeks. Maybe deep down he knew that he felt something for Aya long before they slept together but just didn't realize the fact. And now that he did recognize what he felt, he was going to do something about it, whether Aya was willing or not.

*****

Aya started at the sound of a knock on his door. He wasn’t expecting anyone to stop by that evening with Yohji out on his date and Ken and Omi at a soccer game. Weeks ago, Aya had finally stopped spending every waking moment, when he wasn't working, searching for his sister. He realized it was useless and only exhausted him which could possibly endanger the team. Aya and Omi searched the web constantly for clues and Manx assured him that Kritiker was doing everything in their power to locate the girl. He knew that if they found anything he would be notified by phone and not in person so he was confused as to who might be at his door.

Getting up from the windowsill, he crossed the room and opened the door only to be shocked speechless when he saw Yohji standing there with a tentative smile on his face. Aya stood motionless for so long, Yohji finally said, “Hey Aya, can I come in?”

Aya gathered his scattered thoughts and grunted but stepped aside to allow Yohji to enter. Gesturing for him to have a seat on the sofa, Aya sat down next to him and turned slightly to face his unexpected guest. When Yohji didn't say anything, he asked with a frown on his face, “I thought you went out for the night, what are you doing here?”

“I did but I realized that I wasn’t where I wanted to be.” Yohji’s smile faded from his face and the usual mocking look was replaced by the openness Aya had seen the other night when they spent most of the evening talking.

“And just where would that be?” Aya asked, a little suspicious. Did Yohji think that he could pick up from the other night? Yohji had agreed to Aya’s conditions and Aya wasn’t about to change his mind. He wasn’t going to be a fucktoy for Yohji, not by a long shot. Aya had his pride but his emotions were spiraling out of control and that had him very confused. He could very well see himself falling for the bastard while Yohji just moved on to the next conquest.

“Here, with you?” Yohji said with a hopeful smile.

Aya became furious. “And why the hell is that? You think that it’s more convenient to have someone close by to fuck? Because if that's what you’re thinking, I told you the other night... One. Night. Only. I refuse to be in a fuckbuddy relationship just because you’re horny and I’m convenient.”

“Aya, no, you’ve got it all wrong…”

“What have I got wrong?” Aya stood up and said softly, “Get out.”

Yohji ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. He stood up and followed Aya to the door then slammed it shut as soon as it was pulled open. He seized Aya's arms and pushed him back against the wall and said, “Would you just listen to me for one goddamned minute and quit jumping to conclusions?”

Aya struggled and got one hand free which accidentally struck Yohji in the chin, snapping his mouth shut. Yohji cried out in pain then said through tightly clenched teeth, “Dammit Aya, you made me bite my tongue. Would you just fucking settle down?!” Yohji grabbed Aya’s shoulders and shook them forcefully before he continued, “I want to date you, not fuck you!”

Aya stilled as Yohji’s words penetrated through his anger. Conflicting thoughts swirled through his scattered wits. Date him? Where the hell did that come from? Was this some kind of joke or ploy to get him back into bed? Aya shrugged Yohji’s hands off and walked over to the window and looked out into the night as he tried to figure out what was going on. Part of what Yohji said made his insecurites come to light as his mind raced. Why *didn’t* Yohji want to fuck him? Wasn’t he any good? If so, why would Yohji want to date him? What in the hell was he thinking? What did he care what Yohji thought of his bedroom skills. He was so confused. How dare Yohji do this to him!

“Aya...?”

“Shut up, Kudoh. Let me think in peace.” Aya had never dated anyone before but knew what it entailed, or what it had entailed when he was a teenager. What would that mean for them? But more important, *why* would Yohji want to date him? Did that mean Yohji wanted to spend time with him? And why was Aya even considering the offer? He must be insane.

Maybe Aya would let Yohji clarify a few things before he kicked the shit out of him, but the only way that that was going to happen was if Aya let the idiot talk. On his terms. He’d be asking the questions and if he didn’t like the answers, well, they were going to be down one teammate for a while as Yohji recovered from a severe beating.

*****

"This is so not going as planned," Yohji mumbled to himself. But why was he surprised? This was *Aya* he was dealing with. Nothing was ever easy when it involved Aya, even on a good day, and this definitely wasn’t a good day.

Yohji wanted to go over and pull Aya close into a hug but the body language pouring off of him right now told Yohji it wasn’t worth his life to attempt physical contact of any kind. Maybe if he held himself perfectly motionless, Aya would forget that he was still in the room long enough for him to sneak out and regroup before attempting this again. Yohji immediately discarded that idea. He was going to see this thing through tonight if it killed him. And it just might, the small voice inside was saying. Yohji ignored the inner warning and walked over to Aya and grasped his shoulders again. “Aya, let’s sit down and talk. Please?”

Aya turned around and glared at Yohji. Too bad Yohji had become immune to those virulent gazes long ago or else he would've been running for cover. When he didn’t back down, Aya just shrugged Yohji's hands off and went to sit on the couch. Yohji sighed to himself and followed, at least Aya wasn’t going for his katana. Yet.

“Why do you want to date me?” Aya asked suddenly.

Yohji was so lost in his own thoughts that he jumped at the words. Daring a glance at Aya, he saw a confused look rather than the usual scowl. How to answer, did Yohji even really know why? Watching the frown return, he realized he better start talking quickly. “Why wouldn’t I want to date you?”

The frown returned full force. “That’s no answer as you damn well know. I mean it Yohji, if this is just some act to get me back into bed with you, you're walking out of here with two broken arms and a skull fracture."

“No, Aya. That’s not what this is all about. I meant it when I said I wanted to date you. I want to go out with you, spend time with you.” Yohji was floundering badly and didn’t know what to say to make his words sound any more sincere or how to get his true meaning across.

“Why?” Aya asked, with venom in his tone.

“I don’t know. You’ve been on my mind constantly these past few days and I’ve come to realize that I’m attracted to you.” Yohji tried to explain.

“Apparently not *constantly*.” Aya said nodding at Yohji's clubbing clothes.

Yohji had the grace to flush when he realized what Aya was alluding to. How was he going to explain that he’d gone out for the past two nights in an attempt to forget the effect Aya had on him? “I was trying to figure out if what I feel for you is genuine or not. And, the people I slept with during these last two nights didn’t mean anything to me.”

He watched Aya’s eyes narrow into a deadly glare and realized that his words sounded as bad as the way Aya obviously took the comment. “But it *did* mean something when I slept with you, Aya.”

“Fuck off, Kuhoh. You were never to mention that again.” Aya’s look could've made hell freeze over. “You said you wanted to date me but not fuck me. I know I'm not as experienced with sex as you are but wasn't I good enough the other night?”

Yohji wanted to scream his frustration. Aya needed to come with a detailed instruction manual. He was mad because Yohji might want to fuck him then he was mad because he might not. Now, what was he going to say? He was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t!

“No! I mean yes! You’re misunderstanding me. I want to have sex with you, but that’s not why I want us to date. I want to get to know you better, to see if we’re compatible. I figured that if I told you I wanted sex, you'd think that’s the only reason why I’m asking to go out with you. If we dated and didn’t have sex until you said that we could, maybe I could prove to you I *am* serious.” Yohji combed his fingers through his hair before continuing on a quiet note, “I don’t want to mess this up. Do you think we could try this? I have feelings for you and I think you feel the same.”

Aya's gaze softened and he seemed about to say something before Yohji’s last comment changed the expression on his face. ‘Uh oh, what the hell did I say now?’ Yohji thought.

“And just what gave you the idea I have feelings for you?” Aya asked.

Yohji didn’t even think as he let the first words that popped into his head pour from his mouth. “Because I watched you today when I was flirting with everybody and you seemed upset, especially when I asked Setsuko out to dinner.”

Aya’s response was not what Yohji expected. He stood and dragged Yohji up by his collar to get in his face before he said in an angry voice, “You purposely flirted all day long in order to get a reaction out of me and then you *presume* to think you know what I'm feeling? Get the hell out. Now!”

This time, he didn’t wait for Yohji to follow, but pulled him along until he could throw Yohji out of his apartment. Yohji hit the railing and barely caught himself from going over before he heard Aya’s door slam and lock. 'Shit, shit, shit. I royally fucked up.' Yohji thought as he walked over to the door. "I’m really sorry, Aya," Yohji said then paused to see if he'd get a response. When all he got was silence, he continued, "I was just trying to see if I had a chance. Open the door so we can talk about this, okay?”

Yohji didn’t know how long he stood there before he tried one last time, “If you change your mind, Aya, I'll be in my apartment." With a heavy heart, Yohji walked back to his place trying to figure out what to do next.

*****

Aya was angry. Beyond angry… he was down right *pissed*. Both at himself and at Yohji. He should've punched the idiot instead of just throwing him out. Aya stalked over to his window and stared out at nothing.

Now, he had to figure out what he wanted to do. Did he want to give this thing a chance? How could he even consider the offer with his sister still missing? But another part of him said that life was too short and uncertain not to take a chance at happiness when it appeared, fleeting as that fickle emotion could be.

Maybe he could try this dating thing that Yohji proposed and see where it led. As pissed as he was at Yohji for trying to manipulate him, he was also surprised that he actually felt a little spark of happiness that Yohji wanted to be with him.

Aya ruthlessly squashed those thoughts and feelings down while he forced himself to focus on his sister. That was all that mattered. Getting his sister back. He couldn’t allow anything to get in the way of that goal, not even a chance at his own happiness. Now, if he could just convince his heart to listen to his mind, Aya would be just fine.

*****